A/N
This chapter from the view of Hiccup or his son is changing the time of events until they find each other.
Hiccup was now utterly desperate to find his lost offspring. The territory of the fighting expanded and therefore he was even more worried about the child.
He asked where he could if anyone saw him, did everything he could to find his son.
Unfortunately, he could not find the child. He was getting desperate. What if something happened to his son and it's all his fault?
The desperate father began to feel burned and despair again.
The world was already quite dark from his point of view, and the idea that he should lose one of his children discouraged him.
Once he fell and cried crouched in the snow during searching Jensen. It took him at least a little recovery, it hit him again.
He regretted the way he had treated him before and wanted to fix it.
But where should he look for his son when the whole Barbaric Archipelago is terribly large and he can easily be on the opposite side of the territory? This added worry to him.
It was like looking like for a needle in a haystack. Burning hay for everything.
This was different from when their son was forcibly taken away. Here he knew that his son was alive and that he was wandering in the midst of this war hell.
During his journey to find his son, he came across a few other traumatized dragons who, as tame, had to fight for people from both sides.
One of those animals was injured and was dying. The animal was whining. He was obviously suffering and seemed to be trying to get somewhere after experiencing the horrors of war thanks to the humans.
Hiccup stopped at the moment. The animal suffered, and here this forced him to ask a moral question: Should he end the animal's suffering or let it continue to suffer and let it die a slow and painful death?
The animal whimpered again and looked at him.
Those sounds pierced his ears. It was worse than when a man died. When the dying dragon whined like this, it sounded like the cries of many suffering people, and as if that weren't enough, the sound echoed around.
He had never killed a dragon in his life, for which he had the blood of perhaps several thousand people after being forced to do the terrible work to protect his family and after he became one of the Drago's cruelest chiefs.
He never killed a dragon in his life, but people did. Should he kill the animal?
The animal whimpered again, and he returned to reality. The sight of the wounded dragon made him feel very uncomfortable.
The dragon stared as if looking somewhere. Apparently he intended to fly away from people somewhere, but that didn't happen.
The animal whimpered again, and he already had enough of that sound.
He pulled out a knife and slit the dying animal's throat. He sighed again.
He hid the knife and decided to go roughly according to where the animal was trying to get. Maybe the deceased dragon helped him find his lost offspring.
The more he wandered in this hell, the more he noticed that the dragons that had experienced the fighting were fleeing from the people. All in the same direction. But where?
He also noticed that older dragons, as if trying to persuade young dragons in both armies not to fight for humans. That he doesn't know what awaits them there. But of course the young individuals did not listen and so excited to help their riders fight, they went to a fight after which they ended up like the young people from both sides who fought here.
Hiccup in fact, he didn't even know if the oppressors or the insurgents were winning. But that was his last concern. He wanted to find his son and disappear with him from this horrible land.
If he could go back eight years and change something, he wouldn't even try to be a hero anymore.
He would just run away with his wife. He would rather lead a "new life" and have his family then than experience the horrors. Better to be haunted by conscience for leaving his people than to be constantly crushed by guilt.
He can't go home. And yet he doesn't want to. And he doesn't mind.
He could not saddle the animals because they showed fear or aggression towards humans. So all that was left was watching from the ground. But that didn't stop him from going the way the animals were flying. That even dragons would have their own lazareth?
Maybe during this part of the journey, in an effort to find a dragon to tame and to help him find his son. But that didn't sound likely.
After some time, about two or three days after the animals followed like this, he came up with something that at first glance resembled a cave and there were rocks.
It took him a moment to realize that he was in this place as a twenty-two-year-old and half-dead man he found Toothless and the dragons who belonged to the gang. Now he suspected that the runaway dragons had reason to hide from the war in this icy and rocky wasteland that didn't interest anyone.
It meant that he had missed something here eight years ago. And now it was time to uncover it.
The building that was built here at the time in the last war eight years ago was destroyed. The current fighting apparently did its thing here, and it seemed that the army would rather withdraw from here. And Thor knows why.
It was strange to see here after those eight years. Memories jumped here on their own, and it looked worse than it did eight years ago.
He didn't wait for anything and followed the animals.
He was a little scared you wouldn't notice him. It was possible that the animals would calmly kill him then, but it was also possible that they would be so frightened that they would huddle in a ball and look at him and scream in fright, perhaps even growl faintly.
But as soon as he managed to get inside, the heat that was here seemed like hot to him and almost threw him back into that winter.
And it wasn't just that.
The local air was the same as before both wars. Cool and clean. No smoke-polluted air smelling of where what. Whether of wood, metal or dead bodies.
But then the nature inside took his breath away.
It immediately reminded him of home ... in the summer. In the months before that damn war.
He had to stop and rub his eyes a few times to make sure he just didn't imagined the nature so.
He was immediately captivated by the local fauna. There were also larger mammals that roamed the forests before the captured individuals began to be bred for furs in designated areas until most of they home nature was destroyed by the war or the industry.
So not only dragons probably lived here, but also other animals that used to roam the forests, and due to the war and industry, it had to start moving to safe locations if people did not catch them.
At that moment, he began to wonder why the place nearby had ended up abandoned by people when they had built one of the death camps there eight years ago.
But then he began to put two and two together: As he well knew, the dictatorship lied about history and covered up all its failures.
It was possible that after Toothless took the opportunity to be out of the cage again during the current war and probably escaped, he returned here because he knew this place was safe. Which would explain why dragons fly here because there's alpha. Probably after many years there was again a fight between humans and dragons, and the dragons won it, and the domesticated dragons returned to nature. Of course, people did not learn about the violent loss of territory, and so it took the form of conspiracy theories among ordinary people.
It was also possible that the dragons in a way, by the short war between the two species, freed the people trapped here who were waiting to die here.
He didn't expect anything and continued.
He noticed the animal nests, and at first glance it was empty, even though the sun was shining.
Then he heard the first growl. But he did not pull out the weapon. He just planted his senses.
He was scared. He wasn't sure if he still could handle those animals, but he's changed since then. He was no longer the cheerful melancholic young man with an optimistic mind. Now he was a man beaten by the loss of his family, the war, trauma, the dictatorship, and the fact that life is a dog.
He reckoned that the animals would probably kill him out of fear, but he was no longer afraid of death.
Plus, what if his son is dead? Losing a family is still worse than death and living with the knowledge that you have failed as a parent.
He clenched his left fist.
He tried to overcome his fear, and the serious expression on his face proved it.
The closer he went, the more the animals noticed him.
While herbivorous mammals chose to hide from humans, dragons growled. A whole horde of nested animals looked at him like an intruder.
He bit his lip as he walked. The animals growled on one side but apparently did not want to attack him on the other.
He stopped and shouted in a deep voice: "Toothless!"
The thirty-year-old man's voice echoed through the rocky formation, frightening several smaller animals and echoing again.
There was silence and tension for a few seconds. Hiccup was angry and it was visible on him.
How Toothless can just escape from everything while he spends the last 8 years of his life like this? Isn't it cowardly, when they are suppossed to be like brothers? One would not leave the other in silence.
Among the dragons here, his roar caused something like a crack. But he ignored the animals, though she growled and some flew from place to place.
But then he fixed his gaze further forward in the middle of the noise. He saw something.
It looked like a young scarred night fury who looked at him with a similar gaze.
Hiccup smirked with a sharp view looking at the individual.
There was the familiar roar of the night fury. The individual decided to fly to him, and the other dragons suddenly fell silent.
Hiccup's green eyes were full of anger, so his face.
He felt betrayed. Betrayed by someone he who he considered as a brother. His family is dead, he hopes that his young son that the boy is still alive, but he is not sure. He goes through complete hell and the one he considers as a brother just runs away.
It was Toothless. As he expected.
Instead of being aggressive, however, he sat down not far from him and looked at him.
"I need to talk to you bud and immediately."
Toothless didn't look very excited, he probably knew what awaited him from the rider.
Hiccup took a deep breath. To the Toothless' surprise but he didn't yell and not at all for what he thought it would be.
"I need to find my son and I was hoping for your help. It's a civil war I don't know much about. He ran away from me and I'm afraid something will happen to him. I want him to forgive me and I promise to be the best dad in the world when he's alive and safe.." Hiccup said and he wiped a tear. He had a lot to do to not to start crying while talking about this.
"Will you help me bud?" Hiccup asked Toothles still wiping tears from his eyes "He's my son and I can't let him die there. He is small. He is only eight years old, he does not know how cruel and dangerous the world is.."
Toothless growled and since he couldn't talk, he lead his rider to the river and used again the art of drawing with stick to the mud as a form of communication.
But then he began to draw pictures expressing anti-war attitudes.
"Why the hell are you trying to tell me this? Understand that my son is in danger and I could find him with you in time."
But then Toothless began to express through the pictures that the other dragons had the same attitude and that he is the alpha.
"What led you to such attitudes? Do you have any idea what happened to my family?"
But then it was final after Toothless began to express his story in pictures and why he no longer wants to interfere in human wars and why he wants dragons to be at peace.
Hiccup literally exploded with anger.
"I've been through complete hell, my family and my wife are all dead, my son is in danger, the last 8 years have been nothing but hell and you don't even want to help me save my own child even though I considered you a brother because it's against yours peaceful attitudes!?"
Stick felt out of the Toothless' mouth. But Hiccup continued.
"So, brother, now tell me where you were while they made me a complete monster by violence and deprived me of everything I ever cared about?! Come on, draw it nice!"
Hiccup still continued shouting at Toothless in anger.. so the feeling of being betrayed was valid at the end.. by someone who was a brother for him.
"The fact that you went through what they did to me doesn't excuse you for leaving me in it after your escape! You're hiding something, I guess, you have a female of your kind and little dragons, but you don't want to show them, because that would prove that your family is alive while my family is dead, right!?"
Toothless growled at Hiccup after he said this. Yes, Hiccup was right..
"I was hoping that you would help me find my lost son, but not only would you prefer your peaceful rule that coughs up all people, including me, and you will betray me to everything ... I'm done with you!" Hiccup said.
The dragon was already angry and snarled him to the ground with growling.
The dragon stood by his attitudes, even though he was guilty of betraying his friend.
Hiccup froze. He didn't knew what to do now and he didn't want to kill Toothless at all.
The dragon backed away at the roar and turned to signal him to leave.
Hiccup was still angry and it could be seen on his face. He would probably be even more angry if he knew his son was here, but Toothless refused to help him as well nor take care of the child.
2 tears ran down his face from his both eyes. He felt the weight of being betrayed by someone whom he considered a part of his life as a brother and still refused to help him find his child lost in the war, making excuses for new anti-war attitudes and leadership responsibilities and also due to them.
"You don't have to throw me out of here .. you don't want to help me find my son and you betrayed me .. we're not brothers, not anymore." He said and turned as he wanted to leave.
But it all didn't hurt Toothless. Now he has more important things to worry about protecting the flock and anti-war attitudes than dealing with someone he hasn't been with for 8 years. And for one person, he won't endanger the whole flock, especially when the damn war is in progress. What's more, when he ran away, there was such a fuss that if he tried to find him, he would end up worse off than before. This was a real war and a dictatorship, here one had to decide whether to save a friend or die.
Yes, he could have saved him, but he didn't it. A friend was the last and least concern. So the long-standing relationship was broken not only by different views of the war, but also by this.
Toothless himself was looking at Hiccup differently than a few years ago. Why deal with one man when he dies anyway? Friendship is no longer worthwhile, it is just another reason for anti-war attitudes and for one person he will not endanger the whole flock and young.
Toothless just reacted the way he should in such a situation.
If he were a human as he was, and if they were soldiers in the trenches of the First World War, then with the only helmet left to them he would take it away first. Friendship in such situations no longer matters. It's just a matter of survival. It is better to let a long-known friend die than to be the one who catches it and not try to save him at all if he ends up wounded on the battlefield.
Here the situation can be roughly compared to this.
The only difference was that there was a tyranny and an imprisoned friend who was in a very tragic situation in the meantime, he didn't even try to find him after escaping. He just ran away and left him there. What would you choose? Further torture, coercion into what he does not want, experiments and all because of one person who will die anyway when many of his species rely on him and to whom he promised peace and no further encounters with people?
Why take risks when he has something to live for and can raise his young in peace and keep them as far away from people and their wars as possible?
Hiccup, as he was leaving, was still trying to hold the tears from the pressure of dissapointment while finding his son in this hell and the sadness from the betrayal. He tried not to cry. Then after everything he went through not to cry. He knows what it's like to lose friends, he won't cry for this. But in this case, the tears must have appeared even though he didn't want to cry. There was just a lot of it, despite the fact that he had been betrayed by someone he had had as a brother, but neither the bias in the last few years nor the effort to do anything about it helped much in this case. It hurt. And it was a fact.
When he left, he still couldn't stand it.
Leaning against a stone wall with his hands on his forehead, he closed his eyes and began to cry.
How did it end, how could his life just end like this?
Jensen was startled when an arrow flew past him. He was even more frightened when he realized that something had crawled from his backpack into his sleeve. He didn't remember anything like that when he was there.
It showed its face.
It was a small dragon, perhaps still a young who got into his backpack when he found Toothless.
"What are you doing here?" he asked the little dragon, which was now crawling at his hand.
Dragon looked at him, but there was an explosion behind the boy.
"We have to hide, it's not safe here."
Hiccup in search of his son, he lost his usual mood and the pessimism he had from the beginning.
He was depressed again, after the betrayal he had experienced but did everything he could not to dive back into the past, because he had to find his son.
He had been in such a state for several hours.
He was in a state where he preferred to stay curled up in a ball, drunk and unable to move normally.
But because of the child, this one of the definitive stages of despair was out of the question.
He regretted the way he had treated him before. He regretted yelling at him more than once when the boy showed him support, regretted emotionally abusing the child instead of supporting him as the right parent, regretted his propensity for physical abuse, regretted almost attacking him when he first met him, and he was only 3 years old, he regretted how a terrible father he was and wanted to fix it.
He wanted his son to forgive him, even the cruel truth about mom.
He wanted to be the best dad in the world for him. His son was the last thing that kept him alive and why he didn't commit suicide after everything.
"Jensen... forgive me.. forgive me.. it's all my fault... I should have been a better father to you, but I wasn't... Jensen.. will you forgive me...? ... Will you forgive me for what I did to your mother?... will you forgive me for that I failed 8 years ago... will your forgive me for that I didn't listen to your grandfather, caused his death and ruined everyone's life... will you forgive me... my son.. will you forgive me this alll?... Will you forgive me?"
The boy and his small lizard companion hid under one of the destroyed military ground wooden wagon cars.
Jensen was scared, and so far his unnamed dragon companion, too.
Clay was flying around, and the war crying saddened the two young individuals.
"How do we get out of here without being killed?" Jensen asked the small dragon and the animal growled.
"Friend, you don't know either, do you either, do you? So we're in a pretty mess."
But then the dragon growled up and pointed his head somewhere as if he wanted the boy to look at something. Jensen turned his head to look.
It was a chance to escape the battlefield.
"Sooo... 3.. 2...1... now!"
An eight-year-old boy climbed out of hiding with a dragon in his backpack and took him across the battlefield in an attempt to escape.
But then they were both frightened when a military dragon landed in front of them, about to spit fire.
"We don't want to hurt you." Jensen said to the dragon before he continued running.
A father searching for his son stopped on his desperate journey when he came across a battlefield.
Hiccup's PTSD started to showing already as soon as he heard the sounds and he tried not to go crazy on the spot.
But then he had a heart attack when he saw his lost son in the distance on the battlefield.
The boy crouched in the distance, a small lizard's head peeking out of his backpack as a military dragon was about to spit fire.
He didn't expect anything and immediately ran there. He had to save the child.
"Don't hurt my son!" Hiccup shouted when he ran between Jensen and the military dragon, pullling his left hand to the animal which was about to attack.
"Dad!" Jensen shouted all surprised with the little dragon by his side who looked surprised too.
"Did you really think I'd just leave you here?" Hiccup asked his son with a serious voice trying to tame the animal.
"No, I didn't expect-"
"I have to save you both. We'll work this out then."
Hiccup again, felt fear when he stopped an animal that was ready to kill. He wanted to reassure the animal as if he were to tame it, but after eight years of not doing so, he was justifiably scared.
"Calm down, I know that you are not here voluntarily and that they forced you to do so, even with violence like they did with me. Let me set you free."
The dragon stopped from the attack. It was as if he felt some authority from the former chief.
Hiccup actually almost started crying as he tamed a dragon again after 8 years. There was a lot of emotions after all he went through, but he hadn't show it.
The military dragon calmed down as soon as his hand touched his scales and Hiccup relieved.
"Not all people are like those who hurt you.." He murmured in a relief.
He also kept his promise. He disconnected what held the equipment and armor on the animal and let the freed dragon fly for freedom.
Hiccup completely ignored the battlefield now, he was breathing deeply after taming a dragon again after 8 years and sweat ran down his face.
"...Dad?" Jensen asked watching his father.
Hiccup turned at him and immediately helped his son. He helped his son to his feet and immediately took him away as quickly as possible before a fireball hit the place.
The father and son and the new little dragon companion finally watched the ongoing fighting nearby.
Jensen was looking at it as if he was watching a television, still kinda scared, stroking the dragon while Hiccup was watching it with a sad view again submerged into his thoughts.
One tear fell from his eyes again.
"Forgive me Jensen.. forgive me.. forgive me this all.."
Jensen then stand up and came to his father as he heard his voice with the small dragon he named Lighthope on his shoulder.
"What are you talking about Dad? You mean that you killed mom?" The boy asked watching his only living parent.
"This and a lot of other things. Just everything." Hiccup said still in a gloomy voice watching the battle.
Jensen swallowed.
"And what do you want to do, Dad?"
"I must fix it. And I want you to forgive me." He continued and tear fell again from his eye.
He noticed the boy's reaction. It hurt, but he knew he had to do it.
He knelt, placed his left hand on the boy's shoulder, and began to speak into his son's eyes, his voice slowly taking on a crying tone.
"The last 8 years have been nothing but hell during which I lost everything.." Hiccup took a deep breath and he continued "..I had to kill other people to protect you and your mom, in the meantime they tortured me and brainwashed me, they knew very well that I was going insane.."
Expression on Jensen's face started to change as he more and more listened to his father's story.
"I treated you terribly instead of what I should, even as a father, I failed.."
Jensen was slowly starting to cry.
"It's all my fault. If I had listened to your grandfather ten years ago, he could have lived just like your mom, and none of this would have happened. It's all my fault."
"Dad.." Jensen murmured starting wiping his tears.
"I must fix it." Hiccup said and he hugged his son to calm him a little and he asked "Will you forgive me?"
The boy pressed his father as he hugged him while crying.
"I will forgive you Dad.. just don't leave me."
The hug between father and son ended.
"I must fix it. I promise I'll return back to you. I will fix the last 8 years by fighting for freedom."
"Dad.." Jensen was still crying. Even his small dragon companion looked sad as well and tried to calm down the boy.
"I promise I'll return back to you. I promise." He said and he turned, leaving back to the battlefield.
"Don't leave me Dad, don't leave me.." Jensen was crying .
But Hiccup was silent. He wiped away his tears and pulled out the weapon he had in hand.
Jensen was watching him crying and his little dragon was sadly growling.
The two watched sadly as he set out to fight for freedom, but a few seconds after as the rebels fought and his father was in the battlefield, there was an explosion caused by a fireball. In the place where his father was.
"Dad? Dad!?" Jensen cried.
Dad, I wish you could live to see peace.I'm as old as you, I have a wife and children.There is peace and freedom, that is, what you and mom were waiting for and you did not live to see.. There is again beautiful nature as it was before the wars and some people still miss their dragons. But most of them withdrew from the people and thanks to Toothless, I guess but they're slowly returning back to humans. And people are uniting and tyranny is gone. I wish you both lived to see it.
With love, your son Jensen