Chapter 28
Levi X – Hell Yes
Out of the one hundred and fifty soldiers, only seventy-one made it out alive.
He is so tired and drained, but whenever he closes his eyes, he sees nothing but those Titans with his soldiers' blood spilling from their mouths. He could not stomach the sight. What good is strength if he cannot save his men? What good is being a Captain if he has dead subordinates?
At least his own squad is alive. Those snotty brats get to live another day with their parents and families.
In the silence of his room, he is grateful to have lived another life as well, but still curses his inability to save others. He limps from the bathroom to the living room, small and cozy with a small couch in front of the fireplace, few furniture, and a narrow single bed pressed on the western wall. He groans with each limp, seeking purchase from the table, before easing himself on the couch. He throws his head against the back and lets the blazing fireplace warm his feverish skin.
Too tired to stare at the ceiling, he forces himself to shut his eyes.
His cheeks are strangely wet when he wakes up again.
He forces himself to straighten on the couch, swallowing back the pained grunts. He looks out the window: snowing again, strong gust of winds that are clattering his window from its paneling. The fire is still burning in the fireplace. He puts one hand on his left shoulder and traces a fingertip over the new, more proper stitches. A courtesy from the lady in the infirmary.
He grunts one more time as he tugs at his shirt. No matter how cold it is, he wears a thin white shirt, all the buttons opened, revealing his bandaged shoulder and torso. The pain in the back of his head returns like a bitch, pounding through his skull.
For fuck's sake, give me a break.
He drops his head into his hands and digs his fingernails to the scalp, desperate to get the nagging ache out for at least a few minutes. He grinds his teeth and breathes like a woman in labor. Fuck. Then again, his soldiers suffered more than a headache and an injury.
When someone knocks, he raises his head from his hands and glares at the door to his right. What kind of annoying brat would be knocking on his door in the middle of the night? That better not be Hange with another one of her shenanigans. The last time he checked, the researcher suffers from a scraped head and a few bruises. She should be resting, not bothering him.
"Come in," Levi says, voice hoarse from all the pained grunts earlier.
The door opens slightly.
A slight figure in a Military Police trench coat steps into the room, shuts the door, and presses herself against the wood. Head bowed, eyes cast on the wooden floor.
Levi's breath hitches in his throat. He has been too choked up on his injuries to remember what happened earlier that morning, before they reached the outpost and he blacked out from exhaustion.
Sieglinde appears before him like a child asked to be in a principal's office. In the Captain's eyes, she looks rather pale, with dark bags under her eyes, thinner cheeks. Why did he never notice this morning?
It riles him to think that she has been mistreated during her time in the MPs. He sets his jaw, thinking of many creative ways to knock the teeth of whoever did this to her. And Erwin−he'd shake that Blondie out of his pride and take Signe back.
He waits for her to say something. After all, she did knock. She wants to be here for some reason.
But she is not saying anything. Just keeping her head bowed like an idiot. His eyebrow twitches, knowing that she is back in her little meek self. He heaves another deep sigh to keep his temper at bay. Barking an insult to someone he has not seen in weeks would be a bad place to start.
"Hey," he calls out, voice softer than usual.
"C-Captain…" she murmurs. Her gloved hands fiddle with the ties of her coat. "I came as soon as the nurse in the infirmary told me you didn't want to stay there… How are your wounds?"
"More or less fine." He shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant to the sharp pain throbbing in his shoulder. He bites back a groan and glances at her through his bangs. She is still not looking at him, the idiot. "We encountered a major problem on our way back. But I can see you had that sorted out for us."
"Yes," she whispers. "I was on the Wall when the cannons fired."
"Pray tell me−how did a Scout, and then an MP, get into Garrison territory?" he muses.
Her blue eyes gleam mischievously. "This is why you should be friendly," she says, complacent. "You have to be careful and kind with all sorts of people, old and young, rich and poor, soldiers or not, because you never know when you need people of certain kinds."
He snorts. "You are wicked."
"I merely befriended the guys at the Garrison," she says, rolling her shoulders a little. That little gesture never fails to entice him in a way. "And Commander Pixis is a friend of Erwin's."
He rolls his eyes at her haughtiness and thinks back on all the days he spent imagining should this day come. He and Signe together again. He made a promise to himself before the expedition, did he not? So where is it now? He frowns at himself. Maybe if he is not so injured that he is almost limping, he might have the courage to talk about this.
"Where are you hurt?"
"Shoulder," he mutters, putting his right hand on his left shoulder. "And I have bitch ass headache."
Sieglinde giggles, the hearty sound muffled by her gloves.
Levi raises a single eyebrow as he watches her face light up in amusement. It has been so painfully long when it comes to her. He is so tired he could not even share her amusement. The weights of his soldiers' deaths are still keeping him down. He needs an anchor to keep himself from drowning. He needs something−or someone−to hold onto.
"I want to hold you," he says, before he even realizes it.
Her eyes widen with confusion.
He clamps his mouth shut, but the damage has been done.
Damn it. Better own up to it like a man.
"Come here," Levi whispers, holding out his hand. "Let me hold you."
She hesitates for a moment, but then moves forward. She approaches with caution, and stops before the couch, towering over the Captain and blocking the light of the fireplace. Her deep blue eyes gloss over his features, and he knows that she is counting every scratch, remembering every bruise, that he has on his neck, shoulders, and even torso. Her lips purse at something she sees, and her fingers lightly brush away the strands of his bangs from his face.
Levi basks at the attention, something so unlike him. After an entire day of blood and death, he would want to bask in the feeling of being alive. To be cared for. To know that, despite the awful person that he is, someone still cares. How long has it been since someone cared for him like this?
He tips his head back for her inspection, sighing at the touch of her fingertips tracing the curve of his jaw. He closes his eyes, almost in pleasure, when she brushes his eyelashes and runs the pad of her thumb over the apple of his cheek. Her other hand goes under his chin, tilting his head even backwards, and his eyes shoot open, finding hers still concentrated on his face. His brows furrow. What is she seeing?
Those deep blue eyes land on his blue-grey. A fleeting glance, before she smiles softly and releases his chin. She pries the collar of his shirt open, inspecting the extent of his bandages.
She clicks her tongue in disapproval. "Disgusting, Captain."
A rumble of husky laughter comes from his throat. "I know."
"What happened?"
"Thrown against a branch." He shrugs. "Sharp branch."
"I wanted you to be careful," she whispers, rolling a lock of his bangs over her finger.
Levi nods, focusing on her touches. She remains standing, still blocking the fireplace, but with her so close, the room already feels warmer. She wears a fur-trimmed coat, luxuriously so, no doubt a Military Police courtesy. Bastards up north are always privileged asses. She looks so soft and warm and just−
Wordlessly, he wraps his arms around her hips. He pulls her closer until he could bury his face into the fabric of her coat. He inhales the gentle vanilla-like scent and relaxes against her. He is partially aware that he is pressing his face against her belly like some old pervert−though when Sieglinde's hands embrace him behind the head, as if pulling him closer still, his misgivings are gone.
He sighs and keeps holding her like this, a physical reminder that he is alive. They are both alive. He gets to live another day and spend it with her. If only they could stay like this, if they could only forget the Scouts, it would have been enough for him.
But they are still soldiers, first and foremost.
Such thoughts are equal to betrayal.
Sieglinde pulls away first. She combs her fingers through his hair again. "You should get some rest."
"I don't want to," he argues, reminding himself of a spoiled brat.
"Why not?" She notes the heaviness in his eyelids, the shadows under them.
"Nightmares," he answers, honest enough. "You should know how they are."
"Just a quick nap, then?" she tries, smiling down at him.
"I can manage without sleep."
"If you can manage−" she says, stepping away from his reach, much to his dismay−"I could go and leave you on your own now." She glances at the closed door. "I might have sneaked out of the headquarters in Mitras to get here. If anyone finds out I'm gone, I should be with Erwin for my defense."
He takes the fold of her coat. "Since when did you start caring about making troubles?"
She laughs again. "You'd be surprised. I don't want to get in trouble with Commander Nile."
"Is he that awful?"
"No, but he's worse than Erwin." She chuckles and smooths down his rumpled hair. "Go to sleep."
"Stay here with me." He tugs at her coat, his eyes imploring her to stay. It has been weeks and he would be damned straight to hell if he lets another Commander take her away. "Besides, it's midnight. You cannot go out there in the middle of a blizzard." His hold on her tightens. "Stay, Signe."
Something else flickers in her eyes. Hesitation again. Just when he thinks they already put it behind them, she is still too cautious to get close to him again. Perhaps this is his fault. He handled their last night very poorly with his anger and frustration in the way of rational thinking and prioritizing her well-being.
He lets go of her coat. He couldn't force her if she doesn't want to.
"Is it all right?" Sieglinde murmurs.
He widens his eyes at her.
"I-I mean," she stammers, fidgeting and gaze flitting here and there, "this is your room, and maybe−"
"What, worried about the others?" He groans aloud, and that stops her from squirming. "Fuck the others. I do not have the energy to keep worrying about what others could say. If you don't want to stay, that's fine by me." He pauses at ranting. Then mutters, "It was only a suggestion."
Sieglinde gives a little sigh and removes her coat. She wears the standard Military Police uniform underneath, minus the brown jacket. She sits on the other end of the couch and yawns, rubbing at her eyes. Her cheeks flush as she seems to pout at her own sleepiness.
The Captain grunts, his wounds pulsing with white-hot pain, and eases himself across the couch. His head comes to rest on Sieglinde's lap, raven hair fanning over her thighs. He sighs and smooths his cheek over her lap, feeling her warmth and the softness of her skin underneath. He wonders if she is soft all over as she always looks. Then he berates himself for thinking about such stupid things.
Once more, her hand finds its way on his hair, petting him delicately like a kitten. It feels strange to have someone acting so affectionately towards him. Such a foreign, but not unwanted feeling. To be held. To be watched over. Years in the Underground meant it was him doing all the caring and watching over−his comrades, his friends.
Now, it is him being cared for.
This is nice, he thinks, closing his eyes. She's so warm.
He rolls over the couch, so that his nose is almost pressing on her belly again. The hand keeps petting him, and it slowly lulls him to sleep. I could get used to this. He tucks his hands to his chest and curls up.
Sieglinde moves a little, and then there is a blanket over his form, tucked under his chin. Her fingers brush more strands away from his sleeping face. She even hums quietly. A gentle little lullaby. Possibly from her childhood? A song that Erwin might have sung to her when she was younger? She hums and yawns and pets his hair and−
She sneezes.
His head bounces on her lap. "What the shit, Signe?"
"Ugh. Sorry!" She rubs at her nose. "I'll have you know it is a natural response to cold weather."
Damn it.
He smirks.
I love her.
He wakes up with a satisfied hum, still in the middle of the night. This must be the best sleep he has had ever since he joined the Survey Corps. Judging from the clattering window and blazing hearth, it has only been a short while, two hours at most, since he fell asleep. He feels fuzzy all over, curled up on his side and buried under a blanket. He catches a few more minutes of nap before feeling the first signs of pain in his shoulder, the raw flesh of his wound spasming around the stitches.
Slowly, he opens his eyes and looks up. Signe is asleep, her head resting against the couch's backrest. He feels a bit guilty for leaving her in such an uncomfortable position, and then sits up. Despite his careful movements, the young woman wakens.
"Levi?" she mewls, his sleepy little kitten.
"Did I wake you?" He angles her face towards him, holding her by the chin. She shakes her head, eyes still closed. He chuckles at her childlike stubbornness. "It's early. Go back to sleep." He removes the blanket from his form and drapes it over her. "Take the bed."
"Where are you going?" She takes him by the hem of his shirt.
"My wounds need washing." He stands and stretches his arms, half-groaning in sleepiness and pain.
"Do you need help with that?"
He stops his stretching and turns around to her. This time, he is the one standing while she is sitting on the couch. This time, he has the view of her looking all sleepy, her silver hair tousled and her cheeks flushed from the cold night. He steps closer and puts a finger under her chin, angling her face up for his inspection. Sleepy as she is, she complies, eyelashes fluttering at him. He fights the strong urge to lean down for her.
He steps back, dropping her chin without grace. "Come on, then."
Sieglinde rises from the couch and fetches everything she would need for the task. It only takes a few minutes to warm the water in a kettle. Levi, still limping, finds himself clean rolls of bandages, washcloths, and a shirt from his pack. He sits by the table near the window as the young woman returns to him cradling a bowl with the warm water.
The Captain locks gazes with her, as he removes his opened shirt. He lets it slip off his tired arms and fall into a heap on the floor. He could collect it later. Next, he unhooks the old bandages around his torso and removes it using thumb and forefinger, disgusted at the combination of dried blood and herbal ointment. The bandages join the shirt on the floor.
He cranes his neck and glares down on the raw flesh, still fresh and oozing with slivers of blood. Utterly disgusting. If he had known injuries could be this messy, he would have taken more care.
Before him, Sieglinde sits gaping.
"Well?" he prompts, eyebrow raised.
"Well what?" she asks, a bit breathless.
"Aren't you going to wash me?" His tone transitions from annoyed to somewhat teasing.
"But−" She blushes in an instant. Against her pale skin, the rosy hue appears quite endearing.
"Tch. Don't be a stranger now," Levi mocks, resting his chin on the heel of his palm. "You really need to work on your lying skills. I know you have been staring at my chest for some time now."
The blush deepens to a darker shade of red and she squirms in her seat. He smirks, pleased to see the usually fierce combat instructor sputtering like a little schoolgirl with a crush. He understands the sentiment, but then he fetches the damp washcloth from the bowl, and throws it to her face.
"Wash me."
"L-Levi?!"
"You heard me," he growls.
"But… But…"
"What, you like butts?"
She blushes and squirms again.
Levi stares blankly at her squirming.
"Hey." He splashes the warm water at her face. Stop being adorable. "Wash me."
"Fine, Captain." Signe sighs in defeat and drags her chair closer to him. Levi spreads his legs and reaches out for her chair, dragging it few inches forward, until her knees are tucked between his legs. He rests left arm on the table, and the other hanging uselessly at his side.
She dips the washcloth to the bowl and wrings the excess water out. She starts at his face, making gentle sweeping movements over his forehead, cheeks, bridge of his nose, and jaw. The Captain closes his eyes and allows himself get lost in the sensations that she is giving him. For the first time in many years, a sensation he finds wonderful and pleasurable.
Her hand gently washes at his neck and collarbones. Levi tilts his neck to give her better access, and it seems the gesture is making her blush even more, too. What the hell, he thinks. Her blushes come easier these days. But he is not really complaining−not when she leans closer, a hand on his nape to keep herself steady, and carefully wipes around his stitches.
Breath whistles between his gritted teeth. She flinches and searches for his face.
"Painful?" she murmurs, a bit frightened.
"Stings," he says, willing himself composure. "Don't stop."
She nods, dips the washcloth, and wrings the water out again. She continues from his shoulder and further south, to his chest and his torso. Muscles ripple with each breath he takes. With her so close, he has the best view to watch her take little breaths, her fingers nervously clutching the cloth.
"I wanted you to be careful," she scolds, never missing an inch of his skin. "You were careless."
He closes his eyes and sees the fields wet and red with blood. "I know." He exhales. "Sorry."
She checks at his face, alert at the sudden quietness.
Then her hand sweeps at his navel, washing away the sweat. By the time she is finished, his skin is glistening against the orange glow of the flames, looking more and more iridescent. He sits back and watches her switch the wet cloth for a new one, to dry the excess dampness. She starts from his face to chest again, and then retrieves the clean roll of bandages for his wounds. Levi turns on his chair to give her access to his side and back, drumming his fingers on the table. Sieglinde has been touching him the entire night that his fingers are all but desperate to do the same.
She helps with him his new shirt, and then gathers the old bandages and shirt from the floor. The Captain is caught a bit off-guard to see her acting so domestic all of a sudden. Sure, they were in her house before, but Irene Smith did all the housework with her daughter helping with the lighter chores. Strange.
He opens and closes his fists, mustering some sort of courage. When she sits across from him on the table again, eyes still heavy lidded from sleep, Levi takes her by the hand. That wakes her up in an instant.
"Signe," he starts, letting his words do the work before his mind catches up and sends red flags. "Do you remember our last day in Wall Rose?" Sieglinde nips at her bottom lip. He scowls at himself for letting a little bite distract his thoughts. "That day, we had a conversation. Do you remember?"
"Yes," she whispers, almost sounding terrified.
"And that same night, we had another, albeit rougher, way of dealing it," he says slowly. His heart is pounding in his ears and he swallows the lump in his throat. He has never done anything like this before. He has never been the articulate one like Furlan. "I told you then… I told you then that I like you," he drawls out the words, tasting them in his tongue. "But just this morning, I told you that I love you."
"Levi−" She puts her other hand over his own, gone cold from his nervousness. "What are you saying?"
"Well, what I'm trying to say here, first and foremost−I'm sorry." Then he notices the drop in her eyes and shoulders and realizes he chose the wrong words again. He flinches and grabs her hand. "No, no, damn it, I did not mean that apology for this morning! I mean, I want to apologize for what I did to you that night."
He pauses, now the words are bitter in his tongue. "I hurt you. You told me to let go, but I did not. I hurt you, and no amount of apology can take that back, I know. And then… And then the rest of the conversation went haywire after that. I should have handled the situation better, but I did not, and for that I'm sorry again."
Damn it, getting good at apologizing, are we?
He swallows again. "What I said when I returned, I mean it. I mean those three words."
Sieglinde nods, looking at their hands on the table. Levi drags his chair closer until they are face-to-face, leans closer so that their noses are brushing against each other. He traps her between the table and his arm on the back of her chair. He sees the blue flecks in her eyes, the silvery hue of her hair from the fireplace. The hand on her chair comes up to her locks, stroking them from her eye level to the tips.
"You were right, then," he continues. "I was afraid to get close. I was so done getting close and having the people I care for taken away from me. My mother died when I was very young. My guardian left me without a word of goodbye. Furlan and Isabel…" He shakes his head, rolling her hair over his finger. "We are soldiers, and we live a very dangerous life. We never know what happens. We are always afraid during expeditions and afraid of the Titans. We are so afraid and careful that we tiptoe in life−but you don't, do you not, you little wild animal? You love the life you have, you live with no regrets, and Erwin−he taught me to never regret a decision in my life. Here's one now: a decision I would never regret."
He takes the deepest breath he has taken in his life.
"I love you. I love you more than my fear of expeditions and what tomorrows may bring. I love you more than my fear of getting hurt. I love you more than my insecurities and hesitations in life. So don't… please don't take these feelings for granted. I have never really done this before−" He glares pointedly−"and I'm not going through a second confession all over again, do you hear me?"
"Yes, yes, Captain, I hear you," she promises, smiling at his warm cheeks and pouted lips.
"But like I said," he sighs. "These are still dangerous times. Like today, there would be more dangerous expeditions in the future. I always promise to protect you and take care of you, but out there, we don't know what beyond the Walls would bring. So promise me−swear on me−that we would both be strong for each other. If one of us feels weak or is struggling, the other would have to step up and be their support."
Shit. His eyes are filling with tears. What's going on with him? He blinks them back.
"Okay? Can you promise me that?"
"Yes," she says breathlessly.
"And your answer?" he prompts, a bit nervous. "Is it a hell yes? Or a heavens no?"
"Hell yes." She laughs and pulls him for an embrace, and Levi comes along willingly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss on her cheek. She sobs against the slope of his neck. "I love you, Levi. We will take care of each other, I promise. I love you."
"Tch, I know, idiot. We already established that ages ago."
"Hmph. Fine, Mister Smartass." She draws back and sticks her tongue out at him.
"You're such a brat," he complains, staring blandly, but he does wipe the tears on her cheeks. "I'll have you know I'm not babysitting you in this relationship. I can't work and babysit at the same time."
She glows at the term relationship and hums in delight. "Yes, I understand. I have my own work to do anyway, so I don't think we would have that much spare time in our hands."
His face darkens. "Well, we find ways to make time for each other," he rules.
"By the way, shouldn't we tell Erwin and the others?" She cocks her head to the right, blinking.
"Erwin? Yes, of course. The others? Eh, no."
"Why not?"
"I don't want the others bothering us for gossips in the next few days."
"Got it, Captain."
"And I don't want you being handsy," he specifies, jabbing a finger at her face. "We are soldiers. Act like one at all the damn time. I won't have you throwing yourself all over me during work times." He knows this might be a harder rule for her to follow, given her nature. He sighs. "All manners of displays of affection are exclusively indoors. No lovey-dovey stuff where the cadets and Squad Leaders can see. I cannot handle all that giddy teenager stuff."
"How did I get stuck with such an old man?" she sighs and shakes her head.
"Hey! I'm not that much older than you, brat."
"Really?" She cocks her head to the left this time. "How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-three."
"Twenty-three?!" she shrieks and receives a smack upside the head. "Ow, Levi! What was that for?"
"You're being loud," he scolds. To be honest, he was never sensitive about his age−until now.
"I didn't mean it to be offensive. I just thought you don't look your age." She pouts at him, childish. "You look so young and neat and well-dressed all the time. And I don't mind any age gaps. If I wanted an older man, I could have already dated Mike."
He glares venomously. "You wouldn't dare."
She puts her hands up in defense. "I was joking! Sheesh, don't be so intense, Levi."
"I won't have you flaunting yourself to the other soldiers, if you must know," he warns.
"Yes, Captain." She salutes, fist to her heart.
"All right." He purses his lips and leans back on the chair. "Do you have anything for me?"
"Oh, no."
"No?" He blinks.
"I'm just happy to have you." She beams again. It warms his insides that he has never seen her this happy before. Not with Erwin or with Mike. It makes him happy to know that she is happy with him.
With that finished, Levi stands up from the chair and draws the curtains from the raging blizzard. He approaches the fireplace next and throws a few more wood to keep the flames bright and high, licking at the stone surface of the hearth. A small clock sits at the top shelf, informing him that it is two and a half hours after midnight. The night is still young. They could both catch up on some sleep.
He returns to her and pats her head. "It's still early," he mumbles. "Go back to sleep."
She yawns and stretches her arms. "And you? Are you gonna watch me sleep?"
He flicks his fingers on her forehead. "Heavens, no. I'm not some creepy old geezer."
"Ah, but Levi!" She tugs at his shirt and flashes her most innocent puppy eyes. "You're not going to sleep on that very nasty, very uncomfortable couch, are you? You're going to hurt yourself even more! And I have to take care of you, remember?" She squirms and blushes a little. "So, join me on the bed?"
Fucking hell. It is hard enough that she is pulling that sweet and innocent card at him, but the blushing? It makes him feel younger than his twenty-three years, to feel this kind of stuff that sappy teenagers feel for their significant others. Besides, he would be lying to himself if he were not curious what it feels like sharing a bed with the woman he likes, having never done that sort of shit before.
He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of smiling at the thought, though.
"Fine," he finally concedes, and Sieglinde's face brightens all the more. "But you sleep on the right side."
"Yes, Captain." She jumps to her feet and starts removing the leather belts around her body. When she struggles on the back part, Levi steps in to unbuckle the belts and slip them off her shoulders and arms. She unlaces her boots and, at his insistence, puts them away neatly to the side.
"Are you going to sleep in your uniform?"
"Well…" She fidgets, sheepish. "I have no other clothes. This is all I have with me."
"And you were lecturing me about the uncomfortable couch." He pulls out a drawer and flings one of his shirts and a pair of loose pants at her direction. "Change your clothes. Fold your uniform and put it on the bathroom sink. I'll have it washed with my other clothes."
"But," she mumbles, pressing his shirt against her nose and inhaling his scent. "If I leave for the Military Police tomorrow, I would need my uniform back. It won't dry quickly in this weather."
"I don't care about the Military Police. You're not sleeping in your work clothes, got it?"
"Oh, very well." She unfurls the black shirt and holds it up against her chest. Then she pauses and notices him staring at her, with his arms crossed and his hips resting on the table's edge. "Um, Levi? Do you mind?"
"No." He shrugs his shoulders. "Go on ahead."
"I mean−" She gulps. "Are you going to watch me undress?"
"What is the fuss about then?" He smirks in such a way he knows would infuriate her. "There's nothing to see on you anyway. Not that pretty, and your body's not that curvy for a woman. And your flat board chest−"
She throws one of the pillows to his face. "Shut up, Levi!" She turns her back to him and starts undressing where he could see.
The Captain, actually embarrassed that she is doing it before him, grumbles under his breath and curses himself for teasing her to do this. He tucks the pillow under his arm and turns his back to her, until the sound of shuffling clothes ends and there is a soft creak on the mattress.
He throws the pillow blindly behind him. "Are you finished hiding your nonexistent chest and curves, brat?"
"Simper all you want," she retorts. "When I undress in front of you and leave you speechless, I win."
"Yeah."
He turns around and saunters towards the bed, where she is kneeling on the mattress, wearing his shirt and pants, and combing her long silver hair with her fingers. He towers over her and presses one knee on the mattress, feeling it dip under his weight, and lifts her chin up for him. His thumb strokes her chin tenderly.
"When you undress in front of me and leave me speechless because of your nonexistent chest."
"I hate you." She snatches her chin from him and he chuckles. She buries herself under the blankets and turns her back against him without so much as a goodnight.
"You don't mean that," he says and lays beside her. "Otherwise we won't be here."
"Shut up." Her head disappears under the blanket.
"Dumbass," Levi calls out, one hand on her shoulder and forcing her to face him. Sieglinde continues hiding under the blanket, so the Captain also ducks his head underneath and smirks. It is easy to get her all pouty and teary-eyed like some spoiled brat throwing a tantrum. "What, are you trying to get away from me after all those weeks you kept pining after me?"
"I wasn't pining," she backfires. "I didn't know you could be such an ass."
"I was already an ass when you met me," he points out.
"Hmph." She grabs an extra pillow and presses it on her face.
"Get that away." He snatches it from her hands and throws it somewhere over his legs. He is perpetually amused at her myriad of reactions, going from a sappy teenager to childish sulking to fierce denial. Everything else about her makes him feel warm and satisfied, and it makes him forget about his injuries and the fears.
The Captain tosses his left arm over her waist and tugs her closer to him. Her slender body slides easily over the mattress, and his right arm goes under her head. Sieglinde sighs, defeated, and rests her head on his right shoulder, throwing an arm across his waist.
The sudden physical contact and warmth send alarm bells in his mind. Sure, he wants this, he is curious about this−but to have her nuzzling against him in earnest, embracing him around the waist, is too much for his poor heart. Bloody hell, he has never done this before!
Then Sieglinde slackens beside him. Levi checks at her face, visibly tired but happy. That's the main and best thing. She is happy today because of him. He came home and he confessed his feelings. It is a strange thing, a very strange thing−but never unpleasant, never unwanted. He wraps his free arm around her until he is embracing her to his chest, his nose pressed on her hair.
Sweet dreams, brat.
The morning dawns cold, but he is warm all over. Birds are chirping outside the window. The flames in the hearth have long since gone out, but it is still so very warm. As if hugging a heater or a human-sized kitten. It goes both ways for the Captain as he gives a silent yawn and snuggles closer to the bundle of warmth in his arms. He smells something fragrant in the air, something light and sweet, like his teas. He groans tightens his hold on the warmth, feeling it shift a little in his arms. Warm lips press on the slope of his neck, such a foreign yet pleasurable sensation, and it makes his skin crawl in a good way.
He opens his eyes, blinking away the sleepiness. The first things he sees are strands of white hair over his pillow. His eyebrows furrow, wondering what those could be, until he snaps out of his reverie and looks down. Sieglinde is still asleep, her face resting on the crook of his neck. So it was her breathing and her lips that made him feel good. Damn it. It's too early for this.
Another yawn, and then he gingerly disentangles himself from her. He sits on the edge and observes his small room as the first shafts of sunlight peek between the curtains. He glances back to the bed, unable to keep a smile from breaking across his features at the sight of the woman he loves and admires sleeping blissfully with a small smile on her own lips. He leans down to kiss her forehead, and then stands up to head to the bathroom and check at his bandages.
The shoulder wound needs to be dressed again, the patch of blood staining the gauze. It is disgusting, but it could wait for a few more minutes. Right now, his stomach is grumbling and he is in dire need for a proper breakfast. Ration bars and water are not enough to sustain him. He needs tea−and soon.
He steps out of the bathroom just as Sieglinde is sitting up on the bed.
The black shirt she is wearing is large and askew over her form, revealing one creamy shoulder and the smooth flesh of her bare stomach. The sleeves are too long, dangling over her arms. Moreover, her grey pants are large and awkward on her. She looks like a child's doll with clothes too big for her to wear. Lastly, her hair−damn−all tousled with her blue eyes still heavy lidded.
Levi closes his gaping mouth and swallows hard. Who told her she's not pretty? She's beautiful.
"Hm? Ah, good morning, Levi," she greets, yawning and rubbing at her eyes.
He sits himself on the bed's edge, takes her chin in his fingers, and pulls her for a soft kiss on the mouth. This might not be a good decision considering that they both only woke just now and the germs from last night's sleep are still lingering, but he pushes those thoughts aside as he devours her mouth with his, ravishing her, stroking her, until she is panting against him.
Devious, Levi kisses her more deeply and takes her bottom lip between his teeth. He bites down, gently at first, and then tugs it toward him with a bit more force. Sieglinde whimpers, taken off guard by the tease. The Captain chuckles and releases her bottom lip, swiping his tongue over her swollen lip.
He draws back with a last lick over his lips. He is pleased to see her flushed and panting.
"Good morning," he finally says, whispering in a husky voice in her ear. Her hands clutch him by the lapels of his shirt, shuddering. He chuckles again. "You look so damn fine in the morning."
"You are impossible," she is still panting, but manages throwing glares at him.
"I know," he whispers back. Then he stands and stretches his arms. "Fix the bed, Signe."
"Why me?"
"Because I said so. Then fix yourself. Make it quick. I'm so damn hungry I could eat you in one bite."
The tease hits home as Sieglinde scrambles up from the bed and fusses over their rumpled blankets and pillows. She fetches her knee-high boots and tucks her grey pants into them. She has a pair of gloves at the ready, and Levi raises an eyebrow at the need for gloves. It is cold all right, but not freezing. Once done, they both exit the room and walk down the quiet hallway, devoid of anyone's presence.
The Survey Corps' Shiganshina outpost is smaller and simpler than their headquarters in both Trost and Castle Roslin. The couple finds the mess hall downstairs empty, though they do smell something cooking in the kitchens behind it. Rounding towards the back, they are surprised.
"Mike?" Sieglinde, as in her usual way, jumps to him. Mike turns around with a start and catches her around the waist. "What's this? You are cooking?"
"I was starving," the soldier says, nodding his greeting to Levi.
"We have a kitchen?" Levi asks and peers down on Mike's pan. "…We have eggs?"
"We have an entire closet with supplies," Mike answers as he stirs the eggs. "Do you want some, whirlwind? There's more in the closet. Get some for yourself and Levi." Then he puts a hand on his hip as the young woman runs off to the side. He sniffs a little and glances behind him. "I have some tea on the stove."
Levi pushes himself off the counter and pours himself a cup. He sips, sighing. "Ah, that hits the spot."
Sieglinde returns with her arms full of eggs, a long loaf of bread, and a block of hard cheese. She puts them beside Mike, who cuts the bread in thin, even portions, covers them in butter, and then lays them into the pan. The young woman helps with cutting some sausages, tomatoes, and bell peppers, which join the eggs and toasts. Feeling rather useless, Levi makes himself useful by fetching plates and cutleries, and arranging them on a table back in the mess hall.
Five minutes later, the three of them are sharing a hearty breakfast of Mike's own version of toast. A steaming pot of black tea for the two men, and a cup of hot milk with honey for the lady. Levi sits from across Sieglinde, while Mike sits at her right side, dropping bell peppers on her plate.
"I don't wanna," Signe complains, plucking the bell peppers off and back to Mike's plate.
"Kids need to eat their vegetables to get stronger," Mike quips, then laughs when she hits his shoulder.
"I am not a child! You stop treating me like one!"
"Says the one who won't eat her veggies and still needs big brother's good night kisses."
"I will gut you with his bread knife, Mike! I swear!"
Levi watches the banter with a little hum of approval and continues sipping his tea. He already finished about three cups and, damn, he is still thirsty for more. He pours himself another cup while the pair before him, the old soldier and the young, are bickering about that one time when Sieglinde scraped her knee so badly after a training session that Erwin had to carry her in piggyback-style. The Captain mumbles under his breath, and then one of his previous squad members enters the mess hall.
Petra Ral's smile is bright. "Good morning, Captain! Squad Leader Mike! And Instructor Sieglinde!"
Sieglinde pauses from arguing with Mike and beams up at the cadet. "Good morning."
"I brought fruits from the marketplace," Petra says, offering them a whicker basket filled with various winter fruits: apples, oranges, grapefruits, and pomegranates. "They're sold in a cheaper price today."
"Oh, now these are something I can eat," Sieglinde simpers at Mike, munching down on an apple.
"Thank you," Levi tells Petra. Sensible and kind cadets are nice to have around. "There's some food left in the kitchens. Help yourself with Mike's special cooking skills." He smirks at the blond Squad Leader behind the rim of his porcelain teacup.
"I'd be honored to join everyone," Petra gushes, amber eyes sparkling. "Oh, but before that, someone from the Military Police is waiting outside. He spotted me in the marketplace and asked me to take him to the outpost." She puts an index finger under her chin. "He's still waiting outside."
"Outside?" Levi narrows his eyes.
"Military Police?" Sieglinde gasps.
"Ah, so that's what I've been smelling," Mike mumbles. "Smells like rich boy cologne."
Levi's instincts tell him that this is a bad idea. He checks at Sieglinde's face and sees the same thoughts written in her face. He notices the little scowl forming on her lips and her blue eyes searching around. Those vivid blue land on the bread knife at her right, and then glance up at him through her thick pale lashes. He shakes his head at her and turns back for the cadet.
Sieglinde also turns for Petra. "Can you send him in?"
"Yes, of course, Instructor." The cadet runs off to the entrance as Sieglinde rolls her shoulders back.
The Military Police officer who enters is a young man with glossy black hair and bright metallic brown eyes. Tall, pale-skinned, with lean muscles all over him. He wears a standard fur-trimmed Military Police coat, black gloves, and a wolfish grin. Captain Levi doesn't like that grin, especially when it is trained at Sieglinde, who keeps silent and ignoring the newcomer.
The officer steps forward to Sieglinde's bench. "Ah, there you are," he croons. "I was wondering where you went all this time. You bolted right out of the door when I told you the news, Sieg. Just like that−" He snaps his finger−"you vanished. Commander Nile is not best pleased."
"I asked permission from Commander Nile," she answers levelly, refusing to meet his eyes.
"You never asked permission from me," he says.
"I told you already," she sighs. "I am an instructor, not one of your squad members. I answer only to the Commander." She lifts her blue eyes and glares at the man. "You're ruining the morning. Get lost, Erik."
"I will," Erik promises, "but you are coming with me."
"No, I would not."
"We have a raid in a few days," he reminds her. "You are needed in Mitras to drill the recruits and even the other officers. You need to be oriented on how the Military Police operates during raids. You need to practice your firearms skills. There are so many things you should be doing, instead of spending time and eating a lousy breakfast with the Scouts, when there's a perfectly full-course meal waiting with the MPs."
"Those are some big words for someone with little balls," Levi snaps, putting his teacup down. He straightens his back and meets the bastard's brazen glare with a piercing one of his own. "Why don't you drag yourself back to the capital city and complain to the Commander?"
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Erik hisses, turning his bigger build towards him. That wolfish grin twitches into a spoiled frown. He looks back and forth from Levi to Sieglinde. "Don't tell me… Are you the Captain Levi?"
"Yeah." The Captain leans his arm over his chair. "Got a problem with that, punk?"
"Him?" Erik snorts and turns back to Sieglinde, pointing a thumb at the Captain's direction. Levi is very, very tempted to break that thumb, but hey, breaking fingers is Signe's thing. The dark-haired smug chuckles down at the young woman. "You've been getting yourself worked up for weeks because of this guy? Sheesh, Sieg! I always respected and admired you, but this−this is below you."
"This has nothing to do with you." Sieglinde slams her mug to the table, rattling the plates and cutleries.
"I kno-o-ow," Erik singsongs. "I'm just saying that you could do better than this guy."
"Like you?" She snorts, and Levi smirks. "Please, Lussier. I know you're only doing this because of your massive need to be better than anyone else, but believe me: I have been around three Corps and you're not even close to the top twenty. Scouts are much better than any MPs anyway. So you can stop trying to stroke your stupid ego."
Levi takes a sip. Mike chuckles behind his hand.
"Doesn't matter." Erik laughs good-naturedly at the blatant insult. His hand darts out and clutches Sieglinde around the left wrist, forcefully pulling her to her feet and off the table. "Come on. We're going back. Where's your uniform and coat? Ah, no matter! I'll get you new ones−"
"Hey!" She struggles against his iron-like grip. "I told you I'm not coming with you!"
"No can do." He shakes his head, grinning once more. "Commander's orders."
"W-Wait! Not so rough! Y-You're tearing my sleeves!"
Levi flinches at the sound of her pleading. Blood pumps from his veins all the way to his head, throbbing and pounding pain through his skull. He winces at the white-hot pain seizing all his senses and prepares to throw himself between them for her defense, but then he catches glimpse of Mike sipping his tea, all calm and composed. The soldiers stare at each other for a while, until Mike's brown eyes gleam in mischief. The sudden rush of protectiveness fades from Levi's system.
Oh, that's right.
"Shouldn't we do something, Captain?" Petra whispers.
The Captain sits back on his chair and shakes his aching head. Mike and I had this conversation before.
As if on cue, Sieglinde snatches her wrist from the police officer.
"I said no!" she shrieks with a slap across his cheek.
Erik's bronze eyes widen as his face is suspended to the side, the shock of it all rendering him speechless.
Levi relaxes on his chair, oozing with pride. Mike winces with a quiet "Oof, that's gotta hurt."
"Come here." Sieglinde cracks her knuckles and assumes a defensive stance. "I've been wanting to kick your ass the entire week. Good thing we are not in MP territory right now. I will kick your ass as a Scout."
"This is unnecessary, Sieg." Erik moans as he caresses his stinging cheek. "We can wrestle all you want back at headquarters. Come on, I have a carriage waiting for us outside."
When he reaches out for her wrist again, instead of Sieglinde defending herself, Levi himself finally decides to intervene. He grabs Erik by the shoulder and sends his much taller physique stumbling over the other side of the mess hall. Behind him, Petra gasps and Mike quietly hoots.
Levi towers over Erik and bares his teeth. "Don't put your hands on Signe. You might get her filthy."
"Bastard!" Erik spits at his feet, still groaning and clutching his shoulder.
"Being a dick to women won't make it bigger," Levi snarls at him.
"I'm not going back to Mitras with you, Lussier," Sieglinde repeats, hammering the point home.
"Fine." Erik coughs and smooths down his dark hair and uniform. He glares before them both, but then his expression clears to another one of his roguish grins. He gently takes her hand and kisses the back. "My apologies for being so rough. I was only following orders. I'll tell Commander Nile that you're still occupied with some… Scouts activities with your… Captain."
"Yes." She takes her hand from his and puts it behind her. "I promise to be back in time for the raid. Everything I need beforehand, I would worry about those when I get back."
"Sure." Erik smiles at her, then at Levi. "Have a good day, Scouts."
Sieglinde smiles back and waves a hand. Once he is gone, her smile dies down into a small frown.
"You knew I had it covered, right?" she whispers aside to Levi.
He places a hand on the small of Sieglinde's back and returns with her to the table. He clicks his tongue at the tear in the black shirt−he would have to stitch it later−and then checks at her face. The previous adrenaline made her cheeks rosier. "You all right?"
"Sorry you guys had to see that." She sinks to her previous chair. Mike slides her the milk. "Thanks."
"Were you thinking of breaking his fingers?" the Squad Leader wants to know.
"For the record, no." She gulps the drink to calm her nerves. "I meant when I said I was going to kick him. That bastard has been annoying me for hours on end everyday."
"He does seem to be disrespectful to you, Instructor," Petra says in an apologetic tone. She has a platter of toast, eggs, and sausages and sits on Levi's left side. "But he also sounds quite familiar with you. An old colleague, perhaps?"
Levi snorts, biting down on the bread. "Yeah, who was that punk anyway?"
Sieglinde blinks at him. "I believe I mentioned him in my letters before."
"What?" The Captain scowls at her. "What do you mean letters?"
"I sent letters every week for the Scouts, right?" She checks at Mike's and Petra's faces.
"I received nothing." Now this quite reminds him of the irritation and the disappointment he buried six feet under the ground in order to keep going everyday. While everyone celebrated, teased, and basked from the letters, he received nothing, and then he started doubting himself.
From Signe's furrowed brows, there is something amiss between them. What is it? He thinks back on the letter tucked in his jacket upstairs. Signe's letter for Erwin. What did the Commander tell him that night?
"Someone sabotaging her letters to you. Someone from her side, most likely."
Realization dawns too late as he turns for the mess hall's door. When he looks back at Signe, she has also realized what happened and squeezes his hand in apology. Levi shakes his head to ease her guilt, and squeezes her hand back in reassurance.
Smug bastard can have the letters, Levi swears. I have Signe.
Author's Note: *insert nervous laughs here* I'm back, guys! Sorry for the long-ass wait! I've been very preoccupied with video games and some other things. I hope everyone is safe and healthy as you read this chapter update!
I wanted to update a few days ago, when the manga's Chapter 132 was released. It pained me on a very deep level to know that *spoiler alert!*
...
Hange died. To see the last two veteran Scouts together, one last time. To read Hange's final farewell and Levi's quiet yet pained reaction. He is all bandaged up, but I can still feel his pain. And to see Erwin again-man, I could cry for hours. I miss Erwin, and I will miss Hange. I just hope Isayama has good plans for Levi.
But on to this story!
FINALLY, we have Levi confessing his feelings! Somebody help, this poor boy doesn't know what he's doing... but Signe doesn't seem to mind. I am just glad these two are finally, FINALLY, having the conversation and releasing some pent-up feelings for each other. They both deserve this little moment of happiness before more tragedies come their way. Also, I'm just sitting here in my pj's imagining how Big Brother™ Erwin would react to the news. Hange and Mike, too.
*Valen Goncalvez, Ridethelightning26, Tevijonson004, Guest, starrat, VampireCiel96, Mel - Thank you for reading! So sorry if I'm not doing replies individually but I'm a bit short on time. I'll try to do better next update! Much love, guys!
*cullenett, ninaaark, TheWritingMermaid - Omg, yes! The reunion and confession happening in Levi's POV is my ultimate dream for them. He needs to get out of his emotional shell and barrier if he wants everything to work with Signe, who has always been open with her emotions.
*GraceAckerman05 - Levi vs Erik gives me life! Haha!
*XxMonElisaxX - Aww, thank you! I'm glad you like Sieg! How did you butcher her by pronouncing it? LOL. Yeah, she is Erwin's little cinnamon roll but if you look at him wrong, Sieg will literally go (ง •̀_•́)ง in a flash. And Zeke? Oh god, all hell will break loose when Zeke FINALLY appears.
