Author's note: okay, I lied. Two more chapters after this one. Another long one. Lemons in this one. Again, please reach out if you would like a summary of what happened without them, but I felt they were important to the plot...again.

Chapter 35

Morning came. Clarke still felt awkward, knowing she and Lexa had to discuss her decision about Pike. She feigned sleep, snuggling closer to Lexa before the impending storm. Lexa didn't seem to mind, pulling Clarke closer to her, sighing. She kept her eyes closed, her hand absently rubbing Clarke's arms, her face going to the crux of her neck. She placed small kisses there and then down Clarke's shoulder. She knew Clarke was awake and avoiding any conversations they needed to have. She didn't mind giving her an excuse to not have to address it yet.

She heard Clarke sigh as she kissed just at the base of her neck, Lexa's arms pulling her even more tightly against her. Lexa's hands slowly began wandering. She gripped Clarke's hip and pulled her against her tightly, her hand then running slowly up Clarke's side. She heard Clarke's breathing shift and smiled as she continued kissing her neck. She ran her hand up Clarke's stomach and felt it contract under her touch before she pulled it away, reaching to pull Clarke's night gown down over her shoulder. Her other arm, wrapped under and around Clarke, aiding in pulling it down to Clarke's hips. Once that article of clothing was out of the way, Clarke tried to turn to face Lexa, but Lexa held her firmly in her arms, a simple, "Uh uh," telling her to stay where she was. Clarke sighed and then gasped as Lexa crossed her arms over Clarke's chest, securing her to her, while her hands cupped Clarke's breasts, her thumbs running over her nipples, as she continued to kiss her neck. Clarke's breathing grew erratic, her hips beginning to move of their own accord, as Lexa continued her sweet torture. She didn't want to beg, but it seemed Lexa was content continuing the torture for eternity, finally forcing her to let out a breathy, "Please."

She felt Lexa smile into her neck, but Lexa didn't stop her torture until Clarke moaned her name in both pleasure and admonishment. Slowly, she removed one hand and slid it down Clarke's stomach, pulling the night gown lower as she went lower. She grabbed Clarke's thigh and lifted it over her own, giving her better access, before placing her hand between Clarke's legs, earning herself another gasp and moan. Her other hand both held Clarke flush against her and continued running her fingers over Clarke's breast. She continued kissing her neck, whispering for her to cum for her, and felt Clarke arch against her as her pleasure overtook her. She continued small movements as Clarke came back from her orgasm, Lexa whispering sweetly in her ear.

Clarke tried to turn in Lexa's arms again, but Lexa held her firmly against her. "Just let me hold you for a while longer, Clarke," she whispered softly in her ear.

Clarke sighed and stilled her movements. She wasn't sure if Lexa not wanting to look at her was good or bad. Either way, she was still firmly in Lexa's arms. And still naked.

After several more minutes, she finally just said, "Lexa?"

She felt Lexa shake her head and somehow pull her even closer; she wasn't ready to talk just yet.

Finally, she felt Lexa sigh against her neck, loosening her grip just slightly. Not enough for Clarke to turn around, but the desperation was less intense. Then, Lexa spoke, "How bad did you breakdown yesterday?"

Clarke frowned at the reminder, not wanting to answer. She still felt weak when she thought about her breakdowns.

Lexa felt Clarke stiffen in her arms and knew, without seeing, that Clarke wore a frown, "Talk to me, Clarke."

"Bad," Clarke sighed, "It was pretty bad. I got sick in front of Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln."

Lexa felt a twinge of guilt, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Yeah, because I love it when you also get to see me like that," Clarke said sarcastically.

Lexa bit Clarke's neck lightly in reprimand, earning a giggle, before kissing the spot. After a minute she continued, "I don't like seeing you like that, but I do like being there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't yesterday. I couldn't trust myself to keep my emotions in check."

Clarke stiffened again, waiting for Lexa to question her like her friends had. Instead, Lexa just pulled her closer, hugging her to her. Finally, she spoke again, "I nearly killed him when he said he had hoped that I had gone with you and almost took Octavia. The only thing that stayed my hand was knowing that he would receive a much more painful death if I didn't."

She felt Clarke begin to shake. She expected it; it was part of why she brought it up. "He didn't get us, Clarke, and he won't hurt anyone else ever again."

Clarke's shaking turned to sobs. She had thought she'd gotten it all out yesterday, but apparently hadn't. She wrapped her arms over Lexa's and let herself cry, Lexa lifting her leg over Clarke's to hold her even closer: a full-body hug. She let Clarke cry, let her get it all out, let her know with her actions that she was safe.

"Lexa…," she said after a minute, "we were so close to my nightmare becoming a reality. I don't know how to deal with that."

"You do it by watching him die," was Lexa's simple response. Clarke nodded, trying to dry her tears.

Clarke sighed and finally broached the subject they were both avoiding. "How mad are you about Pike?" she whispered.

She felt Lexa sigh into her neck, "Joining my birth clan is not a punishment, Clarke." There was both a hint of anger and a hint of humor in her voice.

"That's kind of the point, Lexa," Clarke said carefully.

"I know," Lexa whispered softly. They didn't speak for many long minutes before Lexa finally continued, "You know I will have to follow through on my promise if this fails." She started shaking slightly then, thinking about having to harm Clarke in punishment to Pike's actions.

"I know," Clarke said as she leaned her head forward to kiss Lexa's arm that was still wrapped around her chest, trying to ease Lexa's shaking.

"Either you have an incredible amount of faith in Pike or you really do crave death," Lexa said and there was the anger that Clarke was expecting.

Clarke pushed her way out of Lexa's arms to turn to look at her. Lexa's eyes were dark, a storm brewing in them. Clarke knew that she had put Lexa in a position that could force her to break the promise she'd made to Clarke over and over: that she would never hurt her.

"You said you would honor whatever decision I made regarding their punishments. Can't you trust me?" Clarke said, her hand coming up to caress Lexa's face.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "This doesn't challenge my trust in you. It's Pike I don't trust. He should be standing next to Johnson where they are both killed and I'm never in a position to cause you harm."

Clarke frowned, "Do you think I would have suggested it if I truly thought it wouldn't work?" She was bluffing and they both knew it. She was as nervous about the success of the punishment as Lexa.

"Clarke," Lexa growled out.

"Okay," Clarke conceded, "it might not work. You might have to follow through on your promise, but I couldn't…I couldn't not try."

Lexa's face softened. She knew that Clarke had to try, even at the risk of her own safety. It was the curse of a good leader. If this did succeed, then it was evidence that blood must not have blood could work. If it failed…Lexa let a few tears escape as she tried not to think about it, putting her forehead against Clarke's. Clarke encased her in her arms and pulled Lexa against her chest, Lexa's arms wrapping around her waist.

"You will do what you need to do if it comes to it, Lexa, and I will accept the consequences," Clarke said, caressing Lexa's hair.

"I know," was Lexa's slightly muffled response, "That doesn't mean that it won't kill me."

"I'm Wanheda," Clarke teased, "I won't let it kill you."

Lexa pulled Clarke tighter against her. She couldn't seem to get close enough to her. Her lips found her chest and began kissing along it, feeling the way it made Clarke's breathing begin to change. She began kissing lower.

"Lexa, we already-," Clarke started, but Lexa cut her off.

"Shut up, Clarke," she said more harshly than she meant to, "I need this. Please…let me love you again."

Clarke sighed and loosened her arms to give Lexa better access, her hand still gently caressing Lexa's hair while Lexa peppered kisses down her chest. Lexa met Clarke's eyes before pushing her onto her back, throwing her leg over her to straddle her. She felt somewhat desperate at the thought of her position someday forcing her to hurt Clarke and it reflected in her actions.

She continued kissing Clarke's chest as her hands came up to caress her breasts, her thumbs running over them before her mouth replaced them. Clarke's breath hitched as she instinctively arched into Lexa's mouth. Lexa's leg pushed its way between Clarke's legs, her thigh rubbing against center, causing Clarke to arch into it. She switched breasts, enjoying the sounds Clarke was making. After long minutes, she traveled the valley between Clarke's breasts with her mouth, down her stomach, before positioning herself between Clarke's thighs. She put her arms under Clarke's thighs, wrapping them around them, holding her in place firmly. Then, she used her mouth to bring Clarke sweet torment, Clarke arching into her as she let out a throaty whine. As Clarke's breath grew more erratic, a curse or plea leaving her lips, Lexa continued, keeping Clarke in place with her arms. As she watched Clarke fall apart, she never ceased her movements.

Clarke's legs were shaking when Lexa finally released her, Lexa crawling up her body to lay her head on her chest again, arms holding her close. Clarke tried to reach to pull Lexa up, wanting to love her as she had just loved Clarke, but Lexa just pushed herself closer to Clarke, refusing to move.

"Lexa?" Clarke said quietly when Lexa still wouldn't move off of her.

"I just want to love you right now, Clarke. You're going to need it more over the next few days than I am," she said softly, before finally lifting her head to look at Clarke, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "Besides, I haven't caught up to as many times as you've loved me yet."

Clarke let the side of her mouth lift in a small smile, "Oh? We're keeping track now?" Lexa gave a small smile and rolled her eyes, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Lexa, why don't you want me to love you?" Clarke asked, frowning.

"I always want you to love me, Clarke," Lexa said and Clarke knew she wasn't just talking about physical love, "In a few hours, we're going to have to leave this room. We'll meet with people and solidify the plans for both Johnson and Pike. I need to do this to be okay with all of it…and I think you need it, too. Just for right now, I need it to not be reciprocated. We've done the reverse; can you just let me love you? Let me show you?"

Clarke watched all the emotions warring in Lexa's eyes. "As long as you know that I love you, too. I trust you, Lexa," she said softly before Lexa began again peppering kisses along her neck.

They left the room after lunch. Lexa surprised her by giving her a hug, clasping her close against her chest, just before they left the room. Not that they didn't ever hug, but this one seemed different, like it was a final act of love before they both had to face reality outside of the doors.

Octavia and Lincoln were summoned by Lexa when they made their way into the hall. They briefed both of them on Skaikru and when the others would arrive. Clarke's mother and Kane, as well as a few other Arkadians, including the infamous Henry, would be arriving in Polis by dinner. Octavia assured Lexa that they all understood that they would be taking part in the execution and that there had been no arguments about that part.

Lexa then left Clarke in their care, informing them that she would have a room prepared for the Chancellor and the Doctor, but the other Arkadians would need to set up camp in Polis. Most would most likely stay at the trading post.

Octavia raised an eyebrow at Clarke after Lexa left, wondering if the late exit from the room was due to fighting all night or other activities, but Clarke had already put on her mask of indifference, stating she needed to check on Emory. It was then that she was informed that Murphy and Emory were already at the trading post. After she had left, Raven and Emory had talked long into the night about different tech; both were anxious to get back to the trading post to try out their ideas.

So, Clarke spent the majority of the rest of the day in the trading post, amused at how well Emory and Raven seemed to be getting on. She spared a glance at Murphy, who had an odd look on his face: hope. For the first time since he met Emory, he could see them living a happy life where they didn't need to break the law to survive. Unfortunately, the trading post was already filling up; they'd have to bunk with either Bellamy and Echo or Monty and Harper. Neither of those ideas appealed to them. Clarke let out a laugh, the sound drawing the eyes of each of her friends, when Murphy made that comment.

"I'll mention it to Lexa and see if she has an idea," she said, "though, she might find another old man to adopt both of you." Murphy looked appalled at the idea until Harper explained Jasper's recent adoption.

Evening came much too quickly for Clarke and then the other Arkadians arrived. It wasn't that she wasn't excited to see them, but she wasn't looking forward to defending her punishment for Pike. They came to the trading post first, the current inhabitants helping the others set up cots and get settled. Henry looked ashamed and sheepish. She met his look with a blank face. When he approached, she saw Lincoln and Octavia flank them, ready to step in if need be, but there was no need.

"I decided to take your advice and put the blame where it belongs," he said, meeting her eyes, "I never understood it, but Caleb always did whatever Mark did. Caleb is responsible for what he did, but so is Mark for leading him down that path…I'm really sorry about before."

Clarke just gave him a small nod. Things fell into comfortable chaos after that, with everyone catching up and sleeping arrangements being made. Soon, it was dinner time and Clarke informed her mother and Kane that they would be staying in Polis tower. They nodded and then followed her, with Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln coming along.

Lexa met them on the main floor. She and Titus welcomed them to Polis, then she informed them that they would all dine together. First, they could go to their rooms to get settled in, but to meet in the dining hall in an hour. Aidrona escorted them to their room, a shared one, Clarke noted, on the floor below Lexa's.

Dinner was cordial, no one wanting to bring up the elephant in the room, but her mother couldn't continue to ignore it and asked for the details of each man's punishment. Clarke took the lead to explain them, watching both Kane and Abby's faces carefully.

"Why did you choose that punishment for Pike, Commander? We had assumed both men would receive the same punishment," Kane asked, his tone curious and not accusatory. The look on Abby's face showed that, had she asked the question, the tone would have been very different.

"I did not choose either man's fate, though I did have the power to veto if I so chose. The decision was left up to Indra, as the representative of Trikru, and Clarke," Lexa kept her tone even, meeting Kane's eyes.

"And why didn't you veto it?" there was the accusatory tone that Lexa knew Abby would have when she finally spoke.

She met the healer's eyes, her face hardening just slightly, "Because the decision wasn't made lightly and it is what the wronged parties had agreed upon. To veto would be to say that I do not trust Indra or Clarke in their ability to make decisions."

Abby glanced at Clark and Clarke could tell she wanted to say something, but Abby held her tongue, sighing. Kane then asked about more details for Johnson's execution, his face becoming somber. Titus answered them. He had become protective of Wanheda and sensed the disapproval of her mother, so he took control of the conversation, emphasizing the need for all of them to take part, especially those closest to the wronged.

Soon, dinner ended and Clarke walked Abby and Kane to the lift, explaining to an excited Kane how Raven had gotten it running. Lexa and Titus also walked them out as they waited, Lexa looking pointedly at Clarke, asking silently if she wanted her to come to help with Abby, but Clarke gave a minute shake of her head to tell her no. She would meet Lexa in their room afterwards.

As she expected, Abby wasn't thrilled about Pike's chosen punishment and she let Clarke know. Clarke gave her all of the reasons she had chosen it, but Abby really didn't want to hear it. When her mom blamed her brain injury, Kane finally stepped in and told a very hurt Clarke that they should call it a night. Clarke left without another word.

Lexa was sitting by the fire reading when she came in.

"That bad, huh?" she asked when she saw Clarke's face.

Clarke came and sat by her, trying to work through her emotions, "Apparently, you should have vetoed it because I'm too brain damaged to make decisions." Clarke rubbed her face, trying to dispel the anger and hurt…and fear that her mother was right.

Lexa let her have a few moments to compose herself and then Clarke spoke, "Maybe she's right."

"She's not, Clarke," Lexa said, "It's a risky plan, but it's a good one. If it succeeds, it paves the way for a kinder justice system."

"Still," Clarke said, "I know my brain doesn't always work right, I know I still have occasional issues. What if that's why I chose it and it's going to backfire?"

"Do you really think I would have agreed with it if I thought there wasn't a decent chance of it working? Do you think you could have ever convinced Indra? Your mother is wrong, Clarke," Lexa said in a no-nonsense tone.

Clarke sighed and leaned into Lexa. Her mother was her greatest support and adversary. It would take time for her to come around, but time was something they were short on. She just hoped that maybe Kane could help her understand.

They spent the night much like they had spent the morning, but they couldn't sleep in the next day. More preparations needed to be made as clan leaders and ambassadors began showing up in Polis. Clarke then understood why her mother and Kane were put on the floor below. She wasn't sure why she hadn't put it together before, wondering if it was her brain injury or not.

She discovered the reason when she met up with her mother in the room she and Kane shared and her mother immediately crushed her into a hug.

"I tried to find you last night to apologize, but the guard said you weren't staying on this floor. He wouldn't tell me what floor you were staying on and wouldn't even let me get on the elevator to look for you! He said you were on the Heda's floor and no one was allowed there without permission from both Lexa and Titus?" her mother had pulled back to look at her with concern and question in her eyes.

That made it click for Clarke. She knew that, prior to her coming to Polis the first time, the only inhabitants of that floor were Lexa, her room set off and back from the rest of the floor, the rooms next to it empty, while Titus, Ryder, and a few other high officials were down the hallway on the other side of the tower. Above the level was the throne room and other official rooms.

Lexa had brought her to her private floor the first time she had been brought to Polis. It was no wonder Titus had hated her from the moment they had met; she was clearly a threat to the Commander and the Commander had given her unprecedented access to fulfill those threats. It also made sense as to why Octavia, Lincoln, Bellamy, and Raven had been placed there, while Jasper, Monty, and Harper were put in the trading post. She trusted the former much more implicitly than the latter. She really did give Clarke more leeway, as well as those Clarke was close to, than she probably deserved.

At first, Clarke felt very stupid for missing it, but then she thought about her friends and their behavior. At minimum, Jasper also hadn't caught on. If he had, she doubted her would have been so bold as to ask the Commander if he could live there instead of in the trading post. It wasn't that Lexa didn't trust the other Skaikru, but the ones in the rooms given by Lexa on her floor were in a more elite circle of trust. Her heart swelled a little when she realized that Murphy and Emory had also been included in that, though Murphy had helped her save Lexa's life and both had saved Clarke. She doubted Murphy had caught on, but wondered if Emory knew.

After her mother spent a long time apologizing, while Clarke insisted it was fine, all forgiven, they made their way to the trading post. Both Abby and Kane were impressed when they were given an official tour and update on how it was going. Clarke wanted to ask Octavia or Raven if they had caught onto what had taken her until this morning to realize, but there wasn't really an appropriate time to ask with so many people.

It also seemed like everyone was avoiding the reason they had come: they had two more nights before the sunrise would bring the execution of Mark Johnson. For now, it seemed both better and easier to ignore it and simply catch up.

The day passed quickly and it wasn't long before Clarke again escorted Abby and Kane to their room, stopping every so often to greet an ambassador or leader that had arrived. Abby gave her a funny look, noting the way she made her face impassive, almost blank, as she made formal small talk with them.

Abby asked if Clarke would ever show her her own room, but Clarke gave a non-committal answer, before excusing herself for bed. She hadn't seen Lexa since they'd left the bedroom in the morning and she missed her. She was also proud of her for not checking up on her.

Sure enough, when she entered the bedroom, Lexa was pacing, but let out an audible sigh when Clarke entered. She then tried to school her face to not show the relief of seeing her again after no doubt spending all day worrying about her, but too late, as Clarke had already seen it. Rather than draw attention to it, Clarke just crossed the room and took Lexa in her arms, kissing her.

Once they finally broke apart, going to sit on the sofa, they each caught the other up on their day, Lexa leaning into Clarke just a little bit more each moment. She had spent all day fighting her anxiety of not seeing Clarke and not knowing for sure where she was. She also knew that these three days would be hard for Clarke and wished she could go back to keeping her within touching distance at all times, but knew that wasn't what Clarke wanted or needed.

As they fell back into ease, the familiar peace taking over, Clarke had to find out if her realization today was part of her mental issues or not.

"Lexa?" she asked, looking almost bashful, causing Lexa to smile before even knowing what Clarke was going to ask.

"Yes, Clarke?" she raised an eyebrow at her.

"I…today…this is your private floor," she said, not wanting to sound stupid.

Lexa furrowed her brow at her, still smiling, "Yes?"

"You brought me here after Roan captured me," she said, trying to get Lexa to guess at what she suddenly couldn't articulate.

"Yes, I did," Lexa said slowly, not quite understanding where Clarke was going with this.

"No one is allowed here without your and Titus' permission," finally Lexa looked like she understood.

"You're wondering why I brought you here after Roan brought you in," she stated, waiting for Clarke to confirm.

"Yes…no," she said, "I think I figured out a while ago why you brought me so close to you."

Lexa looked at her confused. Finally, Clarke rolled her eyes and just went out with it, "I didn't know this was actually your private floor. I thought you brought all the ambassador or people of interest here."

This time Lexa actually understood, "Oh, no. This is the Heda floor. It is the most fortified and guarded. Very few people are ever given access. It has to be approved by both Titus and myself. My head of guard also vets any workers or warriors before they are allowed near it."

Clarke looked sheepish again, "I only realized that today when my mom told me that she tried to find me to apologize, but the guards wouldn't even let her on the lift to come look for me."

Lexa smiled, "I don't think Raven's caught on yet and I'm certain Jasper hadn't until Jairob told him."

"Do Octavia and Lincoln know?" Clarke asked.

"Yes, as your guards, they had to be vetted and entrusted with knowledge of how best to defend this floor. I believe Bellamy knows through Echo. From what I understand," Lexa's smile grew slightly, "he tried to take her to his room once and the guards wouldn't let her on the lift. None of the other clan leaders or ambassadors are allowed up here. It was justified with you because putting you with the other leaders would have almost guaranteed your assassination when you were first brought in. The only reason Titus agreed was because the risk of one of them taking your power and challenging me with it was greater than the risk that you would succeed in harming me. Even then, extra guards were posted here when you were first brought in."

Her face had grown more serious as she spoke, explaining why Clarke had initially put on the sacred floor, at least the official reasoning. Clarke just smiled, knowing their history as well as Lexa did, "So, it's not just me who didn't catch on?"

Lexa smiled back at her, "No, it wasn't just you. You had no reason to think that you would be housed somewhere that others weren't allowed to go and everyone else would have assumed you knew and not told you. Our cultures are very different and you were not in a good state of mind when you were first brought in. By the time you left, I assume it just seemed normal for you to be in the room next to me."

"Yeah," Clarke said, "I still feel like I should have caught on sooner. What if I had accidentally told someone which floor it was on? What if one of the others had?"

"Then your babysitters and my guards would have dealt with it. There's a reason the tower is so heavily guarded. Besides, it's the floor of the Flame Keeper. Even if someone wanted to harm me, they would be a fool to try to harm him," Lexa explained.

They spent the night like they had the previous, Lexa still insisting that she love Clarke and Clarke not reciprocate. It was a little frustrating for Clarke, but she let Lexa win this battle. The next day was filled with duties and preparations. The previous air of catching up now replaced with somber anticipation of what the morning would bring. Both Lexa and Clarke retired to their room earlier than usual. Neither spoke much. They didn't make love, but spent the night holding each other. Neither slept, neither was able to.

An hour before the sun was to rise, they silently dressed. Lexa helped Clarke pick something again, Clarke appearing frozen, the shaking already starting. Lexa kissed her gently on the neck, hugging her from behind. Then, she helped her dawn the customary face paint for such occasions. They made their way down to the center circle where others had already begun arriving. No one made pleasantries, no one even spoke.

Charles Pike was brought up, hands still bound, by Indra to watch. She had already started meeting with him, doing everything in her power to make sure her Heda would not have to fulfill her promise should he step out of line. He looked resigned, but respectful.

Then, after everyone who needed to be there had arrived, plus the many, many witnesses who filled the stands, Mark Johnson was led out onto the platform.