Part 3: Silver Moon

I make my way back to Robin and Lucina's house. It's only after I ring the doorbell that I realize I didn't text them to let them know I was showing up. I hear footsteps shuffling towards the door, which opens to reveal a grinning Morgan.

"Forget something?" she says.

"Got in a fight."

"I can tell. You look like shit."

She opens the door wider and I step in. From the TV in the room connected to the front hallway, I hear music from that RPG she had me play. Maybe this is the universe telling me to stay here, laughing at my attempts to change Fódlan. Whatever happens, Byleth will be there to make the decisions and rule over the continent as they see fit.

Except they needed my help to turn Rhea against the nuclear missiles sent by Those Who Slither in the Dark. Wow, that's a sentence I never expected to think. It's almost funny, but I can't bring myself to so much as chuckle.

I couldn't save Petra and Felix.

Robin and Lucina show up as I'm about finished with my absentminded thinking. Even a greeting is too much for me to muster at this point. I hope they understand, but I'm also too tired to process their expressions to see if they're offended. I hobble off to the bathroom to wash off my grime. Once I step into the bathtub, I realize that I barely have the energy to stand, so I take a bath instead of my shower.

A nice, long soak where I can think about nothing.

#

I don't remember the time between getting out of the bathtub and getting into bed. The next thing I know, I awake under a pile of soft blankets. I sit up to find that every muscle in my body is sore. I cough into my elbow, but even that feels weak. I'm in fresh clothes, so I must have changed last night before drifting off to sleep.

I'm still not rested, and even making my own meals is a challenge. Lucina and Robin tell me not to push myself, and after struggling through breakfast and lunch I let them make dinner for me. They don't ask questions about what happened, and I can tell from the way they look at me that they get it. The way exhaustion drowns everything else out until there's nothing worth saying.

I spend those first couple of days staring off into the distance. Eating each meal takes over an hour for me to eat. Occasionally I'm able to harness my inaction into a round of meditation, but even that feels like it consumes energy I don't have. It's only after I take a walk around the neighborhood a few days after returning that I feel like I have the strength to talk and be a regular member of society.

I talk to Lucina first. She's happy that I'm ready to open up, and also mentions that she's glad that I'm letting their family take care of me.

"We help each other through the ups and downs," she says, "And you're included in that. I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone, Claude."

After I finish telling her what happened in Fódlan, she pulls me into a hug. I do my best to not physically cling onto her when she starts pulling away. After releasing me, she cocks her head and looks up at the corner of the ceiling.

"What do you make of this Byleth person?" she says. "I know you're on opposite sides of the war, but it sounds like they care about you."

"I don't know if it matters what I make of them. All this time I was trying to tear them down from their seat of godlike power, but I never had a ghost of a chance. Is this what it was like for the rest of the world when the European powers started invading during the age of colonialism?"

My mom's part Irish but disconnected from their heritage, and my dad's homeland Iran was one of the few places that managed to avoid being colonized. So I don't have those stories of being brutalized by European powers in my bloodline like so many other people do.

"Even for them it didn't sound so hopeless," Lucina says. "Robin tells me many people on all sides of the colonialism issue seem to forget how much resistance the native people put up."

This takes me back to my conversation with Byleth at the Catholic school about European colonials committing genocide against the Native Americans on the ground we stood upon. How do they preach about that and then participate in the same imperialist power grab over in Fódlan?

"I think they're a nice person," I say, "And also someone who caused unimaginable suffering. But it doesn't matter. The war is over. They'll pull the strings of Fódlan how they see fit. If any more of my former classmates die under mysterious circumstances, I'll go over and do my best to kill them."

"So you're done with Fódlan?"

"What else is left for me to do? I thought that as a leader, I had the ability to make a difference. But I was just another monkey in Byleth's cage."

"Yet not everything goes according to their plans." Lucina's face softens. "It sounds like you saved thousands of lives by getting Rhea to take down those missiles."

Maybe I did. So why does that act feel so empty? All this time I was struggling against Byleth, dying to prove that my choices and actions should matter too, they can still crush me at any moment they choose. I'll never be free to control my own destiny so long as they're alive, in power, and on the same plane of existence as me. I thought the solution was to defeat them, but that's not possible.

Instead, I have to avoid them for the rest of my life.

"Your family is using Earth to get something useful that can help you back in your native dimension, right?" I say. "Well, I'm doing the same. And Fódlan has exhausted its use for me."

I can tell that I'm not being fully rational right now. That Lucina's right about me saving people, that my impact on Fódlan as an important lord who can influence the inner working of the Alliance will be more than this world ever offers me. Hell, maybe I'll even go back there some day. But I'm sick of having my life dictated by Byleth's whims.

"That's fair enough," Lucina says. "You should take some time to rest up here before making any big decisions regardless. Robin can help build your new identity when you're ready."

Right, I'm still supposed to be on the run from the cops. I go back to the guest room to see that I have a new message on my phone. The only people who know that I came back to this dimension are in this household, so I don't know what this could be about. I go to my messages app and nearly drop my phone when I see the person texting.

Dimitri.

The message itself is a simple "You there?" I take a deep breath and steady my fingers to respond.

#

10:40

Dimitri? Is that u?

No, I'm a ghost.

Uhh…

Yes, it's me, Claude.

I've gone through some weird shit so I wanted to make sure

Mm.

Was there something u wanted to talk about?

Give me a second.

Sure, take ur time

10:52

Why do you still care about me?

Wait, do you even still care about me?

Course I do

And what kind of question is that?

You mean a lot to me and I want you to be happy

Where have you been over the past five years, Claude?

That's kinda a long story

And u probably won't believe it

Scratch that, u definitely won't believe it

But I do care about you. I promise

10:59

I don't know if much can surprise me anymore.

Is this related to you being covered in blood before the police attacked?

Uh…

Maybe

There are no normal explanations for that.

Hit me with your wildest shot, Claude.

I was in another dimension

Shit that happens there also happens here

So I got in a battle on that day five years ago in that other dimension

And I knew it was coming to us too

So yeah, that's why I was bloody and all that

Oh, and it was how I knew about Marianne

And that's where you've been the past five years?

Pretty much

I can travel back and forth now, but for a while I couldn't

Byleth's also from there, and so is the creep who attacked us

Arundel? He's my uncle, you know.

He's actually a shapeshifting mole person

Okay that sounds super fucking weird when I type that out

I did see Rhea.

Oh, that's right. There are lizard people like her, and there are also mole people

They don't like each other

The mole people in the alternate dimension also have nukes

But it's like mostly medieval fantasy

I'm not doing a good job of explaining this, am I?

Either this world is even stranger than I thought or you put too much work into this lie.

Why don't we talk about this over video chat? I want to say goodbye to your face.

11: 16

…yeah, that sounds like a good idea

Now I really wanna talk

I'll add u on Discord

#

At this point, I'm always surprised when anything relating to computers works correctly, so I'm already off kilter when we get a video chat going within minutes. Dimitri looks the same as when I last saw him, and I give up trying to count the fast food boxes in the background of his room when I come to the conclusion that many more are likely hid beneath the clothes he has strewn around.

The only difference is that his posture is slumped over instead of looking like a caged animal. We sit in the call for several minutes, neither of us speaking.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" I say.

"Five years." Dimitri looks up at me. "An adventure in another dimension, if I'm to believe your wild stories. And still, it should be illegal how little you've changed."

I don't think I'm the same person I was when I was seventeen. Those five years could change anyone. Though Dimitri's right that I'm still in the same conflict. Five years ago, I was struggling to get by in this hostile world around me as someone who's brown, queer, and living without real parents. Now I'm struggling to get by in the hostile world of Fódlan where my fate is controlled by a god wearing stupid little dangling sleeves and itchy leggings.

"I have a beard now," I say. "That's a big difference."

"Right, and you can even rock it while looking rugged rather than like a hobo."

"Hey, aren't you Catholics about compassion for homeless people and all that? No need to use them as the bad standard."

Dimitri snorts. "I can't stand most Catholics. And I can't say I believe anymore."

On its own that's not a troubling statement, but based on how Dimitri's life looks like it's spiraling out of control I doubt he found another source of meaning to replace his faith.

"Prayers feel empty?" I say.

"I stopped trying after that day five years ago. Because it turns out our life paths are decided by god or someone else just like they taught me, but the truth is more horrifying than what I could have imagined."

God or someone else… and in my case, a fusion of both.

"I'm sorry you had to go through what you did on that day," I tell him.

"That was the moment I realized I could never be worthy of you."

"Dimitri."

I wish I could reach through the computer screen and pull him into a hug.

"It's true," he says. "You were out there like a knight in shining armor. Protecting me, Ignatz, and Ashe. Even Lysithea was helpful. But I was a liability."

"Nobody's expecting you to be a renowned warrior. Most people in this world are civilians, Dimitri. There's no shame in not being trained to fight and kill."

"And yet you are."

I shrug. "I've been living in this sort of world for a long time. People like me are objects to be used and crushed rather than being allowed to have our own stories. My parents offered to train me to protect myself, and I thought it was my chance to break out of that cycle of being tread upon."

"And did the killing give you freedom?"

I purse my lips. I took no joy in killing Imperial soldiers who were conscripted to fight in a war that made Edelgard rich and powerful while the rest of her people suffered. But the cops… while I want to say I only fought them to protect the people I cared about, I can't deny that I enjoyed putting the trigger-happy ones in the dirt. To show them even for a dying moment what it was like to have everything taken away by someone cold and uncaring. I hate myself for looking fondly at those deaths, but I've learned that showing compassion to the powerful means letting your guard down if they want to hurt you in the future.

"I'm not sure," I say, "But I can't stop seeing myself as a victim of fate."

He nods in understanding. "Who is it that gets to control their own destiny, Claude? How brutal and powerful do you have to be?"

Good question. I'm not sure I have the answer.

"Sometimes, I think that someone must stop this cycle of the strong trampling the weak," Dimitri says. "But it's hopeless."

"I don't know about that," I say. "There are ways we can help. If we're kind to other victims of fate like us, we can all band together and make a difference."

"But that's not what you've been doing, has it?" Dimitri says. Gaze narrowing, "Why did you run off to that alternate dimension for five years? Assuming it even exists, anyway."

I walk him through the basic events of what happened in Fódlan, with a quick introduction about what was going on during our time at school and spending the meat of the explanation of the events of the war.

"So our dear homeroom teacher is a warlord with godlike power." Dimitri smirks. "Is that the strength you need to control your own fate? The powers of a god?"

"I guess so. None of our paths would be the same if they chose differently."

In fact, what would have happened if Byleth had been assigned to the Golden Deer instead of the Black Eagles? If they joined the war on Edelgard's side to protect the students they taught, they could have ended up on the other side of the war if they worked with me for that year instead. I hate how much I want that reality. I should want to claim my own future rather than relying on Byleth's whims to be allowed to exist.

"And the reason you went there so often," Dimitri says, "Was to protect us."

"Still is. It's the one way I could help."

Not that I have a great track record of keeping my classmates alive. I did a decent job keeping civilians out of the line of fire, but my friends in Fódlan wanted to leave their mark on the world as well. Marianne, Raphael, Judith, Mercedes, Leonie, Petra, Felix. Did I make the right choice by honoring their free will instead of locking them up in towers to keep them safe? Their Earth versions never got to make a choice about getting dragged into this, and they still took the fall.

"How the hell did you manage to go through two schools at once?" Dimitri says. "The rest of us were overwhelmed by our school alone."

"Which is why I needed so much help on homework. Thanks for that, by the way."

"If I knew you were protecting me, I would have helped you in more ways."

"You were perfect as you were."

Dimitri's eye twitches. "You don't have to pretend, Claude. I know it's been five years. Did you find your special someone yet?"

Ah, relationships. I haven't had time to think about it much, actually. I would have married in Fódlan if there were any good political alliances I could seal with it, but there was no point in my situation. The two candidates were Hilda and Lysithea, and I was already tight-knit with Hilda's brother while Lysithea's family isn't powerful enough to warrant an alliance.

"Not since you," I say. "Nobody speaks to me in quite the same way."

"But why? I was nothing special, even back then. And now I'm the most undesirable man in the world."

"Whoa there." I make a hand motion for him to slow down. "Don't get ahead of yourself. There are some seriously undesirable men out there."

"Answer the question, Claude."

I catch a slight growl at the end of the sentence. Should I be worried about that? Right now, my best course of action is to keep him talking.

"There are plenty of people I enjoy as friends," I say, "But you're the only person who speaks to my heart. The version of you here, I mean. For some reason, I have no interest at all in the Fódlan version of you."

"Your words are cheap. You might even believe them at this moment. But there are better people for you than me."

"Is this why you wanted to say goodbye?" I ask. "So that you could convince yourself that everyone else is better off without you?"

"Well, they are, but that's not the point."

"It sure as hell is."

His eye widens for a moment. "Oh."

"What?"

"I'm not planning on taking my life, Claude."

He's… not?

"I might be a pathetic excuse for a human being," Dimitri says, "But I'm not suicidal. Yet, anyway. I wanted to say goodbye because I can tell the police are about to catch up to me soon."

"Are they still chasing after you because of what happened five years ago?"

He averts his gaze. "No, I was considered a victim in that case. They were looking to arrest you, though, so it was good that you disappeared when you did. But a lot has happened since then."

From his tone, I decide not to push it. I can fill in most of the blanks on my own anyway. Dimitri's a cornered animal who can't ever escape back to that place of security.

"I can ask Robin and Lucina to help," I say. "You've met Robin, and Lucina is like a sister to me. I'm sure we can come up with something."

"Get dragged into this and you'll suffer alongside me," Dimitri says. "I'm not going to stop you from throwing your life away, but you're an idiot if you do."

Like that's going to stop me. But…

"Are the police intent on killing you?" I say.

"That's not what they say, but I'm guessing that's how it will end up. Apparently I'm too dangerous to be taken alive. They're not even wrong about that."

If something's threatening Dimitri's life here, I know what it means. I take a deep breath.

"There is something I can do to help," I say, "That doesn't require me to take on the police."

And if Dimitri's caused a tenth of the damage here as he has in Fódlan, the police are actually justified in trying to stop him from causing any more harm. I'm not sure I want to get into these moral dilemmas of having to fight cops that aren't the corrupt cronies Thales sent after me.

"If there's a threat to you here," I say, "It means something is going on in Fódlan. If I take care of that situation, you should be safe."

Though I'm not sure what I can do in Fódlan right now. Byleth promised to keep my former classmates safe, and if they go back on their word I know I won't be able to hold them accountable. Fódlan's future is out of my hands.

But I have to try. I couldn't live with myself if I don't.

"Again," Dimitri says. "I can't stop you, but realize that you're risking your life for nothing."

"I value your life as much as my own. And I will protect you, Dimitri. I love you."

Dimitri flinches. "You're saying that to make me feel better."

"And because it's true. If we both make it through this, I want us to have another chance. Start a real relationship."

He frowns. "If we're aromantic, doesn't that mean…?"

"Aro people can still be in long-term relationships. Like best friends forever soulmates, but we're also attracted to each other."

Dimitri shrugs. "For now, my fate is out of my hands. If it's in yours or the cops'… Well, I'm not foolish enough to hope. But-" he coughs into a fist. "I still love you too. My life would be easier if I didn't, if I could face death with nothing tethering me to this world. But those feelings won't go away."

Now I don't have a choice. I need to win for both of us.

"The next time I see you," I say, "We'll both be safe. Then we can start again from the beginning."

He meets my gaze. "There are some parts of the past we can't color over."

"Then we'll work through those parts together. I hear so much talk about this country giving people second chances, but we didn't even get our first. Once we're in control of our destinies, we can work through everything together. Even if it hurts."

A long pause. Did I say something wrong? Despite everything I've been through, love is one area I have no experience in.

"You really do care, don't you?" Dimitri says.

"I do. I'll see you soon, okay?"

A nod. "Goodbye for now."

The goodbye still worries me, but Dimitri was casual enough about saying he wasn't planning to take his own life that I believe him. He shuts off the video chat, and I slump back into my chair.

Back to Fódlan for me. Byleth, here I come.

Hey, everyone. :) I know I've been MIA for a little, but I have been working on this fic. Grad school has a habit of eating up my time (yes, I will keep using that excuse until I finish the fic).

Most of this chapter surprised me because I only realized when I sat down to write it that Claude doesn't know what happened to Byleth in the interludes. It was interesting for me to explore how he sees Byleth, and how he hates them not for who they are but for the power they wield and how that affects everyone around them.

And once again this dumb site ruined my texting format so I centered all of Claude's lines. I know they look weird but if this site doesn't have the basic functionality to right-align text then I'm going to protest by not manually spacing everything out.

Review Reponse: Dictator Mags: We'll see! :) I definitely have ideas for them but even I'm not sure at this point how it's all going to come together.