Sol,
Ashley waved me over today to help with the weapons on the bench. I still don't know if she was looking for someone to talk to, or if she'd noticed I was getting antsy – the Mako had a few things to adjust after Chasca, but not much. Ashley been getting behind with the inventory tracking, mostly because the ground team has been salvaging a considerable amount from the missions. On top of that, Shepard is still making her trips back to Ahern's apartment to keep our supply of prototypes up. She, Wrex, and Tali all have HMWSG X shotguns now, so everyone's arsenals probably need to be re-assessed, but neither Ashley nor Shepard have had the time. It made sense for me to help.
"You read the last report?" she asked me, handing me one of the newer mods to test and fit to Liara's new pistol.
"Yes. Not pretty." I shrugged. "But not surprising."
"Cerberus has a lot to pay for," she said darkly, shaking her head. "All those colonists turned into husks. For what? Some sick experiment? It's one thing when the geth do it – it's a whole other thing when it's our own people."
I finished with Liara's pistol. Ashley slid Alenko's sniper rifle over for me to look at it – the thing looked brand new, since the man barely ever used it. Still, Alliance regulations require that all soldiers carry a full weapons complement at all times: something I'd never entirely understood. Mind you, I supposed my shotgun—whose mods I last touched weeks ago—is used about as often as Alenko's rifle, so I was hardly one to talk.
We worked in silence for a minute, but something was clearly bothering Ashley, because when she finished with Wrex's assault rifle, she practically slammed it onto the bench.
"I'm not like them, you know," she snapped.
"Umm…not like who?" I asked, cautiously.
"Cerberus," she said, not meeting my gaze.
She picked up the assault rifle again and began buffing out a scratch with far more force than was necessary.
"Look," she said, her voice a little quieter, but no less angry. "I know I've said some things in the past. I know I haven't been the most welcoming to you and the other aliens."
The word "aliens" felt strange after all this time on the Normandy – but I kept my face as neutral as possible.
"But I'd never agree with Cerberus and their agenda. Sure, I think that the Council races need to stop sidelining humanity, but hurting our own people to get there? That's not okay."
I knew this was dangerous territory, but I couldn't help it: I asked the obvious question.
"And what if those husks had been turians?" I asked, keeping my voice steady and calm. Making the question academic—when it was anything but. "Would that have made it okay?"
Her smile was grim and sad.
"Never," she said softly. "Humans deserve better. But not if we forget what it means to be human. Part of what makes us…us…is that we're not slavers like the batarians. We didn't unleash the genophage on the krogan after they saved the galaxy – like the turians and salarians did. We aren't war-mongering barbarians like the krogan. We don't manipulate the galaxy into doing our bidding like the asari do with their crazy mind-reading stuff. We didn't create the geth like the quarians."
"I'm not sure humans are without sin," I offered carefully – but my voice was tight.
"Of course not," she said, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant at all. But what I mean is that…we don't…we don't have the baggage the other races have. We can show the Council races a better way to be. But not if we stoop to the level of ruthlessness that Cerberus is peddling."
I tilted my head in a half-nod, but her eyes narrowed.
"Problem, Vakarian?"
Well, since she'd opened the door…
"Yes," I confessed. "I'm not sure I buy your whole 'humans are the superior species' argument. Maybe you just haven't been out in the stars long enough to find your epic screw-up the way the other races have. But from what I've seen of humans…you'll get there."
These were fighting words – I half-expected I'd need to block a blow to my face.
Strangely, she smiled.
"Maybe," she acknowledged. "But is it really such a bad thing to choose to believe the best of your own people?"
Suddenly, Wrex caught my eye at the other end of the bay. I realized that he'd been listening in on the whole conversation. I'd gotten better at reading him over the past few months. When we'd started, I probably wouldn't have noticed the subtle shifting of his weight from one foot to the other. But I did. That last one…it had hit close to home for him.
"No," I said, turning back to Ashley. "But would it really be such a bad thing to choose to believe the best of the other races, too?"
She frowned – but not out of anger. She was genuinely considering my words. Words that, honestly, I couldn't believe I'd said myself. It wasn't that long ago that I was accusing Tali of stupidity for her people creating the geth, Wrex of being nothing more than a violent thug, Shepard of being impulsively naïve. All things I had believe of them because I had believed it of their people.
But I'd been wrong about all of them on a personal level. And it had made me think I was wrong on the other level, too.
"Maybe not," she admitted slowly, thoughtfully. Then: "Hey, pass me the skipper's rifle. I see a burnt-out indicator on the side."
I reached for Shepard's assault rifle, but Ashley's omnitool suddenly buzzed. She tapped it open. Unlike Alenko, I noticed, she had her comms on private mode by default.
"Yes ma'am," she said into the comm. "I'll be ready."
Ah. Shepard then. And a mission.
I raised my brow plates at her.
"Distress call coming from Nodacrux," she answered briskly, stowing her tools with practice efficiency. "It's generic, so Shepard's not sure what we're walking into. She's got me and Tali suiting up."
"I'll finish up here," I offered.
She nodded, then approached her own locker to prep. Tali appeared out of engineering only a minute – then Shepard herself stepped off the elevator. The Alliance crew scurried, prepping the Mako, and Wrex and I both retreated to our usual holds for the drop.
Once they were gone, I returned to the weapons bench. I'd never confess it to Ashley, but I was grateful for something to do. Ever since Shepard's radio silence on Noveria, I'd been feeling more and more anxious during missions I wasn't on. Waiting shipside for the ground crew to return was becoming a challenge. And, usually, I didn't have the Mako to work on. I often took an early sleep shift during missions like these, but even that had been a struggle lately…I should probably ask Dr. Chakwas what she has on-hand for dextro sleep aids.
Anyhow, I'd just started on Liara's assault rifle when Wrex rambled over.
"That was interesting, eh?"
"Huh?" I'd been absorbed in working on the rifle and it took me a second to put his comment in the context of my conversation with Ashley.
Wrex shrugged.
"Just reminded me of someone, that's all."
I sighed.
"Yeah, the irony isn't lost on me."
Wrex chuckled.
"Good. Just checking." He turned away. "Told ya you'd learn something if you stuck around, didn't I?"
"Yes, I believe you did."
- G.
Message unsent.
GV: How was Nodacrux?
TR: Keelah, Garrus. It feels like we just got back two seconds ago. Why are you pestering me already?
GV: Sorry. Didn't mean to pester. You can message later.
TR: No, it's fine. It was…well…interesting.
GV: You all looked pretty grim when you disembarked from the Mako. I wanted to ask what happened then, but everyone looked like they needed space.
TR: And by "everyone"…you mean Shepard.
GV: Maybe.
TR: It was the Thorian.
GV: Come on, Tali, that's just mean. I genuinely want to know what happened.
TR: I'm not joking. There were Thorian creepers scattered everywhere.
GV: How the hell did they get all the way out here? ExoGeni seemed certain the Thorian on Feros was unique.
TR: So…if you could make one guess…based on all the missions we've been on this week…?
GV: Ah.
GV: Dangerous and unethical scientists?
TR: Got it in one. I'm impressed.
GV: It's depressing how unimpressive it actually is.
GV: Damn it. No wonder Shepard looked so unhappy.
TR: I felt really bad for Ashley. At least Shepard and I had fought the things before. But Ashley got hit pretty badly with one of those acid attacks.
GV: You got them all?
TR: Think so. Before we break orbit, Joker is going to run a scan calibrated specifically to their movement patterns. It won't be perfect, but hopefully any stragglers we might have missed will be flagged.
GV: That's rather clever. Your idea, I presume?
TR: Yes.
GV: And what about the scientists?
TR: Most were dead. We did find a handful in one of the facilities. The head scientist offered to pay Shepard a lot of credits to let them go.
GV: Ah. I see.
TR: Exactly.
TR: I think she still would have preferred to arrest them – I mean, maybe that could have given the Alliance some intelligence on other facilities run by ExoGeni.
TR: But I also don't think she was exactly sorry when the scientists drew their weapons instead. We killed them all very quickly.
GV: Can't say I'm shedding tears over here, myself.
TR: You're a turian. Turians can't cry anyhow. Just quarians and asari.
GV: And humans.
TR: Right. And humans.
GV: I gotta say…so far, I'm not loving this cluster.
TR: Hah! Me neither. At least we only have one last system to scan.
GV: I can't wait.
Chat ended
