A/N

Suuuuper long chapter today. Lots o' drama on the ol' Normandy. Enjoy! :-)

Hi Mom,

Listen, I know we've always maintained strict boundaries on the professional level. That's our thing. I know that.

But I need you to keep an eye out for a man called Stephen Toombs. He's being transported by the Fifth Fleet to Arcturus. From there, he should be transferred to a transport to Earth. I've attached his travel itinerary.

I'm not asking for much. If you could just find a reason to be at the docks during his transfer, that would be enough. If you could make sure you see him physically step onto the ship heading to Earth, that would be better.

Thank you.

Love,

Your daughter, Commander Camina

Message sent.

Cam,

Stephen Toombs? I remember his name from the news vids.

Camina, he was an Akuze casualty. What's going on?

Love,

Your mother, XO Hannah

Message received.

Mom,

I can't say more. I wish I could.

His transfer to Earth is Alliance-authorized. It's all above board. I just have some concerns that there might be other parties involved.

Look, I know I've never asked you for anything like this before. But I need you to make sure he gets home. Please.

Love,

Your daughter, Commander Camina

Message sent.

Cam,

Of course I will.

Love,

Your mother, XO Hannah

Message received.

Mom,

After it was over, while we waited for the Fifth Fleet to send a transport for him, Toombs asked if it would be alright if he went outside. He didn't have to say why. I nodded, told him I needed some air too, and followed him outside the compound. Liara moved to come with, too, but Wrex laid a massive hand gently on her shoulder.

"We'll clean up here," he grumbled, looking pointedly at Liara.

Her eyes widened at him as she clued in, giving me a pained half-smile before following Wrex. I nodded at both of them in gratitude.

Once we were outside, Toombs sank down to the ground next to the door, leaning back against the compound wall. He drew his knees up and resting his elbows on them. Wordlessly, I sat down beside him. I followed his gaze to the horizon: an electrical storm raged, its pulses snapping out to strike the mountain peaks.

Toombs did not tell me to leave. I took that as an invitation to tell him about the acid burns across my shoulder blades. I told him every pucker of skin was a memory of agony. I told him that I couldn't imagine how it must have felt when they injected the acid into his bloodstream.

That last part was only a half-truth. I know what that acid felt like on my own skin. I can imagine what it must have felt to have it eat away at you from the inside.

I just don't want to.

Toombs nodded slowly, taking in my words. We sat in silence for another minute. Then, suddenly, words started tumbling out of him, as if a dam had broken.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Shepard, for the things I said to you. I didn't mean it. Or I did, but I didn't understand and I—"

"You aren't wrong," I said, gently. "Compared to what they did to you…yeah, I left Akuze with a few scratches and a bad ass reputation."

I tried not to look at him, keeping my eyes fixed on the storm in the distance.

"And the ghosts," Toombs muttered. "You picked up and carried our ghosts with you when you left."

I couldn't help it now. I glanced at him. His jawline was tensed and something unsettled danced behind his eyes. Still, I could see the distress he'd been caught up in earlier starting to ebb away.

It would take time. It would take work. But he'd be okay.

"For what it's worth," I said, not sure if it was the right thing to say, but diving in anyhow, "I'm glad you're one less ghost to carry."

His mouth twitched – maybe it was supposed to be a smile, maybe a grimace. Maybe both. He turned back to the storm.

"Yeah," he mumbled, "me too."

Then, there it was: a real smile. Nothing like the grin I'd remembered from before Akuze, but an echo of it. Still, that was something, at least.

"You know, Shepard, you were a good kid – as special ops go, at least." He shook his head, but he was still smiling. "A little grim, maybe. But already shaper and deadlier than the rest of us. You stood out - even then, is all I'm trying to say." His smile broadened. "How about I make you a deal?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. How about you keep doing…whatever it is you're doing out here. I'm sure it's important, knowing you and your reputation. Whatever it is – you keep doing that." His smile disappeared, his voice turned serious. "You work on saving the living. And you leave the ghosts for me to carry, alright?"

I snorted and he gave a small, sad, half-shrug in response.

We sat in silence until the Alliance shuttle landed nearby. We shook hands and he saluted me as he stepped up onto the shuttle. I examined the two crewmen aboard without seeming like I was doing so – but they seemed like ordinary Alliance to me. The fact that the Alliance had somehow been involved in Toombs captured…in the whole sick "experiment" that had been Akuze… I knew, then, I needed someone I trusted to make sure Toombs made it back to Earth. I felt like I'd just peeled back the layer on something big. Something terrifying.

I'm Alliance, born and raised. How could something like this happen under its watch? I heard the doors cycle open and Wrex and Liara came to stand behind me as I watched the shuttle depart. For a moment, just a moment, I tried to push away the sickening feeling that this wasn't going to end here – that this Cerberus organization would rear its head again—and I tried to recapture that brief glimmer of peace I'd felt as Toombs and I had sat in silence, watching the storm in the distance. This was the beginning of something for me, but, I hoped, the beginning of the end for Toombs.

Once we were back on the Normandy, the full weight of my hypocrisy punched me in the gut.

Because, only yesterday, Vakarian said he wanted to thank me – it was a little startling, since all I'd done was convince him to arrest Dr. Saleon instead of gunning the salarian down. It didn't feel like much, at the time: let the doctor live and stand trial. It was an easy call to make.

And, today, I shot my own mad scientist. With no hesitation.

What the hell is wrong with me?

If I hadn't crawled away from the massacre site to find that comm link, they would have taken me too. Tortured me. This isn't conjecture on my part – I know this with a cold certainty that I can't expect anyone else to understand. Change one variable…and I could have been him.

I was him.

But I killed the scientist. Not Toombs.

I need to go punch something.

Love,

Your daughter, Commander Camina

Message unsent.

GV: Liara, are you there?

LT: Yes. What is it?

GV: I think you need to get down here. There's something wrong with Shepard.

LT: Should I bring Dr. Chakwas?

GV: No, I … maybe?

GV: Look, she came storming down into the cargo bay. Her aura was flaring before she even stepped off the elevator. She's grabbed a couple of those practice drones and now she's tossing them around the cargo bay.

LT: The last mission was difficult for her.

GV: I tried talking to her – asked her what's wrong. I mean, she's shut me down before but this time…she didn't even look at me. Just muttered something about 'target practice' and starting going after those drones like they were personally responsible for Saren's escape.

GV: Can you get down here? Maybe she'd talk to you?

LT: I don't know what to say to her. I'm not used to dealing with people.

LT: It was a difficult mission. When we made it to the base, she found out that the human who was killing those Alliance scientist was her old comrade. We got there just in time for him to have the last scientist at gunpoint. And then Shepard shot him.

GV: Having to put down an old teammate. I can understand why she's like this now, at least.

LT: No, no. The scientist. She shot the scientist.

GV: What?

LT: Look, here, just read the mission report.

File: UNC Assignment: Dead Scientists

Download? y/n

n

GV: Liara, I'm not taking the time to read a damn report while she's having a breakdown in the cargo bay. She's given up on the biotics now and I'm watching her try to tear apart a drone with her bare hands.

GV: The crew shouldn't see her like this. Thank the Spirits it's just me and Wrex down here right now. Williams and that req officer – I can never remember his name – are both on their sleep shifts.

LT: This might just be her way of working through this. I don't know what I can do.

GV: Someone has to do something.

LT: Alright, fine. I'm on my way.

GV: Never mind.

LT: What do you mean?

GV: Wrex just fixed it.

LT: Wrex?

GV: Okay, you really need to see this. I'm patching you into the security feed.

LT: You can do that?

GV: Tali convinced Adams to give her access—only for the crew areas of the ship-then she passed it on to me. Doesn't matter right now. Watch.

Stream transfers: security camera: NSR1-6CB

GV: You see her?

LT: Yes, of course, I just really don't know what to say.

LT: Poor Wrex.

GV: Well, now he's laughing and discussing how it's been too long since he's had a real challenge. He'll live.

Chat ended.

Hi Sol,

I've never seen the Commander like that before. She came out of the elevator already glowing blue, her biotics sparking along her skin as if she couldn't contain the energy. Wrex had been poking around William's weapons workbench without her permission—probably modding his new shotgun in ways that would have broken at least fifty regulations on the Citadel. But, the moment Shepard entered the cargo bay, his head snapped up. His eyes narrowed.

I cleared my throat.

"Commander, are you-?"

She's certainly been abrupt before: just a few days ago, she'd been testy at the end of those biotic drills, but that outburst had been accompanied by a stare that could have taken down a krogan at 200 metres. "Staring daggers", Joker called it once, when he'd been on the receiving end of one of these looks himself. I thought it was more like "staring fusion grenades", personally, but…this time. This time was different.

This time, she wouldn't even meet my gaze.

"It's fine, Vakarian. Just looking for a little target practice", she snapped before I could get any further. Her voice was loud and strained: the too-loud tone of a lie.

But I did back off, retreating to the Mako's diagnostic terminals. I couldn't even pretend to be using the terminal: it was impossible to look away from her. She began powering up the drones they'd been using for biotic drills.

As much as I'd complained to Tali, those drills had been about strategy: she'd been calm, cool, and wearing this self-satisfied smile as she pressured Liara and Kaiden to try combinations of powers and tactics they'd never tried before. It had been like watching an artist work.

But, today, each biotic burst shot out of her with a ragged crackle, with secondary explosions trailing along in the wake of each lift or throw – a telltale of amateurism for biotics, usually. The instant the drone's indicator glowed green, she lifted it up, then slammed it against the wall with a throw. Then she waited, breathing hard, until the glow around her re-intensified. As soon as she had enough power regained, she did the same maneuver: over and over again. No thoughtful experimentation.

Just violence. The drone began to smoke and whine.

I didn't know what to do. She was my commanding officer. If she wanted to destroy drones in the cargo bay, it was hardly my place to tell her otherwise.

But I hated seeing her like this.

I remembered what Joker had said about Dr. T'Soni – and how Shepard had watched her during the biotic drills with a considering (maybe?) kind of look she certainly hadn't been giving to Alenko. I cued up the chat. And I'd just convinced Liara to come to the cargo bay when, suddenly, it didn't matter.

Because Wrex decided to intervene.

The Commander stepped towards the drone, hefting it bodily into the air, and swung it into the cargo bay doors, leaving a scuff mark. She stepped towards the drone again – but Wrex, clearing his throat, strode across the bay.

"That drone isn't a match for you, Shepard," he rumbled. "But I haven't had a real challenge in a long time."

He pounded his chest. It was ridiculous. Given the shit-eating grin plastered on his face, it was meant to be so.

Shepard looked up from the drone. Her eyes – blue like burning copper – lost their unfocused, far-off look and targeted Wrex.

"You think you can take me down, krogan?" she growled – almost herself again, but not quite. There was a hint of an edge in her voice.

"I know I can," Wrex shot back. But there was, for the first time – maybe the first time in his entire life – an undercurrent of uncertainty in his voice. A "wait…what have I gotten myself into…" kind of moment. This Shepard, who was so full of rage and power without control, was new to both of us – and he genuinely wasn't sure what that meant.

Shepard's answering grin was fierce. I was certain she'd heard the same uncertainty as I did.

And she charged forwards.

I'd never seen anything like it. I quickly patched the feed through to both Liara and Tali. Tali has no idea what she was even witnessing. Liara, at least, had the context.

Wrex answered by sidestepping with an asari-like speed, swiping for her with a massive hand. She slid under him, twisting, and threw several punches at his back. She hit hard. Still, Wrex was wearing his armor, as he usually did, while Shepard was still in nothing except her Alliance uniform. Jabbing at a krogan's armor can't really do anything except tickle. Which told me that either she wasn't thinking tactically…or she just didn't care.

He swung around and snatched at her – she dodged back. There was still a freneticism to her movements that said her earlier distress hadn't quite faded away. But Wrex was on to something: I could see each blow becoming more focused with every hit. She stepped forward again, Wrex moved to block, and then she was inside his guard on his other side.

He chuckled. Then he wrapped her in both his massive arms. She put both her arms over her head, sliding out of his grip between he could tighten it. She aimed a kick at a knee – Wrex collapsed onto it. A weak spot in his armor.

Her biotics flared and she raised her fist, attempting a lift. It did nothing more than make Wrex hover for maybe a split-second above the ground. His resistance really is impressive. But she must have known it would be.

Of course she had – and it didn't matter. She used her body movement to spring – like a leaping varren – against his shoulder, using the small difference the lift had made in his gravity to her advantage, leveraging him down. He roared a thundering "hah!" – but twisted into the throw-down, using his own momentum to slap his open hand onto her chest: pushing her to the floor while using the counter-momentum to get himself upright.

Shepard sprang to her feet. Wrex swung a punch. Punch-block-punch-block. Textbook.

I took it as a good sign that she had stopped making mistakes: her blue eyes flashed. I knew that look: calculating risks.

She stepped again inside his guard – this time, with a biotic lift aimed at chest. He tilted backwards, scrabbling at her, but she dodged and began laying blows along his side. He snarled – again, moving with the lift rather than trying to resist it – and managed to curl his fingers around her leg.

The lift dispelled. They both crashed to the ground. Wrex hauled himself up and hauled her up by her leg – she dangled there. Sections of her dark hair had fallen free of the tight weaving, brushing the cargo bay floor.

"Hah!" Wrex said – real triumph in his voice. Shockingly, he actually sounded winded.

But she wasn't done yet. She folded herself in half using her abdominals – something no turian or krogan could do anatomically. The evolutionary ancestors of humans climbed trees, I recalled. She swung herself upwards and swung her other leg across Wrex's shoulders, pulling her ankle through the weak point in his grasp as she did so. She drew back her arm – preparing to strike.

Now, krogan don't have much in terms of weaknesses. There's a reason why the genophage was necessary. But they do have a weak spot along either side of their jawline: vestibular sacs that regulate their sense of balance. Strike one of these with enough force and a krogan drops faster than a volus with a suit rupture. In C-Sec, they teach you not to bother aiming to hit these – getting close enough to even take a swing is the first challenge, then actually mustering enough strength that they can feel it…Well, let's just say it's rarely a successful maneuver, and attempting it is more likely to get you killed than to do any damage to the krogan.

Still, this was Shepard. So, as she perched on his shoulders, Shepard leaned around and struck Wrex on the jaw. And, I swear, she pulled her punch. She wasn't even hitting him full-force.

But he dropped with a roar of genuine pain. scrabbling to pull her off his back even as we went down. She leaped off his back, but not before one of his wild swings connected with her face. She rolled sideways – and was still.

Wrex, flat on his back, groaned. There was no sound coming from Shepard.

I was halfway across the cargo bay, cueing up medi-gel with my omni-tool, when she rose to her feet, tilting her neck from side to side. There was a dribble of red blood on her lip – but that was it. She barely seemed to notice. She straightened her uniform.

Then, grinning widely, she snapped Wrex a salute.

"I think we can call it here," she called cheerfully.

"Sounds good to me," Wrex said, less cheerfully and rubbing at the sore spot on his face.

Her eyes narrowed at him.

"You okay?" she asked, carefully.

"Hah! Perfect. Thanks for the warm-up."

"No problem," she said. But then her gaze flicked over to me. Her smile faded and the darkness in her eyes returned. She looked away.

"I should go."

And she was gone.

Once the elevator doors slide shut behind her, Wrex sighed and leaned heavily on the workbench. It groaned under his weight.

"Are you actually going to be okay?" I asked.

He raised his ruby eyes to me, shrugged, then seemed to decide to give me a more honest answer than what he'd given her.

"Hmph. Let's just say I'm looking forward to my regen kicking in. You know, for a human, she hits hard."

"What kind of krogan are you, anyhow?" I quipped. "She wasn't even wearing armor."

Rather than bluster back, though, Wrex looked thoughtful.

"You know, if it came down to it, I'm pretty sure I would lose that fight," and his gaze grew distant. Although Wrex was the king of posturing, he wasn't this time – merely stating a fact. "She pulled that last punch, you know."

I shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah…she did."

He lowered himself gingerly to the floor, pressing his back against the wall: she really had done a number on him and Wrex had been so good at hiding it, she had no idea.

"That was a good thing you did there, Wrex." I said. "I, for one, appreciate your sacrifice and I'll honour your memory."

The krogan chuckled.

"I'd like to see you try to take her on, kid."

"Hey, unlike you, I'm smart enough to know not to try."

"Hah!"

"Honestly, Wrex," I said quietly, seriously. "Thank you. I had no idea what to do."

Again, his ruby eyes shot over to me, appraising me.

"You must have seen your fair share of trauma cases with C-Sec?"

I shrugged.

"Sure. I can recognize it when I see it. Doesn't mean I know what to do about it."

"I guess 300 years and living on a planet full of violence-prone parents dealing with infertility and stillborn kids has given me an edge over you on that one." He grimaced – it was probably supposed to be a smile, but it held too much pain to even come close to approximating one. "Next time, don't overthink it. Sometimes, they just need you to be there."

"And be a punching bag?"

"Probably not something I'd advise, in retrospect," he said, rubbing the spot on his jaw. "Krogan might have more than our share of experience with trauma, but our solutions for dealing with it are…yeah…limited at best. I offered what I had. Which, I suppose, is all anyone can do."

Wrex closed his eyes and sighed, leaning back against the wall. I found myself amazed, again, at the thoughtfulness Wrex managed to keep mostly concealed beneath his "I'm a big bad battlemaster" persona.

Stick around, kid, he'd told me on the Citadel, and you just might learn something.

I turned around to go back to re-aligning the Mako's axles for the hundredth time, but Wrex heard the movement and one eye quirked open.

"So, are you pissed?" he grumbled.

"Am I what?"

"Are you pissed?" he repeated. Then, he groaned and adjusted his position against the wall. "You know, I thought the cargo bay would be a nice, quiet spot to hole up in," he mumbled, "and somehow I've managed to witness all the drama." He coughed. "Look, I know she wouldn't let you put down your salarian doctor. Aren't you pissed that a few days later she's turned around and executed her own evil scientist?"

My mandibles flicked against my face.

The Commander's inability to look me in the eye suddenly made a whole lot of sense. Part of me had known that the instant Liara messaged that Shepard had shot the scientist, but, mostly, I had been trying to ignore that – to push it aside so that the clarity Shepard had given me before could still shine through. I didn't want it muddied by…by whatever this was.

"If I were you, I'd be furious," he offered. "Personally, one less salarian scientist in the world seems like a good thing, to me. To tell you that you couldn't kill your scientist…and then turn around and shoot another…? Yeah."

But there was something steely in his gaze that told me it wasn't saying this out of kindness or empathy – he was gauging me. This was a test of some sort.

"I haven't read the mission report yet," I dodged. "Liara just sent it."

"Alright…but….?" Wrex said, waiting.

My eyes drifted towards the elevator, to the spot where she'd last been.

"Shepard…" I began hesitantly, "…the Commander, I mean. She…she is not against killing people who need to die. If she were, she couldn't do her job." I glanced over at Wrex, but he waited for me to continue. I coughed, considering. "I'll read the report. But I know…in my gut, like the humans say…that whatever call she made on that last mission, she would have done it because it was the right thing to do."

Wrex grunted, frowning, and then closed his eyes again. I could not tell if my answer was to his satisfaction or not. I could not tell anything about what he was thinking.

"Do you want me to give you a heads-up if any of the others are coming down?" I said, offering the only kindness I could.

"Yes," he growled, without opening his eyes. "Do that, and I'll owe you a round of ryncol."

I made a face the krogan could not see.

"That's…okay. I'll pass on that one."

Wrex chuckled.

- G.

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