"Hey, shhh, don't cry over me. It's going to be fine, you're both going to be fine. Trust me." He couldn't say a word in response, almost unsure in the reassuring words the two of them were being sent. He could hear the soft sniffling from his daughter who stood beside him, but he refused to acknowledge the tears that threatened to overflow from his eyes. "Would you smile for me, please? You shouldn't cry over me." It wouldn't be right to refuse a final wish, and from the edge of his vision he could see the eleven year old beside him smile through her tears.
It hurt him to follow through though, because it meant accepting what was going to happen. He knew that it could've happened at any time, they all knew that it would happen eventually being in this profession, but who could blame him for not wanting it to happen so soon. He tried to smile anyway though, an expression that still felt so foreign after managing to use it for twelve years. Watching silently as the smaller redhead moved closer to the bedside, it would've been impossible to hide or forget how his eyes stung when the tears finally overflowed and started streaming down his face.
"I love you, daddy." Watching as she gave both a hug and a kiss to her father, he couldn't blame the girl for leaving the room only a few moments later. Watching as his husband's unbandaged hand motioned to be held, he pulled a chair closer to the bedside, sitting down before taking the much cooler hand in his. He could feel the fingers lace between his, resting his arm beside his partner's on the covers so the man wouldn't strain himself. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, himself watching the weak rising and falling of the other's chest, especially under the dyed red bandages.
"Yu" Blinking a little as he heard himself being addressed, he found the singular green eye trained on him. "Take my earring." He could tell that his eyes had widened, stunned by the request.
"Why?" His voice sounded so off in his ears, but he could only blame that on his crying.
"To keep the pair together. I want it to be hard for you to forget about me, as selfish as it sounds." He couldn't stop the weak laugh, still upset but somehow finding humor in the other's words.
"Idiot, I'll never be able to forget about you, not that I'd ever want to." Moving his free hand to the piece of jewelry in question, he sat forward enough to pull the piece out of the other's ear as carefully as possible. He made sure that he knew where the empty earring hole was before he put the pieces in his ear. It took a few moments for him to be able to move his hand away from his ear, unable to clearly tell if the weight of the metal pieces was purely emotional or physical.
"Much better." Rolling his eyes at the words, he sat forward again to press a kiss to the rough lips, wanting to savor the feeling so he wouldn't forget it. The silence that surrounded them felt less suffocating, able to watch as his husband's breathing slowed ever so slightly.
"I love you, Yu." Hearing the words, he squeezed the hand in his, trying both to rush and not rush his own words as he spoke them.
"I love you too, Lavi." He watched as that vibrant green eye closed, watching still as the breathing slowed to a stop over the course of another silence filled hour. He stayed there for another hour or so before he left the room, pressing one final kiss to those cold lips.
xxx
He understood the worry that everyone looked to him with, and he appreciated the time away from missions to mourn, but three weeks felt too long. Pacing silently back through the gate, he watched as the other exorcists he had been sent with talked, one of them heading to turn in their mission report. Making it halfway down the hall on his way back to his old room before he felt lightheaded, he used his right shoulder to press up against the wall, his right hand tracing up and down the bandaging on his left arm. Pulling his hand away and into his eyesight he could plainly see the deep red in the lamplight, the thick fluid coating his fingers from some wound that hadn't healed yet.
Wait, he hadn't healed yet? What was that supposed to mean? Was his seal weakening that badly? He knew he hadn't been in a serious battle that would call for it to slow this much in about a month, and the wound that he still bled from wasn't too bad at all. Using the back of his wrist to push himself off the wall, he headed back a bit, going into the rooms that he shared with Isobel. With his hand still covered in blood and more of the sticky fluid dripping down his left arm he opened the door and headed into the bathroom, slipping his unbuttoned uniform jacket off before taking in his full appearance in the mirror. His deep blue eyes were bloodshot, long hair a tangled mess from when he had haphazardly tied it up this morning, bandages wrapped from his neck and upper chest down his entire left arm like a white and red sleeve. It wasn't hard to see the bags under his eyes from being unable to sleep, but that wasn't what he needed to be focused on.
Grabbing gauze that he had swiped from the infirmary years ago to take care of his and Isobel's smaller wounds, he tore off the bloody bandages before he took his shirt off, wanting to see all of what hadn't healed. Most of what he found were light bruises and scrapes that had stopped bleeding hours ago, but the two or three still open wounds scared him despite how small they were. Wrapping up what still bled and tucking the gauze to keep it secure, he tossed out the used bandages, filling a cup with water to take with him to bed. He felt exhausted for the first time in days, planning to head to bed and blame it on the blood loss later on. Curling up in the cold bed on his side, he vaguely remembered the last time he had bled this much. But it couldn't be possible, so he tried to brush the thought away as he drifted.
xxx
"Stop talking about him like that! You're no better than the enemy if you think that way about us. All because a piece of us is dead doesn't mean that we'll turn around and accept the Earl's offer." Her hands were itching to grab her axe from its holster on her hip, but she knew that she shouldn't. They were only finders and a few men from the science division, but that didn't stop the urge. Clenching her fists to her sides, she couldn't stop her yell in frustration as she stomped out of the room. Hearing running footsteps behind her, she almost had half a mind to knock whoever it was down, freezing up as she saw her uncle trying to catch up with her.
"I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but your mum would be so proud of what you just did and didn't do if he had seen it. I was trying to get through the crowd while you were still in the dining hall, but I'm glad that I didn't or it'd have taken me longer to catch up with you." She nearly knocked her uncle off his feet when she threw herself at him, pressing her face into his shirt and vest. She could feel as arms wrapped around her shoulders, human fingers lightly brushing through her pigtails as she tried to calm herself down. Pulling away from the older man, she felt as her cheeks were squished by tepid hands, pouting a little to get the silver haired twenty-eight year old to laugh.
She wouldn't laugh, she couldn't.
"Do you know when momma is supposed to be back from his mission?" Watching silver eyes blink as she stepped away, she glanced to the side of the hall, her eyes trailing along the edge of the floor and wall where dust and dirt managed to hide.
"I heard that everyone from that mission got back a few hours ago, and that all but your mum went to the infirmary to get their wounds checked, like normal. Let's go find him Iso, Ami and Kyō are training with Lenalee for a few more hours and Ryuuji isn't supposed to be back until tomorrow night." Nodding silently, she took her uncle's hand in her own, the both of them walking down the halls for any sign of her momma. After a while she almost believed that her uncle was lost before she saw the door into their shared room, freezing in place when she finally caught sight of the door and it's handle. She could tell that her eyes were blown wide, her skin paling a few shades at the sight of blood on the door handle. Feeling the hand move from her hand to her shoulder, she watched her uncle move to the door silently, using his gloved left hand to grip the blood covered knob and open the door silently.
The moment she entered the room she was both terrified and calm, the latter because she could see her momma laying on his side in bed, thankfully sleeping. She could feel her legs shaking though, able to see the bloody bandages that he wore around his arm and chest from the door. She took steps towards him, leaving her boots by the door in an effort to not be heard, though it didn't seem to make a difference as he didn't even shift in his sleep when the door closed itself. Pacing around the bed, she counted the bloody patches that she saw, eyebrows knit together in worry as she noticed that it was all fresh. She practically grabbed her uncle's wrist once he came back from checking the bathroom and refilling the empty glass of water, pulling him into her room and closing the door silently.
"Uncle Allen?" She managed to climb onto her bed before she started talking, pulling her knees up under her chin.
"Yes Isobel?" Glancing up a little as she felt her uncle sit on the side of her bed, she could barely see him behind her bangs.
"You know a lot about the second exorcist program, right?" She couldn't miss the flinch that she saw, nor the grimace that covered her uncle's face.
"Yes I do, I know quite a bit about that. Why do you ask?" She couldn't help the tears that started collecting in the corners of her eyes, threatening to overflow from her eyes.
"Momma's still bleeding, is he dying?"
xxx
He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but the point that the lamps had been lit meant that Isobel had come back to the room at some point, though he was a little taken back by how he hadn't heard her come in or walking around the room when she had. Picking up the glass of water from the bedside table, he could have sworn that he had finished it off earlier. And that's when he finally noticed the golden golem sitting on the side table, obviously watching him before it flew into Isobel's room, the door open just a gap. Narrowing his eyes, he stood up from the bed, feeling the room swim a little around him before he just sat back down.
"Momma?" Glancing back over to the door, he could see the smaller girl in the doorway to her bedroom, her hair in two braids instead of their usual pigtails. He could easily blame that on the beansprout that he could barely see behind her as she came closer.
"I'm back, Iso. Were you alright while I was gone?" He could see that she wanted to say something, but he didn't have any idea what it could be. He would just have to wait for her to say it, especially when her nod in response to his question didn't seem to relax her. Maybe it was because he had been asleep?
"You're still bleeding." Those three words had him freezing up, glancing down to his bandages. She was right, he was still bleeding, the bandages needed to be changed again even. It took a few minutes for the three of them to get situated on the bed, able to feel as his bandages were removed and the still open wounds were looked at. He had watched as Timcanpy took the used bandages into the bathroom, not wanting to think about how the golem would've tried to eat the fabric strips.
"Why didn't you go to the infirmary for these? They need stitches since they're so deep." Hearing the words he looked away from the beansprout that was looking at the wound on his arm. He could feel Isobel pause in her tracks at the words, the red haired girl having been trying to brush his hair out without pulling on the tangles and snags.
"Not happening, it'll heal on its own." Feeling an ungloved hand grip at his jaw and forcefully turn his head, he glared at the silver eyes that were staring back at him.
"Right, and will that be before or after you pass out from blood loss again? It's obvious that your healing factor isn't working properly right now, you would usually be fully healed in three or four hours maximum, it's been more than eight and these probably look the same as when they were first wrapped up." His eyes widened in shock at the scolding tone he was met with, having forgotten that the other adult has had to handle three kids single-handedly for about a year now. Finally thinking about his predicament, he could feel his heart start to race, practically resonating with his fear of what was happening. Pulling the hand off his jaw, he was practically dead to the world as he tried to remember anything about this happening.
"Twelve years." Blinking as he barely recognized his own voice, he tried to stop his train of thought but found that impossible with the circumstances. It wasn't as hard to imagine as he thought, especially when he remembered how everything was over a decade ago.
"What?" Hearing the word, he looked back up and at the shorter before him, not wanting to believe what he was thinking.
"The last time this sort of thing happened was twelve years ago." He waited the minutes it took for the information to process, watching as those silver eyes widened in shock and disbelief.
"What happened twelve years ago?" Hearing his daughter's voice from behind him, he tried to look back to her for a moment before moving how he sat, motioning for the girl to sit with the two of them. He almost had an urge to hold the eleven year old in his lap, in fact he didn't know what was stopping him. The three of them sat in silence for a moment before he opened his mouth to speak, trying to keep from collapsing at the memories and events that now plagued his mind.
"You happened twelve years ago, well almost. The last time my healing factor noticeably dropped was while I was pregnant with you Isobel. It was the first sign..." Trailing off, he felt as he was pulled into a hug by both of the other two, able to feel tears well up as he felt Timcanpy land on his head. The group of them stayed like that for a bit longer before he felt himself being helped to sitting again, able to feel new bandages being pressed over the open wound on his arm.
"Well there's no way to know what is actually happening without trying to figure it out, worst case scenario it not being that. Why don't we all head to the infirmary to get those wounds stitched up and we can ask about it while we're there. How about it, Bakanda?" Narrowing his eyes at the play on his name, he nodded silently, watching as Isobel grabbed his cardigan and tossed it over to them before she grabbed her boots to put on.
The walk to the infirmary wasn't too long, though with the way his arms were being held and how the three of them were walking caused some stares. He usually didn't care what other people thought of him, but he could practically tell that all of them thought he was being dragged to the infirmary against his will. He really couldn't blame those who thought that though. Getting into the infirmary, he was the one to stop one of the nurses that were standing to the side of the room, mentioning as softly as possible his wounds and the worrying chance of two completely different things causing them not to heal. He was thankful that the three of them were taken into a separate room, even if he would rather not be there in the first place. He was glad that the only needle used was to stitch him up, the blood from his wounds being collected instead since he was already losing so much. He barely heard the mention of him being told to rest for a while and to drink plenty of fluids as the stitches were covered, but he wasn't really paying attention to anything until he was already back in bed, able to feel as Isobel held onto his right arm as they both drifted off to sleep.
xxx
"Ami! Stop trying to stab your brother with your fork!" Blinking as he glanced to the dark haired girl that was being scolded, he took another sip of his tea, trying not to look as amused as he was seeing the beansprout fight with his daughter over how rude it was to jab Kyō with an eating utensil, as if jabbing the boy with anything else was more acceptable. He could vaguely remember a time where sitting at the same table as the cursed man was higher on the list of things he disliked than having to handle finders and their moping, but he isn't too put out over how much his tolerance had changed over the years. Getting annoyed with the duo, he set his cup back down, watching as Ryuuji who sat across from him tried to ignore what was happening at the table.
"Just jab her back, see how she likes it." He almost smirked as he watched the six year old stick her tongue out at him, he found it hard to keep himself composed as she squeaked loudly when she was on the receiving end of being jabbed, albeit with the handle of the fork but still. He was about to take his tray and dishes back to the counter when he heard the running steps coming closer to them, stopping just behind him.
"Kanda, Chief Komui wants to see you as soon as possible in his office." For a moment he couldn't think of a reason he would be summoned for, until he remembered that trip to the infirmary from a few days ago. Could this be about what had happened then? Glancing over Isobel's head to the beansprout, he watched the silver hair bounce as he received a nod.
"Isobel you're in charge, make sure Ami doesn't stab anyone else. We'll meet back up in the training rooms." Watching the girl nod, he got up from the table, taking his tray away and waiting another few moments for Allen to follow suit. It wouldn't be smart to bring Isobel with them for this, he had said that he could handle it on his own even, but the beansprout wanted to be there for moral support. He couldn't understand why though.
"There you are Kanda, thank you for coming by as soon as you did. Allen, why are you here? Not that there's a problem with it." Rolling his eyes, he was motioned to sit down, refusing to instead lean his hip up against the side of the sofa. The floor had a few scattered pages littering it, but most of those looked like diagrams and loose drawings. A much better change to how it had been when all of them had been younger.
"He said he wants to be here for moral support, did the results come in? Is that why we're here?" He tried to show disinterest in learning what was happening with himself, even though nobody in the room would believe it for a moment.
"Alright, that's fine. We just got the results from your blood test back from the Asian branch, the system here crashed a few days ago and still isn't fixed, and I figured that you would like to hear the results." Nodding silently at the statement to show that he was only there and agreed to have the test done to know the results, who in their right mind would have a test done for no reason?
He wasn't prepared for the results despite having been trying to get himself ready for either result the past few days.
"It came back positive, you are in fact pregnant Kanda. The approximation for the time of conception is within the last five weeks." His eyes had to have been wide in shock, and how he couldn't keep his mind on the words or hear the ones after them showed how poorly the information hit him. He's pregnant again, there's a baby of some state inside his body and they're practically growing every second.
He's pregnant with his dead husband's second child. He'd be doing it completely alone this time.
Feeling arms wrap around his torso from behind, he recognized the solidity and stiffness of the beansprout's left arm. He could feel himself calm down after a few more moments, finally getting it through his head that he wasn't alone. He has Isobel still, and Allen would probably try to help him like the idiot had done many times before.
"Now for the decision on your status. Since it wasn't very smart to keep you on the active duty list last time you are being given a year, the rest of your term as well as enough time after to get used to the child before sending you on short missions. More can be figured out as time and your condition progresses." Nodding again to show that he both heard and understood he figured that he could use the time to help train and watch the current four children at headquarters. At least while he has the ability to. "And Allen, as you seem to be the most suited to help him through this, you'll be given shorter missions periodically for the foreseeable future, most often sent through the ark to assist other missions if needed." Now that wasn't expected, but it wasn't like he wanted to complain about it. At least now he didn't need to handle the sprout's gremlin daughter alone constantly and he'd have the ability to relax.
"I understand, thank you Komui." Hearing the voice from behind him, he felt himself being released from the previous hug as the both of them were dismissed from the room. The walk to the training rooms was almost completely silent, and for once he hated it. Getting into the room, he could see Isobel going at it with Ryuuji, the other two kids sitting to the side watching. The moment she saw him, he watched his daughter quickly take the boy down instead of prolonging the spar. It seemed like the group of them split after that moment, himself and Isobel moving to the opposite side of the room as the beansprout and his kids. Sitting down on the steps and waiting for the girl to follow, he tried to get his words together as well as he could to get the news across.
"Isobel, you're going to be a big sister." He was almost knocked over by the sheer force of the hug he was given, able to feel the girl cling to him for a few moments. It was big news for the both of them, and he was glad that the girl accepted it freely. After a bit he moved back to the other side of the room, meaning to meditate but getting distracted by the group of five that were sparring in the center of the room. It wasn't long before Kyō came over to him, and he didn't mind it when the small boy fell asleep against his leg. Maybe this would turn out alright.