Only Human

by effinsusie

[COMPLETE] Winter is coming, and Kagome is prepared. A thoughtless wish binds Kagome to Sesshoumaru

35. To Die For (Finale part 1)

A/N: So, I know I said this was gonna be the finale. And it is!

but just the 1st half, lol. Something crazy happened, and the chapter got way too long (I know, shocker right?), so after some debate, I decided to make it a 2-parter. I'd say the 2nd half is more than halfway done at least, but I got a few scenes to go, then editing. but now that this is out of my hair, I think the rest should be more manageable for me.

Enjoy, and prepare for flashback!

---

200 years ago...

When Sesshoumaru crossed the threshold into the Western Lord's study, he preened at successfully entering the fortress undetected.

He was a master of stealth, true, but his youki was imposing. It required a great deal of skill to mask it completely, particularly considering the sharp-nosed inu soldiers of the famed Western Army.

He was not second in command simply by virtue of being his father's son; Sesshoumaru's position as lieutenant had been earned by merit alone. Nepotism played no role in in the young demon's elevated position. In reality, his father was the lone reason he wasn't ranked higher.

Though it would not be so for long.

He deflated a touch once he realized Inu no Taisho was not in the vicinity. His accomplishment sneaking into the great general's study was decidedly less impressive without Lord of the West there.

Though he could detect his mother way off in the east wing, and she was no easier to evade than her mate. But Sesshoumaru couldn't count it as a win.

He required his victories to be undisputed facts, and that was what merited his presence.

From the Western Lord's chair, he scanned the room and reflected on his most recent travels.

Three weeks ago, he embarked on his patrols. As lieutenant in his father's army, and heir to the Western Lands; Inu no Taisho's duties were being passed off to him with increasing regularity.

The general was in no way weakening. Not physically.

In fact, he was stronger than ever before. But so was Sesshoumaru.

He'd had an ulterior motive for taking off on this particular route of patrols.

The heir had his sights on any youkai rumored to be the strongest in his lands. He would challenge each one, testing their mettle and his own to prove - to himself, and everyone else - that he was the strongest demon alive. And he had succeeded.

The first youkai was dispatched with minimal effort. It was child's play, much to his dissatisfaction.

The second made a more respectable effort, but was defeated with such gruesome brutality that by the time he located the third; the lord was so wrought with terror that he soiled himself upon the daiyoukai's arrival, crying and begging pitifully for his life.

Disgusted by the cowardly display; Sesshoumaru refused to engage the pathetic youkai, cursing him to live out his days with the memory of his shameful defeat. For one such as the Western Prince, it was a far more harrowing fate.

After that, word had spread that the general's son sought the strongest among them to prove himself superior, and none were willing to test the inuyoukai's claim. It was disappointing.

He was so looking forward to finding a worthy opponent. It appeared only one now remained.

Sesshoumaru was born and bred to become the most powerful demon in existence, and everyone knew what exactly that entailed.

To prove himself fully worthy of the title; he must vanquish the strongest demon in the land. That just happened to be his father.

Toga knew this as well; it was a difficult truth. Instinct demanded his self-preservation, but even more; the security of his line. The ultimate success as a male and a father is to rear an heir even stronger than himself. If Sesshoumaru could conquer him; it meant he had succeeded, his line would live on, and he could be proud.

Sesshoumaru was conflicted when he realized this as a young pup.

If he was to be the most powerful demon of all, he would need to defeat his sire in battle.

He admired his father greatly. He had certainly been guilty of tremendous hero worship in his youth, and none could blame him. Inu no Taisho was the most impressive and frightening demon the West had ever known. A legend in his own time.

The young heir had attempted to remedy this troubling eventuality by devising another method to prove himself superior. One that did not require him to take the life of the demon he idolized. But he realized the folly in this logic.

If he simply bested him in battle - even if his father did deign to yield - it would not be enough.

There would be those who would question his true prowess, and rightfully so, he conceded.

Regardless, the point was moot. The great dog general would not damage his pride by admitting defeat at the hands of his son, or anyone. Sesshoumaru finally accepted that he would one day be forced to kill him.

As he aged, the heir's hero worship grew into something more sinister.

Inu no Taisho was his rival. He was a living, sentient symbol of the young demon's inadequacies. And as long as he drew breath; it announced loudly to the world that Sesshoumaru was not the best. That he was still weaker than his father. But that was no longer the case.

This three-week quest had proved that there was only one demon worth fighting, and if Sesshoumaru desired his rightful place as undisputed master and lord over the Western Realm – a being of unrivaled strength and power; he would have to dispatch him.

Deciding the time had come; Sesshoumaru eagerly returned to his homestead only to find that satisfaction had eluded him once more. His father was not on the premises, and the tips of his poison claws made a sacrifice of the priceless antique armchair when he realized where the Western Lord likely was.

And for as much as he hated it; he let his loathing consume him. It made it easier to do what he knew he knew he must.

"You're home." His mother's elegant voice drew him from his lament, surprising him with her sudden appearance into the study. That she could still avoid his detection irked him, but her own stealth was a thing of legend. He learned from the best.

She looked on with pride for only a moment, before a deep foreboding claimed her perfect features in a rare act of betrayal.

"How were your patrols?" she asked calmly, letting herself further inside the large room.

As she crossed to stand before him; her son rose respectfully, and she smiled. He'd been brought up well.

That fact was made clearer each day, and prevalent pride owned her aura. Yet conflict brewed within that she had not anticipated, pitting well-bred instinct against irrational, ceaseless heart pangs that only seemed to intensify with each passing year. It was getting harder to keep hidden, but she managed it beautifully.

"Uneventful, unfortunately." His response was stiff as his spine, square as his shoulders, and cold as the heart in his chest, even as he spoke to his own mother.

Just as he'd been trained to be, but Inukimi frowned nonetheless. A rare glance past her own practiced façade.

"I see. I am sorry to hear that."

He didn't respond, simply matched her weighty stare until she said what she wished. She was one of the few who could trounce him, but she was quick to concede this time.

"So, tonight is the night, then?"

He continued to glare a moment, until he could discern the worry which slightly outweighed the admonishment. He didn't need to answer.

"When is Father to return?" He cut his gaze to the window in a way that could be read as anxiety or dismissal. Neither option pleased her.

"I suspect it should not be long."

He was clearly distracted as another long silence ensued, and she studied him in that time while considering how to communicate with her only child. It was getting more difficult with every attempt.

Luckily, the direct approach was his way, and the one she often favored.

"Do you intend to make a widow of me, son?"

Her face remained impassive as his gaze slid back to hers. Imperceptibly startled at first; he quickly corrected through narrowed lids.

"You know that I must."

She knew his impassivity was just as honest as hers. None other would see it, but as his mother; his inner turmoil was plainly obvious.

"There are none who doubt your terrible strength and power," she informed him coolly. "Yet you insist on diminishing our family."

Something resentful flashed in his eyes, and the beginnings of a sneer slid up his deadly fang. His voice hardened in a way that no longer required effort, or practice.

"Incorrect," he countered darkly. "You may lay the blame for that at the feet of Father's ningen whore."

The violent crack burned his ears as it echoed through the hollow room, but the painful sting of his mother's strike affected his pride more than his cheek. Not that it didn't hurt. The brutal slap she delivered him send his face violently to the side.

He kept his head turned until the pain subsided, and churning honey regained prominence over receding red.

"You will not speak ill of your father," she commanded coldly, readjusting her clothing as she forced herself to calm. "And that woman is a princess; you shall afford her the proper respect."

His surprise at seeing his mother's rare slip in control was quickly outdone by incredulity, then rage at her demand.

The crimson had not bled out completely, and now his sneer was not so well concealed.

"How can you defend the woman who at this very moment is laying beneath your mate-"

Another loud crack, and violent snap to the side as she struck him once again on the same cheek.

This time, the physical pain was worse, and his bloody gaze was a two-way lens as his beast scraped to be freed. But though his glare promised death; he would not retaliate.

"It is not your business, son," she told him clearly, demanding obedience with the ferocity she reflected.

Her priorities confounded him, and saw him turning suspicious. Through that new lens; he had a demand of his own.

His lids narrowed dangerously, along with the pupils that bisected amber, almond-shaped eyes.

"What is your relationship to that woman?"

She willed down her own incredulous rage, and it became clear where he'd inherited his defiant streak.

"I would not, if I were you, ask questions to which you do not want the answers."

His disgusted snarl warred the tint of mockery in her measured tone, and he had to look away.

He recalled the handful of times he'd scented the human woman's pleasure mingling with his mother's scent. The loathing he felt for his father then had been all the push he needed to make his denouncement complete. Apparently, he was foolish to assume it simply something residual, and cursed himself now for being so willfully blind to the truth.

But it took nothing away from the contempt he felt for the once-great demon. It only doubled his shame of having both parents brought low by the temptations of human women.

If he was getting it from both ends, what chance did he have at avoiding the same, pathetic fate?

No, he would be different. He would be stronger. And he vowed to himself right then that he would never be so cavalier, so careless as to compromise his status or his lands, or the future of demon kind for the meager pleasures of mortal flesh.

The sobering revelation settled his festering rage, and his mother noticed the change in smoldering eyes that looked back at her now.

"It matters not," he assured her, in something not quite a growl. "Once I dispatch him, she will hold no claim to our family."

"Is that so?" Her amusement was never good, especially when he was angry and confident. The slight curving of her mouth caused him to worry. "I suppose he has not told you then."

"Told me what?"

Dread began to set in as she held his unblinking gaze dramatically.

"Izayoi is with child."

His eyes grew wide in disbelief, and she seemed to enjoy, at least in part, the stunned silence as she watched her words register inside his stubborn, haughty brain. "She will deliver any minute. It is why your father is not here."

"No!" was all he could bark out as he felt the panic start to swell.

Her careless calm only incited him further.

"Yes. She will birth your little brother."

"No half breed will ever be This One's brother," he told her fiercely, flashing his fangs in response to the threat. "I shall kill her first."

It was not an emotional response, nor an idle promise.

Her son didn't make such declarations unless he meant them, and he was more than capable of seeing them through.

He wasn't so heartless as to kill innocent women indiscriminately, but she knew he'd take no issue if he perceived them as a threat. Even his own blood in their veins would not save them. In fact, that right there was enough to seal their fates.

Once he was lord, there would be nothing she could do to stop him. There was little she could do now, save for appealing to his honor. His goodness, she feared, was no longer within reach.

"How can you be so cold?" she asked him, letting her disappointment shine through. He curled his lip, and then his fingers into a fist as he spoke with disdain.

"I would consider it an act of mercy."

She watched him seethe, and looked on sorrowfully as her only son confirmed her suspicions; solidifying her regret.

"Have we been so neglectful of our duties as parents?" she demanded to know. "We raised you strong and hard, yet somehow bereft of any measure of compassion."

He glowered at her darkly.

"You shall see where compassion will get him."

There it was. The answer she didn't need.
And she only had herself, and her mate to blame.

Sesshoumaru's unrivaled supremacy had always been the clan's top priority.

With him, their legacy would be secure, and along with it; the future of their kind would be in capable clawed hands.

With him, they were going to ensure that power never fell into the lap of any who would use it irresponsibly. Anyone too weak to keep it, or too greedy to keep it just.

Sesshoumaru was brought up carefully; meticulously manufactured to encompass the values and priorities a great leader needed to prevail in their society. Not to mention the personal strength and power to keep all others at bay.

Through him, civilized youkai would know the path to greatness, and ensure proper order was maintained. The inuyoukai would be at the forefront, with him at the tippy top to preside over all their prosperity, and discourage lesser beings from dragging them down into tyranny or chaos.

And they got what they wanted. Her son was all those things and more. But they'd overlooked one small aspect of his upbringing that honestly, they never thought they'd need to address or instill. Looking back now, it was foolish of them. Arrogant.

A soft heart and inclinations toward the emotional could easily lead to perversion and defeat. But they had their place as well, and in trying to make him fearless and incorruptible; it appeared they'd overcorrected, and eliminated his ability to empathize all together.

He couldn't even recognize the necessity for such things, and that was a dangerous blind spot that could prove quite detrimental.

But there was nothing she could do about it now. Particularly not while in his current state. She hoped it wasn't too late to correct her terrible oversight, but for now, she had bigger fish to fry.

She needed to talk him down from completing his final rite of passage. The moment he'd been training for his entire life.

"He has defeated you many times before, Sesshoummaru," she saw fit to remind him.

"He will not win this time."

He spoke with confidence, and she knew it was justified. Finally, she lowered her head in acknowledgment; defeated.

"I know."

There was a sadness to her resignation, and he well understood why. But it irked, and offended him that his mother was bereft any pride.

This was what she'd wanted. What she'd been training him for since birth.

He'd far exceeded every trial and expectation laid out for him, and this would be no different.

She could mourn her mate. Despite all of their differences; he would mourn the great demon too.

But he was her only child. Her son. And an impressive one at that. Could she not muster a tinge of pride in that sorrowful gaze? Or would he only ever know regret as she looked upon him henceforth?

He didn't need it, of course. He'd been raised to need nothing, or no one besides himself.

She may not admire him – and after this conversation, the feeling was quite mutual – but she would respect him. Mother or not, he would be lord after today, and fear, and respect was all he would require. He would have it from every last one of them, and he would more than earn it.

"Please, Sesshoumaru. Not tonight." She saw his resolve setting in, his resignment, and knew she was running out time. And options. He was not susceptible to appeals of the heart, and she was not one make them. But it was her only hope, and her last resort. "At least let him live to meet his son. A boy should get to lay eyes on his father at least once."

He was not looking particularly permissive, and perhaps she hadn't set herself up well for his acquiescence. But she grabbed his sleeve to relay her desperation.

"After all we have given you; grant him this."

He studied her carefully in silence, before casting a pointed glance down to where his mother grasped his fine clothing.

She could see relying on sympathy for his father was not going to be fruitful.

In his eyes, taking that human had been a betrayal to their society, as well as him personally. Not to mention pupping the girl. All the good her mate had done over his lifetime was snuffed out, leaving behind only a stain on his legacy. A contradiction to everything he'd taught him. A shameful hypocrite, where the greatest demon to ever rule used to stand.

He'd thrown away his son's idealized image of him for a few nights of pleasure, and that likely cut deeper than the scandalous act itself.

"Then if not for him; do it for me, your mother." She tugged on his sleeve a little harder, and demanded his eyes on hers. He'd never seen her plead so shamelessly, and he found the display more than a little unsettling. "Please, Sesshoumaru. Give me one more day with him."

Killing the Inu no Taisho would be his crowning achievement. It was to be the defining moment of his life. The day when all will know of his surpassing his great father. After that, he would never need to prove his worth to anyone again. Not even himself.

Then, the true hard work would begin. There were sure to be a few foolish enough to test his power, and ensure his victory was not a fluke, but they would be handled swiftly and permanently.

Once the word was out; they would all fall in line, and he could finally get these lands in order to his high standard. And he certainly wouldn't waste his influence on persuading human women to his bed.

His people deserved better than that. They deserved a ruler who would focus on securing their unrivaled place on top of the food chain, and eliminating anyone who did not serve to progress his vision as he deemed necessary.

Of course, females weren't off the menu all together. Once things were running smoothly, a youkai female or two could serve as a just reward, and aid in some long-overdue relief after his centuries of hard work. Not that he had any difficulty procuring them before, but there were certain benefits to being Lord of the Western Lands that he was not beyond enjoying.

But that would come after. Business came first, and only after his successes would he allow himself to reap the spoils of all he had earned.

Both their attention snapped over to the sound of the door sliding open.

When his father entered the study, his mother shot him a pleading glance.

"Ah, Sesshoumaru!" he greeted merrily, and the younger inu straightened respectfully in reflex. "Welcome home, my son. How were your patrols?"

"Uneventful." He watched the youkai remove his swords and armor by the door. He refused to look at his mother, though he could feel her burning glare as he watched his father put his things aside and make a beeline for the bar.

"Is that so?" he asked, not looking up as he fixed himself a drink of fine demon liquor. "Come; tell me all about it."

Sesshoumaru frowned as a second glass was poured from the same bottle.

He could hold his drink; they both could. But he'd been preparing for this night his whole life, and it would not do to have any impairment claiming responsibility for his inevitable win.

There would be no question that it was his power alone which afforded him victory. He did not need demon alcohol aiding him even one iota.

"Kimi, will you leave us please?" he asked his mate with a kind grin. "We need to talk among us males."

With a glass in each hand, he crossed to the pair at last.

His mother flashed him a pointed, pleading glance, but eventually demurred.

She left the room, sliding the door closed behind her just as Inu no Taisho handed his son his drink.

"So, I heard you made Lord Haki piss himself."

He took the drink, but had no intention of drinking it, and remained still until his father rounded his desk and took a seat.

With a broad gesture to the chair behind him, he was instructed to do the same. He only hesitated a moment before he complied to the general's order.

"It was not as disgusting as watching a grown demon beg for his life."

A short laugh of pure amusement was the snide youkai's reward, right before Toga took a greedy, apparently long-awaited sip from his glass.

"You had best get used to it, my son," he warned. "Your reputation has grown to precede you. Not a demon alive wishes to stand against you in battle."

There was pride in this youkai's tone, and he found himself slightly mollified by that. Though his father was apparently not as intuitive as his mother. Either way, he would not be deterred.

"Not a demon alive is worthy to," he informed him, earning a grunt of agreement as the older dog took another sip. "Save for one."

Toga looked up to find his only son staring at him with rapt intensity, and understanding dawned on battle-worn features as he lowered his glass.

"I see." Though slightly more serious than a moment prior, it was not nearly enough for Sesshoumaru's tastes. Did he not consider him a threat? "You believe the time has come, then."

"Do you not?" he asked, a bit more defensive than he'd intended.

He smiled again, with far less humor than before, and set his liquor down.

"I fear the next time I spar with you, shall be my last."

"Indeed it shall," Sesshoumaru assured him with an approving nod.

He set his untouched drink down on the table beside him, and tried not to look wary as his father scrutinized him from his seat.

"Will you kill me tonight?"

Everything inside him screamed yes. Tonight was the night, there was no use putting it off any further.

But the alcohol thing still bothered him. It hadn't been much, but still. He needed that undisputed victory so bad he could taste it.

Another reason for his hesitance was his mother. He should not be swayed by her request, but he couldn't find the harm in it. It was reasonable, he supposed, to wish for one last day with one's lover.

"Mother has requested one more day by your side," he finally said. "For her, I will grant it."

"Very generous of you," he replied. The amusement in his eyes only made the mockery chafe that much more. "It may allow me the chance to be with Izayoi when-"

"You would go to her?" Sesshoumaru's composure quickly crumbled, shocking his father with the rare display. "Your mate lobbies for your final hours, and you will go to your human mistress instead? Have you no honor?"

Sesshoumaru's temper saw him overstepping his bounds quite often. Maybe he just had that effect on him. But as the respect and regard eroded over the years; Toga found it aimed at him with dwindling restraint. Perhaps it was the piper's due.

He'd needed to take drastic measures to ensure his heir grew to be as tough as the world required. It was inevitable that he monster he fed would one day be fit to take the mantle, and turn it on him.

"Tomorrow, Izayoi will birth me a son," he explained, chin held high in obvious pride of his accomplishment. Sesshoumaru's features only darkened.

"So your answer is no."

"Your mother wishes for me to meet my son. That is why she makes such a request. She will be satisfied with having me for the night."

Would she? Would his honorable mother truly be pleased to have one final night with her mate of several centuries, only to have him rush off the next morning to spend his final moments with his other family? His human family?

How could she perceive that as anything but a slight?

"Once I am gone, it falls to you to protect him."

The request startled him out of his lament, before twisting his face disdainfully.

"I will do no such thing."

"He is your brother."

"No half breed filth shall ever be my brother."

In the menacing staring contest that ensued; Toga spent the occasion trying to discern if it was finality or defiance that ruled his eldest son's response.

He suspected more the latter, but he knew how stubborn the pup could be. And he knew he hadn't the luxury of time to persuade him. He'd have to take a different route.

"Hn. So be it." The general leaned back then, fully resigned to his fate, and lifted the liquor to his lips once more. "He will be born in the evening, so I must handle some business then before we battle."

"What will you do?" Sesshoumaru asked, carefully observing his father's questionable demeanor.

"I need to meet with Totosai one last time. I have some instructions for him upon my death."

"What instructions?" His curiosity was gearing more towards suspicion, but it had more to do with how casual the inu was acting while faced with the very likely prospect of his impending death.

Then again, the tough old bastard had never shied away from his fate.

Toga shook his head, and stood.

"You needn't worry yourself," he assured him dismissively, and took his empty glass back over to the bar. "I will also pay one last visit to my old friend Ryuukotsai. He claims to have a matter of great importance to discuss. After, I will go to Izayoi for the birth, and then I am all yours."

Sesshoumaru wanted to get this over with now, and he considered denying his father the shameful rite of welcoming his bastard into the world. If he wanted to do him a favor, he would kill him before he ever had the chance.

But what was the harm? This time tomorrow, he would be Lord of the Western Lands, and everyone – including himself - would know without a shadow of a doubt, that he, Sesshoumaru, was the most powerful demon there ever was.

He was reluctant to agree, but he fought against his better judgement, and complied. "Very well."

"Good boy," he praised, returning with his freshly filled glass. But instead of reclaiming the spot at his desk, he sat in the chair right beside his son. "Now, before I go to your mother, have a drink with me." He gestured to the untouched glass at Sesshoumaru's side with his own. "Tell me more about your patrols."

He reached over obediently, and did as his father ordered. For a last request, it could certainly be worse.

As he went into greater detail, Sesshoumaru allowed himself to relax into the soft cushion behind him, while his father did the same.

It was the easiest back and forth the pair had had in a very long time, and therefore; the most enjoyable. Differences had been effortlessly pushed to the wayside as they shared their drink and spoke about as casually as the two ever had. The exchange was friendly.

Toga was a leader to his soldiers, just as Sesshoumaru was to his. Both held power over any being in their lands, even those who called themselves friends. The only difference was Toga was his lord, outranking him by one position. He was also his father, and the only being who could ever claim to be the youkai's superior, likely ever.

But none of that mattered tonight. They'd been drifting apart swiftly over the past century or so, but in that short time they'd both changed, or maybe just forgotten how alike they were. The similarities were not lost on either of them as they conversed on more than just patrols. By some miracle, Toga had managed to talk his son into having a second drink, and even more amazing was the chuckle he'd coaxed from him not once, but twice, non-concurrently. And it was not born of mockery or morbidity, but honest to kami amusement, and enjoyment.

Tonight, for the first time, they were equals. The only ones who could truly understand, and more alike than either cared to admit.

But Sesshoumaru wouldn't dwell on that. To do so would spoil the evening, and he wouldn't get another chance at it. It would also make what he had to do less enjoyable.

He smirked as he finished his second drink, and listened happily as his father told him a story he'd never heard before, about when he was captain of grandsire's army, and his patrol had gone less than smoothly.

Right then, he decided he'd chosen wisely. He was uncertain at first, but delaying the fight was the right thing to do. He didn't care about his father's bastard getting to lay eyes on him once, but he was pleased to at least give his mother this night with her mate. And, he would admit to only himself, he was pleased to take this moment with him as well.

He'd never gone against his gut instinct before, but perhaps it didn't hurt to bend every once in a while.

He'd waited his whole life for this moment; what was one day more?

It would make no difference.

---

Sesshoumaru shook himself, and quickly finished gathering the last of his meager possessions. He scolded himself for daydreaming; the others would be finished with Kagome's roof any minute, and his astute roommate was sure to become inquisitive when he returned.

He hadn't thought about that in so long, and now he remembered why. Even 200 years later, he was still not through paying the heavy cost of that mistake. And it was looking like he probably never would be.

He was a fool to be so cavalier with a matter of such importance. The arrogance. The weakness...

Never again, he'd vowed.

That one-day delay cost him his destiny. The thought that he was only hours away from reaching his objective, only to have it stolen by that filthy dragon was maddening.

How did that beast manage to land such a strike? Only he should have been able to accomplish such a feat.

And now, he would never know. Not with any certainty.

Was he as strong as his father had been? Obviously not now, but before becoming human, had he been?

Almost certainly. Almost. Everyone who knew him, even that treasonous fool Totosai, attested to such.

But it didn't matter. Without the cold hard proof of his father's corpse, it would forever be left up to speculation. It was a claim he could never make. A title he would never fully deserve.

Another question that kept him up at night was; if his father at the top of his game, how could be defeated by that lowly filth. Was he not as strong as he thought he was? Or was it a fluke?

If Inu no Taisho was truly as powerful as he grew up thinking he was, a fluke like that would not have been possible.

Sesshoumaru's fluke was not in relation to his power. No enemy could ever get a hit on him in that form.

His weakness had been in his judgement. His mind. His ability to make sound, tactical decisions.

Such things were just as important as physical power. Without one, the other was useless.

It had given him hope that while now his power was now gone, his mind was still perfectly sound. That was why he'd been so upset when the miko was able to dupe him like she did. It fed his most deep-rooted insecurities that perhaps his tactical cunning had never really been up to par. That his awesome power was carrying him through this existence, but he was just one more life-altering mistake away from losing everything again. Even though he swore he never would.

He'd forgiven her, but he would never forgive himself. He'd let his guard down again, just like he had done with his father. Not trusting his judgment and killing him that night had doomed him to a life of uncertainty; about his place in the world, and his ability to navigate it. Despite his confident airs, every choice he'd ever made after that had him drowning in doubt; made him second guess himself at every turn.

And never did he trust himself less than when it came to humanity.

Because he'd made another vow to himself. To never let humans cloud his judgment, or take precedent in his affairs. To never be his father, basically.

So now, when that very instinct he'd betrayed all those years ago - to his incredible detriment - was urging him to become his father's son, what could he do? Which vow should he ignore?

The last Western Lord had known where his fate was, and raced headlong to meet it.

It looked like history would be repeating itself; making him a liar, and his father's son once again.

He'd very much prefer to follow his footsteps in another direction, if he had to choose. But unfortunately, that option had been taken from him as well.

The word was finally out, which meant the wolves, cats and elementals would soon be at his door. And if he wasn't there to greet them, they would come knocking until they found him.

This pack was strong for humans, he'd freely admit. Even against powerful youkai foes, they were a formidable force. But they couldn't protect him forever. As a man with – at the very least - pride, he refused to even let them try.

They'd done more than enough for him, and he refused to bring any more trouble these poor people's way.

His father had known that his time was running short, and chose to use what little he had left protecting his lover and son. Sesshoumaru had called him a fool at the time, but his actions had been... noble.

Well, his time had now been cut short as well. And since he hadn't the strength or power to protect them with his body, he would protect Kagome and Rin with his cunning.

It was all he had left, and if he made a tactical error this time; it could be their blood on his clawless human hands.

He had to meet his foes - and his fate - at the Western Fortress. Hopefully, he'd get a few good strikes in before he was vanquished, and with Toran's aid; his soldiers could still be standing when it was over.

But Kagome and Rin would not be targeted, and taken as some trophy to hang on their wall. Or worse.

At least this way, he would still get to die the way he was supposed to. A warrior's life deserved a warrior's death, and if he couldn't keep his lands; he would die protecting them. That was the oath he had taken all those years ago, after all. At least that was one promise he would keep.

Jaken and Ah-Un had their orders, and were ready to go on his word. All that remained was for him to depart.

He still hadn't decided on the best way to do this.

The truth, he already decided, was out. After a lifetime of exemplary honesty, he'd earned one good fabrication to keep them safe and ensure they did not follow. But what should he tell them?

How was he supposed to say goodbye, without saying goodbye?

He considered just leaving without farewell. As much as he hated sneaking about; it would be the path of least resistance and pain.

But it left the chance that they might go looking for him, so that was out too. They could not follow.

He could say he had some business to conduct. A lead to follow, or something. But he knew this pack; they would not let him go alone in his current condition. They would almost certainly assign an escort, whether he agreed to it or not.

How could he get them to stay behind?

One method had occurred to him, but it was far from ideal.

He couldn't tell them he was going off to war alone. But he could simply tell them he was opting out of this little arrangement. Forever.

He was never supposed to stay. They found Rin, and that was what he needed from them. He could tell them he'd come to a decision, and chose to part ways at this point.

The others might have some concerns, but even his brother would likely not put up too much of a fight. Even if they were on better terms, they had never been close.

No, the miko was the only one he owed any explanation to. And Rin, but he'd already told her she'd have to stay in a human village eventually, so it should not be entirely unexpected. He had not wavered in that, despite her preferences, and she seemed happy enough here. He would simply put his foot down.

But Kagome... she would be hurt.

She was still trying to fix him, but they no longer had the luxury of whittling away the days on brainstorming and trial and error. Their time was up. Unfortunately.

If he told her he was leaving, she would definitely demand to know why. She'd told him many times; that no matter where he went, she would chase after. So long as he was human, she was with him. The one place she wouldn't follow was the Western Lands, when he became demon again.

So close. He was going to the West, just not the way he'd hoped to. But if he found a way to change back...

That was it.

He had to tell Kagome that they found a remedy in the Western Lands. It was waiting for him, and all he needed to do was simply get there and take it.

She insisted that, for his safety, she could not be there with his demon self, so she would just have to stay behind until it was safe enough to visit. Unfortunately, the reunion would never come.

It was the best chance he had, and at least this way, he got to say goodbye.

Belongings in hand; he decided to hit the old woman's hut first. It was the furthest away, and Rin would be the easiest to inform.

---

The sound of preteen sorrow followed him down the road as he embarked on his next destination.

That was... not as simple as he'd hoped.

He knew she would not be pleased, but Rin was a child. For that reason, he'd foolishly assumed he would have more success in getting her to accept his decision. He'd been wrong.

Now, he was desperately hoping he'd gotten the hardest goodbye out of the way, but as he closed in on his brother's new hut; he sincerely doubted it.

Luckily, everyone else had been working on the miko's damaged roof, save for the Kaede, who was in town at the moment, so they were not there to hear the muffled screeching and tears of the girl who insisted on following him forever.

She'd yelled and screamed, begged and cried. But he had been firm, and she knew he would not budge.

She was fine with the idea of him going off to get his cure – at least she'd bought that. But when he refused to answer when asked if he would return, she knew she was finally being abandoned, as he'd always promised to do.

Shaking off that traumatizing experience; he gathered himself a moment outside of his brother's hut, and waited until a sweet feminine voice beckoned him to enter. Steeling himself, he did.

With the others working noisily on her roof; Kagome had taken up in her friends' home for the afternoon.

He thought he'd prepared himself enough, but when he peeled the door back and laid eyes on the young woman; it felt as if the wind had been knocked from his chest.

The old man who once owned this hut had much nicer accommodations that his packmates, so Inuyasha and Sango had made out pretty well. Instead of a bedroll on the floor; he had a nice, raised futon on a fairly high platform, and a good deal larger than the meager mats the rest of them slept on.

Atop it, stretched out on her stomach, the miko had made herself at home. Legs kicked up behind her bounced back and forth as she poured over the notebook that never seemed to leave her possession.

The writing utensil she used rested just past her lips, being terribly abused by blunt teeth as she debated something in her mind.

He knew what he had to do, but it all seemed so real now. It was foolish. He knew it would be difficult, but he honestly thought he'd built the strength he needed to see this through.

What he hadn't expected was to be paralyzed from his tongue to his toes at the mere sight of her. Knowing what he had to do, knowing how she would take it.

But the worst, he found, was knowing it would be the last time. He would never look upon this woman again, and the gravity of that sent his system into involuntary panic.

When he didn't move, she finally looked up from her pages, and flashed him a radiant smile before putting it aside and setting her feet on the floor.

She wasted no time rushing to him, and before he knew it; her arms were sliding around his middle in a gentle embrace. She pressed her cheek to him, and his motor skills slowly returned. Encased in his hold; he held onto her warmth tightly, letting his eyes drift shut as he tried to still his heartbeat by focusing on hers.

She pulled back, but didn't let go. When he didn't either, she smiled. Then, she was drifting forward, raising up on her toes as she tilted her chin, and he helped to close the distance until his lips were on hers.

He reveled in the feeling, closing his eyes and losing himself in the moment as he imprinted each sensation into his very soul. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could find her in the next life. But until then, this would have to tide him over.

She tried to pull away for air, but he was not ready to relinquish her just yet. She made a surprised noise through her nostrils when he applied himself more forcefully that morphed into something more appreciative. He absorbed the pleasured sound she made when he deepened the kiss, and used his stronger frame to press her to him even more firmly.

She'd not expected such a passionate display, but she certainly wasn't complaining. He finally let her go so they could at last draw several ragged, heavy breaths. Her hands had fisted needfully into his clothing, and still gripped him tightly as she looked into his eyes. There was something different about him, something she couldn't recognize, but she didn't dwell on it. Instead, she smiled shyly, a pretty blush adorning her features as she released his silk to rub her hands along his sides.

Mimicking her, he did the same across her back.

She absentmindedly realized he was wearing his classic outfit, but thought nothing of it.

"Happy to see me?" she asked playfully. He still had that strange, intense look on his face as he slowly nodded in response.

"Yes."

His voice sounded different too. Soft, in a way she wasn't used to. But she only smiled wider at him.

"Good. I'm happy to see you too. I actually have something I need to talk to you about."

She maneuvered her hands to grab his, and he let himself be led to the futon.

Instead of sitting down, however, she plucked her notebook off the sheets, and he instantly sobered.

He'd come to loathe that book. So much wasted time and energy, and all on his account. It reminded him why he was doing this, and it gave his resolve a good strengthening.

"I've given it a lot of thought, and I think I might have an idea for how to finally change you back."

He tried not to look disapproving as she fluttered through the pages, until he realized she was nervous.

When her pretty blush graduated to a deeper shade of red; his curiosity was formally piqued and his slight frown instantly fell away. She forced herself to meet his eyes.

"You've learned a lot about what it means to be human. You've experienced fear, despair, compassion..."

He waited patiently through the preamble she'd obviously practiced in her head, but silently wished she'd just get to the point.

They weren't going to fix him, and he wanted to enjoy these final moments before he had to break the news. Perhaps he should have prepared something to tell her. He still didn't know exactly what he was going to say.

"But you've been missing out on perhaps the most important aspect of humanity... love."

'This again?' he thought, and actually looked at her with pity. 'How many times must I tell her? Will she never understand?' This woman was far too stubborn for her own good.

"I do not know what love is, Kagome."

The gentle reminder did not get the reaction he'd expected. She gathered his hand in hers once more, and smiled at him warmly.

"Exactly. Its time you learned."

He appeared to be confused as she lifted his knuckles to her lips. Her soft flesh brushing against his skin so tenderly caused something in his chest to tear.

His silence demanded explanation, so she stroked his encased fingers supportively, and obliged.

"When you changed back into a demon, each time it was after you and I were having some form of intimate contact."

That fact certainly hadn't escaped him, but he'd only go as far as to attribute it to his mounting displeasure with the kami, their timing, and their sense of humor.

"Maybe laying with a human is the key."

His internal griping session was cut short at the boldness of her utterance. He was surprised she would deduce such a thing, let alone suggest it.

She seemed to expect his wide-eyed response, but despite the darkening of her skin, she bravely held his gaze.

"We should have sex."

It wasn't as outrageous a suggestion as it would have been weeks ago. Or even days ago, when they were in the midst of working out their differences.

They'd all but slept together by now anyway, and very nearly had on at least one occasion. Even last night in her sleeping bag, if he'd been able, it could have very well come to pass.

But it was not quite a forgone conclusion - though he suspected it was likely anticipated, even expected, that they would proceed. She'd even expressed her desire of him to take her last night, and he hadn't been opposed.

But as much as he wanted to, it could no longer be.

He was leaving. Right after this conversation, as a matter of fact. And even if she still desired a quick romp after what he was about to tell her, he couldn't do that to her.

Her biggest fear was to be bed, and subsequently deserted after the fact. Not to mention, his leaving was going to be hard enough on her, he presumed. Sex would only strengthen her attachment, and lengthen the mourning process once he was gone. Her pain would be so much worse, and surely not worth the fleeting pleasure given in return.

Not that it wouldn't be earth-shattering. But even more reason to decline. He'd damaged the poor girl enough. No need to ruin all future experiences for her with the unattainable bar he'd set.

"Quite an ego," he opined haughtily, "to assume that after nearly a millennium, one night with you will finally show me the light."

Reverting to his old bastard self took more effort than he'd expected, and felt more distasteful than he'd anticipated. When had it started taking work to slip into his old persona? When had it become so out of character? It didn't even feel like him anymore.

He did not wish for her last memory of him to be unpleasant, but better that, he decided, than strengthening her attachment.

If his affection would make this harder, then the opposite was the way to go.

But it didn't have the effect he was going for. Her smile never faltered.

"I'm not saying you will fall in love with me," she conceded, and the tearing in his chest persisted. "But maybe you will feel my love for you. That's when you'll know."

She was so earnest, so humble. So... fucking sweet. Wide open and laid bare, she was finally giving him what he'd been wanting all along, and reading her heart to him like scroll.

Why did it have to be now? He could only stare on dumbfounded, cursing his luck and the kami and their timing yet again. She was being so kind to him, and raw, so he knew it was real. Finally free of pretenses, she would keep her word to him until the end.

There was nothing left to hide.

And after he crushed it, he wondered if she would ever leave herself so open for anyone again.

"When I made that stupid wish, I wanted you to know what it was like to be human."

His guilt was intense at the genuine regret she displayed.

He knew her motives; she didn't need to explain. And he'd forgiven her. Would she accept that?

Or would she torture herself it for years to come?

She would blame herself for his death, and that alone nearly had him rethinking his whole strategy.

But he had to stay firm. The only other option was unacceptable, and must be avoided at all costs.

She continued to stroke the hand she kept clasped between hers, and he found himself stroking back.

"Sex is an important aspect of humanity. And even if you don't love me," again, the notion did strange things to him, urging him for justice, for action and word. But all he could do was stare sadly and listen. "it could be possible that engaging in the act could be enough to enlighten you to the human experience."

He listened to her rationalize her thinking to him, as if making some point-by-point argument that could stand up to scientific scrutiny, and fought the urge to smirk.

Did she really expect to need to work so hard at convincing him? She'd already be naked beneath him if only Myoga hadn't shown up.

That damn bug. He could blame this all on him.

"Most humans seem able to be intimate without being in love. The two are so closely intertwined that they are often mistaken for one another." She shrugged, "Either way, I'm willing to try it. After what I did to you; it is the least I could do."

He looked down into her hopeful features and sighed.

Using his free hand, he brushed a few hairs off her cheek before cupping it tenderly in his palm.

"Miko, you are obligated to do no such thing."

Undeterred, she sternly shook her head, and let his hand fall between them.

"I am obligated," she said, and he produced a frown. Uncertain, but determined, she placed her hand on his chest and stroked lovingly over cool silk. "But even if I wasn't, I still want to do it. This has nothing to do with changing you back."

They looked at each other then, both eyes filled with plea. Hers that he accept her proposal, accept her, and his that she stop. Turn around, forget him, and not waste another moment or tear on the likes of him.

But as her hand became more insistent, more endeavoring, he realized she would not. It took everything he had to pull away from the kiss she attempted, and he grabbed her fingers and pulled them away.

"We cannot," he breathed regretfully, suspending her hand between them. She was understandably confused.

"Why not?"

He mustered everything hard, and firm, and made of stone within him, and for the first time ever, found himself incredibly lacking.

He'd gotten too close to the sun, and as a result; she'd reduced his mighty glacier to a few pathetic chunks of melting ice.

Still, he waded through the puddles and gathered what he could.

"Because I am leaving this village." At least his tone was steel. There was finality in it, but of course, it didn't slow her down.

She furrowed her brow even more. "When?"

"Right now."

"Why?" she demanded worriedly. "What are you talking about?"

He saw her concern leaking through as curiosity gave way to panic.

"They found the remedy," he assured her. "I will become youkai again."

He had hoped for a little excitement on her end. He knew she would be sad, but his excuse gave an opportunity for optimism. But he would be satisfied to simply leave her in a better state than he'd left Rin. As much better as possible.

But her deep confusion was written all over fair features, so he decided to indulge her further.

"Myoga found me in the stream," he informed her, and she pulled her hand from his. He allowed her to step back, though her eyes remained trained on his face. "Toran found a cure, and it is waiting for me in the Western Lands." He saw the telltale signs of anger beginning to form, as he'd fully anticipated. She would fight him on this, he just hoped not too hard. All he had to do was explain it to her rationally. "I simply need to return, and then I can-"

"What are you doing?" she demanded flatly, hot blue flames boring into his stony features.

He lifted a brow condemningly. "I am telling you, woman. There-"

"You're lying," she accused irritably, not a hint of uncertainty in her claim. "Why are you lying?"

"I..." Honestly, her confident assessment took him by surprise, and left him floundering shamelessly. He had planned for a plethora of responses, but being called out right off the bat wasn't one of them. He didn't know how to react, so he simply doubled down. "I am not lying."

"Yes you are," she countered angrily. "I can read the signs."

She lifted a finger to rudely point in his face. He instantly shied away from it.

"Dilated pupils, avoiding eye contact... Flushed skin, stuttering."

"I did not stutter," he refuted, turning his gaze back to her to defend himself. "I just had to-"

"What are you lying about? Why do you need to go to the Western Lands?" Her anger fell away as she became more concerned with his behavior. She inched closer, looming for scrutiny, and though demanding; her tone softened significantly. "Did something happen?"

He held her gaze a long moment, and willed his form to command him at every turn. No acceptations.

"No."

It amazed him how quickly and fiercely her rage could return to her at the drop of a hat, but no matter how much it burned, he refused to turn away from the fire blazing in her eyes.

But when she grabbed his soft cock outside of his hakama and squeezed, he briefly lost the staring contest.

Startled and unprepared, he uttered, "What are you-"

"Just making sure I wasn't misreading your arousal," she quipped, and as fun as that evening by the fire had been; he wished he never taught her how to discern such things. Of course, he never expected he'd be lying to her. "Though it was pretty obvious you weren't since you just turned down my proposal for sex. So I know you're lying. Please, drop the act."

He scowled, looking away defiantly, part in frustration, part in guilt. There was no point in continuing this charade, but he still refused to tell her why he was going. He had to quickly think of something that would ensure she would not follow after him.

"I see why you were so mad at me," she said, after realizing she would get no more answers. "Getting lied to shamelessly and poorly really fucking hurts."

"You are right," he finally admitted. "I lied. There is no cure."

With that out of the way, she let her anger fall away once more so she could focus on worrying about him. Worst case scenarios reeled through her mind, but nothing made sense to her.

The fact that he would keep it from her did not bode well. She placed a hand on his arm gently as she watched him struggle unhappily with himself.

"What's in the Western Lands that you need to get to?"

But she would get no response once again. She came to a decision.

Despite recent lying, she still absolutely trusted him.

That was all he'd ever asked from her. That and her honesty. So, she would give it.

"It's okay. If you have to go, I understand."

His tormented, lowered gaze lifted finally to hers, and where he expected distrust betrayal, he only found acceptance, and understanding.

"Truly?"

That was it? No questions asked? This was wonderf-

"Yeah, we'll go together."

His hopeful features darkened, and his scowl returned. "No."

"I got your back," she assured him, as if he hadn't spoken. "forever, you know that."

"No," he repeated, shaking his head firmly. "You cannot come with me. None of you can."

She was back to confusion as he removed her hand from his arm and returned it to her. She held it, as if burned. "Why not?"

He was a lousy liar, apparently, and he did not relish it. All he could do was be honest with her. He didn't have any other recourse.

He held her stunning eyes with his so she could read him clearly. He made sure to take the time to etch the compelling sight into his brain.

"Because I do not want you to."

He couldn't lie to her, but she couldn't know everything either. He was doing it to keep her safe.

Still, marring those flawless eyes with hurt took a chunk out of his soul.

"I needed you to help find Rin, and you did. And I am very grateful for your aid. But now that we have succeeded, I must return to my home."

"But... it will be too dangerous," she reminded him meekly.

"I am willing to risk it."

He could see her falling into discontent, and released a heavy sigh.

He gathered her hands back into his, and sat on the bed, leading her to follow.

"Listen to me, Kagome. You were there for me when I needed you most, and I will always be thankful to you. Now Rin is safe, and the old priestess has agreed to watch over her. My duty is done."

He had to discourage her from following, but he didn't need to stab her in the heart on his way out the door. As long as he was being honest, he saw no harm in opening up the most guarded place inside him, and letting her see a least a portion of the things he kept locked there.

This was his last chance. After today, these truths will be all that was left of him.

"You took me into your ranks, and showed me how to be human. And against all odds, I rather enjoyed myself with you." He smirked, but she was too distraught to join him, so he put it away. "I will never forget, or regret a second of our time together. I mean that."

He took a long pause, wanting it to sink in, but also, he was preparing himself. This was the hard part.

He took a deep breath, as inconspicuously as he could.

"But you were not showing me how to be human. You were helping me disguise myself, so I could survive. The fact is, even though I look this way, I am not human. I never was. And I never will be."

His eyes burned into hers, as if he was trying to look all the way to the end. But one could easily get lost doing that. He knew from experience.

He stroked her hands with his, as if trying to soothe from the outside in.

"And I do not want to do this anymore."

It was the truth. She could see is so plainly. She prayed for a sign of deception, she looked for one feverishly. But there was nothing ungenuine about it, just like usual.

She felt her eyes begin to sting.

"Even if we spend every day looking for the way to make me youkai; I will still be pretending to be human until we get it right. Let us be honest; we most likely will not."

She wanted to argue. She knew with her whole being that she could fix him. She could feel it. She vowed to make it true.

But a logical part of her that she refused to acknowledge told her he was right.

She was just an idealistic school girl. That was a truth that never failed to cause her anguish. If she wanted to subject herself to a life of pain and disappointment, that was her prerogative. But it was wrong of her to drag him through it with her, if it wasn't what he wanted.

But how she wanted him to want it too.

"It is my life, Kagome," he reminded her firmly. "For better or worse, and unrecognizable as it may be, it is still mine. And it is the only one I have. I do not want to spend it with you like this."

She felt the weight of her heart drop down into her stomach as she still read no deceit in his handsome features. She couldn't bear to even look at him, and found herself desperate for his lies once again.

"I am already youkai." She'd averted her gaze completely, so he pulled her hands toward him until they were placed on his chest; over his heart. "In here. And I always was. So I do not need to have my power back, and I want you to stop trying."

She felt his heart beating beneath her palm. It felt no different than a human's. No faster, or stronger, or bigger. Not different in any way. No different than hers.

But it was. That was exactly what he was telling her, and she had no choice but to believe him.

"I do not want to do this anymore," he repeated. "I made an attempt, for as long as I could, but I am done." She still wasn't looking, so he released her hands and used one to turn her chin his way. "I tire of this. I just want to go home, and face what awaits me head on, with honor. I will never be happy running, or hiding, or cowering. A life of that is a fate worse than death for one such as me."

When she winced as if in pain, it forced one of the well of tears behind her lids to roll down her cheek.

He wiped it away, and let his palm remain when she leaned into his touch needfully. He smiled weakly, scooting just a little closer to her and using his free hand to tuck her falling hair behind her ear.

"I appreciate your dedication," he assured her. "I really do. Your heart is in the right place; I know."

When more tears began to fall, he curled his fingers in her hair, and against her skin, as if he was trying to find purchase.

The sight of her red-rimmed despair nearly ignited his own. He felt a foreign sting in the corner of his eyes, and it took all he had left to will it away.

"And I forgive you," he rasped out, forcing a smile to aid in his restraint. "I truly do. I do not wish for you to feel guilt over what happened. You gave far more than you took, and you know I am being truthful."

Her sniffling signified her acceptance. Of his fate, of hers. And he was both pleased and not that she would not fight him on it. But it was a great relief.

He raked his fingers through her hair a few times, combing them out compulsively to distract them both. And then he stopped, and framed her cheeks in his palms.

"But it is my life we are discussing. And it is my decision. You do not have to like it, but it must be respected."

His hard tone was practiced and forced. But executed perfectly, and ensured his success.

"I do not wish to live this way any longer, and I cannot bear to stay in this village another moment."

The certainty of his resentment cut her to the bone. That couldn't be how he felt.

Was the thought of staying with them really so distasteful? Staying with her?

Was the prospect of a human life together really so unbearable that he'd rather run headlong into certain death?

That couldn't be what he truly wanted.

She thought he cared, but was he just enduring her all this time? Holding his nose until Rin was safe enough for him to finally break ties?

"I am going back alone," he told her firmly, dispassion of old reclaiming its reign inside his tone. "I am going to find those loyal to me, and resume my life as it was always meant to be. With my own kind."

He stood, the cold finality in the motion sent a chill through her. Tears pricked painfully in her ducts as he strode with purpose toward the door, fully prepared to leave her forever.

"You'll be killed."

He wouldn't refute it. Couldn't, with any conviction.

"And I refuse to believe you actually find that preferable to remaining human. To being with me."

He heard her rise behind him, and knew he should just go before she managed to convince him otherwise. But her sweet voice stopped him as he reached to grab the door.

His legs refused to move as he heard her close the distance, and then her gentle touch was upon him.

"I need you to say it." It was an order. "There's no way I'm letting you expose yourself to a fortress full of bigoted youkai unless you can look me in the eye, and tell me after all we have been through that you would rather die than let me try to help you."

She felt the tension beneath her fingers, and took the absence of any reaction as the moment of hesitation that it was. He gave her a sliver of an opening and she pounced.

"Why don't you just stay the night with me?" His hand was on the flap, poised to peel back the door while the warmth of her palm on his back kept him firmly anchored in place. "If I'm right and this works, your troubles are over and you get to be you again. If it doesn't, you can go back West tomorrow knowing that you at least tried."

Her palm clutched, and he was fairly certain that if she was able, she would tether him where he stood.

"It's just one more day. What have you got to lose?"

His back was still to her as he stood stock still. He could feel her hope rising as he appeared to consider it. He hated himself for that.

But how could he not at least consider it? They may have to part, but they could share one night together before they did. Something to hold dear that they both could cherish.

A climatic ending to their star-crossed, doomed from the start, passionate yet substantive little acquaintance. Something sweet to balance out the tragedy of its inevitable conclusion.

He'd love nothing more.

But while he'd be going out with a bang, it would be a long, slow death by a thousand papercuts for the dear miko. A torture only made worse by giving her a glimpse of the future that could never be, before ripping it cruelly away and convincing her to take the blame.

Whether he stayed the night or not; the ending was the same. He would go West in whichever body the fates deigned him, and she would not.

But there was no changing him back. And while delaying the inevitable would have no bearing on his own fate, it could prove disastrous for her.

What can be lost in one day? He knew better than anyone.

Everything.

What difference could it make?

All the difference.

One day's delay cost him his whole world once. He would not make that mistake again.

He tossed a dispassionate look over his shoulder, and held her gaze firmly.

"I would rather die."

He blocked out her devastated reaction and forced it from his mind before turning back around.

She had not expected the blow, and he would use the time it took her to recover to finish his escape clean.

Were it not for her pained expression flashing briefly before his eyes again, he would have made it.

"Then live as a human?" she asked, obviously leveled by his response, and the honesty in it. "Or spend the night with me?" Hurt put a tremble to her tone, but he had to nip this in the bud. He had tried to handle her gently, but he'd failed to discourage her properly.

He closed his fist tightly around the fabric, and closed his eyes even tighter.

"Yes."

The ensuing silence was all the response he needed, and she finally allowed him to leave.

She would hate him for that. That was best.

He wished she didn't have to, but if it kept her away from the Western Lands, and eased the pain of his passing just a bit, he would consider it a victory.

At least he'd have one.

---

He found the others putting the final touches on Kagome's roof, and bid his remaining farewells. A short explanation was all they were granted, and a few stiff, awkward words of thanks. The news of his abrupt departure took them all by surprise, but they had little time for recourse as he swiftly retreated.

Now that they were informed, he felt the need for a hasty exit. The longer he waited, the more opportunity there would be for interference. He needed to outrun any doubts or second guessing, and not just from the others.

Jaken finished tightening the strap's on Ah-Un's saddle while Sesshoumaru secured the last of his possessions. He didn't have much to his name when he'd arrived, and it looked like that hadn't changed.

Almost two months, and nothing to show for it. But appearances, he was well aware, could be deceiving.

A few curt orders were muttered distractedly, and followed without question as they prepared the dragon for flight. As the imp tested each buckle for safety and security, Sesshoumaru moved around front to give his beast their instructions.

He didn't hear Inuyasha approaching him from behind.

"So you're really going, huh?"

A quick glance over his shoulder told the ex-youkai his brother had come alone. Relieved with that, he turned back to the dragon and began to assist Jaken with his duty, trying to rush the process along.

"It is time."

With a nod, the imp hopped up and took his place at the front with the reins. Sesshoumaru turned to find his brother's disapproving glare upon him, arm's crossed.

Turning to face him fully, he straightened. He'd said his goodbye's, but if he'd left the hanyou wanting, he would graciously offer more to his accommodating host.

"I thank you for all you have-"

"Save it," he interrupted. "I don't want your thanks."

Shrugging, Sesshoumaru kept his face passive as he turned back to his steed.

"You never used to be much for words, but you didn't need 'em," he continued, now speaking to his back. "Your actions said it all. Now, you're all over the fucking map, but I know good and goddamn well you ain't grateful."

He got no response, or even sign that he'd been heard. When Sesshoumaru moved to approach his beast from the side, Inuyasha maneuvered around him, blocking his path.

"Cuz you ain't acting like it. You're acting like we did something wrong, and you can't wait to get the hell away from us."

He assessed the hot tempered inu with his usual bored façade. The young male was angry, but that was hardly atypical.

"It has nothing to do with you," he assured him, and started to walk around. "I do not belong here."

His brother made no moves to stop him, physically.

"Right. You belong in Warrior King Heaven, ne?"

Sesshoumaru froze, a light panic gaining momentum as he slowly turned around.

"I heard you talking to Myoga," Inuyasha confirmed. "You're a terrible bullshitter. It takes practice, I guess."

Sesshoumaru's glare turned to ice. The threat it held was unmistakable as he loomed dangerously close.

"Do not think of telling Kagome," he warned. "If anything happens to her-"

"Relax, I won't tell her. Cuz you're right; she will demand to come."

The news relaxed him slightly, and he let his muscles uncoil. He put away his fearsome glower, but regarded his brother suspiciously.

"And you?" he wondered. Inuyasha shrugged.

"Hey, you don't want me there? Why should I risk my neck?"

Sesshomaru nodded his approval, and found a measure of relief in that as well.

"Can't believe you think breaking her heart is a better option though."

His disapproval was condemning, and had him feeling a bit defensive. "Compared to her death; I think it is quite a better option."

"Do you?" he demanded. "Cuz it looks like you made a different choice, yourself."

Sesshoumaru refused to dignify that by responding, or even dissecting that statement. Instead, he turned around and continued his path to Ah-Un's side.

"You know that's what you're doing, don't you? It's so obvious and sickening; I can barely look at you."

Sesshoumaru couldn't see his brother's face as he followed behind him, but he could picture the look of disgust that matched his tone.

"You're running. You're running scared."

He contained his scoff. He had no trepidations for what awaited him in the West. In fact, he was eager for it. "I do not fear death," he assured him, and put his hand on the saddle.

"Nope," Inuyasha agreed. "Just life. Or love. Maybe both."

That asinine statement deserved mockery, but he found himself unable to respond. Perhaps it was the absurdity that caused his body to still.

"You're so worried you might actually be happy like this. You're so scared that if you stay here and stay human, and stay with Kagome that you might finally be at peace, and your terrified."

"Why would that terrify me?" he demanded, turning back to glare.

His brother more than matched it.

"Because you would be wrong," he answered confidently. "You would have to admit you are the world's biggest hypocrite, and your whole life has been a lie. You would know you had been lying to yourself this whole time, and you're such a pansy that you would rather die than own up to the fact that you are in love with a human, and you want to lay down your sword and make cute little human babies."

His sing-songy taunting did not amuse him, and he showed him his back once more.

"You heard the flea. You know why I must leave." The grave response only earned him a 'Feh' as Inuyasha shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe how deluded you are. Maybe you're willing to buy that load of shit, but I sure ain't."

Sesshoumaru readied himself to leap, but a sturdy hand on his shoulder kept him anchored down. His brother's superior hanyou strength irked him to no end.

"All you had to do was name a successor." Brows knit together tightly relayed his frustration well. "Your allies can fight, but you have to let them try. You have to-" he paused, and Sesshoumaru waited impatiently as he watched realization dawn. "Oh shit. That's it! It's even worse than I thought."

He didn't know what the hanyou was talking about, but his firm grip on his shoulder ensured he'd be staying to learn.

"You can't concede." He huffed dismissively as he attempted to turn, but a sharp pull forced him to remain in place. "That's it; you can't surrender. All you need to do is pass the torch, but you can't stand to live in a world where anybody but you is in charge." Sesshoumaru scowled, not pleased with his brother assessment, but not entirely sure how to refute it. "You have to have everything in the world, and now that you can't; you just want to give up playing entirely. I can't believe what a jackass you are."

The boy was way off base. It wasn't as cut and dried as all that.

Yes, surrendering was never allowed. Not for him. It wasn't just what he'd been taught from birth, but one of the cornerstones of his belief system. It was like going against his religion, if he had one.

And yes, by power and rite, the world and everything in it belonged to him. He'd earned it, and it was what he was owed. That he no longer had it was an injustice, and a corruption of the natural order.

But just because the game was rigged, it was not why he was leaving the table. Though it would be a valid enough reason.

Perhaps it did make it easier, however.

"Most people don't get to own the world, okay? We get a little slice of happiness if we're lucky, and we're glad to have it." Somewhat defensively, he added, "It ain't so bad, you know."

The look he received told him his brother didn't agree. He aggressively released his shoulder, and Sesshoumaru immediately moved to smooth the silk back out.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" he asked, exasperation betrayed his mounting frustration with his infuriating kin. "You hate all the duty and obligations and expectations. Well, now you're off the hook! You're finally free. No one needs anything from you like this, so you can do whatever you want."

"You find that existence fulfilling, do you?" Sesshoumaru asked curtly. "Being of no use? Nothing to no one, aside from perhaps a burden?"

The brothers shared fleeting frown.

"You're only as useless as you make yourself," he assured him, slightly less excitable. "I gotta say, right now you're doing a pretty good job at being useless."

His brother's admonishment was more effective than he cared to admit. It was rare for one to find the courage to dress him down so sharply. Even rarer for the attacks to land. But his brother's assessment bothered him. He knew just where to poke, and that caused him just as much discomfort as the jabs themself.

"You had people that needed you, only to toss them aside when shit got too real. Now, all you're good for is making girls cry."

He hadn't heard the conversation, but Rin's hissy fit was loud enough to pick up over the racket from the roof construction. When he scented Kagome's tears later, he had a feeling he was the next stop on his brother's path of destruction.

"My brother - the guy you bear almost no resemblance to - had almost everything. Strength, power, looks," he rattled off. "Money, servants, soldiers. Smarts and skills and respect. But there was one thing he never had," he told him confidently. "One thing he never figured out how to get his hands on. And I ain't talking about my sword."

Inuyasha's humorless smirk was fleeting, and he fixed his earnest features on Sesshoumaru's properly chastised visage.

"Nobody loved him," he told him with absolute certainty. "And you know why? Cuz he didn't love nobody." Inuyasha shrugged once. "Couldn't. Didn't know how. And if he never turned into you; he never would have known what he was missing."

Sesshoumaru didn't falter when his brother's hand was on his shoulder again. All it took was a light tug to make him release the saddle, and pull him closer.

"Now, love is all you got to your name. But it's so much better than all that other stuff combined."

He raised his free arm, and gestured off behind him without ever breaking his gaze.

"Those girls love the hell out of you. And going off and sacrificing yourself supposedly for them is going to kill them, no matter how much of an ass you are before you leave."

There was no change in the famous stoic mask he'd worn throughout this exchange, but Inuyasha took his continued silence as a sign he was getting through. He wanted to be convinced, or he would have already been gone. He just had to make him understand.

"Think about it this way. If Kagome told you off, or Rin, and split, and you found out later she died, how would you feel? Would you get over it? Or would you want to die too?"

Something passed over Sesshoumaru's eyes that caused the hanyou's heartrate to pick up. Hopeful, he clenched firm muscle tightly in his claws.

"That's what love is. You'd rather give your life than live without them."

Understanding dawned in the second the statement was uttered, but Inuyasha had not been the intended target for enlightenment.

He thought his brother was blind to his feelings, or at least attempting to deny their existence. But he did know. That's why he was leaving.

The revelation almost left him speechless. Almost.

"But that's so stupid!" he chided artlessly. "You don't have to leave them. Just stay here, and you can be with them forever."

"Not forever," he corrected, annoyed he had to remind the fool. "I am human."

"So are they."

"Exactly." He took his brother's newest moment of realization to remove his hand, and smooth the disruption it had caused his clothing once again. "I do fear death," he assured him plainly. "Just not mine."

His gaze drifted anxiously over Inuyasha's shoulder, and lingered as he spoke. "I endanger them by being here. If anything happened to them..."

He didn't need to say it. The hanyou knew all too well the crippling fear that came along with loving humans. It was just the cost of doing business.

He also knew that when his demon blood left him on every new moon, the helplessness, and impotence made it almost unbearable.

Sesshoumaru felt like that all the time. It must be agonizing.

But he wasn't alone. He was there to help him.

"We just gotta make sure that don't happen."

The veiled vow was not lost upon the elder brother, but he looked less than appeased. "There is no way to be certain."

"You're right," he conceded. "There ain't. But we gotta do our best. That's called living."

"Their death is not worth the risk."

"But their lives are," he countered. "Your lives, together. That is the prize. But you gotta play to win, and you know what?" He leaned in closer. "Someday, they're gonna die whether you were here to enjoy them or not."

Sesshoumaru scowled at the patronizing statement, but only earned himself a rough push.

"So quit being a fucking scared baby and man the fuck up."

The hanyou's features settled into something very serious and grave, and he looked his older brother right in troubled visage.

"If you leave, that would be the most selfish thing you've ever done in both your lives. And I promise; it will make everyone's life worse than if you just stayed. If you were really noble, you would stay and suffer the indignity of humanity to make all of ours a little better."

Inuyasha waited a long moment for his brother to respond. When it was clear he wasn't going to, he sighed, and lifted his lip to expose one dangerous fang. Subconsciously, Sesshoumaru ran his tongue over his blunt canine.

"You're just lucky my half-brother ain't here," he finally declared, sneering. "Cowards like you make him sick." He gave him a good, long look up and down, and shook his head in disappointment.

"I thought you were better than him in every way," he admitted. "I thought I liked you better. But of all the things he was, a coward wasn't one of them. He was the bravest guy I ever knew, and he would never run from anything, least of all a human girl."

He'd never looked so small to him, so pathetic. He'd never particularly admired the guy, but Inuyasha realized in that moment that he did hold a measure of respect for him. At least, he had.

This human took that away, and that angered him to no end.

"You're a coward, Sesshoumaru," he told him in no uncertain terms. "And if you leave now, you're crazy too. Not for running foolishly into battle, that I get," he included preemptively, cutting his snide brother off at the pass. "But you know how she feels about you. You may not be able to define love, but you're not stupid. You know when its staring you right in your big stupid face."

His silence was all the confirmation he needed, and that warmed him just enough to force a smirk past his defenses.

"I know it too," he proudly declared. "I'm lucky enough have a girl look at me like that every day, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything, even full-demon blood."

That used to be all he ever wanted. He would have given anything to be a full youkai. If Sesshoumaru could just get his head out of his ass, his life would be better than it ever was before. He wouldn't miss being demon for a second. He'd thank the kami for making him human, and given the choice, he'd gladly trade it away again.

And from what he'd seen, Kagome would do the same. He'd been so worried that she would never love again after him. But he realized what a fool he'd been.

"The way she looks at you, is nothing like the way she used to look at me," he decided to inform him. "She thought she loved me, and I thought she did too. But something never felt right between us, and now I know why. Now I know the difference between true love and just a silly infatuation."

And that difference was everything. A distinction so important it was literally a matter of life or death. A reason to live... or die.

"I think you know it too. You have to, or you're either too dumb, or too deep in denial to ever figure it out."

He doubted it was the former. His brother wasn't a dumb guy. But he was stubborn. He could see it in the way he fought himself so vehemently at every turn, trying so hard to fit inside that mold he'd carved out so carefully.

But he was finding out that love didn't work that way. You can't force it to do what you want it to. You have to change your life around it, if that's what it wants.

It wasn't all his fault though. He was being forced to figure out all these things inside a body and a race that was completely new to him. He was a novice in both respects, and for once; the hanyou had an edge on him. For his own good, and Kagome's, he was willing to clue him in.

"That love is not easy to come by." He brandished a lop-sided smirk. "And you, you fucking charmed bastard, nailed it in the first two weeks. I had to wait 200 years for a girl to look at me that way. And I'm still one of the lucky ones. Lots of people never find it."

As he looked at him thoughtfully, Inuyasha couldn't help but think he'd never seen him look so lost. He would have laughed if the circumstances were different.

"But when you find it, and embrace it with your whole heart – like I mean, completely surrender – it will be everything you ever need, and the only thing you want. You won't care about all the stuff you don't have. In fact, you will feel sorry for all those poor saps like my brother who only have everything else in the world. If you ain't got that, you ain't shit."

Inuyasha frowned as something occurred to him.

"The only thing worse would be if you had it, and lost it. You would never be happy again. So I can actually see why you'd want to die."

The prospect of losing her seemed to be more than the ex-youkai could handle. Nipping this in the bud and going all kamikaze was his misguided way of taking back a measure of control in a world he was losing his grip on. He couldn't control which race he was, or who his heart wanted. He couldn't control the fact that he wanted her more every day, and how much harder that made it to know one day she would be gone.

He couldn't control the fact that she would die, and so would he. But he could control how he went out. He could control his mortality after all. He could end it whenever he wished.

Apparently, that was now.

He was taking charge of his fate, but what he didn't realize was that in doing so, he was taking charge of Kagome's too. He was taking her future in his hands, and out of her control.

"But Kagome doesn't get to die. She'd not a fucking coward, so she has to live without it. And that's a cruel fucking thing to do to somebody who loves you."

The conflict in his older brother's eyes should have pleased him. Should have given him hope that he was taking his words into account, but it just didn't.

It told him he still wasn't convinced, still wasn't certain which path was the right one, and he became disgusted with him all over again.

"You might actually have that prick beat in cruelty, it's really hard to say." He waved his hand off, somewhere towards the West. "So go ahead and go if your gonna. Just do me a favor. Send my brother back if you find him."

Thoroughly unimpressed, Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru like he was nothing more than an insect. The Western Lord knew that look well.

"He's the guy who looks just like you, except he ain't a pussy. He's as fearsome as he is stubborn, and pretty as he is stupid."

Dismissal in the form of a challenge was a brilliant strategy. Enough to keep the defiant, stubborn ass in place for at least a moment more. He considered his brother, considered many things as the hanyou crossed his arms and awaited his decision.

"It sounds like you are in love with him."

He had to say something after such a violent attack, and the monotone taunt fell so easily off his tongue. Inuyasha smirked.

"I kinda wanna kiss him, yeah."

Sesshoumaru watched his brother's eyes drift skyward, and the hanyou cursed. His hand flew to Tetsusaiga's hilt just as Sesshoumaru turned to see what had earned such a creative outburst.

"These fucking guys. I thought I took care of the last of 'em."

A youkai nearly the size of Ah-Un had already flown out of sight. It appeared to have been some sort of insect, though much larger than even those of the youkai persuasion tended to be.

Inuyasha took off in the direction it had gone and, endlessly curious; Sesshoumaru endeavored to follow.

When he caught up to him at the miko's well, Sesshoumaru found his brother simply standing there. Sword in hand, he watched on in annoyance as the humongous mosquito-looking thing hovered over the lip.

Its incredibly long beak was concealed within its hollow depths, and from the glimpse he got of it in the air; it likely reached all the way to the bottom. Perhaps further.

The youkai rooted around greedily, acquiring some sort of sustenance from the mysterious old well. What it was, Sesshoumaru couldn't say. He knew it wasn't water, for at these temperatures; any that accumulated would surely be frozen solid.

He observed the strange creature a moment, happily drinking and apparently oblivious to the small audience it had gained, before finally turning to his stationary brother beside him. He lifted a brow.

"Magic suckers," he explained, continuing to watch with a look of disgust. "One day, they just started showing up. No idea where they came from. Never even seen 'em before, then BAM."

Sesshoumaru returned his gaze to assess the ugly abomination he'd also never encountered.

"They drain the well's magic." His voice turned grave as he wore a deep frown. "Don't know if they need it, or they just like it. Talk about power hungry."

Looking to his brother again, he matched his cadence with a looming sense of dread, and grew more disdainful when his eyes slid back to the well.

"The well's got plenty of magic, but once its zapped..."

The connotations hung in the air only a moment before Sesshoumaru's feet took him forward. He didn't know what his brother was waiting for, but he would not chance the well's closure. The thought of the miko being trapped 500 years away from him was unbearable.

Though, it wasn't like he was going to be around long anyway. Still, he quickly closed the distance.

Drawing his cheap human sword, all it took was one graceful swipe across it's bulbous, magic-thieving body to stop the vile beast's poaching. His brother's cries of protest hit his ears the second before he struck, and he errantly wondered why. Until he didn't.

Putrid, viscous goo erupted from his full belly as soon as contact was made. The bug was no more, but his legacy lived on in the form of a violent shower of purple sludge that covered the well, and everything around it.

Which had at one point included him, and still would have if not for his brother's demon speed grabbing him, and pulling him to safety at the last possible moment. The light spattering on his white hakama attested to how close he had come to being doused.

Inuyasha was mostly spared as well, but the clearing was now coated in the mosquito's tragic remains.

Sesshoumaru looked innocently into furious amber eyes.

That answered why he hesitated. There must be a method to dispatching them that results in less clean-up. Oh well, you live and learn.

With one long look at the gooey well; Sesshoumaru hoped it wasn't filled too high with bug innards. Or at least, that the power would 'make it all go away.' He didn't want Kagome forced to wade through that mess.

He glanced dispassionately at his fuming brother, and wordlessly turned back the way they had come.

An incredulous scoff hit his ears, but Sesshoumaru only kept walking.

"Sums up your stint as a human perfectly," Inuyasha bellowed. From the distance in his voice, he could tell he wasn't following him. "You swoop into our lives, make a huge mess of it and leave without cleaning up. Well even if you're gone, that mess is still there, and someone's gotta deal with it. Since we gotta live with it, I guess that's us. Must be nice to take off when it gets hard, but we can't do that."

Against his better judgment, Sesshoumaru stopped his progress to take in the scene behind him.

From his new distance, the extent of the damage was much clearer, and somewhat surprising to him. How that bug managed to fit all that inside him was really quite impressive.

"You just gonna leave us with your mess out West?" his brother yelled next. "You gonna let some assholes takeover and try to run shit, and you ain't even gonna give us a say?"

Inuyasha had managed to hit on his biggest qualm with all this.

His faith in the strength of his allies allowed him to gloss over that part, but the truth was, it was anybody's game.

He couldn't say with any certainty that the West would have a noble ruler in his wake. And those he left behind would be the ones to suffer the ramifications, should something unseemly come to pass.

But that was the way of the world. That was how all this worked. The strongest among them would find their way to leadership in one way or another. He could only hope for their sakes it was someone with a scrap of honor. Even better, with a sympathy for the less powerful species.

Almost faster than he could see, Inuyasha was before him again. Right in his face, arms crossed and scowling deep. Disapproval on display, and in no way ambiguous.

"Just go," he ordered softly. "That's the easy way out." But Sesshoumaru didn't. Didn't take orders, didn't follow commands. He just kept staring; expression unreadable.

"Never thought you'd be the one to run away. You really have changed, but here I thought it was for the better. It's a real disappointment."

Inuyasha continued to glare, waiting for him to finally retreat. But he didn't move.

The stare down continued until Sesshoumaru's eyes flicked down to his brother's hip, and at the sword that once defined their relationship.

If not for the clever hiding spot, Sesshoumaru never would have sought him out. He'd have never found the sword. Never even knew it existed. They never would have fought and clashed, and quarreled so passionately.

Never would have learned and grew, and come to any understanding. Never would have bonded in any way. The sword was the bond, the connection between them. Until they forged their own, it held them together by force.

Funny, he always thought it was what kept them apart.

"Give me the fang."

"What?"

A possessive hand flew to his own hilt out of reflex. The triumphant return of Sesshoumaru's covetous gaze had the inu feeling uneasy, and a little hurt.

"It was forged to protect humans, was it not? This One is now in need of such protection, much more so than you. With Tetsusaiga, I will have the strength to make a formidable opponent, at the very least. I will have a fighting chance in this form. You can attest."

He could. That sword had taken a scrappy, unrefined hanyou and turned him into a force to be reckoned with. A being strong enough to go toe to toe with the most powerful demons in existence. Even land a strike or two against the Lord of the West.

He'd taken down the evilest and most powerful villain in any of the four lands, and he knew that without Tetsusaiga, it never would have been possible.

"Give me the fang," he ordered again, "so that I may stay and fight alongside you. So that I may protect them. You have my solemn vow that I shall never turn it on you or any of your pack."

He knew he never would. He knew... he could be trusted.

He also knew he was right. He needed his father's - his sword more than ever. His power was gone, he was totally human, and he had droves of demons gunning for his hide. This weapon was not forged to reign supreme like he'd wanted it for originally. It was forged to give the underdog a fighting chance, just a slight edge to make it a fair fight. This was its intended purpose.

"If you truly wish me to stay, you must turn Tetsusaiga over to me. I have drawn it, and it has accepted me. I am worthy."

But it was his. It was an extension of his body at this point. And despite their mended relationship, giving it to Sesshoumaru went against every natural urge inside it. It felt wrong.

"If you do not, I shall take my leave. Those are my conditions."

He was much stronger now than he had been. Much stronger. And he'd like to think he didn't need it anymore.

But insecurity and fear made him grip his weapon tightly.

Was he good enough to fight without it? Was his own strength enough?

Or was his father's protection the only reason he was breathing?

Sesshoumaru stood stoically, waiting his response. The protective stance his brother took as he twisted his hip back told him what the answer would be.

But he was wrong.

Violet eyes widened incredibly as Inuyasha pulled his scabbard from his sash.

Awash in disbelief, Sesshoumaru could only stand stunned as he extended the sword in offering.

He wasn't happy about it. In fact, he looked downright depressed. But he kept his somber glare trained on his brother's, until the elder slowly reached out and wrapped his fingers around the sheath.

Stupefied into silence, he looked down at the weapon he had lusted for most of his life.

It wasn't borrowed, or stolen. It was his. Given of his own free will, Inuyasha had just done the one thing he'd sworn he'd never do. He couldn't believe it.

He truly didn't think the whelp would comply, especially after what happened the last time he'd asked for it. That was why he'd requested it.

Once Inuyasha refused him, he would have been free to leave. But he called his bluff, gave him his most prized possession, and for what? To simply keep him there with them? To lend him strength?

Why? Why do such a thing? What could possibly be in it for him?

He would willingly weaken himself to make his brother stronger? To ensure he remained? To let him live, if only a little longer?

He swore, no matter how long he was human, he was certain he would never understand them.

"That sword is meant to protect her," Inuyasha reminded him. "So do it."

He held his father's fang in both hands, and recalled the last time he'd done so.

Back at the river, Tetsusaiga had spoken to him. It told him in no uncertain terms that it would serve to protect her. Inuyasha new this too. That had always been its purpose.

It told her things too. About him. About them. About the bond they'd forged, and the consequences of forsaking it. About destiny.

He'd disregarded the notion immediately. Too quickly, he now realized. Because he hadn't wanted to hear it. Tetsusaiga read his heart, knew his desires. What would it say now if he held it in his grasp? What would it see?

He was certain he didn't want to know.

Just the thought of drawing that sword again caused a swell of anxiety to clog his throat and speed his pulse concerningly. Because he didn't need it to tell him his heart any longer. He well knew it no longer resided within his borrowed breast. He'd left it in Inuyasha's hut. Abandoned. Hurting.

It was a necessary evil, or so he'd told himself. But his brother's assessment rang true in that moment.

He'd spent so much of his life chasing this sword, obsessing and seething, and now that he had it, he was too afraid to even pull it from its sheath. He was a coward.

He wasn't running to meet his fate. He'd already met it, and instead of facing it head on, he was running as fast as he could in the other direction.

He knew what the sword would tell him, and he couldn't even bear to hear the truth. Not from Tetsusaiga; not from his brother.

And they would know the truth. There was no honor in the warrior's death he sought, when he was using it as an escape hatch to evade his true fear.

They may come for him, true. But this pack was far from weak. He'd done well in convincing himself he was protecting them, but he was deluded if he couldn't see it was the other way around. Had been for some time.

He was not their duty, but he was considered a member of this pack. And whether it was only temporarily was left entirely up to him. They were a formidable force, more than capable of defending what was theirs. If they considered that to be him, it was only an insult to surrender and to claim to do so for their benefit.

To suggest they could not stand and fight if need be, and to suggest it was actually they that needed his protection was an insult, and a farce. They hadn't failed him thus far.

If he wanted to go get his suicide by soldier, that was certainly his prerogative. But to suggest it was to keep them safe in a final altruistic act of bravery was downright offensive. They deserved better than that, and frankly, so did he.

If he wished to go through with this, he would have to admit that he was scared of what would happen once he accepted his new place in this world. He was afraid to learn that he would enjoy being just like them. That he would be happy in such an unimpressive existence. That he would prefer his meager human lifetime, if it meant he could be with her.

He would have to admit that he was afraid to find out how hollow, and unsatisfying, and pointless his youkai life had been; that his pursuit of power had been the wrong path, and his boastful claims of superiority had been wrong.

He would have to admit, if only to himself, that he was a coward, and what he feared most was a human woman whom he would have in lieu of his youki a thousand times over.

And Sesshoumaru was not a coward.

Inuyasha moved to step past his brother, but a swift flick of his wrist had the sheathed sword blocking his path. He followed the arm that held it all the way up to Sesshoumaru's bored façade, and remained that way until the weapon was shoved into his arms.

Confused and concerned; he took the sword back, but imploring eyes demanded answers.

"To keep your demon side in check, I would be forced to remain near you at all times." A haughty chin lifted as he looked down with contempt. "It is too high a price for even This One to tender."

Panic set in as Sesshoumaru began to turn, but before he could head back to his dragon; Inuyasha took a fistful of white silk, and pulled.

"No. We had a deal," he told him firmly, and became more urgent when Sesshoumaru lifted a brow. "You said you'd stay. You can't take it back."

He looked down to where his poor collar was being stretched out, exposing pale flesh, and back up into his brother's desperate gaze. There was a ferocity there as well that he couldn't help but find flattering.

"You may keep your sword," he deigned generously, glaring down into his brother's worried eyes. "Yet I will stay."

But he didn't release him. He continued to look on with the skepticism of a man who'd been toyed with too many times to let hope foster freely.

For the benefit of his poor, fine silk, Sesshoumaru added, "...since it apparently means so much to you."

Inuyasha released his shirt, and a heavy gasp as he let relief finally claim him. By the time Tetsusaiga was returned to its rightful place at his hip, Sesshoumaru was already making his way back.

"Where you going?" he asked, running to catch up.

"I made a rather large mess in your hut," he replied, casting a sidelong glance. "I had better go clean it while I can."

Inuyasha smiled as the two continued to walk back.

"Have you any idea where I should start?" Sesshoumaru ventured, already playing scenarios through his mind and not liking the results he was getting.

Inuyasha laughed to himself. Kagome's temper was one to be reckoned with, as he was sure he well knew. If not, Sesshoumaru was going to get extremely familiar with that fact very soon.

But it wasn't like the bastard didn't deserve it. And he was more than pleased to let his brother be the one to take the brunt of her fury, instead of himself for a change.

He did feel bad for the guy though, so he tried to think of any successes he'd ever had in softening the blow. One came to mind, and had him reaching into his robes.

"Here, take these." Sesshoumaru stopped, and stared suspiciously at the sprig of yellow blooms his brother held out for him. "Sometimes they help sop up the sludge, but not always."

He lifted a brow. Humans were so strange. How could a few flowers, rumpled and worn from abuse inside a man's clothes aid in making amends? But more importantly...

"Why do you have these?" he asked, but still reached out carefully to accept the small bouquet.

"Rin picked 'em for you earlier. I forgot she asked me to hold onto them."

Of course. He should have known any flowers in the vicinity would have Rin's fingerprints on them.

There was a kid that had a large floral arrangement coming her way, after he spoke to Kagome. He just wasn't so sure the miko would be as appeased by such a gesture.

Sensing his reluctance, his bother added, "If you don't use 'em now, I'm pretty sure you'll be wearing a flower crown tomorrow." Inuyasha grinned wide at the thought. "As much as I'd love to see that-"

"What should I say?"

He'd been cruel. And though it had been for her own good, he doubted Kagome would take that into account.

He gazed helplessly at the flowers in his hand, and Inuyasha noted that he looked just as lost as he had earlier. It must be hard for the proud lord, being constantly out of his depth.

Unfortunately, he was on his own with this one.

"You're asking me?" he asked incredulously, and shook his head. "Feh, good luck."

---

A/N: Alright, we're almost there! Next chapter will likely be longer, but prob not toooo much. But even if i go nuts again and write 100 pages, i'm still gonna post it in one big long chapter lol. i'm sure that won't happen tho...