I was sipping on a hot drink, standing on the balcony as I enjoyed the mountain view. Despite being alone, I was deep in thought, waiting for Leliana to appear, knowing her first question was going to be what I was thinking about. I knew why she would ask, and I would have a question or two of my own. She appeared no more than a few minutes later after thinking of her, as I'm sure she knew when I was. Feeling her kiss my cheek then cuddle into me, she asked, "Are you thinking about what's going to happen soon?"
"I am wondering if I should show mercy. After everything I said to you in Valence, I almost feel like a hypocrite now what we're going to do him."
"Uhtred, after what he did, I think he should be glad the punishment will not be worse. Yes, it is a horrible way to die, but what he was on the verge of doing to you, to our friends, and to all of Thedas pales in comparison. Justice must be seen to be done. I have already seen you show mercy to our enemies."
"I will admit, I do worry what the people will think."
"The people know who you are already, Uhtred. You are honourable, kind but also forthright and unflinching. You gave him a chance to defend himself, justify his actions, perhaps even repent. He chose not to. He chose to be arrogant and unyielding. So you must do the same in regards to the latter. You have made your judgement. Follow it through."
I glanced at her. "And you will save me afterwards?"
"You caught me when I fell. I believe I can do the same for you."
I leaned across to kiss her. "Thank you. I will talk to him one final time. I will at least listen to any plea he has to say."
"I will go with you."
I finished my hot drink before heading out. I must have looked intent on doing something as I received more than one question about what I was doing, with Cassandra and Cullen quickly joining my side, assuring them I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Heading down the cells, the guards had kept him exactly where I wanted him. A dark, dank cell. He was given food and water but, otherwise, he was left in solitude. We were not cruel, as he was given a bed and sheet, and a bucket for his ablutions, but other than that, he was left alone with his thoughts.
Cullen opened the gate and I stepped inside. Erimond sat with his back against the wall. He had not been allowed to shave since being thrown in. His clothing was now rather dirty. Yet he still managed to look at me with nothing but complete arrogance.
"Come to mock the condemned man, Inquisitor?"
"No, Erimond. I have come to ask if you are prepared to repent for your sins. If you were to show just an ounce of contrition, I may be tempted to change my judgement. You will still die, but I will endeavour to make it quick. I will not see you suffer if you at least show me some humility."
He spat at the floor near my feet. "I hold you in nothing but contempt. I hold all of you in contempt. And I will watch from the heavens as Corypheus burns you and all you know and love to the ground."
I shrugged. "Very well. I was conflicted, Erimond, about what we were going to do today. I am conflicted no more. You will burn, Erimond, and I will stand there and watch, content in my judgement."
I turned and walked out of the cell. I thought he might have been brave enough to try and attack me, but he stayed sat with his back against the wall as Cullen closed and locked the cell. "Commander, before he is led out, make sure he is shaved and placed in some simple clothing. If he wishes for the last rites, he may be given them. Otherwise, he has one hour left."
"Yes, Inquisitor. I will have people sent down now."
"Make sure he is kept shackled the entire time. I don't want any last minute hiccups."
"Of course, Inquisitor. He will remain under guard until the very end."
I headed back into the courtyard when the long pole and firewood had been gathered. There was also a wooden platform he would be led up so he could be tied easily to it. I stood there with Leliana, again thinking about what we were doing. I'd seen people burned before. Not in such a manner, generally I'd seen people immolated on the battlefield. I knew the one thing people would remember from this day would be his screams. But, to be honest, after that brief meeting, I'd hardened myself to it. I wouldn't find enjoyment, I'd find satisfaction. Word would spread of what we would. The Inquisition would restore order and take the fight to Corypheus, and his allies had better beware the consequences of their decisions going forward.
Finding myself joined by others, I listened to their comments. There was still no major disagreement, though one or two suggested they would not stand and watch, believing it was justice but not a public spectacle. I didn't really want anyone to actually stand around and watch it happen unless they had a strong stomach.
Soldiers were soon making final preparations. Ropes were spread out to hold back people and form a clear path from the cell to the platform. It was still early morning when the condemned was finally led out. Everyone in Skyhold had been told that this was a solemn occasion. There would be no taunting or mocking of the prisoner. If he said anything, we would turn the other cheek. His words would mean nothing.
Led up onto the platform, he was not offered a chance of final words. Someone like him did not deserve the honour. Instead, he was gagged, and refused the offer of a blindfold. Bound to the pole, I met his eyes and it was the first time I saw fear. Perhaps he thought this was all a ruse, that I would order it to stop and I would simply take his head. If that's what he thought, he had misjudged.
Once everything was prepared, the crowd was ordered back further as fire was lit, and soon the firewood around the platform was smoking, and it didn't take long until it was ablaze.
The next few minutes were ghastly, even I can admit that. I'd seen prisoners executed before. I'd seen their heads cut off, I'd seen men and women hang, I'd seen ritual disembowelment. Seeing someone burn at the stake? It's a horrible way to die. People watched as long as they could manage until his screams were simply too much, but if he did suffer, it wasn't long, perhaps not even long enough for some people. Once his body was in flames, that was it. Once I was assured he was dead, everyone turned away and simply waited for the flames to die out. What remained of his body would be ground into ash and taken to a nearby ledge, simply dumped over the side.
What I needed after that was a drink so I headed straight to the tavern. It was rather quiet inside, so I grabbed a tankard and sat in the corner by myself. It wasn't a great surprise to be joined by Bethany, who sat next to me on the bench, nursing a glass of wine. "Marian will be here shortly," she told me, "She was staying to see Erimond put to death. I don't think she'll be here much longer."
"And you?"
"Oh, you're not getting rid of me that easy, Uhtred. I will be the Warden liaison. I will send my men out wherever you need them. We've had reports of darkspawn activity, particularly up near the Storm Coast, so I've sent small teams out already. I'm holding back a larger percentage as I know the darkspawn have something cooking. I can feel it."
"Do you think what I did was right?"
She laughed at that, leaning over to kiss my cheek. "I'd have choked him to death with my bare hands," she whispered, before sitting back, "So yes, Uhtred, you made the right judgement. That bastard deserved a hell of a lot worse for what he did to my Order. I can fault Clarel for her decision, but the influence was obvious. I sympathise with what happened to her in the end."
"If she had survived, I would have told the Wardens to leave. No way I could have trusted the Wardens with her still in charge."
"We would have replaced her anyway. She would have been marched to Weisshaupt in disgrace."
"Well, I'm glad you're staying around, Bethany."
She shuffled closer and leaned her head against me, wrapping an arm around her and she sighed. "Me too, Uhtred. I'll be here until Corypheus is dead. I'm not walking away this time."
Hawke turned up a few minutes later, grabbing a drink before taking the available chair to my right. "You two are looking cosy."
"Taking the opportunity to relax. Don't get many chances nowadays," I retorted gently.
"I would take that advice to heart, but I'm sure Bethany has already told you. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going to find Merrill first, then head to Weisshaupt. The Wardens need to know what's going on, and considering their isolation, news will take forever to reach them."
"You can have one of our best horses for the journey. Reckon you will make it back?"
"Of course, Uhtred. Even if Corypheus is already dealt with, I won't be a stranger." She sipped at her drink, something definitely on her mind. I could read her eyes easily. "I guess I should mention something I've kept secret. Considering everything we've been through, I guess I should be honest."
"Oh, this could be interesting…"
"I ran into Isabel during one of my adventures since leaving Kirkwall."
"Okay, now that is interesting. How was it?"
"Awkward. Obviously she was ready to kill me for revenge. As I've always said, I wouldn't blame her for trying. So we ended up in a fight. Had to almost knock her out before she saw some sense. Ended up in some tavern like this and talked things out. Put it in terms she would understand. I won't say she completely understood, but the important thing is she knew she'd hurt and betrayed me. She said I'd done the latter back to her. I said that was the whole point. But she knew she was at fault. At least she admitted that, so maybe she did learn something."
"Was I mentioned?"
"You were. We were two peas in a pod, Uhtred, so anything I said represented your opinion as well. She just assumed you supported me because you were in love with me." She sipped, and I knew she was hiding a smirk. "Which I already knew about, of course." I definitely readied myself to say something. "Don't. You don't need to say a word. I was flattered you developed those feelings for me. But as much as I loved you in return, it wasn't the sort of love where it would develop into a physical relationship at the time, and then the sort of relationship you enjoy again with Leliana. Things have obviously changed now but... at the time, things were different."
Bethany laughed. "Bloody hell. Fall in love with me. Fall in love with my sister. And you fucked our cousin as well! You certainly get around the Hawke and Amell family, Uhtred."
"Well, Mother always thought he was handsome. Do you like older women, Uhtred?"
I was surprised Hawke could joke about that, but I guess it had been long enough that, between friends, it wasn't a sensitive topic. "I wouldn't have said no." I cleared my throat. "Was I that obvious, Marian?"
"No, you weren't. But I just assumed and, the longer we lived together and you didn't move on, and this was before Leliana returned, I was left thinking you had developed some feelings for me. I won't lie. I enjoyed the attention and affection you did give me. After what happened with Isabela, I needed it. I needed to be loved again." She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Those feelings were returned," she whispered, "But I didn't know how to express them."
I smiled at her, wrapping an arm around her too. Anyone who walked in would have found it amusing, my left arm around one sister, my right arm around the other.
"Anyway, back to the Inquisition. I've got the Wardens, Uhtred. What are your plans?"
"Leliana is trying to organise an avenue of approaching the Orlesian Empress. If we can get the support of her, then we will have the backing of the largest empire in Thedas, and that will certainly gain us more friends and influence. But I'm still focused on tracking down Corypheus himself. His fingers are everywhere, but of the man himself, nothing. So if necessary, I will knock down each of his pawns until I reach the king."
"This time, just make sure he's dead," Hawke muttered.
"I'll do my best."
"Any word on a Divine?" she then asked.
"No idea. I think the Chantry is in complete disarray. From what Leliana has told me, there are numerous competing factions wanting to put who they support on the Sunburst Throne. Leliana and Cassandra have suggested the Inquisition could prove pivotal in who could be the next Divine."
"Anyone in mind?"
"Honestly, none at all. I will leave such things to those who know what they're talking about."
"What about Evelyn?" Hawke wondered, "She's still known as the Herald. I think she could be accepted as a new Divine."
I shook my head. "No, after what we learned in the Fade, she's found remaining the Herald difficult enough. Taking the Sunburst Throne would be too much for her. Leliana has had a private chat to her about it, feeling her out about the subject. She didn't want to be the Inquisitor; she'd be even less inclined to be Divine."
"Well, you've already been a kingmaker, putting Aedan on the throne," Bethany added, "No reason why you shouldn't be the one to choose the next Divine."
"Let's just see what happens. Perhaps the Chantry will manage to get its own house in order without needing to rely on us to do another thing for it," I muttered.
Hawke drained her glass. "Well, I'm going to go spend some time with Varric before we go. He's still dealing with what happened in the Fade. Scared the shit out of him."
"I know. I've had a quiet word. He won't admit it, but he's glad you came through with me."
"Loghain was a bloody hero. Any sins he committed were forgiven with that decision."
"That he was, and that he had. I will ensure that there is a grave for him back in Denerim so people can now pay their respects. I'll get there soon enough to speak with Anora. I've sent her a letter but… I should really speak to her about it. Let her know what happened. It may bring her peace."
"Make sure you come see me off tomorrow, Uhtred. Not sure when we'll see each other next."
"One of my famous hugs?"
"It will help me until I'm with Merrill again."
I couldn't help chuckle. "I'll make sure I see you off, Marian. Don't you worry."
"And you too, little sister. I don't care if you are otherwise occupied." I glanced at Bethany as she pulled a face, Hawke walking away, laughing to herself.
"Not like I'll be with anyone anyway," she muttered under her breath.
I gave her a look. "Bethany…"
She held up two fingers. "These are the only things getting me off at the moment, Uhtred." Something definitely crossed my face as she giggled, leaning into my ear. "Yes, I remember doing that for you too," she breathed in my ear, "Do you remember?"
I definitely gulped, needing to take a drink before saying a word. "Aye, I do."
Feeling her breath along my lip, her lips almost touched my ear. "Still think about you now when doing it."
"Now you're just teasing."
She laughed lightly, sending a shiver across my entire body. "Of course I am! But I'm also telling the truth."
I glanced at her and she had a satisfied smile on her face, but I could read her eyes. If I'd wanted to, I could have bent her over the table and she would have enjoyed every second. And I knew I would have to. So I returned fire, leaning into her ear. "Do you miss me, Bethany?" I whispered. She made an affirmative noise. "Miss being in bed with me? Miss the intimacy?"
"Maker yes," she whispered.
"Miss my lips all over your body?" She breathed deeply and nodded. "Miss my mouth across your breasts, trailing down your body, all the way down your sex?"
"Now you're being mean," she breathed.
"As mean as when I used to tease you until I finally use my mouth on you? What did you prefer, Bethany, my fingers or my tongue?"
"Tongue. Maker, your tongue was so good."
I wasn't touching her. I wasn't going to touch her just yet, but I could read her body language. She was completely and utterly turned on. "I always knew what to do, didn't I, Bethany? Always found the right spot to make you cum. But that was just the start, wasn't it? Then I'd slide my cock inside you, all the way in. You always loved that."
"Miss it so much," she breathed, noticing her hand had disappeared inside her trousers. I still wasn't touching her, and I glanced to see we were being ignored.
"What did you always like, Bethany? Nice and slow, or hard and fast?"
"Maker, I just wanted you to fuck me hard, Uhtred. Just like I want you to fuck me now. I really need you to fuck me right now."
I stopped, because she wasn't only begging, almost pleading, but when she looked at me, my heart broke. Because we'd done a lot of teasing, but there was a need in her eyes that told me her feelings for me were as intense as ever. I'm sure mine looked the same. My heart was beating faster than ever, or so it felt.
"Maker, even I'm getting a little flustered over here," Hawke murmured.
"Sorry," Bethany said quietly. I added my own apologies.
That made Hawke laugh. "Please, I know what my sister is like, and I know you well enough, Uhtred. You're just not hiding anything any longer. You're just being… you. And I know how much my sister loves you."
"You want him again before you go?" Bethany asked. We both looked at Hawke, who immediately looked away. "I bet Leliana would agree. I'm certainly not going to get jealous."
"I'll think about it," she whispered, before leaning across to kiss my cheek, "I'm going to see Varric. You two have fun."
Once she disappeared, I turned back to Bethany, who still had colour in her cheek, her eyes full of mischief and desire. "So, think about me, do you?"
She grabbed my hand and slid it down the front of her trousers, little surprise a couple of my fingers came back wet. Then she waited a few seconds before springing forward to kiss me. About damned time, I think we both probably thought. The only reason we didn't end up fucking is that it was rather public. "My room?" she asked.
I nodded eagerly. It made her giggle as she grabbed my hand and led me outside, walking briskly towards the tower she now called home.
Once I had her naked, which took all of a few seconds, desperate as we were, I practically threw her on the bed and lowered my mouth. She was hot, wet, and ready to go. Anything she moaned, or perhaps cried out, was barely legible, simply judging her body movements to know when she was going to orgasm. When she grabbed my hair tightly to keep my mouth in place, almost grinding her pussy into my mouth otherwise, that's when I knew she was going to blow... big time.
I kept going until my jaw was sore and she didn't whether to beg me to stop or keep going. When she murmured enough was enough, only then did I slowly kiss up her body before gazing into her eyes. I knew I'd satisfied her, as though the desire remained, I could see the love for me at the same time. "Well, I needed that," she whispered.
"Anything else, Warden Bethany?"
That made her giggle. "You're not leaving here without fucking me, Uhtred."
Let's just say, the next couple of hours were a hell of a lot of fun, a real reminder of times spent in Kirkwall. She'd always loved it on her knees, head buried in the pillows, practically mounting and rutting her. But we both loved it when I laid back and she rode me. Half the time, I never knew where to look. Back in Kirkwall, we spent quite a bit of time trying new things, and I had a feeling she would like to experiment quite a bit more with me.
Cuddling into me once we needed to stop, both of us exhausted, she whispered with a giggle, "Definitely need to give my arse a good seeing to soon."
I gave her a gentle squeeze. "True, but I did enjoy what we just did."
"Just remind me to take a potion in the morning. Haven't had to do that much lately." Only then did she meet my eyes again, and the remaining pain still lingered. I kissed her forehead to earn a smile. "Still wish sometimes. It's hard not to..."
"Me too. We'll always have that regret."
My last night with Marian wasn't how it was suggested by Bethany. She came to my quarters but we spent most of our time on the balcony, reminiscing over old times, and also our hopes for the future. We were given complete privacy, even Leliana didn't appear until after Marian disappeared. We were not intimate, but that final kiss was… something else. All our feelings for one another in one simple gesture. When I held her, and felt her shudder, she almost got me going too.
"Going to miss you," she whispered.
"Can I be honest?" I felt her nod into my head. "I don't want you to go. I left last time because I thought it was the right thing to do. Do you really need to do this?"
"I have to. Like you said, it's the right thing to do. And I can't stay, Uhtred. Because if I do…" She paused and I heard the catch of breath. "It will be too difficult. I'm sorry."
"Never apologise. It's not easy."
We held each other for what felt like hours. I didn't want to let her go. And I had a feeling she didn't either. But she eventually suggested that sleep was needed before the next day. I walked her through my quarters, out into the hall, and down towards her room. She had already packed, so all she would need to do is dress, have breakfast, then mount up and go the next morning. On the threshold, we kissed again. She broke down as we did. "I want you to stay with me," she said, another deep shuddering breath, "But if you do, I know I won't go."
"Then I won't stay." Caressing her face, running fingers through her hair, the smile that appeared… "I love you, Marian."
The lower lip trembled. She managed to choke out the same words in return before we hugged a final time. Then she let me go, gently pushed me backwards, and quietly closed the door in my face.
I had to wipe my cheeks on the way back to my bedroom. I didn't want to say goodbye.
"I haven't seen him all morning," Cassandra stated.
"He's usually on time. Perhaps he is unwell?" Leliana asked.
"Anyone else seen him about?" Everyone shook their head. "Okay, we'll convene at a later time. I'll go see if he's alright. Bethany, no matter what, we will need to talk as your men will finally see some action."
"Good. They're really champing at the bit to fight some darkspawn, though if it's Venatori, I don't think they're going to complain about that either."
Cullen had made himself at home in one of the towers that split the walls around Skyhold into sections. Most of them had been repurposed for accommodating soldiers, but also held weaponry, food, and piles of crates and bags of anything the Inquisition could think of that it needed. The door into his private quarters was closed, and I heard nothing after knocking. Now rather worried, as it was very unlike Cullen to be hiding away in his quarters, I slowly opened the door.
He was sat at his desk, forehead resting against his hands. I gently closed the door behind me. "Cullen?"
He looked up and I was shocked at how pale he looked, his forehead beaded with sweat. "Inquisitor?"
"We were wondering where you were, Cullen. The morning meeting was meant to start a few minutes ago."
"Oh… sorry, Inquisitor. It's just…"
I took a seat across from him. "What's wrong?"
He swallowed, his eyes unfocused for a moment, before he sat straight. "As leader of the Inquisition, you…" He trailed off and sighed. "There's something I must tell you, Dragonborn."
The fact he used my name concerned me. Any time one of my advisors used either my first and surname, I knew it would be a private matter. "Cullen, I don't like seeing you like this. You are important to this Inquisition, but more importantly, you are a friend. Whatever you have to say, I'm listening, no matter what the topic is."
He cleared his throat. "Thank you." He slid the small box in front of him into the middle of the table and opened it. I didn't recognise anything in it, simply looking at it then looking at him. "Lyrium grants templars their abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer… Some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the mages here. But I… no longer take it."
"You stopped?" I asked, not because I knew he'd been taking it, but the fact he'd stopped and only now appeared to be having a reaction.
"Yes. I stopped when I joined the Inquisition. It's been months now."
"I could ask why, but I know you would have your reasons, Cullen, and I knew you would not have taken such a decision lightly. But it's been months and you haven't said a word. You've not complained. Not seemed any different."
"Why would I say anything, Dragonborn? I chose to do this. My choice, my consequences." He hadn't been looking at me until he added, "After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn't…" He paused, and I saw anger rise for a moment, banging his fist onto the table. "I will not be bound to the Order, or that life, any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it. But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. So I have asked Cassandra to… watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty."
I didn't care about any of that. I leaned forward. "Are you okay, Cullen?"
"I will endure, Dragonborn. Just like you have done many times during your time on Thedas."
I leaned back. Honestly, it wasn't any of my business. If he thought this would help him, but also the Inquisition in the long run, then he had my respect. "Thank you for telling me, Cullen. And I respect the hell of you for doing this."
"Thank you, Dragonborn. From you, it means a lot. But while I do this, the Army of the Inquisition must always take priority. Should anything happen… I will defer to Cassandra's judgement."
"Okay, I trust Cassandra as much as I trust you. But please, Cullen, if you need my help, all you need do is ask. I rely on your far more than you probably realise."
"I understand, Dragonborn," he stated, taking back the small box and placing it in a bottom draw. Out of sight, out of mind. "But Cassandra will have an understanding of what I am going through. The Templar Order and Seekers share a number of similarities regarding their structure. She just isn't a lyrium addict."
"Neither are you."
"No, I'm not, and I won't be. Just… this morning, it really hit me for the first time. I apologise for not attending."
I waved that away. "Not necessary. Are you ready to join us now though?"
"Yes, Inquisitor. Let's go."
He didn't say anything else as we walked up to the main building, noticing he took a cloth from his pocket to wipe his brow. "Are you in pain?" I asked quietly.
"It comes and goes, Inquisitor."
"Is there anything you can do besides lyrium?"
"Possibly, but I must fight it like this. I don't want to stop taking lyrium, only to then rely on something else as a crutch."
"If you need anything…"
"Thank you again, Inquisitor, but I will prevail."
Walking through the grand hall, if anyone noticed anything different about him, they didn't make it obvious. He was certainly paler than usual, but other than that, he walked with purpose as always. Walking into the war room, Leliana, Cassandra, Josephine and Bethany were already waiting for our arrival. Cassandra didn't always attend, but after what Cullen told me, it made sense. And if the others noticed anything, they also said nothing. "Are you okay, Commander?" Josephine asked, clearly not in the know.
"Yes, Josie. I'm well enough."
I glanced at Leliana. "Before we get into matters regarding the Grey Wardens, I believe you have a subject you would wish to broach."
"I do, Uhtred." She now just called me Uhtred all the time. I didn't mind at all, telling the others to call me my name, or just Dragonborn. They didn't, of course. "I am of the belief that we should attempt to contact Alistair Theirin. He disappeared from Vigil's Keep well over a year ago now, taking with him Warden Natia Brosca. I have had my agents scour Thedas for any sign of him, particularly the western regions after what happened in the Western Approach. I thought considering the influence of Corypheus, he may have been corrupted. As he was not with the Wardens there, I have been led to believe he is even further west."
"And the purpose of this contact?" Cassandra asked.
"I have been led to believe that Warden-Commander Alistair is looking for a cure to the Calling. I believe he learned of certain events in Kirkwall regarding Corypheus and the timeframe suggests that he set out between then and what happened to us in Haven."
"Is a cure possible?" I wondered.
"Fiona was cured of being an actual Warden, so I believe there could be a cure. How Alistair is going about it, I have no idea. But I believe we should make contact, inform him of what has transpired, and perhaps seeing if he would be willing to help us going forward. But all we can do is try."
"Well, I think we should establish contact and see what happens from there. Do what you can, Leliana. That's all I can ask."
"I'll have my agents start looking immediately, Uhtred. They won't rest until he is found."
"Good." I looked at Josephine. "You're up next, Josie. I understand you have received a request pertaining to the Grey Wardens."
"Yes, Inquisitor. A Marquise Effiloche Bouffon, of Val Gamord, is finding her town besieged by darkspawn. Unfortunately, as she had despatched her forces to help with the Inquisition, and I can assure you she has been a close supporter since day one, the town has been left with few defences. Word of the redemption of the Grey Wardens has already spread. She has asked if the Grey Wardens could be sent at once to liberate Val Gamord, and it may result in further work for the Wardens, should they find a source of these attacks."
"If the darkspawn are managing to besiege a town, then they must have found an exit nearby," Bethany stated, "At your word, Inquisitor, I will organise the men and ensure the request is met."
"Unless anyone else has something for the Wardens, I'm ready to order the Wardens away immediately." I looked around the table. No-one had anything. "Okay, Bethany, get your men organised."
Bethany departed without a word, and I already had a feeling she might have decided something else personal. "Anything else?" I asked the others.
"One word of caution, Inquisitor," Cassandra stated, "While the Wardens seek redemption, it may be wise not to commit their entire forces too early. Their number is now limited due to losses sustained at Adamant, and it will be a long time before they can begin a real recruitment phase. We can't afford to lose all of them over the coming months. I don't believe there is a Blight approaching, but better to be safe than sorry in case such an event occurs."
"I trust Bethany to make the right choices, Cassie." She pulled a face. "Cass?"
She groaned. "I'd rather that than Cassie, Inquisitor."
She knew I was only joking regarding the former. "Anyway, I will give advice but I can't and won't step on her toes regarding this. She is now their commander and must be seen taking command." Cassandra nodding. It wasn't a rebuke, just explaining my reasoning. "Anything else?"
"Dagna has asked to speak with you, Inquisitor," Josephine added, "She wishes to learn more about your experiences in the Fade."
"Ugh, I'd rather not remember. Has she asked anyone else?"
"Of course. She's already spoken with Evelyn, Solas, even Sera…"
"And she still wants to speak to me?"
"She likes you, Uhtred."
"Thank you for reminding me, Leliana."
"I don't mean like that, but I don't see you go speak with her very often."
"Aye, that's true, but whenever I do, she's usually involved in one experiment or another. Found myself dragged into being an experiment more than once."
"I think it's just a conversation, Inquisitor. No experiments… I think…"
"I'll go see her right after this, Josie. Any other business that needs urgent attention? No? Good. Then all we need do is carry on. I'll chat with Bethany later. I doubt her Wardens will be leaving before tomorrow, maybe even the day after. We still need word back from Scout Harding about the Emerald Graves. And, of course, there is the Orlesians."
"Still waiting to hear back from my contacts, Uhtred. You will be the first to know when I have something solid."
"Okay. Dismissed for now. Anything you can think of that needs looking into, just come talk to me about it." They all left except for Leliana, who simply wanted a hug, resting her head on my shoulder. "And how are you?"
"Happy is the best word to use, Uhtred. It is a simple word but can express most of my thoughts."
"Good. Now while I would like to stay here like this most of the day…"
She gave me a soft kiss on the lips. "You go be the Inquisitor. I will have you for a few hours to myself tonight at least."
"I'll see you tonight."
We headed out together, sharing a last kiss, before she disappeared through the door leading up to the tower as I headed out to talk to Bethany first. We discussed who she would send and how many, and she realised communication between Skyhold and the Wardens was the most important thing. She then added what I wasn't expecting. "Part of me thought I should go with them, but there are many officers within our ranks who are more than capable of leading. Unless you think I should go…?"
"It's your choice, Bethany. I can't tell or order you what to do. What does your gut say?"
"It says I can trust my soldiers. That I need to remain here and help the Inquisition while also leading the Wardens."
"Has Warden Blackwall offered his services?"
"No, and I was not expecting him to. He has offered his services to the Inquisition, directly to yourself. Until his service is no longer required, only then will we readily accept his return."
"So you wish to remain here while some of your men go?" She nodded. "Okay, just keep me informed of their progress. I'm sure Leliana will already be planning on scouting out the region, though I'm sure she can tell you plenty about Val Gamord before the day is out."
I turned and was ready to walk away when she asked, "Were you expecting me to go?"
"Honestly? Yes. Because I know it might be easier sometimes than... you know…" I grabbed both her hands, stepping close. "Bethany, I know this is difficult. We were together for years and now… it's different… a little weird, even I can admit that."
"It's why I'm not going, Uhtred. Because then I'd be leaving for the wrong reasons. I need to trust the soldiers under my command, trust they can do the job without me babysitting them. A Warden-Commander is not always out in the field. He or she will usually remain at base, directing those under their command as they see fit."
"I trust you to make the right decisions going forward, Bethany. I'm not going to second guess you."
"Thanks." I turned to leave again when she called my name. When she handed over an envelope, I did wonder what it was. "We said goodbye to Marian the other day. When you walked away to give us some privacy, she asked me to give you this. Guess she had things to say she simply couldn't verbalise."
"I'll read it later," I told her, placing it in the breast pocket of my jacket, "And I'll discuss your plans later as well."
"Of course… Inquisitor."
Heading back inside, I could only groan to myself before entering the Undercroft, as I knew I was about to be inundated with a million and one questions, Dagna was going to get overly excited about absolutely anything to do with the Fade… and I felt a little bad, as being a dwarf, she wouldn't dream, so would know nothing about it. And I guess the fact we'd been there physically was at least interesting. Not something I'd ever want to do again, but I could understand why she wanted to talk to nearly anyone about it.
Seeing me walk in, she knew exactly what I was there for, dropping her tools and practically running towards me. "Are you here to tell me all about it?" she asked rather excitedly.
"Yes, Dagna. Can I at least sit down first?"
"Oh, yes, of course. Um… there should be a clean spot around here. Why not by the waterfall? That's somewhat relaxing, at least."
I found a chair for both of us, sitting us close the railing as she immediately perched herself on the edge of the chair. "So… You were there! The Fade! As in you, physically! I have to know what it was like! The colours, the smells, the magic!"
"And you haven't heard all of this from others?"
"Of course, but it's just so exciting, Inquis…"
"Uhtred."
"It's just so exciting, Uhtred! You all went into the Fade! I can't even dream about something so magical." She paused and seemed to lean forward even more. "Can I take a sample?"
I knew I gave her a look as I asked rather carefully, "A sample of what?"
She leaned back, laughing to herself. "Oh, that sounded so sinister, didn't it? I mean, can I cut a little piece off of you and do things to it?"
"Still not sound much better."
"No, not really. But do you understand what I mean?"
"Um… yes, I do. How about I cut off a little hair, but I'll also jot down on paper everything I saw, smelled, fought, that sort of thing."
"It's a start. I already have a plethora of knowledge from the others. Solas was brilliant, as I expected. We talked for hours about what he saw. Evelyn as well. Varric… well, being a dwarf, I can understand why he didn't particularly enjoy the experience. And Sera… I think she used curse words and your name together more times than I care to remember, Uhtred."
"Aye, she hasn't been happy with me lately. But she was left shaken by it all. I've given Evelyn space because of it. I enter a room and Sera just stares daggers at me. She'll get over it eventually."
"Can I ask a favour? Unofficial for now, you'll probably have to clear it with the others first."
"Sure."
"I know what happened at Adamant was awful for everyone, but I'm sure there is a wealth of material left behind. I was hoping to form a team and go there myself to take samples and gain a better understanding of the Fade, but also of the Fade Rifts and other material that might end up helping you in the end. I doubt Cullen will actually want to provide an escort, but I was hoping you could… soften him up for me."
"Let me talk to him and the others, see what we can organise. Do you really have to go? The Western Approach is dangerous. I'm sure you can look after yourself but…"
"That's why I want some soldiers with me. I do my work; they stand around looking all mean." I couldn't help chuckle as that was all I did half the time. "I take that as you will think about it."
"As I said, I'll have a chat with Cullen. We have plenty of soldiers. I'm sure he can spare a few."
"Thanks, Uhtred. This is all very exciting."
I let her get back to whatever she was doing, and I didn't even bother asking, as I doubt I would have understood half of what she told me anyway. But she seemed happy in her work, and that was what mattered. She'd struck up a working relationship with Solona at the same time. She didn't seem put off by the fact she was Tranquil, I guess used to dealing with them from time to time.
Heading to my private quarters, I shut the door for some privacy, Gawen immediately appearing, though I told him I was fine for the time being. Sensing I wanted to be alone, he immediately headed downstairs, no doubt telling any other steward not to disturb me. I headed outside to the balcony, taking in the view for a moment, before pulling the envelope from my pocket, opening it and taking out the letter.
Dear Uhtred,
I'm writing this a few minutes after you just left the threshold of my bedroom. I'm doing this because I know I won't tell you even half the things I want to really say before we part a second time. Many of the things I want to say you already know, as we've talked about what has happened between us since that first day we met more than once.
I can honestly say that the near ten years we spent alongside each other in Kirkwall were some of the best of my life. Sure, we both suffered sadness and tragedy, but along the way, there were plenty of highs, laughter, danger, and love. The best time, though, was when you moved in with me. I know it was only because of the worst of reasons, but from the day you moved in, my life was just… better. And after what happened with Isabela, you were simply my rock. The shoulder to cry on. The arms to comfort me. The voice to soothe me. I'll never be able to thank you enough for getting me through those difficult times.
I sometimes wish I'd stopped you from leaving Kirkwall. I now sit back and wonder what may have happened if you had not. Would we have been at the Conclave? Or would we have ended up somewhere else entirely, solving the problems of another city, or maybe even a country? It was one of the main reasons why I left Kirkwall. You were no longer there, and it just didn't feel the same. When Merrill suggested we leave, I agreed immediately. As I said, she's always known.
What I believe is that this is the role you were brought here for, Uhtred Dragonborn. If anyone can lead the Inquisition to victory, restore order to Thedas, and just simply save the fucking day in the end, it's you. I would love to have remained by your side until the very end, but I think we both know it just wouldn't be possible. And it's not because of why I'm leaving…
You have Leliana, and I have Merrill, and we are each in love with that person. But we both know that we also love each other. I've known of my own feelings for a long time. But while we love each other, we both know it's not the same love for our partners, but it's also stronger than I think either of us can readily admit. I've never felt this depth of feeling for any man in my life, as it is different to the love I felt for a father or brother. It is the love I would feel for someone I wish to be with in other ways. It scares me a little. That night we shared… I think about it constantly, and I know I want it to happen again. I know I'm no longer confused but… it's difficult even to write here all my thoughts.
So I feel the need to create distance. Bethany can handle being close to you. She's far stronger than she gives herself credit for, and she will eventually find someone to be with if your situation doesn't work out. But I still look at you and simply wonder 'What if?' There are so many, I simply can't list them all here, though I'm sure you can figure out a few of the basic questions.
So after I report to Weisshaupt, I'm not sure what I will do. I may return to Skyhold in the future. Part of me is sitting here, writing this, thinking I'm a fool for leaving. But I know it's for the best. I may end up simply wandering Thedas, helping right wrongs and helping the innocent, just like we once did in Kirkwall. Wherever I end up, know you will always be in my thoughts. My dragon warrior. The man who fought at my side. The man who sacrificed everything to protect me. The man who I knew would die for me.
The man I know I will love until my dying breath.
Keep safe, Uhtred. And I will pray to the Maker each day that he gives you the peace that you so richly deserve. And may the Maker always guide your path in whatever happens in your future.
I love you, Uhtred Dragonborn, and I always will,
Marian
A/N - Comments and reviews welcomed as always.
