So, this was supposed to be the last chapter but since Tiffanny Smithi (thanks for your review btw) asked, there will be one more chapter. One that will follow the canon story. With the banishment and all you know. It will be mostly Thorin's POV but also the Company's a little. 'Kay? Great! Either way, enjoy this!

Memories

It felt like awakening after an awful nightmare, like a bucket of iced water was thrown right at you. Waking up from dragon sickness was not a pleasant thing, actually it was one of the worst experiences Thorin ever had. But no matter that, he was glad to have awakened. Hot tears leaked down his cheeks as he finally admitted to himself that he fell for the same madness he has despised in his grandfather. He couldn't remember the things he did and said for the last few days and he hoped it was nothing too drastic.

(He skilfully ignored the dark part of his mind that called him a monster, a murderer. He had not killed anyone! Right?)

Thorin could hear his company muttering angrily and yelling, he could hear the battle going out outside, screams of pain, war cries, Black Speech. He wondered why the hell they were hiding inside Erebor while a battle was outside their door. Gathering all his courage, he threw the extravagant crown on a pile of gold and turned to face his family and friends.

He had lost all of the rights he had to reign when he lost himself to the gold sickness and knew he wasn't deserving of their loyalty, but he tried. "I know I have no right to ask this of you, any of you, but would you follow me? One last time?" He was shocked when he was faced with blank stares and tear stained cheeks. He didn't want to think about what he had done to make them so… hollow.

His nephew Fili stood. His heir, his source of joy and worry alongside Kili, looked at him so brokenly that Thorin almost started weeping again. "I will follow you Thorin. I will follow you because... he asked me to not hold any grudges against you for what you did when mad. I will follow you for him."

The King Under the Mountain heard the break in Fili's voice but he didn't ask. He felt that it would not be received well. But he wondered who he was talking about, and why he was talking about that person in the past tense.

He had no time to think about it as they broke the hurried replacement of a door they made.

(Somehow, it felt like someone was missing. He couldn't understand. His mind was blank and his memory a black hole.)

They fought like enraged. His company fought like they were trying to pour all sorrows in the battle. With no time to ponder on it, he, his nephews and Dwalin went to Ravenhill to cut the snake's head off. It seemed that in a blink of eye, Azog had his hand on his blond-haired heir and tried to kill him. He almost did and would have, if not for the arrow of a she-elf crashing into the arm holding Fili. Thorin could only watch as Dis's eldest son fell on the hard cold ground. He could only hope. Thankfully, Kili was intrigued by all the screaming and got out of the tower and away from Azog.

Azog and Thorin fought again one on one, with all of their respective fury. Thorin buried the Pale orc under the ice, watching him slowly die. Suddenly, and with a violence never felt before, all the memories came rushing back. He could see it all. The dragon, the armoury, the mithril shirt, the acorn, the death… The death he caused. Thorin slowly turned his palms upwards, seeing red blood, blood that was Bilbo's, staining his hands. What have I done? What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?! He started screaming as pain rippled him. Both in the foot Azog just stick his sword in and his heart who understood now what Fili was talking about. He had caused the death of his burglar, of a member of his company, of his friend. He felt before he saw the sword entering his chest before numbly thinking he could not let anymore of his family by the hand of that defiling monster, and immediately he ran Orcrist through his killer. He watched Azog's eyes widen before he fell on the ground dead. With dark humour, he thought he managed to kill two monsters in the same time, Azog and himself.

Thorin fell too. Now on his back, he felt tears leaking again as he remembered the last words Bilbo whispered to him. "I forgive you Thorin. I forgive you. You're my friend no matter what. I believe in you." He had choked out before the king's hand grabbing his neck went slack and he dove across the sky until his body connected with the ground. All Thorin could hear was these whispers and the deafening crunch Bilbo's body made as he laid there dying. As he drew his last breaths, the Lord of Silver Fountains apologized even if no-one was around to hear it.

Bofur, Bombur, Bifur, I'm so sorry I took a brother from you. He should have lived to meet your mother and Bombur's children. He should have lived many more years with you.

Gloin, Oin, Ori, Dori, Nori, I'm sorry I took your friend. I know you were all close to him. He was family to you all even if it was the Ur family who officially adopted him. Gloin you could have made him meet your family, and Oin you could have treated him when he was sick and been an ear who'd listen when he needed. Ori, you could have talked about books and writing with him, while Dori, you would have talked about teas and fussed over him, then Nori, you would have taught him dangerous tricks and some of the job of a burglar. I'm sorry I deprived you of all this. I am sorry I was such a horrible leader. I don't deserve to be your king.

Balin, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. You were my counsellor and yet I've not listened to you. I was so afraid of falling under the gold sickness, but you always said that I wouldn't if I kept my family in mind. I'm sorry I haven't. I was always afraid of disappointing you and no matter what, it's always what I do. I'm sorry you never got to show the library to Bilbo like you wanted since you learnt he was a scholar.

Dwalin my shield brother, my best friend, I'm sorry I treated you like dirt. I threw your advices in the trash and your friendship with it. I don't deserve you and all you've done for me. I'm sorry you never got to train Bilbo in swordsmanship like you wanted since he saved me.

Fili, Kili, my sister-sons, I'm sorry I wasn't there often when you were kids. I'm sorry I couldn't save your father. I'm sorry I had to expect so much of you. I'm sorry I took your childhood and innocence too soon. I'm sorry I stole your brother in arms, your partner in crime. I'm sorry you didn't make him meet Dis. I'm sorry that I push such a big responsibility in your arms Fili, but I know you'll be a great king. I'm sorry I couldn't be the father you needed. I'm sorry I haven't said that I love you more often. I only hope that you know it.

Dis, my dear, dear sister, I'm sorry I couldn't protect your husband. I'm sorry I took your sons on this quest. I'm sorry that because of me, they will never be the same mischievous dwarves they were before this. I'm sorry you never got to meet Bilbo. I'm sorry I'm leaving without goodbyes. I love you.

Bilbo Baggins, I'm so sorry I killed you in my madness. You didn't deserve to die, you were meant to live many other happy years with your family, to go back to Bag-End and plant that acorn, to go back to your books, to your armchair, to your garden. Because of me you never will. I cannot even begin to say how sorry I am. I only hope you're in Yavanna's gardens, reunited with your parents now. I would have loved to see you once more, to beg for your forgiveness, but our two afterworlds are different ones and it is probable that I never see hair or foot of you. Even if I did, it would be logical that you don't want to see me. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold like you did, it would be a merrier world.

With those last thoughts, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, closed his eyes and reached for eternal peace as eagles flew across the blue sky.

The End

A/N: As I said there will be another chapter with Bilbo being only banished. So, I guess there will be another chapter. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.