I don't own Sailor Moon, nor did I create it. Naoko Takeuchi created Sailor Moon, this is just my alternate universe version, a sort of "If I created Sailor Moon" story...
Note: Any dialogue written like this, unless another language is specified, is in Japanese. Furthermore, any dialogue in Japanese will use Japanese naming convention, which puts family(last) name first, followed by given name.
CHAPTER 13: FINAL BATTLE
NOVEMBER 30, 1986
Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Venus teleported themselves to the Arctic Circle. "Damn it's cold," Sailor Mercury said.
"You can say that again," Sailor Moon said. "If John were here, he'd say he was freezing his balls off."
"Either that," Sailor Mars said, "Or he would say it was colder than a witch's tit."
"Speaking of tits," Sailor Jupiter said, "I'm freezing my tits off."
"If Luna and Artemis knew we were going to the bloody North Pole," Sailor Venus said, "the least they could do would be to give us some winter costumes."
"If you girls are cold," Sailor Mars said, "why don't you say so?"
"I feel much better," Sailor Moon said. "What did you do, anyways?"
"I surrounded us by fire," Sailor Mars said. "Don't worry, it's harmless, it's just there to keep us warm."
"Anyways," Sailor Moon said, pointing to a cave about a third of a mile in the distance, "according to the map, that cave is where we're going."
"What are we standing around her yapping for, then?" Sailor Mercury asked. "Let's get going.
A few minutes later, they found themselves at the entrance of the cave. "This is it," Sailor Moon said, as they entered the cave. When they entered, they noticed the temperature was quite comfortable, so Sailor Mars removed the fire that surrounded them. They walked about 100 yards, and came to a split, with 3 passages. "According to the map, we take the passage to the left," Sailor Moon said.
They took the passage to the left, and about 200 meters in, they encountered John McCoy, who was sitting on the ground, with a deck of playing cards, playing solitaire. "I was wondering when you girls would show up," John said.
"What are you doing here?" Sailor Moon asked, as each of the girls hugged him.
"I got tired of watching The New Gidget," John said. "Now don't get me wrong, I do kind of have a crush on Caryn Richman, she is kind of hot for an older woman, but there's just so much of her I can take in one dose, and I think the guy who played Greg on The Brady Bunch would have made a better Moondoggie than Almanzo from Little House on the Prairie. But seriously, who knew that peanut butter chocolate ice cream had the same effect on me as spinach had on Popeye, because I sure didn't. Now give me a second to get into character, and let's go kick some ass."
John tossed a couple smoke pellets at his feet, and was quickly surrounded by gold smoke. When it disappeared, he had transformed to Golden Hawk. "You think we can, you know, like, get going, or something?" Sailor Moon asked.
"By all means," Golden Hawk said. "I can't wait to give this Metalia character a beating even worse than the one Mike Tyson gave Trevor Berbick last weekend."
"You mind being serious?" Sailor Moon asked. "Quit being such a fucking smartass."
"I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass," Golden Hawk said. "Besides, I can't help being a smartass sometimes."
"Whatever," Sailor Moon said.
They walked through the cave, following the map, and soon found themselves in a large chamber that looks like something out of a low budget science fiction movie. "As the spider said to the fly," Metalia said, "welcome to my parlor."
"Let me guess," Golden Hawk said, "this is the part where you tell us we won't leave here alive."
"I'll take pleasure in killing you first," Metalia said, firing a laser from one of the wall-mounted blasters at Golden Hawk, who easily dodged it.
"What kind of weak shit was that?" Golden Hawk asked. "You're supposed to be this big, bad cosmic baddie, you attack me with just one fucking blaster?"
"I hope this is a bit more to your satisfaction," Metalia said, as all the blasters in the room fired on Golden Hawk, who unsheathed his staff, transformed it into a laser sword, which he used to deflect every blaster bolt, sending each bolt back to the blaster it came from, quickly destroying every blaster.
"Got anything else?" Golden Hawk asked.
"Are you always this insufferable?" Metalia asked.
"He can be a bit annoying at times," Sailor Moon said, "but we keep him around because he's good in a fight."
Sailor Mercury pressed her left earring, and a blue tinted visor appeared over her eyes. "Metalia's not in this room," She said, after a quick scan.
"Well," Golden Hawk said, "let's go to where she is."
"The exit's over that way," Sailor Mercury said, pointing to a large door.
"Let's go, then," Sailor Moon said.
They went to the door, and to nobody's surprise, it wouldn't open. "Great," Sailor Mars said. "How are we going to get out of here?"
"Mind if I borrow your visor?" Golden Hawk asked Sailor Mercury, as he removed the cover to the door controls.
"I don't know what you need it for," Sailor Mercury said, removing her visor and handing it to Golden Hawk, who had removed his mask, and transformed his staff from a laser sword to a pair of wire cutters, "but sure."
Golden Hawk looked at the wires behind the door controls, and after a minute, cut two wires, stripped them, and touched the bare parts together. "Open sesame," he said, as the door opened.
"What was that?" Sailor Jupiter asked.
"Taking a page from Han Solo," Golden Hawk said, handing Sailor Mercury her mask back. "I hotwired the door. As for Mercury's visor, I figured it wasn't just for looks, I figured it would help tell me which wires I had to cut. Anyways, let's not just sit here yapping, let's go destroy Metalia so we can go home."
The team then found themselves in another room, this one looked like the tournament grounds from Enter the Dragon. "Alright," Golden Hawk said, "I want you girls on those pretty pedicured toes of yours."
"Uh, I don't paint my toenails," Sailor Jupiter said.
"Neither do I," Sailor Mars said.
"It's just a saying," Golden Hawk said. "Anyways, I don't put anything past this Metalia character. Be ready for anything."
"You mean like Bruce Lee's evil twin over there?" Sailor Mars asked, as something that could best be described as a villain from a martial arts themed anime entered the chamber.
"I got this guy," Golden Hawk said, engaging the martial arts villain in hand to hand combat. "Go on, I'll catch up with you."
"Whatever you say," Sailor Moon said, as she and the other Sailor Soldiers went ahead, finding themselves in another chamber, this one having the appearance of how Hell would be depicted in a Warner Brothers cartoon.
"This place looks like my element," Sailor Mars said.
"Your element?" Sailor Moon asked.
"You might have noticed my attacks are flame based?" Sailor Mars said, as a flame demon entered the chamber.
"I'm guessing you want to take this thing on," Sailor Mercury said.
"Of course," Sailor Mars said, cracking her knuckles. "Haven't you ever heard of fighting fire with fire?"
As Sailor Mars engaged the flame demon, the rest of the team went forward. They soon found themselves in a chamber that resembled the seashore. "I think this is my battleground," Sailor Mercury said, as something that could best be described as the love child of a mermaid and the Creature from the Black Lagoon emerged from the water.
"You got this?" Sailor Moon asked.
"Of course," Sailor Mercury said.
The next chamber they found themselves in resembled a power plant. "Looks like something right up my alley," Sailor Jupiter said, as a lightning monster was formed from a couple generators.
Next, they found themselves in a garden. Grass greener than they had ever seen, flowers more colorful than they could imagine. "This is the most beautiful place I have ever seen," Sailor Venus said. "I'm guessing this is my fight."
"I think so too," Sailor Moon said, as a plant monster entered the garden. "You got this?"
"Sure," Sailor Venus said.
While Sailor Moon searched for Metalia, her teammates were busy fighting their own foes. The first to fall to her enemy was Sailor Mars. The fire demon she fought was a much more formidable foe than she anticipated. However, she was able to hold her own, to an extent. However, the flame demon was a much more experienced fighter, and was able to turn the tide in its favor. However, it didn't count on one thing: Rae Hino wasn't afraid to fight dirty when the chips were down. "Mars, Flame Sniper!" she said, forming a bow of fire, and shooting a flaming arrow at the demon, at crotch level. The demon doubled over in pain, much like the time Rae remembered kicking a boy in the balls for trying to cut her hair off. "That answers that question," Sailor Mars said to herself. "Mars Flaming Punch!" she said, throwing haymakers at the demon with both hands, each punch sending a ball of flame at it. She didn't give the demon a chance to get up, and kept throwing flaming punches at it. She then got behind the demon, and put it in a full nelson. "I am the Pretty Soldier of Love and Passion," she said. "I am Sailor Mars, and in the name of Mars, I'll immolate you!"
"I doubt you would," the demon said. "Seeing as you'll burn as well."
"Like I give a flying fuck," Sailor Mars said. "Just as long as you're dead. Mars Purification Flame!"
When those words left Sailor Mars's lips, both she and the flame demon were surrounded by a wall of flame, reducing the both of them to ashes.
While trying to find Metalia, Sailor Moon felt Sailor Mars's death. "Rae," she said, a tear running down her cheek.
"Motherfucker learned the hard way," Rae Hino said, "you play with fire, you will get burned."
Meanwhile, Sailor Mercury was facing her foe. "I am the Pretty Soldier of Love and Intelligence," she said. "I am Sailor Mercury, and in the name of Mercury, douse yourself in water and repent!"
"Tough words from someone as weak as you," the creature said.
"You'll find out just how weak I am," Sailor Mercury said. "Mercury Hailstone Barrage!" When she said that, the creature was attacked with a barrage of hailstones.
"Is that all you got?" the creature asked, materializing a trident in its hand.
"Fuck no!" Sailor Mercury said. "Mercury Ice Spear!" She threw her spear, while the creature threw its trident. While the creature avoided the spear, Sailor Mercury grabbed the trident in midair. Rushing the demon, she managed to stab it through the throat, while the demon shot a harpoon which pierced Sailor Mercury's heart, both attacks proved fatal for their intended targets.
Sailor Moon felt Sailor Mercury's death. "Ami," she said.
Don't let my death be in vain, Ami Mizuno said.
Meanwhile, Sailor Jupiter and her lightning monster were engaged in combat, using various lightning based attacks. "So who are you exactly?" the monster asked.
"I am the Pretty Soldier of Love and Courage," Sailor Jupiter said. "I am Sailor Jupiter, and in the name of Jupiter, I'll leave you so full of regret, it'll make you numb!"
After several attacks, Sailor Jupiter realized she was getting nowhere. "Don't you get it?" the monster asked. "I'm made of pure energy. All your lightning is doing is feeding me."
"In that case," Sailor Jupiter said, "time for a little case of indigestion! Ride the Lightning!" The lightning rod on her tiara extended to its full height of 6 inches, and it was struck by a very powerful lightning bolt, which she channeled through her hands, firing a steady stream of lightning at the monster. The monster at first felt stronger, as the lightning was nourishing it. However, once it became "full", it realized Sailor Jupiter wasn't letting up. She had every intention on overloading it until it was destroyed. After a few minutes, the monster reached its limit, and short circuited, and was quickly destroyed. "Hooray for our side," Sailor Jupiter said, falling to her knees. She had been weakened by the hits she took in battle, and the sheer amount of electricity required to short circuit and destroy her foe was more than her body could take, and she slumped forward, dead.
"Koto," Sailor Moon said, feeling the death of Sailor Jupiter.
"At least I took that thing down with me," Makoto Kino said.
"I am the Pretty Soldier of Love and Beauty," Sailor Venus said to the plant creature she was fighting. "I am Sailor Venus, and in the name of Venus, I'll castigate you with love!"
"You talk a good game," the plant creature said, "but can you back it up?"
"You're about to find out," Sailor Venus said, materializing a chain with gold links shaped like hearts ."Venus Love-Me Chain!" She slung the chain like a whip at the plant creature. The creature grabbed the chain, and sent energy through it that turned the chain from gold to green and back again, before the chain disappeared from where it came. "Venus Crescent Boomerang!" she said, slinging a crescent shaped beam of energy at the creature, hitting it in the face. As the energy hit its target, Sailor Venus's head whipped back, as if she had just been on the receiving end of a Mike Tyson knockout punch.
"Something I forgot to mention," the creature said. "I used your chain to link us together. Any attack you do on me, you'll feel as well."
"Let's just see if our new bond works both ways," Sailor Venus said, clasping both hands, with index fingers extended, kissed the tips of her extended fingers, and pointed them between her eyes. "Venus Crescent Beam!" she said, firing a blast of energy, that literally blew her brains out, killing her instantly. Her gambit worked as expected, as the back of the plant creature's head exploded, as if it were the exit wound of a very powerful bullet, and the plant creature fell forward, dead as dead got.
"Mina," Sailor Moon said.
"Just remember that good will always triumph over evil," Mina Aino said, "because evil is stupid."
Meanwhile, Sailor Moon entered a chamber that looked like something out of the movie TRON. In that chamber, she finally encountered Metalia. In the center of the chamber, stood a 50' high column of blue energy, which tapered off on the bottom to a cone, the point of said cone balanced on the point of a smaller cone, which resembled the Master Control Program from that same movie, the only difference is Metalia had a red 4 pointed star between her eyes. "You," Metalia said. "The one they call Sailor Moon. You made it. If I thought any of you would make it this far, it would be you. Unfortunately, only one of us will leave this chamber alive."
"And if I have anything to say about it," Sailor Moon said, "it won't be you."
"Overconfidence," Metalia said. "How quaint."
"I ain't dead yet," Sailor Moon said, removing her tiara. "Moon Tiara, Boomerang!" she said, throwing her boomerang where the points of the two cones met. The tiara harmlessly bounced off, and landed on the other side of the chamber.
"You have some fight to you," Metalia said. "I prefer my victims to fight back, I shall enjoy killing you."
"Not if I can help it," Sailor Moon said, as Metalia fired several bolts of energy at her, which she dodged. As she dodged, she remembered the Moon Staff. She materialized the Moon Staff, firing several bolts of crescent moon shaped energy where the points of the two cones met, which harmlessly bounced off.
"What the bloody blue blazes are you doing?" Sailor Moon could hear Mina Aino's voice in her head.
"Mina?" Sailor Moon said telepathically. "I thought you were dead.
"I am dead," Mina said. "All of us are. Except, I suppose, for John. He either wound up someplace different from the rest of us, or, hopefully, he's still alive. But the fact is, even though we're dead, Ami, Rae, Koto, and I are still with you. But I still have to ask you one question. What the bloody hell are you doing?"
"Trying to destroy Metalia," Sailor Moon said.
"By attacking her there?" Mina asked.
"Why not?" Sailor Moon replied. "It worked in TRON. That was the bad guy's weak spot."
"This isn't a bloody movie!" Mina said. "This is real life. You have the right idea, look for a weak spot, but where you're attacking isn't it. Listen, I have the other girls with me, but for some reason, I'm the only one who can talk to you. Ami found Metalia's weak spot, it's the star between her eyes."
"Got it," Sailor Moon said. Unfortunately, before she could get a shot off, a bunch of demons entered the chamber. Sailor Moon fired a couple shots, taking out one of the demons. Each of the demons had the ability to fire balls of energy from their hands, which many of them did. Sailor Moon was able to avoid them, and occasionally firing her Moon Staff, taking out the occasional demon. While she was fighting the demons, Metalia was also taking shots at her, which she either evaded, or blocked with her Moon Staff.
"I must admit," Metalia said, "I didn't expect you to last as long as you have. You have what you Earthlings call pluck. Once I kill you, I may allow you to have a proper burial."
"I'm not going to need a proper burial," Sailor Moon said. "Because I ain't the one dying here."
"Like I said," Metalia said. "You have pluck. I almost hate to kill you."
Sailor Moon and Metalia were playing a game of cat and mouse. Every time she tried to get a shot off at Metalia, a demon tried to attack her, and she had to destroy it. Finally, there were only two demons left. They were closing in on Sailor Moon, and both going in for the kill. Suddenly, both demons were destroyed by bolts of energy that came from nowhere. "You're all clear, kid!" Golden Hawk said, as Sailor Moon turned around in time to see him enter the chamber and sheath his tonfas. "Now let's kill this bitch and go home!"
Sailor Moon aimed her Moon Staff at the star between Metalia's eyes. "Moon Ultimate Halation!" she said, firing a beam of pure white energy at Metalia.
"No!" Metalia said, once she realized what was happening, what Sailor Moon was about to do.
"I told you I wasn't getting killed today," Sailor Moon said, as she kept firing energy at Metalia.
"Know this, Sailor Moon," Metalia said, as she reached the point of no return, "You have done the impossible. You have destroyed me..."
Sailor Moon and Golden Hawk instinctively hit the deck as Metalia was destroyed. As the chamber was buffeted by energy waves from Metalia's destruction, Golden Hawk unsheathed his staff, and turned it into a shield generator, protecting himself and Sailor Moon with a shield. Once it was safe, the two of them got up. "We did it!" Golden Hawk said, as he and Sailor Moon met in an embrace. "Actually, you did it, I just made like Han Solo at the end of Star Wars, and saved your cute little ass at the last second."
"We saved the world," Sailor Moon said.
"I thought you would be a little happier about saving the world," Golden Hawk said.
"Ami, Rae, Koto, and Mina," Sailor Moon said. "None of them made it. They all died in battle. How did you survive, anyways?"
"It's kind of like this," Golden Hawk said, as he described his battle with an evil Martial Arts master.
Back during the battle, Golden Hawk was busy with his opponent. The two of them had engaged in hand to hand combat, no quarter asked, no quarter given. The two of them were as evenly matched as any two opponents could be. "You know what your problem is?" Golden Hawk asked, after about half an hour of combat.
"What is my problem?" his opponent asked.
"You're too formal," Golden Hawk said. "Too rigid, too much a slave to form. You need to fight a little looser, maybe try improvising a little, and one other thing."
"What's that?" his opponent asked.
"Fight dirty," Golden Hawk said, picking up a handful of dirt, and throwing it into his opponent's face, blinding him. When his opponent was blinded, he used his speed to attack his opponent. After a couple minutes of fighting, Golden Hawk had his opponent on the ropes, and went in for the coup de gras. He kicked his opponent in the stomach, doubling him over. As his opponent was doubled over, Golden Hawk grabbed him in a front headlock, and fell backwards, driving his opponent's head into the ground, a move called the DDT that he had seen while watching the World Wrestling Federation. As his opponent's head hit the ground, Golden Hawk could hear his neck snapping. As Golden Hawk got up, he felt his opponent's neck for a pulse, and found none.
"Once I defeated Bruce Lee's evil twin," Golden Hawk said, "I zeroed in on you, and teleported to this chamber. I got there just in time to see the last two of Metalia's demon henchmen moving in for the kill, so I went Han Solo, killed the last two demons, giving you a clear shot to fire your proton torpedoes into the exhaust port, so to speak."
"And I couldn't have done it without you," Sailor Moon said. "I just wish the other girls were here to share in the celebration."
"I have heard your wish, and it has been approved," said a disembodied voice that filled the chamber. The voice was female, and sounded very kindly, and Sailor Moon thought it sounded kind of familiar, as if it were the voice of her own mother. "Ami Mizuno, Rae Hino, Makoto Kino, and Mina Aino will be restored to life."
"Thank you," Sailor Moon said.
"Thank you from me as well," Golden Hawk said. "But not to sound unappreciative, but who are you?"
"You may think of me as a friend," the voice said, as Ami, Rae, Makoto, and Mina entered the chamber, accompanied by Luna and Artemis. "My name is Queen Serenity. I am the one who gave the Sailor Soldiers their powers."
"What about Golden Hawk?" Makoto asked. "Did you give him his powers as well?"
"No," Queen Serenity said, as she, or, more precicely, her ghostly form, entered the chamber. She was wearing a strapless white gown, similar to a wedding dress, with skirt hemmed just above the ankles. Her fingernails were done in a French manicure, while her toenails were painted pale pink. "While John McCoy has been a valuable member of the team, his presence on the team was serendipity. I have looked into his heart, and I can assure you he is a true friend who would gladly lay down his own life for any of you."
"What say we get out of here," Golden Hawk said. "I'm missing Gidget."
"That's only on Tuesday nights," Rae said.
"I'm not talking about the new show, where she's married to Moondoggie and working as a travel agent," Golden Hawk said. "I'm talking about the show with Sally Field."
"What is it with you and Gidget today?" Sailor Mars asked.
"I like her," Golden Hawk said. "I really, really like her."
"You can be an insufferable ass sometimes," Sailor Moon said. "But we still love you."
"But seriously," Golden Hawk said, "We do need to get out of here. After all, we are at the North Pole, I don't really feel like freezing my balls off any more than necessary. I vote we meet at Rae's fallout shelter for debriefing."
"Sounds good to me," Sailor Moon said.
"Mind if I join you?" Queen Serenity asked.
"Sure," Sailor Mars said.
À Suivre...