After the fire, things were very different for Eliza at Lallybroch.
Since that night, Jenny had become a whole new person towards Eliza. She was constantly seeking out Eliza's company, telling her stories of their life at Lallybroch, asking Eliza to share stories of her own. She even had her moved into the GRAND guest room, which just happened to be right across from Jamie's room. Pure coincidence, Jenny had said.
Eliza had started helping her out with the daily chores. Of course, she had no idea what she was doing, she could barely do her laundry in the twentieth century, doing it now seemed impossible to her. But Jenny was patient and showed her all of the steps. She also showed Eliza how to tend to the garden, something she had never done before.
To Eliza's surprise, she actually found herself liking the domesticity of it all. She liked doing something with her hands that didn't involve violence. It was nice and it made her feel useful, but there was something missing.
—
The men of Lallybroch had immediately set to work to rebuild the barn. Jamie had taken lead on it, of course. He had felt odd and out of place when he and Eliza had first arrived home. His nieces and nephews barely recognized him and he was unsure of his role since he had given away his lairdship. But after the fire, when Eliza had started to fit in, he felt himself fitting right back in as well.
He was in the middle of writing out different tasks for each man to do, when a shadow came over his desk.
"And what will my task be, Locklylack?"
Jamie looked up at Eliza with a smile. "What do ye mean, lass?"
She looked at him with a bit of impatience, "I mean that I want a task to do, to help build the barn."
He frowned then. "The men are doin that, lass. The women usually do the cleaning and the cooking, while we build stuff, fix things up. I ken it's different in yer time, but this is how we do it here."
"But I'm not like the women here, James."
He sighed softly and put his pencil down.
"I ken, Buff, I ken... but if the people were to see ye doing men's work, like say liftin' things heavier than ye, it would...raise suspicion, ye ken?"
"Well, I'll just tell them that I'm strong because I grew up doing things like that and I won't lift anything heavier than me. I wouldn't want to ruin your manly egos and all that." She said with a grin.
"Buffy, I don't think that would work. I ken ye want to help and I appreciate it, but...Do ye no like helping out Jenny wit the chores? Ye dinna have to do that if ye dinna want to."
"No, no, I DO like helping Jenny. A lot actually. She's been great. Really great. I've never done this before, you know. I've never had to do chores and all that, I didn't really have time...with all of the slaying."
His eyes softened, "So, why do ye wanna work on the barn if ye like doin the house things?"
"I don't know. I just.." She turned away from him then and started pacing the length of the study. "I wasn't made for this. I wasn't made to do the laundry, to cook. I wasn't meant to have a home like this. To have a family, a husband." She turned back to him then, her gaze penetrating him.
"This all just feels...wrong somehow. I was meant for ambush tactics, beheading, hunting, violence, a short life span. You know, most slayers don't even make it to the age of eighteen. I'm practically ancient for a slayer." She laughed humorlessly. "I just...feel so lost. Like I have no purpose anymore."
Jamie's heart clenched at that and his hand closed into tight fists.
"Ye always do that."
She looked up surprised, "Do what?"
"Ye speak of yerself like being the slayer is all that ye are."
"But it is what I am."
"Aye, but it's no the only thing... ye are so much more. Ye can do anything ye want, lass. Be anything ye want."
"I don't know what I want anymore, James." She sighed.
He watched her from across the room. He felt helpless at seeing her so lost, when a thought occurred to him.
"Buffy, when ye first came here and realized where ye were. Did ye...did ye try to find a way back?"
She looked at him with wide eyes, unprepared for the subject change. "Of course, I did. I hunted down every self proclaiming witch, demon ,shaman that I could find. None of them could help me...Why do you ask?"
He looked deep in thought. "Well, maybe...what if ye could go back?"
"What? How?"
"The stones. The ones that Claire went through. Maybe ye could go through them."
Eliza shook her head in disbelief.
"But... but you said that they didn't work for everyone, you even tried and it didn't work."
He nodded solemnly, "Aye, but it's worked for others, it COULD work for ye."
She looked at him flabbergasted. "James. Where is this even coming from?"
"Well, I was just thinkin' if ye were no happy here, then maybe there was a way ye could get home or at least ye could go to a different time."
She was once again touched at his thoughtfulness. And she did think about it. When James first told her about Claire traveling through time. Could the stones work for her too? She didn't think so and even if they did, she had no idea where they would take her. Claire had ended up in a random time, two hundred years from her time. The same thing could happen to her and she would be in an even bigger mess.
"James. I don't want to go to a different time period and I never said I wasn't happy, all I said was that I wanted to help you build the barn." She said gently.
"But I dinna ken how that is better than doin the laundry?"
She looked at him amused, "Because I don't get to spend time with you when I'm doing the laundry."
"Oh." The tips of his ears turned pink. He had felt sick to his stomach when he suggested that she try the stones to go home. He hated the thought of her leaving, but he found that he hated the thought of her being unhappy even more.
"Well, I spose ye could come help me cut down the wood, but we will no do it out in the open for anyone to see."
She smiled, "Yes sir." As she went to leave, his soft voice stopped her.
"Ye dinna have to stay here if ye dinna want to, ye ken. Just say the word and I'll take ye to the stones." He said softly.
"I ken...I'll see you tomorrow, Locklylack."
—
The next few weeks, Eliza found herself really enjoying her life at Lallybroch. She spent her early mornings with Jamie, helping him do the 'manly' things when no one was around.
She spent the rest of her days with Jenny, doing the daily chores. She had gotten comfortable there, she really started to feel like she was fitting in, like she had a place she belonged. But there was another part of her that yearned to be out on the road, to be looking for danger so that she could slay it. She tried to shut off that part of her the best she could.
—-
"Ye ken that Hogmanay is in a couple of days, lass?"
Eliza and Jamie were sitting at the creek together. The barn had been completed the day before and they were enjoying a moment where they could actually relax.
"Hogmanay? What's that?" Eliza asked, her nose scrunching up in that way that Jamie found adorable.
"Ye dinna have Hogmanay in the future? It's a big celebration on the last day of every year. It was always my favorite day, growin' up. Jenny's been plannin fer it fer weeks."
"Oh! Yes, yes, we have that, but we call it New Years Eve."
"Aye." Jamie nodded. "I havena been home fer it in a long time and I think Jenny is a lil over excited about it."
"I see and what exactly do you do on this Hagminny?"
Jamie laughed, now being used to her mispronunciations, he was even starting to find it cute. God, help him.
"Hogmanay, lass. Well, we do what ye normally do when ye celebrate. Drink of course. Have a fine feast. Dancing. And then there's the first foot."
"What's the first foot?"
"It's when ye go to someone's home and be the first guest of the year, it's spose to be good luck. But I canna ever be the first foot though." He ducked his head down with a twinge of sadness in his voice.
"Why?"
"It's...it's bad luck fer a red haired man to be the first foot."
She laughed, but then stopped when she realized he wasn't kidding. "Are you serious?"
He nodded. "Oh aye, verra serious, they say red heads bring terrible luck."
"Uh huh, and what about blondes?"
"Och! They bring no luck at all." He smiled at her cheekily then.
"Hey!" She bumped him with her shoulder, using just a teeny bit of slayer strength.
"Oh! Dinna shoot the messenger, lass!...What about yer...New Years eve? What do ye do?"
"Well, the same thing, people party all night and drink and dance. We don't do that first feet thing though, we actually have a different tradition." She didn't continue, feeling nervous for some reason.
"And what tradition is that, Buff?"
"Well, there's usually a countdown to midnight, you start at ten and then when you reach one, you kiss someone."
"Kiss?" Jamie asked, surprised by that.
"Yes, I think it's supposed to bring good luck or something for the new year."
"I see. And it doesna matter who ye kiss?"
"Usually it would be your significant other, but if you didn't have one then you'd kiss a stranger or just be depressed and lonely all night, I suppose."
"And did ye do that? Kissed a stranger?"
"Me? No, no, no. I didn't usually go to New Years parties, I was always busy." She said, wistfully.
"Saving the world?"
She smiled and looked at him coyly, "Sometimes."
Jamie took a moment and just looked at her. He found her so fascinating. She was a true warrior, a much better one than himself. She was selfless and honorable, a hero. Not to mention how beautiful she was. After she saved Ian from the fire, his feelings for her had grown exponentially. And there was something about when he was near her, he felt this...connection. Something he had only felt when he was with Claire. He had a feeling that she felt it too, based off that kiss all those weeks ago.
He had meant it when he said he didn't deserve her, that she needed someone better than him. But the more time he spent with her, the more time he got to know the real her,the harder it was for him to fight his feelings. He was in love with Buffy Summers and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to change it.
Before giving himself a chance to think about it, he reached out and grabbed her tiny hand, holding it between his large ones. He saw the look of surprise in her eyes, her quick intake of breath, but she didn't move.
"Buffy, there's somethin that I-"
"James Fraser! Just what do ye think yer doin? Sittin about on yer arse when there's work to be done." They were interrupted by his sister's shrill voice.
"Och! Jenny! The barn is done! Dinna ye think I should have a wee bit of rest after that?" He yelled back at her as she approached the creek, hands on her hips.
"No, brathair. I need the fence mended and painted before the party. We dinna want the people to think a bunch of lazy wallopers live here."
Jamie sighed, knowing that he was defeated. With one last regretful look at Eliza, he let go of her hand and got up and made his way back towards the house.
Jenny watched the exchange with knowing eyes. She sat down in Jamie's place.
"Ye ken, I'm actually glad that we have a moment to talk, Eliza."
Eliza looked over at her, surprised. She was still thinking about whatever just happened with Jamie. One minute they were just sitting and talking like always and then the next, something switched in him, she could feel his nervousness. Whatever he was going to say was important, but now she was afraid she would never hear it.
Trying to push her curiosity aside, she focused on Jenny.
"What did you want to talk about, Jenny?"
"Actually, I wanted to apologize to ye."
"Apologize? What on earth do you need to apologize for?"
"The way I was, when ye first got here." Jenny replied, ducking her head down in shame.
"Jenny...you don't have to apologize-"
"No, no, no I was cruel to ye and it was no fair to ye. I just... the last time Jamie brought a girl home, she was...well she became family. Not only did Jamie love her, but I loved her. She became like a sister to me and then she...she died. And I was devastated." Jenny's voice started to shake as she spoke, she took a moment to compose herself. "And when I saw ye with Jamie, and I saw the way ye looked at each other. I just felt like he was tryna replace her with ye and it just made me so upset. I'm sorry, Eliza. I dinna ken if I should even be tellin ye this, if Jamie would even want me to-"
Eliza reached over and grabbed her hand. "It's okay. Jamie told me all about Claire."
Jenny looked at her with surprise, "He did?"
She nodded, "Yes. And I know how important she is-was to him. I would never try to take her place, Jenny. And besides, Jamie and I are just friends."
Jenny rolled her eyes then and scoffed. "Please, Eliza. Ye dinna have to lie to me. After gettin to know ye these past few weeks, I actually think that ye and Jamie are perfect for each other. Since ye two have been here, he seems verra happy. I havena seen him smile so much in..well ever, actually."
Eliza laughed somewhat uncomfortably. "That's nice, Jenny, but you're way off base. James and I are friends, nothing more."
"Uh huh. Sure ye are." Jenny said, smiling.
Eliza sighed. "Well, there may have been a..moment on the way here, where I kissed him and-"
Jenny gasped, "I knew it! I knew it! See! Ye dinna have-"
"Jenny! Jenny! You didn't let me finish!" She scolded her gently.
Jenny ducked her head, "Sorry, continue, continue!"
"So, I kissed him, but he made it quite clear that we couldn't be anything more than friends."
Jenny nodded, deep in thought and then said, "Well, I dinna ken if ye know this, but my brother is an idiot."
Eliza laughed. "Jenny. We BOTH agreed that it would be better that way... If we did become...romantically involved. It would just make things way too complicated. Besides relationships never end well for me anyways."
"Och! So ye're both idiots then."
"Jenny!" Eliza looked at her with shock.
"Okay, okay. My brother, he deserves to be happy and I think ye do too. But if ye two wanna sit around and pretend like ye're not madly in love with each other then I canna stop ye." Jenny then got up and started to head back towards the house.
"Thanks Jenny...I think." Eliza called out to her.
"Anytime, Eliza, anytime."
—
A few days later, Hogmanay was in full swing at Lallybroch. Eliza found herself standing in the main room, surrounded by Scots merrily singing and sloshing their whiskey about. There was a magical feeling in the air. It was quite beautiful.
She watched as Jenny danced with Ian, laughing together. She couldn't help but smile at them. She had grown close to them in the few months she had been at Lallybroch. After losing everything she knew when she jumped into that portal, she never thought that she would find a place that felt like Sunnydale, like home.
As she took in the rest of the guests dancing and having a good time, she couldn't help but feel disappointed at the absence of a certain red head. After her conversation with Jenny, she couldn't help but wonder if she was right. Did Jamie really care for her in that way?
Did she even care for him in that way?
Yes, of course she did, who was she trying to fool. After Angel, she never thought that she would meet anyone that made her feel that way again. That made her feel like they were the only two people in the world and the lights dimmed everywhere else.
She wanted to talk to him tonight, to ask him straight out, how he felt about her, if what Jenny said was true. But after their one embarrassing yet incredible kiss, she was terrified that he would reject her again. She knew that it was different now since he knew who she really was, since she bared her soul to him and-
"Pardon me, belle femme?"
Eliza thoughts were interrupted by a familiar French voice.
"Fergus! Hello. My, don't you look handsome."
The young man blushed furiously.
"Thank you, mademoiselle. I was hoping that you would dance with me?"
Eliza had a feeling that he may have developed a little crush on her. He always tended to be around and call her little French names. It seemed harmless so far, but she always did get a little flashback of Xander when he smiled at her. She wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or a good thing.
She shrugged her shoulders and nodded at him. What the hell? It was a party and just one little dance.
◦He took her hand and they slowly got into the rhythm of the upbeat music and tried to keep up with everyone else. It wasn't before long they were laughing at themselves and just enjoyed the music.
The music abruptly changed and turned into a slow song. Eliza watched the couples get closer together. Fergus shyly put his arm around her shoulder and gently swayed them to the beat of the song. She could see him blushing again, but ignored it and let him lead the dance.
It wasn't long before a hand tapped on Fergus' shoulder.
"Pardon me, a bhailach, but I was hopin I could dance wit our bonny Lady, here."
"Oh! Oui! Milord, but of course. Thank you, Lady Eliza." Fergus kissed her hand and bowed slightly and then drifted away into the crowd.
Jamie then bowed and offered her his hand. She smiled at him and took it. He then wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her close. He rested his head on top of hers and effortlessly waltzed around the room with her. It was an entirely different experience than dancing with Fergus, not to mention how much bigger Jamie was. She hadn't felt so safe in her life. She sighed in content and let Jamie lead her around the dance floor.
"I think the wee lad is in love wit ye, ye ken?" He said softly to her after a few moments.
Eliza shook her head in disbelief, but didn't stop dancing.
"He is NOT in love with me, maybe he has a little crush, but it's not a big deal."
Jamie chuckled softly. "I dinna ken what a crush is, but ye better be careful before he proposes to ye." He said cheekily.
Eliza shoved his chest not too gently. He groaned at the slight pain. "He is not going to propose, James, you're being ridiculous. Besides he seems like he's already moved on from me just fine."
She nodded her head towards Fergus who was now dancing with a pretty blonde girl, who had a huge smile on her face.
James nodded, "Oh aye, I suppose he has. Well, that's a good thing fer me then."
Eliza pulled back slightly so she could look up at his face, "What do you mean for you?"
He stared down at her, like he was mesmerized by her, "It means less competition fer me, ye ken?"
Eliza shook her head in confusion. "No, I don't KEN James. Less competition for what?"
"Fer yer heart."
She swore that her heart stopped and she forgot how to breathe in that moment, but by some miracle she was still able to remain standing. Was he really saying what she was hoping he was saying?
"James, what are you talking about?"
He took a deep breath. After the other day, he had decided that it was time for him to tell her how he really felt. He had spent the whole day going over his speech in his head, trying to come up with the perfect words. But standing there with her in his arms, he found himself lost in her eyes, forgetting everything he had practiced.
He slowly lowered his head and leaned into her, his lips searching for hers. He was centimeters away when he heard a voice that he never thought he would hear again.
"JAMIE FRASER! Is that really ye?"
His heart dropped and he sighed deeply, not only frustrated by the interruption, but by who was interrupting him. He gritted his teeth and with an apologetic look towards Eliza he turned to the intruder.
"Laoghaire."