Chapter 15 : So Much

April 6, 2004

Misa was hardly able to sleep knowing that L was upset with her, and for good reason. The more she thought about it, she realized she had been too impulsive, but she really did believe that taking Kira out first was the best hope they had of all of them surviving. Maybe she should have discussed all that with L first though, or at least the part where she halved her lifespan.

L probably would have found some trick for Rem to show them who Kira was without the eyes. He was much cleverer than her with solid plans of action that always garnered results. She just did things in the moment, and though that usually worked for her, it definitely had its downsides. Seeing the fear in L's eyes hurt her, especially knowing that she did that to him.

On top of that, she had lied to Naomi, who was practically her best friend. Not long after L left, the older woman cornered her to ask her own questions.

"Why did you tell me you knew how many years you got from Gelus?" Naomi asked.

"I didn't want you to worry. You weren't going to be comfortable with me getting the eyes unless I said I was sure I had enough time to spare." Misa answered. Unlike how things went down with L, the two women were sitting on couches opposite each other and speaking calmly.

"Misa, I don't want to beat a dead horse, but-"

"I know. I should have told you the truth. I should have told L the truth. I'm sorry." Misa put her head in her hands and sighed heavily. She had really messed things up this time, hadn't she?

"Why were you so set on using the death note?" Naomi questioned after a long pause.

"I want him dead." Misa admitted. "I want Kira dead and I figured you and L wouldn't let me do it, so I should act on my own."

Misa picked the note up and continued on, "It would be so easy too. I know his name now; I could write it down right now and the case would be solved. And you know how dangerous he is. If we all want to get out of this alive, it's him or us."

"Misa, stop." Naomi said as she reached out and grabbed the note from the young model's hands. "I understand how you feel, trust me, I've had my moments where I wished I could get my revenge on Kira too, but this isn't the way. It'll be better if we all work together."

"And what happens after we turn Kira in? Won't L have to explain how he killed? Do you know how many people would kill to get their hands on this thing?" Misa argued, pointing to the cursed object. She could just imagine other nations losing their shit over the chance to use such a weapon.

"L wouldn't let them get their hands on the death note, you know that. He'd destroy it. The secret would die with us." Naomi said as she set the note down again.

She was probably right; it was unlikely L would let the note fall into the wrong hands when he knew how dangerous it was. Misa still couldn't help but think it would all just be easier if they killed Light right now and washed their hands of the whole situation.

"I don't want L to die." Misa sighed, feeling defeated.

"And he doesn't want you to die either. Neither do I." Naomi replied, gently placing her hand on Misa's knee. "Using this note will only bring about greater misfortune, isn't that right, Rem?"

The Shinigami had been quiet since the detective left, but she decided to finally add her own voice into the conversation. "I could kill Kira for you."

"Really?" Misa asked, perking up. The offer surprised her, she hadn't even considered asking Rem to kill Kira, but then another thought suddenly came to her, "But wouldn't that kill you?"

"There's a chance I would die, but I am willing to risk it to ensure that Misa has a happy life." Rem answered.

The Shinigami's answer reminded Misa of the story of Gelus, and Misa wondered why Rem would be willing to do so much for her, but then it hit her. Misa stared at her with wide eyes, the realization that yet another god of death had fallen for her hitting her full force. "But I don't want Rem to die."

"I won't make a move without your word, but if it comes down to it, I will write Kira's name down to save your life."

"Rem, I don't know if I'm worth all that." Misa said quietly. She didn't understand how she could earn the love of two powerful gods, so much so that they would be willing to give their lives up for her. She was just one girl and all she did was model and cause problems for others.

"You are. Gelus knew it and I see it now too." Rem stated simply.

Before the conversation could continue much further, Naomi stood and said, "It's been a long night, we should all go to bed and regroup in the morning. We shouldn't make any decisions without some proper time to rest and think."

"You're right." Misa said, getting to her feet as well. Before she entered her own room, she turned back to her friend and said, "I really am sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry if I worried you today too. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble."

"It's okay, Misa, really." Naomi replied with a soft smile. "Get some rest, I'll see you in the morning."

After their conversation ended, Misa found herself laying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Part of her still wanted to write Light's name down so all of this could finally be over, but she didn't want to risk upsetting L and Naomi any further. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were before the Kira case began.

Honestly, what she really wanted was to travel back in time to May and save her parents' lives. After that, she'd somehow find L, Raye, Naomi, and the others all over again. Mako would be raising her baby alongside their parents who would help her every step of the way. Misa would introduce her mom to L and they would laugh and talk about how they already knew each other from working together. Misa's dad would tell Misa she had found a good one and that she should hold on tight and never let go. Raye and Naomi would have their perfect wedding and Misa could be the maid of honor. Then after the ceremony, all the older adults would pester her and L about how they would be next. It would all be so lovely.

If only.

.

The next morning, Misa awoke to a phone call from Watari. She told him it would be better for her to explain everything in person, and then promptly got ready for the elder man's visit. She decided she'd show him the note and all the rules, but hid Rem in her room so the old man wouldn't be terrified. The last thing she wanted was for him to have a heart attack.

The former inventor took all the knowledge of the Shinigami world in pretty well in comparison to the three others who had learned about it. In fact, he didn't show any kind of major reaction at all to the news of death gods existing and the powerful weapon of the death note being the tool Kira used to murder criminals. Misa was impressed with how he just nodded and accepted all of this as if it were just another Tuesday for him. Maybe old age had mellowed him out that much or maybe he just thought she was completely crazy and he was used to crazy people.

When she told him about the eyes and how she had made the trade for them, she could see a look of realization cross his face, but he didn't show any anger towards her. Instead, he just simply asked if there was a way to reverse the deal, but unfortunately, there wasn't. After that, the only questions he had were about destroying the death note.

"Rem told me we can destroy the death note by burning it." Misa replied. "Once it's destroyed though, I'll lose my Shinigami eyes and any memories tied to the death note."

"You'll lose memories?" Watari questioned.

"She will forget the names and lifespans she's seen. She'll forget about me and the Shinigami world too. Any memories directly tied to the note will be forgotten, but everything else will remain. She won't forget the time she's spent with all of you or the love she feels." Rem answered from inside her bedroom.

"Will I forget about Kira?" Misa suddenly wondered.

"You won't forget that he exists, but you'll forget who he is exactly and how he killed." Rem responded.

"We can destroy it after the case is solved, but in the meantime, we should keep it hidden." Watari decided.

"I've been hiding it in the apartment, but it would be nice to have a better hiding spot."

"I have an invention I made not long ago that could be of use. It's a briefcase that combusts on the spot if the wrong code is entered."

Misa could only see this going wrong for her. "What if I don't remember the code?"

Watari removed his glasses to clean them a bit before he answered. "It may be for the best if only L and I know the code."

Misa wanted to argue with that, but just then there was a knock at the door. She glanced at Watari, who also seemed surprised, and then at Naomi who had just entered the room from her bedroom, but she had no knowledge of the guest either. Misa finally made her way over to the door to answer it, trying not to let her hopes build up too much. With her luck, it would be Light Yagami standing on the other side.

She peeked through the door's peephole and much to her delight, there L stood in his usual awkward stance. She threw the door open and was about to rush in to hug him, but stopped herself as she realized he was likely still upset with her. Would he even accept a hug from her now? Was he even here for her? Maybe he just came to collect Watari and go. Wouldn't it be weird if she didn't hug him though? She always hugged him in greeting and if she didn't now that would prove things were still messed up between them.

As she stood there debating with herself, L just stared at her until she eventually understood that he was waiting to be let in. She stepped aside awkwardly, and L looked like he might say something, but then changed his mind as he closed the door behind him and walked into the living room.

Naomi had gravitated towards the couch, accepting that some impromptu meeting was about to occur, and Misa decided to sit beside her instead. L sat in a chair by himself in his usual position, staring down at his hands as he held onto his knees.

After an uncomfortable pause, L cleared his throat. "I suppose you've caught up on the case?" He addressed Watari.

"Yes, Misa just finished informing me." His caretaker confirmed.

"Good. Is Rem here as well?" He asked no one in particular, keeping his eyes fixed on some spot in the kitchen.

"Yes, she's in my bedroom." Misa answered quietly.

"Good." L cleared his throat again and then placed his thumb to his lip as he began. "Now that we all know about the existence of the death note, I think it would be best if this secret was kept among us. In the meantime, I think we should keep the note hidden and out of reach from anyone who might use it." He didn't say it, but they all knew he meant Misa.

"I will retrieve the briefcase for special files from my office." Watari said and L nodded.

"Yes, that will work." No one bothered to explain the briefcase to Naomi with L already moving on to the next topic. Misa supposed she may have been eavesdropping earlier or maybe she could just tell the former agent about it later. "I have scheduled a friendly meeting with the prime Kira suspect for tomorrow. We will be playing tennis. As I keep him distracted, I would like you two to go through his room and search for his death note." L said, directing his attention towards Naomi and Watari.

"What do you want me to do?" Misa asked.

"You will be coming to the university in your regular disguise. We won't be able to speak directly to each other, but I want to be able to see you at all times." L answered, looking down at his hands again. So what he really meant was that he would be keeping his eye on her the whole time and making sure she didn't put herself in danger again.

"What time is this tennis match occurring?" Naomi questioned.

"It'll be at two in the afternoon. Watari will tell you the address. The suspect's mother and sister should be out at that time as well."

"Well, sounds like a lot to get ready for. I'll just be going to get some equipment." Naomi said as she stood up and made her way towards the exit.

"I'll join you, if that's quite alright, Miss Misora." Watari said as he got to his feet as well.

"Of course, let's go!" Naomi took the elder man's arm and the two nearly ran out the door, leaving the couple alone in awkward silence. Rem too seemed to take a hint because Misa saw her flying by through the window.

Misa couldn't handle the tension any longer and leapt to her feet only to jump on L and throw her arms around his neck. The detective let his legs fall down just in time so that she landed in his lap. She buried her face in his shoulder and hugged him tightly as she cried out, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you and that I didn't tell you about the death note sooner and that I made the eye deal. I'm really sorry, L."

To her surprise, L returned her hug, holding her just as tightly to him. "Misa, I…" He didn't seem to know what to say though and shook his head. Instead, he tilted her head up to his and captured her lips in a slow kiss. He kissed her for a long while before finally releasing her.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" She whispered against his lips. L didn't answer, just kissed her again, and harder this time. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and kissed her long and hard until she was panting for air. Then he slid his hands under her thighs and hoisted her up as he got off the chair and she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her off to her bedroom.

They made out all the way to her bedroom until he softly placed her on her bed. He climbed on top of her, kissing slowly down her neck to her collarbone, pulling her tank top down to expose more skin.

"L…" She whimpered. He caught her lips once again as he began to undress her, first shoving down her skirt and tights. He released her only to remove her top and began fiddling with her bra. When he finally got it off, his hands cupped her breasts and gently massaged them.

"L-"

"No talking." He whispered, kissing her again. She didn't understand why he didn't want her to say anything, but she tried to ignore the worrying voice in her head and let herself just be in the moment. And it was a good moment, L pinched her nipples and made her squeak before trailing his lips down her body to suck on them. As he kissed and sucked every inch of her skin, his hand entered her panties and gently massaged the hood of her clitoris as he inserted two fingers inside of her.

The friction was good, but it wasn't enough, and Misa quickly started bucking up into his maddeningly slow and gentle touch. L didn't speed up his pace though, just continued to lazily finger her and drive her mad.

"L-"

"Shhh. No rushing." L shushed. He kissed his way back up to her lips, taking his time with it. Misa couldn't stand it, she wanted him to hurry up and fuck her, but the man didn't seem to be in any kind of rush, enjoying the gradual flow.

He continued to build things up slowly, finally inserting a third finger and rubbing her clit just the way she wanted him to, but he took his sweet time with it all. His eyes were scanning her face, taking everything in, and Misa felt self-conscious under the scrutiny. She liked teasing him and talking and laughing during sex, but this was all so much more intense, and too fucking slow.

Every time she rushed things by grinding into his hand faster, L would slow down. Every time she tried to say something, he cut her off with a kiss. It was driving her insane, but the way his lips continued to glide against her skin and the way he teased her towards the edge and left her dangling there without fulling falling over felt kind of nice.

When he removed his hand, he slowly peeled off his own clothes one by one and then placed himself at her entrance. She thought she'd finally be getting the wild passion she desperately desired, but once again L kept up his unhurried pace. He rocked into her in a slow and steady rhythm, kissing her all the while until she was sure her lips would be bruised. She tried bucking up into him again, but nothing would make the man go any faster. She threw her arms around his neck and held onto him tightly, digging her nails into his back just a bit as she whimpered.

"Misa," He groaned as his lips slipped down to her ear and sucked on the lobe. "Soon."

Slowly, so painstakingly slow, L started to increase his pace, fucking into her with long, hard thrusts. She was a moaning and whimpering mess beneath him, just wanting to finally fall over that edge into a blissful existence. L turned her face to his and watched her as his hips began to work against hers more frantically. They said nothing as they clung to each other, looking into each other's eyes as they approached that climax together.

And then finally, finally they were there. Misa threw her head back as she cried out, but L's eyes never left her face as he came deep inside her. As the aftershocks washed over her, she kissed his face desperately. "I love you." She whispered. "I love you."

L didn't say anything back, but he held onto her tighter and buried his head in her neck, and despite how wonderful everything just felt, she wondered if they weren't that okay after all.

.

L had left for a meeting with his task force, but returned later that night. Misa had wondered if he would continue the nightly visits after everything that happened, so when he showed up at the normal hour, she rushed in to hug him.

While he was away at work, Naomi had returned from gathering her needed equipment, and the two ladies talked about the man's earlier behavior. Naomi insisted that L was just afraid of losing her and still hurt by the eye deal, but there was no way he would break up with her over it. Misa on the other hand was completely stressed by her boyfriend's lack of communication and knew they'd need to have a talk when she saw him again. As the hours had gone by, Misa had convinced herself that L would never want to see her again, so she was a little more affectionate than usual when he came back to the apartment that night, or at least more comfortable with PDA than usual.

L did nothing to deter her advances and let her cling to him, kiss on him, and sit on his lap in front of the others as they continued to talk about their plans for the next day to ensure nothing would go wrong. When the others retired for the night, Misa practically dragged the detective into her bedroom, asking Rem for some space so the two could talk.

Once they were alone in her room, Misa got to the point immediately. "You're still upset with me."

"Yes."

"What can I do to make it better?" She whispered as she sat down beside him.

"I don't know."

"No, don't do that. I need you to talk to me, L. I need you to tell me about your feelings." She held his hand as she encouraged.

L took in a deep breath and looked away from her. "I'm scared. I'm scared that any moment with you could be the last."

"I'm sorry." She rested her head on his shoulder and gave his hand a squeeze. She wasn't sure what else she could say as Rem couldn't tell her what her new lifespan was. She honestly didn't really think about how much time she had left, but she assumed it was quite a bit with how long Shinigami lived. Even if she didn't have long, she was comfortable with living each day as if it could be the last, but she doubted that saying that would comfort L.

"Part of me wants to never see you again so I never have to watch you die." L confessed.

Misa swallowed thickly, it was tough to hear, but she was glad he was being honest with her. "And the other part?"

"The other part wants to spend every second of every day with you so we don't waste any time."

"I think I like the other part better." Misa said with a small smile. A large part of her wanted the two of them to run away right now, to hell with Kira. They could just go live on an island together out in the middle of the ocean, away from all the troubles of the world. L would never agree to that though.

"I wish I could piece together exactly when you are going to die so I can prepare for it." L sighed.

"But no one really knows exactly when they'll die."

"I know." L slowly turned his face back to hers and lifted her hand that he was still holding to his lips to plant a soft kiss.

Misa kissed him on the cheek before resting on his shoulder again. "I don't know what I can say to make any of this better, and I'm really sorry that I hurt you, but shouldn't we just enjoy these moments we have together now?"

"Yes." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and she let a genuine smile grace her lips. It wasn't the best it could be, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.

"I love you, L. So much." She said. And she really meant it, with all her heart. She wasn't sure she would ever love anyone again as much as she loved him.

"I… I really care about you, Misa. So much." He whispered. And though he didn't say it out loud and she wasn't sure when, if ever, he'd be ready to say it, she knew deep down he loved her too. She realized it the moment he broke the other night, and she knew he didn't have to say it for her to feel it. And in that moment, just holding hands on her bed in the quiet night, she felt it more than ever before.

.

April 7, 2004

Misa joined the crowd gathering around the tennis court, keeping herself slightly hidden behind her 'classmates.' She knew L would want to be able to spot her, but she shouldn't make herself too obvious for Light to see. The two had already agreed that if Light were to spot her and approach her, she should deny anything from the other day and completely ignore L. Still, it wasn't a bad idea for Kyoko, Light's supposed fan, to watch him play tennis. She just couldn't acknowledge L in any way or else Light might catch on that the two know each other.

If Light were to approach her, she'd just pretend she found a tutor and really was only looking for someone to share classroom notes with. She wouldn't make any mention of the eyes again and she already had Rem hiding behind a building just a ways off. Hopefully, Light wouldn't notice her at all and would just be distracted by the intensity of the tennis match. In the worst-case scenario, Misa knew Rem would kill Light immediately if he made any threat against her life. Still, Misa didn't want the Shinigami to make that kind of move for her, she liked having Rem around.

In all honesty, Misa wasn't a fan of sports. She never really bothered to watch them before and never learned any of the rules. She knew that her dad had been a bit of a tennis fan and even used to play with his buddies every now and then, but her family didn't care much for any other sports. On a couple of occasions, Misa had tried to sit down and watch the game with her father, but she often found it too boring and left.

However, watching it up close and in person was an entirely different experience. Unlike watching it on the tv, she could feel the intensity watching L face off against Light. The fact that the two were so talented made it all the more interesting. Misa really couldn't tell who was going to win the game, and with what little understanding of it that she had, it seemed they were tied.

Neither L nor Light spoke in between matches, their entire focus just on the ball and winning the game. It felt almost like she was watching a duel between the two. While normal people played the game with a carefree spirit, L and Light seemed to be analyzing each other's every move. She wasn't surprised to see that L was so competitive, but she had expected Light to throw the game in some attempt to lessen the suspicion placed on him. However, it seemed like the teen was putting his all into it, just as determined to win as L was.

The crowd of students around her kept cheering on one or the other, some even breaking out into arguments and betting on who would win. While Misa outwardly cheered for Light with the other girls, on the inside she was cheering for L and hoping he would win. Another secret part of her was also thinking about how hot the guys looked facing off against each other and sweating as they put all their energy into the game. Even still just in his normal white shirt and jeans, L looked insanely attractive to her in his competitive mode.

With a final powerful swing, L knocked the ball across the court too fast for Light to catch it, winning the game. All of the male students watching cheered as the female students sulked over the victory. Misa tried to pout alongside the others, but she was so excited over L's big win. She wanted to drag him off for victory sex.

In all of the excitement, Misa hadn't even noticed that something had changed with Light's appearance. She didn't notice it at all until after he shook hands with L and went back to his bag to grab a water bottle. As he got his things, he had suddenly approached her, a friendly smile on his face.

"Sato Kyoko, right?"

"Oh, yep! That's me! Hi Light! Good game!" She cheered, but paused as she noticed something off about the glowing red letters above his head.

"I'm sorry I was in a bit of a rush the other day, and honestly a bit stressed out, but if you still need a tutor, I think I could make some time." The teen offered.

Misa nodded her head slowly, but then remembered what she was supposed to say in this situation, and stumbled through the words, "Oh, right, I've already got a tutor, actually. But thank you for the offer!"

The red letters above his head. She couldn't just see his name, but also a lifespan. He wasn't supposed to have a lifespan if he was Kira, but right now as he stood before her, there was a lifespan over his head. Why was there a lifespan? Had she been wrong before? Had she just not noticed it in the crowd? But didn't Rem say she saw Ryuk that day? Oh God, Misa almost wrote his name in the death note…

"Kyoko, are you okay? You look really pale." Light said as he reached into his bag for another water bottle. "Maybe you should drink some water."

"Th-that's alright, I just need to-" Misa backed away slowly, but the stress was making her vision spin, and before she knew it, she was falling over.

"Kyoko!"

The last thing Misa heard was Light shouting as her vision went black.

.

.

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Author's Note: A bit of a shorter chapter, but the next one should be longer.

I'm headed into finals soon, so my update schedule might be a little bit different for awhile. I'll try to update when I can, but my main focus will be on my finals and my papers. I'll be done by December 15th, so I'll probably update more over the holidays.

I've made some changes to my outline, but I'm still thinking that the story will be around 30 chapters with an epilogue.

Thank you as always for reading!