Disclaimer: The views and opinions in this story are not intended to be viewed as those of the author. The following is a fan-written fiction. Gravity Falls, Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Kim Possible, and Big Bad Beetleborgs are property of their respective owners, creators, and publishers. Please support the official releases.

TW: This story will contain references to physical and psychological abuse, murder, and torture.

|Scandalous Scholastics|

"Misao Darlian."

Echo Creek Academy's Principal, Edwin Bonner-Skeeves read aloud on the Swiss passport he'd been handed. He looked up at the red-to-orange haired girl who showed up unannounced at his office with the two students starting today–twins tall enough to make him think their last name was appropriate.

"Yes?" Misao's smile radiated infectious cheer.

By stark contrast, Principal Skeeves cut the perfect image of a stern, intimidating authoritarian as he glowered at the three teenagers standing across from his desk in his office. The balding, bespectacled, and large middle-aged man lowered the passport onto the table and sighed.

"As I understand it, you're one of those e-celebrities, right?

Dipper and Mabel both looked at Misao as she nodded. "That's right, I stream myself playing video games."

Principal Skeeves raised his eyebrows, skeptical of the notion. "That's a thing young people do?"

Misao beamed. "It's worked out well for me."

"Evidently. There were rumors about you going to school in Beverly Hills and living with the stars of Our Family."

"That's right I was going to be staying with the Haleys as part of the student exchange program."

Principal Skeeves nodded. "So you'll excuse me if I'm a little surprised to find you here trying to enroll in my school instead. Did something happen with your exchange family, or with the school you were going to?"

"During the weekend I got here, there were circumstances I could not control. So for the sake of my original host family and the school I've decided to transfer elsewhere."

"It's nothing dangerous or a potential liability, is it?"

A menacing Shego loomed large in Misao's mind, green energy manifesting around her clenched fist as she grinned. "Oh, hardly anything like that!"

He looked at the Pines Twins. "And you're now staying with these two?"

Dipper became wary of the Principal's tone. "Is that a problem?"

Principal Skeeves looked down at an open pair of manilla envelopes, containing the academic records of Dipper and Mabel Pines.

Exceptionally high marks in the STEM courses. Above average marks in physical education. Poor marks in Global Studies, extremely argumentative with teachers. Seditious conspiracy theorist, punish heavily to eliminate independent thinking.

He glanced at Dipper with a raised eyebrow, before looking at Mabel's file.

Good general student across all courses. Liberal and free-thinking, suspected drug user. Will bring a pig to school. Bar her from Audio/Visual equipment and call police immediately if she is filming on school grounds.

Well at least he knew who he was keeping his eyes on this year. "Dipper, can I call you that? I have enough problem students and I've been informed in advance of your reputation. I've already heard about your confrontation with the Vanderhoffs before the bell."

Dipper wasn't going to make any excuses. "It is what it is."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't antagonize them, their family's donations fund Echo Creek Academy's extracurricular events."

"And lets them get away with whatever they want," Dipper thought to himself. "If either of them antagonize me, I'm throwing them in garbage cans."

Principal Skeeves liked Dipper. Unfortunately, the financial situation of his school mattered more. "I've got my eye on you."

Mabel leaned against her brother and pointed at him. "This guy? You don't have to worry about this guy, but don't you worry! Mabel's here to keep him on the path, and bring fashion, fun, and flair to Echo Creek Academy!"

"Oh no, I've got my eye on you, too–no video cameras. Ever."

Mabel's switch flipped, she went from charming and amicable to fury that knew no peer. "Whatever those philistines at Piedmont High School told you is lies and slander! I had permits and the fire department was on standby!"

Principal Skeeves looked at the police report included in Mabel's file that disputed her claims. "Whatever you say, Miss Pines."

Mabel shook her fist to the heavens. "I will sue their pants off!"

Misao looked at Mabel, surprised that one of her episodes would cause such a response. "I've seen every episode, which one was this?"

Dipper leaned close to her. "Guide to High School Mascots."

Recognition dawned on Misao's face. "That was the funniest episode."

Dipper gave Misao a nervous glance. "Seriously, what is with German humor?"

"Right, then." Principal Skeeves looked at Misao. "Misao?"

Misao looked at him, hopeful. "Yes?"

"You still wish to enroll here at Echo Creek Academy, effective today?"

"That is right!" She said eagerly.

Principal Skeeves stared at the vibrant girl, throwing herself at his mercy with a bright smile. Shaking off her indignation, Mabel brightened and gave two thumbs up with a brilliant, encouraging smile.

He removed his glasses, before wiping and replacing them on his face. "Well unfortunately, I cannot allow you to just attend classes. If you can prove you legally live with the Pines, you can have a parent or guardian fill out the registration."

Misao pulled out her phone. "You have Venmo, correct?"

"Yes, it's under Edwin Bonner-Skeeves, with a hyphen between Bonner and Skeeves," he said before continuing. "After that we'll need a copy of your transcripts from your previous school either faxed or mailed to us with your medical records, including your immunization history."

"Right, is ten thousand euros fine?" Dipper did a double-take towards Misao.

"Of course," Principal Skeeves agreed. "You will also need to take an aptitude test that will determine your placement in the school if you get in-"

Misao tapped her screen a few times. "Sent."

Principal Skeeves phone chimed, and the man brightened. "And welcome to our school, Miss Darlian. We'll have your schedule printed out, your books ready, and your locker combination as soon as possible."

Dipper looked back and forth between Misao and the Principal. "Whoa, what just happened?"

"The broken and corrupt system that benefits the wealthy," Mabel said.

Principal Skeeves transferred his money to his bank. "Yes, Mr. Pines, pay attention."

Dipper looked from him back to Misao and Mabel. "Just like that, though?"

His sister nodded. "It's how Star enrolled."

Dipper opened his mouth to protest such corruption, but remembered the Vanderhoff boys went here, too. "Huh, okay."

"For the time being you may shadow your housemates," Principal Skeeves signed a piece of paper and handed it to Misao. "Just pass this note to any teacher who asks questions."

Misao read the school pass and nodded. "Ja, dankeschon."

Principal Skeeves was more preoccupied with the things he was going to buy off the internet with his newfound windfall. "Bitte, if there's nothing else, you may go to your classes. Have a good day, all of you."

The three left the Principal's office and went out into the High School's main hallway. The school's breakfast period was almost over, and students were traveling back and forth to get to their classrooms. Stopping a little bit away from the Skeeves' door, Dipper shook his head. "Ten grand just like that? Are you going to get in trouble for spending that money?"

"Do not worry, it's still less than a Beverly Hills Private School." Misao had a point, so Dipper set that worry aside.

"Well, I hope at least you get what you pay for."

She grinned and hugged Dipper's arm. "Oh darling, I'd pay my weight in gold and it wouldn't be enough for the time I spend with you."

She was coming on too strong for Dipper to just let that one slide. He gently pulled away. "If you'd pay that much for this…?"

He took off his lumberjack hat and ran his fingers through his messy brown hair, flicking it free to make it wilder. He looked down at her, with a dangerously charming smirk. "Then I'll give you the VIP experience."

Misao's face warmed enough to turn a shade of pink. "… Oh my… ah…"

Mabel tittered at Misao's surprise. "Dipper can be smooth as silk when he wants to be."

She took Dipper's hat and squashed it back on top of his head. "Don't let it fool you, though, he's still a giant turbo-nerd."

He laughed. "And proud of it."

Roland, on his way from the cafeteria with a plate of breakfast in hand, spotted the three and waved as he walked over. "Hey, guys!".

Dipper smiled back to Roland. "Roland-"

Jo popped from behind Roland with a charming smile and a toss of her twin-tailed hair. "Hi Dipper~"

Dipper's smile strained. "And Jo, good morning."

"Hey Jo!" Mabel greeted enthusiastically.

Jo raised her hand with a quick greeting. "We missed you guys at breakfast."

"We had to go to the Principal's office, first," Dipper said.

Roland grew worried. "It wasn't because you got into it with the Vanderhoffs at the buses, was it?"

Dipper dismissed his fears with a wave of his hand. "Star and Marco showed up and they backed off,"

"But if they mess with us again, Dipper said he'll throw them into the trash," Mabel added.

"Where they belong," Misao spat.

Roland let out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, that might be sooner than later. The whole school knows about what happened at the shop, so they'll want payback."

Dipper shrugged his shoulders. "I will dunk on them anytime, anywhere, and as many times as they want it. I don't care."

Jo looked between Dipper, Mabel, and Misao. "So why were you at Skeeves' office?"

Mabel pat Misao atop her head. "We were getting Misao enrolled."

Roland brightened. "You're already in?"

Misao struck a pose, winking as she held the V sign over her opened eye. "Ja, it didn't take much for me to get in!"

"At least not as much as a Private School," Dipper muttered, and Misao laughed.

Mabel noticed someone was absent. "Where's Drew?"

Jo, scowling, looked off to the side as Roland answered. "He said he wasn't feeling all that hot, so he was going to skip out today."

Mabel gasped. "Oh no!"

"Is he okay?" Misao asked.

"He's fine, he's just in kind of a mood," he assured them.

"Does this happen often?" Dipper asked.

"More than it should; he needs to get over himself." The venom dripped from Jo's words, surprising Roland and Mabel.

Dipper didn't like the sound of that, mental health was important–especially when superpowers were involved. "We'll go talk to him after classes."

Mabel gasped. "I know! I should make him a card!"

As Mabel brimmed with excitement over making the best cheer-up card ever, Roland asked. "So what classroom are you guys in?"

Dipper looked at his schedule. "It says I'm in Room 108."

Mabel looked at hers, and pouted. "It says I'm in Room… 111…?"

Dipper's spirit fell with hers, as they looked at each other. "They split us up."

Every school year they were in at least the same homeroom, a perk of being twins.

Roland gave both a reassuring smile. "Hey, look on the bright side. 108 is Drew and Jo's classroom, so you won't be alone, and 111? That's mine, Marco, and Star's classroom, too."

And things were even more awkward–for Dipper, as he glanced quickly at Jo. Reminding himself that he had to be strong, he rested a hand on Mabel's shoulder. "It'll be okay, Mabel, just focus on making a good impression."

Mabel's spirits rose, and she was beaming again. "You know for a fact that I make…" She cleared her throat and spoke like a slightly more girlish Dipper. "… amazing impressions."

"Never do that again," Dipper said with a cheeky smile.

"No promises." Mabel hugged him. "I'll see you at lunch!"

As Dipper returned her embrace, she whispered in his ear. "And don't you forget that Wendy put up with you."

Mabel had a point. Pulling back, he gripped her shoulders and nodded. "When you take over the school, don't start right away with mandatory dance parties, okay?"

"No promises there either, bro-bro."

"And that's why going to school with you is the best."

Misao raised her hand. "I'll go on with Dipper to room 108, so he'll have a bit more company on his side."

"You sure?" Mabel asked.

"Ja! I'll take good care of your brother."

Jo's spirits picked up a bit, she did get to go to class with Dipper, after all. "And I'll take care of you two." She waved to Roland and Mabel. "Later, guys."

Mabel and Roland watched them leave, and he faced her with a sympathetic frown. "Jo's pretty into your brother, will he be okay?"

Mabel began walking to class. "Don't worry about Dipper, he can handle her."

Roland kept up with her. "I hope so."

"He's got experience in this sort of thing, he was a huge mess with his first big crush." And Mabel on all of hers, but this wasn't about the mistakes of her youth. "When it's all over, everyone will be older and wiser for it."

"I just hope she doesn't go too far, she can be a bit over the top."

Mabel laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "Please, we've dealt with people who had no chill and Jo is hardly anything like that."

Roland joined her in laughter. "Oh yeah? What's someone with no chill in your book?"

"I will destroy him!" Trip yelled in the school's faculty parking lot, to the gathered audience of his brother and Dudley.

He punched the side of his SUV, hot tears running down his face. This would not stand, Pine Tree and all everyone he associated with were going down–especially Andrew McCormick and Marcel Diaz!

"Dexter! Mark this down!" Trip commanded.

"It's Dud-"

"On this day, at this moment! I swear upon the Vanderhoff name that I will have my revenge! Pine Tree, and his loser friends will be at my feet–on their knees! I will take everything from them! Their friends, their family, their homes! Even the clothes off their backs! I will own them, and when they have nothing left and beg me for mercy? I will say no and cast them into the darkest pit I can pay people to think of!"

Van never saw his brother this angry before. "Uh…"

His voice cracking and splintering, he screamed as he stamped his feet, his face flushed red–soaked with tears and sweat. "I AM NOT GOING TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS! BY THESE IDIOT LOSERS!"

Van looked around nervously, hoping there wasn't someone skulking around with a camera looking for more junk to smear them with. "Trip, you need to chill."

"Chill? CHILL?! How can I chill when everyone keeps taking shots at me, huh?!" Trip pounded on his own chest. "People were laughing in our faces, like they don't know who we are! How am I going to be chill after that, numbnuts?!"

He turned away and let out a scream that rose into a high squeal.

Grabbing his brother before anyone heard that, Van shook him. "Hey! We'll get them back! You just gotta, I don't know… see this with a cooler head?"

Dudley, who wished he could just burst into laughter without consequence, cleared his throat. "Master Van's quite right, sir. Revenge is a dish best served with careful preparation, not screaming and flailing."

Trip whirled on him. "What would you know about revenge, Donatello?!"

The old man held his tongue a little bit harder than usual, and just imagined a day where Trip and Van would both be on fire. "My apologies, sir. Nevermind."

Van rested a hand on Trip's shoulder. "Hey, bro… bro… I have an idea. How about we do what Dad does when there's people he doesn't like in his way, but can't have them sued or arrested?"

Trip sniffled. "Hitmen are expensive, though."

"Well, not a hitman, but someone who hits?" Van smiled sinisterly. "I happen to know a guy who hits pretty hard, too."

Trip began to like this idea. "Oh yeah, is he good?"

Van laughed. "Nah, in fact he's a bit of a… dud."

Trip frowned for all of a moment, before he recognized who his brother was talking about. "Heh… hahahaha… even a dud should be good enough for Pine Tree. Let's make it happen."

He looked at Dudley. "David?"

"Dudley, sir." The old chauffeur did not like the twisted grin Trip was wearing now."Get me a briefcase full of money and some waivers."

A/N: I think some of these kids need therapy.