Soooo… sorry! It turns out I'm a dirty, rotten liar, because this chapter has NOT caught us up to present time. (But hey, at least I wasn't lying when I told you guys I'm terrible at estimates/predictions even when they're completely in my control? Heh. I'd be terrible at Divination…) Hopefully this chapter is still fun though, even if it's a little crude… (but it's the perspective of a 16 year old boy. I don't see how it can be accurate and not, even if he is a very lovable 16 year old boy ;))
The jealousy shag scene is really long! Lol
ALSO, I made the BIG mistake of thinking I could just start reading another fic, bc I totally GOBBLED up the entire thing this week, but if you're looking for a great fic recommendation: The Bet by Auntleona0… her James and Lily are perfect!
Thank you! (Especially to the Guest who reminded me to write a Muggle Studies scene!)
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)
Let Me Love You
The Next Day, 6th Year
As the next day was Padfoot's birthday, James got trashed. Of course it had nothing to do with his current standing with Lily Evans. Nope, absolutely nothing to do with that. He was trying so hard not to think of her, and where she was and what she was doing if she wasn't at this party… or the fact that she never showed. Naturally, this led to him feeling like a shite best mate for not being present in the moment, so he drank more… He was a mess.
Lily wasn't healthy for him and he should probably stay away from her. (And Firewhiskey is very, very good for me and it's yummy and I should drink some more.)
The next morning was a bit of a struggle. Okay, a lot of a struggle. James had never been more grateful for his own charm than when he had to make his presentation on Dementors with Sirius. He could tell Stone knew they were hungover, but her sly wink as they sat back down told him she didn't mind it one bit. She's an awfully cheeky professor, isn't she?
When Lily and Adam did their lesson on the Imperius Curse, he stiffened. She was clearly floundering a bit herself, but it seemed more emotional than physical. She kept shooting Adam these dumb, thankful smiles. Fuck them, he thought royally pissed off.
But then shit got weird: Stone was preparing to demonstrate Imperio on Lily. They locked eyes and panic overtook him. No… don't do that to her! Her best friend got Imperioed, this is so fucked up! But before he could do anything, Stone had Lily dancing and spinning and— James gasped loudly — doing the splits! He knew she wasn't that flexible.
"Stop," he croaked getting to his feet. "Professor, stop!" Can't she see she's in pain? Can't she see Lily's eyes are wet?! James stood frozen, pure hopelessness rooting him to the spot as he babbled uselessly in protest. All he could see was Lily hurting and he could think of absolutely nothing to do to stop it. He was pretty sure this sight, this feeling, was his new worst fear.
Suddenly, Sirius jumped to his feet beside him, eyes locked with Lily's right before he sent a powerful hex straight into Stone's arm. James took a huge gulp of air as Lily collapsed onto the floor, the spell broken. Why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I do anything?! Padfoot cursed out the teacher and dragged Lily out of class while James continued to stand there transfixed. He wasn't sure if there was a worse curse in the world than Imperio; it seemed like the most dangerous one of all.
When he finally got his wits about him after watching the whole class all but turn on Stone, he stormed right out the door and to McGonagall's classroom. She looked like she was going to reprimand him for interrupting her lesson with the third years, but stopped when she saw the mad look in his eyes. He didn't consider himself a snitch, but he told her everything. Stone had crossed a line, and if McGonagall didn't do something about her… well, let's just say, he thought 16 was a bit too young to consider murder. Her face turned just as livid as he hoped it would by the end of his recount.
With that out of the way, James used his two-way mirror to ask Sirius how everything was going in the hospital wing. He would respect her wish for space from him (after all, not respecting her boundaries had gotten him into this whole, big mess in the first place) as much as it killed him to not go see her himself; but she'd be stupid if she thought she could stop him from at least getting an update on her health.
Apparently everything was being healed nicely and Padfoot was going to stay with her as long as he was allowed. Good man. There was no one he trusted more to guard her when he wasn't around than Padfoot. And who knew… maybe Pads' desire to keep her safe meant his girl and his best mate could finally get along. She's not your girl. She wants nothing to do with you, remember? he had to remind himself begrudgingly. James decided he'd drink the leftover booze from the party that night.
He was hiccuping by the time Sirius came back to the room. He bit his tongue to prevent himself from asking how Lily was doing. Luckily, Remus did it for him.
"Fine I guess. As good as she can be. Pomfrey's making her stay the night just in case." His eyes darted to James looking regretful.
"What?" James asked.
"Nothing."
"Okay," James said taking another swig. He hated that he couldn't grill him for details without giving himself away.
"Stone's pissed at you," Peter said, diverting Sirius' attention and gaze away from James. James noticed he avoided his eyes for the rest of the night, as though ashamed of something. He never did find out what.
James was so confused the next day when Lily sat down near him for lunch. For one beautiful moment he forgot that she hated him and was thrilled to see her again on her own two (wonderfully healed) legs. But nothing lasts forever. He had noticed that their two friend groups seemed to be collapsing — Marlene had never wanted to be the only girl of the group, and now with Lily, it seemed like she didn't have to be.
While that was all fine and dandy, he needed them to stop talking about Divination, because whenever they did, they'd always bring up… damn it: this prophecy. Nothing quite like telling the girl you're in love with that a Seer predicted you'll be a shit dad. He remembered that day so friggin' well. He'd stomached two years of Professor Harris' wide, sad, brown eyes always lingering on him for just a moment too long. She looked at a lot of people like that, but she'd always hold his gaze just a little more than most. Unlike his friends, he didn't drop her class because he thought she was a crazy bat, but because he didn't want to hear any more of her depressing prophecies. In 3rd year, she had everyone doing their ten-year predictions using crystal balls, but had inexplicably made him and Marlene sit it out. In 4th year, she told him there wouldn't be a witch or wizard alive who didn't know his last name. This had definitely been an ego boost since he'd assumed that meant he was going to be a damn good Auror one day. (That is, until he'd curiously asked a follow-up that he immediately wanted to take back: "What will I be famous for, Professor?" She'd looked at him tragically, and responded, "Your love." Sirius snorted so hard that James considered chucking a crystal ball at his head. Harris had misinterpreted Sirius' reaction as jealousy and informed him that he would be just as infamous. This made Sirius even more gleeful.) But then came 5th year, and that shitty prediction was made. The week before, Professor Harris had told him to 'watch his back.' Naturally he was freaked out for days, until the next Quidditch match when he took a Bludger to the back of the head and was out cold all weekend. That prophecy, right after Harris had proved herself competent to him once more, was the final straw. He just didn't want to know anything else. Persuading the other guys to drop the class as well had been all too easy.
He stormed out of the Great Hall rather than hear his friends discuss how he'd be an absentee father just like his own dad was and found solace by the Great Lake. I won't let that happen. I'll be better. I'll be stronger. James knew what it was like to be left behind. He knew he'd never be like that. He was loyal to the ones he loved to a fault. And to a child… my child?! There was no way. Harris was wrong.
As if sensing his misery, Lily approached, a cloud of vapor rising from her frigid lips. He cast a flame without thinking. Well, without thinking of the chill — his mind was racing trying to decipher just why she was approaching him after having figured him out. She was asking about how he was doing… but why? She'd asked for space. If he wasn't allowed to ask how she was, why could she? Why would she?
He asked her as much, and her answer broke his heart. She needed his help. So far the only discernible help he'd been able to provide her was sexual, so he guessed she was down to use his body again. He should have been happy… he should have been thrilled, but he wasn't. He couldn't keep doing this to himself; he couldn't keep pretending that their little arrangement worked for him, because it didn't. He loved her. He didn't want to live in a world where she couldn't see that — where she didn't even want to. He didn't want a future where he'd skived off somewhere by the age of 23 (just like Harris predicted and had kept from him because it was just that embarrassing) leaving his future baby mama and Sirius to raise his son or whatever that damn prophecy meant. He was willing to be there for Lily, for them, if she'd only let him.
He asked her about her recovery, because he sure as hell wasn't going to start shagging her again if it could hurt her, and she better know that, but she seemed to have no clue what he was talking about.
When she clarified, his heart sank further. Imperio her?! What? He was in love with a crazy chick. Great.
But then she explained herself. Explained how it was about fighting, and taking care of herself, all while her eyes danced with his blue flame and her voice was as solid as ice. It was true, out of anyone, she should be learning to defend herself: the cleverest, prettiest, sassiest witch of their year that just so happened to be a Muggle-born? She would never not be a target.
And she called him James. It was the first time he'd heard her ask for help (ever?) and she'd used his first name. She had to know what she was doing… she had to be doing this on purpose. She knew he'd never deny her anything. Did she know exactly how to manipulate him into doing her bidding?
It's motherfucking Imperio though. Okay, so she was asking him to break the law, no biggie, but… she wanted him to take away her free will? She'd just told him to respect her independence and a few days later she was asking him to perform the curse that specifically took that away? He would never understand women. She wants you to Imperio her, he repeated to himself numbly, hoping the concept would start making sense. She must actually trust him a whole lot more than she let on.
When she told him she didn't currently feel safe, that sealed the deal. Lily should always feel — and be — safe. If this was what she truly wanted, no needed, then of course he would help her with it.
So he caved to her under the condition of telling him what to make her do beforehand. No man should have that much power over another.
He most certainly wasn't expecting her to hug him after he agreed. Yes, they'd been shagging… but when was the last time she'd hugged him? 4th year? He felt dumb for how affectionate it felt. Despite the cool November air licking them both, he felt a warmth spreading from where her body pressed against his down to his toes and his fingers. Suddenly he didn't know what to do with his hands anymore. Hug her back, you git. He knew he must be doing something wrong if he knew how to handle her naked better than he knew what to do when she was merely showing him gratitude.
The rest of COMK class coming towards them broke their little cuddle spell. Still racked with the shame of having been labelled a terrible partner, he told her the truth: he would never leave his family behind. He didn't care about Harris' track record. He wouldn't let it come true — he'd die before he abandoned his family. He thought Lily deserved to know that. It didn't escape his notice that the girl had her own terrible history of being left behind: her parents, her sister, Mary… Snivellus. He refused to be another hole carved out of her heart.
They walked into the deserted classroom that night for Lily's first round of Imperius Curse training. He tried not to look up, but his eyes found her yellow, ripped thong hanging from the chandelier where he'd thrown it all the same. Last time they'd been in this room, she'd bet him he couldn't make her come twice in a row. Let's just say, he was rather eager to prove her wrong. (And he did. Twice.)
She wasn't wearing a thong today, though. James tried not to be crude — he really did — but her jeans were tight and he could tell she was wearing boyshort knickers. She also had a light blue jumper that just looked absolutely amazing on her. He knew green was supposed to be bring out her eyes, but this blue just seemed to highlight the softer, gentler side of her personality. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and protect her from the world. He knew she'd never let him, but the desire remained.
She told him what to command her to do… but now he actually had to do it. It felt all sorts of wrong, even making her do something as simple as walk towards him. Her level of faith in him felt overwhelming and, frankly, undeserved. Like yeah, he'd do anything for her, but she doesn't know that, does she? If she did, it seemed to have frightening implications for their relationship. Maybe she knows how much I like her, but she just doesn't feel the same. It would explain the amount of trust she was bestowing upon him whilst still not being with him.
She sassed him into submission. Well, he still had a misfire. The first time he tried making her come to him, he couldn't stop thinking about how it sounded almost like he was begging her to cum, come for him. His mind wandered there without his permission, so obviously his first attempt at the illegal spell failed — he wasn't properly focusing his power. (He was still really hopeful when she appeared unaffected by the curse, praying that perhaps their work here was done. Alas, it was not.)
She was using his name again as she implored him to really try to take over her mind. Why? Why me?! Lily, why are you making me do this?! She tried reminding him that he'd said he'd 'feel like shit' if something happened to her. He cringed hard. That was nowhere near what he'd said. He'd told her he would never be able to forgive himself if something did. That's a huge difference…
She asked for help again, so honest and vulnerable, and he was struck once more by how she was too good, too pure, to be on this planet. Flashes of Avery and Mulciber's faces crossed his mind and he thought of all the things they could do to her with this curse. All the things they had done to her best friend. He wouldn't let that happen. He was going to help her fight back. He Imperioed her.
He completely lost his head when she walked towards him, obeying his command, making him rip his glasses off so her eye contact wasn't hitting him as hard. Fuck. He'd almost forgotten what her exuberant, happy face looked like without any of her guards up. The spell had crumbled her walls and made her approach him just as giddily as she had on the pitch on their first date. Her eyes were glowing and looking at him like he'd hung the moon. He wanted to earn that look from her again — sans magic. He cursed the day he'd told her he couldn't date her and taken that innocent, hopeful gleam from her gaze.
Her anger at failing broke their moment quite abruptly. But soon she was cursing him out like a sailor as she approached, which he didn't think was a side-effect of Imperio, so that was promising. On their second practice session, she tried telling him that he was a 'no-talent scalawag' while she obediently stepped closer to him. Lily might have been the one Imperioed, but James felt like he was the one under her spell. She could make any insult sound so sexy. "No talent, Evans? That's not what you said the first time you came in this room. Or the second."
She sniggered, placing one foot in front of the other. "You know, Potter, I've always heard that if you don't practice your native tongue, you lose it. Wouldn't that be a pity?"
He watched her snap out of the curse and walk back to her starting point on the opposite side of the room. What…? He wasn't sure what Lily had just said even made any sense, but he was pretty sure her intended effect had landed: she wanted him to use his tongue again. Probably on her. No, you're fucking imagining things. Relax. Only it wasn't her last saucy comment thrown his way while Imperioed. James filed it away under 'shit she doesn't mean because her mind's being altered' — or at least he tried to.
By the third session, James finally felt like he could breathe again. Lily had mastered the curse and would forever be a woman of her own volition. He wasn't exaggerating when he thought he felt a great burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. It was self-imposed, but weighed a ton nonetheless. He celebrated by holding her close and spinning her, eliciting a warm and genuine laugh from her surprised lips. He let her triumph fill him up. He couldn't help exactly how that filling worked… or where it concentrated itself in his body.
He was in such a good mood, he sassed Lily into Imperioing him next, kind of loving how timid she seemed to reciprocate cursing him. Well, that rules out that she still wants to psychologically torture me. Always a plus.
Was it bad that he absolutely loved Lily Imperioing him? Relinquishing control to her, doing her bidding… Holy fucking Circe, he wasn't sure if he'd ever found anything more hot than Lily's voice in his head, bossing him around. He felt like he'd just discovered his kink. But I kinda always knew, didn't I…? There were only so many times a woman could reject a man and have that man keep trying to win her over before it forever skewed his view on courtship and devotion.
As soon as she released her hold on him, he jumped to his feet to be with her. She was a drug, his drug, and he needed another hit before he lost it. It was more than a craving, more than a petty desire — he needed her. There was air, and there was Lily. It was all he'd known for a decent chunk of his life. He captured her lips with his, trying to breathe her in, get her into his bloodstream as fast as he could after a week of abstaining.
Lily Evans was back. He could see it in her eyes, see it in her posture, see it in the quiet confidence she exuded even as she giggled. The woman he loved had come back to inhabit her own body, at least somewhat conquering her depression as she conquered the most evil spell of all. James was going to celebrate that to the fullest — after he made a joke about how turned on she was, judging by the perky state of her nipples in his palms, of course.
"Why are we taking this class again?" Sirius grumbled next to James in the back of the near empty classroom.
"Because it drives Walburga up a wall… and we might one day cover motorcycles," James responded dryly as he scribbled down notes. Sirius sighed loudly in reluctant agreement, turning back to the board. It was a bit embarrassing, but there wasn't a single class James concentrated more diligently in than Muggle Studies. He had joked to Lily that he only took the class to understand her better, but it was 100% true. He did. There were so many phrases and terms that she had used while they were growing up that completely flew over his head and he so desperately wanted to know what she was talking about. Sometimes it felt like she was a foreign exchange student that he was trying to speak to, so why not learn her language? He knew it was a dumb analogy — she was a witch — but still, he couldn't ignore that their backgrounds were so totally different. He'd grown up in a pampered magical home where nothing was ever out of reach, and it sounded like her life had been a little different. He wanted to know where she'd come from, what she used to do for fun, what the hell a rocket ship was. Plus, if she ever did invite him to meet Petunia, it would be nice to be her strapping, intelligent boyfriend, not some blubbering weirdo who was befuddled when a telephone rang. (Telephones are apparatuses that briefly carry souls through pew-pew cord magic so other people can communicate with them! James thought proudly. He'd gotten an O in Muggle Studies three years in a row.)
Besides, it wasn't like this class was all bad. Last year, they'd spent a whole month on Muggle sports. While obviously all of them paled in comparison to Quidditch (they're all on the ground, what?!), James thought he might like the sound of football the most. At least it seemed like they roughly had the equivalent of Keepers and Chasers, even if the Chasers were only using their feet. (Honestly, why limit yourself like that?)
This term was all about Muggle entertainment. James was thrilled to learn that Muggles quite had them beat in this department. Why were wizards so impressed with pictures that could move in papers or frames when Muggles had gotten them to move and talk?! Movies sounded like great fun. James wrote down 'cinema' in his notes for future reference and ignored Sirius' blatant eye roll at his enthusiasm.
"Please, like you don't want to go see this War Stars talkie with me," James teased.
Sirius grumbled. "What cool thing could Muggles possibly have imagined for the plot?" Although his words were spiteful, James noticed Pads seemed eager that he wanted to go with him. They agreed they'd watch it over Christmas hols.
Things were easier for Lily and James after they'd worked together. Obviously not ideal, dating each other officially would have been far better of course, but still; it was a welcome improvement. Without the constant stress of obsessing over Lily's safety, James finally felt like he could focus on his past hobbies — such a mischief making. The Marauders performed truly brilliant pranks again (a renaissance if you will): charming Binns to only be able to teach while rapping, having Peeves suddenly take up an interest in educating students about the perils of pre-marital sex (James convinced Sirius that the facts he spewed had to be accurate instead of joking falsehoods because he really didn't want a bunch of teenage pregnancies on their consciences… Remus gave him an approving nod at that), and hexing all Slytherins to a life of never achieving orgasm again unless they admitted aloud to being attracted to at least one Muggle or Muggle-born. (James instantly regretted the terms of the prank when he saw Snape's outlook on life remained the same in the following weeks. He figured the slimeball must be telling someone how much he still fancied Lily. The idea made him sick.)
This jealousy was quickly washed away one night when Lily led him to a secret alcove — and dropped to her knees before him. Holy fucking shit. No way. James stood frozen solid as she finagled his belt… his button… his zipper. Each tug on his clothes was like the universe trying to tell him this was really happening… but he still couldn't believe it. This had nothing to do with her pleasure… this seemingly didn't have anything to do with her plan to feel again at all, so why was she doing it?
He changed his mind about that assessment by the end of her treatment. It looked like she actually got off a little herself having this much control over his body and the resulting satisfaction.
When she freed his cock, he wanted to say something (probably completely asinine), but then she gripped him and he felt like his world shifted inside of his brain. Another earthquake rocked him when her wicked, wicked tongue explored his tip. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his hips perfectly still as to not accidentally ruin any of this moment and inadvertently scare her off. He had no idea what had made him worthy of oral, but like hell he was going to make her change her mind now.
Her lips were slow and cautious as they wrapped around his cock, and James silently wondered if this was her first blowjob. Considering she had been a virgin before him, it was entirely possible. Then again, the way she was looking at him, the heat in her eyes, screamed a lot of things — none of them being 'amateur.'
Egged on by his lack of composure, her hands and mouth worked in tandem, bobbing up and down his length. James was already at risk of completely losing it. This had been a fantasy of his since before he'd even know what proper sex was. It had been a little bit of, Hey, you know how good it feels to tug on your knob? I wonder how good it would feel if some unspecified, pretty redhead who's in all your classes did it instead of you? But like, with her mouth. She was far too good. James groaned, afraid he was going to come in less than a minute as he felt the telltale signs of his impending orgasm encroaching. He put his hands to task, pushing Lily's hair out of her face, but this only gave him an even more unobstructed view of her expression: keen and turned on, cock in her mouth and eyes drinking him in. When'd she get so confident in her sexual side? He absolutely loved it, and that it was all for him. He yanked at her scalp, he couldn't help it, he was about to blow.
"Lily," he groaned in warning so she could abandon ship, "I'm gonna… I'm gonna—"
Her hands wrapped around to his bum, pushing him in deeper to the back of her throat in response. He came almost immediately after, bucking his hips with a loose jaw as his fists in her hair turned more tender. She was still looking right into his soul. "Lily…" Seeing her throat move as she swallowed him was a spiritual experience. Oh fuck. There were no other adequate words in the English language to encapsulate seeing and feeling that.
She released his cock from her mouth with a wet popping noise, her molten stare turning earnest and cute once more as she bit a plush lip innocently. He had no idea how she could pull it off considering she currently had a throat full of his seed. "Was that all right?"
Her words were hesitant, but her expression read, 'tell me how much you loved it.' "You're amazing," he whispered honestly as he pulled her to her feet. It was categorically stupid, but in that moment, he wanted to tell her that he loved her. You are such a teenage cliché, Potter: telling a girl you love her because she just gave you the best head of your life. He was able to at least keep that in, but he wasn't sure for how much longer.
She was fully in her element now, and James thought he'd figured out why: having beat Imperio had reminded her of who she was. She was Lily fucking Evans — she bowed to no man and had more magic in her little toe than some of the Purebloods combined. That this renewal of her personality came in the form of shagging him silly was a happy, albeit unexpected, surprise, but James knew a good thing when it was happening. He was going with it, wherever her current deemed to take him.
She was teasing about jerking him off in the middle of class? Fine. He'd just learn a spell to flick her bean in the next one. Honestly, it almost seemed more like a punishment to him to see her so close to the verge like that. Every time he'd seen that look on her face before, the 'I'm-so-close-it-literally-fucking-hurts' look, he'd known it was his duty to do something about it. But now she was there, all the way on the other side of the room… titillated by his vibrating charm on her panties, but not yet coming. He wrote her mocking messages to try to quell his ache, but it still burned him. He wondered what would be the school sanctioned punishment for shagging your girlfriend on top of her desk in the middle of a lesson. A month of detention? Maybe two? Whatever it is, it would totally be worth it.
When she left for the restroom, he followed shortly afterwards, not even bothering to ask Flitwick for permission. Soon he was touching her again, kissing her, and making his own happy little discovery: she'd worn the same pushup bra from detention all those weeks ago. She'd known he was going to retaliate for her little handjob stunt in DADA the day before (he'd seen her nervous and on to him in the library) and she'd dressed up just for the (possible) occasion. Merlin, I love this woman. He fucked her so hard, they cracked the porcelain sink, having to relocate over to the next one. Lily was too into their shag to notice.
Soon, the first Quidditch match of the season arrived and James was ready. He'd whipped his team into ridiculous shape, as Sirius so often reminded him while flexing his Beater's Bat, but it was all for a reason. Well, maybe three reasons: the first of course was to win the Cup, the second was the glory that came with kicking arse in and of itself, and the third… Lily might actually come watch him play this year. He'd been hoping for this moment ever since she'd promised it to him on their date and he planned to deliver. While he may have been lacking in emotional intelligence or maturity (or whatever the fuck he was missing that was making her hold back from him), he knew he wasn't lacking on the pitch. Our pitch. Truthfully, there hadn't been a time on it where his mind didn't stray to their first kiss, even if only for a second upon dismount after a rough practice.
But then the day started going to shit. Dorcas — his star Seeker — was missing. That she'd come late to their pregame routine wasn't unusual, he knew she had her own morning ritual, and he respected that. It couldn't be easy being the only girl in their rowdy boy's club, especially with how much they all loved to walk around the locker room naked. What was strange was that they were minutes away from game time and she was still a no-show. Dorcas had never let him down before. Unlike his other teammates, she never seemed to bring her own drama onto the field; she was solid. He pulled out the Map and tried to look for her, praying she'd just overslept.
She hadn't, and he couldn't find her label anywhere. His eyes did however, land on something else rather curious… Lily and Adam. Their labels were coming towards the pitch, side-by-side, and James did all he could to keep from punching his locker and busting open his knuckles. Are they holding hands? Are they arm-in-arm? Their labels' proximity suggested as much. We've been in such a good spot… The more lenient angel on his shoulder reminded him they could just be friends. He had friends who were girls, didn't he? Sure, he was related to one of them, and the other was his awesome (but missing) teammate, but there was no reason why women and men couldn't be friends. Right?!
James exited the locker room with his team behind him to tell the referee he was missing his Seeker, a little harshly perhaps. But then he saw her. Not Dorcas, but his Lily in that stupidly cute hat — with Adam's motherfucking arm wrapped around her. He wanted to tear that arm clean off of him and make Sirius use it as a Beater's Bat for the whole game. Maybe return it at the end when it was nice and banged up. He felt something snapping inside of him, whether it was in his gut, his heart, his brain, he couldn't be sure, but it felt raw and ready for revenge. He's wearing her red scarf. That was cutesy couple shit. This wasn't a friendship, this was the lovey-dovey start of a fucking relationship. It felt like such a slap in the face. Maybe this is also Adam's way of bragging to me. He's here at a Gryffindor game wearing my girl's Gryffindor scarf, like she doesn't even need it to cheer for me. The wanker had some fucking nerve. What made Adam, pathetic, shy loser that he was, good enough for her? Why did he get to sling his arm around her like it was nothing?
He couldn't believe she had finally come to a game and he was about to bloody lose. He couldn't believe she'd come to his game while on a date with another bloke. The pitch was his place, his sanctuary, the place he took her to where he at long last had felt confident enough to kiss her because they were in his arena, and it was all about to fall apart. She had to know what she was doing to him by bringing Adam here. She had to.
He wanted to dominate for her, show off, make her so fucking horny for him that she frigging came in the stands. But now he was going to lose, no Seeker, might as well go hang ourselves, and even worse, he was going to lose in front of her and her date.
He was spiraling. He couldn't be letting his hormones get the best of him right now; he had to focus and restrategize everything. You're the fucking captain. Start acting like it. Pushing thoughts of traitorous Lily out of his mind, he yelled the new plays to his team, giving Sirius and McKinley full permission to be as rough and aggressive as they so desired. On a normal day, Sirius' answering evil grin would probably have disturbed him a little, but not today. He needed Sirius' questionable side today. They had to win, even if some Slytherins were knocked out of the sky to do so.
His team played beautifully, but it just wasn't enough. Slytherin caught the Snitch making Gryffindor lose by only twenty points. Anger and shame drove him to fly straight to his tower, terrifying a nerd sitting in the common room when he snuck in through the window. "Shouldn't you be outside?" he heatedly snarled, making the kid scurry away. Good. Now James could be alone and stew. He banished his broom and pads to his room and collapsed into a sofa by the fireplace, dropping his face into his palms. How fucking embarrassing. He couldn't believe he'd lost the game and the girl in one fell swoop.
Adam and Lily seem new though, he thought as people started to file into the room. Perhaps there was still time to stop their relationship from blossoming and he still had a chance to remind her what she'd be missing out on if she went with a weaselly, weak boy like Adam. Maybe James just wanted to punish her for making an absolute fool out of him. He wasn't sure what exactly he was feeling, his stomach was a jumbled mess, but he knew he was ashamed and he didn't want to be. He hadn't been able to dominate on his broom, but for the time being, he could still dominate her. He could teach Lily just whose head (heart) she was messing with.
As soon as she entered the common room, he stormed her right back out of it, his blood boiling in his veins and his skull pounding. He wasn't sure if he'd ever felt so angry upon seeing her. Sure, they weren't exclusive, but didn't he at least deserve the decency of being told she was going to start seeing someone else? Did she truly not even care enough to take his feelings into account?
He slammed the door to a deserted classroom closed and her against it. She had the nerve to look shocked at his behavior, as though she had no idea what part she'd played in provoking it. He had to take a deep calming breath to stop the monster inside of him from claiming his body completely. He leaned into her, tracking her every move, and made sure she still remembered their safe word. (He wasn't that far gone.)
He loved invading her space if only to watch her composure crack right before him. He had been so good, and where had it gotten him? Fucking nowhere. He might as well give in to the pissed off, aggressively dark side of himself. Sure, this wicked edge hadn't reared its ugly head in years, but maybe he would indulge it today. Hell, judging by her body's response, Evans seemed pretty into his rough handling of her. Good. Think of this next time your new fuck buddy can't get you off. He bit her stockings in order to tear them away. Remember my teeth nipping at your back while you touch yourself after an unsatisfying romp with another lover. Remember my breath, hot on your skin. Remember how I could make you gasp before I even touched you. James was over being taken for granted.
He got her to a desk so he could bend her over it. She was so unbelievably gorgeous displayed before him in nothing but her underthings. Normally he'd appreciate the view — take in her long legs and pert bum, her back arching as he pulled her arms back towards him — but today it only set him off further. She's so fucking beautiful, but she'll never be yours, not really. He could fuck her body into oblivion, but he still wasn't the one with his arm around her in public. He wasn't the one swapping scarves with her. Images of her wearing his jersey, his last name proudly written across her back, flew through his mind. Stop, he berated himself, yanking the offending shirt off of his own chest.
He touched her, and by Merlin, she was soaked through. Yep, we definitely have the same kink. Her line to him about Remus snaked its way into his brain: "Our personalities are far more compatible than ours are." He snarled. They belonged together, why couldn't she just accept that?
And then she had the sheer nerve to try to get him to stop teasing her and get started already. What? Did she really think he was ready to surrender any control over to her right now? Did she actually believe she could wield any power bent over for him like she was? Aw Evans, that's cute. So he spanked her, even though he knew calling him Potter wasn't technically breaking any of their rules because he wasn't inside of her yet, but fuck it. I'll do what I want. He spanked her ass again, firmly enough to make his hand smart. He watched enthralled as her perfect skin bloomed into a piqued pink for him. She had the juiciest ass. He wanted to sink his teeth into it.
He wasn't trying to be cruel however; he wanted to punish her right. And that involved making her come so hard she'd second guess every decision that she'd ever made in her life up until that point. Apparently, that process started by trying to kiss him, and while he wouldn't allow it, he understood her reaction: he'd always been told he was very good with his hands, and his fingers were currently playing her clit with every ounce of depravity he possessed.
She was foxy today, fighting his assertion of authority every chance she got, but he didn't care. It was his turn to destroy her. He slipped off her knickers and teased her with his cock, yearning to hear her beg for it. She didn't disappoint: "Fuck me, James." Yes, ma'am.
She'd always felt unreasonably good, but today her tightness mocked him. Her muscles squeezed his length, as though reminding him, while he tried to remind her, that this was the best each of them would ever have. He groped at her, her breasts, her hair, just wanting to claim anything and everything, his mind melting in libidinousness as his hips worked in overtime. All he could do was feel, feel, feel. He watched with obscene delight as his cock sunk in and out of her, slick with her juices as he pounded away. Every thrust had her ass bouncing against his body, and he just couldn't get enough. He had to look elsewhere if he wanted to last.
A naughty thought overtook him as he watched her pulse hammering along her neck: he could delay any possible suitors (again) for at least another week. He knew it was a desperate move even as he bit and sucked at the delicate side of her throat, but a word had never better described him in the moment. He was desperate. He hated that she made him this way.
However, he was delighted when he demanded that she come for him and she actually did. High on the rush, he rode out her orgasm, afraid for a moment that she'd literally passed out. Judging by how loudly she'd just screamed out his name as she clenched all around him, he wouldn't have been that surprised if she had. Then again, James was an arrogant man, and he knew he could do even better.
As she recovered, he tore off his undershirt and lifted her onto the desk, flipping her over before he climbed up between her legs. He ripped off her tattered bra — it looked old, and he'd buy her a better one anyway. Besides, he wanted to see her perfect breasts, so he would. He raised her hips up to his as he sat up onto his knees, ready to fuck her all over again. At this point, he figured if she couldn't walk tomorrow, that meant she couldn't walk away.
Their new position proved almost to be too much for him, his cock rubbing along the entire length of her front wall and his lower abdomen slamming against her clit with every thrust. He was doing all the work, but somehow she seemed to be the exhausted one. I'll keep my stamina up, just for you baby, he couldn't help but coo in his head while he mocked her endurance out loud. She didn't deserve his coddling right now. She'd just gone and crushed… again.
He pounded away harder, trying to forget, trying to let the ecstasy her cunt provided completely consume him.
Naturally, his unusual lack of attention to her pretty face made her ask him to kiss her. James couldn't believe how much he'd underestimated her potential for wickedness all these years. She didn't just want to break his heart, she wanted to rip it out of his chest herself and hold it in her palm in front of him while it made its final pathetic beats. He was trying to prove something to her, yes, but also… he needed to prove something to himself with this shag. He needed to show himself that, fine, she was moving on, and it would hurt, but he'd be okay. Somewhere between pummels, this shag had turned into James demonstrating that Lily could just be another, random girl to him, and he could fuck her like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing. It was possible to have sex with her without the soul-merging eye contact, the tender caresses… the making love. It could just be sex to him too.
But if she insisted on making him kiss her, it was like she was lighting a match next to his thin wall of straw, calling his bluff. "Please…" she moaned. Fuck you, Evans, seriously fuck you for doing this to me. He flattened his body down onto hers, ramming into her ferociously but caving to her demand all the same. His hand came to her throat while he kissed her, trying to hold onto the last pretense of power he had. It was ridiculous; she'd just depressingly reminded him that when it came to her, he had absolutely none.
Her fingers in his hair sealed the deal, the soft familiar action allowing him to let go inside of her. He collapsed on top of her glowing body, feeling like he'd just fought the most epic battle within himself. She wasn't done fucking with him yet though it seemed. She cradled him to her. Oh, so she's going to cuddle me after that?! James needed to get the fuck out of there. He threw his clothes on hastily and scrammed before she could make him hate himself and his weakness for her any more.
He stalked back to the common room, glad to see the rest of the team had made it back now. He garnered more than his fair share of stares coming back alone after how he'd dragged Evans out half an hour ago, but luckily his presence commanded enough respect that no one dared ask him questions. Or maybe he just looked that livid, who knew.
"There you are," Sirius drawled as James approached, shoving a Firewhiskey into his hand. "You've got to stop hoarding the Map. You know we all made it, right?"
"Sorry mate. I'll give it back." He figured he wouldn't be sneaking around with Lily so much anymore anyway and so there was nothing to hide. He was just about to ask why Sirius looked like he'd seen a ghost when Lily shoved his apparently-forgotten jersey into his stomach. She stormed up the stairs looking mad as hell.
What does she have to be pissed about?!
"You're shagging Evans?!" Fuck. Well, she couldn't blame him for Padfoot figuring it out. Why else would she be returning his shirt to him with wild sex hair and a hickey that took over half her neck? James had to admit, this was not how he would have liked to tell his best friend what was going on.
"What?!" Marlene shrieked from a nearby armchair, snapping her book shut as she hopped to her feet. He hadn't even noticed her there yet. "You two are shagging?! Circe, I thought maybe you guys were just heavy snogging this whole time!"
"You knew they were snogging?!" Sirius asked scandalized and looking more and more betrayed by the second. "What the hell, Prongs?" He backhanded his chest.
James felt like he was caught with his pants down. "She didn't want anyone to know!"
Sirius snorted. "Well, you are quite embarrassing to admit having anything to do with."
Before James could retort, Marlene cut in, "Are you serious? I can't believe you guys are," her voice got really quiet but very shrill, "having sex!"
James took a sad swig of his drink. "Well, we were. But I doubt she'll want to continue now that she's dating Adam," he grumbled.
"What?" Marlene asked, hands on her hips.
"Her and Adam. They've got this unnatural thing going on now, I saw them at the match—"
Marlene took her book and started thumping his arm with it, making him flinch and step back. "You," WHACK "are," WHACK "such," WHACK "an idiot, James Potter!"
James looked to Sirius for help, but he was watching amused, as if he felt James deserved this after keeping him in the dark. "Marlene, stop—!"
"No! I can't believe I was rooting for you!" Marlene pushed back the blonde strands that had escaped her ponytail. "How long have you guys been shagging?"
James mumbled his answer into his goblet.
"What was that?" Marlene demanded.
"Since the beginning of October," James muttered a little louder.
Marlene's jaw dropped and hung open as though she'd lost her ability to speak. Sirius whistled. James was too afraid to look at his face. Marlene found her voice again. "Let me get this straight. A girl who you know used to have a huge crush on you last year has been sleeping with you for over a month, and you don't think that she likes you?!"
Well, I sound dumb when you put it like that. James tried defending himself, "It was just sex."
He could tell from how her jaw dropped even lower that this was the wrong thing to say. "Just sex? You had just sex with the depressed girl that's smitten with you?! What is wrong with you?"
James dodged her flying book, holding up his forearms. "It was her idea, I swear! I wanted more, but she doesn't!"
Marlene dropped the book lamely to her side. James wondered if the rest of the common room who could see them thought she was just a Quidditch fanatic who was reprimanding the captain for losing. "Huh?"
James tentatively lowered his arms from in front of his face. "Evans came on to me. Said she just wanted sex." He felt a little guilty telling them this, but he didn't want them to think he'd taken advantage of Lily either.
Marlene said, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," at the same time Sirius whined, "Your fantasy comes to life and you don't even tell me…"
"Sorry," James replied to both, feeling perfectly inadequate. He threw a hand in his hair and ruffled it anxiously. "Like I said though: it doesn't matter anymore. She had a date with Adam today, at my game," he tacked on childishly, "so I'm pretty sure that's the end of us." He took another dejected gulp.
"Like I said: you're an idiot." Marlene rolled her eyes. "Lily agreed to watch with him because he has no other friends. I'm pretty sure the kid likes her, but she's been nothing but platonic with him. He kept trying to talk to her during the match, and I don't think she heard a single thing he said." Her gaze on him melted into pitying. "She was too busy being fixated on your every move. She does that a lot, you know."
The pit in his stomach disappeared only to be replaced by an even heavier one. Oh. You just fucked up, big time. "You think she likes me?" He felt like he was 13 years old again.
Marlene sighed, heading for her staircase. "Why don't you ask her yourself, you doofus?" She mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, "How are you gonna shag but not communicate with one another…" James thought her judgement was exceedingly high and mighty. Okay, he excelled at shagging while his cousin was good at talking about her feelings, so what? Everyone had their strengths… He couldn't very well be expected to be this awesome at everything. With one hand on the rail, Marlene froze and turned back to him. "Wait, you're not sleeping with multiple girls are you?" Her jaw clenched like she was trying not to yell. "Because Lily didn't come home super late on Halloween, but Sirius said you did."
"No. I'm not." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's a long story…"
Sirius clapped the back of James' neck, grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey and led him to the boys' staircase. "One that he's now going to tell me all about, right Prongsie?" His best friend could be a little scary sometimes.
James felt like a right git. Not only had Marlene made him feel like an utter moron, but then Sirius totally shocked him by being on Lily's side in all of this. Apparently they'd had a heart-to-heart in the hospital wing and squashed their beef. When James tried to complain that Sirius should have told him, he gave him a withering look that shut him down real quick. Right. I can't whinge about keeping secrets right now. Pads elaborated that he got the feeling Lily still held a torch for him.
James' elation at the revelation warred with his shame over having just rutted her on a desk (no matter how hot that had been) and then leaving her there after he'd finished. Oh you're in so much shit. James vowed he'd pull her aside at dinner and finally get to the bottom of what she wanted from him. He tried not to let his two friends' assessments sway him too much, but it was hard not to give in to the hope. (Well, three friends if you would have listened to Moony. They never listened to Moony's advice. They probably should start sooner rather than later… James was starting to suspect Remus was the only one of their group with his head screwed on right.)
James happily told Sirius everything as they tossed up Bertie Botts in the air and caught them with their mouths. (James only choked twice during his tawdry tale.) It felt so good to get everything off of his chest to his best mate. It felt even better to realize that Sirius was no longer judging him as harshly as he had last year. It was ironic, because James felt like his feelings for Lily had only exploded in the meantime. Perhaps living with him and becoming even more of his brother had made Sirius confident of his critical and irreplaceable role in James' life. Maybe they were all growing up.
"So what's the game plan now?" Sirius asked as he bravely kept chewing his wood flavored jelly bean.
James let out a big sigh. "Not sure. I just have to fix it I guess." He turned to his friend sharply. "Please don't make a big deal out of this in front of her. At least, hold off on your usual theatrics for now."
Sirius gave a sly smirk. "Surely I have no idea what you're referring to."
"Surely you do. I mean it though. She's like a fucking doe right now. Just a little bit of teasing and you might just spook her off for good. Please don't."
"All right, all right," Sirius replied dramatically. "I'll be on my best behavior for you two lovebirds. But of course you made a soddening deer reference."
James grinned lopsidedly as Moony and Wormtail walked through the door, and only the latter was shocked and subsequently slightly hurt by the new couple alert.
"You told Moony but not me?" Sirius screeched.
"Calm your knickers, he didn't tell me, I figured it out. It was obvious," Remus sighed.
Sirius sputtered. "Obviously not."
James smiled as they bickered. The situation was salvageable.
Unless Evans just hid out in her dorm until one of them died. He was guessing it would be her from starvation in a few short days. He stole the Map back from an irritated Padfoot ("It's for an honorable quest, I promise!"), got out his cloak, and went to the kitchens for some to-go sandwiches, waiting until the rest of the girls left Lily's room. Then he went to the place of his eternal shame. He figured if there was ever a situation that called for him conquering his guilt over having read her diary, this was it.
When he snuck into her room, she looked lost in thought, huddled on her bed in her pajamas looking cute as hell. Her hair was a mess and she was fresh-faced. It was nice. He liked seeing her like this. He reminded himself to be extra charming today to alleviate any of the tension his rough shag might have caused… Operation Win Lily Back is officially in effect!
It seemed to be working; he could tell she wanted to smile at least, until she threw him the absolute curveball of wanting to start using condoms. For one heart-stopping second, he thought maybe this was her way of telling him she'd had a pregnancy scare and — fuck, fuck, fuck. But then he realized smugly, Nah, she's just asking if we're exclusive. At least he hoped that's what she was doing, and she wasn't actually telling him that she was about not to be…
She shut down when he asked her if she was fucking around, getting super defensive. So far talking things through is going really great, thanks a bunch Marlene. Now he felt stupid and vulnerable.
He figured he might as well rip the bandaid off completely and ask if she wanted a relationship. She said no so fast it gave him whiplash. Well shit. He concentrated everything he had into keeping his face neutral, his eye from twitching, and his hand from anxiously tugging on his hair, but he was devastated all the same. It was just as he'd feared then.
He expressed his sorrow through sass, but could not deal with getting sassed right back. Why? Why can't she just make up her mind or cut me loose? She was unfuckingbelievable; she couldn't even tell him what she wanted from him! He wasn't a mind reader! Either she wanted his affection or she didn't, she wanted him to stay, or she didn't. But she couldn't just sit there and tell him off for trying to obey the very rules that she'd instated! It was absurd.
So he pushed and he pushed, eventually cracking the honesty out of her: all of this wishy-washy crap stemmed from him breaking her heart last year. Shit. Obviously he tried to keep himself from reliving that moment where he'd cut things off between them as much as he could, not loving to dwell in the past and rarely ever having time for regret — but he regretted that. He regretted everything about that moment, but especially the pain in her eyes. But I tried to ask her out the next week! I tried to explain myself over and over, but she didn't want to listen! I was remorseful as shit! The excuses all fired away in his brain, but right now it didn't matter, because Lily had said the quiet part out loud. She wasn't letting herself fall for him because of his past betrayal. At least he now had his definitive reason. And at least it has to do with the enormity of her feelings, rather than a total lack of them… Apparently you couldn't keep his 'find-the-silver-lining' impulse down for very long.
This changed everything. She was scared. She felt the same way he did (I knew it!), but he needed to prove himself to her. I can do that. I can prove I'm the man she thought I was last year. Prove I'm the type of man she can rely on, the type of man she can love. He wasn't going to hold back any longer. She'd just granted him permission to go all in, and he was no longer afraid of that. When she asked him what he wanted, he could finally be honest: you.
She looked like she was on the verge of accepting his answer when his ex came and mucked everything up. While it was fun to watch Lily rush around in a blind panic to hide him (and even more fun to realize they were now trapped on this bed side-by-side together), he did really wish they'd been able to finish their conversation. Alas, he now knew enough to happily move forward with her.
Of course, the girls are gossiping about us, he mused happily. His glee died as soon as Brianna spoke of their past shagging. Fuck. I really hope she's not finding out that I used to date that girl this way… James pulled Lily closer. They may have been forced into silence, but there were other ways he could show his loyalty to her… Her telling him that she was 'too sore' was an absolute buzzkill, however. When James heard Brianna talk about his supposed 'daddy issues' (thanks bitch), he realized he had to up his distraction strategy. He figured he could show off a little at the same time and revealed the Map to Lily. It was never a bad idea to remind the witch you loved that you were a closeted genius after all.
That her awe drove her to kiss him made him reevaluate his study schedule. This is good, I can work on this. If a nerd was what she wanted, a nerd he could give her. It was the strangest feeling, but knowing she didn't just want him for his cock made the kiss ten times more meaningful to him. He let his fingertips graze along her cheekbone and lightly skim up her thigh as she wrapped her leg around him. He knew he was so lucky to still have her. And hot damn is she a good kisser. Her lips were made to be lightly tugged on by his.
James pulled out all the stops in wooing her, including giving her a famous Captain Potter massage. True, he'd only ever given them to his male teammates before, but he figured the same motions still applied (except for the titty-sucking at the end; that was strictly for Lily, thank you very much).
When she brought up her bras all mysteriously disappearing, he had to hold back a chuckle. No shit, he'd been stealing them, did she actually think that she was that clumsy? He really wanted to see her strut around braless, that's all. Tits that perfect and perky deserved to bounce free, to peek out when they were excited throughout the day, and just generally be awesome and unrestricted as Lily moved about the castle. He liked his odds at making this dream a reality considering she'd just mentioned she was onto her last bra… but he knew for a fact that said garment was currently tucked safely away in his cloak pocket. (He'd switched it out for his scarf before she'd even been aware he was in the room.) He prided himself on his sneakiness.
When he finally left the room, heart full and lips enflamed, James couldn't help but feel he'd just had the best Sunday of his life. Hope sprang eternal.
Then again, Monday didn't look like it was shaping up to be too shabby either. Of course he'd made this determination whilst Lily, wrapped up in his scarf, sat down at the dining table for breakfast rather… bouncily.
Considering they were talking to Dorcas about her super serious disappearance, he tried not to focus on Lily's breasts, but he couldn't help but notice how she'd leaned in, placing them on the table, after he'd thrown his arm around Dorcas. He recognized a jealous move when he saw one. Calm down, Evans. I only have eyes for you.
James' amused little bubble was swiftly popped when Dor told them all that she'd likely been hit with Dark Magic gone wrong. How do I protect Lily from this? How do I keep her safe? His fantasy of kidnapping her to a little beach island sounded really good right about now.
Lily offered him the opportunity to show off his (apparently very sexy) nerdy side shortly after. It turned out she'd been rather impressed when he'd turned McGregor into a goat 4th year, even if she hadn't realized it had been his wandwork. (He'd cast that spell again too — comments about Lily's rack should be kept strictly to oneself, or given only when desired by her in the heat of the moment, no exceptions!) So naturally, he'd be the one to catch Dor up on Transfig. Besides, it was no big deal. They'd only really covered various forms of human to animal transformations this term. He could teach that shite in his sleep.
Needless to say, he was already dumb-horny for her before they'd even gotten to their first class. She looked so damn adorable dancing in the rain on their way to Herbology, his initials swinging along her neck. She wasn't letting him link arms with her yet, but he knew they'd get there soon. He appreciated her little charm to keep his glasses dry more than she'd ever know.
Course, she was still Lily frigging Evans, so that meant that she would always have the near-constant desire to let him know she could never be tamed. Damn, I get it woman, jeez, he thought as he cast a drying spell on her wet, see-through shirt from across the greenhouse. He'd received her message loud and clear: give me back my bras, or else… He'd always respect a fellow prankster (and this one sure knew her audience).
Sirius' 'chill' didn't last long, and soon James saw him asking Lily all sorts of poignant, double-meaning questions. While he wanted to throttle his friend, he was pleasantly surprised that Lily didn't seem to mind Pads' prodding too much. Huh. Maybe the scoundrel knows what he's doing…
Course, his renewed confidence didn't stop him from carrying out, let's just say, time-honored traditions. He may now know that Lily and him were solid, but clearly Hufflepuff-reject Adam didn't. James just didn't like the guy, and he couldn't put his finger on why (all his friends rolled their eyes and told him, "Yeah. Okay buddy…") Whatever the reason, James gave him terrible acne before the squeaky git stole Lily away to the Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff game — thus robbing James the opportunity to wow his girlfriend with his plethora of nerdy Quidditch knowledge.
Her resulting 'lesson' to deter him from continuing his past wayward behavior was something else entirely. (He was pretty sure he was now living in one of those trashy romance novels Marlene always prattled on about, because this was pretty fucking awesome.) If she always rode him until his eyes rolled back into his skull whenever he was bad, then he was highly considering a life of crime so she'd 'rehabilitate him' in perpetuity. It was another instance when James had to ponder, Are you that innocent to not see what you're doing to me, or are you exactly as deviant as I am?
Something shifted for her by the end of November though. He assumed it had nothing to do with him, but he was still dead curious as to what had caused it. Since her mood tanked at the same time as Remus' transformation, he briefly wondered if their bad vibes were contagious or something. He couldn't wait till the two of them were in a place where he could just ask her about something as perfectly ordinary as her day. Baby steps, Potter. She likes you but isn't ready for a 'relationship.'
The golden opportunity to convince his girlfriend that she was in fact his girlfriend landed in his lap shortly afterwards. Sirius — supreme best mate that he was — told him that Lily was looking for a place to crash over Christmas. Brilliant. I have rooms! I practically have a castle! He couldn't help but grin maniacally to himself: this had the potential to be the best Christmas ever.
He laid on the charm thick as he worked on persuading her, all naughty jokes, fly grins, and cheeky touches. Adam interrupting their chat cemented James' opinion on the wanker: he could fuck right off.
When James asked Wormtail to go eavesdrop on Lily and Adam's conversation in Herbology the next hour, it wasn't due to jealousy, you see, it was merely a need born from curiosity. (Which is normal, right?) James was under the impression that whether or not he got his Christmas present this year hung in the balance of this conversation. While Wormy's little recon mission nearly ended in bodily harm for his friend (and Sirius shamed him so hard for it that he didn't feel comfortable asking Peter what he'd heard until after class…) the information he'd gathered was invaluable. Apparently, not only had Lily friend-zoned the shite out of ugly, oozing, festering Adam, but she'd fessed up to him that there was something brewing between her and him. Take THAT universe! He'd always known she didn't actually think he was a 'bullying toerag' (the fact that he thought that insult in her voice seemed to contradict that statement, however).
"James?" Three of the Marauders looked up in surprise at a very burly and shy 3rd year girl currently loitering by their open door.
"Yeah?" James answered confused.
"Dumbledore wants to see you in his office." She had turned bright red over the course of a single sentence. Her task being completed, she turned and sprinted away.
Sirius laughed and since Remus was at the library, Peter took it upon himself to be the adult in the room. "What did you do?"
"Nothing you guys didn't help me with, I don't think…" Technically James had banished all of Professor Stone's left socks, bribed another portrait to always take her quarter's portrait on dates when Stone came home for the night (thus leaving her stranded with no one to give her password to), hidden tacks in her chair, hit her nostrils with a hair growth charm, etc, etc, but other than that, he'd been practically angelic. (And no, he hadn't broken his word to Lily about unwarrantedly hexing people, because Stone most certainly deserved his ire.)
Sirius chuckled. "Oh well, good luck."
James made his way to the Headmaster's office, unfortunately being very well acquainted with its location.
What Dumbledore wanted to talk to him about completely shocked him.
"Mr Potter," Oh Merlin, here it comes… "I have just been informed that you will be housing quite a few students in your manor this holiday." Huh? Yeah, so? "As such, I must request that you all use my Floo to go home and that you and your guests refrain from leaving your grounds for the duration of the break. I cannot stress this enough."
But Padfoot and I are going to check out a cenima this hols! He wants to go pub crawling again — and I can't very well tell him why I no longer want to! We like eating out sometimes!
Perhaps Dumbledore could already see the wheels turning in James' head, planning various ways to sneak out of the house with his cloak, because he continued sternly, "I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there is a war brewing. As she is Muggle-born, you must be aware that Miss Evans currently faces more danger than you do outside of the castle—"
"I'm sorry Professor," James interrupted eagerly, "did you just say Evans?"
Dumbledore gave him a knowing smile. "Miss Evans, yes." Dumbledore stood up and walked to his door and James knew he was being ushered out. "As your guest, it is your responsibility to ensure her safety, is it not?"
Damn, he's good. James tried not to dwell in the embarrassment that even the Headmaster of all of Hogwarts was aware of his Lily-obsession… and knew just how to use it to manipulate him into compliance. He lingered in the threshold. "Of course. So not a single toe off the grounds then?" A new fantasy of taking Lily out for a proper date had just taken root inside of him.
Dumbledore gave him a kind nod. "Not a single one." He looked at him significantly over the rim of his half-moon glasses.
Okay, okay, message received. James practically skipped back to Gryffindor. Lily was officially staying at his place over hols. Life was amazing.
He could barely wait for her to come back from her study session, too amped up and ready to celebrate this monumental step with her. She was fully embracing her feelings for him! She was trusting him not to drive her crazy for three weeks! They'd get to be together!
As soon as he saw her, he threw her over his shoulder to kidnap her to the Room of Requirement. All this mirth had made him horny as fuck.
He was dead curious to see how the room would present itself to her, but petrified when she asked him if the room really did only show where you most wanted to shag. For one brief second, he was scared she'd remember his completely sappy setting for their Halloween shag and realize he was an overeager creep. (Old insecurities die hard I guess…) Her joke assuaged all his worries.
Where will she take me? Will it be somewhere sexy? Some Muggle location? Marlene had once informed him the Eiffel Tower was supposedly sexy. Will it be standard and boring? He was secretly hoping she'd show him a little bit of sentimentality.
When the mahogany door materialized, his optimism soared. Does she know that's the same wood as my wand? He had no idea how to interpret the spiky gold door handle she'd manifested though. Gold was probably for Gryffindor… but the prongs? Obviously she can't know about my Animagus form. Was it a metaphor for the barbed wire protecting her heart that he was about to circumvent? An ode to his hair? Who knows…
When they walked in, hand-in-hand, the sight of the pitch took his breath away. His heart felt ready to burst — they were finally on the same page and willing to let the other know. He knew just how much bravery it took for her to be this vulnerable for him, and he vowed he'd spend the rest of his life trying to be worthy of her.
I love you, I love you, I love you, he murmured in his mind.
He'd been her first kiss. Somehow his heart (or yeah, maybe it was his self-confidence) had always known this despite the contradictory evidence he'd been supplied afterwards. That kiss had been too special for it to have been anything else. She hadn't known it was his too… Suddenly he didn't feel like such a loser for having waited until 15 to start snogging.
He pushed himself to be just as open as her. He pushed through his fear of loving her too deeply and recklessly to meet Lily where she was daring to go. He knew this was the only way they could ever truly to be together — they both had to drop their shields, and he refused to let his dumb ego hold him back anymore. And he wouldn't let her sabotage herself either. He pressed her to keep conquering her doubts, but offered to take it all at her own pace.
All right, enough verbally bleeding out our souls to each other for one night. James was ready to prove his devotion physically.
It was so nice to be able to take his time with her body. So often, he'd feel like they were stealing a second as they snuck away from their classmates, but not now. It was just them: Lily and James, giving in to their love completely. Because she did love him… he knew it. He could see it in the happy tears rolling down her cheeks and the way she was letting him see her. There was no longer a guard up. It was like she was saying, 'This is me, take it or leave it.' It was the easiest decision he ever had to make — he would devote his whole existence to choosing her each and every day she'd let him.
All the pain, the awkward conversations and missed connections had been worth it because it had given them this moment.
James tucked a strand of hair behind her ear tenderly as he made love to her under the stars. He knew he'd never love anyone more in his entire life than Lily Evans.
Next Chapter: Cause I Still Fucking Love You, Babe