A/N: Very minor references to abortion in this chapter.
June 21, 2017
- Honey -
Convincing Negan that she needed to see a doctor back at the Kingdom was easier than she expected. The second she mentioned it was gynecology related, the man decided there was no real need for him to accompany her this week, like he had all the times before. Instead, he tells her to take an extra lieutenant, and Gavin and Laura are both happy enough to go. Simon finds fetching food and supplies boring, and Regina tends to stay as far away from Honey as possible.
What she doesn't expect, when she arrives, is the grim expressions on both her brother and Ezekiel's faces the second she asks if Harlan's available after greeting them. She's getting closer to assurance that while Gavin and Laura might not move against Negan openly, they won't oppose her planned coup. Taking a risk, she is more open than she might be normally, even as Eugene moves to fiddle with some requested technical bits he's requested. He'll get his messages passed covertly enough.
"Something's wrong," she says once Jazz finally releases her.
Jazz sighs, looking at the two lieutenants. When she nods reassuringly, he squares his wide shoulders, cluing in her in that her brother is pissed off. All her senses go on alert, because Jazz has the longest fuse of anyone she's ever met. "Harlan has been indiscrete, as well as vocally opposing the new alliance. Dianne felt he needed some time apart from public life."
Honey controls her surprise with an effort of will. Of those who might oppose what she was doing, she hadn't pegged one of her mother's long time friends to be one who caused Dianne to take security precautions. "I trust that Dianne knows where to draw that line."
Ezekiel looks strained as he nods. "Perhaps one of the nurses can assist with whatever you need? Or your brother?"
Gavin frowns. He'd been standing there when she managed to run Negan off with discussion of lady problems. "Your brother? I thought he is a veterinarian?"
"I trained with our physician as well. Humans are just one more mammal to memorize," Jazz says, shrugging. It's not the first time it's puzzled someone that he's equally qualified to handle people, just like Hershel and Beth. Some of the other veterinarians aren't as cross trained, but it's a personal preference.
Thinking it over, Honey decides in some ways, she actually prefers Jazz to Harlan anyway. Turning to Gavin and Laura, she makes them an offer. "You can both stay and supervise the supply transfer, or one of you can go with me, if you want a deeper look at what we built here."
It's the first time Laura's been to the Kingdom. In prior trips, Negan had only brought Gavin, seeming content with just his backing. The woman looks at the walls, then the wagons of food and supplies being shifted onto the trucks, before some unspoken agreement passes between her and Gavin. They're both curious, but for whatever reason, it's Laura who is going to assuage that curiosity.
"I'd like to have that tour, especially of any sort of medical facilities. We haven't had anything medical to speak of for close to a year now, other than what hodgepodge medical knowledge Gavin and I cobble together."
"Do you know how to ride?" Honey asks, looking at the riding horses that Ezekiel, Jazz, Jerry, and a handful of guards rode. She's seeing faces here that aren't Kingdom, and it makes her uneasy. Kal just gives her a bland smile, shifting a little in a uniform he's not used to.
Laura shakes her head. "No. Are all of the horses here giant sized ones?"
Considering the draft crossbreeds that dominate the breeding they've done, Honey understands the woman's trepidation. She grew up around Percheron crosses, and they're still huge even to her perceptions. "We breed for strength and endurance, not speed," she tells Laura. "You can ride with me."
Ezekiel indicates he'll stay, actually beginning a conversation with Gavin about the struts reinforcing the wall from within while the Savior soldiers under their command help load trucks. They know they'll be fed before they leave, so going to retrieve supplies is a popular duty among the men and women assigned to Gavin and Honey. Content that Ezekiel will continue to help her lay groundwork, Honey takes the reins of Ezekiel's favorite mare when Jerry brings her up.
"Eugene? Are you staying, or would you like to ride along?" Honey calls out. She's made it this far by staunchly refusing to think about the consequences of what that pregnancy test means for either of them. Negan had been in an odd mood last night, leaving abruptly after eating supper with her, so she had spent the night curled into Eugene's arms.
To her infinite relief, Eugene trots over, taking the reins of a horse. It reminds her of how he was once intimidated by the big animals, but now, they're just one of the cogs of daily life. Jazz is astride his own horse, waiting patiently as Honey swings into the saddle and offers Laura a hand up. "We'll be back within the hour," Honey tells Gavin before urging the horse toward the parts of the Kingdom not easily seen from the gate.
The design is purposeful, as with most defense at any of the communities. The military minded members other than her father might not be builders or engineers, but they've been able to help Honey think along those lines in a way she never would have in the old world. Honey knows what Laura's seeing, especially when they pass through another set of gates - and pass within the secondary walls.
"Jesus," the woman mutters into Honey's ear. "It's like one of those old shows about castles, isn't it?"
"More or less. Just without a castle at the end." Although honestly, if she could figure out how to build something that unassailable at any of the communities, Honey would. Walkers and unwanted wildlife are easy to keep out with just the double ring of walls everyone that isn't on an island has. But bandits? Those are infinitely more troublesome.
"This is what you're planning for the Sanctuary, isn't it?" The blonde is wide eyed, taking in the clean, healthy residents going about their day as they reach the settled areas. The area between the inner and outer walls is all cropland, with occasional pasturage. Here? The remains of the old boarding school are still visible, but beyond the old world construction are the cabins, cottages, and livestock structures built since the Outbreak.
Children ride bicycles by, careful to avoid spooking the horses. A few call out greetings to the riders, and Honey greets them warmly. It keeps her mind off where she's headed, and the additional worry of just what the hell has happened to have Harlan residing in the tiny jail that was built to handle the occasional misconduct that merited more than hard labor. The man's practically Ezekiel's brother, much like Jerry.
They reach the building that houses the school's small infirmary, which has been upgraded to a mini-hospital instead of a school clinic. Honey helps Laura to dismount, following suit. "If you would like a broader tour, I can ask someone," she offers. Laura really doesn't need to be here for the ultrasound, even though Honey's figuring today's trip can't stay secret for long, no matter what she decides.
She watches Laura look around, but when the woman's gaze returns to Honey, there's the barest flicker of a look towards Honey's midsection. Somehow, the lieutenant knows, although commentary about the gynecologist probably gave it all away to another woman. "I wouldn't mind a tour, actually," she says at last. "Maybe your brother's husband could show me around."
Honey doesn't breathe a sigh of relief, even though she wants to, because Laura is giving her leeway to decide without Laura officially knowing what happens here today. A tour of the community is well within normal behavior for how Laura and Gavin both worked with the communities they were in charge of back in New York. Neither approved of Simon's reign of terror over his own assignments.
When Jazz radios for Jesus, the other man appears so quickly that Honey is fairly sure he was lurking nearby. Laura finds his boyish charm amusing, at least, and allows herself to be led away. Jesus's ability to seemingly tell all without telling anything will be put to the test.
"Hannah?" Jazz's voice draws her attention back from watching the pair go, and the weight settles on her chest again. "Why did you need to see Harlan?"
He knows, Honey thinks, just like Laura does, but he looks worried and afraid. She loathes that expression on her brother's face. Eugene's warm hands on her shoulders help her finally voice the words. "I need to confirm a pregnancy by ultrasound."
"Okay." Jazz moves as soon as he voices the word, going to the machine in question and switching it on. "You know the procedure," he says huskily.
Yes, she does, but the last time she was in the same room with Jazz and that piece of equipment, they were happy, not terrified. But she has to know, so she sheds her belt and its holstered equipment and hoists herself onto the exam table to adjust her waistband. Eugene takes her hand as easily as he always has, and it's him she focuses on.
Not the cool gel. Not the wand against her skin. Not her brother's intake of breath that is all the answer she needs.
Eugene is the one to eventually look. He tilts his head, studying the screen. "Not ectopic, thank God." His relieved expression eases to a smile as he looks back at her.
"What do you want to do?" Jazz asks softly, and when she finally looks away from Eugene at her brother, he's let go of whatever had him so angry. All she sees is her Jasper, all solemn crystal clear blue eyes that always seem to read her mind. "What do you want me to do?"
If she asks him, there will be no need to consider the pregnancy at all. He'll fix this for her, because he's her brother and that's what he'll always do for her. Swallowing hard, she closes her eyes. "How far along am I?"
"Five weeks, plus or minus five days."
Honey does the math. It's not a definitive answer on paternity, not by a long shot. She was taken six days before she actually slept with Negan. Having a physician sister, midwife mother, and veterinarian brother means she's aware of conception variables more than the average non-medical person. All the ultrasound confirms is that she conceived before Eugene joined the Saviors with her.
"I don't know." It should be an easy answer, ending the pregnancy, because Eugene doesn't want biological children, and the other option here is a man who lost his humanity years ago, if he ever had it at all. While she doesn't see Eugene's autism as the problem he still does, she understands. He had thirty years of being discarded and undervalued because he was different. Even nearly seven years with her family - with Jazz as his family - hasn't undone all that damage.
Eugene squeezes her hand, and when she looks at him, he just smiles sadly. "I would never ask you to…" He clears his throat, letting her register the significance. Asking her not to purposely conceive is different than an accident. "I can see the heartbeat," he says softly, the same sense of awe in his voice that he had when she was carrying MJ.
She cries then, because paternity doesn't matter anymore, not really, but she isn't ready for what keeping this baby will bring to them both.
- Eugene -
Eugene realizes the second Honey starts crying that he shouldn't have mentioned the little flutter on the screen. She hasn't looked at the screen at all, and he knows the psychology of that. Even after years of effort, his filter still slips, and this was definitely a bad time for it.
Exchanging a worried look with Jazz, he eases onto the bed, glad it's not an exam table. Jazz wipes the gel away, laying the wand aside for now. Once he can tuck Honey onto his chest, it doesn't surprise him that Jazz leaves them alone. Running his hand along her back, he waits for her to finally raise her head from his chest. She sits up and wraps her arms around her bent knees, and he sits up, moving so that he's facing her. Blue eyes glitter with tears, but she blinks them away, searching his expression for any type of discomfort. "Negan is a monster, Eugene. What kind of legacy is that for a child?"
He cups her face in his hands. "Will Dixon was a monster, too. Your father isn't. Daryl isn't. There is no scenario in the world where I can imagine a child raised by you, by us, with your family all around, would ever be anything like Negan."
"Nurture versus nature," she mumbles.
"And your father and uncle aren't the only examples. Sophia. Ron and Sam. Hershel." He takes a deep breath, because years of distance doesn't make the knowledge easier. "Me."
Taking a deep breath, she turns her head and kisses his palm. "I love you."
"I love you, too. If you want the baby, we'll figure the rest out." For him, it's as easy as that. He promised her years ago that any child of hers was a child of his. Paternity be damned in this case until she feels like talking.
It doesn't take long. Honey's always had a particular gift for sorting through even strong emotions quickly, something she gets from her father.
"Eugene? I can't."
It's such a subdued statement that he barely recognizes her voice. "Which can't, sweetheart?" Because that's the important part. What she decides, he's at her side, like he promised years ago when she saw something in him that no woman ever did before.
"What if it's ours?" she asks softly. "Ours."
One thing Eugene's never been accused of is being stupid. He knows Honey respects his wish not to have biological children. But what he still sees on his worst days as the affliction he was raised to think his autism is, she's never seen it as such. It's an impossible thing for her to believe, because to consider it that way would change how she sees her brother. But he's always known accidents can happen, no matter what birth control is used, and that's something he can live with.
"It's ours either way, Hannah Catherine. If you keep the baby, it's ours." With any other man, he wouldn't see an issue with co-parenting any child Honey has. A failure of birth control has always been a possibility, one he had no problem accepting. But this failure? Negan is not an acceptable option for being anyone's father.
- Honey -
When Honey pictured having a child of her own, she'd always thought the child would look much like MJ. Paul is her best friend. There's never been a question in her mind that she'd ask him one day.
It had been foolish to assume the damn IUD would last. None of them were ever tested for this sort of shelf life, and the hormonal ones were the most risky in that. Any other scenario and there wouldn't have been a question of continuing the pregnancy. Here in the sunlit infirmary of the Kingdom, she looks at the complete sincerity on Eugene's face and absorbs his words.
"Ours."
A single word that she repeats, and he smiles that brilliant smile of his that intrigued her long before she ever thought he would return her interest. It sustains her through Jazz returning, finishing the ultrasound he began.
"IUD's nowhere to be found," he says, skimming the screen. "Should show up here," he points to the screen, "or even shifted a bit lower, but it would show. I'll confirm with an x-ray. It could have dislodged at any point since your last exam four months ago."
"At least it means it's not going to cause any problems," she tells Jazz. "That's what was so urgent."
Her brother's hands shake a little when he faces her. "This is getting too dangerous, Hannah. It wasn't safe before, but now? We have no idea how a man like that will react."
Taking his hands, Honey gives him her most reassuring smile. "No, we don't, but I'm getting close enough to tip it now. It's not like I intend to let him stick around long enough to know."
"I wish you had more backup." Jazz glances to Eugene, expression apologetic. "Not that I doubt your abilities. You just can't be everywhere."
Honey understands, and Eugene just nods. Eugene's precise role at the Sanctuary keeps him from playing bodyguard, but neither of them want anyone else at risk. "I won't endanger anyone else. That's non-negotiable, baby brother."
Eugene has a shield of sorts, because his sort of usefulness is nearly impossible to replace these days. Honey's rank and Negan's ongoing fascination protects her. But anyone who is just there as a fighter, a soldier? Negan wouldn't hesitate a moment to use them against her if he thought she needed to be taught a lesson.
Her own issues handled, she remembers all the oddities surrounding Harlan Carson and seeing too many Hilltoppers here in the Kingdom for her comfort. "What's going on with Harlan? The version you can tell without outsiders around, please."
Being hauled into her brother's arms for a bear hug is not unexpected. But he presses a kiss to her forehead before smiling sadly as he releases her. "Some people don't know the true meaning of loyalty or gratitude, Hannah." Hesitating, he seems to be mulling over how much to say. "Mama's got it well in hand. Leave it to us for now. Concentrate on saving people and stay safe doing it."
"Do my job and let you do yours?"
It makes Jazz smile, at least. Honey wants to know all the details, but the careful omissions her brother is making has the feel of orders from higher up the chain than Jazz. It has the feel of Scout or Carol's involvement, so she decides to trust in what he's told her. She has her job and he has his.
The sooner hers is done, the safer everyone she loves is.
A/N: Since I know there will probably be some requests of "don't make the baby Negan's", alas, it's a key part of the whole arc of the story that the baby is Negan's child. In irony, my strongly voiced objections to Rick stealing Judith from Shane are well known to anyone reading my stories - yet here goes an exception to that rule in allowing characters to take that route regarding paternity.
Eugene's statement about nurture vs nature is something I feel strongly about in children overcoming legacies of parents not fit to be parents (even if just genetic contributors).