"My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go
Some people go around the world for love
But they may never find what they dream of
What you won't do, to do for love
You tried everything but you don't give up
In my world only you
Make me do for love what I would not do"
Daniel Skyhigh McClain (cover) – "What You Won't Do For Love"
Erik's punch knocked Colin back against Malik.
Body enflamed with anger and feeling deceit all around him, Erik ran up on his friend and struck him once more in the jaw before Colin swung hard and knocked Erik into C.J. who stumbled and fell, tripping up Erik who tumbled down after him. Erik tried to stand up but the boat swayed tripping up his balance. He threw off the arm sling not even cognizant of the harm he could bring to the weakened limb. Their friends tried to pull them apart but Colin was too quick and shoved Erik against the side of the boat choking him. Erik punched Colin on the side of his head again with his right fist.
Sugar screamed for both of them to stop as Len and Alton did their best to pull them apart and keep her from interfering.
"You ain't gonna take shit, nigga!" Erik gasped with Colin's fingers around his throat.
"Fucking greedy bastard!" Colin growled squeezing his fingers tighter on Erik's neck.
From the corner of his eye, Erik saw Sugar run from them, and then he heard a thump and a loud splash in the water.
"Oh, shit, Sugar!" C.J. hollered.
Colin immediately released his grip and Erik fell to his knee gulping for air and rubbing his neck. His eyes went to the side of the boat.
"She jumped out here without a vest!" Alton shouted from the jetski.
With watery eyes and sharp burning pain in his left shoulder, Erik watched Sugar paddle out as Alton followed to try and stop her by blocking her path.
"Sugar, get back here!" Erik bellowed.
"Sugar!" Colin shouted.
The boat lifted on the ripples of a passing wave.
"Shit!" Colin said running toward the front of the boat and yelling for the Skipper to move them.
Erik stepped onto the seat at the back of the boat and dived into the water ignoring his pain and the sudden cold as he went after Sugar. She swiped at Alton's hand when he attempted to help her climb onto the jetski. She kept padding toward the impact zone and a new set was rolling in.
"It's dangerous right now, Sugar!" Alton shouted to her.
Erik grabbed for her hand and she fought him in the water.
"Leave me alone! I want to go home!"
"Get back on the boat…baby…please—"
Her red eyes were full of anguish and Erik felt ashamed of how he behaved in the heat of the moment lashing out at Colin.
"Sugar, come with me. We can work all this shit out—"
A rogue wave swept over them all, knocking Alton off of the watercraft.
Erik only had a small amount of air in his lungs as he made a desperate fight to return to the surface. When he raised his head out to take a deep breath, he saw that Alton was able to climb back onto the jetski, but Sugar had disappeared under the whitewater without resurfacing. Erik climbed onto the back of the jetski and Alton took off.
"Go back!" Erik screamed with his head twisted back scanning the water for Sugar.
Two more waves rolled over her and Erik felt icy fear course through his veins
"I see her!" Alton yelled pointing to her board being tussled about. Without a vest, she could get stuck down below because of exhaustion.
Relief came to him when he saw that Sugar found her way back to the surface and climbed flat on her board, letting the next wave push her toward shore. She wasn't bothering with any attempts to surf. She just wanted to get away. From them.
Erik watched her get closer and closer to shore.
"I can't take a chance with these waves," Alton said.
Sugar was halfway back to the beach.
Alton zipped them over to the boat which had moved a good distance for safety. C.J. and Len helped Erik back aboard. He sat on a side seat and a flash of pain ripped up his shoulder. He probably tore something. Kirkland helped him put his arm sling back on and he felt better once the limb was immobilized and snug against his chest again.
"Look like she made it back," Colin said.
Anger still held Erik in its grip as he stared at Colin. Deep down he knew his friend liked Sugar a lot, and he even suspected that his feelings probably swayed into the same territory Erik was swimming in. He couldn't blame his homeboy for that. Sugar just did that to people. Gathered them up and made them want to stay near her. That didn't bother him at all. It was the audacity to tell him to his face that he would take her away from him that raised his hackles. No one else heard Colin say that. Only Erik did. The smug tone in Colin's voice made Erik go ballistic.
C.J. gave Erik a blanket to wrap around himself as the Skipper drove the boat to a landing where they could disembark. The boat was quiet as all the men watched Alton follow along on the jetski.
Erik closed his eyes.
Sugar's eyes haunted him. The way she looked at him in the water. It was if she found him repugnant. Colin stayed away from him and both men avoided eye contact with one another. What was there to say? Everything was out in the open. He began to feel bad for berating Colin in front of everyone. It was the tired thorn in their relationship. Erik always feeling like Colin squandered his gifts because he was too chickenshit. All that wasted talent.
Erik cut to the quick, trying to think of how his therapist would help him approach his feelings about Colin. She would tell him to take the emotions he projected out and pulled them back inside to be examined internally with just his critical eye. Colin's assertion of stealing Sugar wasn't in his friend's nature. They had competed for women together even before he married Calista. Colin had even let Erik know his desire for Sugar, but then it became about the work of training her and Erik ignored it. Colin was seeing women during that time, so it wasn't that serious in Erik's mind. Colin was the one who told Erik to embrace his love for Sugar. Why would he do that if he really wanted her for himself? He could've stepped to her and there would be nothing Erik could do about it being a married man. It would suck like hell to lose her to his best friend, but he would have to stomach it as fate.
The thought of that made him humble himself. If Sugar chose Colin, Erik didn't know if he could stay friends with him. That woman wasn't like anyone they had been around over the years. There were always bad bitches to be had, and both he and Colin could pull some world-class babes…but Sugar? She was a different league. If he weren't attracted to her, Erik could honestly say he would still want her in his life as a friend. She was that dope. To be in love with someone who was a great friend too was the holy grail. He didn't want to lose her to anyone.
Loss.
Erik snatched hold of that. Pulled it in close as his eyes regarded Colin sitting adjacent to him. The man had his arms folded and his gaze was on the water.
Erik loved him. Loved him like the true brother he was in his life. He was the Godfather to his children. The person he confided his bullshit too and wasn't judged for it too harshly aside from the hard ribbing and occasional side-eye. Colin saw him through his up and downs in the surf world and Erik just wanted the world to know his homeboy was a champion too who gave it up…
Loss. Abandonment. Colin.
Erik held the thought even closer starting to feel like he was near the true root of his anger with the man. They had become pros together. Traveled the world together. Made love to beautiful women and partied hard. Together. Colin left all of that. Broke away from all of that and Erik.
Closer now.
Colin had left Erik alone in a competitive field where he needed to have someone like him by his side to navigate being the only one there. There were Black men across the globe entering the sport, a few in Brazil with African ancestry popping up here and there, but Erik, nay…Killmonger…he was the only one at the top. And it felt lonely. He hated when Black people still had to be the first Black anything because it put pressure on them to be perfect and not put shame on the race like his grandparents used to say. When Colin was with him and doing well, he wasn't alone and he had more fun then. When he left, Erik had to shoulder the success and spotlight by himself. He hated Colin for that, but the real problem was that Erik felt abandoned and had a hard time being the only one.
Their other surfing buddies who were pros helped him form a community, but Colin was his boy, his main man who really understood what it was like to be out there at Erik's level. Erik missed him. Needed him. And his stupid ass didn't know how to tell him all that without the fear of appearing weak or vulnerable to another man. Instead, he lashed out and highlighted Colin's faults whenever he felt jealous or angry. He was feeling both at that moment. Angry that another man found a treasure in Sugar as he had, and jealous that he might actually have a claim on her. Angry that Colin was not in the world with him, and jealous that the man seemed content with his choice. Sugar didn't refute anything the entire time they were on the boat and it frightened Erik. Perhaps she felt something for Colin too.
What a shitshow.
He glanced over at Colin again. The man was staring at him. There didn't seem to be anger in his eyes anymore.
"How's your arm?" Colin asked.
In the midst of Erik striking him verbally and physically, this nigga was still worried about his injured ass. Erik gave a small laugh and swiped his tongue on his bottom lip before he felt his eyes well up. He swiped at his lids with his right hand.
"You alright, E?" Malik asked.
Erik shook his head.
"No, I'm not," he said before tears fell in heavy plops onto his sling.
"I was wrong for saying all that shit to you, Colin. It was fucked up and I did it to hurt you on purpose."
Colin did a double-take. So did all their friends.
Erik stood up and sat next to Colin. The boat was getting closer to where they would disembark.
"Man, I'm sorry," Erik said.
He dropped his eyes from Colin's face.
"I always talk about you being a quitter, but I was just pissed that you left me out here by myself. You found something that makes you happy away from me and I've resented it because I haven't found that happiness yet. I'm at the top of my shit and I don't even know if I like it anymore—"
"E—"
"Nah, lemme finish before I chicken out. Every time I brought up you leaving it was because I was upset with my own shit. Projecting and all that. I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know how to ask you for help with coping. I just used you like a punching bag…made you my whipping boy. It's fucked up—"
"Yeah, it is," Kirkland said.
"You had us too, Erik. All of us. You could've talked it out with everyone together," C.J. added.
"I think I needed to be your hero, y'know? The nigga that made it. It's not all it's cracked up to be looking at it from the outside."
Erik studied Colin's face.
"I know you're still pissed at me. I'm truly sorry for how I acted and what I said."
"You need to apologize to, Sugar," Colin said. His voice was even. His face looked a little tight.
Erik nodded his head.
"If you love her, then speak to her in a loving way. Everything about surfing doesn't have to be loud and bombastic, man. She's smart and soaks up stuff like a sponge. You can tell her what she needs to know with assertive kindness."
"Assertive kindness, huh?"
"Yeah, man."
Colin reached over for Erik's backpack and pulled out his painkillers.
"Here," Colin said putting a pill in his hand.
Erik took it and chewed it up dry, the acrid taste on his tongue making him grimace. They all remained silent as the boat disembarked and Kirkland dropped off the jetski. A Lyft was called when they made it back to the one 4X4 to help transport Colin, Kirkland, and Malik back to their jeep parked near the overlook.
Sugar wasn't there when they made it to the other 4X4. Erik and Kirkland made the trek to go look for her with Colin close behind them.
They found her halfway up from the beach sitting against a tree with her board next to her. She looked like she had been crying. Erik got on his knees next to her.
"Are you hurt at all?" he asked.
She shook her head and held it down.
"I just want to leave. You guys made me look bad in front of your friends. They probably hate me now—"
"That's not true, Sugar," Kirkland said.
She glanced up at him and wiped her eyes. Kirkland gave her a gentle smile,
"These two get into all the time. This ain't really new. You just happened to be there."
"But I was the reason why they were fighting."
"It wasn't all about you," Erik said.
"Yes, it was. Colin, you shouldn't have said all that to him. I wish you hadn't said anything."
She rested her face on her knees.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know the truth. I also knew it would get him mad. I was being a dick."
"I was too," Erik added.
"You're supposed to be best friends. Only corny niggas fight like that," she said.
"You're worth fighting for, girl," Erik said.
"We're not fighting anymore. We had some other words and we'll have to talk again man to man, but don't worry about being a wedge. We got other issues. I promise," Colin said.
Erik looked at Colin and he seemed sincere.
"I don't like how I'm feeling. I don't want to be around you guys right now. I just wanted to surf Pe'ahi and learn how to do big waves like you, Erik—"
She burst into tears and covered her face with her hands.
Erik helped lift her up with an assist with Kirkland.
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…this is all on me…," he whispered in her hair as he kissed the side of her face.
Kirkland picked up her board and the hidden pack that she left behind on the beach. Erik led her back up the trail. It took them some time to make it all the way back to the other 4X4 where the other guys were waiting. Colin rode in the other jeep as Erik rode with Sugar for the drive back to the airport. Her tears had dried up then and Erik was in a weird headspace where he didn't know if either one of them wanted to be around him anymore. He and Colin would speak in private for sure about their personal issue, but he wasn't sure how they would play out the unwanted triangle.
On the chartered plane, Sugar sat next to C.J. and the other guys had her laughing and feeling better and he was glad for that. Colin stayed solemn and kept his dark shades over his eyes on the plane with his head resting against the window. Erik sat next to Len who did his best to keep Erik busy talking about food. In the blink of an eye, they were back on Oahu and heading back to Colin's bungalow in cabs. Sugar left the airport in her own separate cab and Erik felt his heart sink lower than it already was.
When they reached the bungalow, Erik made the one cab driver stay and he collected his things. His friends were surprised.
"I can't stay here, I'ma get a hotel room and just get my head together."
He faced Colin with a bit of trepidation.
"Can we talk after I get back to San Diego?" he asked.
"Yeah. I have to think about everything."
Their boys watched them. He could feel the nervous energy around them.
"I may need some time away from you," Colin said.
"Okay."
"You said a lot and I have to wrap my head around why you couldn't be honest with me from jump with your shit. I'm happy, Erik. I have a life that I love. I worked hard to put it together and it works for me."
"What about Sugar?"
"I meant what I said. I love her. She doesn't feel the same about me so you don't have to worry about that. She's stuck on you. But you have to treat her better. And you have to decide if you want to be her man or her coach, cuz nigga, real talk, you can't handle both. Not the way you talk to her."
Erik nodded.
"I don't know what she sees in your arrogant ass, but you'll lose her if you don't get it together, E. She's precious. She likes me and I will remain her friend if she'll have me like that, but if you fuck it up? Man, you will never find another one like her in the world and you would deserve to suffer for it."
"I hear ya—"
"I'm not playing nigga. You know she's your best thing. Outside of your children, Sugar could be your lifeline to get back to who you need to be to make your own damn self happy. Now get the fuck outta my house."
Colin shoved him out, half playful and half-serious. Erik picked up his boards first then went back for his roller bag and carried them to the taxi van.
"Where to?" The cab driver asked after assisting him.
"Wherever the closest hotel is."
###
Sabine walked through the TSA with her pink Fendi bag and her small black Fendi purse. She wore a pink knee-length coat to help lift her mood. She read somewhere in a fashion magazine that pink represented harmony and inner peace. She needed both desperately. She texted Stacy to let her know she would be boarding soon. Sabine gave her friend an extra three days alone in Hawaii as a Christmas gift. Stacy worked hard for her and she was grateful to her friend. It was going to cost her an additional fifteen hundred dollars for those three days, but it was worth it. Stacy uploaded new software with Ryan's help that streamlined her ability to organize Sabine's life. Stacy also put out fires on Sabine's social media about her and Erik by posting several pictures of herself kissing Erik on the mouth and cheek just like Sabine so it looked like Erik was just being bombarded with affection because of his win. Ryan was in on it too by hugging Erik with Stacy's pressure. The gossip blogs were still on fire in the tennis world about her and Alex, and she just accepted it. It was better to have eyes on her and Alex instead of her and Erik.
Erik.
Sabine stopped walking when she saw him walking across from her talking to himself. He adjusted an earbud and she saw he was talking to someone on his cell. She stood still to let him pass and her heart sank when she saw him go take a seat at the same gate number she was headed to. Of course, he would be flying the same flight as her back to San Diego. She couldn't avoid this nigga at all. There was no sense hiding from him. They would see each other eventually. She plopped down in the seat next to him. He was surprised to see her and his expression turned pensive. He pulled the buds from his ears.
They just sat and stared at one another.
Sabine tried to come up with something to say that was profound or humorous or anything that would break the ice. But all she could do was stare at his eyes and then his lips. Her eyes drifted down to his arm. He was wearing a black sling on his arm that seemed to have more reinforcement on it. She swallowed hard. He must've injured himself more jumping into the water after her.
"You fucked it up more, didn't you?" she asked.
"Some slight tearing—"
"Damn. Why did you jump in after me? You know you have to compete next month—"
"I don't care about that. I care about you."
"Stupid," she mumbled looking away from him.
"I'm stupid?"
"No, this whole situation."
Erik leaned in closer to her, his right arm rubbing up against her left arm.
"Listen to me. I love you. That's not going to change. I'm divorced. In the next two and a half months I have to raise my children without their mother. I'm going through some personal struggles, and I have to try and patch up my friendship with my boy. I want to help you. I'm a terrible coach—"
"No, you're not."
"Colin said I was too rough on you."
"Colin can't speak for me."
"I thought—"
"I'm impulsive. A bull in a china shop. The last two coaches I had let me do whatever. You are the only one that holds my feet to the fire. You don't coddle me and that's what I need. Somebody to stay on my ass. That works for me because I'm stubborn and you already know I'm hard-headed."
A slight smile curled his perfect lips.
Her eyes darted away for a moment.
"What?" he said.
"Colin told me how he felt before we went to Pe'ahi."
Erik's lips pressed in tight and he looked elsewhere too.
"You like him."
"I like him. But that's it."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Will you guys be okay?"
He shrugged. She felt horrible.
"We have some things to work out."
"So do we."
"Yeah, we do."
He turned his face back toward her.
"You did really good for your first time at Pe'ahi."
"Jaws ain't no joke."
"You feel like you can handle more?"
"I do."
He touched his phone and turned his head slightly.
"Hey. I'm at the airport," he said.
Sabine pulled out her phone to fiddle with it so as not to appear like she was trying to listen. But she was.
"Yes, I have the doll. I bought you two because I didn't know which one you wanted. You forgot to text me after I sent you the pictures…yes, I'm coming home right from the airport. Yes…the trophy is on the plane. Yes, you can keep it in your room tonight. Lemme talk to Deuce…"
Sabine smiled. He was back to his regular domestic life.
The plane began to board. She stood up. Erik stood but struggled to get his backpack on his arm. Sabine picked it up for him.
"…okay, I gotta board the plane. I'll call you when I land…yeah…okay…okay…bye."
Erik turned his phone to airplane mode and stuck it in his pocket.
"Calista left yesterday," he said.
"How are they doing?"
"Nothing is different yet. Right now it feels like our usual trade-off so I don't think it's really sunk in for them yet. I see you have bumped up to the perks of first-class."
"I'm catching up."
They boarded and Erik sat eight seats in front of her. The in-flight lunch meal was blackened chicken alfredo and Sabine ate most of it. Her stomach was still full of her breakfast with Stacy. She stuck her head to the aisle and snuck a peek at the back of Erik's head. He watched a movie but he seemed distracted like her. Sabine felt like she was waiting for another shoe to drop. She fell asleep and once the plane landed and started allowing passengers off, it was Erik her nudged her awake when he walked past her seat. Someone helped him with his backpack and she followed behind him down toward baggage claims.
They rolled down an escalator and Sabine saw his children before he did since he had his head down to his phone.
"Daddy! Daddy!"
Marina squealed so loud when she saw Erik.
Deuce had a big grin on his face and both children tackled him when he made it to them.
"Watch my sling!" he said but totally ignored it himself.
"Sugar!"
Marina let go of Erik and threw her arms around Sabine's waist.
"Hey, baby shark!"
Sabine looked at Deuce. He grinned at her. Progress.
"Sugar, this is my sister, Yvette. Yvette, Sugar."
Sabine studied Yvette's face. She was lean with smooth dark brown skin and a beatific smile that she lavished on her.
"What are you guys doing here?" Erik asked, clearly pleased to see them.
"We knew you'd need some help," Deuce said.
"Let's go get the trophy and my Hawaiian Barbies!" Marina shouted.
She grabbed Erik's good hand and dragged him toward the luggage carousals. Yvette took Erik's computer from him. Sabine followed along quietly and listened to the kids chatter away, so happy their father was back.
"They drove me crazy waiting for the plane to land," Yvette said.
Sabine glanced over at Erik's sister.
"I can imagine. Two weeks is a long time to miss him."
"I'm just happy that they get to be with him for two months. They need a break."
Sabine was surprised by Yvette's candor.
"Calista got off okay?"
Yvette stared at Sabine as they stopped behind Erik and the children waiting for luggage.
"Yes. You've met her?"
"A few times. She brought Marina to my surf camp."
"Oh, I thought you knew Erik from the circuit."
"No. It was through Calista."
"Interesting."
The red warning light flashed and rang and the carousal cranked up to unleash bags from their plane. Erik was still occupied with Deuce and Marina. Sabine texted her parents that she was home safe.
"Hey, the kids want to grab tacos at your parents. You wanna roll with us?" Erik asked.
"I just texted them," she said grinning.
"You down? If you don't want to it's cool. You might be tired still. You had all that drool running down your mouth while you were sleep—"
"Shut up! I did not!"
She slapped his left shoulder by accident.
"Oh, shit! I'm sorry! Ugh, sorry for cursing in front of the kids!"
Sabine patted his arm making it worse. Erik started cracking up and moved his body back.
"Tacos!" Marina sang clinging to Erik's good hand.
"Papi has this brand-new shrimp taco with mango relish and bacon," Deuce said.
"Bacon and mangos?" Sabine said.
"I told him to add the bacon," Deuce said.
"That's all that boy has eaten the last two days over there. They should just pay you in food as much as you eat."
"Fellow foodie!" Sabine said and held her hand up for a high five.
Deuce gave her a smug grin and slapped her hand.
Erik's eyes never left hers and Sabine thought about it. She wanted to see her parents, and she hadn't been with Marina for a long time. She even missed Deuce. The children needed all the support they could handle with their mother being gone.
Sabine wanted to be with them. And her own family.
"Tacos it is," she said.
