Elizabeth sat up, breathing heavy. Jack, you make it very hard to be good, she thought to herself.
"How about you?" Jack asked her after he caught his breath.
"What about me?"
"Boyfriends? Loves?"
"I had a couple boyfriends. Neither relationship was going anywhere so I ended them. There was no spark."
"So, is there a spark now?" Jack gave her a flirty half smile.
"Fireworks, Jack. Fireworks." She leaned down and gave him a sweet, loving kiss.
"So, tell me. What does a school teacher do during her time off in the summer?"
"Well, this school teacher volunteers, writes, learns a new skill."
"You have me curious about this new skill. What is that about?"
"A few years ago, I decided to pick a skill I have always wanted to learn and work on it during my school break."
"What new skills have you learned so far?"
"The first summer I picked baking. I was okay in the kitchen, but didn't really bake much. So I signed up for a class. The second year I tried my hand in painting. That one didn't go so well. I don't seem to have that gene," she let out a giggle.
"Painting, huh?"
She nodded.
"Can you get something for me? I'm not sure where they put it, but check in that closet and see if there's a sketchbook."
Elizabeth pulled a sketchbook from the shelf inside the closet. His dress uniform was hanging in there as well and she ran her hand down it before closing the door. "Here you go."
"Come back up here, please."
Elizabeth climbed back onto the bed, sitting beside him.
Jack flipped open the cover to the sketchbook, revealing a pencil drawing of Elizabeth. It was of just her face, not a single detail missed.
She gasped, "Oh, Jack. Did you draw this?"
He nodded and smiled.
"This is beautiful. I didn't know you could draw."
"It's a little hobby of mine, I don't share it with many people." He turned the page to another drawing of Elizabeth, this time she was standing in a dirt street in the middle of an old town. She was wearing a long skirt and blouse, her hair was a few inches longer and flowed down in big, loose curls.
"What is this?"
"My dreams. This is how I saw you in my dreams before I woke up and saw you for real."
"What? This looks just like me. How..."
"I have no idea, Elizabeth. But this is the woman that was in my dreams when I was in a coma. So, when I woke up and saw you looking back at me, well, you can think of how shocked I was."
"So, a few weeks ago when you said I was the woman of your dreams..."
"I wasn't kidding. You are the woman of my dreams, in more ways than one." He flashed his dimples, causing her to blush.
"Show me more, please."
The next drawing was of his mother then one of Tom. His attention to detail was extraordinary and Elizabeth was in awe of his skill. The next drawing was of a majestic wolf. He appeared to be sitting on a step of one of the buildings from Jack's little town.
Elizabeth ran her fingers along the edge of the paper of the wolf drawing. "He's beautiful."
"That's Tuk."
Elizabeth turned her head toward Jack. "What?"
"Well, Mia Tuk to be exact. But I call him Tuk. In one of my dreams, I told him he needed a name, and that's what I gave him"
"White Fang," she nodded.
Jack grinned at her, "Yep, White Fang."
He flipped the page to the next drawing. Jack was sitting on a beautiful, black horse. He appeared to be wearing some sort of uniform with a hat on.
"And this one?"
"This is Sergeant."
"Is he a horse you used to ride?"
"No, he appeared in my dream too. You were riding a chestnut mare."
"What's that uniform?"
"Now, that, I'm not sure about. You called me Constable the first time we met in the dream; said I was a Mountie."
"Yes, Canadian Mountie. I knew I'd seen that before. Just in photos though."
"Yes, that's correct."
He slowly turned to the next drawing, watching her face for her reaction.
A gasp went across her face as she reached out to touch the page. "Jack, when did you draw this?"
"That first night you stayed over. Like I said, I don't sleep much."
It was of Elizabeth sleeping, Jack even included himself. He was holding her, his head tipped against hers, both asleep. Her arm was laying across his chest and both of his arms were wrapped around her, no cast on his left hand.
"No cast."
"No. I wanted to hold you so badly then, with both arms. So this was my way of doing so."
"Jack, these are all so amazing. Can I see more?"
"Ummm...best you don't see the rest."
"Why is that?"
"Because I started therapy after this one and my therapist told me to keep drawing my dreams, no matter how bad they were. Said it would be cathartic for me to get these images on paper and out of my dreams."
"Can I please see them?"
"Elizabeth, they are graphic. I don't want you having nightmares now."
"Jack, I've heard the story and before I heard it, I was picturing what happened to you and trust me, my mind was already seeing some pretty horrible scenes."
Hesitantly Jack agreed and slowly turned the page to the next drawing. Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hands and a tear slipped down her cheek.
It was of Jack's Humvee, flipped onto its roof. She could see Jack laying on the ground just outside the vehicle. A man was standing over him with a gun pointed at his head. She reached out and turned the page to the next drawing and gasped. Jack was laying on the ground, a soldier laying across his legs and another man standing over him, again, with a gun pointed at him. She flipped to the next drawing. A soldier was carrying another soldier, thrown over his shoulder.
"Is this private Burke carrying you?"
"Yes,"
She turned the page. Staring back at her was a drawing of herself again. This one appeared to be from the day she'd taken him to church for the first time. The day they said I love you.
"That was a very good day," Jack said, watching Elizabeth as a smile formed across her lips. He turned her chin toward his and kissed her. "I love you."
"I love you too, Jack."
She looked back to the sketchbook, turning to the next page. It was of Jack, standing proudly. He was in full gear, holding his M16 rifle across his chest. He was in his desert camo, tan boots and wearing black gloves. Pouches full of ammo and other needed items across his waist. She could see the straps from the heavy backpack that he wore. He had his helmet on and was wearing sunglasses. She paused on that drawing, taking it all in. Running her fingers along the edge of the paper. He had no casts, no bandages, no apparent injuries. Just a man, proudly serving his country, unaware of the tragedy he would soon face.
"Would you like to take that one?" Jack asked her.
"What? No, Jack, I couldn't."
Jack took the sketchbook and gently ripped the drawing from the spiral bound book and handed it to Elizabeth, "Please, you can have it."
Elizabeth took the sketch, smiling at the serious looking soldier born in the lines and shading of Jack's pencils. She knew it was him, but the soldier staring back at her looked very different than the Jack she had grown to love. Even though she couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, she could see a very different expression on his face. The smile faded from her face.
"What's wrong," Jack asked her.
"I know this is you, but...I don't know...you look so different. Your face looks so hard, angry even."
"Yes, well, I was a very angry person for a long time. The death of my father just about killed me. I channeled all my anger into preparing to be a soldier. Then when Madison left me, well, I didn't care about much after that. I put all my focus into whatever my next mission was. Sometimes it would cause me to make some stupid decisions that could have gotten me killed. I finally got right in my head and started being more cautious, playing it safer. But an anger still always remained, I just learned to channel it differently."
"Was one of your...bad decisions...what got you these?" She pointed at his gunshot scars.
Jack looked down, a cloud entering his eyes. He nodded his head, "That was a very bad day."
Elizabeth hesitated before asking her next question, "Do you want to tell me about it?"
Jack looked her in the eyes, trying to decide if the event would be something she could handle hearing, then he reminded himself of the strength that the woman sitting next to him possessed.
"I was part of a unit that was patrolling a city in Afghanistan. I was in my early 20s and very angry. We were going from building to building, looking for the enemy. I entered a stairwell, not following protocol, and took some heavy fire. I ducked for cover but not before taking one in the shoulder. I started firing back, emptying my clip. I was swapping out clips when another man came in from a side door and opened fire on me. I took two in the arm and one in the side before I pulled my knife and jumped on him. We fought and struggled but I finally wrestled him to the ground. I slit his throat." Jack paused to check Elizabeth's reaction, to see if he should continue. "I ran up the stairs and reloaded my weapon. I had no regard for my own life. I kicked open a door and opened fire. I had killed the 5 men standing there. I thought I had got them all and lowered my weapon but there was a sixth that jumped out of the shadows. He stabbed me in the back. I spun around and kicked him to the ground. I unloaded the rest of my clip into him. I was lucky, another inch deeper with his knife and I wouldn't be here. They sent me home for a while after that, to heal."
Elizabeth sat quietly, listening to the horrific events that happened to Jack, thankful that he survived.
"Are you alright?" Jack asked her.
"Yes, just thinking."
"About?"
"When I was around ten, we got a call that my dad had been shot. We didn't get any more details for five days. We didn't know if he was alive or dead. My mom was a mess. When we finally got word again, he had undergone surgery and was on his way back to the states. He wouldn't speak of the event for years, not to anyone. It really messed him up for a while. I'm grateful that you are sharing all of this with me, Jack. I don't want you to ever hold back and keep things bottled up. I've seen first-hand what that does to someone. So, thank you for sharing all of this with me."
Jack wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to him. She laid her head on his shoulder and they sat that way for a few minutes. Elizabeth heard Jack begin to hum. She closed her eyes and listened to the familiar tune but couldn't place it.
Then he began to sing and Elizabeth sat up in shock. Looking down at him, "You can sing?"
"Umm...I guess."
"No I guess about it. You can sing! What was that song?"
"One I wrote back in high school."
"And you can write songs?"
"Are you alright?" Jack asked with a chuckle.
"Jack, Julie and I used to stay up late at night when we were girls and describe our perfect man to each other."
"And?"
"And...mine was one that could dance, ride horses, sing, write music, play an instrument, chop wood and build us a tree house to live in?"
Jack looked at her with a worried look on his face.
"Jack, I was twelve."
"Oh, phew. I thought I was going to have to start watching YouTube videos on how to build a tree house."
Elizabeth playfully slapped Jack's arm.
"So, what you're saying is...that I'm almost the man of your dreams?" He asked with a flirty look.
Elizabeth rolled to her side, facing him. "Jack, you are, without a doubt, the man of my dreams." She pulled him in and kissed him.
Jack tightly wrapped his arms around her and held her as they talked, sharing more childhood stories.
The next day, Elizabeth picked Jack up and met their families at church then lunch after. Charlotte and Tom spent extra time with Jack as they were heading back home that evening. Jack was well on his way back to his old self and Charlotte finally felt comfortable with leaving him, knowing he would be well cared for by Elizabeth.
Julie was in a slump that day, having to say good bye to Tom. But they had made plans to see each other as often as they could.
Elizabeth finished out her school year with the kids, sad to see them go but excited for the break. Her last day with just the faculty was long and tedious.
Thursday had finally arrived; Elizabeth was excited yet nervous about being in a session with Jack, not knowing what to expect. She met Jack in his room and the two walked down to the office together.
"Hello, Elizabeth, I'm Dr. Yost. I'm glad you could join us today."
"Thank you. Nice to meet you."
"Please, have a seat you two and we'll get started." The three of them took their seats; Jack and Elizabeth sat next to each other on the couch while Dr. Yost sat in a chair across from them. "First, I want to start with why I asked you here. Jack has voiced some concerns that he has about himself and I'd like him to talk to you about them. Then we will go over some solutions."
Elizabeth looked to Jack then back to the doctor and nodded.
"Alright, I understand that you have been told of the events of that day."
Elizabeth nodded.
"That's great. It is very helpful for Jack to be able to share those things with you. Now, Jack is aware of what some soldiers go through with PTSD, some even harm the people they love without knowing what they are doing. Jack has not experienced this yet, but the thought of the possibility of it happening has Jack very anxious."
"Okay," Elizabeth said.
"A sound, an image or even a smell could send Jack back to that day. If that happens, it's as if he is right there in the thick of it. It is very important that you never grab him or touch him if this ever happens, he very well could think that you are trying to harm him."
Elizabeth nodded, letting him know she understood.
"Here are a couple things you can try with him to help him come back to the present and know that he is safe." Dr. Yost showed Elizabeth some things she could do and had her practice them with Jack. Once Elizabeth was comfortable that she knew what to do, Dr. Yost moved on.
"Jack could also very easily fall into depression. He blames himself for the deaths of the men in his platoon. This has been the most difficult thing for him to come to grasps with, that it isn't his fault. That he was doing a job and he was doing it quite well as I've heard."
Jack turned up the corners of his mouth into a forced smile.
Elizabeth was taken aback by this information. Jack had never mentioned that he felt at fault. She thought he had shared everything with her but understood that this must have been very hard for him to talk about. She knew that men leading a platoon or unit into battle, constantly had the weight of all those men's lives on their shoulders, and that even losing one life was devastating, let alone the entire platoon.
The doctor continued, "It's very important to watch for signs of depression or mood changes in Jack." The doctor leaned toward Elizabeth, handing her a business card, "Here's my card. If you or Jack need anything, please call me."
"Thank you."
Dr. Yost went over some more things with Elizabeth then turned his attention to Jack. He asked him about his days and nights, if he was sleeping or still having nightmares.
"I'm still having nightmares. Not every night, but most."
"Same as before?"
"Some. Some have been different. But all end with the same result of my men getting killed."
"Jack, have you been doing your exercises that we talked about?"
"Yes."
"Are you ready to try a prescription yet?"
"No, I want to work this out on my own."
Elizabeth sat quietly, listening intently to them, trying to figure out ways that she could help him.
"Jack, lack of sleep can intensify your PTSD tremendously. If you aren't getting the sleep you need, no amount of IRT is going to help you."
Elizabeth made a mental note to do research on IRT to see what it was.
"Just give me a little more time, Doc. Please."
"Alright, Jack. You have a couple more weeks. If you're not getting your nightmares under control by then, I'm going to insist that you start on Prazosin."
Elizabeth made another mental note.
"Yes, sir." Jack replied.
When the session was over, Jack and Elizabeth walked back to his room. He propped his crutches against the wall and climbed into his bed. Jack remained quiet on their walk back and still hadn't said a word since they left Dr. Yost's office.
Elizabeth was unsure what he wanted and wondered if she should go home. Just when she was about to tell Jack she was going to go, he put his arms out, inviting her in for a hug. She gladly obliged him and climbed up onto the bed and into his arms. He held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
"I'm really tired. Will you stay with me while I take a nap?"
"Of, course," Elizabeth replied.
It didn't take long for Jack to fall asleep. Elizabeth remained in his arms, knowing that her presence allowed him to sleep better.
OOO
Jack was walking through Hope Valley with Tuk at his right side. He held the reins of Sergeant who was walking on his opposite side. At the end of the street stood Elizabeth, holding her horse, waiting for them. Jack walked up to her, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, meeting her lips with his.
"Well, good afternoon, Constable Thornton."
"Good afternoon, Miss Thatcher. Join me for a ride?"
"I'd love to."
Jack helped Elizabeth onto her horse, then mounted Sergeant. They walked through a field full of wild flowers in full bloom. It was a sea of purples, yellows, whites and greens. Butterflies floated up in front of them as they made their way through the field.
When they reached the top of the hill that overlooked the valley, Jack pulled Sergeant to a stop next to Elizabeth and her horse, his leg brushed up against hers. He leaned over, giving her another kiss, then took her hand in his. They held hands as they sat and watched the busy little town; horse drawn wagons driving through, people ducking into the different businesses. Children were playing baseball in the field on the edge of town.
Jack turned toward Elizabeth, watching her face as she watched the children play. She was smiling.
"Some day?" He asked her.
She turned her head toward Jack, still smiling. "Some day."
OOO
Elizabeth had her phone out when Jack woke up. He could see her screen and noticed IRT: Image Reversal Therapy across the top of an article she was reading. He remained still as she read. When he noticed she'd closed it and was opening a new search window, he rolled in toward her.
"Do you have any questions?" He asked her when she looked up at him.
"About?"
"ITR."
Elizabeth was a little embarrassed to have been caught by Jack reading the article, but took the opportunity to ask him about it. "Have you been doing this?"
"Yes."
"Does it help?"
"Sometimes."
"Can you give me an example of what you do?"
Jack repositioned himself to get more comfortable and be able to see her face easier. Elizabeth had moved too so now they were lying down, facing each other. "I have a journal that I keep nearby. Before I go to sleep each night, I remember the details of the most recent nightmare. I pick a scene and write it out, but change what happens. I read it several times before I go to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I keep doing it for the times that it does work."
Jack rested his hand on Elizabeth's ribcage. She brushed his hair out of his face then laid her hand on his cheek. She moved forward, giving him a quick kiss. "All you can do is keep trying, Jack."
"I know. I will."
"Want to do something today?"
Jack thought for a moment. "Yes. I would like to take you on a proper date." Jack sat up, pulling Elizabeth up too. Facing her he asked, "Elizabeth Thatcher, would you be so kind as to go out on a date with me?"
Elizabeth giggled. "Why are you being so formal?"
"There has been nothing ordinary about our relationship. I would like something a little normal." Jack smiled.
"I would love to, Jack. What would you like to do?"
"Are there any good movies?
Elizabeth picked up her phone and began searching.