Chapter 55: The Gryffindor and the Hufflepuff
The next morning when Tonks woke up and found herself wrapped in Remus's arms, she smiled with drowsy contentment. "Good morning," she breathed into his chest.
Remus was already awake. He had barely slept. He was in a very uncomfortable position on the sofa but had been unable to bring himself to wake his wife when she was at last in his arms. Remus blinked in surprise at her soft tone and then beamed down at her "Good morning," he replied.
The sound of his voice seemed to fully awaken Tonks and her light smile faded at once. She straightened herself, pulling away from Remus. "We slept out here all night?" she said.
"You fell asleep when we were sitting with your parents. You looked so peaceful. I couldn't bear to move you."
Tonks rubbed her stiff neck and then pulled the blanket from their laps, tossing it aside. She stood and stepped away from Remus towards the hallway. She turned at the last minute and looked back at him. "I wish I could just forget everything," she said. "I wish things could just go back to the way they were, but they can't, Remus." She paused for a moment to think. "And maybe the way things were, weren't that great anyway. We had issues then too. I just ignored them before."
"I know," Remus whispered. "Things need to change. I need to change. I can be better. I'm trying to be better. I would do anything for you. I love you, Dora."
Tonks gave Remus a steely look. "I know you love me, Remus," she said. "That's never been the problem."
"I know."
"And it's not you being a werewolf either," she added hastily. "You know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid you will set eyes on the baby and just run."
"I won't do that," Remus said.
"I wish I could believe you," Tonks said, "but history says otherwise."
Remus could not dispute her for she was exactly right. There was nothing he could do but to stay and in time hopefully prove to his wife that he would remain by her side.
"What if the child does have lycanthropy?" Tonks asked.
This was the first time she really said it with some concern in her voice; before she just challenged the ideas with so much certainty, but she was passed the point of sparing Remus's feelings.
Remus swallowed. "Then I will be incredible sorry and very sad," he answered honestly. "But I will stay with you."
"The moment I found out I was pregnant, I wished that the child would look exactly like you and behave like you, right down to your love of chocolate and beige jumpers. Now I hope the baby is nothing like you." Her tone was cold and hard.
Remus's expression was sobering. "That's probably for the best."
Tonks scowled. "I'm so afraid that you will see too much of yourself in our child and hate it, just like you hate yourself."
"I will look for you in our child. I couldn't hate any part of you and our child will be part of you." Remus did not bother to contradict her statement. She was absolutely right. He did hate himself.
A broken expression fell upon Tonks's face. "I want you to be able to love every side of our baby. They are going to be half you too. I'd hoped that you'd look at our baby and finally be able to see yourself clearly through them and love what you see. But now I know that I was being stupid."
Remus shook his head. "It's difficult to 'love what you see' when the whole world is constantly telling you that you're not worth a damn," he said, his voice full of bitterness.
"The whole world, Remus?" Tonks exclaimed. "The whole world?" Her voice began rising in volume. "I know you haven't been treated right. It's awful and not bloody fair! But you have been surrounded by people who think you're 'worth a damn!' Sirius, James, Lily, Harry, Dumbledore, the Order, and not to mention your bloody wife! Open your eyes for Merlin's sake! It's been so exhausting! Our whole relationship has been me trying to convince you that you are worth loving and cuddling you so that you can be in the right frame of mind for five minutes. And I'm so tired of it!"
Remus drank in her words like sour potion. He felt so torn as to what was best and what he could do. If he had caused her this much distress, his initial reaction would be to distance himself. But no, he had done that to disastrous consequences. "What can I do?" he asked apologetically.
Tonks let out a deep sigh. She approached him apprehensively. When she was right in front of him, she reached out with caution and a look of uncertainty on her face. She brushed her fingers though his thick hair. Slowly she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Remus inhaled sharply at the gesture, recognizing then how starved he was for her. He wanted to hold her tightly to his chest and deepen their embrace, but she pulled away.
Remus's disappointment and hurt was evident at the briefness of the kiss and the taste of his wife's pain lingered on his lips. "What can I do?" he asked again.
"Start by being my husband," Tonks said, "and not just on paper."
Remus nodded at once. "I've missed you," he breathed, knowing that it was an odd thing to say to someone he had practically been spending every minute with for the past several days.
Tonks dropped her gaze. "Same," she said nearly inaudibly.
"I think since you need to take a step back from the Order," Remus began, "I would like to as well."
Tonks pressed her lips together. "What about the cause?"
"I've given so much to the cause already," Remus said.
"More than most," Tonks agreed.
"Perhaps I can find another way to contribute," Remus continued. "My priors have changed."
Tonks nodded.
"Dora?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you like to do something with me today before the Order meeting?" he asked timidly.
"Haven't we been doing things together every day?"
"Different than the things we've been doing," Remus said, "no reading or listening to the news. Perhaps something outside your parents' house."
Tonks looked at Remus skeptically. "Are you asking me out on a date?"
"I suppose I am," Remus replied.
"And where do you suggest we go out in the middle of a war?"
"I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead," Remus admitted.
"Thought I'd say no?" Tonks asked.
"I hoped you'd say yes," Remus said. "Are you saying yes?"
"Yes."
"Do you fancy some breakfast at our flat?"
"Reckon it's safe?" Tonks asked.
"We could check easily enough," Remus muttered.
"Are you going to cook?" Tonks questioned.
"I think there are some expired eggs and stale bread in the kitchen," Remus commented.
The whisper of a smirk formed on Tonks's lips. "Mum made banana bread yesterday, maybe we can take some with us."
"At least let me make you tea," Remus said.
"Okay," she agreed. "I'll get ready."
Their flat was rather dismal with the upturned furniture, broken dishes, and rummaged through belongings from when the Death Eaters searched the place. However, with a quick charm Remus was able to assess that the place was deserted and safe for them to stay.
Tonks looked around sadly. "I suppose we can sort the mess," she said.
"We could do that," Remus agreed, though that was not really what he had in mind.
Tonks aimlessly wandered into the bedroom. She and Remus had been in a hurry the last time they had been here. They only had time to grab Wag and a few sets of clothing.
The bedroom was in the same state of disarray as the front room. In the confusion after Bill and Fleur's wedding, Tonks had not really taken in the destruction.
In the corner of the bedroom underneath a pile of clothing was the jewelry box that Remus had given Tonks for Christmas at Grimmauld Place.
Tonks pick it up gingerly.
It had been carelessly thrown across the room. The content of the book was emptied onto the floor and the lid was hanging on by one hinge. The beautiful quote carved into the front of the box flickered colors dimly.
Remus watched his wife staring down at the present he had given to her. Tonks's face was wiped of all emotion.
"They broke it," she said through dry lips.
Remus moved over to her and examined the box in her hands. "I can repair it for you," Remus said softly.
Tonks looked up at him and nodded.
Remus pulled out his wand and tapped the box with it. The wooden lid reattached, and the quote returned to changing beautiful vibrant colors.
Tonks silently read the words across the lid as they went from lime green to deep indigo. The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express.
"There," Remus whispered, looking over his handy work. "That's better, isn't it."
"Yes," Tonks breathed, running her thumb over the words.
"That quote made me think of you," Remus told her. Then very hesitantly he brushed back a stand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. "The only thing that rivals your physical beauty is of that what lies within."
Tonks sighed. "When you say things like that," she said, "it makes me feel confused because I'm still angry with you."
"I know you are," Remus said somberly, "and you have every reason to be."
"It's just so confusing and infuriating," she admitted, "because I both hate you and love you. I want to be over it, believe me, but I don't know how long it's going to take for me to forgive you."
"I'll wait," Remus said. "Forever if I have to."
Tonks snorted. "Hopefully, it won't take that long."
They spent the afternoon tidying their flat and set aside certain belongs that they wanted to take with them. Apart from extra clothing, Tonks grabbed her jewelry box and the foe-glass that Mad-eye had gifted them as a wedding present and Remus collected his journals and the camera Tonks had given him on their wedding day.
When they were done, Tonks flopped herself onto the freshly made bed. "How long until the meeting?" Tonks asked.
Remus checked his watch. "About an hour," he replied.
"Come lay down with me," she offered.
Remus was surprised but nodded and complied.
They laid side by side, both staring up at the ceiling. Their fingertips brushed up against each other's.
"You should tell me a story," Tonks suggested out of the blue.
A tiny smile formed on Remus's mouth. "What kind of story would you like to hear?"
"A made up on," Tonks mused. She turned to her side to look at Remus. "I want to hear a story about if we were at Hogwarts together."
Remus turned to face her too, propping himself up on his elbow and resting his head in his hand. "If we were at Hogwarts together? I'm assuming you mean as peers and not in some perverted student/teacher situation."
Tonks grinned despite herself. "What? Not into that stuff? You could have taught me seventh year and could have provided me private N.E.W.T. practice."
Remus rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't have needed extra help in Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"Exactly," Tonks teased.
"So if we were classmates," Remus said firmly, making Tonks laugh.
"You're no fun," she said.
"That's exactly what you would have thought of me then too," Remus played. "You would have thought I was no fun and wouldn't have paid me any notice. While I would have pined after you in secret."
"That's not true," Tonks said. "It would've been the other way around. You would've thought I was annoying, and I would be the one pining."
"In this story, are we the same age?" Remus asked.
Tonks thought for a moment. "Yes," she said. "Then we would've had classes together."
"Are you still in Hufflepuff?"
"Yeah," she said, "and you're still a Gryffindor."
"Okay," Remus said.
"Don't forget to start with 'once upon a time,'" Tonks reminded.
"Right," Remus agreed, taking in a deep breath. "Once upon a time, there were too Hogwarts students. One was a smart, funny, and very attractive Hufflepuff named Nymphadora Ton-"
"Remus," Tonks scolded.
"I'm telling the story," Remus told her with a grin. "So there was Nymphadora Tonks-" Tonks narrowed her eyes at him, "- and a rather quiet Gryffindor boy named Remus Lupin. The two children did not talk at first because they were in different houses but the Gryffindor boy noticed Nymphadora right away for her colorful hair and the fact that she often came to sit with her cousin, Sirius Black at the Gryffindor table. Remus also thought Nymphadora was very pretty and charismatic, but he was too shy to talk to her. Also, up until this point Remus hadn't spoken to many people and certainly not girls.
"Well Remus thought that 'Tonks' didn't notice him," Tonks said, "but he was wrong. She was impressed that he seemed to know all the answers to the questions their teachers asked. She also thought he was totally fit. She really wanted to talk to him, but he always seemed too absorbed in his books and journals. She was worried she would be bothering him and that he might not like her."
Amusement played behind Remus's grey-blue eyes. "So they wasted several months not talking to each other. However, Remus became friends with some boys in his house and one of them was Nymphadora's cousin, Sirius."
"Merlin help you, if you call me Nymphadora one more time," Tonks said.
Remus chuckled lightly. "Finally, Sirius introduced Remus to the cute Hufflepuff girl. He said, 'You're Nymphadora aren't you?' and the girl said…"
"Don't call me that unless you have a death wish," Tonks finished.
"As you can imagine, that terrified the already timid first year boy," Remus said, smirking, "but he was also oddly attracted to her threatening behavior." Tonks shook her head, entertained. "Then he asked what he can call her, and she told him 'Dora.'"
"I wouldn't have let you call me Dora right away," Tonks protested.
"Tonks then," Remus corrected. "It just feels strange to refer to my wife by her maiden name."
"I'm not your wife in this story yet," Tonks said. "We're only eleven."
"Right, of course," Remus said. "Anyway, despite the Gryffindor boy being slightly afraid of the Hufflepuff girl they became close friend because surprising they shared many things in common."
"What kind of things would they do?" Tonks asked.
"They would always sit together when their two houses shared classes. They would study together, and they were always partners in dueling club."
"And the Hufflepuff girl would win every time," Tonks added.
"Just because the Gryffindor boy would let her win," Remus said. "Afterall he did like her very much."
"That's not how it would happen," Tonks said. "We both know, that even in first year, I could beat you in a duel."
Remus raised his brows at her. "If you insist," he said.
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Why did the Gryffindor boy like the Hufflepuff girl so much?"
"Well," Remus said, "she was extremely kind to him and she made him laugh. He liked that she was intelligent and confident, and it also didn't hurt that she was very pretty."
"The Hufflepuff girl thought the Gryffindor boy was much kinder, funnier, and more intelligent than her. Though she was better at dueling, she didn't quite understand how she got so lucky to have Remus Lupin as her friend. But she wasn't about to question a good thing."
Remus smiled slightly at his wife, but his eyes looked sad. "Remus was the lucky one and he knew it. He liked the Hufflepuff girl so much, he could not stop thinking about her. His friends started to notice and teased him about it. Years went by and the two children stayed friends. They were best friends in fact."
"I bet we would have been best friends back then," Tonks whispered.
"I like to think so," Remus agreed.
"Then what happened?"
"Well the Gryffindor boy had a secret, and it was his worst fear that the Hufflepuff girl would find out and not want to be around him anymore."
"But he must have known deep down that that would never happen," Tonks said firmly.
"I don't think he did," Remus said. "Because he didn't want to be around himself and he couldn't imagine anyone else wanting to spend time with him if they knew his secret."
Tonks chewed on her tongue. "But the girl found out, didn't she?"
"Oh yes," Remus said. "Like I said, she was extremely smart. She noticed that the boy would disappear from classes every month around the time of the full moon. Then when he came back, he looked sick and tired for several days after."
"I think the Hufflepuff girl learned the boy's secret all the way back in first year, but she was waiting for the boy to tell her."
"Which he didn't do," Remus said, "because he was so afraid."
"Even though he had no reason to be," Tonks said in a hard tone.
"Well not with the Hufflepuff girl," Remus agreed.
"Not with the Hufflepuff girl," Tonks repeated.
"The girl got very tired of waiting for the boy to tell her his secret," Remus continued. "So one day, after a full moon, the girl skipped class and snuck into the hospital wing to visit the boy. The boy was so ashamed that she had to see him all scratched up and bruised."
"The girl could see that the boy was nervous," Tonks said, "so she decided to climb into the bed with him and-"
"And make him a hundred times more nervous," Remus interjected.
"No," Tonks said. "She would have wanted to prove to him that she wasn't bothered by his secret." Tonks scooted closer to Remus and slowly placed her head on his chest. Remus tensed beneath her. "She would have laid down like this," Tonks told him as she draped her arm around his waist, "and she would have told him that she knew that he was a werewolf and that she loved him, that she had loved him for a long time."
Remus carefully wrapped Tonks in his arms. "The boy would have confessed that he loved her too, practically from the moment he saw her."
"Then they would be officially a couple," Tonks concluded.
"Yes," Remus agreed. "And if you think I'm suave now, just imagine the kinds of romantic escapades I would have had in store for you as a teenager."
Tonks laughed. "You were a prefect. You could have taken me into the prefects' bathroom as your guest."
Remus stared down his nose at her. "I was under the impression that you'd met me," Remus said facetiously. "In what universe would you ever think I would have had the nerve to invite a girl to take a bath with me."
"Not even me?" Tonks teased.
"Merlin," Remus said, "especially not you. I would be much too intimidated."
"Ah," Tonks said. "I am pretty intimidating."
"That's what it would have been like," Remus concluded. "I would have been shy and awkward and for some reason that would have worked for you."
Tonks grinned against Remus's chest.
Remus pressed his lips together, thinking. "This is nice, isn't it?" he asked cautiously.
Tonks glanced up at him. "Yeah," she agreed. "It's nice."
XXX
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