Most characters belong to S. Meyer. The rest belong to me.


Recalibrate

Bella

I was being watched.

I didn't give a fuck.

I gritted my teeth and continued with my exercises, focusing on working each of my muscles methodically, rigorously, working myself till I was dripping sweat and exhausted.

I dropped the pole I'd been using and grabbed my water, downing it.

Slowly but steadily, I was getting stronger.

Oh, I knew I'd never regain the health I'd had before. Withdrawal had damaged my body internally too much for that, even Clan couldn't handle nearly three days straight of bleeding, convulsions, fevers and purging in rotation. It had screwed my body permanently.

But I could be strong again, in a different way.

It was an apt metaphor for everything, really.

The old Bella could never come back. I'd have to build a new one.

I picked up the robe I'd discarded and slung it over my shoulder before heading inside to the bathroom to shower. I stripped off and stared at myself in the mirror. I was thinner - not something that had ever looked good on me - bruises all over me. Some from that unfortunate encounter with the abductors that had happened a lifetime ago, some from the convulsions and some from being held down as the convulsions hit, I guessed. I didn't care. They'd fade in time. Other things wouldn't.

Once I was bathed and changed, I went back out and headed to the forest, walking slowly, so that my minders could keep me in their sights as they followed.

Since that night a week earlier, I hadn't been back to the garden. I walked only in the forest, hoping to find the peace that continued to elude me. I needed that peace. Because without it, I didn't know what I was capable of. Without it, I was afraid of what I was capable of. Especially since I could sense that the confrontation was coming.

They'd left me alone this past week. I knew they were there, I scented them once in a while, but they didn't ever make an appearance. Elin took care of me, bringing me my broths, supervising my first bath, bringing me medicines. There were two Guard I didn't know from before who were always in evidence, somewhere in the background. One of them had been waiting in the forest that night.

I stayed in my room, in the garden or in the forest. I didn't go into Healer's. I didn't touch any herbs or offer to make my own broths and medicines. I didn't speak if I could help it. I spent my time building my strength. The first day I tried it, Elin watched and then disappeared for a long while. There was no need for concern. I knew what I was doing and I knew they couldn't object to it. It was as much in their interest as mine that I get stronger. The sooner I was able, the sooner the inevitable would happen.

Frankly, I had no idea how I'd react or what I'd say. I was so much more volatile and angry than I'd ever been.

I also didn't give a damn.

They made this. They could deal with it.

And it looked like they were going to because Healer Charis was waiting for me when I returned.

"You look better than expected." She said looking me up and down with a critical eye. "Recovery from withdrawal is usually quite a bit slower than the progress you're showing." I inclined my head slightly. I was uncomfortable in her presence for a variety of reasons, not least of which was the fact that she was the reason I was back in this place.

"Blame me if you will." She said, reading my mind - or possibly my face - as she sank into the chair by the door. "I'd feel the same in your position."

I poured some tea from the jug into two mugs and set one down in front of her without a word.

"I can't apologise for it, I'm afraid." She lifted the mug to her lips. We both sipped in silence for a while. "I do wish we'd met under better circumstances though. I have learned much about your work and your skill. You are a rare Healer indeed. You did what no-one thought possible. And while the Clan in me cannot accept it, the Healer in me stands in awe."

"Why are you here?" My voice was hard. She regarded me steadily before speaking again.

"To tell you that you will be seeing the Clan Leader today. Do you feel able?"

"I didn't know I had a choice." I said.

"People are more sensitive than you think." She said. "Given what you've been through, if you don't feel ready-"

"I'm ready." I said. Are they?

"I thought you might be." She put her mug down and got to her feet slowly, hobbling to the door and opening it. "Freedom comes in many forms, young Bella. You will find yours again." She smiled gently at me and was about to leave when I blurted suddenly,

"Thank you. For seeing me through the withdrawal."

"It was my honour." She said gravely. "Truly."

I sat on the bed after she closed the door.

Oddly, there was a small kernel of peace in me now.

OOOOOOOOOO

There was a knock on the door. Elin glanced at me and then went to open it.

Clan Leader Carlisle stepped into the room. To my mild surprise, he was on his own. Elin bowed to him and left, closing the door behind her.

He looked at me long and hard. I looked right back at him, not dropping my eyes or looking away.

"Let's walk." He said quietly, leading me through to the next room and then out into the garden. I kept pace with him as we walked slowly, staying within the garden parameters, doing a wide circle.

"I am glad you are better." He said after a while. "We were all worried for you. The withdrawal was worse than we had expected." I inclined my head but said nothing.

"Your friends are anxious to see you. Elin will be bringing them in over the next day to meet you."

I didn't want to see them. I had nothing to say to them. I had nothing I wanted to hear from them.

"Give them the chance to talk with you." He obviously saw the look on my face. "They want to say goodbye." He stopped walking so I did too, turning to face him.

"We will be leaving for Volterra in two days." He said, watching me. How did he think I'd react, I wondered, throw a fit? Protest, resist? It didn't matter where I went any more.

"Edward wants to see you too." He said softly, eyes searching my face. Once more, I didn't drop my eyes or look away. "He's been waiting."

"As you wish, my Lord." My voice was toneless. He was silent.

"He's your mate, Bella."

"Isabella." I said, automatically. Bella was gone.

"Isabella. Edward is your mate." He said, his voice a little harsher this time. "You will see him."

"Yes, my Lord." I said. His eyes narrowed.

"You will have to come before the Council. Rejecting a mate and running from the Clan is serious."

"I understand, my Lord."

"Damn it!" He said sharply. "You're pushing my patience. I'm not the enemy here. We aren't the enemy. You're one of us, you're mated to my son. I'm trying to help you."

"Am I free to leave, my Lord?" I asked regarding him steadily. He stilled.

"No." He replied quietly.

"Then you are the enemy. My Lord."

My words seemed to strike him. He stared and then looked down.

"What happened to you, Isabella?" His voice was troubled. "Why this?" I didn't answer him. I owned no-one any explanations, whether they were Clan Leader or not. He sighed.

"The Council will want an answer, you know."

Well, the Council had better be used to disappointment.

"When we are in Volterra, we will speak again, you and I." He spoke briskly now. "There will be some rules put in place." No less than I had expected. I inclined my head in assent. "That's all for now." We'd come full circle around the garden and were back by the entrance to Healer's. We both went in and he was at the door before he turned around to look at me.

"The floor not as interesting any more, I see." He said, a wry smile on his face.

"I have nothing to lose any more." I replied, looking at him steadily. His smile faded and then he was gone.

OOOOOOOOOO

I was sat at the window seat, looking out at the garden, when I scented them and heard Elin's voice.

"Some guests to see you."

The door clicked shut and I turned my head.

Damian, Karline and Emily stared at me. I stayed where I was, just looking at them. No one spoke.

I'd let them go thinking I'd never see them again. I'd expected to feel nothing. I hadn't expected this gentle sadness as we stared at each other.

I wasn't as numbed as I thought I was, apparently.

Karline was the first to speak.

"You look like hell."

I almost smiled.

"It hasn't been a picnic." I said. Again, silence.

"Jacob told us about the withdrawal." Damian said finally. "Are you alright?" I nodded.

"I'm glad." He said, a small smile on his face.

"How are you? How's Belle?" I asked looking at Karline.

"What do you care?" Emily said abruptly, sharply. Damian put an hand on her arm and she closed her mouth. I said nothing.

"Belle's good, growing." Karline said. "I'm alright. I've been worried sick about a friend of mine." At that and the concern in her eyes, I looked away from them back out at the garden.

"So what, you're just going to ignore us now?" Emily's voice rose. "You don't think you owe us anything, is that it? We don't even qualify for an explanation?"

"Em—" Karline tried to soothe her but Emily's anger rolled out.

"We were only your friends, after all. Only the people who've loved you and been with you all your life. Clearly of no importance. Look at me." She demanded. I turned my head again, meeting her angry eyes. She searched my face for a good long while and then the fight went out of her.

"Who are you?" She whispered. "I feel like I never knew you."

I said nothing. There was nothing to say, really. Emily seemed to realise I wasn't about to speak because she spoke again, her voice hard.

"You were okay to leave us without a word. Well, okay. That's what you chose. So I don't feel so bad about doing the same." She turned and slammed out of the room and I could hear her footsteps heading away down the corridor.

"Damian." Karline looked at her mate who immediately headed for the door, turning briefly to nod at me before leaving.

"She's hurt." Karline said quietly.

"I know."

"We all are, Bella."

I swung my legs down from the window seat and rose slowly.

"It was never about you."

"No." She nodded. "But we weren't enough for you to want to stay."

I couldn't deny that. It was true after all and I could see that she knew it.

"You could have talked to me." She said, her voice low. I did smile then, an ironic smile, one that felt strange on me.

"You know I couldn't." I replied softly.

And this time, she couldn't deny it. And she could see that I knew.

We were silent and then she came to stand next to me, both of us side by side looking out at the garden.

"They're taking you to Volterra."

"I know."

"How do you feel about it?" She turned her head to look at me.

"Does it matter? They're taking me anyway." I said and something about the tone of my voice made her move closer as if to hug me, but then she hesitated and dropped her arm.

"They won't harm you. They're good people." She said softly, reassuringly. I didn't respond. That didn't matter much, either.

"You need to eat." She said suddenly. "Are they feeding you properly? What am I saying, of-course they are." A sudden grin lit up her face. "I hope the broths taste like the cats piss you always give me." I shook my head, but couldn't stop my lips from lifting in a small smile.

"Will you be alright?" She looked at me again. I turned.

"I don't know."

She looked down and then back at me.

"Well, you won't get rid of us easily. I'm here, we're here, if you need us." She tried to keep her voice light-hearted while I tried not to flinch away at her words.

"I should go and help Damian control Emily before she does something daft." She joked. She came towards me to hug me but I backed away automatically, causing her to stop and look sad.

She headed for the door as I watched from where I stood, stopping half way across the room to look back at me.

"Find your way to us again." She said quietly. "You're far away, and I don't mean Volterra. I just hope it's not too far."

OOOOOOOOOO

It was twilight and I was sitting in the garden quietly, tickling a random cat that had wandered in when I scented him.

I was glad I'd learned to control my reactions, practiced self discipline, because that scent was so heady that in other circumstances, I'd probably have done something very different. I hated that this is what the mate bond reduced me to - a pile of quivering hormones without thought or sense, that it wouldn't matter who the person was if there was this bond. So I pushed back at it hard and got it under control with an iron grip. When I turned, my expression was impassive.

His was not.

This was the first time I was seeing him after the withdrawal. The first time he could smell my scent. And I could see its effect on him. He was inhaling deeply, his emerald-green gaze darkening, a nerve in his jaw jumping, his fists clenching, body rigid.

If anyone had needed confirmation, that reaction was it.

As it was, Jasper and Emmett, standing slightly behind him, were staring wide-eyed at the nape of his neck. His mate mark probably wasn't faded now.

With a visible effort, he got himself under control, swallowing hard.

"Are you alright?" He asked, voice husky.

I didn't speak, just nodded. I didn't trust myself to be calm. Seeing him had sent a flood of emotion through me, not all of it triggered by the mate bond. There was a fierce despair in me that was howling within, wanting to hit him and keep hitting him for doing this to me.

"Good." His eyes looked haunted for a second but it was gone in a flash. "Whatever you might think, I didn't like seeing you suffer."

And yet here I am, suffering. I turned away as the pain rose within me sharply.

"Don't." He said, his voice hard. "You don't get to turn away." I heard him move behind me and tensed, but then Jasper murmured something inaudible and he stopped.

"Fine." He said tersely. "I just wanted to see you. I'm going now."

I didn't acknowledge it or turn around.

"This isn't over." He sounded implacable, resolute. "We will talk again. We have all the time in the world, after all. Mate."


Review is only a click away!