A/N: Prompt from Hades Lord of the Dead: Tied up.

Every word, after the title, including stage directions, forms part of the poem.

Tied Up

The Cast:-

Mrs Hudson: the queen of the kitchen (and parlour and staircase and hall...),

Holmes: her worst tenant, in view of his habits, involving burnt curtains and all,

Watson: the best and most faithful of sidekicks; physician, ex-soldier and friend,

Lestrade and young Hopkins ( with boyish moustache): upholding the law to the end,

Mycroft: political backbone of Whitehall, a large and unmovable force,

Arthur and all the assorted Irregulars: brave and quick-witted of course,

Nurse Phipps: a quite timid but capable nurse, who is willing to render first aid,

A waiting room full of a mixture of patients whose treatment is somewhat delayed,

X...an innocuous meek stationmaster...not Y...his mad genius brother,

Z..who on earth could this character be? With jail breaking skills like no other...

Scene one...

For a change, is a dank London prison, with slime and green mould on the wall.

The ironwork is rusting, the smell is disgusting, it's really not pleasant at all.

A cell at the end of a long gloomy walkway, is heavily padlocked and barred.

Outside, stands the largest and strongest, completely unbribable, diligent guard...

~0~

The diligent guard—Here's your supper, you harlot...

Please move, stay away from the door.

I'll slide this inedible, horrible mess on a plate,

Spilling most on the floor.

And here is some equally horrible liquid,

Which only a jailbird would drink.

~0~

Somehow, whilst mocking, the guard fails to notice, the door is now open a chink...

A hat pin, a hair pin...the details aren't clear...but the final result's not in doubt.

Within minutes, the diligent guard's in the cell, and the miffed harlot/jailbird is out...

~0~

Scene two...

Is a pleasantly furnished small clinic, the waiting room airy and bright;

Some patients are patiently waiting their turn, all are calm and serene and polite.

A lady steps in, she's dressed up to the nines...wrapped in velvet and furs, a silk hat,

With a gorgeous silk veil part concealing her face, she approaches the nurse for a chat.

~0~

Veiled lady—I'm sorry to trouble the doctor,

Alas, my affliction can't wait.

I hear Doctor Watson excels in this field,

I must see him before it's too late.

~0~

She whispers her symptoms, the nurse looks alarmed, then embarrassed, perplexed, and upset.

~0~

Nurse Phipps—Yes of course, I'll inform the good doctor,

He's not let a patient down yet.

~0~

She hurries to tell the physician her story, her sad and unusual case;

Unaware that the lady has trouble suppressing her glee, or the smile on her face.

~0~

Nurse Phipps—Doctor Watson will see you right now.

Jump the queue, they won't mind; you go next.

~0~

Remarkably, none of the patients, still waiting, are angry, indignant or vexed.

They hear polite greetings from doctor to patient, consulting room door firmly shut.

The minutes tick by ( they're all watching the clock) content to be waiting there…but...

At thirty five minutes, the waiting room door is flung open...a whoosh and a bang!

And in hurry Holmes, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade and young Hopkins, the rest of the gang.

~0~

Holmes—Where is Watson? I fear the dear fellow's in danger...

Please fetch him right now!

Mad Elsie, our nemesis broke out of prison…

A hat pin was used, lord knows how.

~0~

Nurse Phipps—Doctor Watson's consulting this minute,

He shouldn't be rudely disturbed;

A strange, silk-veiled lady, a startling affliction...

(She stops, looking somewhat perturbed.)

~0~

A gasp from the many, rapt patients still waiting, it's clear there is something amiss;

Their eyes off the clock, now they're watching Holmes' gang...they've seen nothing as thrilling as this...

As they break Watson's door, there is one beat of silence, then murmurs of fear and distress;

Nurse Phipps shrugs, acts smoothly, each patient is given a card with Anstruther's address...

The waiting room clears, then Holmes reappears, in his hand is a sealed scribbled note.

~0~

Holmes—My poor Watson, alas we're too late...

Let us see what the blasted girl wrote.

~0~

He sits quite dejected while both Scotland Yarders head out, try to pick up the trail...

~0~

Mrs Hudson—( placatingly, patting his shoulder)

I am certain Mad Elsie will fail.

~0~

The Yarders return, there's no sign of Mad Elsie, or henchmen, or Watson at all.

Holmes slowly, painstakingly unseals the missive, afraid of what fate might befall

His Boswell, his sounding board, loyal and steadfast, essential conductor of light.

He reads out her words, checking paper and ink , for a clue, be it ever so slight...

~0~

Holmes—*Yes, I have Watson!

Unless you obey,

He's on track for a terrible fate.

His life's on the line,

You have beaten me once...

Or perhaps several times...

Okay...eight.

I demand a safe passage

From Plymouth to somewhere

With sun and a really nice beach,

And money enough

For a hall or big house;

Or, on thinking it through,

One of each.

I need proof of intention,

And plenty of cash,

And tickets by

Midday

Tomorrow.

The best of regards,

From Mad Elsie

PS...If you're skint you should

Beg, steal or borrow.*

~0~

Nurse Phipps—while you ponder the fate of your friend,

May I offer a fresh pot of tea?

Have a biscuit or two, you must build up your strength,

For this saga to end happily.

~0~

Holmes—(munching a biscuit, looks up from the paper, a glimmer of hope in his eyes)

The ink is familiar, her phrasing suggestive...

I know where her hiding place lies!

(He picks up the Bradshaws he keeps in his pocket for such an occasion as this.)

Come Hopkins, come Arthur, Lestrade, Mrs H and the gang,

There's a train we can't miss!

~0~

Scene three...

Is the platform, a West Country station; well ordered, well kept, rarely used;

A side track runs off to a derelict tin mine ( fresh planning permission refused)

The meek stationmaster greets Holmes and his gang, as they step from the afternoon train;

Holmes looks at the mild mannered, railway employee for traces of evil, in vain...

~0~

Holmes—(doffing his hat) It was time that we met,

I, of course, knew your late older brother.

~0~

Moriarty— ( not THAT one) It's hard to believe

That we actually shared the same mother.

I received your brief telegram, thus can confirm,

Four passengers' recent arrival.

One mad looking lady, three men in striped shirts

And a fifth in dire need of revival.

~0~

Holmes—(worried, of course on behalf of his friend, as he tips out a pipeful of ash)

Mad Elsie will never let dear Watson go,

Regardless of bundles of cash.

She is planning to flee with the money and tickets,

First planning the good doctor's death.

She won't get away with such damnable deeds,

We will fight to the very last breath!

~0~

Nurse Phipps—( who has joined them...her clinic was empty... quite timidly puts up her hand)

I brought lots of bandages, sutures and brandy,

I'm ready for what you have planned.

~0~

Young Hopkins ( quite taken with timid Nurse Phipps… gives a most reassuring, wide smile)

Don't worry, dear lady, we'll rescue the doctor,

And capture this villain, so vile.

~0~

Moriarty ( not THAT one) has followed Holmes' orders, a carriage awaits them, forthwith

He ponders on life as the party departs; his brother's bête noire was no myth…

~0~

Scene four…

As expected, that tin mine, neglected since handsome, bold men crossed the moor,

And wagons of tin trundled off from this source, to tall ships on the picturesque shore.

Three men in striped shirts are provoking their victim, their hearts full of meaningless hate.

And Watson is helpless to act in defence, can do nothing, but lie there and wait.

Mad Elsie, still clad in her silk and her furs, is dancing around in delight,

Quite certain she'll win and that Holmes cannot act to relieve the physician's sad plight.

Just over the hill, worried eyes watch the scene, incandescent with ill-concealed rage,

For Watson is there, tightly bound to the tracks, with full wagons above ( narrow gauge)...

~0~

Holmes—( in a whisper) Now, Arthur and Wiggins,

Creep round to that old foreman's shack,

While Lestrade and young Hopkins approach from the side,

Mrs H, will you watch Watson's back?

Nurse Phipps can stay here with young Alice assisting,

Be ready to ready to render first aid.

~0~

He puts out his pipe with reluctance, quite pleased with the off-the-cuff plans he has made.

Weapons are loaded, they reach their positions, the atmosphere heavy and tense.

A few minutes later...

~0~

Mad Elsie—( shrill voice). It is time to collect recompense!

~0~

She heads to the wagons, with joy in her heart, preparing to pull the GO switch…

~0~

Mad Elsie—I'm sorry to cause your demise.

(Not a very convincing sales pitch.)

~0~

The henchmen stand back, to avoid bits of Watson, excited to see the main show.

The doctor stays silent, he's gagged after all, as she reaches the lever, marked GO.

She pulls with some force, Watson closes his eyes, it appears he has run out of luck…

~0~

A cry of frustration, a shriek of despair…

~0~

Mad Elsie—It seems to be stuck!

~0~

Two henchmen respond to the boss lady's summons, head up to assist in her quest,

But are tackled half way, by Lestrade and young Hopkins, both Scotland Yard rugby team's best.

Mrs H aims her pistol to halt the third henchman, her voice is as cold as cracked ice…

~0~

Mrs Hudson—Don't move! Not an inch, or I'll shoot!

And believe me,I won't say this twice!

~0~

Arthur and Wiggins move out to the doctor, they aim to remove him from harm;

They try to untie all the difficult knots, then look up at a cry of alarm;

Mad Elsie and Holmes, now engaged in a tussle, trip over and knock the switch back.

The wagons are moving and gaining momentum, and Watson is still on the track!

~0~

A blur of commotion and chaos and movement, the flashing of swiftly drawn knives…

The last knot is severed, the doctor and urchins just barely escape with their lives!

~0~

The Yarders help Holmes in defeating Mad Elsie, once henchman are cuffed and subdued…

~0~

Mad Elsie—You should not have gatecrashed my party,

It is really incredibly rude!

~0~

Mrs Hudson—Mad Elsie, I note you display

No remorse and no concept of penance.

But please heed this warning, my number one rule,

You don't mess around with my tenants!

~0~

Nurse Phipps and young Alice join in at this point, with their bandages, sutures and brandy;

Though fairly unscathed, Watson needs a stiff drink, so the first aiders' kit comes in handy…

~0~

Scene five…

Is the West Country station once more, and there's joy at the gang's safe return

Mad Elsie is sulking, in derbies again; from her threats, it is clear she won't learn.

~0~

Moriarty—( not THAT one) : I note from your smiles,

That your rescue attempt has succeeded.

I wish you all well, please remember my name,

If more West Country transport is needed.

I'd be glad to assist with your work once again,

Over matters both big and quite small.

Perhaps there's a day when you won't link my name

To that scene at a Swiss waterfall...

~0~

So, all is in order; Mad Elsie and Co, have been read all their rights and arrested.

A train back to London, once Mycroft pulls strings; all first class, so they're well fed and rested.

~0~

Epilogue…

Dinner at Simpsons, for all; a joyful, extravagant party;

A toast to Holmes' rare and unbeatable team,

And, strangest of all, Moriarty.

Holmes asks for no praise for deductions and plans,

Which helped save the life of his friend.

The presence of Watson, is all that he needs;

A singular notion.

~0~

The End.

A/N2: Mad Elsie first appeared in The Perplexing Puzzle of the Poisoned Pudding, in 2010, and has regularly been breaking out of jail in December, to cause havoc, ever since.