She stared at the stain growing on the carpet.
The crimson tea cup laying precariously on the ground was in stark contrast to the white carpeting. She watched as the circle of brown grew around it, centimeter by centimeter as more tea soaked into the low shag. She thought about how weird it was that at this moment she was wondering when she started using so little milk when the squeeze of the arms around her brought her back to the present. She wrapped her arms tight around the body in front of her, laying her head against his shoulder as the wall she had carefully constructed finally crumbled and she broke down in sobs.
She hadn't been prepared for the movement. When she dropped the bomb and told them who her father was she braced herself for the worst. When Harry jumped to his feet she was prepared for him to storm from the room and out of her life for good. What she wasn't ready for was Him crossing the room in a flash, not caring for jostling the tables and knocking the teacups off as he threw himself into her arms. His arms were long enough now to completely engulf her and she could feel the pressure of his glasses against her shoulder as they sat there holding each other.
"Please don't hate me." She choked out in a whisper against his shoulder.
He squeezed her to him again before pulling back to press a kiss to the top of her head.
"I could never hate you Hermione. I am upset, yes I admit. So very upset. I don't know why you have kept so many secrets from us, but I know you are about to tell us. But I just couldn't sit there and not come to you after you telling us. I Have known you for five years now, you are my best friend. You just told me the story of how your mother and godfather were killed. There is no way in hell I would have just sat there and let you hurt alone."
She held him to him as tight as she could, trying to absorb his natural goodness through her pores. He must have picked up on the fact that she was unable to speak at the moment because he broke the tension with the rest of the room. It was only then that she remembered this had been a confession to three people. Sirius and Remus were still seated frozen on the couch.
"You both seem less surprised by all this than me." He directed to the two older wizards. "Why is that?"
Sirius and Remus shared a glance, trying to read the other when a small smirk broke out on Remus' face. He reached across and lightly shrugged his oldest friend.
"Turns out you were right all along Pads." He chuckled, making Hermione lift her head from Harry's shoulder while the two of them looked over at him oddly, hoping he would explain.
"I asked Sirius a few years ago what the nature of his relationship with Hermione was." He said and cringed when both Harry and Hermione furrowed their brows. He held up a hand to stop them from commenting.
"You have to understand, the Sirius I grew up with was a regular day casanova. He had a reputation. I was concerned that he had fallen back into his pe-azkaban ways. I assumed he didn't do much maturing in his cell. The two of you were already very close, and physically comfortable with one another. I feared he saw a pretty witch who went out of her way to help him and fell head over heels in love with her."
They all ignored the scoff Sirius made.
"When I confronted him he said he could see why I worried but he felt so close to you, almost as if you were his kin, he said he had convinced himself you were his long lost niece in order to not be attracted to you. I was just saying that I guess in a way he was right."
The fact seemed to click into them all as they shared a wide eye look.
"The godparent bond would have failed when Reggie died." Sirius told them with a sad smile. "But being the last of the Blacks, and his brother, I felt a part of it deep within myself. It was probably an underlying, unknown reason that I was so adamant in having you make me your magical guardian, it satisfied that broken bond."
They took a second to take in what he had said. It did make a lot of sense, she had instantly felt connected to Sirius. That day behind her house she knew the moment she saw him she was going to offer him help. It was a gut feeling, that she now knew to relate to her magical core. It must have been reaching out to the partial bond they shared.
Sirius cleared his throat after giving her a small smile.
"But as you said we seem less surprised, it's because we are." He shrugged. "Hermione gave me a journal after the ministry and it was written by her mother. I put the pieces together and worked out the baby she referenced was VIxen, then I found a picture of Reggie and Anastasia tucked inside. I had already had a copy of the photo, I found it when I cleaned out Regulus room. He had a journal that he hid in case he didn't make it back. He directed half the letter to Anastasia and the other to myself. He wrote plain as day not to trust Dumbledore if he didnt make it back. It was a desperate hope from a love sick man. In the picture he is looking at he with so much admiration that I wasn't as shocked to hear he went to his death trying to protect her." He wiped a stray tear from his cheek.
"In the journal Anastasia mentioned Tom by name a few times, and I got the gist that whoever he was he wasn't necessarily a good man. She never used words like "love" to describe their relationship. More along the lines of "duty" and "a chance to change it all." That was her favorite." He gave Hermione a sad smile and she nodded. "I didn't know Tom and Voldemort were one and the same, so just like you, we have questions." He waved a hand between him and a nodding Remus.
Hermione wiped her tears, giving Harry one last squeeze before letting him retake his seat next to them. She looked down to see a new cup of tea sitting on the table and the mess vanished. Tully must have been keeping a very close eye on her. No doubt at her fathers request. She took a sip and cleared her throat. A rush of confidence in her now that they didn't instantly run for the hills. She looked up and made eye contact with the one by one. Her honey browns locking into smoke grey, before emerald green, then finally landing on a soft green that was marbled in gold.
"Ok, same rules. I tell you a quick quill version, then you are free to ask whatever you would like afterwards." She was proud that her voice never wavered and they all gave their consent.
"I grew up totally muggle. I had no clue about anything magical, I didnt even know I was adopted. Honestly I didn't have the same experiences as other children given who my parents were so I wasn't able to point out that anything was amiss. I didn't have any friends, a consequence of jealousy of my family's wealth and ridicule for my study habits, then when you added in my bouts of accidental magic, well, kids steered clear of me." She gave a cold chuckle.
"On my tenth birthday my parents were both out of town for business, they offered to take me but I was going to have my classmates over, so I stayed home with my governess. Well like any other sad story, no one showed up. My governess was everyday of 85 so she told me to just go outside and play. I remember being so mad. My hair was crackling like crazy and I popped every single balloon without touching it. I ran as fast as I could through the woods until I made it to the clearing where I just screamed, and cussed and ranted. It was a right proper fit. Well I didn't know I wasn't alone until someone questioned if I was finished. I looked all around scared and surprised because I didn't see anyone. Then the grass shifted and the largest but most beautiful snake I had ever seen approached me. I had no idea that in my ranting and raving I had started speaking Parseltongue. She introduced herself to me as Nagini and we struck up an instant friendship." She smiled fondly at the memory.
"She knew me, she explained to me that I was a witch and what that entailed. She told me about my father, but that I wasnt to meet him until I was ready. That's when I found out I was adopted and my magic burst out setting fire to a few acres of land. She told me that I would have to work on controlling myself, that my magic was raw and powerful, that I was destined to be more. I never spoke to my father until after first year. I was so afraid. I had just spent a year hearing how he was this horrible dark wizard and here I was best friends with the chosen one Harry Potter. When we finally talked I understood that everything was so screwed towards Dumbledore's narrative that I had no idea what was right and wrong. I met Fenrir in the forest first year during detention. He could smell my fathers blood in me, he knew from across the field I was different. He was a prick and it took me a while before I could actually stand him with out wanting to murder him." She shook her head thinking about how hard Fen had tried getting under her skin.
"It wasn't until before third year that we made arrangements for us to live together. He came to meet my parents, and explained he was my birth father. Then we convinced them together to make the move they had been waiting on. They settled in Australia and Tom took on the role of my uncle to keep suspicion off of him. I was sad to see them go, I loved them, but there was already such a distance between us because of the magic, so I figured this kept them safe in case it as ever revealed who I was. What I didn't expect was for Dumbledore to be so upset that I funded and supported Sirius' case that he had them killed." Her voice grew harsh, pure hatred lacing each word.
"It was such a foolish thing to do. Had I been anyone else I would have believed him, after all not just anyone can cast the dark mark. But there it was floating in the air above the building he murdered my parents in. Now, I don't know if he cast the killing curse himself, but make no mistake he was behind it. I saw it in his damned twinkling eyes when he showed me the picture. He wanted me to hurt, he was looking for me to break. I know why now. It's because I made you too strong Harry. I gave you a family with me and mine, and then I hand delivered Sirius to you. I have been there to support you and build you up because when I found out about what happened to you I refused to let Albus Dumbledore use you the way he did my father." Her fist were shaking in rage when she finished.
She had to physically shake her sf out of the red haze she succumbed to. It wouldn't do any of them any good if she was to lose control of her magic right now.
"I am ready to answer your questions now. We can go through the rest of this together. I will tell you now that I am not trying to sell you that my father is a good man. He's Not. That's not what this has been about, this is about us all standing together to stop Dumbledore once and for all. We can't afford to keep letting us pit us against each other in some made up war that he is provoking. I know you all have things to say and questions to ask so please, ask away."
The three wizards on the couch turned into each other and held a whispered conversation with one another. They all had a list of questions but could feel a few minutes ago the shift of Hermione's magic and knew she was struggling to keep it under control. They didn't want to bombard her to the point where she would explode, they just wanted the main ones answered for now and then later could ask her more. Then there was the fact she had mentioned her father wanted to meet them. Voldemort was literally inviting them to tea, it sounded like the start of a bad joke. They needed to hear the hard truths to be able to make that decision together.
Sirius listened as Harry and Remus were deciding what questions to ask as he watched the little witch across from them. He saw her chest rise and fall slowly as she was trying to calm herself down. From his seat he could see the crimson half circles on her palm where her nails had dug into them when she struggled with her anger. He remembered the look of fury on her face when they had first met. She had threatened him at first thinking he was there to hurt Harry. He had watched her time and time again step in front of both him and his godson to protect them. He knew then that no matter what else she had to say, he would support her. He would go with her when she asked to meet Tom.
"I guess the main question I have is about the night my parents died." Harry cleared his throat. "I need to know what happened and why."
Hermione shook her head, expecting this to be asked.
"Ok, I don't know everything, but I will tell you everything I know. That prophecy that you picked up the other night at the ministry. It wasn't the only one. I am a prophesy baby. That's the whole reason for my existence:
"The pretender searches to control death, while the betrayed seeks immortality. He will control them all through fear and lies, using them to reach his goal. To become the master of death, to rule them all.
One to thwart his plans could exist. A daughter from a house long forgotten, a myth in all but reality. The betrayed son, an heir in his own right. Merge the bloodlines, create the power.
However, the snake must grow in the den, they must embrace both worlds. Through them minds will be swayed and hearts will be changed. True power will emerge and with it hope."
My father was told this from some silver haired crone in Greece. He was with three of his followers, and took it as gospel. He immediately put all his plans on the back burner to focus on ensuring the prophecy was fulfilled. This was roughly two years before the other prophecy was told. The one like I said Dumbledore put together so perfectly to apply to your family." She rolled her eyes.
"So my father had just spent years fulfilling his part of the prophecy. He found my mother, made me and was hoping that his heir would be the answer. Well then, shit hit the fan when Snape heard the prophecy. He went to Dumbledore first with it and begged him to save your mom. Dumbledore told him he needed to go back to Tom and tell him the prophecy, so that he kept his faith and trust in Snape. Which we all know now was bullshit. So Snape tells my father about the prophecy, and just like Dumbledore expected him to, he freaked out. Snape convinces him that he may be the Longbottoms, a Neville was due at the same time. So they agree to wait and see while both families go into hiding. Well that doesn't work for Dumbledore, he needed action. So he got Regulus to destroy the Horcrux that Snape told him about. Making Tom go off the deep end like I said. By this time I was already with my muggle parents, hidden away where Dumbledore couldn't get to me. Then enters Pettigrew, I still have no idea why he even came to Tom. But October 31st, Tom shows up at your parents house with Pettigrew. He knew he had to convince them to join him. As the so-called prophecy said the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord was born to those who thrice defied him, and they hadn't yet."
She lets her words sink in as she braces herself for the next part.
"I don't know all the details from here, I know that eventually it was only you, your mother, and Tom in your room. Tom had made Snape a vow that he wouldn't harm your mom, so he had demanded that she get out of the way and let him have you. She held up her hands to stop him and that's when he saw the blood. She had performed blood magic and there was a ritual circle under your crib. She was going to slam her hands down to complete the ritual and Tom panicked and cast on her. Then, maybe only Merlin knows what really happened." She shook her head sadly. "Between the blood magic ritual, the breaking of the vow between Severus and Tom, and the sacrificial love that your mother used, there was an explosion. It killed your mother and my father, and left you with that scar. I'm assuming that the breaking of the vow tore at his soul and a piece of the fractured soul latched on to the only living thing in the room. Which was you. Tom woke up in Albania after it was all said and done. He had a horcrux hidden there and it brought him back, just not in true form. It took him years to build up his strength and magic to be able to come back, and once he could, he sent Nagini to me."
"We don't know what ritual your mother used. When Snape arrived at the scene the explosion and magic discharge had contaminated the scene enough where he couldn't make it out. What he could see was dark, and knowing Lilly like he did, he knew it wasn't something she would have thought of on her own. I know Dumbledore mentioned blood protection to you before as a reason to why he left you with the Dursleys. I think he had something to do with her casting it. I think his end goal was to rid himself of your parents and have you helpless and reliant on him. He wanted you to worship him, to put your faith in him blindly. Which is why he made sure Sirius couldn't come for you, and that Remus wouldn't have the rights to. But those are questions we would have to ask him ourselves."
Harry had tears streaming down his face as his hands formed fist in his lap. His muscle clenched in his jaw as he worked his way through the story he was hearing. It was so much to take in and it was making his brain hurt to try. He had no clue now who was good and who was bad, he felt adrift in the ocean of confusion.
"Your father," Remus cleared his throat. "Tom, what does he want. What is his end game?"
Hermione was a bit taken back by the question, it wasn't one she had expected them to ask today. She furrowed her brow in thought, not really knowing the best way to answer that.
"He wants revenge on Dumbledore. That I know for sure because it is one of my wishes too. He wants to demolish the new 'greater good' approach to magic. He wants to eradicate the notion of dark and light magic and treat magic as magic nothing more. He wants to strengthen and enforce the statute of secrecy more. As the muggles progress they get closer to our secrets and we need to make sure to keep our world separate. He wants to clean out and upgrade the ministry, and put someone who is better equipped for the job as minister as well as headmaster. He wants to overhaul the laws that restrict magic and her creatures. We share a view on how those viewed as beast or creatures should be treated, and it's far different than how they are now. You see we believe creatures and beings should be cared about even when it isn't a time of crisis." She shrugged. "As for whatever else you would have to ask him.
"How can we trust him?" Sirius asked.
She looked into his grey eyes and sighed.
"I'm not asking you to. I wouldn't do that to any of you. But, I am asking you to trust me. The first time I met my father I told him I planned on going to Harry's house and rescuing him from the Dursleys. That he was my best friend and he was being mistreated. He encouraged me to do so, he told me then what I have heard him say numerous times to those in his inner circle. That Harry is not his enemy, he was a boy wronged just like he was."
She rubbed her hands over her face and let out a long groaned sigh.
"Look, I have said it numerous times, my father isn't a good man. But, he also isn't the worst. He has made mistakes and done wrongs, I don't want you to think I don't know that. But I am sitting here before you telling you that my hands are not clean either. My rage and anger have consumed me from time to time and I am ashamed at some of the things I have done. I can't ask you to forgive me for the things I have done, or the secrets I have kept. I do want you to know that regardless of anything, even if you decide we need space after today, that I will never hurt you, or allow anyone to."
"If there is anything I believe today it is that." Harry's voice was calm but not as cold as she expected. "I vividly remember my birthday after the first year when you showed up to little whining to come take me away. I had never been so happy before that time. I still use it as my patronus memory." He gave her a sad smile.
Sirius reached out to take his hand, giving him a supportive smile.
"I think we all agree with Vixen that you are never a danger to any of us. I know we are all emotionally exhausted, instead of answering more questions just give us a run down of what has happened the last few years that lead back to your father."
She nodded and saw from the side of her eyes that Remus and Harry seemed to agree that was the best course of action considering the bulk that was unloaded on to all of them today. She had to think hard on what exactly she wanted to say, they were all being strangely supportive despite the wool she violently ripped from all of their eyes. Coming to the decision that she didn't want to end this peace between them she went for the broadest of description, leaving out some of the less favorable or important aspects that didn't really matter in the long run.
"Ok first thing he was responsible for was the show out at the world cup. After Albus had come after me by killing my adopted parents we were all very angry. The fact that he blamed it on death eaters made it even worse. You see after Sirius' trial we were all working together to get Rabastan out of Azkaban. He was so young when he went and practically innocent. He didn't participate in the attack on the Longbottoms, he was just there at the time. It was all stupid Bellatrixs fault." She gritted her teeth angrily. "You all know they denied his release because of recent death eater attacks, which there weren't any. It was heartbreaking for Roddy, but also maddening. My father decided to prove that if he was going to make an appearance he could do better than two dead muggles tucked away in London." She rolled her eyes.
"There was a plan, they were only supposed to show up and show out. Showing numbers and that their presence was still there. No one was supposed to be hurt, they had specific areas to target and stay away from. But like all good plans, there were some loose pieces. One in particular was Alecto fuckin Carrow and her immense jealousy and stupidity. She was the one who cornered us outside the tent. At the time I didn't know, and I think it's imperative that only a small handful of people know my true identity. She was not one of them. She wanted Dolly and decided when she saw us to take me out of the picture. Unfortunately for her, I am pretty hard to get rid of." She couldn't help the cheeky smile that broke on her face.
"SO that was why I was so upset that night and afterwards. We were never supposed to be in any danger. I am very sorry about that. Don't worry though, she got what was coming to her. Dumb cow accepted an annonymous gift and it turned her into a harpy. Without a doubt some of my best potion and charm work." She grinned evilly and Sirius let out a deep laugh.
"Unfortunately she has relatively recovered. Mostly due to the fact that Severus kept getting called into Mungos to try to cure her and he was getting so aggravated that he started snapping at Neville more. That and both Dolly and Bill Weasley were run ragged. I got tired of hearing about it from all fronts so I supplied them with the solution." She shrugged.
"In the time I spent researching the reversal I came across a solution for the remaining Horcruxes of my fathers. There was a way to absorb them into a potion and have him rei-njest them. Between Severus, Thomas Nott and I, we managed to create it. We did a test run and it worked, then we decided the best thing to do was to remove the one in you next. You see with Dumbledore aware we were afraid he could manipulate you and use the connection to his advantage. I know I should have come to you and spoke to you then, but you were still too close to Dumbledore, and the Weasleys, and I was afraid of the backlash should you not believe me."
"It was supposed to be fairly simple, Crouch Jr. was stationed at the school using polyjuice to look like Alastor Moody. He was tasked with getting close to you without suspicion from Dumbledore in order to take you to the ritual site to return the horcrux. Unfortunately he didn't see a way to get you alone on his own so he entered your name in the Goblet of fire. I was proper pissed but he swore you wouldn't be hurt, I just couldn't take the risk though and that's why I was such a slave driver with you. I had to be sure his idiotic choice due to my fathers request wouldnt get you killed. You of course did great and everything was proceeding perfectly.. But then.." She grit her teeth as she released a shaky breath.
"But then Albus tried to have you killed in the Black Lake during the second task" Sirius filled in and Hermione looked up at him sadly and nodded.
"When he got away with that my father couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to make him pay, he wanted the world to see what an incompetent fool Dumbledore really is. He wanted to plaster his past sins across every platform available. That's where the snatch and grab idea came from. Then while everyone was fretting over Harry being missing, they would perform the ritual while the other group went to Azkaban and released the Dementors from their servitude. The flaw in this plan was that Barty Jr. was insane. Certifiably so as we have come to learn. He murdered his own father before stashing him under the stands. Then he managed the port key where it took anyone who touched it where it was only supposed to take Harry. Killing Cedric in the process."
Harry gasped, his face getting red in anger.
"Why hasn't he been arrested then. Why are you all hiding him? He should pay for Cedric's death!" Naturally Harry was more upset about the lack of justice for his teammate than the fact she had just admitted she knew he would be abducted that night.
She wiped the tear that fell down her cheek whenever she thought about that night. It was a cross of so many emotions but it always left her feeling hollow inside.
"He's dead Harry." She said softly and all three sets of eyes widened and snapped to hers.
"When I told you he was crazy I was being honest. After that night I had a massage scheduled before I left for my house in France." She stared and she could see in their change of expressions they remembered this well.
"I saw Marielle twice a month at least, sometimes more. She was amazing and really helped me to relax. I trusted her to get me feeling back to rights again after I had been so wound up." She cleared her throat that was getting thick with emotions.
"I didn't even know what was happening at first." She shook her head slightly. "I should have put it together faster, being the so-called brightest witch of the age, but I didn't. The tea that tasted slightly off, the way she hummed when she never had before, the way her fingers didnt dig in to massage but more like stroked my skin." She was shaking now and looked up startled when a warm hand grabbed her fist and Remus was sitting beside her. His lupine senses must have picked up on the anxiety pouring out of her.
"He had used my design idea from the Carrow witches transformation to create a potion that mimics the imperious curse. I was so deep under it that I couldn't fight him off for the longest time, and when I could it was only enough to not be pliable to him. He was so delusional he thought if I just gave in, if I just stopped fighting him, I would come to my senses to see that he loved me." She made a disgusted face as she growled out the last sentence, her eyes flashing crimson in her lack of control.
"It wasn't until he grew tired of trying to convince me that he assumed after a few rounds of the cruciatus I would be more susceptible to control. Well, he was wrong, you see I am a natural Occlumens and the pain only assisted me in breaking free from his hold. But to do so I had to let my magic have free reign after spending years trying to control it. It was bad. Thank Merlin that Fenrir came to speak to me and was concerned to find my floo blocked. He had gathered My father and Roddy, Thomas Nott, Snape and Lucius. Theo and Draco were there as well. They were making plans to come figure out what was wrong when Tully came to tell them I was in danger and Crouch had used blood wards to keep her out. By the time they got through my magic was flaring worse than that day in the hospital wing. I had burned the entire room. Fenrir had to bite me in order to break me out of the haze I was in. After the adrenaline ran out I was exhausted, I had nearly depleted my magical core. That's when Theo and Draco swept me off to Greece where I could recuperate. I was under a no magic ban and the old wards of Theo's family home helped me to control the flares from the after effects of the cruciatus." She wiped at her tears.
"My father wanted to know why so he had Lucius and the others investigate. He had been more than obsessed. He had been using the imperius on our classmates all year to get their memories of me, and to have them take photos. Some while I slept, and changed, and even showered. He had been using legitimacy on Thor and Dolly to see their memories of us together. He wrote about them all in his journals as well as what he would do when it was his turn." She shuddered thinking of his sickly hands on her. "That would have been bad enough but they found a flat key for a space in Knockturn. He had even more photos and memories there as well as a polyjuice store and three dead muggles. All young girls my age with similar features. I think he practiced on them before coming after me."
She cleared her throat again while she ran her hands down her arms trying to keep the shivers at bay.
"He was a monster, I know this now. However to rid the world of him I had to become one. I watched Fenrir's memory of when he rushed in the room to save me." She shook her head and gave a self deprecating snort. "I understand now the saying that if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. I can't look in a mirror and see my reflection without seeing the memory of the flames surrounding me, I can feel the heat on my skin, smell the burnt flesh, it lives so deeply in me now. But for the life of me I cannot feel any regret for it. And that is how I know that I became what it tried to fight against."
Remus squeezed her hand reminding her she wasn't alone. She looked up into his soft green eyes and saw understanding there.
"The thing about true monster Hermione is they don't see the change in their reflections. Your humility and your heart put you in a separate category. The world isn't just black or white," He said when Sirius interrupted.
"Nor is it good people and death eaters." He gave her a supportive smile.
"Right." Remus said. "We all have monsters inside of us that we unleash to protect ourselves and those we care about. You are no exception to the rule. You should never regret the fact that you saved yourself from that fate. No one here blames you for it." He patted her on the back when she fell into his arms.
Sirius and Harry left the couch and came over to hold her in a group hug. They all held tight to each other as they processed the overflow of information and emotions around them. Deciding it best to call it a day they made plans to come to Hermione the next day. Being at her house the opportunity to meet with Tom would be on the table should they wish to take it. They had years to go over the whats and whys of Hermione's secrets but time was of the essence when dealing with Dumbledore and a missing Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry and Hermione were due to return to Hogwarts within the week.
She kissed them all on the cheek and returned to her home. Stepping out of the floo she was met with the warm embrace of her two wizards. They had been waiting for her knowing she would need their support whenever she came home. They stood there in silence, arms wrapped around her as she breathed in their calming scent as her magic soothed in their presence. Pulling back from them slightly she gave them a sad smile, feeling the exhaustion overwhelm her from the myriad of emotions she had experienced that day.
"Lets go to bed." She whispered and they nodded following her silently.