AN: I had this chapter written the day after I finished the last one and literally had to restrain myself from posting it early. I hope ya'll like it! A lot of you have mentioned Remus and what role he may have, and some of you are really close, but I'm gonna let you figure it out for yourselves. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!
Chapter 29
"You're awfully quiet this morning," said Snape the next morning at the breakfast table. Harry nodded. He hadn't slept very well. He had had nightmares most of the night about Uncle Vernon and he had woken up to feel more exhausted than he had before he'd gone to bed. His head hurt and his mouth was sore from where he had ground his teeth in the night.
"My head hurts," he replied, knowing that it would do no good to pretend in front of Snape.
A moment later, a potion landed with a soft clink on the table by his plate.
"Snape-"
"Take it," Snape interrupted, "and no whining."
Harry rolled his eyes and brought the potion to his lips without argument, noting at once that it tasted like strawberries.
"You don't always have to flavor them for me, you know," he said as he set the vial back down on the table, "I'm not a little kid."
Snape took a sip of his coffee. "I'll remember that the next time you're fighting me on taking one." He pointed then to the nutrient potion that Harry had so far been ignoring. "Drink that too. I know you haven't been taking them in the mornings like you're supposed to."
"How do you know?"
"I asked Jenka. She said it has been untouched every day this week. You know that if you don't take it, Madam Pomfrey will have quite a bit to say about it."
Harry didn't reply but he did take a drink of the vanilla flavored potion before returning his attention back to his eggs. They were quiet for another long moment before Harry spoke again.
"Snape?"
"Hmm?" Snape was reading the paper again and Harry noticed that the front page still had Sirius Black's picture there. He looked away as he asked,
"What's your boggart turn into?"
Snape turned the page of the paper with enough force that it made a snapping sound.
"Not Neville Longbottom if that's what this is about."
Harry coughed in an attempt to hide the laugh that escaped him. He schooled his features quickly though when Snape eyed him above the paper.
"It's not that. I knew you'd be mad about that though. Professor Lupin was really good about helping everyone learn how to turn their fears into something funny."
"Yes," Snape said drily, "He's always been such a bundle of laughs."
Harry smirked again. "Did you know him well before he came here? You said he knows about Dumbledore and McGonagall. He sort of acts like he knew you, and he says you went to Hogwarts together, but when I asked him, he said he didn't know you as well as he would have liked."
"I imagine he did." Snape replied without looking back up from his paper. When Harry didn't say anything else though, he put the paper down with a sigh.
"Yes, I knew Professor Lupin in school. But no, not very well. He learned about the adoption sometime during our fifth year and after that, we became- I don't know, less than enemies." He cut himself off with another sigh. "It's all very complicated, Harry, and it's really not my story to tell."
Harry pushed his food around on his plate until finally, Snape made everything except his nutrient potion and his own coffee disappear.
"I guess I'm not very hungry." Harry admitted as he ran his finger over the rim of his glass before taking another drink.
"Obviously," Snape replied. "I thought we were talking about Boggarts? What did yours turn into?"
"I asked you first." Harry said quickly.
Snape inclined his head and said, "Mine takes the form of the Dark Lord, as I'm sure it does for many wizards." Harry didn't comment, but he hadn't been expecting that answer. For some reason, he had had this idea that Snape wasn't afraid of anything and therefore, would see the boggart as it truly was. "Your turn," Snape said softly.
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno," he answered truthfully. "Professor Lupin didn't let me face it. He stepped in front of me and then it turned into a sort of crystal ball."
Snape nodded. "Does he still make it turn into a deflating balloon?" He asked and when Harry looked up at him questioningly, he seemed to realize that he had given away that he knew about Lupin's boggart. Snape cleared his throat and said, "Slytherins and Gryffindors have always taken defense together," as if that explained everything.
"Right," Harry replied. "Well, he must think I'm really weak if I can't even handle a boggart."
Snape shook his head, "I'm certain it had nothing to do with weakness, Harry."
"But then-"
"Likely, Professor Lupin thought that it would take the form of the Dark Lord. Can you imagine how that would have gone over with a classroom full of third year students?"
Harry seemed to nod in understanding even as he spoke his next words. "I did think of him at first, but then I remembered something else." He looked down at his nearly empty cup so that he wouldn't have to see the potion master's face. "The dementors. When they were flying around me and when they showed up on the train. When- when I hear her."
Snape nodded solemnly. "Your greatest fear then, is fear itself. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Harry."
Harry didn't reply. Instead he raised his glass once more and drained it before standing up from the table. "I should go. Ron and Hermione are probably going mental wondering where I am."
"Wait, Harry," Snape said as he too stood from his place at the table. "I wanted to speak to you about something else first. I sent a note up last night informing Mr. Weasley where you were so they're not worried."
Harry looked as if he wanted to argue but in the end, he sighed and followed Snape out into the parlor. He took a seat on the couch and waited as Snape settled into his chair. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts and Harry didn't want to interrupt him, assuming that whatever he wanted to talk to him about must be important.
"How would you feel," he began finally, "about me taking on a more permanent guardianship role with you?"
Harry sat stunned. That hadn't at all been what he was expecting. "You mean like adoption?" He asked tentatively.
Snape sighed. "Unfortunately, it would seem highly unlikely that the ministry would ever allow me to adopt you. There are simply too many things in my past."
"But those things shouldn't count!" Harry protested. "You were a spy."
"It wouldn't make a difference, I'm afraid."
Snape leaned forward as he had done last night and rested his elbows on his knees as he looked across the table at Harry. "When you first came to stay with me this summer, I was granted an emergency temporary guardianship. It was only supposed to last until Professor Dumbledore found a more suitable home for you-"
"But I don't want to go anywhere else, Snape!"
Harry could feel his insides churning at the idea of having to stay with someone else.
"I know that, Harry, and that's why Professor Dumbledore and I are doing everything we can to keep you here. He thinks that even if adoption isn't an option, I might be able to petition the ministry for long-term custody. You're already thirteen so in four years, you would be an adult anyway. They may allow it, but even if they considered it, it would be quite a long process and you would of course remain with me during that time while they performed all of the necessary interviews and the investigation."
"Investigation?" Harry asked. "What sort of investigation? Why can't they just say yes?"
"They have to make sure that you will be properly taken care of. They will likely send someone to talk to you about your time here with me, how you feel about it and whether or not you're happy and safe with me. They'll also interview me as well as some of the professors, likely a few of your friends, even possibly the Weasley's." Snape paused for a moment to give Harry a chance to absorb all the information. Harry nodded before pulling his legs up onto the couch and crossing his arms over his chest.
"I went through this myself," Snape continued, "and I know first hand how difficult it will be, but you can do this. They will probably want to see your room here and at home and they'll want to make sure that you're healthy and being fed properly, which is why I'm insisting that you take your nutrient potion everyday like you're supposed to. I'm also going to set up another appointment with Madam Pomfrey, which you will go to without argument, so that she can assess the change in your health from when you first came here and now."
Harry groaned but Snape held his hand up. "Wouldn't it be worth it," Snape asked, "if you got to stay here?"
"Yes," Harry said as he dropped his head back to rest on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He really was exhausted. "But what happens if we go through all this and they still try and make me go somewhere else?"
Harry didn't hear Snape stand up, but he felt the couch dip beside him and he rolled his head over to see the older man sitting beside him. Snape sighed, and though he looked anything but comfortable with the physical contact, he raised his hand and let it rest on Harry's shoulder, squeezing it slightly.
"Let's not cross that bridge unless we come to it." He said quietly. "We'll just take this one step at a time. They'll come, conduct their interviews, see for themselves how you are doing and then with any luck, they'll leave us in peace. But you need to know that they will be watching our every move. Everytime something happens, they will find out somehow. I need you, more than ever, to promise me that you will do everything in your power to keep out of trouble."
"Snape-"
"I mean it, Harry. Do not do anything that will put you or your friends in danger. They likely will not give me any second chances and if they even suspect that I can't keep you safe, you could be as good as gone. Do you understand?"
"Okay," Harry assured him as he sat up, causing Snape's hand to fall from his shoulder, "I promise. But how is it going to stay secret like this? What happens if Mr. Malfoy or someone else at the Ministry finds out?"
Snape shook his head. "That's another bridge that we will cross if we come to it. But I am not afraid."
"You just said at breakfast-"
"I know. Don't worry, Harry. Everything will be alright. Do you trust me?"
"Yes," Harry replied without a second's hesitation.
"Alright then." Snape looked long and hard at Harry. "How's your head?"
"Better."
"You still look really tired," Snape noted. "Why don't you try to get some more sleep? I've got to start Draco's detention, but I can come wake you for lunch."
Harry shook his head. "I'm alright. I think I'm just going to find Ron and Hermione. Catch them up on everything."
"You've got your key, then?" Snape asked, standing up.
"Right here," Harry pulled the key from his pocket and held it up for Snape to see.
"Good. Just use it the same as you did last night. Think of your dorm room and the door will appear."
Harry held the key in his hand and suddenly the door was in front of him once more. But before he walked over to it, he turned back to face Snape.
"Would you though, if you could?" When Snape just looked at him in confusion, Harry said, "Adopt me, I mean? If you thought they would let you?"
"Would you be okay with that?" Snape asked in return. Harry nodded. "I think I would like that a lot."
"So would I." Harry thought for the briefest moment that he saw a smile flash across Snape's face but he dismissed the idea as he turned back to the door.
He reached out to open it and caught a glimpse of the stunned expressions on both Ron and Neville's faces as they looked through to see Snape's quarters behind them.
"Bloody he-" Ron stopped himself just as he caught Snape's stern expression. "Hello, Professor."
"Mr. Weasley," Snape replied. "Mr. Longbottom. I trust that neither of you will be telling anyone about this?"
"No, sir," they both answered and Harry rolled his eyes as he stepped up to the threshold of the door.
"See you later, Snape."
"Behave, Harry."
Days turned into weeks and still neither Snape or Dumbledore had heard anything more from the Ministry concerning the upcoming visits. They began to settle into their routines nicely with Harry going to classes as usual and Snape being sure to give him detentions every few classes. For the most part, Harry had stayed out of any real trouble and so the perceived detentions with Snape had all just been opportunities for the two of them to have tea and talk about their days. Twice now, Snape had let Harry help him in his lab while he worked on a few simpler potions.
Harry had had his appointment with Madam Pomfrey and she had deemed him as healthy as could be expected all things considered and had even decided that he no longer needed the nutrient potion. As long as he continued to eat healthy, balanced meals of course. Harry had rolled his eyes at that, thinking that if Snape had his way about it, he'd never eat sweets ever. Luckily for him, he still had some stashed away in his dormitory where Snape would never find them.
All too soon however, it was time for the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year and it seemed as if no one could talk of anything else. Harry had tried on several occasions to convince Snape to let him go but he had so far been steadfast and unmoving.
Eventually, Harry decided that stronger tactics were going to be needed and so one day after class, Harry waited until everyone else had left the Transfiguration classroom before approaching McGonagall's desk.
"Yes, Potter?" She asked as she straightened a pile of papers without looking up at him.
"Professor, I wanted to ask you about Hogsmeade." Harry said before he lost his nerve.
"What about it?" McGonagall asked suspiciously. "I was under the impression that your guardian had already said no."
Harry faltered. "Well, yes, but-"
"But what, Potter? The form clearly states that a parent or guardian must give permission. I am neither."
"I know," Harry said shortly, "I just thought that if you talked to him, you could talk him into letting me go. He'll listen to you."
"But I'm not going to do that."
"Why not?" Harry asked, visibly deflating as he sat down in the chair opposite her desk.
"Because I happen to agree with him. It's simply not safe as long as Black is escaped."
"But-"
"No, Harry." She said his name in such a stern tone that Harry was at once reminded of Mrs. Weasley. "I'm sorry, but that is my final word on the matter. There will be no Hogsmeade trip for you this time."
Harry stood up so abruptly that the chair nearly toppled over behind him.
"Fine," he spat angrily as he made his way to the door, ignoring the professor as she called out for him and letting the door slam behind him.
Harry still felt angry all throughout his next lesson and into the lunch period. Ron had agreed with him but Hermione had decided that maybe it was for the best, which only served to make Harry angry at her as well. Admittedly, Harry did feel bad for how he had treated Professor McGonagall. She had always been so good to him and she hadn't deserved that. He had already resolved himself to apologizing to her when a folded piece of paper appeared in front of him. Harry groaned, recognizing the handwriting immediately. Ron looked over and said, "Rotten luck, mate, but at least it's not a howler."
Harry opened the note and read, "My office. Now." A few seconds later, the note burst into flames and was gone. He sighed and stood up, gathering his things and doing his best to avoid looking up at the staff table as he said, "I've got to go. See you."
"We'll meet you in the common room later, alright?" Hermione tried to sound encouraging but Harry only nodded as he walked out of the Great Hall.
Harry got to Snape's office only a moment before Snape who gestured him inside before shutting the door behind them and putting up a silencing spell. When he turned to Harry, he was already sitting in one of the chairs reserved for the students on the other side of Snape's desk.
Snape crossed his arms and glared down at the boy.
"You realize that you will be apologizing to her the first chance you get?"
Harry nodded. "I was already planning to. I felt bad as soon as it happened but I was too angry to go back."
"How many times are we going to have this same discussion, Harry James? You're not going to Hogsmeade until Sirius Black is back in Azkaban and that is final."
Harry stood up to face his guardian.
"But it's not fair, Snape! I'm getting punished just because he escaped! And what if they never catch him? You'll just never let me go? You can't do that!
"I think you'll find, young man, that I very well can. When he's caught, we can talk about Hogsmeade, but until then, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Harry groaned and dropped heavily back into his chair. He knew it was hopeless to argue but he couldn't seem to stop himself. "Snape, it's just Hogsmeade. It's not like I want to go out into London alone. I'll be with hundreds of other students and teachers, in a crowded little village where I'm sure you would have everyone watching me constantly. Surely Black wouldn't be stupid enough to try something with everyone around."
"Black had no problem blowing up an entire street and thirteen muggles just to get to one man. I hardly think he cares about how many students see him."
"But everyone else is getting to go. If he were really as dangerous as you say-"
"Don't even think of finishing that sentence."
Snape took a step closer to Harry but the teenager huffed out a breath and turned his head so that he was facing away from him. Snape ground his teeth together and counted back from ten. He didn't want to yell at the boy and he could feel his own temper rising.
"Listen to me, Harry," he said after a moment, "I don't want to argue with you, but I'm telling you right now that unless you want to be grounded to our quarters for the entire Halloween weekend, I suggest that you forget about going to Hogsmeade. Have I made myself quite clear?"
Harry sighed but nodded while still not looking at Snape.
"A verbal answer, please."
"Yes, sir," he ground out with as much petulance as he dared before grabbing his backpack once more and walking towards the door of Snape's office.
"Where are you going?" Snape asked as Harry brushed past him.
"To talk to Professor McGonagall." Harry made no further comment and Snape let him go. He took the seat that Harry had just vacated and leaned his head back against it.
"Merlin," he thought, "It's going to be a long couple of weeks."
Snape hadn't been wrong. Though Harry had apologized to McGonagall and he had kept his word not to bring up the Hogsmeade trip again, he also hadn't gone out of his way to talk to Snape either. He was avoiding him and Snape knew it. He'd had "detention" with him a couple of times since that day in his office but both times Harry had been sullen and quiet.
At first, Snape had resigned himself to just letting it go. He figured that eventually Harry would grow tired of constantly being in a bad mood and snap out of it, but so far that hadn't happened and the night before Halloween, Snape had ended up sending him to bed early because of his attitude. He had decided that it was either that or some time in the corner and honestly, Snape had been tired too.
Harry had gone without a fuss but the next morning he had left before breakfast saying that he wanted to eat with Ron and Hermione before they left. Snape had let him go and retreated to his lab to work on a potion hoping that it would take his mind off of his new found troubles with Harry. He hoped that Black was caught soon, if for no other reason than because he didn't want to fight with the boy everytime a Hogsmeade trip was announced.
Harry, having said goodbye to Ron and Hermione at the Entrance Hall, had contented himself to roaming around the corridors without any real place in mind to go. He had just considered visiting Hedwig up in the owlery when he heard his name being called.
He doubled back to see Professor Lupin grinning at him from inside his classroom.
"Hello, Professor," Harry said cheerfully.
"Good morning, Harry. You didn't go to Hogsmeade with the others?"
Harry shook his head and took the seat that Lupin had gestured to before he'd closed the door behind them both. "No. Snape wouldn't let me. Says it's not safe as long as Sirius Black's escaped."
"Ahh, yes. I imagine not." Lupin said as he held the tea pot up in silent questioning.
"Sure, thanks." Harry agreed and then watched as Lupin pointed his wand at the pot until steam began to blow out of the top.
"I only have tea bags, I'm afraid. But I reckon you might be tired of leaves at this point," he said with a smile.
"Definitely," Harry replied with a roll of his eyes. "How did you know?"
Lupin passed Harry a teacup and said, "Professor McGonagall told me. You're not worried are you? I hear that Professor Trelawney picks a new student each year."
Harry took a sip of his tea before replying. He considered telling Lupin about the black dog he had seen twice now, but ultimately decided against it. "No, I'm not worried."
"Good," Lupin said as he drank from his own cup. "So, how have you been getting on with your classes? I hear you've gotten a few detentions this year, though I'm not sure you mind all that much." Lupin's smile brightened and Harry was reminded for a moment of Fred and George. He seemed almost mischievous himself and Harry found himself smiling back, his mood considerably lifted already.
"Well, let's just say that I'm probably not going to be made prefect any time soon."
Lupin outright laughed at this. "I wouldn't be too sure. I had more than my fair share of detentions while at Hogwarts and I still managed to get a prefects badge. Though I have a sinking suspicion that Professor Dumbledore gave it to me in hopes that I would be able to reign in my friends. Though it had the opposite effect I'm ashamed to say."
"Were you and your friends troublemakers growing up, Professor?" Harry asked with a laugh.
Lupin could feel a slight blush making its way up his cheeks as he inclined his head.
"A bit, yeah. In fact," he said after a moment, "it's probably where you get it from."
Harry's forehead creased as he stared at the professor, trying to work out what he meant. He didn't have to wait long however, because Lupin continued.
"Your dad, James, was one of my very best friends. He and your mother both actually."
Harry's jaw dropped and he had to quickly set down his teacup after he almost dropped it in shock. "You knew him?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Lupin smiled kindly at him and said, "I did. We were friends all through school and even after. Right up until the very end."
There were so many questions that Harry wanted to ask that he couldn't choose just one. And before he could say anything, there was a knock at the door.
"Come in," Lupin announced and the door opened to reveal Snape, carrying a smoking goblet filled with a blue potion. He stopped short when he saw Harry sitting with the professor and Harry made a show of glaring up at the man. Evidently, his mood was still sour when it came to his guardian.
"Thank you, Severus," Lupin was saying.
"Drink it directly, Lupin. It'll be worthless if you let it cool too much."
"Yes, yes, I know." Lupin said as he took the goblet in his hands before pointing to Harry. "Harry and I were just having some tea. Would you like some?"
Snape watched as Harry slouched down into his chair and crossed his arms, though he seemed unaffected by it. He smirked and shook his head.
"I think not, Lupin. I've got a lot to do." Then he pointed at the goblet once more, "Drink it, and if you need more, let me know. I've brewed a whole cauldron full."
Lupin nodded and Snape left the room.
"You don't think you're being a bit hard on him?" Lupin asked.
"He's being completely unfair," Harry defended. "I don't know what he thinks is going to happen in Hogsmeade with all those people around. Surely Black wouldn't be stupid enough to show up there."
"He just wants to keep you safe. We all do, Harry. Can you really fault him, or any of us, for that?"
Harry sighed and sat up straight once more. "I suppose not, but I still don't like it."
Lupin grinned before raising the goblet up to his mouth and draining it as quickly as he could. Harry grimaced.
"Couldn't you flavor it?" He asked.
"It would make it useless, unfortunately." As Harry continued to watch him carefully, Lupin said, "I've been a bit off color lately and this is the only potion that helps. Professor Snape was kind enough to brew it for me. I've never been the best at potions."
"So," Harry said, changing the subject, "why didn't you tell me that you knew my parents?"
"I've been waiting for the right time, I suppose. And I wasn't sure what Professor Snape had already told you about me."
Harry scoffed. "Not much more than you've told me about him. He said that you knew about how he had been adopted and that after that, the two of you had become "less than enemies," whatever that means. But he wouldn't say anything else. Said it wasn't his story to tell."
Lupin huffed out a breath and Harry thought he might be annoyed, though all he said was, "Less than enemies. Of course he would say that."
When Harry only looked at him curiously, he went on, "Another time perhaps, Harry. I'm suddenly feeling quite tired. I believe the potion is already working."
"Do you need anything?" Harry asked as he stood up to go.
"No, no. I'm fine, thanks. I appreciate you having tea with me, Harry, and feel free to stop by anytime. Maybe we could talk more about your parents soon."
"I'd like that. Goodbye, Professor," Harry said as he walked to the door.
"And Harry," Lupin said just before the door would have shut. Harry looked back at him. "Go easy on Snape, would you? He's still learning."
