Thanks so much for all the reviews! You keep me inspired to keep writing. :)
(Later, Rachel sits on the sofa with her freshly bathed daughter. Charlotte wears a long T-shirt of Rachel's. She had plenty of jimjams with colorful characters, princesses and superheroes. Charlotte chose to wear this because it smells like her mum. Rachel made sure Charlotte had the things happy, loved kids were meant to have. Sometimes, arguably now that she had money, Rachel went overboard with "material-love". Rachel grew up with lack. No one, not even Sylvie could look at her daughter and say she wasn't loved or taken care of. Rachel is making loose plaits so that Charlotte's mass of hair doesn't knot overnight.)
Rachel: Oh, guess who I saw today.
Charlotte: (thinks) Mmm... Nan?
Rachel: No. I s-
Charlotte: Robin!
Rachel: Yes but-
Charlotte: Megan Markle!
Rachel: You're ridiculous. D'you know that?
Charlotte: The Queen!
Rachel: Do you want me to tell you or what?
Charlotte: Iron man!
Rachel: So, that's a no?
Charlotte: (giggles) Spider-Gwen!
Rachel: Fine. Forget it.
Charlotte: Peppa pig. (Rachel moves to the last section of hair to braid.) Chase! Chase is on the case! (Charlotte tries to turn around when she gets no verbal response from her mother.) Princess Ariel! (Rachel continues braiding. Charlotte kicks her feet annoyed by her lack of engagement.) Mummy?
Rachel: Hm?
Charlotte: Tell me.
Rachel: I thought you didn't want to hear it.
Charlotte: (whines) Tell me!
Rachel: So you're done interrupting me then?
Charlotte: (mimics) "You're done interrupting me then?"
Rachel: (sighs) Don't do that.
Charlotte: (sighs) "Don't do that."
Rachel: Seriously stop it.
Charlotte: "Seriously stop it."
Rachel: Charlie, you're irritating me.
Charlotte: "Charlie, you're irritating me."
Rachel: If you keep it up-
Charlotte: "If you keep it up-"
Rachel: -you're going to get pow-pows. (Charlotte throws herself back into Rachel's lap.)
Charlotte: (giggles) Pow-pow! (she very quickly jabs her fists in the air. One accidentally makes contact with the underside of Rachel's chin. Rachel's teeth clatter together at the impact. She reacts, slapping Charlotte's bare leg twice.)
Rachel: (Sternly) Sit up and stop messing about! (Charlotte's eyes grow to the size of saucers and fill with tears.) Don't. (points) Don't do that. (Charlotte slides off the sofa away from her mother and runs out of the room down the hall to her room. The door slams and then there's a loud wail. Rachel sits conflicted. Furious she got jabbed in the chin and furious she reacted thoughtlessly. She looks at her stinging palm. She didn't hit Charlotte... normally. Rachel's eyes well as she hears her daughter's melodramatic cries. Earlier today, Rachel was worried about protecting Charlotte. Now she was hitting her? Was she Sharon? Rachel remembers sitting between her mother's legs, similar to how they just were, having her hair brushed. She remembers Sharon hitting her legs with the brush and the greenish blue marks it left on her skin. Rachel wipes a tear. She didn't want to be Sharon. She gets up and begins down the hall before she hears her bell. Rachel sighs. Shouts.) Charlie, Mummy will be there in a minute. (Rachel returns. to her front door had asked the landlord to install a peep hole in her flat's door. He said he wouldn't because then he'd have to do it for all three flats in the building. She offered to pay for it herself and he rudely replied that the issue was not a matter of how secure his flats were but what sort of men she let into them. She didn't argue with that because he wasn't wrong. She is the one who let a rapist in her front door. He then proceeded to rant about how he thought leasing to her, since she's a police officer, was meant to be like built in security. That knowing she was in the building was meant to make the rest of the tenants feel secure but instead, he then listed off a ramble of incidents- domestics with Sean, warrants being served on her flat not once, not twice but three times. She hung up on him mid-list. When she opens the door, she's surprised to see Elise.)
Rachel: Elise?
Elise: Can I come in?
Rachel: Yeah, 'course. (Elise enters and can hear Charlotte.) We're having a bit of a drama. I'm just gonna- (looks to Elise's tired eyes.) I'll only be a second just gotta apologize to her and you can help yourself. There's an open bottle of wine on the counter.
Elise: (laughs) I remember being the screaming kid while you and my mum drank wine in the kitchen.
Rachel: (feels a pang of guilt. Maybe Janet was too caught up in Rachel's dramas to notice her daughter in trouble.) I'll be right out. Promise. (Rachel returns to her daughter's bedroom door. She takes in a deep breath. She could hear her screaming. It wasn't even real crying at this point. Rachel had to use her imagination in many mothering situations because she didn't have much of an example to go off. Allison, although her two kids have turned out tolerable, admitted to Rachel that she also struggled and simply made it up as she went along. Rachel knew what her mother would have done in this situation. Rachel very specifically recalls, crying from being smacked with the brush, being told to shut off the water-works and as a toddler not being able to. She clearly recalls her mother shouting that she didn't "want to hear it!" She remembers her mother taking her by the arm, at almost exactly the age Charlotte is now, and shoving her into a dark wardrobe. She told her she could come out when she stopped crying and when Sharon could "stomach the sight" of her again. She was then locked in the dark, cramped space, for what felt like ages. She remembers at some point shouting over and over that she needed to wee and no one came to free her. After a while, her four year old bladder couldn't hold it anymore and she pissed in the wardrobe. She cried quietly, ashamed of herself for her accident. Eventually, Allison got home from school and opened the wardrobe door. As she let her out, she could smell the urine. Allison tried lecturing their mother, saying that because she left Rachel in there so long she pissed herself. Unfortunately, this didn't guilt Sharon. Instead it enraged her. She shouted at Rachel for being "disgusting" and all Rachel remembers after that is that she was stripped, put in the shower and spanked the entire time by her mother, which in turn made her cry more, which resulted in more punishment. It was a vicious inescapable cycle. One she knew she wouldn't repeat. So what should she do? What would Gill do? Rachel enters and Charlotte only makes brief eye contact, shocked by her mother's appearance to stop mid-scream. Charlotte then dramatically falls face first into her bed. Rachel takes a seat on Charlotte's bed and just sits silently. Charlotte rolls over onto her back after sitting awhile in silence. Even at four, she expected her mother was going to take the lead in the conversation. However, Rachel still wasn't sure what to say or do. She just sat there staring at Charlotte. Charlotte glares out the corner of her eye at her mother.)
Charlotte: You're not nice.
Rachel: You're not. (Charlotte whines and Rachel sighs realizing Gill absolutely would not have answered the way she just did. Calmly,) Sit up and drop the strop. (Charlotte sits up but pouts.) Let's talk.
Charlotte: I don't want to talk. You're not nice. You hit me!
Rachel: You hit me.
Charlotte: But I didn't mean it. It was a accident.
Rachel: Alright, well, you were being rude and you weren't listening to Mummy.
Charlotte: Hitting isn't nice.
Rachel: Misbehaving and giving Mummy a hard time isn't nice either. So, if you don't want Mummy to be mean to you then don't be mean to me. (Charlotte thinks about this.) You mind me when I tell you something. Understood? (Charlotte pouts but nods.) Mummy doesn't want to hit you. I don't reckon it's very nice either.
Charlotte: It's not.
Rachel: I'm sorry.
Charlotte: I'm sorry I was irritating.
Rachel: Right. Well, I've gotta finish that plait and then it's bed time. Are you going to behave yourself?
Charlotte: Fine. (Rachel raises an eyebrow but accepts this as an answer.)
Rachel: C'mon then. (Rachel stands and puts out her hand for Charlotte to take. Charlotte extends both of her arms upward, with her pout. She was Rachel's weakness. Rachel picks up her pouty brat and Charlotte rests her head on Rachel's shoulder as she carries her out of the room.)
( When the Baileys return to the living room, Charlotte is surprised to see Elise. Elise watches Rachel plait Charlotte's hair and burst into tears watching the now sweet mother daughter scene. Both Baileys are too shocked by the outburst to say anything helpful. Elise excuses herself, going into the washroom. The Baileys finish their night time routine, sans bedtime story. Then Rachel sits on her settee waiting for Elise's return. Rachel pours herself a glass of wine and sips it. As she waits, she gets a text from Robin asking if it's ok for him to stop by. She sighs. She wants to say yes but she wasn't sure how Elise would handle seeing Robin now that he was working her case. She responds 'Sure.' And decides she'll hurry Elise along.
Nearly finished with her glass, Rachel puts down the wine and goes to the washroom door. Water is running.)
Rachel: Elise? Did you fall in? (There's no response. Knocks.) Elise? (Again there's no response. Rachel puts her ear to the door and thinks she hears movement.) Elise? (Rachel flashes back to almost ten years ago, the night Elise had been victimized by Alderman, she'd locked herself in the washroom. "Don't lock doors." Janet said. Rachel added "We'll kick it in because we're trained.") Elise? (Tries the handle. The door is locked.) Elise, if you don't answer me, I'm knocking the door in. (Rachel waits for a response but when she doesn't get one she backs up to get a good aim at the door.)
Elise: Don't come in! (shouts too late, as Rachel's foot blasts the door open, shattering and splintering the frame. Elise is shocked and crying. The first thing Rachel sees is the blood.) I'm sorry. (Rachel quickly grabs a hand towel and grips Elise's arm, assessing as she wraps it, that the wound is not very deep.)
Charlotte: (from her bedroom doorway) Mummy? I heard a boom?
Rachel: (shouts) Stay there Charlie.
Elise: I'm sorry. (She slumps and Rachel responds, barely catching this younger but heavier woman, and clumsily guiding her limp body to sit on the toilet. Rachel continues wrapping the towel.)
Charlotte: (voice is closer) Is it a bad guy?
Rachel: (shouts) Go back in your room! (To Elise) Elise? Elise, look at me. Elise? (Elise seems to look at Rachel with an emptiness.) Elise, wake up, love. You're going to be alright. I need you to answer me. (Charlotte screams when she sees the diluted blood which spills down with the water of the overflowing sink onto the floor. Elise's body is slumped over and Rachel's hands are bloody holding the towel tightly applying pressure.) Charlotte! Go back to your room!
Charlotte: (suddenly tears up) You murdered Elise?
Rachel: No. Go to your room! NOW. (Charlotte screams, this time actually crying down the hall and Rachel can hear the door slam again.) Elise? (Elise looks to Rachel.) Can you hold this, Elise? You're going to be ok. (Elise's hand on her uncut arm, slowly lifts and is now on the towel.) Good, good girl. Hold it tight, yeah. (Rachel only lets go of the towel when she sees Elise is finally coming to. Rachel gently puts a finger under Elise's chin, lifting her head to look in her tear-filled eyes.) You're going to be ok Elise. You were fainting probably from shock.
Elise: I'm sorry. I just-
Rachel: Shush, shush. It's alright. What were you thinking? (Goes to her cabinet. After years of abuse from her father, Rachel became adept in caring for injuries at home. She pulls out what she'll need to clean the cut, butterfly tape, gauze and tape.)
Elise: I wasn't trying to. I know what it looks like but I promise I wasn't trying to-
Rachel: Then what were you trying to do? (Rachel kneels in front of the loo mending Elise's arm.)
Elise:(her sentences punctuated with sniffles and voice cracking) I was just, I was feeling so, hurt. Seeing you and Charlotte, together, and I haven't been that close with my Mum since what happened. He stole that from me. He ruined that little girl. (Cries.)
Rachel: You're a strong woman Elise. You're a survivor.
Elise: Everything just hurt so much on the inside, I just wanted to let some of it out. (Rachel nods and sighs, she understood this feeling but certainly was not going to encourage it. She can still hear her traumatized toddler screaming in her room.) I wasn't-
Rachel: You weren't trying to kill yourself.
Elise: No. It just all got to be too much. Having to talk about everything today at the station. Then I couldn't get it out of my head and my…I tried calling my...(She looks to the door and then Rachel, who is nearly done bandaging her up.) ...I don't really live in France.
Rachel: What? (Stops what she's doing and looks to Elise.) You've been in France ever since you finished Uni.
Elise: I haven't. After I finished Uni, I moved to Liverpool.
Rachel: And you've been-
Elise: After Alderman, lying to my Mum and Dad, it became second nature. And they were both too busy with their divorce and then with Tasie's dramas that, they never asked too many questions anyway.
Rachel: (sighs) I'm sorry Elise. I know what it's like to sort of be...looked over by your parents.
Elise: I've been living with my girlfriend.
Rachel: Oh? (Stands and wipes a sneaky tear. She's grateful Elise is ok and the adrenaline and fear of the moment finally catches up to her. Elise is bandaged up and Rachel then begins assessing the clean up. She became an expert on cleaning up blood before she ever took a forensics class.)
Elise: I tried calling my girlfriend today but I couldn't get hold of her. I had to talk to someone to get it out of my head.
Rachel: Right. (Rachel was used to keeping things to herself and was only now, since being forced into therapy, getting used to talking about troubling things.)
Elise: I haven't told Mum that either. I, ya know, I used to tease Tasie about being a lesbian, because of the way she idolized you, but it, that all came from a place of self-hate. I'm gay.
Rachel: Your Mum wouldn't give a toss about that Elise. She loves you.
Elise: Does she?
Rachel: Of course she does.
Elise: I was watching you, in there with Charlotte. She was never ever like that with me. Never. Her work always came first. Then, Dad. Then, Tasie. When I was younger, I tried to impress her, I got all good marks. I aced languages. I did drama and plays at school. She missed all of them except one. She'd always just pat me on the head and dismiss me. She never cared. She never, it was all like-
Rachel: Your Mum cares. I promise ya. You and Tasie are all she cares about.
Elise: (looks to her bandaged arm, as Rachel tidies.) I haven't done this in a long time. I used to, sometimes. (She lifts her skirt to show Rachel the top part of her thigh which has lines of scars.)
Rachel: (sadly) Oh Elise.
Elise: You'd notice, wouldn't you? (she drags a finger on her scar) If Charlotte ever did something like this.
Rachel: Sometimes, when something bad happens, something like Alderman. We can...people (She removes herself from the victim role although she is doing her best to recall her therapist's words.)...tend to put up walls. Figuratively, to protect ourselves and sometimes we push away the people who want to help us the most.
Elise: You reckon that's what I've done, with Mum?
Rachel: I dunno Elise. I can only say what I see from the outside. Things are always different behind closed doors, aren't they? I just reckon, it'd be hard for your Mum to be close to you, if she doesn't even know where you bloody are.
Elise: I'm sorry Rachel. I didn't mean for all this. (Rachel gently touches Elise's shoulder to let her know it's ok. Elise looks past Rachel at the broken door. Rachel turns around and looks at the splintered frame.)
Rachel: Er. (She grimaces at it. Partly because she felt like a monster for busting it and partly because she knew her landlord was going to be a dick about charging her for the repairs.) C'mon, let's get out of here. (Elise stands and follows Rachel out of the wash room. Rachel carries a load of towels soaked with the overflowed sink water. When they get back into the kitchen, Rachel pops them in the machine and Elise sits in front of her red wine glass, staring at the dark liquid, thinking about the red that was just coming from her wound.)
Elise: I really only came by to talk to you. I don't want Mum to find out anything about this. I told Robin, everything that happened. Because I want to help, I hate that it's happened to other girls. I feel-
Rachel: It's not your fault, what happened to them. (Pours herself a glass of wine and begins drinking it like a glass water.)
Elise: I know but...to think, it's happened to another little girl.
Rachel: I know.
Elise: I just, I can't have Mum knowing.
Rachel: (Finishes her glass and pours another.) I told you I wouldn't say anything. But I, (sips her wine) I think you should reconsider. Maybe, (shrugs) maybe, when you were little it was her fault for sort of pushing you aside. But, you're a grown woman now. If you want to be closer to her...maybe you should try and... (She shrugs, struggling for words as she remembers how she herself tried to rekindle things with her own mother and how the relationship didn't get better and only emphasized the toxicity she didn't need in her life.)...Oh I don't know. Don't listen to me. I'm not an expert on mother-daughter relationships. (Sips her wine and gestures to the screams still coming from the door down the hall.) Clearly I'm buggering this up.
Elise: No. No, that's my fault. I- Can I go speak to her? Show her I'm alright?
Rachel: Yeah. Pftt. (Sips her wine.) If you think you can handle it.
Elise: I am sorry Rachel. For the drama. I only wanted to talk. (Rachel shrugs, sips her wine and Elise gets up from her chair and goes down the hall to Charlotte's room.)