Asuma knocked on the door and waited patiently for an answer. A brown haired woman answered the door and she immediately relaxed upon seeing him.
"Asuma thank goodness."
"How is he?"
Yoshino Nara ushered the man inside. "He hasn't left his room in two days, since he got home from the hospital."
"He's ashamed," Asuma explained gloomily.
"Oh for goodness sake!" Yoshino exclaimed. "He was under the effect of the jutsu he couldn't have helped what he did any more than that Hyuga girl could have."
"Her names Hinata," the smoker input before frowning. "And that won't stop him remembering everything that happened. Has he spoken to his father?"
"Shikaku won't be home until tomorrow," Yoshino told him with an eye roll. "The one time I could really use that lazy bum."
Asuma pointed to the stairs. "Mind if I go up?"
"Please do!" Yoshino threw her hands up. "Kami knows he won't listen to me!"
"Shikamaru?" He knocked again on his student's bedroom door. "Shikamaru I know you're in-"
"I can hear you Sensei."
Asuma winced; from the sound of it the shadow user hadn't used his voice since even before he went home, which would coincide with what everyone had told him; refusing to eat, refusing to talk.
"Come out and we can talk."
"No," he heard Shikamaru croak through the door.
"Do you want something to eat?"
"Not hungry."
Asuma sighed. "Shikamaru you need to come out," his voice was starting to let his annoyance show. "This moping isn't becoming on you."
He listened for a second before hearing a sigh and the sound of bedsprings moving.
The door opened and the boy looked as bad as Asuma thought he would. Black rings under his eyes, he looked thinner, weaker than he did when he last saw him and his hair was down and tangled looking. Not to mention his clothes looked like they hadn't been changed in a few days and the skin on his lips was also dry and flaking slightly. He wasn't even drinking anything.
He licked his lips and swallowed, the action looking like it caused him pain, before replying.
"Not moping."
Asuma raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Good, then you can come downstairs and have a game of Shogi with me then."
Despite him stating he wasn't hungry mere moments before; as soon as Yoshino set food and drink in front of him he devoured everything that was given to him. Yoshino looked ecstatic when he had his third plate of food.
"Right out with it-" Asuma began as Shikamaru pulled a hair tie out of his pocket and put his hair up in a ponytail. "Why are you moping? People are worried about you."
"I hurt people," Shikamaru stated bitterly. "I assaulted Kiba, Choji, Neji and Shino," his shoulders slumped. "I threatened you."
"Oh Kami is that it?" Asuma laughed making the younger boys head snap up.
"What a drag; you think that's funny?"
"I think it's hilarious that you think your friends are going to hold that against you. That you think I would hold that against you when you weren't in control of yourself."
"It felt so real though," he released a deep breath through his mouth. "I remember everything. I remember what I said, what I smelt, what I felt."
"I remember being so angry when you told me I couldn't see her, I remember feeling satisfied when I heard Shino's nose crack or when Kiba went flying, feeling downright happy when I punched Choji in the face, the absolute rage that flew through me as I threatened you," He placed his hands over his face.
"It wasn't you Shikamaru," Asuma said reassuringly lighting a cigarette. "They know that, I know that. They aren't angry."
"It's not just that," the Nara replied not moving his hands. "I remember everything to do with her."
He lowered his hands placing them on the floor and breathed deeply. He looked to his Sensei. "How is she? How is Hinata?"
"Kurenai has seen her," the elder man flicked some of his cigarette ash into the ashtray. "She's a little shaken up like you but she's up and about. She's confused-" Asuma made sure he had his student's attention before he added. "–Kurenai reckons she wants to talk to you about all that happened."
"I'm not gonna be much help to her," Shikamaru confessed. "I can barely think myself," he ran his hands over his hair in frustration. "I just keep remembering things."
The brief silence was broken by the Nara again.
"I remember she smelt like lavender," he closed his eyes being able to see her so clearly as if she were standing right in front of him now. "But she tasted like cherries; it was an intoxicating combination that set my nerves on fire. I remember wondering how her skin was so soft and loving how she shivered when I called her princess. How her gasps turned into groans when I kissed her neck or how my blood would sing when she looked at me as if she was about to devour me, how her hands felt on every part of my body, what her teeth felt like on my collarbone."
He leant his arm on his folded legs and his chin on his palm and stared out into the Nara fields behind his home.
"But I also remember lying with her after we made love, because that's what it was at the time, we loved each other –" he felt the need to explain although he didn't know why "– and I remember listening to her talk and thinking if angels were real they would sound like that. I remember thinking I wanted to buy her flowers and take her on dates and watch the stars with her because she was amazing and deserved all that corny stuff that would usually make me want to gag but for her it would be worth it. I remember wanting to go and ask Hiashi Hyuga for her hand and not giving a damn what he said because I was going to marry her anyway and she would be the most beautiful bride Konohagakure had ever seen," his eyes shut again, his heart racing at his own memories. "And how she always called me 'Shika' never 'Shikamaru' and thinking it was the greatest thing in the world that she was so relaxed around me; it made my heart soar."
When he looked at his Sensei Asuma seemed to be sitting there completely stunned at his confessions.
"To think it was all a lie," Shikamaru scoffed and leaned back on his palms. "It's the biggest drag; I can't cope with knowing that."
He looked up again. "What would I even say to her if I saw her? After living a lie for what felt like a small eternity?"
Asuma slowly smiled. "You know Shikamaru; she's probably thinking all the same things. That's why she wants to see you. All those feelings of love and confusion she is feeling them too. Go to her, she'll be at her team's training fields, talk to her. I promise talking to girls is not as daunting as it feels."
The Shadow user snorted again at his Sensei's teasing tone.
"But do me a favour first," Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and his Sensei grinned. "Get a shower; because you reek. What kind of boyfriend would you be if you showed up smelling like you do now?"
Shikamaru's scoff became a chuckle which became an outright laugh before laughing along with his Sensei.
"You're such a drag Sensei," he grinned, shaking his head. "Thank you."
"You're welcome! It's what I'm here for!"