Thomas got back to Downton after his morning out with Richard just in time. Though, Richard insisted on walking to Downton with Thomas, walking him right through the back door and into the hallway to be precise, even though Thomas insisted it was a waste of his afternoon to walk a lot further than he needed too. Richard just smiled each time and said 'he didn't want to leave him alone', or argued 'what am I supposed to do on my own for several hours while you are working?' And since Richard was a favourite among his fellow colleagues, Thomas was not surprised at all when Richard was told to sit down while Daisy made him some tea to warm him up from their cold walk. And when Richard mentioned that they only had time for a very quick lunch before coming here, Charlotte was off to the kitchen to make a sandwich for him and Thomas.
Richard filled in an overly curious Charlotte about his and Thomas's morning off, though leaving a few certain events out that would be best kept between Thomas and himself. Though he saw no harm in telling her and those others who were listening in, about his and Thomas's snowball fight and running through the field of sheep. "Well Mr Barrow, I didn't know you had it in you," Mrs Hughes said. Mr Ellis had been very good at describing his and Thomas's time together but even then it was hard to imagine him running through a field throwing snowballs like a child.
Richard watched as Thomas looked uncharacteristically shy. He knew it was in Thomas's nature to be reserved but he wouldn't describe him as shy; there was a difference between the two. He smiled at Thomas hoping he hadn't overstepped with his storytelling. The look he received in reply confirmed he did not. "I'm not sure I knew that either Mrs Hughes," Thomas replied.
"So which one of you won then?" Charlotte asked.
"Not sure really," Richard said, thinking. "Mr Barrow however, got me good in the back of the leg and almost had me falling over in the snow and he never missed."
Thomas looked a bit smug. "I did tell you I was a good shot."
"Never doubted it," Richard said, sipping his tea whilst not breaking eye contact with Thomas. "It was the best time I have had in a long while at Christmas. It was an interesting morning." At the mention of 'interesting' Richard reckoned he and Thomas were thinking the same thing. Thinking about their conversation with Mr Tomlinson. He wanted to talk with Thomas further about it and he could tell Thomas wanted to say more on the subject. Neither of them had the chance on their way back that morning as there were too many people around by the time they reached the village. He hoped they could speak further on it although he had almost forgotten that Thomas was technically working at present.
"Sorry to interrupt Mr Barrow, but his Lordship is asking if you are back from your morning off yet," Stephen said.
"Right of course. Thank you Stephen," Thomas said getting up from the table. "I'll see you later on then?" he asked Richard.
"Yes although I don't have anything particular to do so I can wait for you to come down again. I was wondering if I can have a word with you," Richard said.
"I might be a while, but I'm sure I can fit you in sometime this afternoon," Thomas said, smiling over his shoulder.
"I would hope so," Richard said. There was something about Thomas's tone that excited him. Was this flirting? Just a few normal sentences of conversation. Richard was reminded of one of their very first conversations back during the royal visit when Thomas and him were discussing how it worked with the King having a first and second valet. He was then, even if he didn't realise it himself. He was still amazed at how easy it is between them. They didn't even need to speak in order to say what they both wanted the other to hear.
...
"Oh I was just about to come to find you," Thomas said as Richard walked into his office, shutting the door behind him. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes, it was more that I thought you wanted to talk about what Mr Tomlinson said to you," Richard said, leaning over the desk Thomas was sitting at to kiss him before sitting down opposite.
"It has been on my mind yes," Thomas said. "I just don't know what I feel. I'm happy he thinks that way of course but then I just feel angry that if he can be openly comfortable with us then why do most people find it so hard or try so hard to make our lives a misery?"
It was a rhetorical question but Richard answered anyway. "He is different for some reason and there are others like him. I know that and so do you. But few and far between in the grand scheme of things. But for the record Thomas, my life is not a misery. You made sure of that," Richard said tenderly.
Thomas softened. "Mine isn't so bad either I know and I know we are lucky but we shouldn't have to be lucky, if more people were like him then maybe I could wear this ring on my finger," Thomas said pointing to his chest where his ring was hidden by his shirt and tie. "I'm grateful for his kindness but it makes me frustrated too." Richard nodded and they were both silent for a moment. "What about you? What he said was just as much directed to you as it was to me."
"I know a good amount of people both here and in London who support us, some who are like us and some who are not, but it is rare for people to speak so passionately about their support for us. I know only a few who would do that, my parents for one," Richard said leaning back in his chair when old memories came to the front of his mind. "My mother knew long before I told her, reckon she knew before I really knew."
"You told your mother? She didn't just happen to find out?" Thomas said, his own experience was a lot different and a lot worse.
"Eventually yes. I think she had been worried about me for a while before I told her. I hadn't been myself I suppose. I must have been about thirteen, maybe older, maybe younger. I remember some boys in our neighbourhood saying some crude comment about me behind my back. They thought it was odd that I was just friends with a girl and not more you know. That's why I did ask Izzie out once, but as you know it never worked out that way, because of who I am and who she is. But nevertheless I was confused by it all. I was worried that something was wrong with me but I couldn't ask anyone why. My mother found me crying in my room one evening when she had called me for tea but I had failed to appear. I just blurted it out there and then. When I saw the look on her face, the worry, I became terrified that she and my father would kick me out of the house or worse. I just begged her not to make me go. She then did something I did not expect. She pulled me into a hug and told me that I was and always will be her boy and that she would love me always and that I was born this way. My father took a bit longer to understand, he was under the impression that Izzie and I were an item, but he told me out of the blue one day that he would promise to make an effort to understand. I reckon my mother had a talk with him. He couldn't argue with her and still can't really," Richard chuckled at that last part.
"Your mother is a good person, both your parents are. I didn't expect you to share all that," Thomas said, getting up and sitting on the corner of the desk so he could more easily reach Richard's hand.
"We all have our stories," Richard said simply. He looked down at his hand that was interlocked with Thomas's. He noted how Thomas was absentmindedly playing with his thumb. "So when do I get to take you to the ball then?" Richard said changing the subject, leaving the subject of the past alone.
"Maybe you don't. Maybe I will take you," Thomas said. "We will need to be here for eight I believe."
"Well I will need a few hours to get ready," Richard said. "I need to iron our shirts, polish our shoes, and pick out a suitable outfit for the occasion. I have a few but will need to decide. I also need to wash my hair and get it dry in time. I haven't had a chance since before Christmas and it still smells of grass from the field I fell over in!"
"I can do my own shirt and shoes," Thomas said.
"No, you are still busy here. Me, I have time to kill and I don't mind," Richard said. "All I ask is that you get yourself home in time to help me decide on what to wear."
"You're really looking forward to this aren't you?" Thomas asked. Richard had changed his tone completely. A few minutes ago he was caught up in painful memories and now he was almost bubbling with excitement.
"I like to have the excuse to dress up and look good. This situation provides me with that and a chance to do that whilst admiring you looking all fine too," Richard said wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.
Thomas laughed. "You are terrible," he said. "I promise I will be home in time and then we can arrive together. It will be a shame I can't dance with you but it will be a vast improvement on previous years."
"Well maybe we will be lucky once more and we will have our chance Mr Barrow," Richard said. "After all, we have managed it before at the wedding, we could do it again."
...
"Richard," Thomas called out as he shut the door behind them on his arrival home that same evening.
"I'm up here," Richard shouted from upstairs.
Thomas shook off his coat that had a few light speckles of rain on it. He was hoping that the rain would stop in time for them both to walk back up to Downton. He didn't want to arrive looking dishevelled. It was a reminder that tonight, they were only playing at not being working class as no one who attends a ball on a regular basis has to walk there first in the rain. He smiled as he noticed two pairs of perfectly shined and polished shoes on some newspaper on the stone floor of the kitchen. There are definitely some perks living with the King's former valet, Thomas thought. Upon entering their bedroom Thomas instantly saw that his partner had indeed been busy putting his old skills of valeting to good use. His clothes were ironed and laid out neatly on the bed. In fact it appeared that Richard had got together several different shirts as well as a tie and a bow tie that Thomas had not used for years. He even found a pair of cufflinks and polished those. In short, Richard Ellis had thought of everything. "Seems like you have sorted out every piece of clothing that I own," Thomas said, crossing the room to where Richard was taking great care fixing his hair in the mirror, to kiss him.
"Well I wanted to give you a choice," Richard said, giving Thomas a quick kiss back before returning to looking at himself in the mirror. "I never got a chance to ask you what you planned on wearing tonight so I picked out everything that I thought would be suitable." Thomas rolled his eyes at how Richard was preening himself like a peacock. Not that Thomas minded too much as every other servant's ball that he had been too involved in getting him ready for it alone and attending it alone. Besides, Richard had the right sort of style to look good dressed up.
"And does my personal valet have any recommendations?" Thomas asked cheekily.
"I do actually Mr Barrow," Richard said, putting down his comb and walking towards the bed. "And for the record, if I am your valet tonight then you are mine also."
"I will give you my advice when you ask for it," Thomas said. "So what do you think? Of course, if it turns out that you have lost your touch after leaving the service of the King and changing careers then I may choose to wisely ignore your advice!"
"Well thank you for your confidence in me dear," Richard said sarcastically though in good humour. He couldn't help but enjoy this situation and he found himself looking forward to when he could whisk Thomas away to London for a few days so that they could go out together to a few places he knows. "I was thinking this shirt and those trousers along with this jacket," he said, holding up a black pinstriped jacket that matched the trousers. "I am still not sure whether you should go for a tie or not, I think you should leave the bow tie out of it though, but try it all on and we will see about the tie?"
Thomas nodded in approval. "I don't even remember the occasion I got this one for. But I agree with you, thank you."
"No problem, though whatever you choose, you will look like perfection," Richard said. "But I think black suits that beautiful hair of yours."
"What about you then?" Thomas asked. "Do you still need my advice?"
"I think I do," Richard said, going to the already open wardrobe and taking out two hangers with two different suit jackets on. "I have narrowed it down to these two, that I am certain of, but I can't decide between the black or the blue?"
Thomas stepped closer and thought to himself for a moment. He looked at the clock and decided he had time to indulge himself a little with an idea that would help Richard decide. "Try them on for me, one after the other," he said. "I'll sit over here and decide which one brings out your handsome features the most," Thomas added, as he sat down in a chair in the corner of their bedroom and crossed his legs at the ankles. Richard failed to stifle a laugh at Thomas's suggestion. And you want to play games now? he thought. "You're not shy are you?" Thomas challenged. "It is hardly the first time you have dressed or undressed in front of me."
"Of course not! Very well, I'll play," Richard said. He was already dressed in his shirt and trousers so it was only the jacket and tie to decide on but it was fun all the same. Richard put the tie on with the black suit jacket first.
"Hmm, try it without the tie, you just look like a valet again wearing that," Thomas said.
"You never complained when I looked like a valet when we first met," Richard said.
Fair play, Thomas thought. "No, you need something with the shirt. Try the bow tie."
"You wouldn't mind assisting would you?" Richard asked, holding the tie he was wearing.
Thomas smirked, "No, come here." Thomas didn't get up from his chair so Richard knelt in front of him, matching the smirk on Thomas's face and holding his gaze as Thomas expertly undid the tie.
"Thank you," Richard said, getting up again to put the bow tie on instead.
"What about this?" Richard asked as he turned around 360 degrees.
Thomas still didn't look satisfied. "No, now you just look like a posh waiter. I think forget the black jacket altogether. Try the blue with the tie," Thomas suggested.
"Noted," Richard said, shrugging off the black jacket and replacing it with the royal blue one that had a thin black trim down the edge of the lapels.
"Better," Thomas said.
"But?" Richard prompted.
"But I don't like it with the tie, try the bow tie again," Thomas said. Richard turned away from Thomas to swap ties in the mirror.
"You really are fussy Mr Barrow," Richard teased, turning in a full circle once again to allow Thomas to get a good look at him. "Will this meet your impossibly high standards?"
Thomas looked at the man across the room from him. When did I get so lucky? He asked himself. "This will more than do Richard," Thomas said as he stood up and walked slowly towards him. "I will have to be careful not to let you out of my sight this evening!"
"I have one other addition to this outfit though," Richard said, reaching up to take a box off the top of the wardrobe. Inside was a smaller box and inside that, there was a pair of expensive looking cufflinks.
"Richard, how did you afford those?" Thomas asked. The cufflinks were silver and each had a symbol of a rose engraved into them.
"I didn't, they were a parting gift from his majesty when I left his service," Richard said.
"Wow, he actually liked you then?"
"I'd been in his service a long time. I'm not sure he knew much about me but we got along well enough," Richard said. "Do you think these are too much? I don't want people to think I am getting above myself."
"To hell with what people think Richard. Wear them, they match the blue perfectly."
...
The pair arrived early downstairs to meet the others who were attending that evening before going upstairs together. They had managed to dodge the rain, although the wind meant that Richard insisted on using the mirror in Thomas's office to make a few adjustments to his hair. Thomas had, in the end, decided on wearing a tie with his suit. Thomas decided that, together, they made quite a handsome pair, even though he says it himself. "Mr Ellis, you do brush up nicely!" Anna said.
"Thank you Mrs Bates," Richard said. "You look rather exquisite yourself if you don't mind me saying?" Thomas rolled his eyes at Richard's efforts to charm, which Richard missed but Anna did not.
"I don't mind at all," Anna said. "It's nice to get to look good occasionally."
"You and Mr Barrow will have to be careful not to be mistaken for members of the upper class!" Phyllis said. She reckoned Mr Ellis would have a good idea of what to wear for this day and she was not disappointed. He looked very dashing in blue and by the way that Thomas kept glancing over to him, confirmed that he thought so too.
"I wouldn't go that far, but thank you," Thomas said. He enjoyed all these compliments, especially when they were addressed to Richard as well.
"Good evening Mr barrow, Mr Ellis," Stephen said as he appeared with Charlotte after coming down from the attics.
"Good evening Stephen," they both said after each other.
"Here, let me," Charlotte said as Stephen fiddled with his tie.
"Oh um, thanks," Stephen said.
"Those are rather fine looking cufflinks Mr Ellis," Mr Carson said. Thomas thought he sounded suspicious as to why someone who worked in a shop would own something so fine. The old Thomas that he usually kept hidden away was threatening to surface and tell Carson to mind his own business but Richard handled any unspoken accusation smoothly, as usual.
"Thank you Mr Carson, they were a gift from the King when I left his service as a valet," Richard said. It was the perfect response, as Carson would never dream of contradicting or questioning the actions of the King.
...
The ball was as it has been every year. Lavish, glamourous and with the best music and refreshments. Thomas had enjoyed it most years, he was gifted with dancing and not cursed with two left feet as some others had been but this year everything seemed better, because it was. Because of him. Richard was effortless with his charm, conversation, looks and dancing. If Thomas wasn't madly in love with the man then he would be jealous and plotting Richard's downfall already. He spent as much time as he could at Richard's side, and when that was not possible, such as when they were dancing with many of the women from both upstairs and down, he would have his eye on him, and Richard would be equally as attentive in his gaze in return. Having done several rounds of the ballroom floor to many ballroom classics, he decided to excuse himself from dancing for a while and found a drink and sat to watch Richard dancing with Lady Hexham. "Has Moseley abandoned you?" Thomas asks Phyllis as he sits down at the one of the small tables around the edge of the room.
"Oh no, he's just gone to fetch me a drink although I think he has found himself caught up in conversation as he has been over there a while," Phyllis said as Thomas sat down.
"Well I hope he comes back and asks you to dance soon or I will be having stern words with him," Thomas said in jest. Phyllis saw him turn his gaze out to the couples dancing in front of them, over to Richard. The smile he had on his face seemed to fade into something else. She would best describe the look on his face as one of longing.
"Richard is doing very well," she said. "He looks very handsome in blue."
"He's a fine dancer," Thomas said, though he still hadn't turned his gaze away from Richard and his voice sounded sad. Temptation was hard to resist and if Thomas was a very foolish man then he would stop trying to resist. He would get up and get himself over there and ask Richard to dance, or kiss him right in the middle of this room. Maybe nothing bad will happen, but then if anything bad did happen then it wouldn't just be bad, it would be the worst thing possible and he couldn't risk that. They couldn't. He knew he should be grateful. Compared to a lot, he and Richard were extremely fortunate. Compared to many places he could be working, Downton Abbey gave them both a lot of freedom and allies. But it was never enough. He is so proud of Richard, and he wants to show everyone else that, but he can't and it is stifling.
"You two could slip away soon. Take the opportunity to go with him if it comes along," Phyllis said.
Thomas didn't have a chance to reply as the dance finished and Richard, who had been watching him whilst he was dancing, came straight over. "Foxtrot next Mr Barrow," Richard said, "I believe you owe Lady Mary a dance? I would in your place, but I have already danced with her twice and any more would begin to look suspicious!" Thomas loved how Richard was clearly enjoying himself.
"You'd better take my place here then," Thomas said to Richard as he stood up. When he stood up though, Richard didn't step back so they ended up accidentally close to each other. As Thomas began to move away, Richard put his hand on Thomas's arm and leaned close to his ear "Are you okay? We could get away later?"
"I'm fine, just missing your touch," Thomas whispered back, though he may as well have spoken louder as the music would have hidden his words anyway. Phyllis watched this exchange between the two of them but she didn't pick up on what they were saying. She did notice the hand on Thomas's arm though, and how as Thomas left to dance, Richard's hand slipped very briefly into Thomas's hand.
...
A while later and the ball was still going strong. Richard had danced with everyone he could dance with, save one. "Good evening Andy, Daisy," he said to the couple who were standing by the window with drinks. Andy had not looked the most comfortable all evening and had avoided dancing as much as possible.
"Good evening, Richard," Andy said. "You seem to be enjoying yourself."
"Aren't you?" Richard asked.
"Dancing isn't really his thing," Daisy answered for him. "Did they have servants balls at Buckingham Palace?"
"They did. I went to some of them, but this is far superior," Richard said, looking at Thomas dancing.
"I suppose you prefer the company?" Daisy said, looking at Thomas also.
Richard didn't answer that. "Andy may I dance with your wife?" he asked.
But before Andy had the chance to answer Daisy said, "Andy's wife can answer for herself!"
Andy shrugged and smiled. He loved Daisy's independence. "What she said Richard."
"My apologies. Daisy, may I have the honor?" he asked politely.
"You may," Daisy said.
...
"I think you may have an admirer," Henry Talbot said to his wife Mary.
"Oh? And who, other than you, would that be?" Lady Mary asked.
"Well, Mr Ellis was watching you dance with Barrow very closely, barely taking his eyes off you two. He also danced with you twice earlier."
Mary had noticed Mr Ellis paying her and Barrow more attention than was deemed appropriate but she knew the reason and she was surprised her husband did not. It was, after all, Downton's most open secret. Well one of them anyway. "I think you are concerned over nothing. I danced with Mr Ellis twice as he is very good. Maybe better than you. But you needn't worry dear, Mr Ellis was not looking at me," she said, giving Henry a meaningful look.
"Then who was he-?" Henry began to ask as he realised. "Oh, I see. It's true then."
"Of course, I'm surprised you've only just noticed," Mary said.
"Well it's not the sort of thing people are supposed to notice."
"I hope you are not too judgemental?" Mary asked.
"No course not. Happy to know I have no rival," Henry said.
"Of course you don't," Mary said.
...
The band would be playing a few more songs before the evening would begin to draw to a close. Thomas was glad in a way. He had enjoyed today, this evening, much more than any other servants ball's, but he was tired of socialising and was looking forward to going to sleep. He was over the other side of the ball room when he noticed Richard slip out of one of the doors with a glass of something in his hand. Thomas waited a few minutes so it wasn't so obvious whom he was following, not that anyone was paying him too much attention, but then he put down his empty glass on a tray and left the hall as well.
He wasn't sure where Richard had disappeared too at first. Maybe outside? Or downstairs again? But then he noticed the door to a small room, that the family didn't use much, was open. There were so many rooms in the house that they hardly used and Thomas never understood why they even needed them at all if they never set foot in them. He decided to follow his instincts and slipped in through the open door. The room was only cast with the dim glow of a couple of small lamps on the wall, there were red curtains at the window that cast the room in a reddish glow. Richard standing in the middle of the small room, his bow tie was undone just hanging loose around his neck and he had undone his top button. He held his glass in his hand still and it was still half full. "You found me then Thomas, darling," Richard said, putting down the glass on a table as Thomas pushed the door closed, though not shut, and came to join him in the middle of the room. Richard kissed him tenderly, and then again with one hand on Thomas's cheek the other on the small of his back.
"You had enough of all that earlier then?" Thomas asked, referring to the ball.
"You were wonderful to watch and admire tonight but I wanted you here," Richard said kissing him again, "Thomas, darling." He said kissing Thomas between each word.
"Never thought we'd be doing this here," Thomas said, kissing Richard on the cheek and then the mouth, trying to will his heart to slow so he could hear everything Richard was saying to him.
"We never know what might happen," Richard said.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Thomas said hesitantly, looking at the door.
"They are all still dancing," Richard said. He slid himself out of their embrace and held out his hand. "May I?" Thomas's eyes widened at Richard's suggestion as did his smile. He looked at the door again but remembered Phyllis's words to him a few hours earlier 'Take the opportunity...' The music was still playing. With the thin walls not built to be soundproof, and the open door, they could hear the band playing clearly enough. Thomas took Richard's hand. "Waltz?" Richard asked.
"Yes," Thomas said as they began to dance together, a bit clumsily at first as neither knew who was supposed to be leading, but eventually they fell into the right rhythm. This is what he had been waiting for. He had danced with a lot of people tonight and he had enjoyed that, Richard had done the same but in the end, they wanted this. They wanted to be open, but that was impossible so perfection had to come in the form of the next best thing.
After the music ended and their dance stopped, they didn't let go. They ended up pressed up against each other, so that Richard was not sure if it was his own breathing and heartbeat he could feel or his partner's. Thomas had placed his head on his shoulder and he did likewise with Thomas. He had kept the slightly open door in sight but allowed himself to shut his eyes to that now. "I want to stay like this forever," he whispered as they swayed ever so slightly to an inaudible music.
Thomas kissed his neck in response. "My love," he said.
Richard opened his eyes again. "You know, next year will be our five year anniversary. We should go away somewhere. I know it's not easy but if an opportunity comes up would you like to go somewhere? To come away with me?"
"I would," Thomas said, closing his eyes again. Take every opportunity...
Note: This was the last chapter and I hope you enjoyed it and the whole story. Thank you everyone who has read, followed, favorited and reviewed this story. They are really appreciated! Next week I will start on a story surrounding Valentines day which will be either a one shot or two chapters depending on how carried away I get! After that there will be another long multi-chapter story so please follow me if you are interested.