The first thing Adam does with his decision to keep helping Michael is to invite him and Benny to the new flat for a movie and game night as he imagined not long ago. Sam is happy to have Adam's friend and Michael over when Adam asks. So they decide on friday night when Adam is finished with school for the week, Sam comes home earlier and Michael doesn't have any appointments the day after.
On his way back from his last class, Adam almost flies home. He gets popcorn, beer and a small variety of non-alcoholic drinks from the store then tries to make the living room a bit more comfy with TV blankets he bought from some small shop around the campus and a little cleaning. They still don't have a TV but Sam has a projector he sometimes uses to demonstrate something to a larger group of clients and they have a perfectly nice white wall so it will be more like a home cinema when they draw the curtains and turn off the lights.
Sam comes back from work with the projector and a big paper bag which reveals Monopoly, Jenga and Taboo. "I was going to get Twister. Michael could spin for us but I am… You also aren't exactly tiny, so, you know…" Sam trails off gesturing to the relatively narrow living space with a small pout that would look better suited on a toddler's face and Adam laughs.
"A wise decision. Honestly, I don't think Benny would have liked to play twister with a small and a bit smaller giant. Especially given he is only slightly shorter than me. Also he is like, ripped so he would totally crush us if he were to fall." Sam too chuckles at the mental image even though he saw the other man maybe twice all added up.
Michael is the first to arrive with his group therapy ending right on time and his assistant mostly done with everything. Adam greets him with a big smile. This is the first time Michael is here and the older man looks around with an expression almost as happy as Adam's. Out of nowhere, he pulls out a small package and ceremoniously hands it to Adam. "Probably the first piece of decoration for your new place. I hope you like it. I saw it in Jo's office. She gave me the Etsy link. It made me happy so maybe it will help here too."
Adam doesn't know what to say to that so he settles for thanking him and slowly opening the package. Sam comes out of his room and sees the colorful gift too. It's the first new house gift they receive and the little thing manages to put a smile on Sam's face too. "Thank you, Michael. Though having you here is a great gift on its own. I am glad you made it." He softly grabs his upper arms with curled hands and nods at Michael. The older man shakes his head but returns the gesture just the same. "For now, it's only the sign for 'hug' but I have my place reserved as the first person Michael will hug so don't even think about it, Adam."
"Didn't even cross my mind." Adam promises which is true. He was more thinking about how he couldn't come up with ASL himself. There are a million ways of saying or doing something without touching someone when it comes to sign language after all. Maybe it was true when Michael mentioned Sam is some kind of genius who knows a chunk of everything imaginable.
The party truly starts only when Benny comes bearing boxes and bags full of no doubt enough food to feed a village. Soon, they are all laughing, chatting over an early dinner and making bets for the games already. For some reason, Michael is very confident when it comes to poker and Sam is making puppy eyes at Benny and Adam to make them listen to him and refuse that game. Well, Adam has never backed out of a challenge before.
However, sometimes it is best to withdraw. One must know not to bite more than he can chew. A valuable lesson learned from tonight when Michael single handedly beats them all in every card game they can think of to play. "Even dad used to grumble about having created a monster, Michael. Have some mercy." Sam huffs as Michael openly laughs, throwing his head back and all. This is the very first time Adam sees him like this. Never would he have guessed Michael could love playing these games so much. If it means the man will always be in this good of spirits, Adam could take being beaten again and again. And-
Okay, that last thought kinda came out of nowhere but Adam is surprised to find he was all serious all of a sudden and trying to think of other games for two people to play with Michael. And he felt excited for some reason. Maybe he is happy with his friends and his brother who turned out to be a pretty decent person around him. Well that certainly explains his heart picking up a beat.
He shakes his head and focuses on something else. Having created a monster. Did John Winchester teach Michael how to play? Adam already knows their families were close so it's not a far-fetched possibility. Suddenly, he wonders about Michael's relationship with the late man. Also he once again asks himself how he couldn't notice before that Michael would also know lots about his father. But then again, what will he even do with that information?
A strong pat on his shoulder from Benny brings Adam back to the moment. He stands to make popcorn when Sam announces he is setting up their movie. The rest of the evening is spent marathoning Godfather. Sam and Michael team up to criticise everything about law in the movies including Michael Corleone's court scene in the second movie and his efforts to legalize later on. Adam doesn't understand the tiniest bit from their conversation and by the looks, Benny too doesn't. So the two of them settle for comparing Kay and Appolonia instead. One thing all four of them agree is that Mary Corleone inheriting Appolonia's fate kills her father in the end.
When they are done watching all three movies, it's well past two in the morning. Benny ruffles Adam's hair as he always does as he bids him goodnight, waves at Sam and leaves with Michael who looks tired but more content than Adam has ever seen him be.
Adam finally loses to the urge to open his desk drawer just the next day after hours and hours of thinking back to the revelation he had about his friend knowing his father better than him. Logically, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look through the journal that was for some reason unbeknownst to him left to the illegitimate, abandoned child that he is. Adam finally admits to himself that he- He actually wants to know more. There is something about those old pages and the nice handwriting he can't match with the distant parent in his head. That journal somehow draws Adam in.
So with a small sigh, he picks it up and goes back to sit on his bed.
19 August 1975
I am sticking to my plan of writing sparingly and only on important days. But still, I might be here more and more. I feel, with Mary, I will have many days I want to remember forever. This is the first as a family with her. She looks so beautiful, doesn't she?
Adam reads the lines and inspects the wedding photo. Indeed, the woman looks beautiful in her wedding dress. They are both smiling at the camera and if John's expression looks distantly impatient, it's because he can't wait to be done with the photo and look at his wife. His words above the photo are as hopeful as their hands joined in their youth. Yet- Their beautiful family was torn apart at last. Adam himself is the proof of it, isn't he?
With a quick motion, he turns the page not being able to bear the scene of undisturbed happiness in the old photo and knowing it was crumbled.
24 January 1979
Dean is here. He so perfect. He is small and he looks like Mary. I was at first afraid of holding him. The nurse made me sit down and helped me cradle Dean. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I can't believe it. I have a son. That tiny thing is mine. He is our baby. I can't believe I just became a father. They said Dean will come home with us. We will have a baby at home. I spent hours sitting by the bassinet as Mary slept. Will I even be able to sleep anymore when I can just sit in the nursery and watch over my son? It feels weird even writing this. My son. I have a son. My hands are shaking. I just cried out of nowhere before the nurse came in and showed Mary how to feed him. I helped too. Then I got to hold him again. He is so little. Is it even normal? Are newborns always that size? He is so quiet too. The nurse said Dean is very clever. He is being good because he knows we are new at this and learning. I know it's silly but what if it's true? Other babies are all wailing while my son just listens to Mary and I talking to him then he sleeps. And he sleeps so peacefully. He knows mom and dad are here to take care of him. Dad. I am his dad. I can't believe it. And I didn't believe it when people told me this is the best feeling in the world. I was obviously being an idiot. How did I even live twenty five years without Dean?
Adam can feel the smile John must have had on his face as he scribbled these words perched on a hospital chair. He reads the lines again and again. So this is how the man felt. He was overjoyed. He was in love with his wife. He had a son. He had everything. So this is how loving of a father he was. So this is what Adam's existence ruined. On the same page, there is the photo of a baby in a green blanket and a hospital bracelet around his small wrist. Adam avoids looking at it for long.
11 June 1981
I look back to my last entry and miss them even more. Mary went to her parents' house two weeks ago. This is the longest we have ever been apart. We always had fights even before having Dean but it was never like this. I am ashamed to admit I too have left home for two days once when Dean was five months old but that was already two years ago. I had used a large part of our savings to become a partner of the business and not just a simple mechanic working in the shop. It was for our child. I know I should have asked Mary first and she was right then but now, I just don't know. She answered my calls finally but she doesn't sound any better. We fought because of work again. I came home late for a few nights. I now own the shop but I still work on cars. What else can I do if I can't hire more than two other mechanics and one is on leave because he just lost his sister? I am still trying to replace the money I used to buy the entire place because Mary still doesn't like that I used that. I am trying for her and for our son. Why does this keep happening?
21 June 1981
They are back. I can't believe I spent an entire month separated from my son. He grew up a lot. Mary said he kept crying for me. Dean doesn't want his parents to fight. We should do better than this. Mary and I agreed to start over and think twice before we pull something like this again.
8 February 1982
We fought again. I was afraid it would escalate like the last time. It didn't. This time it was about Mary. She wants to send Dean to preschool and work with me at the shop. I have been teaching the job to her but Dean is just three. He is too young for school. I want us to take care of him instead of random teachers. Mary thinks I am being sexist and I am trying to trap her at home to look after children and do chores for the rest of her life. She was an independent girl and I understand being a stay-at-home mom isn't what she really wants from life. Maybe we should get a babysitter instead. I still don't like this.
10 December 1982
Mary is pregnant again. We learned just a few days ago. We sat and explained to Dean that he would have a baby to play with. He likes the idea for now. What scares me is Mary. She says morning sickness lately is getting to her. She is always tired, doesn't want to get out of bed, doesn't want to do anything… Mom says not to worry and this happens to pregnant women sometimes. Though she wasn't like this with Dean. I just hope both her and our baby stay healthy and strong. I love them both.
2 May 1983
Sammy scared us a great deal. He decided to come suddenly. He is a few days early according to the doctor but it thankfully isn't anything dangerous. He is a very loud baby. Not like Dean at all. But he is pretty healthy too. This little one looks more like my side of the family. He doesn't sleep nearly as much as Dean did too. As soon as I start talking to him, he opens his eyes and carefully looks at my face. He is listening, already trying to learn in my opinion. I know he will turn out a great man once he grows up. Apparently he is going to be so clever too. That's what Mary's mom says. I had an idea. Dean was acting a little clingy to Mary and he didn't really want to be around the baby when his grandparents brought him here so I told him he would be helping us teach Sammy everything because he is already big and he knows lots. After that he wanted to sit next to Sammy and started telling him all about preschool, colors, numbers and whatever he could think of. Watching them is something I will never forget in my life. Welcome Sammy.
Adam stops reading when the page ends. He sees a photo much like Dean's. There is also one showing Mary Winchester on a hospital bed with blue balloons tied to the sides along with John sitting next to her with Sam in his arms and Dean sitting between them looking at his baby brother. He hastily carries the journal back to the drawer.
Michael finds himself often thinking. He thinks about whatever Jo tells and teaches him. He thinks about his progress. He thinks about the past few months' events. He thinks about how eerily silent Dean is being. Normally, the man isn't one to stop his efforts at anything if he thinks he is right and if he has things he wants to have. Maybe Sam abruptly leaving hurt him more than either of the brothers anticipated. He doesn't know. He doesn't care.
To find he actually doesn't care shocks Michael to the core. For years, he and Dean shared their lives. They were going to get married. They would have been the happiest two people alive if they had. For four years, Michael held onto life just because he had Dean. He lost his brother. One wrong move of the other driver took his brother at the spring of his life away from him. Michael would have died of grief if not for Dean. He started treatment, wanted to get better just to be able to have Dean with him. So why? Now, why doesn't he feel devastated? Why didn't he cry after those first two weeks? Did he unconsciously accept he lost Dean forever while he was trying to find Adam then get him out of that man's grasp then help him again? Did Dean blaming him for going after Adam not hurt as much as it would otherwise have because of that? Was his focus on Adam rather than himself actually helpful? Was Dean's unacceptable behaviour lately enough to make Michael completely forget about him?
He was cheated on.
That knowledge should have destroyed him.
Why didn't it? Was it because he wasn't totally alone? Was it because he had Adam? And when he thinks of the younger man, when he thinks of everything Adam has done for him, why does he feel- Is it because he didn't have any friends for the last four years? And he genuinely likes spending time with Adam. Was it why he didn't feel as lonely as he would have after losing Dean? He remembers how empty the flat felt when Adam went to stay at Benny's. He remembers how he spent a whole night comfortably sleeping when Adam was lying just next to him when it would have normally freaked him out to stand that close to anyone? He remembers the days before that accident happened.
Lately, Michael is feeling closer to those days whenever him and Adam do something together. He is truly thankful. And hopeful.
He thinks back to last night and the games they played all together. He hasn't done anything like that in years. He bets Adam hasn't too. The younger man was having the time of his life while looking around like a small child awed at everything and unbelieving. All night, Michael found himself turning again and again to look at his big smile. He likes that look on Adam's face.