`Chapter 37

The remainder of the day went out pretty uneventful. Once they arrived home from the doctor's office, Dani went straight to her room and stood there for the rest of the evening, only coming down when Emily told her that dinner is ready. She remained rather quiet during dinner, not wanting to talk about anything while at the dinner table. Emily tried to come up with a meaningful conversation but the teen would just answer with a limited amount of words, showing no type of interest in talking to her.

She just didn't want to talk. No matter how hard Emily tried, Dani wouldn't budge when it came to talking to her.

Dani made sure to avoid any contact with Emily after dinner. She went straight to her room and stayed there for the rest of the night. Emily noticed how hostile the teen was with her, hardly allowing her to get close. She recalls this behavior as something Dani used to do when she first moved in with her. She was a very reserved and shy child. She did her best in limiting the amount of contact she would have with Emily. Emily knew the reason she did that back then was that the child was afraid and had trust issues. Emily knows that Foster children have a tendency in having a hard time getting attached emotionally to a person. She took small steps in order to form a bond with the girl, which took time and patience but eventually she was able to make a connection with her. Now Emily doesn't understand the exact reason behind the teen's behavior.

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Two days passed by after the doctors visit and Dani was still avoiding Emily. She barely stepped out of her room and kept the woman away at an arm's length. Something that was killing Emily inside. She waited until the next day in order to talk with Dani. She wanted to see if the teen would open up to her willingly or if she had to schedule an appointment with a therapist as her last resort when it came to her.

It was a rather calm afternoon. The house was quiet in an almost eerie way. Dani spent most of her day upstairs in her room with the excuse that she was doing homework. Emily knew what the teen said wasn't true. It was a Saturday, the teen never did any school work during the weekend. She knows she just said this in order to avoid her.

The brunette was finishing making toast for a sandwich when she saw Dani entering the kitchen. The teen entered and looked a little surprised when she saw Emily inside the kitchen, expecting her to be in her office during this time of the day. Emily cocked her head to the side and smiled at her.

"Hey, I just finished making toast. Why don't you sit at the table while I finish making sandwiches for both of us," she said while gesturing at the table.

"I uhh… I just wanted a bottle of water," Dani replied while leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Emily looks at the teen with a pleading face.

"Please," she said with puppy eyes. Dani looks at her and sighs.

"Okay," she said while walking towards the fridge and opening it. She takes out a cold bottle of water and walks back at the table, taking a seat.

Emily hides her smile as she makes sandwiches for both of them. She grabs the mayo jar and places a touch of it on the slices of bread. Once she finished, she placed a slice of ham on both sandwiches, accompanied by a slice of mozzarella cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. She places them on an individual plate and walks back in the dining room where Dani was waiting quietly.

"Here you go," Emily said while placing a plate in front of her daughter. She places her own plate on the table while she sits right across from Dani.

"Thanks," the teen replied while taking a bite of her sandwich. Emily carefully watches her as she takes a bite of her own sandwich.

They eat quietly, Dani completely ignoring Emily's presence. She never looked up at her, always looking down at the table without ever lifting up her gaze.

Emily quickly noticed the teens behavior. She noticed that Dani had no plans in talking with her. Hell, now she sees that the teen doesn't even want to see her. Her silence was killing Emily. She wanted to know why Dani was acting this way. Why did she suddenly become so distant? Was it something Emily said or did? She tries to think of reasons why the teen was acting this way. Was it because I never told her about my past? Is she mad at me for not telling her? She knows her telling Dani about her past as an undercover agent came in as a huge shocker to her. Emily has always been open to her about a lot of things. She always believes that in order to form a strong bond with a person that there has to be honesty. She always had that with Dani. Emily never lied to her or at least not that she can remember. She always came clean with the teen because she had no reason to lie to her.

This particular instance was different. Technically, she never lied to her, she just held back the truth. A flawed logic she knows this thinking is.

Emily waits a few more minutes to see if Dani would at least acknowledge her. After five minutes with absolutely no attempt from the girl, Emily decided to address the situation between the two of them. She clears her throat as an attempt in getting the teens attention. As if on cue, Dani glances up at Emily, both eyes locking each other. Emily takes this opportunity and starts to talk.

"Dan, I can't help but notice that you have been acting differently lately," she said. "Is everything okay? Is there something that is bothering you?"

"I don't know what you mean? Im fine. Nothing is bothering me," the teen replied back. She places her hands on the table looking rather worked up.

"Hun, we both know that's not true. I can tell something is disturbing you and I want to know what it is," she reaches over and places her hand on top of Dani's. "I want to help you."

Dani quickly removes her hand from the table, removing it from Emily's touch. "Emily, I told you I am fine. I don't know what else you want me to say," the teen said with a rather annoyed tone.

"Then why are you acting all differently all of the sudden? You talk less often and you rarely get out of your room. You don't have that spark of energy that is always in you anymore. This isn't you,"

"I am acting the same. It's just all in your head," Dani told the brunette. "And quite frankly, quit talking like if you know who I am."

"Because I do know who you are," Emily stated calmly, not wanting to escalate the situation.

"Well if you do then you could figure out why I supposedly change," the teen pointed out. "If i'm not mistaken your job is to analyze people's behavior in order to understand why they do the things they do. If you can do that with a complete stranger then you should be able to do that with me," she said. Dani leans on her chair and crosses her arms around her chest. "But I tell you right now you will just be wasting time because nothing is wrong with me."

"So you want me to profile you?" Emily questions.

"You do you," the teen simply replied. She pushes her chair back and gets up. "I'm tired. I will go to my room."

Emily stands up and looks at the girl. "We are not done talking. Stay. You can go back to your room once we finish this conversation."

"Well i'm done talking because there is nothing to talk about," Dani said while rolling her eyes in annoyance. She pushes her chair back at the table and turns her back, walking away from Emily. Emily moves her head to the side with an astonished expression. She couldn't believe Dani was just going to walk away from her. Emily paces behind Dani until she catches up to her. Before the teen can make it to the stairs, Emily walks in front of her, blocking her path.

"Sit," Emily told her with a stern voice while gesturing at the living room couch. Dani stares at her for a moment, hoping the adult would just move out of the way. She noticed that Emily wasn't budging so the teen let out a frustrated sigh and reluctantly walked in the living room. She sits on the couch like Emily told her to do so. Emily takes a deep breath and walks inside the living room. She sits on the coffee table, wanting to be able to see the child face to face.

"So, you just plan on saying nothing?" She questioned Dani while looking directly at her. The teen just shrugs her shoulder and slouches on the couch. She diverts her eyes to the floor.

"Dani, I know something is bothering you and I want to know what it is so I can help you," Emily says with a worried tone.

"What makes you think something is bothering me?" Dani mumbled while staring at the ground.

"You have been acting distant lately. Especially from me," the agent said, sounding a bit hurt. "You hardly talk to me and each time I try to start a conversation you shut me down. You try everything you can to not cross paths with me, avoiding me at all cost. It's like I'm a complete stranger to you."

Dani starts bouncing her foot without her even noticing. "I uhh… I just need space for now, that's all," she rambled.

"And I respect that. I thought in time you would start to open up but I see that's not the case," Emily said while placing her hand on the teens bouncing knee. "I need to know why you are avoiding me. Is it because you are mad at me?"

"No," Dani answered while shaking her head.

"Then why?" Asked the brunette.

Dani opened her mouth but closed it, not knowing what to say. "It's complicated. I… It doesn't matter. Everything is fine. Why would you assume that I am mad at you?"

"Because of everything that happened these past few days. I know you are probably mad about me not telling you about my past. It came to you as a shocker and I'm sorry. You have to understand that-"

"I told you that I'm not mad about that! Why won't you believe me?" Dani said in a wretched tone while raising her hands.

"Then why, Daniela?" Emily shoots back. She hated pushing the teen like this but she had to know why her daughter was becoming so detached.

"It's nothing Emily! I just… I just want to be alone. Is that too hard to ask?" She said with her voice cracking in the last sentence. She tries to stand up to leave but Emily doesn't allow her to go.

"You are not going until you tell me. It's the only way for me to help you. We are staying in here until you tell me," Emily said, sounding a bit more demanding than she intended to be.

She noticed that the whole time both of them were talking, Dani never looked at her directly at her eyes. The girl had her eyes fixed on the floor even while talking to her. She recalls this behavior from two years ago when Emily first took her in. She knows this behavior is normal when it comes to children with temporary homes. It can be for many different reasons, from fear of attachment to traumas. It took Emily months in order for her to teach Dani proper eye contact. Ever since then, Dani herself tries her best to leave her old habit and start seeing people eye to eye but there are moments like this where the girl gets triggered by something which makes her go back to avoid eye contact.

Dani looks at her and frowns with both anger and confusion. She feels like her chest is on fire and her throat was burning with a feeling she refused to let out. She was desperate to escape, to run away from everything. It was how she solved her problems, by running away, far from anyone but Emily wouldn't let her.

It looked like she had no choice.

"Fine! You want to know why I've been acting like this? Why do I suddenly want to walk away from you and cut you off? You want to know the truth about all this shit, well fine I will tell you!" The teen said, nearly exploding. She has rarely raised her voice at Emily and part of her didn't mean to at this moment but all of this was too much for her. She tried everything she could to suppress this but now it was all coming out in a mix of emotions that she couldn't understand. It was like a volcano about to erupt.

Emily looks at her trying her best to hide away her shock. She didn't know exactly what to expect Dani's reaction would be but this was definitely not what she had in mind. She sees that Dani really didn't want to tell her but now that she is she is getting out all her emotions at once.

"The reason I try to distance myself away from you is not because I'm mad at you. It's… it's because i'm scared of losing you," she said with her voice cracking more and more with each sentence. She looks straight at Emily for a moment, feeling tears lingering in the back of her eyes. She immediately looks away and tries to compose herself. She blinks several times, trying to get rid of her tears.

Dani's response was unexpected to Emily. She thought that the girl was mad but in actuality, she was scared. She looks at the girl who was looking down at the floor, avoiding her look. She looked tense and scared and Emily wanted to calm her nerves down. She gently reaches for her, lifting up Dani's chin, moving her head until they meet face to face. Dani's eyes were glossy and Emily knew that she was hurt.

"Hun, what do you mean by that?" She asked softly. Dani looks away again and inhales deeply before starting to talk.

"That night when I was kidnapped, I uhh… I was scared. I mean the guy, Declan, he clearly stated he wanted me dead. I had so much shit going through my head I didn't know what to think. Then I saw you come in…" she paused and glanced up at Emily for a second before drifting her eyes down to her hands. "I was confused about why you were there and why this guy was so angry at you. Then I noticed the real target was you. When he pulled the gun put and pointed at you, I felt my heart drop immediately. He wanted to… kill you. I wasn't just scared. I was terrified. I was frightened at the fact that if he would have pulled the trigger I would have lost you forever," she swallows down the fiery feeling she felt in her throat. "Emily, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to bury another person I love. I've already done it twice and my heart can't take it anymore. First it was my brother then it was my mom. Emily, I was about to lose you too. I don't…" she starts to sniffle, not being able to hold back much longer. "I just can't go through that again," she whispered. She feels tears streaming down her face and tries to wipe her face but there was no use, more tears came pouring in right afterwards.

Emily's heart immediately breaks as she sees the girl break down. She stands up from the coffee table and sits next to Dani, pulling her into her arms. Dani tried to pull away but she felt too weak and Emily had a firm grip on her. Emily pulls her close, both hands wrapped around the teens smaller frame. She held her without saying anything as the girl cried.

Dani releases everything she has been holding inside for the last days. The tears and sobs were slowly building up inside her until she just couldn't bear the weight any longer. She thought suppressing them would work but now she sees that wasn't the answer. She leans on Emily and and continues to cry, strong sobs escaping from her chest.

Emily wraps one arm around Dani while smoothing her hair with another, soothing her quietly. She hated seeing her daughter cry because she knew it meant that she was hurt. Each sob that she heard from the girl would pierce through her heart. The teen was having a rather hard time to breathe at a normal pace. Her cries were making it difficult for her to do so. Emily was talking to her in a gentle voice, telling her that it's okay. She held back tears of her own that were stinging in the back of her eyes, wanting to be strong for her daughter.

Emily held Dani close to her until the girl calmed down. Once she hears Dani's breathing back at a normal pace, she kisses the side of Dani's head and slowly lets go of her. Dani wipes her tears away as she looks at the opposite direction, not wanting to have eye contact with Emily. She did this for a few reasons. One of them was because she felt too embarrassed about her crying like a small child in front of the woman. Another reason was because of all the guilt she feels about treating Emily like a stranger. It wasn't fair of her to do so. Emily didn't deserve to be treated like this from her. All she wanted to do was help but Dani kept pushing her back.

Emily gently rubs the teens back with one hand, knowing this motion would help her calm down. Then she looks at Dani, trying to find the right words to say. "Dan, is that why you were pushing me away? You don't want to get attached because you are afraid of losing me?" she said with a small, saddening voice.

Dani looks up, eyes slightly red from crying. "I thought that if I walk away from you now it wouldn't hurt as much when I lose you. I just… it's the same story over and over again. I meet someone, I get too close, and just when things are starting to look bright, I lose them," she looks down at the floor. "I don't want to lose you too."

Emily's heart aches as she hears Dani say this. The poor girl was right. The people she would consider family were taken away from her one way or another leaving her out alone. The world has treated her so cruelly, hardly ever allowing Dani to be a normal kid. Dani has been taught the toughest of life lessons, one of them being there is no such thing as happy endings. Emily wanted to change that.

"Baby, I didn't know you were feeling this way," the adult admitted. "But you have to know that you won't lose me. I will never leave you alone," Emily promised.

"And how are you sure of that?" Dani asked while looking at her.

"Because I love you. Dan, you are the reason why my heart keeps beating. As long as we are together, nothing bad is going to happen to me or you," Emily said while reaching for the girl's hand. "And it's not only me. You have a whole family now and no one can take that away from you. Everyone in the team sees you as another member of our crazy dysfunctional family."

Dani cracks a small smile at Emily's comment. "It is pretty crazy but I think that's why I fit in," said the girl with a sniffle. "I really love all of you guys. I just… I just don't want to lose you all."

"And you won't. I promise,"Emily said while giving the girls hand a light squeeze.

Dani looks at her hands and squeezes back, knowing that Emily wouldn't break her promise. She lowers her gaze to the floor. "Em, i'm sorry for the way I treated you. I was an idiot. I'm really sorry," she said, completely guilt ridden.

"Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything. I completely understand," Emily said in a soft voice.

"But I do. I treated you badly and you are the last person to deserve it. You did everything to reach out to me and I acted like a complete ass, pushing you away." She takes a deep breath, recalling all the times she closed off Emily. "After everything that has happened you should be mad at me and I get that. I always screw things up."

"Hey, that's not true," Emily told her daughter. "I could never be mad at you, hun. I know why you felt inclined in backing away from the people you love. I… I do that sometimes too," she admits rather melancholy.

"You do?" asked Dani with a brow raised. Emily nods. "I landed in a few situations where instead of reaching out for help, I shut people out, wanting to run away from them," Emily explained. She recalls various situations in the past where she did this. One of them being going after Doyle without telling her team. She still wasn't sure whether or not she did the right thing. She pushed them out in order to protect them but ended up hurting them. Part of her regrets her decision. "And from personal experience I can tell you that it doesn't work like that, baby. When you step away from the people you love you will end up hurting yourself more than you can think."

Dani looks at her hands and sighs. "I just want to live without this fear of everything being taken away from me again. I just… I don't want to live through that again."

"And you won't. I promise," Emily assured her. She scoots in closer to Dani and wraps her arms around her. Dani leans on the woman, feeling complete comfort in her embrace. She rests her head under the crook of Emily's neck, smelling the scent of fine Marc Jacobs perfume. The nice floral fragrance Emily would always use. She snuggles closer, feeling the warm protection of the hug.

Emily keeps her close, not wanting to let go. Part of her feels better knowing what was bothering Dani. Emily desperately wanted to know why the kid was acting so differently and if there was something she could do to help. Now she knows the reason but that doesn't take away from the fact that it made her heart wrench knowing how much Dani was suffering emotionally. She never wants her child to be tormented with the thoughts of being abandoned.

She just wants Dani to be happy.

Still having her arms wrapped around Dani, Emily starts to speak. "Dani, I need you to promise me something, love."

"What is it?" Asked Dani while looking up at her.

"I need you to promise me that you will talk to me about anything that is bothering or upsetting you. No matter what it is or how insignificant you think it is, I want you to tell me. I just want to help you and the only way I can do that is if you tell me."

Dani looks at her a little confused but nods. "Sure, I guess."

Emily slowly pulls back from the embrace and frowns lightly. She lifts Dani's chin up so that they are seeing each other at eye level. "Promise me, Dan," she told her, wanting a firm response.

"I promise," the teenager responded with a smile. Emily smiles back happily. She reaches over and places her palm on the side of Dani's cheek, smoothing her skin.

"You know that I love you so much. Right, Dan?"

Dani rested her head slightly on the palm Emily was holding her, feeling the soft touch. She nods, hearing the words out of Emily's mouth. She noticed that Emily truly loves her without any limitations. She doesn't understand why but she knows that it's true. That is all that really mattered to her. "I love you too, Em."

Emily's smile widens hearing her words. She leans forward and kisses Dani's head, making the girl slightly blush in the process. They both smile at each other, feeling a weight off their back. They know everything they went through has been really hard to get through, both still scared of something bad happening to one another but they know they can get through it as long as they are together.

And both of them promised they will always have each other.