Chapter 55

Clarke knew that she shouldn't have been surprised by Octavia's coldness, but she was. Octavia had always been more Grounder, more Trikru, than she had ever been Skaikru. Clarke never faulted her for that. She couldn't. Octavia found a freedom to live on Earth that she never would have found on the Ark. She couldn't blame her for seeking approval and affection from a people that welcomed her with open arms as she soon as she was deemed worthy. Hell, even Clarke knew that, too. Lexa had shown her another side to the Grounders, another way of life, a better way to survive than what she'd been taught. She was a hybrid in thinking. Octavia was, too, but she would always default to the Grounder mentality when things got hard. Her sense of morality was based on theirs, not the Ark's like Clarke's. It wasn't causing a problem them now, but it had in the past. And, she knew that Octavia was fighting everything in her body to go drag Cooper out and skin her alive, or give her death by a thousand cuts, letting the bunker also have their vengeance on her. And, Clarke knew it was only because she was still by Octavia's side. She was supporting her.

The only thing that she wasn't surprised by was the words that Octavia spoke to Miller as they burst, there was no other word to describe in Clarke's mind, into the office and Octavia's quarters. Octavia wanted peace, but Clarke knew that she wouldn't find it inside the bunker. She had half a mind to convince Octavia to go with her to "their" house and stay there until the funeral. Clarke would arrange for provisions to be brought to them, including Octavia's Blodreina gear. But, Octavia shut all that down when she told Miller that no one, absolutely no one was to disturb her. The added part where she stated that she "didn't care if the bunker was on fire," she was to be left alone.

Clarke shot him a sympathetic look. He merely nodded at Clarke and then saluted Octavia. His clear and loud, "Sha, Osleya," had been enough for them both. Miller took his duties carefully and Clarke was appreciative of that. But, before Miller was out the door, Octavia told him one more thing. He cocked an eyebrow as he waited for further instruction.

"Ignore anything and everything that you might hear coming from inside tonight. If we don't come out for lunch, then you can beat the door in. Until then, I am...we are not to be disturbed for any reason. Seek out Indra instead."

He nodded again and closed the door behind him. Clarke turned, cocking her head to study the wounded Octavia before her. She'd seen her wounded physically. She'd seen her wounded mentally. But, this was on a whole new level. She wasn't sure if she should or even could touch Octavia. She gave her a little room, but Clarke stayed close enough to be there if Octavia needed her.

As they moved around, Clarke ended up between the chairs in front of Octavia's desk. She watched the brunette paced the room for a minute before she turned to see Clarke. Octavia moved like a panther. Any other time Clarke would find it sexy and very alluring, right now however, she wondered what Octavia was actually thinking as she closed the gap between them. Before Clarke could do anything, Octavia was in her space, pinning her to the desk.

"O?" Clarke tried to get through to her.

Green eyes watched her in wonder. Clarke wasn't scared of her, and she hope that she conveyed that. She could see the pain and the anger swirling in Octavia's dark green eyes. Her pupils were huge, and Clarke could help but think that Octavia was aroused.

"Octavia?"

The brunette didn't answer with words. Instead, she took another impossible step forward and put herself directly between Clarke's legs. Her hand reached up. Clarke could see the hesitancy in her movements. She didn't flinch as she felt Octavia's fingers brush across her cheek. She kept her eyes on Octavia's. She couldn't help but melt into the incredibly soft touch, but she could still see the torment in her eyes. It was like she was touching Clarke to keep herself grounded, to prove that life was worth living and that love wasn't weakness. How Octavia conveyed all that with a single touch, Clarke didn't know. But, she felt herself falling more and more for Octavia.

She reached her hand up and covered Octavia's with her own, holding it there against her cheek, as she still searched Octavia's eyes. She knew the brunette was grieving. She could feel it in the slight tremble of her hand. She could feel it coming off of her in waves. She'd seen it before. She'd felt it before, but this was different, more tangible, more visceral. Clarke didn't move her hand though. She kept it on Octavia's. She didn't blink. She didn't think that she could. She was watching everything that she could in Octavia's face, trying to see what she could do for her, as her eyes remained trained on hers.

Finally, Octavia leaned into her more. Her lips lightly brushed against Clarke's. It was the first time honestly that Octavia initiated anything between them, and Clarke reveled in it. She knew that Octavia was letting them lead their relationship, and she understand her reasoning. She appreciated it. But, they had already consummated their relationship.

Octavia kissed her, deeper as she pushed into Clarke's body. It was like she needed to be part of Clarke. She needed the blonde's warmth. She needed to feel her against her body. Her hand moved down from Clarke's cheek to her neck. She held the blonde steady as she continued to kiss her deeply. Clarke barely had time to breathe as Octavia continued to push closer and closer. Her tongue asked for permission for the briefest of moments before Octavia just plundered Clarke's mouth. The blonde moaned into the kiss and accepted everything that Octavia took and gave her.

Octavia's hand kept moving. And, before she realized what was going on, Clarke was lifted, by her thighs, and unceremoniously dumped on her ass on the top of the desk. There was only a small break in their kiss as Octavia brushed everything else off the desk. She pulled Clarke to the edge and held her there. Still between her legs, Octavia pushed against her core, fitting herself into Clarke's pelvic notch. The sweetness was fading and a raw, unadulterated need was coming forth quickly. Clarke couldn't help the moans that Octavia was eliciting from her. She knew that she needed to do something before Octavia did something that they both might regret.

Clarke reached for Octavia's waist. The brunette didn't stop her. Instead, Octavia backed up just a little, just enough, to look into Clarke's sapphire eyes. She could see the questions, but she could also see the trust, the passion, and dare she hope love. As Clarke's hands settled on her hips, Octavia's resolve completely broke. Clarke didn't see it coming as Octavia ripped Clarke's shirt over her head and off her body. Clarke gasped, but she didn't move.

Octavia descended on her again. She buried her head into Clarke's neck. She nibbled and bit as she kissed Clarke's pale neck. Her hands wrapped around Clarke's body, holding her tightly, fingers digging into the skin and muscle of Clarke's back. She was craving the warmth and the softness that Clarke could give her.

Clarke could feel her fingers digging into her back. After a few moments, Octavia's fingers drug across her back until her arms were wrapped around her completely. She could feel the desperation that Octavia was trying to hold back. Unable to stop herself, Clarke reached up and pulled Octavia's face further into her neck. She buried her own fingers in Octavia's chestnut hair and let her short nails massage the brunette's scalp. Octavia moaned into her throat.

Clarke leaned her head back to allow her better access. Octavia took that as permission to continue her assault there as she bit down, hard, at the junction between Clarke's throat and her shoulder. Clarke winced at the sudden pain, but then began to moan as Octavia started to lave the area with her tongue as she sucked on the same spot. Clarke moved her fingers from Octavia's head to her hands that were on either side of Clarke's ribs.

Finally getting one hand latched her own, Clarke moved it up to her chest. As soon as Octavia's hand felt the warm, pliable flesh beneath her roughened hand, her head snapped up from Clarke's throat to look deeply into burning cobalt eyes. Still holding Octavia's hand, Clarke smiled at her as she squeezed down. She was giving Octavia permission and the brunette could see it in her eyes as well. Clarke just stared at her waiting for her to do something more.

Clarke looked down at the hand on her breast and realized that she still had on her bindings. She looked back up into Octavia's eyes, daring to encourage her further, but Octavia didn't take the hint. Instead, she just stared deeply into Clarke's eyes like she was afraid if she blinked that Clarke would just disappear from her grasp.

Clarke knew that she had to help Octavia passed whatever threshold was holding her back, so she moved her hands from the back of Octavia's head down to her hips. As her fingers began to skim just inside the brunette's leather pants, Clarke's fingers landed on a hidden knife. She wrapped her fingers around the hilt and pulled it out. Octavia's eyes went wide as Clarke raised the knife between them. Clarke watched her as she moved, giving Octavia time to move, but the brunette stayed amazingly still. Clarke smiled as she grabbed Octavia's tank and cut it open from her chest to her navel, making sure that she cut the bindings too. When she flicked her eyes back up to look into Octavia's green, she gave her a self-satisfied smirk, hoping it would urge Octavia on further.

Octavia reached out and took the knife. Clarke just cocked her eyebrow as she watched the brunette cut away the blonde's bindings. Clarke kissed her as she did so, even biting Octavia's lower lip. When she pulled back to look at her again, Clarke watched as Octavia raised her arm, the blade of the knife in her fingers. With a flick of her wrist and barely any movement of her arm, Octavia tossed the knife into the wall. It stuck with a thud. Clarke couldn't hold back her laugh, but Octavia silenced her with another kiss.

Octavia didn't see the need to hold back anymore. She let everything pour out of her as she touched Clarke. She didn't care about her shirt. She had more. She didn't care about the bindings. She could replace them, and she would have to replace Clarke's as well. No, what she cared about was the fact that they were both naked from the waist up and she couldn't wait to feel more of Clarke. She knew that she'd already had the privilege to touch her, but this was different. This was more carnal, more needy, and there was no softness in her touch.

"It's okay, O," Clarke told her. "Touch me. I won't break."

And, that was all it took. Octavia shoved Clarke onto her back against the desk top. She loomed over her as let her gaze flick over the pale skin before her. Her fingers dug into Clarke's sides. She could feel each breath that Clarke took through the lattice work of her ribs. She knew that there might bruises in the morning, but for now, she didn't care. She needed to have Clarke, to have something real, to have something to love and to have something love her back. She knew that Clarke could give her all of that.

She dropped her head between her breasts. Clarke held her as she felt the soft tears flow from her lover's eyes. She didn't push Octavia. She would give her what she needed. She didn't even care that the desk was digging into her lower back. She relished in the feeling. Octavia made her feel alive again, and if she could give her half of that in this encounter between them, she would, gladly. So to let Octavia know all of this, she laced her fingers, softly, combing through her silky strands. Octavia squeezed her tighter.

Clarke moved one hand down from her brown locks to her back again, digging her fingers into Octavia's flesh. Pulling her closer and closer, letting Octavia try to melt into her, Clarke moaned into the feeling of being needed so completely again. Then, she suddenly felt the nips and bites that Octavia was giving her pale flesh. She knew that the warrior was marking her and she didn't care. It would be low enough and very easy to cover up. To make sure that Octavia knew that she was there with her, accepting of all her need, rage, or whatever, Clarke moved both hands down until she found the pliant flesh of Octavia's tight ass. She dug her fingers in and pulled Octavia impossibly closer. She succeeded in pulling Octavia more on top of her and the desk.

Octavia nipped her way up from Clarke's bare chest to her throat as she pulled down into the blonde. She relished in the feeling of the woman below her. She felt Clarke's acceptance and her willingness to be the balm that Octavia needed. She was thankful for the blonde beneath her and pulled back to look at her in the eyes. She needed to make sure that she wasn't hurting the former leader with her weight or need or roughness.

Azure eyes smiled back at her as Octavia just stared. Clarke realizing that Octavia needed more assurance, lifted her head up to kiss her. She deepened the kiss, pulling Octavia's head to her own and holding it there. Every time that she tried to back away, Clarke would simply bite her bottom lip and pull her back into the kiss. Thrusting her tongue into Octavia's mouth, she was rewarded with a primal growl. It finally made Octavia stop questioning.

She pulled back enough to look back into Clarke's blown sapphire eyes. There was something primal in Octavia's eyes. Clarke could barely see any green left as her eyes were blown.

Octavia moved quickly. She moved her hands from the desk, where she was holding herself up, to under Clarke's ass. She lifted her deftly and Clarke wrapped her legs around Octavia's waist. The warrior queen made sure that Clarke's weight was secure around her before she started moving towards her quarters. She wanted Clarke, and she wanted her bad, but she knew that blonde deserved a bed. Clarke on the other hand didn't really care. She wanted to help Octavia and she didn't mind the roughness between them. To make matters worse, she bent down just enough to put her lips at the base of Octavia's throat just as they were passing through the doorway to the bedroom.

She bit down hard. Octavia fumbled just a bit at the pleasure that ran through her body. She spun Clarke into the wall beside the door, still holding her up off her feet. Using the wall to help her hold Clarke's weight, Octavia bent down and bit her back. This time, harder than any before, knowing that she was marking her. She could taste the slight tang of copper, so she let go. Instead, she shifted her thigh between Clarke's leg. She instantly felt the warmth there and moaned. Clarke moaned as well as she ground her center down on Octavia's leg.

The fire burned brighter and hotter between them. Clarke kept grinding against Octavia as she tried to literally push her into the wall. Octavia kept at her throat, sucking, biting and marking. There would be no hiding what they'd done later, and neither could bring themselves to care. Clarke slammed her head against the wall as she pulled away from Octavia. Her body bowed into the brunette as she rode out her orgasm against Octavia's thigh.

Sweat dripped down their backs. Octavia kept her eyes on Clarke's as she came. She couldn't help herself, she couldn't look away from Clarke's face, so she didn't. She just kept helping Clarke as she rode her leg, hoping and wondering if she could get her to go again.

Clarke wasn't spent. She was keyed up now that she'd cum, and she wanted to make Octavia cum, too. She tried to drop her legs, but they felt like jelly. It also didn't help that Octavia's smirk was right in her face as she squeezed Clarke's ass harder. Octavia didn't want to let her go, but she could feel Clarke trying to move her legs. Instead of allowing the blonde free, she adjusted her grip and pulled her closer as she spun them away from the wall.

Octavia almost rushed to the bed. She dropped Clarke on it unceremoniously. Clarke gave her a smirk and a cocked eyebrow as she watched Octavia. Staring at her pale skin, Octavia reached down for her pants and tore them from Clarke's body. They were tossed over Octavia's shoulder without any fanfare or clear destination. Neither of them cared where they went. Clarke just wanted Octavia back on top of her. And, Octavia just pounced on her. Clarke was totally nude and she couldn't wait to feel Octavia completely against her skin again. As soon as Octavia was on her, Clarke wanted her naked as well. Instead, Octavia moved down her body, letting her fingers map the skin below them.

"Octavia," Clarke whined.

Octavia paid her no heed. She kissed and nipped her way around Clarke's body, memorizing every inch. Her fingers tightened and pulled at Clarke's body. The roughness that she had been trying to keep at bay broke through. She knew that she was going to be using Clarke's body to get her release, but hearing her cum moments before against the wall drove her own need now. She needed to claim her, to own her body, to make sure that Clarke knew that it was Octavia that would care for her body, mind and soul now; that it was Octavia that would make her cum and scream to the high heavens in pleasure; and that it was Octavia that would be there for her until their deaths.

She moved down Clarke's body to her breasts. Rough palms tested their weight and rolled her nipples. Fingers pinched and pulled at Clarke's body, causing her to moan deliciously. Octavia was no longer careful or sweet with her touches. They were all demanding and rough. She dragged her fingers down her sides until they met the indentions above her hips. Resting her hands there, she descended to Clarke's breasts with her lips. Taking almost the same route, Octavia marked her pale skin, again and again. Her knee was planted, for the moment, securely in Clarke's core, as she slowly used her own body weight to make Clarke cry out for more with each movement.

As she neared Clarke's naval, she caught the triumphant smell that was purely Clarke as it flowed from her core. Spurred on by this scent, Octavia had to keep her eyes from rolling in the back of her from the knowledge that she was causing the flood there. But, her needed to claim Clarke, to make Clarke hers, drove her deeper and towards Clarke's core. She nipped at both hips, still holding them tightly and couldn't help the howl that came from her own lips when she finally saw Clarke dripping with need. Her own wants forgotten, Octavia dropped to the floor beside the bed on her knees and pulled Clarke to the edge.

A hand on each ankle, she grabbed her legs and placed them over her shoulders. Opening Clarke further, she feasted on upon the woman before her. Diving down, Octavia ravaged the blonde with her lips, with her tongue, with her entire mouth. Clarke cried out to the gods in both Trigedasleng and Gonasleng, bowing with each strike of the tongue, each nibble of lip, and each scrape of her teeth. Octavia was relentless. She never let Clarke rest as she pushed and pushed her further and further into oblivion. Octavia was finding her joy in Clarke's rapture.

It took Clarke forcing her legs clsoed around Octavia's head and locking them in place to make Octavia take a breath and relent. Clarke panted and sucked in much needed breath as Octavia finally gave in and crawled back up her body. Their eyes met, again, Clarke's glassy blue trying to focus on Octavia's vibrant green. Octavia couldn't look away. She saw their future, a life together with children, in Eden with peace.

"You have too many clothes on," Clarke lamented as she pulled Octavia closer.

Octavia scoffed as she rolled to one side. Keeping her eyes on Clarke, she pulled her own trousers off and dumped them on the floor beside the bed. Cocking an eyebrow at the blonde, she wondered what Clarke thought she was capable of doing to her in her blissed out condition. She didn't have to wait long. As she crawled back up on to the bed like a panther stalking its prey, Clarke made her move. She quickly wrapped her leg around Octavia's and flipped her onto her back on the bed.

"Sometimes, even the best of us need to lose control," Clarke told her.

Before she realized what was happening, Octavia was spread eagle on the bed and Clarke was sitting on her hips staring down at her body like she was a feast for Clarke after she had been in the desert for weeks without proper rations and Octavia fought her own need to squirm. While she held Octavia's steady and emotional eyes, Clarke reached up and dragged her finger tips down Octavia's body. She wasn't as hard as Octavia had been with her, but she could see the red welts starting to form from her ministrations.

Octavia wanted to buck and throw Clarke off of her, but the blonde figured out the perfect spot in which to be mounted on her. The smile that she gave Octavia told the brunette just to lay back and enjoy, but Octavia had forgotten how. She didn't know how to let her worries go and let someone else hold her up. Clarke wasn't going to let her keep it all in tonight. She wanted to her to let it out. She needed Octavia to break, and she was going to be the person that drove her to it.

Leaning forward, she kissed Octavia hard. It was rough. It was mostly teeth and tongue, but she pulled sounds from Octavia that she'd heard before. She wasn't sure that Octavia had ever made those noises either. Regardless, it spurred Clarke onward. She took. She pulled and pushed. And, eventually Octavia crested several times before Clarke even went down on her. Making Octavia cum was one thing; getting her to break emotionally so that Clarke could put her back together before they marched for Eden was something else.

As Octavia came again for the last time that night, Clarke held her. She could see and then feel the tears that came from her eyes. She held Octavia tightly and let the brunette weep in her arms. She gave her the comfort and the safety that Octavia secretly craved and emotionally needed. She threaded her fingers into the Oselya's hair, holding her head close to her own throat, as she whispered words in Octavia's ear. She rambled on in both Trig and English as she felt Octavia finally relax. Her hands were either in Octavia's hair or on her tattooed and scarred back as Clarke held her close, on top of her, giving Octavia some little bit of control back.

"Shh, O. Tonight we mourn our way, together, until we can't anymore. Tomorrow, we mourn with the bunker and send Ethan to the spirits, freeing his soul. Then we seek justice against Cooper and the rest that supported her. And, finally, we go home to Eden, even if we have to take it by force. We will have our peace, Octavia. I promise you that. We will live in Eden and we will have the peace that we have been fighting for since we landed back on Earth."