AN: Hello & welcome to another week. I cross post this fic to AO3, and I know I've mentioned this over there, but I'm not sure I've said it over here: just remember that things will get worse before they get better (and they will eventually get better).
.***.***.***.***.
Brixie intently inspected the leaves of a bush as part of a painfully obvious attempt at pretending that she hadn't heard Lori.
"Brixie," Lori wasn't going to drop the conversation that easily, "just hear me out. And you can stop pretending to look at the plant, it's not edible."
The two of them had gone out to forage for food. The stores were running slightly too low for comfort, and Lori had been itching for something to do besides. Brixie had been more than happy to tag along, having a rare moment where no one was in need of medical attention.
Knowing that she had been caught, he young medic wavered before stepping back from the shrub, "well, would you look there, that's not the berry bush I thought it was."
Lori fought not to tap an impatient foot or to roll her eyes. Her plans for slipping away from the Resistance had been foiled time and time again, mostly by the well-meaning medic. Having exhausted her options for sneaking around, Lori decided to try the direct route, though Brixie wasn't making that easy either.
"Just listen for a minute," Lori stepped between Brixie and a curtain of vines, "Brix, I know you think I should stay here. And I'm thankful for all the help, really I am. But a secret base in the middle of a jungle planet is no place for me to raise Ardis."
Brixie stopped on the trail, looking at the forest floor rather than at Lori.
Taking the lack of a clumsy attempt to change the subject as a sign of progress, Lori went on, "We're parsecs away from the nearest inhabited planet, what happens when something goes wrong?
It took her a moment, but Brixie found the nerve to look up, "Nothing is going to happen. And if it does, I can help."
Lori reined in her frustration so that it came across as something a little softer, "I know you can. But some problems can't be fixed in the backwoods. We need supplies, medical and otherwise. Hell, we're out here foraging for food. What happens if Ardis gets sick? We don't have any medicine out here."
"We can find supplies," the medic offered, "Lex is out on a scouting mission right now! And, I'm sure some of these plants have medicinal properties…"
Lori huffed and shifted her stance to settle in for a longer conversation. She wasn't about to give Brixie an out by moving on, "Some of them might, but I don't want to trust maybes and hopefullys. I'm not saying I want everyone to move to Corascant, I just want to go… I don't know, somewhere. Somewhere with a little town, just big enough to stay anonymous in, but not so big that it attracts anyone's attention."
"That sounds like Bastion," Brixie spoke quickly now, as if she were trying to get her words out before the rest of her could convince her to stop talking, "Or Dantooine. The First Order found you once, it's not safe out there."
"That was a fluke," Lori tried to redirect the conversation, "and right now, I'd bet that all of the First Order's resources are going into finding this rebel camp."
"I…" Brixie started before realizing that she didn't have a rebuttal, "maybe."
Lori didn't gloat, but she did have a hand on her hip and a you-know-I'm-right look on her face, "And Ardis should be around kids her age," Lori put on a sad half smile and made a small attempt at a joke, mostly to try and ease Brixie away from being so guarded, "I'm starting to worry that she thinks she's a little lizard."
"I wouldn't go that far," Brixie accepted the olive branch.
"I dunno, she bit Mitaka's finger yesterday."
Chuckling slightly at the idea, Brixie tried to carry on with the lighter conversation, "Are you sure leaving him on babysitting duty was a good idea?"
Lori shrugged, remembering not to comment that he had done the job before, "What's the worst that could happen? Besides, Dak is watching the both of them."
"You left Dak in charge?" Brixie held onto a little bit of humor, but was genuinely concentered.
"Of course not. I'm not that bad a judge of character."
A light breeze rattled the leaves. It seemed a natural place to move on with their search for food, but Lori hadn't forgotten that she was trying to convince Brixie that she and Ardis should leave Ajan Kloss.
"And, I am serious about what I said earlier. Ardis and I should move on."
Brixie once again looked down, searching for a reason to tell Lori that she was wrong, but finding none, "but, it's dangerous."
"Everywhere is dangerous, Brix. Including here."
"I… I could go with you. Just for a little while. You know, just until you find somewhere to settle down."
It was obvious to Lori that Brixie's fearful attachment came from losing all but a few of the people she had come to call family. That fear was only made worse from thinking that she had failed Lori once before.
Lori would have liked to pretend that she was trying to keep the medic away for some altruistic reason. That she was trying to keep Brixie away from the lie she had told. That she was trying to keep the medic out of what might turn into a deadly situation if she reacted poorly to the reality of the situation. Lori even had to admit to herself that she had genuinely come to appreciate Brixie's compassion and dedication. But, she also had to acknowledge that her main motivation for keeping the medic away was pure convenience. That it would be marginally more difficult to get back to Armitage with the medic in tow.
"Thank you," Lori began, "but they need you here more than I do."
.***.***.***.***.
A month after high command had been dissolved, General Hux was still a dead man walking. Burnt out, a tired husk of the man he had once been, he didn't even have a dream of conquest to cling to. As empty as the invasions of Tah'Nuhna and Mon Cala were, they were something to hold on to. Some amount of power to relish.
Now, Hux was meandering through a hangar bay, inspecting a squadron of TIEs that had just returned from a scouting mission.
The job should have belonged to a lieutenant, or maybe a captain, not a senior officer. Certainly not the flag officer of the ship where the TIEs had landed. They weren't even native to the Finalizer. These TIEs had only stopped to refuel, ultimately being bound for Admiral Griss's fleet.
The general huffed as he finished downloading the transponder logs from the lead ship.
The TIEs were part of Kylo Ren's precious task force. They had been traipsing around the outer rim, this squadron in particular had been headed by Ushar Ren. A brute wielding a club, Hux only knew the man so much as to know that he loathed him.
The datapad in the general's hand pinged as it finished its download. Unsurprisingly, the TIEs hadn't recorded anything relevant to the hunt for Palpatine. Even more predictably, it looked like their logs hadn't been cleared in more than twice the time that was regulation.
Typically, a TIEs transponder logs were supposed to be cleared and recorded in a database once a month. Partially to keep its onboard computers clear of extraneous data, and also to protect information about the First Order's patrol routes, should the ship ever be shot down and its computers recovered by an enemy.
Irritated at the oversight, Hux ejected the storage chip which held the freshly downloaded information from the data pad. He may have been ordered to go about the menial task of inspecting the TIEs, but simple data entry was still beneath him. Meaning to give the task to some lower ranking officer, Hux cast a tired eye around the hangar bay.
Seeing no one in the cavernous room, he huffed before sliding the data chip into a pocket. He would find someone else later, but for now he did have to finish his inspection.
.***.***.***.***.
"You sure you want to do that?" Dak sat on a stack of boxes while he judged every move Mitaka made.
The former lieutenant offered Ardis a slice of fruit. Remembering last time, he made a point to try to get the infant to pick up the treat with her hand rather than eat it straight out of his.
"I'm sure she didn't bite me on purpose."
Upon hearing the word bite Ardis made an exaggerated chomping motion.
Misunderstanding and taking it as a sign that she wanted the food, Mitaka offered the purple fruit to the little girl once again.
She looked down at the offering, only to shake her head no. The motion was so forceful that she lost her balance and rolled over to the side. Finding some fun in the sudden movement, Ardis uncoordinatedly tried to roll along the floor, laughing like a mad woman as she went.
Almost as amused by the situation as Ardis was, Dak shouted an encouragement from the side, "Look at her go! Quicker than a varactyl!"
Mitaka stood from his crouch, shaking his head and speaking to Dak, "Don't encourage her. She needs to learn to sit down for a proper meal time."
"They sure don't raise you to know how to have fun on them First Order ships, do they?"
Mitaka gave Dak a look that was far less intimidating than he would have liked.
Dak got the gist of the unsaid insult and made a point to ignore Mitaka's mood, "Just sit back and live a little. She'll eat when she's hungry."
Sighing in resignation, Mitaka ate the fruit that he had been offering to the child. "Fine, but when Lori asks why she returned to find Ardis unfed, I'll point her in your direction."
Dak was about to comment that that was a dirty move when he was interrupted by a voice from the edge of the clearing
"Point who in Dak's direction?" Lori stepped out of the brush, Brixie by her side, their packs overfilled with freshly picked fruits and vegetables.
It was Mitaka's turn to say nothing as he pointedly looked to Dak.
"Lori," Dak began with a purposefully jovial tone, "you got back quick."
"Sure did. Now what all were y'all up to?"
"Oh, nothing much. Just watching the kid, she's getting to be a handful."
"Uh-huh. Well, I'll be taking my handful back now. I'm sure you've got better things to do."
Brixie heard the overprotective edge to Lori's words, and was quick to step in. "I'll take your pack to the food stores. Dak, why don't you go see if Kaydel wants to cook tonight. I love Klaude, but I can't have another pot of his mystery stew."
Wanting a moment to talk to Lori undisturbed, Mitaka joined in, "That sounds like a wonderful idea. I think Kaydel was near the armory."
"Well, since you know where she is, why don't you go talk to her yourself?" Dak didn't have any ulterior motives other than laziness.
"Because I don't think she likes me very much, and I also can't survive another pot of Klaude's cooking. Off you go."
"She doesn't like me much either."
"C'mon you two," Brixie stepped in, "you can argue over who Kaydel dislikes more later."
Looking for a way to stay behind, but finding none that wouldn't look suspicious, Mitaka conceded first, "Oh, all right. Come along, Dak."
Dak grimaced at being talked down to, but left with Mitaka and Brixie with nothing more than a barely audible grumble.
Alone with her daughter once again, Lori scooped the child up from the ground before looking into Ardis' eyes as she spoke, "Now let's get you some food."
The baby wiggled as she fervently shook her head.
"No?" Lori translated the motion, mostly out of surprise that Ardis wasn't hungry for once.
Ardis slowed in her back and forth, made slightly dizzy from it. Recovering, and having watched her mother, Ardis tried repeating the sound she just heard, "No."
Lori stopped.
"What?" her stomach dropped at the single word.
You can't be talking already. You can't. Not without Armie around to hear it. You're not even a year old. Barely even ten months. He can't miss this.
"No!" Ardis repeated, this time giggling with excitement.
"O-okay." Lori's voice caught as a sharp sting came to the edge of her eyes. Deflating, it felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over her.
No one was around to see it, but Lori refused to let a tear fall. Time was passing by impossibly fast. Horrifically painful as it was, Lori knew she had to deal with it. She had to keep it together. Just a little bit longer.
Biting the edge of her lip, Lori cast a glance to the camp.
She was leaving this planet, and if that meant dragging Brixie along, then so be it.
.***.***.***.***.
The uneventful day had slid by. Ushar Ren and his squadron had departed the Finalizer, and Kylo Ren still hadn't returned from his own wild foray into the galaxy. Though he should have been the sole voice of authority left on the Finalizer, Hux had been all but ignored by the crew. Most of them giving him an even wider berth than normal, or leaving the room altogether whatever room he entered. Only Captain Peavy seemed to acknowledge his existence, and even then it was only because Hux was still the Finalizer's flag officer. All the denial in the world wouldn't change the paperwork still said that the ship answered to him.
Until Kylo Ren changes his mind about that too. Hux thought bitterly to himself as he wandered past the ship's cargo holds. I used to be the most powerful general in all of the First Order, and now look at me.
Two ensigns hurried past him in the hall without a second glance, as if to demonstrate Hux's thoughts.
The general couldn't find it within himself to even be annoyed, this was becoming such a common occurrence. Instead, he stepped into a component repair room.
He hadn't any official reason to be in here, not that anyone would have questioned him. The room was empty, only in operation during first and second shift. It was the middle of a standard night, and the room's two workstations were abandoned.
The silence of the room wasn't the serene void he had been hoping for. Instead, the lack of distraction left Hux with nothing but his pained thoughts for company.
They would still be alive if I had fired on the cruiser more quickly. The events of the battle over Craite played in Hux's mind, impossible to stop even if he tried. But he didn't attempt to will the dark memory away. Exhausted as he was, as pained and tired and unrelentingly sad as he'd come to be, he was also furious. At Kylo Ren, at the Resistance. At himself. The lifeless existence that he'd eked out seemed like a fitting punishment for his failures.
Buckling under the weight of his guilt, Hux leaned against one of the work stations. As he did, he bumped up against a decrepit old transmitter. The machine must have had a loose wire, because it groaned to life from the small movement.
The gurgling and whirring of the old machine was just annoying enough to convince Hux to try to turn it off. At first slapping at the machine, the general had to turn and work with the transmitter when the blows didn't shut it down.
Its display was yellowed with age, and the screen was difficult to read for how dim it was. Hux had to fiddle with the machine for what felt like ages. In the process, he trudged through the machine's base programming. To his chagrin, it appeared that the device had been compromised, with an extra line in the code set to automatically transmit to a known rebel frequency.
A sour grimace crossed his features.
The First Order still hadn't solved its spying problem. Hux didn't want to dwell on it. Not because it was yet another glaring weakness in the once great First Order -he found that he couldn't spare a care for that ruined dream- but because spying was a problem that reminded him very much of Lori.
Less concerned with fixing the machine, and more because he wanted to wipe the reminder of his losses away, Hux reached into his pocket for a code cylinder. Altering the machines base programing would require an administrative override.
Instead of the long tube he had been searching for, Hux found the data chip he had pulled out of Ushar Ren's TIE.
The little disk of metal and plastic gave him a pause for thought.
What was he now? If anything besides a shadow of the man he had been. If anything besides a washed up general living at the bottom of a bottle of gin.
Being forced into roles beneath him. Ignored, abused, and stripped of power at every turn. He'd been treated like a lieutenant earlier, inspecting TIEs that weren't even his. And now he was sulking around, doing the job of a technician.
He looked back at the compromised transmitter.
The Resistance were scum. Filthy, chaotic, a force of pure destruction that had torn the very life out of Hux. He was grasping at straws, he knew. Desperately searching for anything that reminded him he was still alive, that it hadn't been him who had been killed on the Supremacy.
He hadn't forgiven anything, he never would.
The Resistance were scum. So was he.
He considered the data chip in his hand, so much like the one that had held enough information to damn him all those many years ago. Deadly, and small, and so easily overlooked.
And very much a reminder of Lori.
Was he anything beyond spiteful, selfish, or sad?
No. Hux decided, No, I'm not.
Hux's life was gone. The First Order was gone. He may as well curse Kylo Ren too.
His hand shook as he slid the data chip into the scrapped transmitter.
Was he a traitor? A spy?
The old machine whirred and whined as it was forced to work one last time. For a long while, Hux was left to nervously worry that someone might walk around the corner and discover the incriminating scene. As time ticked by and no one had happened upon him, the transmitter grew silent, a dim light blinking and then turning solid as confirmation that its message had been sent.
Hux was hit with a rush of adrenaline. Of hope. Of fear. Of the unknown. Of some addicting and sweet and bitter and terrible pang of familiarity and control.
Espionage was Lori's game, not his. In some twisted and cruel way, playing at it reminded him of her.
Is this how it feels to be alive? The last roar of rushing blood faded from his ears, Do I even care?