Chapter 35 – Private Swan

I held my breath as the giant gate to the compound got smaller behind us. I could see it in the Jeep's rearview mirror, and when it disappeared entirely, I had to fight off the urge to jump out and run back.

Leaving my baby behind was absolute torture, but I had to keep reminding myself what I was trying to accomplish. It was the only path I could see that would lead to our family being whole again, and for that reason, I kept in my seat and my mouth shut. Just like when a parent was deployed before the world ended; I had to believe we would eventually make it back to her.

I glanced at Edward, and he was just staring out the window unseeingly. Every muscle in his body seemed to be tensed up to the point of pain, and I honestly worried he was going to have a stroke.

He didn't want me there, but it wasn't because he didn't want me the way he tried to make me believe. He was absolutely terrified, and I didn't blame him.

I placed my hand over his where it was curled into a fist between us, and I half expected him to push me away. Thankfully, the moment our skin touched, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him; kissing my head where it came to rest on his chest.

"I'll get you home to her," he whispered his promise, ever so quietly, and that was exactly what I needed to hear.

"I know you will," I replied just as quietly. Those damn people who planned all this had him convinced he'd never survive the mission. He had all but laid down and died already. Now, with me there and his unyielding determination to keep me safe, I didn't have a doubt he would not only survive, but make sure our daughter was back in our arms again.

The driver and front passenger of the vehicle we were in never communicated with us whatsoever, but their presence made it awkward and difficult for Edward and me to talk much. Most of the time we just existed in a heavy silence as we watched the world pass by us outside our windows. Edward kept in physical contact with me the entire time, and often caressed my skin with gentle strokes of soothing tenderness. Such a little gesture meant so much to me, because I could truly feel our connection again through that simple touch. We were together, and together we could get through anything.

As the fourth hour of our journey passed, our driver finally acknowledged our existence.

"Pit stop," he told us dryly. The person sitting in front of me in the passenger seat pulled out his weapon and got out, but Edward and the driver strangely didn't move to follow.

I didn't understand it, but I really did have to pee, so I naively went for my door.

Edward quickly reached over to stop me. "Gunners go out first," he explained.

"I have a gun too," I told him, still not understanding.

"We all have guns," he told me gently. "But it's the Gunners' job to go out first in case there is any kind of ambush. They would draw the fire and give us time to escape."

"Oh," I said with a sinking feeling in my gut. Without actually saying it, Edward was telling me that it was the Gunners' job to be expendable. "What a horrible…"

"It's just the way it works now," Edward cut me off. "With the world the way it is, we have to do it like this, otherwise our entire convoy could be overtaken. Once they deem it to be safe, they will give us a signal and we can get out."

"Oh, okay," I said reluctantly.

"Bella, how did you get the leaders to allow you to come on this mission without all the training you should have been given?"

"I'm a really good shot," I told him with a wink.

"No, really. What did you say to them?" he pressed.

"They need all the 'men' they could get, so they weren't hard to convince. Plus, one of them had their son going and he was sort of freaking out so they let me take his place. It actually has me wondering why they denied Emmett. It really wasn't hard for me to get in here."

"I denied Emmett," Edward said, taking me aback. "I told them he absolutely cannot join. I wanted him there – for Rose, but mostly because I knew he would watch out for you and Char."

"Why didn't you just tell him the truth?" I asked quietly. "He was so upset. Then you stopped talking to him…"

"Emmett would have tried to shoot everyone there before letting me go on this mission. Distancing myself from him, from all of you, was just the best way."

I shook my head in disagreement. "It was shitty. If you would have just been honest, he would have been honored to watch out for us and he would have been extremely determined in that mission, just the way you were when my dad asked you to watch out for me. Emmett loves you, and you broke his heart."

Edward nodded to himself as he considered my words. "I know, I just thought it was the only way to keep everyone safe," he admitted with quiet guilt.

"It's clear," the driver said, interrupting our conversation before getting out.

Edward took a heavy breath. "We only have fifteen minutes, so let's go."

I nodded, and then opened my door to get out.

"Whoa ho ho, a new recruit," one of the soldiers said the moment he saw me. "And a woman at that. Did they turn you away from the baby factory?"

"Excuse me?" I hissed.

"Back up, Newton!" Edward warned him as he came charging over from around the other side of the Jeep where he got out from. "Stay away from her."

"Now, I thought you already had a woman," the soldier rebutted. "Doesn't he always sleep on some chick's porch every night?" he asked the soldier standing next to him.

I turned to look at Edward in surprise, but his attention was focused on the mouthy soldier. "What I do, is none of your fucking business. Now, back off!"

"Corporal Newton!" Jasper said sternly as he approached us.

The soldier rolled his eyes. "Captain," he acknowledged. When Jasper gestured for him to leave, he huffed and then walked away.

"I swear, I'll never understand how so many good people died and that idiot is still breathing," Jasper mumbled before turning to me. "I don't know how you convinced the leaders to allow you here, but I sure hope you understand the danger of this mission. The only thing worse than an undisciplined soldier is an untrained one."

I took out my gun, made sure no one was in my line of fire or behind my target, and then shot the food pouch right out of the hand of the soldier that was being a jerk to us a minute before.

"I think I'll be okay," I told Jasper casually.

He smiled. "Well, alright then. You did tell me she was a badass, and I guess you were right," he said to Edward.

"Yes, but this badass needs to pee," I said as I turned to head to the cover of the trees.

"I'll cover you," Edward told me, but before he could even take a step, another soldier swooped in to stop him.

"No, I'll take her," she said, grabbing my arm and weaving hers through as if we were old friends. "Us girls need to stick together." She turned back to Edward. "Go drain your lizard with the other hooligans."

Edward didn't look happy about it, but because the Gunners had already secured the area, he allowed it.

"So, what brings you here?" she asked as we made our way over to the most private spot we could find to relieve ourselves in.

"Um… the mission," I told her vaguely.

"Yeah, except for the fact that there are no other ladies in the Boots besides me. So… what's your story?"

"There aren't any other female Boots?" I asked in shock. "That's…"

"Sexist, I know," she agreed. "But, in their defense, it is the end of the world and they need as many baby makers as they can get. One man can impregnate thousands of women, but a woman can only have one baby a year… unless it's twins, but you know what I mean."

I nodded. "So, how did you get into the ranks then?"

"Well, I'm as sterile as they come, but even more importantly, I can kick every last one of these jackasses' asses. I'm Sergeant Brandon, by the way."

"Um, Bella Swan," I introduced myself.

"Ah, the infamous Swan, huh?"

"You've heard of me?" I asked, taken aback. "From Edward?"

"Edward?" she asked as if she had no idea who I was talking about.

"Edward Cullen," I said slowly.

"Oh, Corporal Cullen, do you know him personally? I've only spoken to him a few times; he's on the B team, so we don't really associate. I mean, I guess now he is like the golden goose or something, but when it comes to his skills as a Boot, he is still just a B. You know, I don't usually pay much attention to all the bitchy gossip these wannabe soldiers sometimes spew, but I have heard that Cullen sleeps on some porch every night. It's freaking weird."

"Yeah, that is weird," I said awkwardly, realizing it was likely my porch he slept on but not wanting to divulge too much to the woman. "So, where have you heard my name from then?" I questioned suspiciously.

Without a shred of modest reservation, she pulled down her pants and squatted right there in front of me. "Well, from the Blacks, of course," she replied as she peed. "From the sound of it, I thought you were little Black's girlfriend."

I immediately began boiling. "They were talking about me in that way?"

"Well," she paused to wiggle before pulling up her pants. "The other day I was heading into a meeting with the leaders a bit early, and I overheard them. Little Black was going on and on about his devotion to you and how your heart was broken, or whatever the hell. Mr. Black got mad and told him to keep his distance from you or there would be consequences. Both seemed pretty pissed."

"Wait, Billy wanted me and Jacob to stay away from each other?" I asked surprised.

"Look, sister, I really don't know specifics. He mentioned something about a baby, and that's all I really caught."

"What about a baby?" I asked in a panic. "Are they planning something with my daughter?"

She considered it. "No, they specifically said something about a boy baby. I thought it was weird, but little Black's reaction was even stranger. He said he didn't care about the baby and he couldn't wait to have a son…or some shit like that."

I raised my brows in confusion. "That is weird… You're sure you didn't hear anything about my daughter?" I asked, feeling only slightly better.

"Positive. Everything I heard in their conversation about a baby had to do with it being male. They even said something about it not being born yet, so I couldn't imagine it being your daughter. I am curious though, if you have a daughter, why are you here?"

"Long story, and I have to pee," I told her. I wasn't as bold as she was, so I went around to the back of a tree. As I relieved myself, however, my anxious mind couldn't help but replay our conversation.

"So, Sergeant Brandon, what was that you were saying before about a B team?" I asked as I rejoined her.

"In the Boots we have three teams. An A team, which is my team – highly trained and properly regimented. Then there is the B team, which is run by Captain Whitlock. Don't even get me started on that dumbass."

"You're not a fan of Jasper's?" I asked as we slowly made our way back to the convoy. I was hoping to keep her talking so she would give me some kind of hint into Jasper's character so I could know if he was really trustworthy.

Brandon grimaced. "He is basically a buffoon. Him and his merry band of misfits are utterly ridiculous; untrained, undisciplined, and an embarrassment to the Boots as a military branch. I can not believe our leaders let them actually go on missions. I mean, I guess their fearless guerrilla style tactics have a place, and they are arguably better than the C team, but damn, I hate going out of the wall with them. Let's just hope they don't fuck up this mission."

"The C team is…?" I prompted, still trying to figure it all out.

"Little Black's team. Or, as I like to call him, Princess Black, but more formally known as Staff Sergeant Black," she said scornfully. "Don't even ask me how that prissy pants outranks me. It's utterly absurd! They basically handed him that title just because of who his father is; he sure as hell didn't earn it. The C team are the equivalent to mall security officers on a power trip that are too scared to even leave the compound."

"Oh, gotcha," I understood. "So, the A and B teams just train differently?" I then questioned.

"We do everything differently. Most of the B team were either survivors we picked up somewhere along the way, or volunteers. Pretty much the stray dogs of the world. They're nothing but a bunch of good ole boys who rely far too much on instincts and their so-called big balls. The A team, the better team, were trained by the US military prior to the virus mutations. We are all Special Ops. You can bet your ass none of the men from my team would disrespect you the way I heard Newton talking to you a bit ago. Captain Whitlock just doesn't have the proper control of his company, which says a lot about his leadership skills."

I wanted to ask Brandon more about how an elite military team got to the compound in middle of nowhere, but we arrived back with the others so our conversation was cut short.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked me when I returned to his side.

"Yeah, the restrooms here are just as dirty as they were in Oregon," I joked.

Edward cracked half a smile, and then pulled me into him to kiss my forehead.

"Fraternizing among soldiers is strictly prohibited," an older man said sternly. I assumed he was another Captain or Major by the way he was dressed.

"Maybe you should send her home then," Edward challenged him. "I mean, unless you want to kick us both out of this mission? But I think that would sort of defeat the purpose, now wouldn't it?"

Jasper suddenly appeared behind the man and clapped him on his shoulder. "We are going to let this one slide, Lieutenant Amun. Bella is Edward's wife. Speaking of which, you don't have your name stitched onto your uniform," he said to me.

"No, I joined last-minute so there was no time," I told him.

"Right," he said before turning to the guy behind him. "Hey, Private Yorkie, see if you can dig me up some uniform letters. We need a C, a U, a couple of Ls, an E, and N."

"Sure thing," the guy replied.

"Actually, my name is Swan," I said before the guy could leave. "S. W. A. N."

When Jasper looked at me confused and Edward raised a brow in my direction, I pulled the glove off of my left hand to show them my ring-less finger. "I chucked that meaningless rock because I was informed that my marriage was fake."

Jasper glanced at Edward. "Um… Okay then. I'll just…" He let his words trail off as he awkwardly walked away.

Edward nodded slowly at me. "Yeah, I guess I deserve that. Is there anything I can do to make amends?" he asked while gently taking my waist and slowly pulling me back towards him.

"Yeah, you can get us home to our daughter safely, and then propose to me again, but this time for real."

"My last proposal was for real," he argued quietly.

"But you erased it when you told me all those lies," I retorted. "You vowed you would never forsake me, and you lied. If it was a real marriage, it would have been nullified just based on that."

"I don't think that's exactly how it works," he disagreed.

"That's how it works for me. If you want me to be your wife again, you're going to have to re-earn my trust, get us back to our baby, and propose properly," I reiterated. "Your mother's ring is beautiful, by the way, but until you actually give it to me, it's just a wonderful family heirloom for Charlotte."

"I know I betrayed your trust and broke your heart, but…" he paused. "I still wish you weren't out here with me right now." Before I could argue, he added – "But I promise you; I will get you home to her."

I shook my head. "No, we will get each other home to her."

He nodded in agreement, but his eyes contradicted what his head was doing. He was still so uncertain, so I had to keep doing whatever it took to make him truly believe that failure just was not an option.

I wrapped my arms around him again. "And when we make it back, no more sleeping on my porch," I teased him.

"You found out about that huh?" he said guiltily. "Being in that compound was the safest we've been, but I still felt like I needed to be there just in case something happened. Or maybe it had nothing to do with safety; I just couldn't stand being that far from my girls."

I wanted to throw out some kind of witty comeback about it being his choice, but I could see how much it sincerely devastated him and it only made me emotional. All I could do was nod with tears in my eyes, and then hug myself closer to him. We had both made tough choices, and for me to hold that against him after the choice I made, would just be cruel and hypocritical. None of it mattered anymore. All we needed to focus on now was completing the mission.

After a minute or so of us just holding each other, a soldier came around and not only handed us some food pouches, but he gave me four self-adhesive black letters for my uniform.

Edward took the letters from me and placed them in the right position on the flap of my uniform's chest pocket. "The name doesn't really fit you anymore," he mumbled, trying to keep the sorrow out of his voice.

"That's because I'm supposed to be a Cullen," I agreed. "Swan is a fragile little bird that doesn't even exist anymore. I guess now I'm the one pretending."

Edward looked like he wanted to apologize again, but that really wasn't my intention with my comment. I just wanted to move past it and get our job done so we could go back to the lives we were supposed to be living.

When a whistle blew, we all got back in our vehicles and continued our journey. There wasn't a minute that went by that I didn't internally wrestle with the fact that I left my baby behind. It was absolutely excruciating, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it either. If anyone in this world could keep her safe as much as Edward and I could, it was Rose and Em. They would protect her with their lives, and I knew they loved her just as fiercely. Charlotte would be okay, and we would return to her. This was only just a necessary business trip. No different than any other parent having to travel for work. I had to just keep repeating that train of thought, because it was the only thing keeping me from breaking down right then and there.

The convoy continued on until just before dusk, and then they pulled over to make camp for the night.

"How does this work?" I questioned Edward as we were pulling into our supposed intended destination for the evening.

"The teams will take shifts patrolling and sleeping," he explained. "They're setting up tents, which are thin enough for everyone to hear if anything should happen. This is a rural area, so I don't anticipate an ambush, but we have to always be cautious."

I nodded in agreement. "Hopefully, we will get assigned on the same shift."

"I'm not on a shift," he said unexpectedly. "I'm the mission, so they want me as protected as possible. I have to sleep in here. The tents will be around this Jeep, and the patrollers will be around the tents."

"Oh… Well, that makes sense. Okay then, I guess I need to go see what my orders are."

I got out of the Jeep and Edward jumped out to follow me. He may have the entire platoon acting as his security, but it was going to be tough for him to not act as mine.

"Hey, you have to let me do my job," I told him gently.

"Your job, is to keep him out of trouble," Jasper said as he approached us again. "I just got my orders for you straight from the leaders. They want you two together the entire time. So, it's in the Jeep all night for you as well, Private Swan. Good luck trying to be comfortable," he joked.

"Captain Whitlock, I know how to fight zombies," I told him, wanting to pull my own weight.

"I'm sure you do, however, if you get killed, then he will probably end up doing something stupid to get himself killed too. We need him to stay focused on the mission, and in order for him to do that, you need to be safe as well."

"I agree. You need to stay with me," Edward spoke up.

I didn't like it, but I understood it. If Edward endangered himself for me, that would basically ruin everything, but it was also slightly disappointing. Not that I wanted to put my life at risk, but I figured if I was able to do some patrolling, I could get my mind off of what a horrible mother I was.

"Oh, one last thing," Jasper called after us as Edward and I were heading off to prepare for the night. "A gift of good faith from the leaders," he said while handing me what looked like a large walkie-talkie.

"Are you serious right now?" Edward asked excitedly.

"What is it?" I asked unsure.

"A satellite phone," Edward answered as he took it out of my hand and began messing with it.

"And your daughter's guardians have one as well," Jasper told me with a half smile.

My eyes immediately welled up. It was almost too good to be true, but when we dialed the number Jasper gave us, I realized it really was true, and I was so incredibly grateful.

"Mama?" I heard her little voice through the receiver. There was no video so we couldn't see her, and it echoed a bit, but having any kind of contact at all was everything.

"Hi baby!" I said through my tears.

Charlotte started babbling right away and I was only able to catch some of what she was saying. She mentioned something about Seth and Sam, so I figured Seth must have visited. She went on and on and I just cried silently as I listened. After she started slowing down, I told her how much I loved her and missed her already, and then let Edward have a turn talking to her. It was bittersweet, but I was so incredibly thankful for the peace of mind knowing she was safe.

Edward talked to her almost as long as I did, and then I listened as Emmett got on the phone and basically badgered him with heated questions and words of betrayal. Edward could only keep apologizing, but their conversation did end with what sounded like Emmett crying and telling Edward he loved him.

"I love you guys too, and I really am sorry for not being honest," Edward told him. "Em, I just want you and Rose to both know how grateful I am that Charlotte has you. There is no one else Bella and I would ever trust her with."

I could hear Emmett continue to snivel as he promised to protect her with his life, and I was crying again too. It was definitely an emotional phone call. At that late hour I knew we needed to get inside the Jeep and let them put Char to bed, so we said goodnight and promised to call the next day.

Charlotte seemed absolutely fine, and even though it only made me feel fractionally better about leaving her, it was enough to help me refocus on the mission. As far as I was concerned, we couldn't get to Chicago fast enough so we could complete the mission and start heading home…