NB: the following two chapters are unbetaed yet, you've been warned ;)
The setting sun peered curiously into the gloomy private chambers of the Head of Slytherin. The approaching twilight brought the November dampness, the Black Lake was covered with fog, creeping from the moorland, adding more darkness to the autumn gloom.
The room was warm, a fireplace was burning, candles made the chambers cozier, tea was cooling on the table. Snape felt cold. Narcissa, sitting opposite him, looked thoughtfully at her friend, but so far did not comment on his strange story, which he had brought down on her forty minutes ago.
"I don't know Narssie, I practically lost her and again through my own fault," Snape said after some silence.
"I still cannot believe that you decided to take such a step."
"You consider me a hero, but is it truly so?" Snape shook his head.
"You're trying to correct your mistakes, Sev, and it's worth something," Narcissa objected, pouring more tea into their cups.
"I dare to disagree with you. I look at Lupin - one of my worst enemies - and realize how hopeless my entire situation is. He lives his life further, he raises his son, he does his work, while I only make everything worse. Who knows, Narssie, maybe she died just because I loved her? Or thought I loved."
"Severus, stop talking nonsense."
"No, no, Narcissa. Look, I defied all the rules for my own ambition, as always. I left you behind, you and Lucius, I left Poppy to the mercy of fate, I intervened in the fate of the Weasley, and all for the sake of living another meaningless year, hoping that everything will be resolved by the end and I'll manage to save my own wife."
"Severus..."
"Don't, Narssie. I almost lost her. I cannot lose her one more time. I don't know, maybe I'm only making everything worse? Maybe I should have let her live as she pleases?"
"And move on yourself? Could you, like Lupin, forget everything and live on, not giving a damn about your losses? Could you prepare a curriculum for your dunderheaded students, write and rewrite the same theses that no one needs, drink beer with Remus on Fridays, and periodically visit Lucius and me? You had loved that one woman that had never been yours for almost two decades until fate unexpectedly brought you and Hermione together, tell me, Severus, could you let go of your own wife?"
Severus was silent for a long time. Twilight deepened in the room, thoughts heavily settled on his heart.
"I'm scared, Narcissa."
"That's because you are human, sweet darling, although you constantly forget about it. Let yourself be yourself, Severus, and you will see how things change. Ask yourself, did she know the real you? Did you know her? Get to know yourself. Let yourself get to know the woman you love."
Severus lowered his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm so confused about everything, Narcissa. She is here again, alive and smiling, and I can't even talk to her, so as not to inadvertently give myself away. My pointless outburst of jealousy cost her a panic attack, and it's all because I lost control when I saw her flirting with Remus. On the other hand, she is the godmother of his child, what's the big deal?"
"You had every right to be jealous, Severus, you had every right to defend what's yours. You never had anything of your own. Remember how you spent your whole life trying to find your place in the sun."
"Remind me as well how many mistakes I made in the process."
"Severus, you are a living person, and people tend to make mistakes."
"But not as big as mine were!" Snape hoisted, jumping to his feet. Narcissa only raised an eyebrow in condescension.
"Sit down and listen to me. You are doing everything right. There was nothing worthwhile in your life other than a constant feeling of remorse. But you didn't give up, you kept going forward. You have dedicated your life to serving other people's senseless ideas, you allowed them all to meddle with your life, you..."
"Narssie, that's enough. I might as well cry now over your pathetic words. You needlessly consider me a hero, sometimes it seems to me that I'm just an idiot."
"Severus, I've known you since the age of thirteen, and much of what happened to you, I'm also to blame. It was I who once introduced you to Lucius, and we pulled you into the circle of the Death Eaters, I took the Unbreakable Vow from you, because of us you almost died."
"Are we having an evening of remorse? Or are you, after all, going to admit that I am an idiot, and leave for the night?"
"Be quiet, Severus, you know perfectly well what I mean. I repeat: you had nothing but the desire to find your place in life, so you cannot let Hermione go. You could not completely abandon the Headmaster's powers. For the first time in your life, you had something of your own, even if it was fleeting and you got it as a result of a tragedy."
Severus stared at Narcissa with wide eyes. She was one of the few who still understood the intricacies of Snape's life drama much more than he did.
"Don't look at me like that, deep down you know that I'm right."
"I… I don't know, Narcissa. I don't even know why I told you everything."
"Because I'm your friend, whether you like it or not, because we've been through too much to stay away, and simply because you're human too, and I won't tire of reminding you of this until you understand."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"For starters, go and lecture Longbottom, I know you want to. Then go to the staff room and throw a huge scandal there regarding Hermione's future position, tell them that she is not qualified for an apprenticeship, she is irresponsible and so on, you still have to stay in the role, otherwise, she will marry Lupin."
"Merlin forbid!"
"Now, I see how you gradually become yourself, my friend."
"You are a terrible woman, Narcissa Malfoy."
"Of course, and that's why I'm your best friend."
Severus followed Narcissa's advice, tracked down Neville in the greenhouses, and attacked him with an accusatory speech.
"Mr. Longbottom, your passion for herbological experiments nearly cost Miss Granger her health! You are neglecting basic safety rules. What if children wandered into the greenhouses?"
Snape kept talking and talking, while Neville was doing magic over snowdrops, hardly paying attention to the accusations of his former teacher.
"Mr. Longbottom, if you please, listen when I am speaking to you."
"Professor Snape, with all due respect, but you have no right to accuse me of neglecting safety precautions: the greenhouses are enchanted against the intrusion, and I'm still wondering how you and Hermione got inside."
Snape knew perfectly well how he got into the greenhouses: the Castle let him in, obeying the direct order of the Headmaster, but there was Hermione... Was it Peeves who let her it? It seemed that fate itself had arranged this meeting in order to show Severus his mistake and force him to repent. Thinking so, Snape left the greenhouses, leaving Neville to stare after him in surprise. Wow, the formidable professor did not even assign him detention or some other punishment. Times have really changed.
And in the staff room, as Narcissa had foreseen, Minerva looked around everyone present with a stern look and asked for a moment of their attention.
"I bring to your attention that our best graduate, Miss Hermione Granger, begins her apprenticeship under the leadership of Remus on Monday, please provide her with all possible assistance if such a need arises. Also, Severus, a separate request for you: Hermione will study forbidden potions, so I gave her three nights a week so that she can practice in your laboratory."
"Absolutely not! My lab is not for kids to play Potions Master."
"Severus, Hermione is the best graduate in her class!"
"She was not best in my subject and, as far as I remember, also in Defense. The laboratory and the ingredients are my private property, Headmistress, and it's up to me to decide whom to admit to them."
"In that case, Hermione will spend three nights a week under your supervision" Minerva crossed her arms over her chest, hinting that the conversation was over.
Snape stood up defiantly from his seat and walked out of the staff room with a dramatic billow of his robes.
He just needed to find out Hermione's general knowledge of Potions in order to understand who had come up with that terrible potion for depression.
Snape patrolled the School corridors as usual on Sunday evening, finding no more interesting activity. He wanted to catch Peeves and have a heart-to-heart with him, but he was unexpectedly found by Crookshanks.
Severus had lost the habit of the company of the cat, so he quarreled with him in an undertone, trying to send him his way, as Hermione blocked their way.
"Good evening, Professor Snape. Is Crooks bothering you?"
"Good evening, Miss Granger. On the contrary, cats are sometimes much nicer than many people."
"I wanted to apologize for the inconvenience. Professor McGonagall said that I will study potions under your guidance," Hermione stammered, shifting from foot to foot.
"Your house has always been a nuisance, Miss Granger, I'm used to it."
"I had a feeling that we agreed not to raise the topic of inter-faculty strife anymore."
"Obviously, and just after our conversation you went to the greenhouses and rushed into trouble in such a Gryffindor fashion."
"Thank you for saving my life. I dare not waste your time any longer," Hermione rapped out. "Come on, Crooks, we are leaving."
But the ginger traitor lifted his tail high and followed Snape.
"Miss Granger?"
"Yes, Professor?"
"Your wand."
The moment their fingers touched on the shaft, a sheaf of greenish sparks burst from the wand and showered the pair.
"What is your wand core, Miss Granger?"
"Dragon Heartstring. My old wand was destroyed by Bellatrix."
"The bitch got off too easy," Snape muttered under his breath, but Hermione heard him and for a long time looked after his tall, receding figure and her ginger cat, who had chosen Snape as his companion for the evening.