Raphael had always thought that he would never be able to love someone who was a vampire like him. That he would look upon this other person and only see a twisted version of himself, a former soul mutilated by the curse that was vampirism. He was so sure that his disgust could never be eclipsed by any positive feeling and that was why he had rejected all offers of romantic interest from other vampires. To him, loving another vampire would mean accepting who he was, renouncing the idea of ever getting his humanity back, and Raphael had never felt ready for this step that stood in direct opposition to everything he was and believed in.
Besides, love was a pure, selfless emotions – incomparable in pretty much every way. Vampires were impure and selfish by design; how else would you call a creature who could only survive by killing another human being? Raphael had never thought that love would be in the cards for him, until Simon had come and slowly thawed his heart until he could do nothing but love the other boy for it.
So, when Simon had arrived and after Raphael had to be kept from killing Camille in his primal fury, standing there as newly turned vampire Raphael had been afraid. So terrified that after only a short time of experiencing how it felt to love and be loved he would look inside and not find the love he had felt for Simon anymore. That he would look upon Simon but not see the boy he had fallen in love with but the creature he had been replaced with – that Camille had replaced him with. That he would seek fire and heat but only find ashes and cold.
But when he looked at Simon it was as if nothing had changed. Nothing at all. Simon smiled at him and there was the same flutter in his stomach, the same heat cursing through his usual oh so cold veins. Raphael looked at Simon – so much more graceful now; his brown skin not lighter, but having an iridescent glow to it, his teeth whiter and sharper – and still saw the same Simon as before. Funny, humbling, generous. There was no monster, no impostor, no marred soul underneath the shiny new packaging. There was just Simon who against all odds had chosen to love Raphael with all he had.
For many years, people had told Raphael that they loved him, that they did not see him as monster or as danger. Just as himself. He had never found in himself the will to believe them, too mired in his own thoughts of self-deprecation and self-pity. His mind was his own prison and if he was honest, he had never really put much thought into his escape. Instead, he had turned his prison into his home, thereby forgetting what it truly was. But now, for the first time, Raphael started to feel like it truly mattered.
"What are you thinking about?" Simon wanted to know, looking not concerned but curious. As if he was certain that nothing between him and Raphael had changed. He and Raphael were in a small side room (which meant large by anyone else's standards except Magnus') where Simon had asked to be alone with Raphael before they continued with their discussion and strategy meeting.
"I never really believed it," Raphael started, his voice as heavy as his thoughts were right now. "I tried to, but a small part of me always held me back and whispered to me that I shouldn't. That it couldn't be true."
"What couldn't be true?" Simon prodded further, standing only a few centimetres away from where Raphael was sitting on the wide bed that was dominating the room. Raphael looked down on his hands – fingers so clean and unblemished despite all the blood they had been steeped in.
"I always thought that my vampirism would keep people from loving me full-heartedly," Raphael admitted. "That even in you there was a small part that was afraid of what I am and what it means." Simon opened his mouth, probably to assure Raphael that what he was saying was not true, that Simon really did love him with everything, but Raphael continued before even a single sound could pass his lips. "But when I look at you now, I still love you like before without a single shred of doubt. And if I can feel about you this way, despite what I always thought, then how can I still doubt that you love me like this, too? That Magnus does and Brittany?" Unlike what common believe said, vampires could cry. And right now, Raphael did: Tears of joy. "For the first time since I turned, I truly feel loved. I truly feel like I'm deserving of it."
He could barely see through the veil of tears, but he could feel it when Simon kneeled in front of him and engulfed him in a fierce hug. And even though they were both vampires now, for the first time since what felt like forever Raphael felt warm. Not just the physical sensation of it, not just on his skin, but a deep emotional warmth as well that went down into his bones and engulfed his mind as well as his heart.
"Of course, we love you," Simon whispered. "Of course, I love you. And I am so happy that you are finally realising this. I'm so happy that you finally allowed yourself this piece of happiness." Raphael let the words wash over him like a gentle breeze, squeezing his eye shut and just concentrating on all the other sensations. Simon's body on his, his smell, the soft mattress underneath him, the warmth. He did not want to see anything, he just wanted to bask in this moment and never let it go. All the tension – both in body and in mind – just flowed out of him, running through his fingers like sand.
And then suddenly Simon's lips were on his, as Simon wanted to show again how truly he really loved Raphael. Raphael did not offer any resistance to it, just allowed Simon to lead and follow him wherever he wanted to.
"I love you," Raphael whispered when Simon broke the contact. He could not remember the last time he had said those words out loud – if ever – and truly meant them with all his heart, including the part of him that did not want him to. It felt important to Raphael to say it now, this time truly meaning it. Maybe Simon had known it all along, but it was so pivotal to Raphael's piece of mind that he just needed the other boy to know. He was nearly seventy years old and this was the only time he could honestly say those words and mean them.
"I know," Simon replied, his voice full of conviction. And who knows? Maybe he had known and had just waited for Raphael to finally figure it out for himself.
"I could say it all night long," Raphael added, caressing Simon's cheek with his hand. "Maybe I will."
"While I have absolutely nothing against it, I believe Magnus would murder you after, like, half a minute," Simon laughed.
Raphael just buried his head into Simon's shoulder and harrumphed. "Magnus should just shut up with how much swooning he has done over that Shadowhunter of his."
Simon laughed. "Guess you're right. As much as I would love to kiss you senseless here, I think we should get back now."
"I don't want to," Raphael replied, a little bit childishly. "I don't want to see Camille."
"Believe me, neither do I," Simon replied. "But the sooner we handle her, the sooner she'll be gone."
"Alright," Raphael grumbled as he slowly lifted himself up from his sitting position.
"So, we're fine then?" Simon asked him as he was about to open the door. For the first time something akin to uncertainty crept into his voice.
"We are," Raphael assured him and squeezed his shoulder. "We've never been better." And then they walked through the door and back into the seating area where Magnus, Alec and Camille were still lounging about, the former two eying the female vampire with great distrust and weariness. Camille just looked at him and for a split-second her expression seemed to slip into one of envy, but before Raphael could confirm it, it was gone again.
"Are you two lovebirds finished?" she asked instead.
"Don't be jealous, just because you're the only one who has no one to loves them," Magnus chided her, his voice sickening sweet. Camille looked possible murderous, but Raphael knew her well enough to see that Magnus' remark had hit home. And Magnus knew it, too, and for that Camille hated them both.
"How are were going to continue from here on?" Alec threw the question into the room. As the only person in the room not personally entangled with Camille, right now he was probably the most level-headed of them all. "We obviously can't let Jocelyn know that Simon survived her attack."
"Well, she's probably gonna get pretty suspicious if no one's gonna notice I'm missing," Simon pointed out.
"Or if your body won't be found," Raphael added.
"For both of these predicaments I have a solution," Magnus announced with a flourish.
"Should I be worried that you seem to have a solution for there not being a corpse?" Simon asked, only half-jokingly.
"Of course not," Magnus replied. "I have just the right ingredients: Clay from Prague's shores of the Vltava, an alchemist scroll and a single strand of Simon's hair." Apparently, Simon instantly caught on to the scheme Magnus was proposing.
"You want to create a golem of me?" he asked. "Would that really fool Jocelyn?"
"Well, the only thing the golem has to do is play corpse, so no weird behaviour that could tip anyone off," Magnus said. "As long as the scroll and your hair stays placed inside it, it won't disintegrate back into clay and with Alec in the know he can make sure that no one at the Institute performs an autopsy on you. Not that they would want to, anyway, because you are 'just a mundane', but it helps. And the rest just depends on the acting skills of everyone present here."
"It feels cruel," Simon said. "Clary will think I'm dead after just having gotten me back."
"It's the only way we can use the situation to our advantage," Alec offered his opinion. "I'm not going to lie: I'm not in the position you are in and just thinking about faking my death to Izzy and Jace makes me want to punch something, but in the end you're sacrifice – and theirs – will be worth it. Valentine is a danger to everyone we love and want to protect. Maybe Clary will be furious at you, but at least if this works, she will be still alive for you to explain your reasoning to her. She will be alive to forgive you."
"And what about my family?" Simon shot back. "My mom won't survive losing another person she loves."
"We can get them into witness protection," Magnus offered. "I know some people at the FBI that are aware of the supernatural. They could make something up and relocate them to somewhere else until this is hopefully over."
"How would you explain to them why I'm not with them?"
"Let that be my problem," Magnus just said. "Trust me when I say that it won't be something you'd find morally questionable."
"I trust you," Simon replied. "If you say you can do it, then you can do it." He took a deep breath, reminding Raphael that he was still not used to being a vampire. They did not need to breath after all. "So, how are we going to build that golem?" Magnus clasped his hands together in childish glee as if you had just promised a toddler some candy.
"First, I need the clay," Magnus announced. "It's in the basement. Simon knows where. All three of you should probably go, because we need enough to recreate Simon's body structure."
"I don't want to leave you alone with her," Alec objected, tilting his head towards Camille to indicate who he meant (not that it was not obvious from the start anyway).
"Don't worry, your lovely Magnus is going to be safe and sound with me," Camille assured the Shadowhunter in a saccharine tone. Alec's glower was possibly murderous. Really, if he did not want everyone to know about whatever was going on between him and Magnus, he should not be so obvious about it, Raphael thought.
"Relax, Alexander," Magnus spoke, lying his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Camille will not hurt me. First, because it would be of no use to her and secondly, because she simply cannot. This is my home and I have every advantage here."
"Listen to your sugar daddy," Camille added, very unhelpfully. "We just have a little bit catching up to do. After all, Magnus and I go way back. And I will be still here when you are long dead and gone."
"That's enough!" Magnus snapped at the vampire. Raphael could practically feel the magical surge that charged the air around them and made his instincts scream at him to run and hide. This time Camille had truly managed to set off Magnus.
"Let's go and get that clay, archer boy." Raphael manoeuvred the Shadowhunter from his place onto the couch towards Simon and led by the younger vampire they made their way through the sheer endless hallways of Magnus' home towards the basement.
"I really don't like leaving him alone with her," the Shadowhunter muttered under his breath.
"Magnus is a big boy who can handle himself," Simon reassured him. "They're probably insulting each other as we speak. It is weird, they know how to hurt each other the most, but to them it is just sports, I guess? Like, they don't even feel how the other is trying to hurt them?"
"That's not very reassuring," Alexander huffed. "I don't know why I need to go with you to get some clay. You are vampires, you have supernatural strength." Simon just shrugged. They were no walking down a narrow set of stairs until they stood in front of a wide double door. Simon pushed it open, opening their field of view to a sheer endless room stacked with shelves that seemed to stretch endlessly.
"That's Magnus' storage room," Simon helpfully supplied. "Knowing Magnus, the clay is either under C for clay, P for Prague or V for Vltava. Guess it's quite fortunate that we're three, so each of us takes a letter."
"I'll take V," Raphael announced. "It's the furthest away from the door and I'm the fastest."
"I have vampire speed, too," Simon protested.
"Can you actually use it?" Raphael wanted to know with raised eyebrow. Simon's embarrassed silence was more than enough of an answer.
"I'll take P then," Alexander said. "Does Magnus really label everything alphabetically?"
"He may appear to you like an uncontrollable chaotic force of nature, but Magnus takes his organisation really seriously," Simon answered him. "I would know, I had to organise his library after all – in three different languages. Let me tell you, that wasn't as funny as it sounds."
"It doesn't sound funny at all."
"Exactly." And with that they were off to their respective letter. Despite his vampiric speed it still took Raphael quite a while until he managed to reach the shelf where the letter V began because sometimes there were several rows of shelves belonging to the same letter. Magnus had amassed a truly tremendous number of objects during his century-long life. It was probably worth more than a small country.
Raphael snorted. Who was he kidding, it was probably worth a medium-sized country.
Slowly, he walked along the shelf, his eyes lingering on the labels written in Magnus' curved handwriting. A whole section of objects from the Vatican, volcanic ash, and other sediments, but no clay. He did find a disturbingly large Venus flytrap that nearly bit off his hand when Raphael came too close to the goddamn thing.
"I have it!" Simon's voice echoed through the vault as if he was standing only a few meters away from Raphael and was not on the other side of the room. "It was under C!" Sending the Venus flytrap one last glare, Raphael turned around and made his way back. Alexander was coming out of his row, so Raphael slowed down as curtesy to the Shadowhunter who would not be able to keep up with his speed.
"Choosing P was a mistake," the other man muttered. "Do you know what words start with P?" Raphael could guess, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. "Penis, phallic and porn." The young Shadowhunter looked possibly traumatised.
"My condolences," Raphael finally said, because he was not quite sure what else he was supposed to say. He did not know how Alexander had been raised, but he doubted it had been with an attitude towards sexuality as laissez-faire as Magnus'.
"There was a giant wooden…you know what," Alexander stammered, too embarrassed to even utter the word out loud. "It was so huge."
"I'm sure Magnus' won't be that scary," Raphael couldn't help but say. Fortunately, they reached Simon before Alexander could parse the meaning of Raphael's comment.
"Magnus has a whole row of clay here," the young vampire began to ramble. "Like, from all over the world. There's something from Pompei, from Mesopotamia, from Indonesia and of course from Prague." He led them towards the shelf where the Clay from the Vltava river was. Now Raphael realised why Magnus had send them all: The blocs looked so heavy that everyone of them could maybe take one and they needed at least three to have enough for a golem.
"I guess each of us takes one bloc?" Simon voiced what Raphael had been thinking. The blocs were quite heavy, indeed, but in the end, they managed to get them up to Magnus. The Warlock (because Raphael doubted that Camille had lifted even a single finger to help) meanwhile had pushed all the furniture aside and created a wide, open space in the middle of the room covered in white foil.
"Put everything here," Magnus ordered them. Raphael pretended he did not notice the breath of relief that escaped Alexander's lips after he could let go of the clay bloc in his hands.
"Now, how are your artistic abilities?" Magnus wanted to know. Raphael raised an eyebrow at the warlock because he should know that he could not draw even to save a life and he knew that Simon was an absolute magician when it came to music but crafting? That was not his forte. He did not know about Alexander, though.
"It doesn't matter," Magnus continued, as if his previous question had just been rhetorical. "We don't need the golem to be a masterpiece. He only needs to roughly have the same proportions as Simon."
"Then I guess you better get started," Camille said. "Because these nails did cost two-hundred dollars and I won't ruin that by getting some dirt underneath them." Nobody bothered to reply.
It was quite sad if Raphael thought about it. Camille stood apart from them all, thinking herself above them, too good to literally crawl in the dirt, thinking that her opinion mattered, that she controlled the whole operation. In reality, though, she was just alone, too inconsequential for them to bother with her constant disdain and snarky remarks. They were just indifferent to her and if Camille was not so emotionally numb from all her centuries as vampire she might have noticed and cried for the lost connection, but she was who she was and so she mistook her weakness for strength.
"As much as I feel complimented by it, my arms are not that buff," Simon commented to Alexander who was forming the golem's right arm. Alexander let out an annoyed huff but removed some of the clay so that the arm was a little bit leaner. "And shouldn't my legs have roughly the same length?" This comment was directed at Magnus who was working on the golem's lower body.
"I'd have thought you'd be more disturbed by your very Ken-like physiology," Magnus just shot back.
"Nah, I'm chill with that," Simon replied as he continued to form a ball with his hands that was probably supposed to become the golem's head. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity even without a penis."
"You could still get a wooden one," Raphael commented offhandedly. Next to him Alexander made a choking noise. "Shouldn't your golem also get a mouth?"
"Make it deep and big enough for the scroll to fit in," Magnus added and nodded towards the small scroll Camille was currently pursuing.
"Every now and then you surprise me, Magnus," she idly commented. "That's an original scroll from Archimedes. I thought the Clave destroyed all of them when they orchestrated the Habsburgs to seize Prague."
"I was in Krakow at that time and when I heard of what was happening, I liberated as much of Archimedes' research as I could," Magnus replied. By now the body they were creating was slowly taking shape and becoming recognisable as humanoid being.
"Wait, wasn't Archimedes some Greek dude?" Simon wondered.
"It was also the name of a Czech warlock whose research into creating golems got him his head cut off by the Clave," Camille explained. "They couldn't be bothered to learn the difference between necromancy and reanimation. A lack of understanding that costed Archimedes and a lot of other warlocks their lives." Next to him, Alexander was conspicuously quiet as the topic of conversation turned to yet another oppressive action taken by the Clave over the centuries. "His knowledge has been lost ever since. But apparently not completely."
"You know me, Camille, I'm full of surprises," Magnus said.
"I do know that all too well," Camille replied and for a split-second something happened between her and Magnus, a short understanding, a reminiscence of something long past, a memory they both shared, evoked by those simple sentence, but it was gone before Raphael could even grasp it. When he looked up, he saw that Alexander had noticed it, too, if his worried gaze with which he looked at Magnus was anything to go by.
They continued the rest of their work in silence, only interrupted every now and then by an offhanded comment from Simon or the rustling of Camille browsing through one of Magnus' various books. Raphael admitted that it was kind of soothing, feeling the cold, smooth clay underneath his fingers, guided only by his hand and his intention. Now he could understand why some people took up pottery as hobby.
Raphael did not know how much time had passed, but eventually they had something that looked like a humanoid shape lying on Magnus' floor including a truly horrifying orifice where its mouth was supposed to be.
"A few strands of your hair, if you please," Magnus asked of Simon who plucked a few strands from his head and handed them over to Magnus. Said warlock took them, rolled them into the scroll that was handed to him by Camille and in one smooth motion he placed the scroll into the golem's mouth.
At first nothing happened which made Raphael wonder if they had done something wrong (doubtful, because Magnus did not err often when it came to his craft), but then the clay suddenly seemed to…melt would be the right word – ripple another – until slowly but surely a form that looked much more like a human emerged from the clay. The movements continued for a while and when they abated there was a perfect replica of Simon lying in front of them, including the wound in his chest.
"A golem can only take the form of someone alive," Magnus answered the unasked question. "This was the last time you were, including the wound. Fortunately, this works in our favour."
"Wow, looking at your own corpse makes you feel really uncomfortable," Simon spoke, looking quite uneasy. Magnus send him a compassionate look.
"We need to put it at the crime scene," Alexander spoke. "Simon and Camille should stay away. We can't rouse any suspicion. It'd be best if you could portal us there. We can dispose the body and come back to finish our plans."
"Then let's do this," Magnus said. "The night is still young after all and we have yet so much to do."