Instructive (Book Learning)

At the end of the next student council meeting, Maria was surprised when the president, Sirius Deek, finished off by saying, "If there is nothing else, I would like to speak to Miss Campbell, in private, for a few minutes."

"As would I!" Keith Claes snapped, rousing himself from the dejected slump he'd been in for most of the session.

Visibly perturbed, Sirius glanced at him and said mildly, "Would you mind waiting for a few minutes?"

"That's fine," said Keith, though the bitterness in his voice put the lie to his words. "I'll wait outside." He stood up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him with more force than was required.

"I suppose there is no reason for us to stay. Unless you have anything that you wish to say to anyone, Nicol?" said Prince Jeord, glancing at his friend who was sitting next to him.

"No," was Nicol's taciturn reply.

"Then we shall take our leave," said Jeord, getting up rather more calmly than the man who had left the room before him.

Nicol joined him a moment later, quietly and carefully closing the door as he left, as though he didn't want to disturb anyone.

Alone with the student council president, Maria had no idea what he could want to say to her. He surprised her by saying, "Miss Campbell, it occurs to me that I owe you an apology."

"For what?" she asked. Her mind was racing, considering a number of different possibilities, but the only one which seemed at all likely was that he was apologizing for thrusting her into the role of the student council's secretary at the beginning of the school year, while she was still too meek and shy to want to talk to anyone, without asking whether this was something she wanted.

"I acted opportunistically," said Sirius, giving her no clue as to what he was talking about. "It doesn't appear as if you have taken lasting harm from it, but you quite easily could have. Besides, I could see that you needed help, support, and someone friendly to talk to, but I didn't give you that. Instead, I took advantage of your condition."

Maria's initial assumption was that he was being overly dramatic in apologizing for giving her a role she didn't particularly want, but then it occurred to her that there was more to what he was saying than that. This was a confession, of sorts. At the beginning of the school year, when she was a frightened, bullied girl, he had noticed her distress and done nothing to help her. Since then, he had been eaten away by guilt and remorse because of his inaction, and now he wanted her to absolve him. At least, she assumed so. It was possible that she had misread this situation entirely, but she had no way of knowing if that was the case.

She decided to be forgiving. There was no point in holding a grudge. Besides, Sirius wasn't the only one who had turned a blind eye to her suffering when she first came to the Magic Academy. At least he had the decency to feel guilty about that fact, which made him a better person than the majority of his contemporaries. "I think it all worked out for the best," she said. "Honestly, I don't blame you in the slightest. If I hadn't been in such a miserable state, I might never have met my…" She hesitated, not wanting to give away too much. "My best friend, Katarina. She took pity on me one day, rescued me from a pack of bullies, and we've been friends ever since."

"It is to your credit that you can be so calm about this," said the student council president. "Nevertheless, the fact remains, I played a part in your victimisation. I hope you can forgive me."

"What's to forgive?" Maria shrugged. "You're not one of those who hurt me. You didn't do anything to help either, but neither did anyone else other than Katarina. At least you didn't make matters worse."

"But what if I did?" asked Sirius, an odd look on his face. "What if I made things worse for you, not for any good reason, but on the off-chance that I might gain something from it?"

"I don't know how you could have done that," said Maria with a nervous little laugh. "Look, there's no need for you to feel sorry for me, Lord Deek. I'm fine, I have good friends, and I'm happy. My life isn't perfect, but I can't complain. I know you feel guilty about what happened in my past, but please don't torment yourself. You don't deserve that."

"You're right," said Sirius in such a toneless voice that Maria couldn't tell if he believed what he was saying or if he was just trying to bring the conversation to a swift end. "Thank you for your understanding, Miss Campbell. Now, I believe Lord Claes wants to speak to you. I'll show him in, shall I?"

"Yes, please," said Maria.

He left and was immediately replaced by a very irritated Keith Claes. "What did you tell Katarina about me?" he demanded to know, as soon as he was sure that they weren't being overheard.

"Good afternoon to you as well," Maria replied. "Would you like to sit down?"

"I'd prefer to stand," he said stiffly. "Answer the question, please."

"I told her that you are not her half-brother, or any kind of close relative, and that you are in love with her."

A look of disbelief creased his face. "Why on earth would you do that? I thought you wanted her for yourself?"

"Despite her many admirers, she believes – or believed – that every relationship in her life has been 'transactional' and that no one could possibly love her for real. I wanted to show her the truth: she has an unusually large number of would-be suitors who adore her and want to be with her. Not just me," Maria explained. "Besides, I thought that I was doing you a favour. If Katarina chose you as her lover…" She took a deep breath, trying to convince herself that what she was about to say was true. "Well, I wouldn't get in your way. As long as she's happy."

Keith grimaced. "No doubt you'll be pleased to know that she hasn't chosen me. Quite the reverse, in fact. Earlier today, she informed me that, even though I am not a close blood relative of hers, she is 'unable to see me in a romantic light' because she has 'always seen me as a brother'. What a joke!" He threw back his head and laughed bitterly. "She has never seen me as a brother except when it was convenient for her to do so. Even when I was a little boy, she was already sizing me up as a potential future husband, just in case Jeord disappointed her. But now that she needs an excuse, she claims that she sees me as a brother. Honestly, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't such a ridiculous lie!"

"Even if you don't like the choice she made, she had a right to make it," said Maria.

He sighed. "Yes, I know that."

"The words she used… they obviously upset you, but perhaps she was trying to spare your feelings?"

"Why can't she be honest with me for once in her life? Honest with herself?" Keith complained.

"Are you sure that you want to discuss this with me, your love rival?"

He sighed. "Who else can I talk to? At least you know what she's like."

"I'm surprised you don't gather together a group of your male friends, head out to a nearby tavern, and spend the evening trying to 'drown your sorrows'," said Maria. "That would be a normal reaction to being turned down, from what I've seen."

"It's not as if I've ever claimed to be normal," said Keith with a trace of his old insouciance. He hesitated for a moment. "I suppose congratulations are in order."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Katarina turned me down," said Keith. "But she didn't turn you down, did she?"

"She has agreed to let me court her, but no more than that. Besides, she's still betrothed to Prince Jeord."

"But for how long? As you were telling me before, she wants to be rid of him." He gave an ironic bow. "I hope you will be very happy together."

"We're not together yet," said Maria, refusing to take anything for granted.

"I think she has made her choice already. You must have impressed her," said Keith. "Of course, it doesn't surprise me that she would dedicate herself to one person, like she did with Jeord. Adventurous as she is – and teasingly flirtatious as she may be – I've always suspected that Katarina is an old-fashioned monogamist at heart."

Scenting the bitterness in his words, Maria said, "No matter how disappointed you feel, I hope you won't stop being her friend. She is very fond of you. She was overjoyed when the two of you renewed your childhood friendship after your long estrangement."

He nodded. "I'll get over it. I always do."

"Are you sure that you'll be all right?" she asked.

"Yes, I have my own way of 'drowning my sorrows'," he said with a smirk. "I have plenty of money and the whores on Coneywarren Lane are always happy to see me."

"That's more than I wanted to know," she told him. "But… have a good evening, I suppose."

"Oh, I will," he said, turning to go. "Goodnight, Miss Campbell."

After he left, Maria stayed seated for a while longer. Talking with Keith had driven her earlier meeting with Sirius out of her mind, but now she felt the weight of two stressful conversations pressing down upon her. Drained and weary, shaking her head as though trying to clear away the cloud of confusion which turned her thoughts into garbled nonsense, she asked herself, "How did things get so complicated?"

In spite of everything, she hoped that all of her struggles and suffering would be worthwhile in the end. "Katarina is worth it," she told herself.

Since the ugly confrontation over tea in Katarina's apartment, Maria had made sure to visit Sienna every day. She knew that her friend was sad, lonely, and hurting inside; therefore, she was determined to look after her. It bothered her that she didn't have any other way to help. Mental illness wasn't something which could be cured with the judicious application of light magic. Or rather, it shouldn't be: the brain was a delicate instrument, one which careless use of magic could easily disrupt, and she had no desire to cause any permanent harm. All she could do was try to be as good and supportive a friend as possible.

When she had found out that Sienna had been absent from several lessons that week, Maria had visited the teachers of those lessons, apologized on her behalf, and asked if there was any make-up work she could be doing. They had given her some reading material and a few assignments, which she had taken back to Sienna, who hadn't been enthusiastic at the prospect of having any more work to do. However, Maria knew that her new friend's grades were average at best; if they fell any lower, she might get into trouble, which would be yet another problem to add to the pile she was already overloaded with.

Maria didn't know how to help someone to recover from depression, or unrequited love, or the abject misery which had caused Sienna to start cutting herself, but she had always been academically gifted. It was easy for her to explain the assignments and answer any questions her friend might have, after which she stayed to keep her company while she worked.

"Do you need me to heal you?" she asked, every time, as tactfully as she could.

"No, I'm fine," Sienna reassured her. "Thank you anyway."

Occasionally, they talked about other things. She was surprised to learn about Sienna's large collection of romance novels, all of which had titles such as The Queen and I, Her Seductive Sorceress, or Sophia and the Emerald Princess.

"I've never read a romance novel," Maria confessed. "Why do you enjoy them so much?"

"Uhh… they're good stories. Witty dialogue, well-rounded characters, and intricately clever narratives."

"Really?"

"Well, some of them are better than others." Sienna gave a snort of laughter. "Oh, who am I kidding? In actual fact, I… I imagine myself in place of the heroines of these books. They're everything I would like to be: fiercely independent; clever, capable, magically powerful, and having love affairs with beautiful women. I live vicariously through them."

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a good book," said Maria. She wasn't sure that it was healthy for Sienna to spend so much of her time wishing that she was someone else, but she didn't want to say anything to distress her.

"I've always known that Katarina doesn't feel… what I feel for her. Not for me. But I could read these books and imagine what it would be like. Her and me. The story of Sienna and the Duke's Beautiful Daughter."

"Is that the title of a novel you've started writing?" asked Maria, amused despite herself.

Blushing profusely, Sienna cried, "Oh no! I wouldn't dare!"

She turned away, hiding her face for a moment. Then, she got up, walked over to her bookshelf, selected a weighty tome, brought it back and pressed it into Maria's hands.

"You should read this," she said. "It's one of my favourites."

Maria glanced down at the front cover. The title was Sinful Sisterhood: A Story of Forbidden Love!

"It's not about incest, is it?" she asked uneasily.

"No, it's about a group of lesbian nuns," Sienna assured her. "You know… ever since I read that book, my parents think that I've become very devout. On a number of occasions, I've suggested that I might join a convent."

"I doubt that the reality of being a nun would be at all similar to how they are portrayed in your romance novel," Maria warned her.

"Perhaps not. But it's fun to dream, isn't it?"

"Um. I'm sure that the Church must have banned this book," Maria said nervously.

"Oh, yes! They banned it and then everyone bought a copy to see what all the fuss was about," said Sienna with a laugh. "It's one of the most successful romance novels ever!"

"If I'm found with it, how much trouble will I be in?"

"Don't worry about it. Most of the pupils at this school are young nobles, remember? A great many vices are tolerated among the children of the idle rich. As long as you don't flaunt it, you'll be fine."

"Thank you. I will read it," Maria promised her, putting the thick book away in her school bag, wedged between two other books.

"Good. I hope you like it," said Sienna.

Later, when Maria eventually started reading the romance novel which Sienna had recommended to her, she found it… surprising. And instructive. Surprisingly instructive. It gave her plenty of ideas for things to do with Katarina. Not just sex – although there was a profusion of that – but other things as well.

"Have you ever read any romance novels?" she asked Katarina one afternoon, trying to fight off the blush which came over her at the mere thought of what she'd been reading.

"A few," said the woman she loved, without much interest. "I tend to just skip to the naughty bits."

Knowing her as well as she did, Maria couldn't imagine Katarina sitting still for long enough to read more than a small section of a novel, unless she was continually supplied with tea and macarons for the duration.

"But if you do that, don't you tend to miss things?" she asked. "Character development, tension, plot twists and so on?"

"Yes, but on the other hand, it means that I can read an entire novel in less than an hour – and derive a great deal of enjoyment from it. I consider that a fair exchange."

"So… you enjoy reading fictional smut, do you?" asked Maria, grinning playfully at her.

"Only as much as you do," said Katarina. "You might as well admit it. I saw you blushing earlier, just before you asked me about romance novels." She gave Maria a sidelong glance. "What have you been reading?"

"Sienna lent me one of her favourites. It's called Sinful Sisterhood: A Story of Forbidden Love!"

"Oh, that. I have read it. I thought it was somewhat implausible how young most of the nuns were supposed to be. Including the Mother Superior, who achieved that exalted position at the ripe old age of twenty-seven. Also, she was naked for most of the novel, as I remember."

"She's naked in only one scene!" Maria cried, startling Miss Shelley, who'd just entered the room with a fresh pot of tea.

"I suppose it depends on how you read it," said Katarina with a smirk.

At the end of another week, when Sienna had completed all of her assignments, she sweetly planted a kiss on Maria's cheek and said, "Thank you for being here for me."

"Um. It's no trouble," said Maria, taken aback.

"How are you getting on with that book I lent you?"

"I've nearly finished. I'll give it back to you by the end of next week."

"There's no hurry. Take as long as you need."

"I won't need much longer. I'm a fast reader," said Maria.

Sienna glanced shyly back at her. "If things were different between us… If you hadn't fallen in love with Kat, do you think that we… Would I have had a chance with you?"

There was a pause while Maria's brain struggled to process this latest development. After a few moments, she said firmly, "You are not in love with me."

"No, I'm not," Sienna admitted. "But if I could choose… In many ways, I think that you would have been a better choice than Kat."

Silence filled the moments which followed, while Maria considered what to say next. "If she hadn't taken such an interest in me, would you even have given me a second glance?"

"Probably not," said Sienna, who was too honest for her own good. "Although, I might have joined the girls who bullied you. Perhaps it would have made me feel better about myself, for a while."

"That's what I thought," said Maria.

"Of course, I would have been wrong to do that," her friend said unnecessarily. "You don't deserve to be treated like that."

"I don't think anyone does."

"No, but we don't always get what we deserve, do we? Life is like that sometimes." Sienna sighed sadly. "You are a lovely person, Maria. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I hope… I hope you will be happy."

"Thank you, Sienna. Have a good evening."

"And the same to you," was the reply. "Have a nice life, Maria."

Hearing that, Maria, who had been getting ready to leave, turned to look at her friend with narrowed eyes. "You're not about to do anything foolish, are you?"

"I'll be fine," said Sienna. "You don't need to worry about me."

"I don't have so many friends in this world that I can afford to lose any of them. I'll see you tomorrow. Or else."

"Or else what?"

"Or else I'll never forgive you," Maria said fiercely.

Sienna laughed, a little uneasily. "I appreciate your strength of feeling," she said. "And it's reassuring to know that you care about me. I promise that I won't do anything silly. Is that all right?"

"All right," said Maria with a nod. She wasn't sure that she had handled the situation as well as she possibly could have, but she hoped that she'd done enough. "Tomorrow, then?"

"Tomorrow," said Sienna, nodding back at her.

Author's Note:
Originally, I had planned to include a scene in which Maria would talk to Katarina about Jeord, but I decided that it didn't really fit in with this chapter. Instead, I'll include it as the first part of the next chapter.

Also, I hope that the meeting with Sirius in this chapter helps to explain what was going on in with the dark magic in chapter 10. Or, considering that Maria didn't understand what he was hinting at, maybe not.