Chapter 35: Thursday, May 29, 1980

"A living creature develops a destructive impulse when it wants to destroy a source of danger."

-Wilhelm Reich

"Do you believe in past lives?"

Hermione looked up from the slim black journal she was reading. Her hand still on the parchment she was jotting her notes down on, the fountain pen Draco had gifted her in her hand. She was sat on the floor, her back against the sofa, bits of parchment and textbooks spread over the coffee table as she took down an itemized list of all the exotic and rare ingredients listed in Dolohov's journal. She twisted at her waist, looking over her shoulder at Remus as he laid across the cushions of the sofa.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Hermione asked.

"I've been sleeping all day."

"The moon rises in seven hours, you should be sleeping all day."

"Are you going to answer my question?"

Hermione snorted, rolling her eyes as she set her pen on top the parchment and turned to face him fully, "I guess I've never really thought about it. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, neither of my parents really followed any religion."

"You don't have to follow religion to be spiritual," Remus said, his eyes still closed.

"I'm aware. Do you believe in past lives?"

Remus cracked an eye open, a gold iris stared at her, surveying her for a moment before he closed his eye again, sinking further into the cushions. "I don't know."

"Then why did you ask me?"

"I'm just wondering if it's possible that whoever I was in a past life royally fucked up," Remus muttered. "Because I've been handed shit on a platter and I'm just trying to figure out why."

"Are we in a mood today, then?" Hermione chuckled, scooting toward the end of the sofa where Remus' head laid.

Remus scowled, "My entire body is aching and I've slept for two straight days. Yes. I'm in a mood."

Hermione bit back the urge to laugh at his petulant tone as she ran her fingers through his hair, lightly scraping her nails against his scalp. "Would you like me to get you a pain relief potion?"

"No," Remus said. "There's no point. It'll wear off in twenty minutes. Thirty if I'm lucky."

Hermione pushed up a bit, placing a small peck to Remus' nose. His eyes remained closed as he smiled, chuckling as she moved to kiss the apples of his cheeks and his eyelids.

"I can think of something to take your mind off it," Hermione said, pressing her lips against his jaw.

"Can you, now?"

"Mhm," Hermione hummed, rising to her feet and holding her hand over her lower stomach, muttering the contraception charm. She bent at the waist to kiss him soundly on the mouth, "But you'll have to open your eyes. I'm not sure you'll want to keep them closed."

Remus smirked as he slowly opened his eyes, an eyebrow arched up in question, "No?"

Hermione shook her head, grabbing the hem of the sundress she wore and pulling it over her head in one fell swoop. Remus' eyes dragged over her, staring at her bare chest before roaming lower to the scrap of lace that covered her. He sat halfway up, stretching out to grasp her hips, pulling her on top of him.

"I take it back," Remus said, placing hot open mouthed kisses against her throat.

"Take what back?"

"Having a shitty past life. My past self must have been a saint to get you here."

Hermione tried to laugh, but as she opened her mouth for the sound to escape, Remus gripped her hips, driving his own upward, creating a delicious friction that soaked the lace knickers. Instead of a laugh, a low moan pushed from her throat and Remus sat straight up, yanking his shirt off in the process. He captured her lips with urgency, teeth, tongue, and lips gnashing against her own as his hands roamed over her skin, his fingers dug into the middle of her back, pressing her against his chest.

It was urgent and needy and rough. His teeth nipped the skin beneath her ear, his tongue instantly laving over the flesh. Hermione dragged her nails against his chest, down the toned muscles of his abdomen and stopping at the button on his trousers. Although it had only been a month since the first time they had coupled, Remus moved with expert precision. Hermione buried a laugh that threatened to escape as she realized that Remus really took hold of the whole "practice makes perfect" sentiment when it came to sex. But it wasn't as if she was complaining, in fact, she had found her appetite for him to be rather… insatiable.

Every time Remus touched her, it was with care, with her pleasure in mind. He had never been rough or demanding; but now? The way he held onto her with a grip that she knew would leave marks behind and nibbled at her skin in a way that would show his claim of her for days after… Hermione found she quite liked this side of him. Ferocious and exciting, small growling sounds rumbling from within his chest, a sound she was sure she would take to the grave as the most erotic thing she had ever heard.

Remus gave her a gentle nudge, moving her from his lap as he stood and shoved his trousers and shorts down to the ground, kicking them off to the side. Hermione sat still, staring at him standing before her, naked as the day he was born. Her mouth went dry at the dark look in his gold eyes as they roamed over her, a confident air consuming him she had never seen before.

"Stand up," Remus said.

Hermione smirked and raised a brow, but pushed herself off the sofa, nonetheless.

"I want to.. Will you.. Will you turn around?" The question in his voice gave a little uncertainty to the confidence he had just held moments before. Hermione smiled and turned around, understanding what he was asking. She kneeled on the cushions and pressed her chest against the back of the sofa. She felt the dip as Remus settled behind her, his hands resting on the waistband of her knickers. "How attached to these are you?"

Hermione looked over her shoulder at him, "Not very."

"Oh, thank God!"

Hermione jumped at the sound of the thin fabric ripping, "Was that necessary?"

"Very," Remus left no room for argument when his hand found her center, fingers tracing through her slick coated folds. He groaned, his mouth pressing into the back of her shoulder as he slipped a finger inside of her, "You smell so sweet. I could get drunk off it."

In lieu of a response, Hermione gasped as he pushed another digit into her entrance, crooking his fingers upward and stroking against her. She pushed her hips backward against his hand, biting her lip to stifle the cries that were building in her throat. Just as she felt her walls begin to flutter, clamping around his slender fingers, he pulled away from her. Hermione saw red for a moment, ready to turn around and tell him exactly how angry she would be if he didn't finish the job. As her head turned, her hair falling off her shoulder, Remus sheathed himself inside of her in one quick thrust forward.

"Oh fuck!" Hermione gasped, her nails nearly breaking from the force of being driven into the back of the sofa. The moment he was buried to the hilt inside of her, she felt the dam break, gasping as she crested and fell over the precipice he had left her on when he removed his hand from her.

Remus rocked against her slowly as she rode out the orgasm, her breath finally calming enough for her to catch it. Finally, mercifully, Remus began moving again. This time with far more force than the gentle rolling of his hips he had been doing seconds prior. He set a brutal pace, pulling almost completely out of her heat only to slam back into her. The sounds emitting from his throat were low and growling groans of pleasure. Hermione straightened her arms, locking her elbows as she pushed back against him, crying out with every stroke to the spot deep inside of her.

One hand left her hip and found its way to her hair, twisting into it and pulling her upright, her back flush against his chest as his pace quickened. Hermione found she quite enjoyed the burn of her scalp as Remus' hand fisted into her curls, yanking ever so slightly on the unruly strands to remain in control. His mouth found her neck and his tongue dragged across the juncture of her throat and collarbone, teeth nipping their way up. He pressed a sucking kiss against the scar that lay embedded in her skin beneath her right ear before taking her earlobe between his teeth.

"God, Remus! Yes, yes!" Hermione's screams of pleasure were loud and incoherent as she continued to shout words of praise to Gods she wasn't even sure existed. She could feel the mounting orgasm, nearly able to reach out and touch it.

Remus roughly shoved her back down toward the back of the sofa, the hand that was holding her leaving the flesh of her hip to dip between her thighs, swiping furiously against the aching bundle of nerves. It took all of three seconds for the overload of stimulation to shove her off the mountain, sending her plummeting into her release. Hermione screamed out, her back arching as a hand flew behind her to grab at Remus' side, nails breaking into skin as they dragged over him. She felt his hips stutter, somewhere in the distance of consciousness she heard him swear loudly, his chest falling to her back as his teeth found her shoulder, growling into her skin as he spilled his own release inside of her.

Hermione nearly collapsed against the back of the sofa, her body completely boneless as she panted to catch her breath. Her throat dry and her center aching, a terrible emptiness as Remus pulled away from her, falling onto the cushions beside her in a heap. He reached up and with a gentle pull, she fell atop him, his arms wrapping tightly around her, his face buried into the crook of her neck, pressing soft kisses over the heated lovebites he had just left behind.

As they laid in a heap of sweat soaked limbs, chests heaving to catch their breath, Hermione wondered if when she returned to her own timeline, she would ever be able to have a relationship with another man again. Because as it stood, Remus was effectively ruining her for other men.

Not only was he incredibly intelligent, kind, thoughtful, generous, and funny. But he was physically attractive as well. So tall she could climb like a tree if she wanted to, hair that somehow always managed to be messy but looked as if it had been done on purpose, even though Hermione knew without a doubt it had not. Kind jade eyes set deep into pale skin and framed with thick lashes. His shoulders broad, but not brutish, his frame held with toned, lean muscle… Not to mention the sex. The sex that he had been completely new to experiencing only a month prior, had somehow become the most mindblowing, thought numbing experiences she had ever had.

There was absolutely no way that any other man would ever be able to hold a flame to the man that had his arms wrapped around her this very moment. She felt something in her chest tug, pulling in two very different directions as her eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion of post-coital bliss settling over her.

This was it.

Remus was it for her. And she could never have him. She could never keep him as hers because when all was said and done, they were from two very different timelines, and in her time, Remus Lupin was nowhere to be found. She quickly shoved the thoughts away as the sound of Remus humming filled her ear. In her young life, she had to sacrifice so much, had to store away many of her own wants and needs to better assist others. Here, laying on her sofa with Remus in 1980, she could give in to them, if only for a little while.

Remus did not attend the Order meeting later that night. With it being the full moon, there was always the chance that the meeting wouldn't wrap up in time to see to it that he was safely tucked away in the Shrieking Shack for his transformation. James and Sirius had come with Lily in tow, but had made it clear they would be leaving early if the meeting ran over.

Hermione had been unsurprised to see the Weasley's were not present. With the death of Fabian and Gideon being only a week prior and their funerals set for Saturday, she would have been more shocked to see the redhead couple there. It was also not a surprise to her that Emmaline Vance was not sitting among the Order members. It had been brought to Hermione's attention weeks earlier that Gideon and Emmaline clearly had a close relationship. Though she wasn't completely sure of the nature of it, she could speculate that Emmaline had feelings for the Prewett brother.

It was Peter's presence at the table that had surprised Hermione the most. She knew he was back from whatever assignment he had been on, but she hadn't been expecting to see him at the meeting. She was polite, of course, offering a cordial hello as she took her place beside Lily. But she still couldn't shake the feeling of disdain she held for him. Her attention pulled from the droning of Moody's voice as she looked at the man across from her, perched in a chair next to Sirius. Her mind went back to the strange curse she had found in Dolohov's journal that promised to manipulate the victim's fears.

What was Peter afraid of?

He was unassuming, as far as she could tell. He stayed most quiet, stuttering nervously through any of the questions Moody or Dumbledore directed toward him. He fidgeted restlessly in his seat, his fingers constantly drumming against his propped up leg or twisting in his lap. His eyes seemed to dart around the table, never hovering on one person for too long and then… Then there was the fact that he never once looked at James and Lily. His eyes skated over them, but never rested on the couple. Even when James spoke directly to him, he seemed to look through James.

As peculiar as it seemed, she quickly stamped down the intrigue when she heard Remus' name come from Dumbledore's soft baritone.

"Sorry?" Hermione said, pulling her eyes off of Peter and turning a bit to look at the wizard.

"Get your head out of the clouds Granger! Constant Vigilance!" Moody barked.

"I apologize, my mind was elsewhere," Hermione grumbled, trying to keep the bite from her tone. "Sir, could you repeat your statement?"

"It is understandable that the full moon has stolen some of your focus this evening," Dumbledore said, his thin lips parting into a wry smile as his eyes twinkled with amusement. "I said I believe that Mr. Lupin could be an asset in the search for Marlene McKinnon."

"An asset," Hermione repeated, the word tasting like vinegar on her tongue.

"The rise in the werewolf populace of the surrounding area that Marlene was surveying is… Troublesome. It would be in our best interest to utilize all of our resources. One of which happens to be marked in the same way."

Hermione's gut twisted uncomfortably as Dumbledore spoke. Not even a week prior were two of their own, two highly skilled in combat magic, brutally murdered in the very same area Dumbledore was suggesting Remus walk into. Hermione could feel the blood drain from her face as Dumbledore continued to explain why he thought Remus was the best fit for the assignment.

"He's not even here and you're just going to offer him up?" Sirius said, hit teeth clenched in a way that suggested he was trying very hard to keep his tone even. "You can't just decide for him!"

"I'll go," James said.

"James, no." Lily hissed, turning in her chair toward him. "You can't-

"Remus won't say no," James gave a pointed look to Hermione and then turned his gaze to Sirius. "You know he'd agree to go. He shouldn't go alone."

"I'll go with you," Frank offered.

"Are you both insane?!" Hermione said, ignoring the looks she got from the others at the table. "Both of your wives are very pregnant! If something should happen-

"If something should happen, my child will know that I died doing the right thing! To protect them!" James said, "Remus can't go alone."

"Prongs you can't!" Sirius said, "Listen to Hermione. Do you understand how bloody mental you sound?!"

"I haven't gone on an assignment in months!" James argued.

"With good reason!" Lily said, her temper clearly rising.

"So, what? Because Remus is a werewolf, it's okay for him to risk his life?" James asked, his eyebrow high on his forehead. "Because the last I checked, he's part of the Order, same as all of us. You wouldn't let Peter or Edgar walk in on their own would you?"

"Of course we wouldn't!" Moody said.

"Then I'm going with Remus," James said.

"Fucking hell," Sirius grumbled. "I'm going too."

"No," James said. "You're too attached to Marlene, after what happened last week… We don't know what state she may be in. Sirius you need to stay here."

"Like hell I'm staying behind while you and Remus walk into a death trap!"

Hermione sat back into her chair, shifting uncomfortably as the men argued with one another and anyone else who interjected to offer a different solution. She and Sirius were right; James shouldn't go! There was no reason to frivolously put his life at risk when Lily was due to give birth so soon. She understood that he had been turning down assignments since Lily announced her pregnancy, she understood that he was getting restless and tired of sitting around. But it seemed needless to even entertain the idea of him taking this assignment with Remus. It made far more sense for it to be Sirius that went with him.

After another twenty minutes of James and Sirius arguing furiously with one another, which resulted in Sirius storming out of the house, it was settled. James got his wish and would be accompanying Remus and Ted Tonks to go out next week to search for Marlene. Once the details were ironed out, James said goodbye to everyone, gave Lily a kiss on the forehead and left to go run the Forbidden Forest with Remus under the full moon.

Lily and Hermione used the Floo to go back to Hermione's house. Lily complained that the further along in her pregnancy she got, the more uncomfortable travelling by apparition was, and Hermione couldn't blame her. Lily sat on the sofa and groaned in frustration.

"I swear the man has a death wish!"

"It would seem that way, yes."

"Hermione, do men get any more intelligent in 2001 or do they stay this absolutely dense through the end of time?" Lily asked.

Hermione laughed, using her wand to summon the tea tray over to where they sat. "Unfortunately, no. Men in 2001 still feel the need to martyr themselves and throw themselves into needlessly dangerous situations."

"I just don't understand it! We're about to have a sodding baby! A baby, Hermione! A human child! And he's running into a death pit as if he has nothing to live for!"

Hermione frowned, filling and heating the teapot with her wand before pouring them each a mug and handing one to Lily, "Maybe he's doing it because you're having a baby."

"You think he doesn't want this?" Lily asked, suddenly horrified.

"No!" Hermione said, quickly trying to correct herself. "No, that's not what I meant! I mean to say that perhaps he feels that by doing something more productive, he's creating a better world for your baby to live in."

"You're literally from the future, Hermione. Does it work?"

Hermione bit into her lip, "I can't-

"Oh, I know! You can't say!" Lily huffed, "I know. I just… He's being so thoughtless. I know he would do anything for the Order, but that's the problem, isn't it? It's not just us anymore!"

Hermione sighed, allowing silence to settle between them as her thoughts reeled. Because Lily was right, wasn't she? James— Remus and Sirius too, for that matter, they would do anything for the Order, anything they were asked. And they would do so gladly. Hermione understood Lily's frustration because she too, felt irritated with the thought of it. Remus would willingly risk his life, run off into what was sure to be a goddamn suicide mission, simply because Dumbledore thought of him as an asset.

A memory slammed into the forefront of her mind, of being sixteen and staying in Grimmauld place with the Order, listening to them talk quietly amongst themselves, unaware that Hermione was out of bed and had slipped the opposite end of an extendable ear beneath the door. She had sat quietly, listening to Sirius and Remus talk about infiltrating Werewolf dens again, as Remus had done the first time around.

"I was almost killed." Remus had said, "I had to do horrible things!"

"I'm sorry to ask this of you again, my friend. But we have no other options," Dumbledore had replied.

Even at sixteen, the thought of Remus walking into a dangerous situation was sickening to Hermione, but he had done it before. Now?

I was almost killed, I had to do horrible things!

Hermione closed her eyes, taking in a slow, shaking breath. She would have to witness the fears from his past as they happened in their present. She would have to standby and let Remus go into these horrible assignments, knowing that he would not come out unscathed.

As Lily rested her head on Hermione's shoulder and grabbed her hand, locking their fingers together, Hermione felt her stomach drop to the floor.

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a/n Thank you for reading! Please remember to leave a review! :) All my love to my amazing alpha Mayghaen17. Also, come join me on fb Mimifreed Writing.

See you thursday!

xo