January, 2001

The Magic Box closed early on Mondays. The front was locked up, outside the sun was setting, and Buffy was sitting alone at the research table. She was supposed to be reading about the history of krav maga, but she was tired. Instead she was watching Giles go over receipts.

She had had a day. She had had a few months worth of days.

She got up from the table and wandered over to the counter.

"I need a break," she sighed. "Wanna buy me dinner?"

"Oh." Giles looked up from his receipts, thought about it for a second. "Okay."

"Thai sound good?"

After a couple of days adjustment to the idea of being in love with each other, the reality that it didn't make a difference set in, and Buffy and Giles had settled into normal interactions. Buffy still caught Giles looking at her too fondly now and then, but it was a nice reminder that he was still in love with her, even if it would be too strange to ever do anything about that.

But now Riley was gone, and Buffy was lonely, and she had asked Giles to dinner. It wasn't a date, she told herself. She was just curious what it would be like if they did date, if it would really be so strange after all.

The restaurant was nice, it wasn't fine dining, but it was a step up from a family place. The walls were covered in intricate art pieces and light fixtures of mosaiced coloured glass hung from the ceiling, they cast a dim, warm light, augmented by tealights on the tables.

"Okay, ground rules for dinner," Buffy said after they were seated. "This is a break, so no shop talk."

"I don't think the remainder of my conversation will last us through the salad."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You just got back from England, you must have done something interesting there."

"You've known me for four years, what makes you think I do anything interesting?"

Buffy laughed.

When the server took their order Giles ordered a glass of wine with his dinner.

"I'll have the same," Buffy added casually.

Giles raised his eyebrows at her.

"You're not going to narc on me, are you?" Buffy asked when the server left.

"No," Giles replied, though he still looked disapproving.

"Come on, if anyone ever needed a drink, it's me."

"Just don't make a habit of it."

Buffy wasn't used to drinking, she had to make an effort not to purse her lips at the slight alcoholic burn of the wine, and it went straight to her head. Which was actually what she wanted. It made her feel light, like a relief.

Despite his earlier reticence, Giles took on the task of distracting and entertaining Buffy and told stories about his life in England throughout dinner, his eyes getting more animated as he talked. Buffy liked watching him.

"Thanks for dinner," Buffy said after Giles had paid the bill. "I'll walk you home?"

"Sure." Giles smiled.

The stars seemed to stand out more than usual in the black sky, and the night air was crisp. Buffy kept close to Giles as they walked, she felt warmer when she was near him. She felt like where she was supposed to be.

"This was fun," Buffy said as they reached Giles' door.

"Yes, we should do it again." He gave Buffy one of his too-fond looks.

Buffy smiled. "Yeah..." She stepped close to him, tilted her head up and looked at him expectantly.

"Oh!" Giles said, suddenly concerned and taking a step back. "Uh, was this a date?"

Buffy shrugged, self-conscious. "I dunno, but it went well, didn't it?"

Giles paced away from her, running a hand through his hair.

"Giles, you still want me, don't you?"

He turned around and his eyes flickered over her. "I do, Buffy," he said softly and carefully. "But we don't work together."

"I thought we were working kinda well just now."

"What would you tell your friends and family about us?"

"Nothing."

"You want to lie?"

"What is there to tell them? That we're spending time together? We always do that. We're just… changing up what we do when we're together."

He looked unconvinced.

"Giles... I keep thinking about when you kissed me. I wanna do that again, but I want to be me this time."

"And you won't be thinking about Riley?"

Buffy blinked, taken aback. "What?"

"Buffy, you're emotionally vulnerable right now, and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of that."

"Right... right. I'm vulnerable. And you're the adult here. You know what's best."

"I'm just trying to do the right thing, Buffy."

"Of course you are. I'll just go..." and she walked off into the night, leaving Giles to wonder what he should have done differently.

Buffy was late for training the next day. When she did come in Giles noticed she was avoiding looking at him. He didn't know if she was embarrassed or angry at him. He wanted to make things right with her though.

"Um... I'm sorry about last night," he said when they were alone in the training room.

"We don't have to talk about it," she said, still not looking at him. "It was my bad. A lapse in judgement."

Buffy knew Giles had been right, actually. She was rebounding. And she didn't want to make Giles rebound-guy.

She turned to him, a smile plastered on her face. "We're good."

The way his eyes searched her face she could tell he didn't quite believe her, though he smiled anyways. As usual his smile made her heart skip a little. It would be easier to not want to make him rebound-guy if he didn't do that. And if he wasn't so tall. And if she didn't think about running her fingers through his hair when he stood close to her… God it was stupid to feel like this and not be able to do anything about it.

Giles put on his boxing pads. "Let's start then," he said.

She landed a punch on his left hand pad with enough force that he stumbled back a little, his eyes wide with shock.

Buffy cringed. "Sorry."

"No, no. I'm fine… We're good?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah. Sorry." Buffy repeated.

"Just have to correct my stance," he said, shaking his arm out. But he looked anxious as he faced off with her again.

Buffy tried to dial it back as she resumed the boxing set.

Giles is right, she repeated to herself. If they did do something about their feelings she would want to keep it secret, and that would be bad. That would be the definition of a bad relationship choice. She should make better relationship choices. She should find a nice, normal guy and then ruin his life with her drama and dangerous secret life and why shouldn't she date her Watcher anyhow?

"Uh, let's take a break," Giles said suddenly.

"Okay." Buffy nodded and went to find her water bottle.

Giles exhaled as she walked away. His hands were stinging. He felt like he must have made a mistake.

No, he reassured himself, he had done the right thing. Buffy would realize that. Eventually she would realize that. He was being responsible, he was putting a lot of effort into being responsible. When he looked at Buffy he felt like it would be far too easy to stop being responsible, and when he thought of the way she had looked up at him under the stars a part of him regretted that he hadn't made a mistake with Buffy the night before.

A week later the Council arrived, not to help with the omnipresent threat of Glory, it turned out, but to put more obstacles in Buffy's way.

After their first meeting with Travers and the Council, Buffy and Giles stayed late at the Magic Box, commiserating in the dark. The only light in the shop came from the research table they were sitting at together.

As if it wasn't enough that the Council was keeping secret the information Buffy needed to protect Dawn, they were threatening to take Giles away.

"They picked the perfect thing," Buffy sighed. "I can't lose you."

Giles met her gaze, his eyes full of concern.

"Thank you," he said, but he made it sound like "I love you."

Buffy gently took his hand in hers. She half expected him not to let her and to draw away, but he squeezed her hand back. Buffy's heart quickened just a little. The way he was looking at her, his eyes travelling over her face and lingering on her lips, she thought he might kiss her.

"I never actually told you I love you, did I?" she whispered.

"You never needed to."

"But I should. Just in case."

He smiled gently, but he didn't kiss her. Of course he didn't. They remained as they were, two people on opposite sides of a circle of light, surrounded by darkness.

Later, they left the Magic Box together and walked down Main Street, past darkened shops and under flickering street lights.

Buffy noticed Giles frequently turning to look at her.

"You really have to stop looking at me like that."

"I'm sorry?"

"I can't go on like this, Giles. This chaste little game of googly eyes, it's pointless." She sounded more pleading than frustrated.

Giles stopped walking. "I'm sorry," he said seriously, his brow knit. "I'm trying. I'm just trying to do what's best."

Buffy turned to him. "Maybe what's best is to love me."

"I do love you," he said, his voice low.

She stepped closer and looked up at him. "Then do something about it."

"It's because I love you that I don't." Giles spoke haltingly, like he was trying very hard to stay calm and in control. "I don't want to make your life harder, you deserve better, you—"

Suddenly Buffy kissed him, she stood on her toes and kissed him briefly but assuredly. And he forgot everything he was saying.

"Check it out," she said softly.

"What?" he asked, very lost.

"The world didn't end."

She pulled gently on his jacket, pulling him close. He didn't stop her, and she kissed him again.

"And hey. You didn't ruin my life."

Like he was giving up he kissed her back. He kissed her back and it made her head swim.

"In fact," she murmured in between kisses, "I think my life is getting better."

"Oh good."

He wrapped his arms around her, his fingers tangled in her hair, holding her close, Buffy felt something surge in her, nothing mattered that was outside the circle of light cast by the streetlamp where he was kissing her.

Eventually she pulled back ever so slightly. "I'll walk you home?" she asked.

"That's a bad idea." He seemed serious, but even as he spoke his resolve melted away.

Buffy smiled at him. "The best bad idea."

But it was a while until they moved from under the streetlamp.