Chapter 54: Hope

"Well, goodnight," Tonks muttered to Remus the first night of his return.

"Goodnight, Dora," he said back, the unspoken 'I love you' hanging in the air.

They laid stiffly beside each other. Remus crossed his arms over his chest, doing his best not to brush up against her.

The next morning however, they had awoken wrapped in each other's arms, having intertwined themselves naturally in their sleep.

Tonks roughly detached herself from Remus.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled to her.

"It's fine," she said in a hard tone.

The next night, she still insisted that they sleep in the same bed, but she pointedly put a pillow between them.

They did not leave the house over the next several days.

During that time, Tonks and Remus would read through Bill's books on curses, though there was not much more information to gather from them. Or they would discuss the news or Order business as they corresponded with the others. Their conversations were those of two colleagues not that of a husband and wife, cordial, brief, and distant.

Remus knew that this was the best he could hope for and was willing to accept any crumb of attention his wife afforded him.

Despite not saying much, Tonks was determined to always keep Remus in sight. Every time she was ready to move on to the next task or even step into the next room, she told Remus to come with her.

Remus felt both horrified that he had inspired such a fear of abandonment within her and grateful that he was allowed to follow her around the house.

One morning, Remus had woken up before Tonks and when she found his side of the bed empty, she jumped up and called out for him with desperation in her voice. Remus, who had just been in the bathroom, came running in with his face half shaved.

Tonks wiped her face of expression, but not before Remus caught the wide-eyed panic in her eyes.

"I'm here," he said, stepping towards her. He instinctively reached out to touch her face.

She stepped away from him.

Remus's hand dropped. "I won't leave again, Dora," he told her earnestly.

"You said that last time," she said under her breath, walking from the room. "Come on," she called behind her, beckoning him for follow.

Andromeda maintained the same polite coldness towards Remus as her daughter. Ted was a bit better at hiding his contempt and made the effort to include Remus in conversations. He even invited Remus to play a game of chess to give him a break from his attempts to appease Dora. Although, it seemed that Remus had let Ted win on purpose.

Ted could see that Remus was trying. Ted watched his son-in-law be led around by Dora. His interactions with her were gentle and apologetic. Ted knew that Remus clearly adored Dora. Of course, he would have preferred that Remus was not afflicted, but Ted could not blame Remus for loving his daughter. Ted tried to imagine what he would have done in Remus's shoes. It was a difficult situation to be sure and perhaps Ted would have done the same thing. Regardless, Ted could see that Remus was desperately trying to make amends.

The war outside was quietly getting worse. Ted considered leaving his job as more and more muggle-borns were being rounded up. The ministry was calling for all witches and wizards with nonmagical parents to register themselves. Ted refused to do such a thing as a matter of principle.

"It's only a matter of time before they start forcing people into the ministry," Andromeda said.

Ted looked at his wife. "I know," he whispered, their eyes meeting in silent communication.

One the fourth day of Remus's return, Remus stepped back into the bedroom after going to the loo, which were the only moments he was not with his wife.

"I guess I'll have to start telling people about you," Tonks was whispering, her back to the door.

"Dora?" Remus said softly.

Tonks turned towards him.

"Who were you talking to?"

"The baby," Tonks replied.

"The baby?"

"Yes, the baby," she said briskly. "It's a thing people do."

'Merlin,' Remus thought, 'It has barely been two weeks and she's already talking to it.' Remus pressed his lips together. "Dora, it is still so early and like we discussed the other day, we don't know of any other pregnancies making it full-term when the father is-"

"Is that what you're still hoping for?" Tonks said angrily. "That I'll lose the baby?"

Remus's face drained of color. He had been making progress with her and he did not want to throw that all way. However, he still was not sure how he felt about the fetus. A child was all well and good, but a potential werewolf fetus transforming in his wife's womb horrified Remus. He knew if he was going to make Tonks trust him again, he was going to have to be honest.

"I don't want you to lose the baby," Remus told her in a small voice. "I still have my…" '-complete and utter terrors-' "concerns. But I'm here for you whatever happens."

"And you're here for the baby too?" Tonks asked.

"I'm trying to be," Remus admitted.

Tonks nodded, satisfied by the openness if not quite the answer. Then she laid down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. "You should talk to it too."

Remus corked his brows. "Talk to it?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't even have ears yet," Remus blurted without thinking.

"Merlin's beard, Remus," Tonks exclaimed. "It's not really about the baby hearing us. I'm not an idiot. I know it's still too early. It's about bonding."

"Bonding," Remus repeated.

"Well, come on," Tonks said.

Remus cautiously approached and sat beside her.

Tonks lifted her t-shirt to expose her abdomen, then she took up Remus's hand and placed it over her womb.

Remus's heart was racing; he had not touch is wife in several days and this little act seemed overly intimate. Remus looked for any changes in Tonks's form, but of course there would be nothing yet.

"What do you say to it?" Remus asked at a loss for words.

"I say a lot of thing to it," Tonks said. "When you walked in, I was saying that I am going to have to start telling people about it. A message came from the Order when you were in the loo. There's a meeting tomorrow night. I can't go on dangerous missions for a while and I need to tell the Order why."

"Right," Remus said quietly. He was not looking forward to everyone else knowing. A baby was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but he knew that everyone's congratulations would be ominous and laced with worry. The child's future was so uncertain.

"Go on then," Tonks said impatiently. "Say something."

Remus rubbed his palm gently over his wife's stomach. He leaned in, bring his mouth closer to the fetus. He did not know why he did this because it was not like the fetus was going to hear him regardless. "Hello," he started awkwardly. He looked back at his wife's face. She raised her brows at Remus, pressing him to continue. Remus turned back to her belly. "My name is Remus John Lupin." Tonks rolled her eyes. "And I'm- I'm your father." Remus blinked in surprise at hearing the words in his own voice. He was going to be a father.

"You okay over there?" Tonks said, her voice gentler than it had been in days.

"I- yes," Remus said, not taking his eyes from her stomach.

Tonks tilted her chin to look down her body. "Don't worry," she said to the baby. "Your dad's a little stiff but he warms up once you get to know him."

The corners of Remus's mouth twitched. "You probably get shaken up in there quite a bit," Remus told the baby. "That person carrying you around, that's your mother and she never stops moving, but you'll see soon enough." He rubbed Tonks's belly again. "But she'll keep you safe." Tonks's face softened. "After you're born, if anyone gives you any trouble, they'll be a goner, your mum will see to it.

"Don't tell it that," Tonks said. She was smiling. It was the first real smile Remus had seen in days.

"Isn't it true?" Remus asked with amusement.

"It's absolutely true," Tonks said, "but the baby doesn't need to know that yet."

Remus laughed and then directed his attention back to her midriff. "I don't want you to think she's all toughness, though she can be very threatening at times."

"I guess we know which parent is going to be the push over," she said, sniggering.

What type of parent would Remus be? The thought seemed so absurd to him; he could not even imagine it. He could, however, picture Tonks as a mother. He thought about how caring and patient she was with him and how nurturing she could be around the full moon. Remus could easily envision his wife soothing a baby against her chest. Then when the child was old enough, Tonks would be the type of parent who crawled around on the floor to play.

"You don't know it yet," Remus whispered to the baby, "but you have the greatest mother. She already loves you so much, I can tell."

Tonks slowly pulled down her shirt and sat up. His words, though touching, made her feel sad. Remus could have said 'You are so loved' or 'We love you so much.' Instead he specifically only said that she loved the child.

"I've already come up with names," Tonks said in a straight tone.

"Oh," Remus replied. He was not sure it wise for them to start calling it something. Naming it would just make Tonks feel more attached than she already did and if anything did happen to the fetus, she would be all the more devastated. "Alright."

"You know, so we don't always have to call it 'it'," Tonks replied. Where Remus worried about Tonks building too much attachment too soon, Tonks worried about Remus forming too little. She thought that discussing a name would make the child more real to Remus. "Do you want to know what they are?"

"Y-yes," Remus stammered.

Tonks held her hands over her stomach. "I thought that if it's a girl, we could call her Hope Andromeda," Tonks said, watching her husband carefully.

Remus had an odd expression on his face, something between grief and wonderment. "You want to name our daughter after my mother?"

"Both our mothers," Tonks corrected. "And yeah, I think that's a good name. And all you've told me about your mum, she sounded really, really nice."

"She was," Remus muttered.

"You'd like that?" Tonks asked.

Remus just nodded.

"And if we have a boy," Tonks continued, "I thought Edward Alastor and we'd call him Teddy."

Remus nodded again. "Those are very good names," he said softly.

"I thought so," Tonks said, standing up. "Our new Minister for Magic is going to be speaking over the wireless. Should we go listen with Mum and Dad? See what new lunacy we're up against."

"After you," Remus said.

Tonks and Remus stayed in the sitting room with Ted and Andromeda for a few hours after listening to Pius Thicknesse's speech about tearing down the walls between the Wizarding and Muggle worlds and creating just one world full of openness, truth, and clearly defined roles. Thicknesse ended with a reminder for all muggle-borns to present themselves to the newly formed Muggle-born Registration Commission.

The fear for Ted's safety was evident, but not discussed. Instead, they all just sat together enjoying the quiet before the storm. Andromeda flicker her wand and soft instrumental music issued from the wireless. They sipped tea and read, occasionally whispering something to one another.

Tonks sat next to him on the sofa, when previously she had sat herself on the far end. Though she did not touch him, Remus basked in the evident but small progress.

Near midnight, Tonks's book slipped from her fingers and onto her lap. Her head fell onto Remus's shoulder. He stiffened at first and gazed down at her to see that she had fallen asleep.

She sighed in her sleep as if relieved to put down the pretense of coldness. Her face was completely at ease.

Remus shifted slightly, slipping his arm around her and in turn, Tonks instinctively cuddled in closer to him.

How he had longed for her closeness. Yet he had not let himself succumb to those feelings, knowing that her affection needed to be earned back.

A pained expression crossed over Remus's face as he nuzzled his nose into Tonks's pink hair. 'I'm so sorry,' he thought. 'I'm so so sorry. I love you. I love you very much.' He kissed the top of her head.

"Perhaps we should all get to bed," Ted said, seeing his daughter.

Remus looked up. Ted and Andromeda had both put down their books and were staring at him and their daughter.

"Do you mind if I stay with her a moment longer," Remus breathed.

Andromeda chewed her tongue. She watched her son-in-law carefully and saw the desperate look on his face. For the past several days, Andromeda had been refraining from shouting that by abandoning Nymphadora, Remus had acted exactly how she'd expect a werewolf to behave. Yet all the while, secretly glad he was gone. Now that Remus was living in their home, Andromeda could see more than ever how her daughter felt for him. His leaving pained and scared her. Though now her daughter was keeping her husband at armlength, Andromeda could see the deep love she had for him. Nymphadora never would have allowed him back into her life otherwise.

Andromeda stood up and drew with her the throw blank from behind her back. She approached Remus and Nymphadora slowly and gently eased it over their forms. Her eyes met Remus's momentarily, her gaze was hard and uncertain. She nodded at him once and them walked out of the room.

"She knows you're trying," Ted said in a low voice, not rising from his seat. "We all see that you're trying…Dora does too."

"I just wish I never put her in this situation," Remus admitted gravely.

Ted could honestly say that he wished the same, but he would not relay that to Remus. "Remus," Ted sighed. "When you left to live among other…" Ted trailed off. The word werewolf which already held so many negative connotations had become like a swear word in their home. "…people with lycanthropy, Dora, well, she wasn't the same person. I never would have believed that my daughter could have been so heartbroken."

Remus frowned. "I know," he mumbled. "I should have never let it get that far. I should have-"

"Remus," Ted interrupted. "When you were on that mission, Dora confided in me about her feelings for you, but we knew long before then. From the moment she joined the Order, your name started turning up in conversations. Shortly after that, we couldn't get her to talk about much else. From the very begin, her whole face would light up every time she said your name. Dora was in love with you before I believe she even knew it herself."

Remus held his wife closer to his chest. He, who had never been in love before, had fallen hard and fast for Nymphadora Tonks.

"I'm saying all of this to you," Ted continued, "because I just want you to know, that I believe, that no matter what you did, no matter how much you tried to pull away, you wouldn't have stopped Dora from falling in love with you. She was always going to arrive at this moment in time. She was always going to be with you."

Remus did not know what to say.

Ted stood up. "I want you to think about that," he said firmly. He moved to stand in front of Remus and his daughter. Ted gently brushed a finger down his daughter's soft cheek. "I don't know how much longer I will be able to stick around." Remus knew that Ted was talking about the new regulations on muggle-borns. Ted put his hand on Remus's shoulder. "I trust that you will do right by her and the baby."

Remus look up at his father-in-law. "Yes," he breathed.

Ted nodded and went to join his wife.

XXX

Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading!

TJ