The title here is my own little joke based on a portmanteau of SNAFU and FUBAR, two military acronyms. Disclaimer: I don't own Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Danganronpa, or Dead Rising.
Jojolion Chapter 29: SNAFUBAR
Several soldiers got a shock when they tried gunning down Ian, only for him to survive due to being a Stand. "Nice try, but I'm bulletproof!" He rushed at the group and easily bowled them over with his girth. "We haven't really been contributing much in these cases," Ryota noted. "Well that's to be expected," Ian pointed out, "I'm only slightly stronger and faster than the average athletic man. I wasn't created to be a powerhouse, I was created to be a copycat." That gave Ryota an idea. "Do we still have that picture of Sergeant Mason?"
Rome got a call on his two-way. "What's up?" 'It's Mason,' came the voice of his partner, 'We're ready for the transport. Head for the Wonderland Plaza and we can rendezvous.' Rome looked surprised. "I thought the exit strategy was out in the park." 'Too many hostiles in the area for that,' Brock pointed out, 'We need to rethink our strategy.' Rome considered it. "Guess you got a point. I'll meet you by the coaster entrance." He hurried over to the location in question, and spotted his partner. At least, he resembled him.
It was in fact Ian, having used their knowledge of Brock from the dossier to mimic him. Ian's aura, which made those in his presence ignore his size while his mimicry was active, even worked on Stand users, as evidenced when Chisa wasn't able to tell the difference. "So where are we relocating to?," Rome asked. Ian smiled. "You really are too trusting." He quickly dropped the disguise, Ryota stepping out from behind him. Rome was gobsmacked by the deception. "Damn! I wasn't told about any Stands with disguise powers!"
"And here's more trouble for you," Ryota said as he snapped his fingers. Out of hiding came Hajime, Akane, Kiyotaka, and Hiyoko. Rome grimaced. "Dead or Alive!" He called forth a few zombies, only for them to get deep-frozen instantly by Hiyoko's power. "Cold As Ice!" The cold snap also damaged Rome a little. Akane leapt to keep up the combo. "Down Under!" She landed right on Rome's back, knocking him to the ground. He tried to get up, but found Kiyotaka and Hajime standing over him.
"Try to get up and we won't hesitate to end your life," Hajime said. "But stay down and you'll simply be knocked out and taken into custody," Kiyotaka chimed in. "And don't think summoning more zombies will help," Ryota pointed out, "All four of my friends can take them down faster than you can make them." Rome grunted, then gave a resigned sigh as Hajime punched him right in the jaw, knocking him out instantly. Almost immediately every zombie and zombie corpse disappeared in puffs of smoke, leaving the mall free and clear.
Brock noticed what was happening as his men got the containers loaded into the chopper loaned to them from the Steering Committee. "Damn... They got to Rome. Get the goods to their intended recipient! Seems I have a few final loose ends to tie up here." "What should we tell the recipient?," a private asked. "Depends on whether I make it out of Willamette of my own free will," Brock said as he readied his weapons. He knew he was going up against dangerous odds. His Stand was useless for combat or defense. On the other hand, he was a trained soldier, so he felt it was balanced out.
He hurried back into the mall. It was largely empty, the zombies having cleaned the corpses and taken what was left with them when they vanished. Aside from the eerily empty mall, you could hardly tell there was any sort of outbreak. As Brock walked through the mall, he heard the sounds of running footsteps and fired in that direction, only to hit nothing but air. "This ain't no FPS kids!," he called out, "I'm an elite soldier! I'll hit you eventually!" "I take offence to being called a kid," Kyosuke said as he stepped out.
Brock immediately opened fire on him, only for every bullet to get cut down by Shiroyama's power. "You may be an elite soldier," Kyosuke said, "But a well-trained squad of Stand users can easily take down a platoon of Navy SEALS. But let me ask you... Where did you get your Stand from? You were a normal human prior to this incident, and all seven arrows are in Speedwagon's possession." Brock smirked. "You think those are the only things that can give Stand power? My benefactor had me prick myself on the remains of an ancient sword. The blade was broken down all the way to the hilt."
"The remains of Anubis," Josefumi noted as he emerged from his hiding place, "The actual Stand was sent to the bottom of the Nile by Mom, but it looks like the sword it was kept in was retrieved by your bosses. But let me ask... Why join up with them?" Brock chuckled. "I've heard about Stand users on the internet. You guys are something of an urban legend. When I heard I had that same potential, I just had to try it out. The money I got in advance didn't hurt either." "Then I hope you already spent it all!," came Makoto's voice as he leapt down, smacking Brock hard with a spin kick powered up by his Stand.
Brock rubbed his mouth in pain. "Stupid kid..." He opened fire, only for the bullets to bounce off Makoto. "Ooda-Booga Boogie stores kinetic energy in my body," Makoto pointed out, "While it's charged I'm practically indestructible, especially against most forms of ammunition. And as you've seen..." He struck Brock in the jaw a second time. "I can release the energy for powerful attacks. Then the energy starts charging again." He pulled back his fist. "And it doesn't just work on my legs!" He proceeded to attack at very high speeds.
"SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE SORE!" He made one final attack before quipping, "Sore wa chigau yo!" Brock slumped to the ground, completely knocked out. "That was an intense attack," Kyoko said as she walked up to him. "Yeah, but it comes with a downside," Makoto said, "It uses up all my stored kinetic energy. If the target somehow survives it I'm wide open." Kyoko chuckled. "You're definitely more than you let on. That makes you quite interesting in my eyes." Makoto blushed as Kyosuke and Josefumi snickered.
"Excellent," Honami said as she beheld the items. One was a stone slab, one a katana, one a chalice, one a set of mirrors chained together, one a doll, one a twin pair of scissors, one a spoon, and one a key, each of them elaborate. "These are the items, then?," Ichigo asked, "So when do we use them?" "When I understand them," Honami said, "It's not wise to mess with things one has no knowledge of, so first I'm going to do some research. Once I am confidant I know how they work... Then I will unleash their power."
"It will be some time before Willamette is available for residence again," Shining said to Joseph, "But with the infrastructure still intact, recovery shouldn't take more than a year." Joseph nodded. "Good. I spent quite an investment on that city. What of the artifacts from Granddad and Aunt Twilight?" "Sadly they were stolen," Shining said, "I've read up on the history of those artifacts. I can't believe such a terrible era existed without the history books making mention of it." "Most of the reason was because of greater events happening at the same time," Joseph pointed out, "Or because they were so small in scope they escaped notice."
He closed his eyes. "But Granddad knew it all. He inherited half of those artifacts from his father, while Aunt Twilight got the other half from her own birth father. They did some research and tried to keep the artifacts separate. That was the reason for the special containers. But if anyone were to decipher the slab, and gather the other seven in one location... It would bring forth terrible powers that once caused catastrophe. And I fear someone intends to do just that. The question is... Who?" He picked up a nearby camera. "Hermit Purple!" Tapping the camera, he looked at the picture that developed and narrowed his eyes. "Get this photo to Kakyoin. Immediately."
So Sato's plans do get off the ground. You know what they say, you can't thwart Stage One. But we're not yet down with this arc, since there's still some time in the year. Read and review.
