thirty-five.
[when the moon was red]
The next few moments were painted red—red like the blood that was seeping into his clothes. Red like the anger he felt for the cruelty of this world, because even as he cursed at the gods for all that they had caused, he could not deny that he had no part in it at all.
Time seemed to creep into a slow dance, and Itachi wondered for the umpteenth time where he had gone wrong.
Amidst all his musings, there was a loud explosion, and the ground beneath his feet trembled with its force. He held Hinata tighter, pulling her closer to shield her even though he was not sure that was enough. Yet they continued down the spiraling staircase of one of the outer towers. He did not let the rumbling deter him from bringing her to safety—however ironic that might be. He convinced himself that he could do at least that much after all the pain he had brought her.
Another explosion blasted through the fortress and they both crashed against the wall. Itachi gritted his teeth as he swung his body sideways to ensure that Hinata received as little impact as possible. The collision sent a jolt of electric pain through his shoulder that traveled throughout his body, but he paid it no mind.
"A-Are you okay, sho—sa?"
Itachi drew in a shaky breath.
He didn't want to look at her. Most of it was due to the self-hatred and regret that whispered nonsensical things in his mind, some to the fear that he might break down if he did.
"Yes," he spoke, then, because he knew she would think she had done something wrong if he had said nothing.
A small smile stretched her lips.
"Does it…" he trailed off, the dread in his heart heavy like lead, "Does it still hurt, Hinata?"
She blinked ever so slowly. Once. Twice. The longer she spent silent added to the fear in his heart, but he waited.
At last, her eyes shone with a practiced mask of calm. "A little," she admitted.
How much was a little to a girl like her, he wondered. Even he could say that gunshots were excruciating, and he often used the fear of pain to fuel his drive to do his best. He wondered if he was a coward for doing so, when Hinata never seemed to care about pain at all.
Memories of one night from many months ago resurfaced, as she spun beneath the moonlight, blood following her like a deadly dance.
He resisted the urge to close his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her.
Confusion was evident on her face and Itachi didn't understand why she was like this. Who had made her this way? Because he knew that as much as he wanted to put all the blame onto himself, there was someone before him that had trained her to be this deadly weapon. Someone who had cut out all of her emotions and replaced it with indifference.
When they had first met, she was as feral as a wild animal. He remembered how she looked, with her hair wild and tangled, pale eyes glaring at him as if she wanted to eat him whole.
Yes—there was a person behind all of Hinata's suffering.
And he would make that person pay.
"Shosa…?"
Itachi refocused his eyes and found her dozing off.
Panic coursed through his veins as he pushed himself off the wall. "Hinata?" he asked, gently nudging her.
She mumbled something incoherent and his blood turned cold.
"Hinata," he repeated, frenzied, as he shook her once more.
Her head lulled to the side as her eyelids fluttered open and close.
He swallowed hard. His heart was pounding against his chest and the sound itself was enough to send him reeling, the blood pumping in his ears causing his vision to swirl as the world turned red yet again.
"Hinata."
She mumbled once more.
Itachi blinked frantically, looking around as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. The adrenaline in his blood made him move again. The wind whipped past him as he ran down the staircase, ignoring the continuous explosions that wrecked the fortress, ignoring the voices in his head that grew louder with each passing second.
He stumbled onto the foot of the stairs and stared menacingly at the long tunnel ahead of him. At the end would be nowhere better, but he hoped it would be enough.
He needed it to be enough.
And so, he ran. Faster than his legs would allow him to. Faster than he had ever ran before. The fear in his heart was heavy that he could feel it weighing him down, yet the girl in his arms felt as light as a feather.
He ran because he hoped he would make it. Hoped that the ruckus would keep Hinata awake long enough to reach the end of the tunnel.
The end had never seemed so far away, even as he saw it within reach.
He clutched Hinata closer to him. The blood was making it hard for him to hold her, the smell so tangy he sometimes wanted to cover his nose. But he knew he deserved it, so he endured.
Yet as he stood in front of the exit, he faltered. Was this right? He felt as if he was only causing her more pain with the things he wanted and he knew that he was being selfish. Uchiha Itachi had always gotten what he wanted, and not because of his birthright but simply because he often worked hard for it.
Now—now he wondered if this was one of those things.
He knew, however, that he was fooling himself.
He did not deserve Hinata.
The fortress shook with an even louder explosion and debris began to fall from the ceiling. He stiffened and looked at her pale face. She was unconscious and heavily bleeding, but she was still alive. He was going to make sure she would make it out alive.
Itachi hugged Hinata to his chest and laid a kiss onto her hair.
"I'm sorry," he whispered once again. He knew he did not deserve to love her, but he did. He saw himself in her eyes. They were the same, after all—children born to be weapons for a country that saw peace in red light. He loved her because he had wanted her to turn out differently, and he had tried his best to do so.
Now he knew that the world worked differently. They had crossed paths to teach him that people of the same breed could not cure each other. At least, not now. Not when they were at war. Not when he had not even released himself from his own shackles.
She was still young. Unlike him, she still had a chance.
He needed to give her at least that.
a/n: ah, it's been so long since I updated. I'm terribly sorry. To explain why would be making excuses though I have to admit that growing up is hard. I used to think that writing was so easy, that I would never have days where I could not write, yet those days seem to love my company and I have been lost because of that. Nevertheless, I am trying, so I hope this chapter was enough to satisfy my absence :)
Please do join my discord server! You can talk about stories I have written there with me or with other people, though atm it seems to be dead huhuh.
invite code: rmm3Tqv