Chapter 13: Darker

Damon Salvatore; turned by Katherine Pierce in 1864 along with his brother Stefan. He left Mystic Falls nearly a year later thinking the love of his life had died in the tomb under Fell's Church...poor sap. She fooled them both. Then he spent the next century and a half tearing his way through Europe; a man serving no master but his own darkest desires. His love for Katherine made him a vampire…but her betrayal made him a monster.

In the early 1990's, he changed. He was darker than he'd ever been before. He completely shut off his humanity. Not even his own brother was able to pull him back from the edge. From New York to California, bodies of young women were left drained of blood. They all had one thing in common; long dark hair and brown eyes. His obsession of killing Katherine became so strong that he recreated it over and over; a sick and sadistic act of control. He would find a girl, charm her, compel her to invite him in and drink her dry. Hundreds of them. Then he staged their bodies as if they were sleeping…in their own beds.

Damon slammed the book closed, and tossed it on his nightstand before rubbing his hands over his face. His heart sunk in his chest and he felt a sick feeling roll over him as the memories of his kills came flooding back. It wasn't the remorse of having done it…he'd made peace with that years ago. It was that Elena had read that; she knew some of his darkest of moments now. Had he known Elena back then, he would have been fascinated by her resemblance to Katherine and would have relished in killing her.

But now he just wanted to make her forget she ever read this. Damon briefly entertained the thought. He didn't know how she could even look at him without disgust. He started this killing spree after running into Katherine in Chicago, desperately trying to bury his emotions of her betrayal. This seemed to be the only way he could channel his rage.

He sighed a huff of frustration. "Don't just hover at the door, Stefan. It's creepy."

The door pushed open, and his brother took a few calculated steps into the room. "We should talk."

Damon threw his legs off the bed, and strode to his dresser to slip a shirt over his bare chest. He'd been up for hours, but he'd kept himself closed off in his room all morning, reading through the journal Elena had left him with yesterday. "I don't want to talk." He uttered exasperatedly.

"Look…I know you're angry with me." Stefan started, as Damon turned his back on him. "I fucked up…I know that. I promised you I'd keep Elena safe and I failed. Everything with Isobel-"

Damon's face contorted incredulously as he looked over his shoulder. "You think that's what I'm mad about?" He cut Stefan off, as he rounded on him, stalking towards him with his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched. "You fed from her, Stefan! You can barely hold it together when you drink the bagged stuff, and you thought you could handle blood straight from the vein!? You could have killed her!" He bellowed, deflecting his anger from this morning to his brother.

"But I didn't!" Stefan retorted strongly. "It's not like she gave me a choice, Damon. Yes, I wanted to keep drinking, and yes…I put her life in danger and I can't tell you how sorry I am for doing that, but I stopped." He put his hand to his chest. "I have this under control now."

Damon's eyes flared with blue fire and his lips set in a thin line. "That's not the point." He ground out through gritted teeth.

Stefan straightened and crossed his arms. "Well then what is your point?"

"You want to know why I'm mad, brother…" He seethed in a low timbery tone. "I'm mad, because of all the girls in all the world you could have caught feelings for, it had to be Elena. I'm mad because you fed off her and then let her drink from you, knowing that she has no fucking clue what that means!" Stefan had the decency to bow his head. "But you know what I'm really mad about…I trusted you. I trusted that she would be safe with you, and not only was her life in danger but so were her friend's lives." Damon frowned disappointedly. "You should have called me, Stef. I'm sure she begged you not to…but you should have done it anyways."

The younger brother nodded regretfully. "I know. I'm sorry."

Damon clapped him on the shoulder. "You're my brother, and I love you…but if she gets hurt on your watch again, I'll beat you unconscious." He walked past him heading for the bathroom, and Stefan's gaze followed him, his brows deeply furrowed.

"Damon…" he waited for him to turn around, stopping in the doorway. "I do have feelings for Elena…" A muscle in Damon's neck twitched. "But it's clear that I'm not who she wants. I'll back off." Stefan headed for the door with a curt nod, leaving Damon to his thoughts.

Stefan's admission bothered him more than he cared to admit, but something deep inside nagged at him. He wasn't an idiot…he knew that Elena's feelings ran further than friendship; he'd seen it that night at the motel, and he all but ran to avoid it. She shouldn't feel that way about him…she was Grayson's daughter; he'd know her since she was a child. She was his friend; he was her keeper…and Damon had no business thinking about her as anything other than that. He couldn't.

But she would look at him with those big doe eyes, wide and full of emotion, as if they were talking to him, telling him everything she wanted to say but couldn't; she would kiss his cheek or grab his hand and he'd feel his resolve slowly waning. Elena made it so easy for him to forget who he was; forget that he was a monster. But history would not be repeating itself.

…

Elena sleepily poured herself a cup of coffee, adding milk and a spoon of sugar, dreading the day ahead of her. How was she supposed to focus on school when all she could think about was if she'd be alive by the end of the year? She glanced at her phone again, hoping to see a text from Damon. She was anxious about what they talked about last night and how he was taking this new information.

Jenna rushed in, dropping a file box on the table before pouring herself a coffee and snatching an apple off the bowl on the island. "Morning." She smiled at her niece's obviously grumpy expression. "What's got you all bad moody?"

Elena let a puff of air out the side of her mouth. "Nothing…just didn't sleep well." She glanced over her shoulder at the box. "What's all this?"

"Gilbert Family memorabilia from the attic. I'm bringing a few things over to Carol Lockwood for the Founder's party next week." She rolled her eyes mockingly. "You know how she like to make a big show of things. I think I saw a few of your dad's medical journals in there."

Elena straightened. "Really?"

Jenna nodded as she sipped her coffee. "Yeah. He kept records of everything; studies, trials, patients." Elena's eyes snapped up to meet hers. "I don't have to bring that over until tomorrow; why don't you go through and see what you want to hold onto." She checked the time on the stove. "Damnit! I've got to get to campus. Showing up late two days in a row is not a good look." She laughed, before rushing out the door.

Elena put her mug down and slowly pulled items out of the box with a fond smile. There were multiple books; mostly old leather bound journals, and a few others with her father's name across the front. There was an album, that was filled with pictures from her childhood, and a few loose photos tucked inside that based on their clothes, were from at lease a hundred years ago. Near the bottom she found a wooden box, and her heart jumped in her chest. This very box used to sit on her mother's vanity. Opening it slowly, Elena pulled out each item; her great grandfather's pocket watch, her parent's engagement rings, her grandmother's pearls…a frown of anguish pulled at her features as she pulled out a large ring with a black square stone. Had her father been wearing this ring the night of the fire, he'd still be alive today. She tucked it into her pocket and wiped the tear that fell.

She wished her parents were still here. She wished she didn't have to do this without them. Elena rushed back upstairs, to finish getting ready, and grabbed her journal from behind her horse painting. She would make up some excuse for not showing up to school today, but right now she needed to clear her head.

…

Damon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, listening to his friend rant on the other end. "Ric, listen-" His head shot up when the door opened and his eyes hardened. "She just walked in." He ground out between clenched teeth. "Oh, don't worry, I will." He hung up and gave a pointed look at Elena. "Skipping school now? Want to at least let someone know when you decide to be a rebel?"

She sighed coming down the steps and dropping her purse on the couch. "Sorry, but can you blame me for not being a bit distracted by the drama that is my life."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Ric told me to give you shit."

"Are you going to?" She challenged.

He thought about it for a moment. "Yes. You can't just go MIA like this, Elena. Ric said no one has heard from you, not even Bonnie or Caroline. There are people out there that want you dead."

She bowed her head. "Look Damon, I'm sorry, I just needed one day to forget about everything. I'm…exhausted. I can't sleep, I just keep playing this all out in my head and I…" She sighed miserably with a small shake of her head. He regarded her with a sympathetic smile, as he tucked a lock of hair that fell behind her ear, his fingers lingering longer than necessary as his tongue subconsciously darted out to lick his lips. Her eyes snapped up to meet his. "What are you doing?"

He wasn't looking at her, but through her, lost in his own thoughts. "I don't know." He whispered lowly, the pads of his fingers slowly dropping away, but she caught them in her hand, holding it to her face and closing her eyes as she nuzzled into his palm. His eyes turned cold as his grasp tightened, gripping her throat, and slammed her down to the hard floor with haste. "Katherine." He snarled down at her laughing face.

"At least I fooled one of you." She spun them so she was on top, straddling and pinning him to the floor. "I think I get it now. You and Stefan are doomed to repeat history all over again." She trailed her hand down the side of his face and Damon swatted it away, leaping to his feet.

Her words struck a chord in him that made him defensive. "It's not like that." He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. Even to his own ears it didn't sound convincing.

Her eyes shifted impishly. "Isn't it? Because what it felt like was you desperately wanting to kiss me." She closed the distance between them, her movements slow and sleek like a jaguar.

He looked her over with a contemptuous curl of his lip. Her hair was pin straight, and she was wearing a long sleeve army green V-neck, her legs clad in blue jeans and flat brown ankle boots. This was intentional. "What the hell are you doing Katherine…pretending to be Elena? Pretty cliché if you ask me." He smirked. "Didn't I see this in a Lindsey Lohan movie once?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically before staring at him from under her dark lashes. "I'm prettier. What can I say Damon…I'm bored." She dropped gracefully down onto the couch, draping her arms across the length of the back, and crossed her legs. "You dragged me back to this one-horse town filled with people I can't kill for fear of being exposed. It's like 1864 all over again." A small pout formed on her lips.

Damon strode over to the liquor cart and poured himself a full glass from the decanter. "Why don't you make yourself useful and get the moonstone from wolf boy."

Her eyes narrowed into splintering slits. "I'm working on it." Her leg bounced as she drank him in hungrily with pursed lips.

He could feel the heat of her eyes on him. "What." He snapped swallowing down the amber liquid.

She rolled her wrists, flipping her palms up with a careless shrug and a bat of her lashes. "I'm just enjoying the view. You're different…darker than I remember." She canted her head observantly.

Damon scoffed into his nearly empty glass. "Yeah, well last time I saw you, I was still foolishly in love with you." His icy glare fixed on her out of the corner of his eyes.

A twinge of insecurity rose in her, the tell being the subtle way she bit down on her bottom lip. In a blink she masked it, keeping her face guarded. "And now?" A deep frown set in his brow, unsure of where she was going with this. Katherine was up in an instant, whooshing towards him, only inches from his face. Her gaze dropped to his lips.

"Now…I feel nothing." He whispered. Brown eyes clashed with blue. "Now, every time I look at you...I regret every moment I ever wasted on loving you." Damon smirked at the hurt that flashed over her face.

Katherine laughed cynically, with a slow shake of her head, as she ran a finger down his chest. "No…that's where you're wrong, Damon. You don't regret loving me because a part of you still does. I made you; you would have died a sad, directionless, coward begging for his father's approval if it wasn't for me." Damon snarled in response; his posture rippled with tension as she cut through his deepest insecurities. Tit for tat. "I taught you how to live. I taught you passion…freedom. I taught you how to love." She was satisfied when he finally broke eye contact with her, his glare diverting to a spot over her shoulder. "So you can hate me…but we both know that loving me was the best thing for you." She stepped back slowly, spinning around, and grabbing her purse off the couch, in a swift and graceful movement as she headed for the stairs. "Oh, shouldn't you be looking for Elena…sounds like she went MIA."

Damon squeezed his eyes shut, and refrained from throwing the crystal glass in her direction. What frustrated him more than anything was that she was right. Becoming a vampire was the best thing that ever happened to him; it freed him from the chokehold of his father's crippling disappointment. It made him brave, confident…fearless. He gained purpose. Elena. He had to find her. It would be a happy distraction from her insufferable carbon copy shedding light on all the things he didn't want to think about. Like what he would have done had that not been Katherine.

…

Dear diary,

Where do I start? Part of me hasn't wanted to put this down on paper…then it would be real and I can't ignore it anymore. I always knew that one day someone would be coming for me, I just didn't think it would be the oldest vampire in the history of the world…or that I might not survive it. Damon is trying to be optimistic, but I know he has his doubts. And if that wasn't enough, I have Katherine to deal with now. Not exactly sure how I feel about that yet. Something about the way she looks at him makes me want to wring her neck. Ugh…then there's Dam

Elena's head snapped up from her written thoughts at the sound of the rustling coming from the trees. She glanced around the cemetery, where she settled across from her parent's tombstones. The sounds got louder and she shot to her feet nervously. She sighed in relief when she saw Stefan appear in the clearing. "Hey." She mumbled awkwardly. Things between them were weird after he confronted her the other day, and they hadn't really spoken since.

He seemed relieved, but stormed over agitatedly. "Where the hell have you been? Ric's freaking out; said you never showed up to class. No one could get a hold of you." He ranted, concern and frustration lacing his tone.

She grabbed her bag off the ground and tucked her diary inside. "I forgot my phone at home."

He shot her a look of disappointment. "You can't just disappear like that, it's too dangerous, what if something happened to you?"

Her eyes rolled as she glanced away. "I'm fine, Stefan. I skipped school, not town. I just needed to clear my head." He still seemed angry. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I was worried. Because I care about you, Elena." He exclaimed passionately, offended that she couldn't see that. "We all do." He added in a calmer tone.

She reeled back slightly." Well, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to worry everyone." Her heart pounded at the heated look he was giving her; like he wanted to envelop her in his arms to confirm she was safe. Her eyes darted away uncomfortably.

"Well, we better get you home before Damon compels a search party." He teased, although his shoulders were still rigid with tension as they followed the trail back to the boarding house. He shot a quick text to his brother, to let him know that he was coming back with Elena. A series of vibrations announced Damon's rapid responses.

She winced. "Is he mad?" Stefan offered her a tight smile, his brows raised high on his forehead. "He's mad." She concluded with a resolute nod. She groaned. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."

"He's just worried…naturally. You know how important you are to him." He uttered dejectedly, as he kept his focus trained straight ahead.

She huffed out a sharp laugh. "I know. He takes his mission very seriously." Elena mocked in her best imitation of Damon's deep voice.

He couldn't help snapping his head to stare at her with curious green eyes. "You think that's all he cares about? The mission?"

Letting out a deep sigh, she turned slightly to face him as they continued down the trail. "It's not just about the promise he made my parents, I know that. It's just…sometimes I feel like I'm a burden to him – not that he'd ever admit it – but even though were…friends," she ground out bitterly, "I'm still this damsel in distress to him that constantly needs saving." Elena glanced away, nervously twisting the ring on her finger.

Stefan nodded to himself, the meaning behind her words confirming what he already knew. "And that's not what you want. You don't want to be friends, do you." She darted a surprised glance at him, mouth slightly parted, and he had to question why he even brought it up. "You have feelings for him." He continued slowly.

Elena released a shaky breath. "I don't know what I feel." She admitted quietly. "Even if I did…it doesn't matter." She forced a pained smile and her nose scrunched. "Can we not talk about this? Can we talk about something less weird like how Katherine convinced you she was me." She joked good naturedly, giving him a pointed look.

He let out an unexpected laugh. "And that's less weird for you?" He retorted. "Okay, point made." There was a moment of silence before Stefan broke it. "You can't blame me for falling for it…she was very convincing."

Part of her wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but she asked anyways. "What did she say to you?"

He stopped walking, looking everywhere but at her. "She told me to give in; stop fighting what I was feeling, so I did." He continued in a slow, clipped voice. "I kissed her thinking it was you and she kissed me back." His eyes finally fell on her, filled with anguish.

"I'm sorry she did that to you. It wasn't fair." She glanced down, feeling overwhelmed. "Stefan…" She closed her eyes, searching for the right words.

He nodded with a furrowed brow; his mouth pulled in a thin grim line. "I know, Elena."

She tilted her head, staring at him with remorseful eyes. "I'm sorry." The words came out in a choked whisper.

They spent the rest of the walk back in tense silence.

…

AN: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I hope this sheds a bit of light on how Damon is feeling. More to come on this. What are we going to find in the Grayson Gilbert journals? Is Damon in there? We shall seeeeee! Please review!

Vanessa