Chapter 29
They arrived at the park early Saturday for the team photos. The parents of their team was glad their game were scheduled before the game instead of after when the kids would have gotten dirty. Luke didn't really care one way or another if Shelby's uniform was clean. Sure, he cared for her school pictures, but if it involved sports, it didn't matter. With sports, one can get a little dirty, especially if it's a kid. Over the last year of being a parent, Luke learns to back off whenever his kid and dirt crossed paths. As long as Shelby wasn't eating or licking it, it didn't matter.
Luke and Rachel agreed Saturday night would be the best time to try having Shelby sleep over at Rachel's. One, the kid was usually tired from T-ball, and being tired may help her be able to sleep through the night. Plus, she needed a good night's rest the night before her game, and if Shelby did struggle, she wouldn't be awake enough and able to focus during the game.
Luke thought it would be best if he brought Shelby over there. He made sure Shelby had everything she needed or wanted. This time, Shelby brought both Pikachu and Maggie. Luke asked Madison for any advice they could use to help her feel at ease. She gave a few suggestions, but most importantly Madison told him to make sure Rachel was calm, comforting, and patient, and to make sure Shelby knew the feelings she had were normal, and to be prepared if Shelby wanted to come home early.
"Since she's comfortable in your home now, maybe try packing something that will remind her of home. Photos are excellent, like maybe one of you," she suggested. "When I take a kid from their home, they bring along a stuffed animal or a security blanket."
"Shelby doesn't have a security blanket. She still has Pikachu, and now she has a stuffed kitten she got for her birthday."
"Those could help. I've also had a child who held onto her mother's shirt because it had the mother's scent on it and that helped the child soothe herself whenever she got scared."
Luke stared, dumbfounded. Finally he asked, "You want me to pack one of my shirts so Shelby could hold on to it?"
"I'm just listing off ideas as they come to mind. You don't have to use all of them, you know."
He sighed under his breath. "I know. I'm sorry. I appreciate the help, really."
"It's okay. I was just giving you a hard time," she assured him. "Besides, you wouldn't believe the many ways I've seen these kids learn how to self-soothe. Most of them don't have anyone to comfort them and reassure them they're safe. In fact, I remember when Shelby was two years old, she would curl into a ball and cover her ears whenever something scared her. She would sit there frozen stiff, unable to move. Sometimes it lasted up to two hours."
Luke's eyebrows rose upon hearing a coping strategy his own kid used to do.
"I saw less of it as Shelby got older. Usually, she'd prefer to duck under or behind furniture. If that wasn't an option, she'd use it again."
Luke thanked Madison and let her go. The guy was just a nervous wreck about the sleepover as Shelby was, if not more.
It wasn't like Shelby didn't want to do it. She enjoyed spending time with her mom and wanted to be able to spend the night, as well. It was having to sleep alone in her own room what was terrifying her. Luke tried to ask what scared her about being alone, but he figured she was still too young to explain her feelings. All she could say was the dark scared her and that she didn't like being alone. When he asked Madison about that, too, she took a guess that it may have been always sharing a room with a foster sibling and never really had the chance to sleep alone, but then she remembered the times whenever she slept alone whenever Shelby slept in her hiding spots. Possibly Shelby could have picked up that problem once Luke got custody and the close quarters of his apartment got her used to it, or it might be a feeling of abandonment. Whatever it was, Madison told him it was good they were tackling this now when Shelby was still small, instead of waiting down the road before it could develop into worse problems for her.
On the drive over to Rachel's apartment, Luke made sure Shelby knew she could call him whenever she needed to, even if it was two in the morning and tried to make it sound great about trying to sleep in her own room, hiding his own insecurities, and how proud he would be that she could make it through the night on her own.
Once he pulled up to the apartment building, Luke parked and helped carry in the duffel bag while Shelby carried both of her stuffed animals, clutching them to her chest. She held them up against her mouth.
"You've been to your mom's plenty of times, kiddo," he pointed out as they made their way towards the elevator once they got inside. "Just think of it as an extended visit."
They went up to the third floor.
Luke had to stop and stand in the doorway to keep the elevator doors open. Being gentle as possible, he gave Shelby a push just outside of the elevator, kneeling to her level. He held a gentle hand to her side.
"Hey, since you've been sharing secrets with me, will it help if I shared one of mine with you?"
She nodded, staring at him like a frightened mouse.
Lowering his head towards her, he said, "I get worried about you being away, too. I get scared at the thought of you being alone."
Her eyebrows rose at that. Leaning closer to him, Shelby softly asked, "You ge' 'cared, too?"
"Mm hm. You growing up scares me to death. But knowing you can do things on your own helps me feel better about letting you go. That make sense?"
Shelby nodded. "I be brave so you no be 'cared?" she asked, still in a whisper.
Luke smiled. "That's right, kiddo. Remember what I told you, even if you're afraid, just jump, no matter what. You can do this."
Shelby took in a huge breath of air into her small lungs. With the pep talk out of the way, both of them made their way down the hall towards Rachel's door. She took another deep breath, which Luke touched a hand to the top of her head before he knocked.
Rachel shortly opened the door. "Hey, peanut," she greeted Shelby first, greeting Luke when they stepped inside. "I'm glad you're here." Luke had already shared Madison's suggestions ahead of time, especially keeping things warm and positive from the start. She suggested getting everything settled in her room first.
"I brought in the radio so you can listen to your music tonight," Rachel explained to Shelby. "I thought that might help you sleep."
Luke pulled out the CD they had packed and set it inside the CD compartment so it would be ready for when they went to bed. The three of them also unpacked the toys Shelby brought, along with her favorite pajamas and hygiene stuff, hoping to help relieve some stress. Her body was still tensed even after the pep talk. He placed one of the walkie talkies on the nightstand and handed Rachel the other.
"They both have brand new batteries," he explained.
She thanked him before turning back to Shelby. "I know you're scared, peanut, but I promise we're going to have lots of fun, and we can do anything you want to do. Is that alright?"
Shelby nodded. Her eyes were moistening, though, as her chest moved a little. Both adults kneeled to her level.
Luke rubbed a hand against her back in soothing circles. "I know it's scary. We'll all get you through this. Okay?"
Rachel pushed some hair behind Shelby's ear, "I will just be down the hall and you can call me if you need me to come check on you," she held up the walkie talkie in her hand. "Nothing bad will happen, I promise."
"But if it's really too much and you really feel you need to come home, I'm just a phone call away, kiddo. As a very last resort, though."
Shelby nodded, looking between her parents.
"Your dad and I love you, and want you to be able to do things on your own. We won't always be there and we need to teach you now so you'll learn. We're not doing this to be mean or push you away. We just want you to be able to be a strong, independent young lady. Do you understand what we're trying to say?"
She nodded again as Shelby squeezed the heck out of her stuffed animals. "Can you 'tay for a li'toe bi', Daddy?"
Luke exchanged a look at Rachel before turning back to their daughter. "I can stay for maybe another ten, fifteen minutes, but then I'll be intruding on yours and your mom's time together."
Shelby shook her head.
"No, I won't be intruding," he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
She shook her head again.
"I thought we'd get into our pajamas early and start a movie marathon? How's that?" Rachel suggested. "We can even watch your Pokemon movie if you want."
"I bring my Nin-ten-doh," Shelby said.
"Or we can play your Nintendo," she shrugged, encouragingly. "Should we go set it up now?"
She nodded.
Both Luke and Rachel stood up. Luke helped set it up to Rachel's TV out in the living room and watched Shelby play for fifteen minutes before he told her he had to get back to the diner. While she played her game, Shelby relaxed. Once she heard her dad needed to leave, Shelby tensed up again, running over to him as he kneeled to her level.
He gave her a long hug as long as she needed, and kissed Shelby, good-bye. "You got this, Shell. I believe you can do this." Luke smiled for his daughter when she pulled away.
"I go' tis," she repeated her dad, trying to reassure herself. It took a while until Luke was able to leave, waving until he closed the door. As he stood out in the hall, Luke had to take a deep breath himself. This was going to be a long night for both of them.
Everything seemed fine during the day. Luke finished the day like any other workday and closed down the diner around ten P.M. He felt sure this would be it. He could handle Shelby sleeping alone, and she could sleep alone.
Luke laid down in bed an hour after he closed and turned out the light. Two minutes went by before he switched onto his other side. Another two minutes and he was shifting back. He kept this up, back and forth until Luke finally gave up and laid on his back as he stared up at the ceiling. His mind started to worry. Was Shelby having just as a hard time falling asleep as he was?
Just as he laid there thinking, the phone rang.
Shooting out of bed like a rocket, Luke stumbled over to the desk, using it to catch himself. He snatched the receiver up, putting it to his ear. "Hello?"
"Hey," he heard Rachel on the other end. "Sorry about getting in touch so late. The last movie lasted longer than I thought it would. Shelby wouldn't go to bed without saying good-night to you."
"It's fine. I wasn't sleeping anyway," he assured her, relieved to know he could still say good-night to his little girl.
"Okay, here she is."
There was a brief pause of silence before Shelby came on the phone. "Hi, Daddy."
"Hey, kiddo," he greeted cheerfully, catching a groan over from Jess. It sounded like he was half asleep. Luke lowered his voice. "How was the rest of your day?"
"We go' ready for bed, early and played more Pokemon, ten we ea'ed dinner and watched movies."
"Yeah?" Luke smiled.
"Yeah," she repeated.
"So you're having fun then?"
"Lo's of fun, Daddy."
"Happy to hear that, kiddo."
Shelby went into detail about the rest of her day, telling Luke everything. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to postpone going to bed. Even though he probably shouldn't, Luke never stopped her. He just let her go on and on until it was Rachel, who he heard in the background, interrupt the kid's rant and told her to say good-night. There was a pause before Shelby said good-night, some reluctance apparent in her tone.
"Good night, kiddo. I love you," he told her in return.
"I love you too, Daddy."
"Remember, you got this. I know you can do it."
"Tank you," she replied.
"You're welcome."
Shortly after, Rachel came back on the phone and Luke went through the bedtime routine checklist. Once he was sure everything was done, the call ended there. For a minute, everything seemed fine, but once there was some hesitance, his overly protective, fatherly instincts kicked into high gear and Luke was finding it difficult to not go over there and call off the whole thing.
"We can do this. We can do this. We can do this." Luke kept muttering under his breath, making his way back to bed and under the covers. "We can do this." He repeated over and over until finally, sleep overcame him. It was a rough sleep that included tossing and turning, but it was sleep, nonetheless.
Luke was awakened, a few hours later, around two in the morning by the phone, once again. It alerted him straight out a sound sleep. Luke didn't even think twice, shooting out of bed and dashing over to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me again," Rachel's voice answered from the other end. This time, she sounded tired. "Shelby had woken up, crying and she says she can't go back to sleep without talking to you."
"No problem. Put her on."
"Here she is."
There was a brief pause before Shelby came on the phone. "Daddy." It sounded like she was crying.
Luke backed up and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hey, kiddo. What's wrong?"
"I 'cared," she replied. "I no do tis. I wan' to go home."
"Sweetheart, you do got this, remember?" He glanced at his clock on the nightstand, peering through the darkness, making out its hands pointed toward a little after two. "You're halfway through the night. You can't quit now."
"I miss y-you and J-Jess. I wan' to go home." He heard her sniff.
"We miss you too, but you'll see us tomorrow."
Shelby was struggling to breathe as she cried into the phone. Luke ended up having to tell her to take deep breaths, doing it along with her. Not only to show her, but to calm his own nerves. How he wouldn't give to be able to give in and tell his little girl she could come home. It ended up looking like he would have to. Luke tried all he could to settle Shelby down and convince her to stay. The kid was just in too much distress to listen to reason.
Finally he said, "Okay. You want to call it a night and try this again, next weekend?"
"Uh huh," she replied. "P-please, Daddy?"
"Okay, I'll be over in twenty minutes, kiddo."
"Okay."
"Okay, give the phone back to your mom." There was a brief pause before Rachel came back on. "Hey. So I told her I would come get her and we can try this again next weekend."
Rachel let out a sigh. "Luke," she tried to object, tiredly.
"Rachel," he reminded her. "Madison said to expect this. We just need to keep trying until Shelby is able to stay the whole night." Luke could tell Rachel did not want to give in, but sometimes one has to know when to surrender. "We may lose some battles, but we'll win the war. Just wait."
"Okay. You're a dork, but okay," she replied, forcing a quick chuckle.
They hung up so Luke could throw on some shoes. Grabbing his jacket from its hook and his keys, he quietly left the apartment, heading downstairs and outside to his truck where he slid in under the wheel. Luke started the engine and turned the truck around to head over to Rachel's apartment.
The minute Rachel opened the door, Shelby jolted over and slammed into him, hugging Luke tight when he lifted her up.
"I already gave her a bath and had her change into fresh pajamas," Rachel informed him. Luke figured that was why Shelby wasn't wearing the pajamas he packed. "They're still in the wash, though, so I'll bring them over sometime tomorrow."
He thanked her. Having Shelby give her mom a hug and kiss, Luke reassured again, they'd keep trying, and he was good on his word. Over the next two weekends, they tried again, but Shelby could not make it through an entire night by herself. They tried all they could think of. Rachel even found a book at the bookstore and read through it, sharing with Luke whenever she found something that seemed good to try with Shelby.
The weekend of the second try was Shelby's last T-ball game. Everyone who showed to her first game showed to that one as well since it was the last. Only this time, Sookie came with Lorelai.
After the game, they had a celebration at the diner where Coach Jameson passed out the participation trophies and team photos to the kids. Shelby was so excited to receive a trophy. The first time she played T-ball, Shelby moved to another foster home before the season ended, so she never got to finish and receive anything. When Luke came upstairs, later that night, he found it among his own trophies he received back in high school. He couldn't help smile when he saw his daughter's first trophy among his, and mentioned it when he picked Shelby up in the middle of the night.
On the third weekend, with desperation, Luke ended up packing one of his shirts, hoping Shelby having at least something of his nearby would be enough to help her feel at ease. The two packed that morning after breakfast, to leave later that day. Before they left, though, an unpleasant incident occurred. It had nothing to do with Shelby, whatsoever, but it was a huge letdown for Luke that made him feel brokenhearted.
Luke already overheard Rory mention the other night her mom was now a casual dater, immediately getting his attention while he was pouring coffee for another customer. He never expected just who Lorelai would date.
A younger man somewhere in his early to mid-twenties walked into the diner with an older couple while the Gilmores were there, having lunch, along with Shelby. He recognized Lorelai, who introduced the couple as his parents.
Luke walked over behind the counter when Lorelai introduced him to both Rory and Shelby.
"Hey there, Shelby. Give me five," the guy held his hand up to the kid for a high five. Shelby just stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, freaked out and quickly turned her cap around, hiding her face.
"Shelby's shy," Luke spoke up for his daughter.
"Right, the hat trick," he pointed at him.
Luke gave him a strange look. How did he know about their hat trick? Nonetheless, he was a customer. "You ordering?"
"Luke," the guy pointed out how the two looked the same, including the baseball caps. "You must be Luke, right?"
"Yes, that's Luke," Lorelai confirmed.
The guy got very excited at knowing he was Luke. "Oh, man! Mom, Dad, that is Luke."
"We heard so much about you," his mother told Luke.
"Darn shame about that Rachel," the guy's father added. "Good on you for stepping in and raising your little girl, yourself, and keeping her in your daughter's life."
What the hell? Luke slowly looked over at Lorelai, confused, "Who the hell are these people?" He wasn't fond of the fact his personal business was being shared with strangers.
"Uh, Paul is my friend from business school," she answered.
"Yeah, we went out the other night," the guy, Lorelai called Paul, added more enthusiastic than her, "and she talked about a few people in this town, and you being one of them. So, nice to meet you." He saluted Luke.
Luke had slowly looked back at Lorelai while Paul was talking, giving her an are you kidding me look. One, the guy looked so much younger. But he was polite about it, giving the guy a fake smile before Paul ordered three coffees to go. While he was pouring their coffee, Luke overheard Rory was smiling. Eventually, Paul and his parents left at that point, and she stated about always wanting a little brother.
When a couple orders finished cooking, Luke took them over to their table. When he returned, Luke noticed the hat was backwards again, but Lorelai spoke before he could say anything to Shelby.
"What?" Lorelai asked of him. "You want to say something too?"
He looked down at his notepad and gave her a quick, "Nope."
"Please don't hold back on my account," she told him.
"I wouldn't."
Good."
Luke turned to a couple boys who had walked over and sat at the counter next to Shelby, asking them if they'd move down a little to make him more comfortable. Lorelai stood up, announcing she was leaving. "Hey, how do I know what the cut off is?" he asked innocently, though sounding like an ass.
She tossed the money she owed for hers and Rory's meals down onto the table. "And no tip. I wonder why."
"I mean, if you had one of those height bars, like at amusement park rides." Luke just smiled as Lorelai left, heading for the door. When she left, he turned back to Shelby. "We'll head over to your mom's in another twenty minutes, okay, Shell?"
Shelby nodded.
"Finish eating." Shelby picked up what she had left of her cheeseburger when he told her to finish as Luke moved over to take the boys' orders.
Luke dropped Shelby off at the time he said he would. This time around, Shelby refused to give him a hug and kiss good-bye, thinking that would make things easier for her.
It didn't.
In fact, it may have made things worse. Like the many times before, Shelby was fine up until bedtime. Luke had begun pacing around the apartment waiting for her phone call, but it never came. Later, Rachel told him, Shelby did not want to call him at bedtime, either. Truth was, it made him an even more nervous wreck and Jess pointed out he was going to dig a hole and fall into his diner if Luke kept pacing.
Truthfully, Luke was trying to keep his mind on his own kid, on the count of, he didn't want to think about the fact Lorelai was dating again and someone so much younger she was. Luke had said nothing like Rachel told to do a long time ago, and Lorelai deserved to be happy, no matter who she was with. That's what Luke convinced his mind to think and forced it to only think of his kid. At least he had one girl, for sure, in his life.
Somehow, Luke fell asleep. Unfortunately, around two forty-five, he got the call he was hoping he wouldn't get and had to go pick up Shelby. She lasted a bit longer that time, so that was good progress.
The next day, Lorelai stopped by with Sookie on their way to Rory's school performance of Romeo and Juliet. Luke sucked down the bitterness he still felt, making his way over to take their order before walking away. He returned briefly with their coffee while Shelby stuck around and learned what Romeo and Juliet was.
When he returned to refill their coffee, Lorelai suggested he and Shelby come and watch the performance.
"Can't," he declined.
"Come on," she insisted. "How often do you get to see teenagers speak Iambic Pentameter and kill themselves?"
"No thanks, but you have a good time. Bring plenty of baseball cards to pass out your phone number on."
Lorelai let out an annoyed groan as he walked away, his back to her. "Enough already! The horse is dead. His ashes have been sprinkled over the land. Let it rest." Shelby must have thought she was referring to an actual horse who died, because she added, "I didn't mean a real horse, sweetheart. It's just a figure of speech."
Luke came by and suggested Shelby go upstairs and play while Miss Patty had come over to Lorelai, which ended up being a good thing to distract her mind on the count of the older woman's comment and Luke wanted nothing like that explained to the kid at this point in time, no matter how vague.
"I met him at business school, not his Bar Mitzvah," Lorelai was telling Sookie. "Business school has to indicate some kind of maturity, right?"
Before Luke walked away, he added, "Doogie Howser was a doctor at sixteen."
Lorelai pointed out, "Doogie Howser was not real."
"How sad for you."
"Luke," she told him as he walked away.
Luke returned around the counter. Shelby hurried over to him, using him to stop herself and tugged on the bottom of his shirt. "Give me a minute, Shell." He was pulling out a couple buns he was heating in the toaster oven.
Lorelai came over, asking what was up with him.
"Nothing's up with me," he told her over his shoulder.
"We were having a perfectly nasty verbal sparring match, and you suddenly walked away?" She was leaning on the end of the counter next to where Bootsy was sitting, who mentioned he heard about her dating a kid. "Please let something big fall on my head."
He then told her about a time he dated an older woman who had suffered a heart attack and died, leaving him brokenhearted. Lorelai assured him she wasn't dating a kid as Luke walked around behind her, bringing their food to the table, and followed him. "Hey."
"I'm working," he told her. "Us older guys do that." Luke set the plates down on the table.
"Why are you being so mean to me?" Lorelai sounded hurt.
"I'm not being mean."
"Yes, you are," she argued. "You're being mean. Shelby will agree with me." She looked down where the kid had squeezed between their legs. Shelby shook her head, siding with her dad and motioned to speak into her ear. "Oh, he's picking on me like I pick on him?"
The kid nodded, like his meanness was going over her head. Luke wasn't trying to sound mean. He just wished Lorelai would drop it and leave him alone before something happened that he might regret. Unfortunately, it wasn't going over Lorelai's head.
"Why are you so mad at me?"
Luke returned behind the counter, grabbing his notepad and slapped it back down in front of him, "I just think it's embarrassing."
Lorelai followed behind him. "What is so embarrassing?"
"You running around with that kid."
"I wasn't running. He's not a kid. We had dinner," she said and quickly pointed out, "if you say, Chuck E. Cheese, I'll break your nose," in a mocking, teasing way.
Luke suddenly looked up at her, in all seriousness. "Hey, I'm not gonna say anything. You go live your life as you please. I got work to do." That said, he picked up his notepad and walked away.
Shelby hurried around the other end of the counter, cutting her dad off, still wanting to tell him something.
He kneeled down to her level. "What is it, Shell?" Luke finally asked, holding his head low enough where she could whisper to him.
"Can I go see Rory's play?"
"No, kiddo," he told her and put the suggestion of going upstairs and playing out there again.
"Bu' Rory came to see mine," she pointed out.
"I said no, Shelby," he reinforced his answer.
"Please, Daddy?" The kid tried her pleading look, trying to butter him into letting her go.
Luke kept refusing to give in, but now that Shelby was coming to be completely comfortable, she actually kept it up as any average kid that wanted something would. Up to this point, she had always accepted his first response no matter what it was. Luke was glad she was that comfortable with him and wasn't sure why he wouldn't give in, as there wasn't any harm in it, but he just continued saying no. It got to the point, Luke wished Shelby had accepted his first response because what happened next, he could never forgive himself.
"Pre'ty please, Daddy?" Her expression looked the most adorable Shelby ever looked, too, but there was a build-up he was filling inside of him. It wasn't from Shelby, but she ended up being the target.
"I said, no, Shelby! I told you to go upstairs and find something to do!" he snapped. It was loud enough it silenced the entire diner as they stared over at them. Shelby froze as she stared up at him, like an animal caught in a trap. The look she gave him would eventually haunt him later on.
Turning on her heel, Shelby made a fast beeline for the stairs.
Realizing his mistake, he tried to call after her, but Shelby just kept running, tripping on one of the lower steps. He saw her knee collided with its edge. It did not stop her, either. Luke felt all the eyes on him, finding it hard to hold any kind of eye contact with them. When his gaze met with Lorelai's, who was shaking her head, lost and confused, Luke quickly headed after his daughter.
Shelby already made it inside the apartment when he reached the top of the stairs. Swallowing back a pain in his chest, he slowly made his way over, hesitating from opening the door. What made him not open it was Jess' voice coming from inside, and it didn't sound like the tone he was used to, from the boy. Putting his ear to the non-see through glass, he listened in on what Jess was saying. It sounded like Jess was actually asking his cousin what was wrong.
"Come on, Scout," the boy was saying. "Tell me what's wrong? Do I need to go beat up someone for ya?"
No answer.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone until you do." Movement and squeaking was heard coming from what seemed to be one of the beds. "Don't make me pull you out." Oh, God! Was Shelby hiding under the bed again? The last time she hid under the bed was during the tiff with her mom. Luke silently kicked himself for being the cause this time. Jess never was a patient one. "Come on, tell... What?" There was a brief silence before he said, "your dad, what?" Another pause.
Luke couldn't hear Shelby at all. Jess seemed like he was having trouble hearing her and he was right there.
"He scared ya, huh?" His heart just about stopped at what Jess had said. He closed his eyes. "Yeah, he seems to scare a lot of people," Jess tried some lightheartedness. "What?" He paused once again before he suggested, "Then call her...Yeah. If that's what you want. The guy has been weird the past few days. Maybe staying with your mom would be good for now." The bed moved again and Luke heard Jess' footsteps, and him picking up the phone before asking if she knew her mom's number.
Luke leaned on the doorframe, his heart crushed as he heard tiny muffles as Shelby talked to her mom. He couldn't understand what it was she was saying, but he had a pretty good idea. Not even when Shelby had grabbed onto her cousin despite his protests for her to let go could make Luke smile. Quietly, without being heard, Luke made his way back downstairs and tried to continue working. He was basically a walking zombie. Both Lorelai and Sookie had already left for Hartford.
Eventually, after a while, Rachel entered the diner, walking over when she spotted him.
"Hey, what happened? I got a call from Shelby, wanting to come back," she told him, with concern and confusion.
"I, um... I snapped and raised my voice to her," he admitted, ashamed. Luke could barely hold any eye contact with her.
She looked alarmed, but still managed to remain calm. "What? Why?"
He hesitated, taking a deep breath first. "Shelby wanted to go see Rory's play, but I told her no. She kept bugging me until I just..." His voice trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.
Rachel shrugged, even more confused. "I don't understand. She finished her homework with me, yesterday. I mean, tonight's a school night. Is that why she couldn't..."
"I don't know why I told her she couldn't go, Rachel. I just told her to go find something to do upstairs and she wouldn't drop it, so finally I just lost it. It's not one of my proud moments!" He hadn't meant to snap at her, either. What was wrong with him?
"I wasn't trying to pick a fight, Luke," she explained to him, surprisingly still calm herself. "I was just trying to make sense of the situation."
Luke took another deep breath. "I know. I'm sorry, Rachel. I guess I'm just a little on edge, today."
"Want to talk about it?" she asked, folding her arms. Luke responded with a look that she knew that was a definite no. Rachel held her hands up in defense. "Sorry, just thought I'd ask." She lowered them and asked, "are you okay with Shelby sleeping over on a school night? I mean, I'll take her to school in the morning and she has clothes there."
"Yeah, it's fine if that's what she wants. I'll probably come get her later anyway," he assured her.
"Okay," she nodded. Luke gave her the okay to head up there and get her. When she turned to head around the counter, Rachel asked if he was going to be alright. He assured he would be... Well, eventually, but Luke didn't mention that part.
Rachel returned downstairs, five minutes later with Shelby hiding beside her, letting him know they were leaving. When Luke looked up to acknowledge her, he couldn't help notice Shelby was wearing her T-ball cap instead of the one he gave her. His heart was all shattered by this point. She used it to hide underneath, not looking up when her mom asked if she was going to say good-bye. Rachel shared a look at Luke to show him she understood how he felt before the girls left the diner. After the week he had, the guy never thought a heart could break so much.
It remained on his mind for most of the afternoon and into the evening. He didn't say much except for what was needed when addressing the customers or his employees. Earlier's events replayed over and over in his mind, and the look Shelby gave broke his heart each time he saw it. Luke just couldn't believe he had lost it on his own kid, the one who looked up to him and idolized him.
Every time Luke turned around, his gaze met with Shelby's first picture she had colored for him, that still hung on the wall. With some down time, Luke tinkered with his watch, trying to stay busy. It wasn't easy though.
Sometime around nine, Lorelai and Sookie returned, this time with Dean and Rory. He heard Lorelai tell them to grab a table before walking over to him.
"Hey," she greeted.
"How'd it go?" he asked, not looking up from his watch.
"Ahh, you know, I think Shakespeare will recover."
"That's good." Truth was, Luke still did not want to talk at that moment and hoped she would just order and leave.
"How's Shelby doing?" she asked.
"Went back to her mom's. Probably go pick her up later tonight." He kept his answers short, hoping Lorelai would take the hint, as he continued to tinker with his watch.
She didn't. "I'm sure everything will be fine," Lorelai assured him.
"Yep," he agreed, while the look that still haunted him, disagreed. Luke had an awful feeling in his gut this may be the night Shelby will finally be able to spend the entire night at her mom's, a night that was supposed to be a proud moment for him.
He heard her take a deep breath, letting it out before she asked, "Are you good at dating?"
The question caught him off guard. Luke wasn't even sure if he heard her right. "What?" he questioned.
"Dating," she gave a brief chuckle. "Do you have that down?"
He stared at her in confusion. "Okay," Luke shook his head, "if this is about that kid...?"
Lorelai shook her head, "No, it's not about anything. It's just a question."
Breathing in through his nose, he said, "Well, I don't know if I have it down, considering I live with my daughter and nephew," Luke put emphasis on the fact he lived with a couple of kids, "I'd say, probably not." He continued tinkering with his watch again.
"I don't have it down either," she replied. "I've never been very good at it, really."
He looked up at her with just his eyes, nodding as Lorelai continued.
"Never even really liked it. It's too much 'what if.'" She glanced down at the floor, briefly. "I-I like things I can count on. I mean, uh..." Lorelai glanced out the corner of her eye. "Actually, with Max," that grabbed his attention real fast, "it was the first time I was finally like, 'hey, here it is, that one person who will always be there for me,'" Lorelai had briefly perked up, shrugging a hand out. She frowned, looking away, "and then I turned around, and...it's suddenly..." she paused for a moment until she said, "Oops. Wrong."
Lorelai sighed. "Keep moving."
Luke stared at his watch as he asked, "Why are you telling me this?"
"I don't have very many people in my life who... are..." she struggled to find the right words, "... that are in my life. Permanently, forever."
Luke stared up at her out of the corner of his eye.
"They will always be there for me. I will always be there for them. You know?"
He finally lowered his watch as Luke stared at her. It felt like someone was sticking a band-aid on his poor heart. He eventually set the watch on the counter he was leaning against as Lorelai continued.
"There's Rory and Sookie. This town..." she hesitated before Lorelai added, "and you, and Shelby." Luke couldn't help look up and smile a little. "I mean, at least I think I've got..."
"You do," Luke blurted out, now leaning a hand on the counter, trying to hold back the amount of relief he was now feeling.
Lorelai nodded at the floor. "Good," she said and looked up to shrug. "Just checking."
Luke couldn't help smirk even more, a small laugh slipping out as he looked away. Picking up the small tool he was using, he said, "So tell me about...Romeo and Juliet."
She smiled back at him. "Well," she said. "It's so depressing everybody dies. But the clothes were so cute."
"Life can be funny that way," he nodded with a smile. They both did as Lorelai told him all about the play. It felt good to smile and laugh a little, glad to have made up with someone. Despite the guilt he still felt, it was also nice to be able to do it through the pain he was currently going through.
