Few days had passed since Maggie was suspended; all she did now was stay home and cry. She had gone to Boston to meet her potential new colleagues, she had liked them but she still wasn't sure if she wanted to accept the project. She had also managed to see her dad but couldn't bring herself to tell him all what was happening. She walked down the stairs after hearing the noise of a coffee machine and saw Robert pouring himself a cup already dressed about to head out.
"Morning" she said
"Morning, did I wake you?" Robert asked looking at her
"Nah, I was up already" she said taking a seat by the dining table "couldn't sleep"
"How you feeling?" Robert asked placing a cup of his coffee on the table. He then went and made Maggie a cup of chamomile tea "here, take this" placing the cup in front of her
"Thank you" Maggie said forcing a smile on her face"how do you know chamomile tea?"
"It helped me when I couldn't sleep at some point in my life"
"Oh, why couldn't you sleep?"
"It was during the time of my wife`s passing" he said taking a seat a little further from her
"I am sorry about that" Maggie said looking at him with kind eyes
"It`s okay" he let out a little smile "how are you feeling though?"
"I am okay I guess, but who am I kidding, it`s a matter of time before I am a nobody" she then went on to take a sip of her tea
"That's not true; you still are a surgeon with a ground breaking research about to take on this big project, I would say things could be worse"
"True and thanks for the vote of confidence but that won`t be true for long and the worst part is I can`t talk to anyone without feeling like I let them down" she rubbed her temples a little and let out a groan
"Try me, I am actually a pretty good listener and I am definitely not on the list of people you would care about disappointing" he said making Maggie to form a little smile at the corner of her mouth.
"I know that things are bad at work because I can see it in Mer`s eyes even though she won`t say it" Robert looked away without saying anything as if he was confirming her suspicions "Steve called me when I was in Boston saying I might need to get someone for the research because they are investigating him for his visa. Apparently he could be charged with practising unlawfully and lose all the work so it`s a matter of time before another shoe drops and I highly doubt they would still want me in that project if they hear that I got fired. So let`s see, I could lose my job, my research could be taken away by some doctors in Yemen and the chances of still getting 3D hearts after all that would be none, zip, zero" she nonchalantly continued taking a sip of her tea again and said "this tea is so good, now I get why my sister is obsessed with your cooking" trying to lighten the situation.
"Well, I know my way around the kitchen and we can`t say the same for your sister now can we?" Robert said letting out a little laugh "have you at least talked to Jackson about any of this?"
"No, I mean how do I even look him in the eye, I can`t even look at myself, I feel like I have failed and trust me when I say this is all knew to me because I don`t fail ever, failing isn't in my DNA" she said now turned looking at Robert who just nodded his head.
"I think you are being too hard on yourself, we all fail at some point because if we don`t we will never learn" he leaned back with his hands at the back of his head.
"I don`t think you understand, I never fail at all, like never. His career is thriving now, he is a Catherine Fox Award nominated surgeon, why would he want a woman without a career or a job and besides it`s not like we are together anyway" she said turning away from Robert drinking her tea
"Please stop saying you two are not together, yes things might be complicated but it`s not like it`s over, over. Tell me this if Jackson lost it all, if suddenly anything happened and he couldn't be a surgeon would you leave him because of that?" he asked now leaning towards the table looking at Maggie
"Of course not" she shot him with a how dare you say that look
"Then why do you think so lowly of him, why do you think he won`t want you if you lost it all?"
"I don`t know, I guess that`s the only thing that`s appealing about me, being a genius and without that I feel like I am nothing and it makes me think that no one would or should want me" she said moving away from her seat adding hot water in her cup
"Maggie, I don`t know if I am allowed to say this but I feel like you are my little sister already so I will go ahead and say it, you are more than just your career, or your job, yes you are smart, you are a genius but you are also beautiful, kind, caring, compassionate, supportive and hell your nieces and nephews would kill for you. You need to start thinking of yourself outside your career sometimes; you would be surprised at what you are capable of" Maggie said nothing looking at him as she took her seat again "want to know what I think?" Robert continued. He wasn't sure if he had crossed the line and Maggie not saying anything made him to pause a little.
"What do you think?" she slightly gave him a nod encouraging him to say what was on his mind
"I understand that you love your work and there is nothing wrong with that, I just want you to know that there is more to life than just a career. I think you should go to Israel though, see what they are about, maybe you won`t even like it but if you happen to like it then you tell them everything before it all falls apart as you say. Explain to them and then hear what they have to say, from what I understand, sounds to me like you got an upper hand because I hear these people want you so you got to use that and if they don`t want you anymore, who cares it would be their loss, they wouldn't get a better replacement. I know it sounds like a dream but Mer tells me you haven't accepted, maybe the visit will give you more clarity on whether you want in or not. You can think of it as a vacation rather than work even though it`s work, you got nothing to lose here" he said now getting up to leave
"You know, that`s not a bad idea actually" Maggie said as if thinking about it "let me ask Lisa if she is up for a trip" she grabbed her phone and started texting
"See, it will be fun but promise me you will tell Jackson at least that you are going to Israel"
"I will tell him, just not today" she put her phone down and looked at him "Robert" he looked at her "thank you for listening, I appreciate it"
"It`s no big deal" he swung his bag over his shoulders and headed for the door "by the way you can always tell him tomorrow at Catherine`s birthday party" he said shrugging his shoulders walking out
"Oh my god, I forgot about that" Maggie said shaking her head, talking to Robert gave her a little energy so she immediately called Lisa who agreed to go with her.
Robert called Meredith on his way to work and filled her in about Maggie, he knew it was wrong to break her trust but he couldn't just sit and not let her sister know. After the call Meredith made her way to Jackson`s lab
"Hey" she said barging in
"Well, hello to you too Grey" Jackson said looking at her as she took a seat across him
"Can you talk?"
"Sure"
"It's about Maggie"
"Are you sure she wants you talking to me about her?" Jackson said as he continued spraying some water on paper towels.
"Listen Jackson, she got suspended and..."
"What? Why?" he stopped intently looking at Meredith "I thought she took leave"
"Yeah, that's what everyone thinks or that's the email Bailey sent out. Listen her patient Mary was administered some medication that she had clearly stated she was allergic to, Maggie says she didn't do it but she was her primary physician. Mary threatened to sue unless Maggie got fired. Bailey talked with Maggie and the options were if she stays and gets sued, it would probably drag and be a court case which in turn will end up being public knowledge. The second option was she gets fired in Mary`s eyes but in actual fact "suspended" pending the internal hospital investigation, if found in the wrong she will have to resign so she chose the latter, I must tell you it doesn't look good"
"Why didn't she tell me all this?"
"Bailey said she mustn't tell anyone and you got to understand, everything is falling apart for her and she is not used to this" Meredith said looking at him
"I get that, she could have just told me"
"Well the reason I came to you is because right now her guy from Yemen is in trouble, something about his visa, he is also in danger of losing all they worked for with rechargeable hearts to those guys and if his visa isn't proper he might be charged for practising unlawfully and I don`t know much about law but won`t that implicate Maggie because rechargeable hearts are her thing"
"I will ask a buddy of mine but I think it will, unless she gives it up or take her name off" Jackson said scratching her head "this is bad and Yemen is Yemen if you know what I mean"
"No, I don`t know what you mean and she can`t just give it up after all the work she has put" Meredith said
"Well, Steve is gay and in Yemen you could go to prison just for that"
"What, are you serious? This is bad Jackson and I doubt she knows that"
"What did she say exactly to you?"
"She never told me all that, I only know about her suspension only, she told Robert all that this morning, she is planning on taking a trip to Israel to just tell them everything and see if they will still want her, according to Robert it would be like a vacation so she could see if she really wants the project but knowing Maggie if she loses that project also, it will be pretty bad"
"I still don`t understand why she wouldn`t talk to me"
"Apparently she feels like she has let all of us down and she specifically doesn't want you to be associated with all this because you are doing amazing and she doesn't want to jeopardize that"
"Oh my god, really?" Jackson asked
"Listen Jackson, I get you are mad but if we don`t do something Maggie could lose you, her job, her rechargeable hearts and never mind the 3D hearts"
"Fine, so where is Mary now, we could talk to her?"
"She left, she said she doesn't want to be treated in this hospital ever again"
"Something doesn't add up, this is clearly not a coincidence" Jackson said taking his phone
"Who you calling? You can`t call Maggie"
"Of course not, I am calling a friend of mine who is a private investigator, Parker actually said he believed Mary was faking her symptoms" Jackson said with a scowl on his face "come on, pick up" he continued trying one more time while Meredith started scrolling down her tablet.
"Oh my god" she said shaking her head
"What, what is it?" he dropped the call and moved over to stand behind her
"I am looking at her records, no health insurance, everything was paid for cash"
"At least there is a picture" he said calling again "not a word to Maggie about any of this especially Yemen and gays okay?" he said to Meredith who just nodded her head watching him on the phone
...
It was the day of the party and Richard had managed to organize Catherine' surprise party at Jackson`s, there was quite a number of people. Maggie and Jackson hadn't exactly told them their situation and Catherine kept on suggesting venues for the wedding and everything. They hadn't exactly discussed how they were going to handle it all because the last time they spoke was when Jackson apologized for drunk dialling her. He had felt embarrassed after and Maggie had been suspended so their paths hadn't crossed. The party was going great and there was nothing out of the ordinary if you didn't know what was going on between Maggie and Jackson. She was chatting with Richard`s new sponsor when Jackson walked over and asked to have a word with her in private. They moved away from the crowd to his office and closed the door. The two had kept mingling with guests but also managed to steal glances at each other. She had on a royal blue ruffle one shoulder bodycon dress that came just above her knees, she looked dead gorgeous and Jackson couldn't take his eyes off her.
"You look beautiful" he said standing by the door looking at her
"Thank you, you don`t look bad yourself and great party" she said slightly sitting on the desk balancing with her hands, he slowly walked towards her and stood right in front of her
"Do you remember the last time we were here?" he looked soulfully in her beautiful brown eyes "because I do"
"Jackson, we can`t do this" she folded her hands looking up at him
"Do what?" he asked with his eyes sharply looking at hers
"This, whatever this is, we have to tell them, your mum asked when I am available to go shopping for a dress" she said breaking eye contact.
"So what do you suggest we do?" he asked as his legs rubbed against her inner sides of her knees. She slowly moved her knees away from his legs but that made her to open space for him to stand in between her legs. He placed his one hand on her bare knee and Maggie felt shivers all over her body
"Jackson please, I -we need to stop this" she said standing up keeping her head down.
"Why?" he asked lifting her chin to look at her, she slowly removed his hand on her chin making Jackson to take a step back from her. Maggie felt her heart ache when he stepped away, she didn't want him to move away. She took a step towards him closing the gap with their bodies just an inch apart, she rested her palm and her forehead on his chest and said in a soft tone
"Jackson, I have to walk away, I have to back off, you have to let me do that"
"But, you are not backing away" he said making Maggie to look at his eyes, he put his hands in his back pockets avoiding to touch her but Maggie went on to wrap has around his torso
"I know" she slowly moved her hands and wrapped them around his neck standing on her tippy toes and placed a kiss on his lips. It was a soft kiss that lingered for a bit until Maggie broke it off "I am sorry" she said looking at him. Jackson looked at her because all that was happening was a little confusing for him. Maggie was saying one thing but doing the other, he on the other hand knew what he wanted. He removed her hands around his neck and held them in his
"Maggie, what is going on here?"
"I don`t know Jackson, I don`t know, you know I was in Boston and I couldn't even tell my dad that we broke up" she said looking at him with her head slightly tilted to the right
"Why didn't you tell your dad?" he was relieved that she hadn't at least told anyone except her sisters of course.
"Does that really matter?" she said as their eyes interlocked once again, Jackson gave her a nod signalling it mattered. She exhaled loudly and said "I don`t know, I guess maybe telling him will make it real" she said getting a little teary.
"Maggie, you broke up with me" he moved his hands to the sides of her arms slightly rubbing them "you do know that?"
"I know that and I feel sick that I did that; I let you think I'm doing well even though I miss you so much. Jackson, I love you and I will give up anything just to be us again. I thought if we ripped off the band aid it will help but it hurts even more. I can't sleep at night, I can`t do anything, I feel like my world is crashing down and the only time I want to get out of bed is to walk to the freezer for a next tub of ice cream. All I think about is you and the more I think about you the more it hurts. I can't get you out of my head no matter how hard I try, It feels like the world is coming to an end and I have no idea what to do anymore. It hurts and I wish things were different" she wiped her tears making Jackson to take her cheek in his hand. She didn't protest, she felt the comfort in the warmth of his hand on her face, she slowly put her palm on top of his hand. Jackson could see that this was taking a toll on her, how difficult this was for her; the fact that she was suspended wasn't helping, the possibility of her rechargeable hearts being in jeopardy made things even worse. He slowly took her in a hug and Maggie fell on his chest wrapping her arms around his waist sobbing. He knew she was letting out all the stress she was going through but he couldn't exactly say anything about it without her mentioning it.
"I love you too Maggie and I wish things were different too" he said running his right hand on her back; she wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as she could.
"Do you think all hope is lost?" she asked in a low tone after calming down
"I don`t know Maggie, I wish I knew and I wish things were that simple" he said placing a kiss on top of her head as he embraced her tighter burying his head in her curls breathing her in.
"Jackson, I need to tell you something" she said breaking away from the hug now rubbing her hands "so I was...
"Hey, your mum is looking for you two" Amelia said barging in, they both looked at her but she stood by the door waiting for them to move
"Can we talk after the party?" Jackson whispered to Maggie looking at Amelia
"Come on, she is waiting" Amelia insisted
"Okay" Maggie said softly nodding her head while Jackson`s phone immediately rang, he looked at it and saw that it was Bruce his private investigator and said "I am gonna get this, will join you in a minute"
...
The party had been amazing; Catherine had gotten drunk and as usual went on about how proud she was of her son and his upcoming wedding. Maggie walked back inside the penthouse after accompanying her sisters who were last to leave; they had stayed to help clean up but as she had promised Jackson she needed to stay so they could talk.
"Hey" she whispered walking into the bedroom where she found him seated on the bed with his laptop on his lap
"Hi" he looked at her, closed the laptop before putting it away
"You working" she said walking towards the closet
"No, no, just needed to send something quick" he said following her. Maggie was now going through her side of the clothes getting a few things of the hangers and throwing them on the chair "you said you wanted to tell me something" she immediately stopped and walked over to where he was by the closet entrance and stood in front of him with her eyes on the ground
"I was suspended" she looked up at his face to see his reaction but all she saw were eyes filled with kindness "I am sorry I didn't tell you and you can't tell anyone because I am still under investigation" she continued letting out a sigh of relief.
"Okay" he responded, she expected him to be mad but she got a different reaction. He was calm, kind and considerate
"That is why I said it was over that day, I was just feeling like everything is working against me and I didn`t want to drag you in my mess" she said folding her arms
"Maggie, I know surgery means everything to you and I understand that completely, I mean I see it in your eyes when you talk about it. You light up in ways I cannot explain, I just wish you would trust me enough and know that I will still love you even when you were not a surgeon" he said pulling her in for a hug "so what now?" he asked.
"I know we have been through this but I feel like it all happened so abruptly. I mean we both acknowledge the fact that we can`t be together but I feel like it all happened too fast" she said lifting her head to look up at him and their eyes met "you know, I came in here earlier and I went through your shirts, smelling them and how much I missed them, I am talking about your shirts Jackson, this is how bad this is" she said wrapping her arms around his waist while he rested his on her shoulders leaning against the wall.
"For me what`s most painful is there's no hate or misery here, I feel like if the relationship was awful maybe things would be easier. It`s painful to think about it, trust me I know there's no other way except to just part ways" he said as his eyes started to get teary while Maggie turned and put her palm on his cheek wiping his tears with her little thumb.
"I have come to realise that the hardest part about all this is convincing ourselves that we need to do it in the first place. Sure, we understand this decision is for the best but it doesn't make it easier, I have been feeling so many different levels of pain that I don`t know which ones to process first" Maggie said as their eyes interlocked once again
"I know, all of this is just painful, for me it`s to the point where I feel crippling doubt on top of it all, it's how could the right decision possibly make me feel like laying in bed all day with my head under the covers? But then again sometimes the right decisions are the most difficult" he said kissing the top of her head "I think you were right, we should tell our parents before it`s too late" he said looking over her this time. They were both right the relationship wasn't going anywhere, all they had to do was to officially call it quits on mutual understanding and it wasn`t easy.
"Can we hold on telling them at least until after the awards, I am going to Israel so there is a chance I might not like it. What if I realise it`s not what I want, we could still be together" she said searching for his eyes "Babe" he said letting out a little laugh "Have you seen yourself, how you light up when you talk about these 3D hearts? There is no way you won`t like it and we both know that. I think let`s rather do it before you go"
"No can do, did you see how happy your mum is? Let`s not bring rain on her parade yet" she said moving away from him taking a seat on the bed "you can tell them when I am gone if you want"
"Fine, we will wait until the awards but for us to move on we have to take some measures otherwise we will keep hurting each other if we keep doing this" he followed her taking a seat next to her
"I know" she put her palms on her face
"So go there, let me know if you like it, then come back so we break the news to them, how`s that" he said rubbing his hand on her lap
"Wait, I don`t know if I will be able to call you if I like it because it will be like doing this all over again so I will call you only if I don`t like it, yah that will be better. And if I don`t like it, I will be back here sooner so yah that sounds much better" she said fidgeting after rumbling, she wasn't even sure if what she said made sense at all so she put her palm on top of his hand that was on her lap and said "yah let`s do that, call you only when I don't like it"
"Okay, call me if you don't like it then" even though it didn't make sense to Jackson he just agreed because he knew Maggie would fuss over any little detail
"So this is it huh, I have to go and no more calling each other" she said standing up but Jackson pulled her back and made her sit on his lap
"Do you have to go right away though" he asked rubbing her back soothingly. Maggie looked at his eyes and put her hands over her neck and whispered "yes Jackson, you have to let me go" she said not moving an inch At that moment their eyes met and they realised that they were lying to themselves. The gaze intensified and it drew them to each other so much that they couldn't resist the tension anymore. Maggie wasted no time as she slowly reached for his soft lips, the kiss became more and more passionate until she stopped midway putting her palm on his chest and said "this has to be goodbye" Jackson said nothing and gave her a simple slight nod. He slowly rolled them over and gently placed her on the bed. They hadn't planned on it least expect it, but one thing led to another and they found themselves making love. It was very different and they both knew this could be the very last time they would be doing it, it became emotional, and it was gently, soft and beautiful. They both wanted to make each other happy and they catered to each other in the most beautiful way. Maggie ended up spending the night and that made the following morning to be hard for the two. They couldn't come to terms with saying goodbye. Even though Maggie had said it was goodbye the night before, that morning she couldn't stop crying, and he couldn't either. They were not prepared for the goodbye to hurt like that, there were still strong big feelings between them, the last hug was really tough, and the goodbye kiss was so full of passion, hunger and love and it had felt really good. It felt like they were back to square one with the emotions they were going through but they needed to let go. It was over and they had one last conversation to remember that the best thing was to stay away from each other unless Maggie`s trip makes her realise that she wouldn't want in on the project. They said their final goodbyes and Jackson watched her as she drove away in tears.
...
Maggie and Lisa had gone to Israel earlier than they had planned, she was mad at herself for having put herself through a situation that brought all the emotions back because she felt her heart break all over again. It was like she had been reminded of the love they had for each other all over again after all she loved Jackson very much. Days went by in Israel and she found herself enjoying her time in Tel Aviv University, the project was everything she could ever dream off. They wanted her, they had told her that she was actually the first choice and they needed her in the project. She told the lead researcher about her situation of possibly losing her job and her rechargeable hearts but they insisted they needed her. She had gone there hoping she would hate it but everything was perfect and she knew being on that project would put her at the top and she wanted in. She lay on her bed in her hotel room looking at the ceiling thinking about Jackson, she couldn't bring herself to call him and let him know that she at least loved it and that she wanted in, she felt like she was being unfair to him but this was her career. She saw an email from Bailey saying she was cleared and could come back to work whenever she was ready. Back in Seattle Jackson understood when he didn't get the phone call, this was it, and he had to come to terms with their relationship ending. All he had to do now was to wait for the awards and then break the news to his mum after.
Choices between the one you love and a career are always the hardest!