I was dunked twice - once together and once one after the other. We thought it was like a science experiment. We wanted to see which one was better. We decided that it was a tie. We liked both. And while we thought it was a good idea to repeat the science experiment again just to confirm the results, we decided that I needed sleep and Ranger needed to cook the food. The good thing was that we had been bursting and the shower hadn't taken nearly as long as we had thought it would, so the hungry hordes weren't having to wait as long as they might have.
After Ranger towelled me off, I dressed in some capris and a tank top, and climbed into bed. Ranger climbed in behind me and gathered me into a hug, and seconds later I tumbled into sleep. I don't know how long Ranger stayed. When I got up two hours later, I felt remarkably better. I hadn't had any nightmares and I was regaining my positivity. As I brushed out my hair and put it up into a ponytail, I thought about how Ranger always knew what I needed. I was thankful. He often knew what I needed when I didn't.
I ran down the stairs and saw Ranger listening to Tia read to her sisters. Her sisters were sucking their thumbs, and all three grinned as they looked up at me. Ranger searched my face and saw the peace in it, and smiled in relief. Grace and Alix got off the sofa and ran over to me. I bent down and picked them up at the same time. "Mama seep?" said Grace.
"I did. I was getting grumpy, and when you get grumpy it is a good thing to sleep."
"Dada dunked wader", said Alix with a grin.
I laughed. "Yes, he did. And it was cold."
The three kids laughed.
"You were listening to Tia read. Do you mind if I join you?"
Tia grinned. "Yeah!" she said delightedly.
I sat down beside her and looked at the book and smiled. "I like this book", I said.
Tia grinned again. "Me too. It's my favorite."
I kissed her on her head and looked at the twins. "I think one of you better sit on Daddy's knee, or you will never be able to see the pictures." Neither daughter looked like they wanted to leave. "Besides, Daddy will be sad if no one sits on his knee." Grace scrambled off and ran to her Dad. She would never want to make anyone sad. I smiled. She was such a caring person.
Tia started to read again, and by the time she got to the end, all three girls were getting sleepy. "Mama tell story", said Tia.
"Let's carry you up to bed for your sleepover, and I'll tell you a story when you are lying down."
"Tell story about Fartsalot", said Alix with a laugh.
Ranger looked confused. "Fartsalot?"
"I fell aseep at nap", said Grace. "Missed ending."
"Me too", said Alix.
"Me three", said Tia. I laughed. "That's right, isn't it, Mama? One, two, three", she said as she pointed to each of her sisters and herself.
I smiled. "That makes sense", I said, "But the expression is 'me too', and it doesn't matter how many people say it, it is always 'me too'."
Tia thought about that for a moment. "That's silly", she said.
I laughed. "I know." I picked up Tia and Alix and settled them on my hips. "Have you already brushed your teeth?"
"Uh-hunh", said Alix. "Dada checked with toofbrush. He say we did goo job." She laid her head on my shoulder.
I kissed her head, then kissed Tia's. "Are you tired?"
"Yeah", said Tia. She put her thumb in her mouth.
We got to Julie's room, and I put the children in bed. "I would lay down beside you", I said, "but my hair is wet and I don't want to make Julie's pillows wet."
"Fartsalot?" said Tia.
"Do you think you can stay awake to the end?" I said as I smiled.
"Yeah", said Tia. "Dada listen."
I told the story again, but not one child stayed awake. However, they did fall asleep with smiles on their faces.
Ranger, however, was having trouble not laughing. He helped me off the bed as I sat there, kissed me and led me out of the room. He shut the door, walked about two steps, and laughed out loud. "Fartsalot and Fartsoloud", he said as he wiped his eyes. "How do you come up with this shit?"
I laughed. "I was inspired by you."
Ranger grinned again. "Ah, but am I Fartsalot or Fartsoloud?"
"That's a good question. I think I am Fartsalot and you are Fartsoloud."
Ranger laughed again and pulled me in for a kiss. "You can always make me laugh, babe", he said. "Thank you." He grabbed my hand and walked down the stairs. "You must be hungry. The kids and I made up a plate for you, and you'll be glad to know that we saved you a particularly large piece of cake. The girls made sure that you got an icing flower as well. They saved it just for you, so you might want to make a mention of it tomorrow."
I smiled. "That was nice of them. I know how much they like the icing flowers."
Ranger grinned. "It did require a lot of discussion. They very quickly decided to save you a flower. However, they couldn't decide what color - pink or green or blue."
"I can see how that would be a tough decision."
"So they saved you one of each."
Tears came to my eyes. They loved the flowers best, and saving all three meant that they got three flowers less. I gave Ranger a hug and a kiss as he pulled the dinner and cake out of the fridge. "We have the best kids in the world."
He smiled. "Yes, we do."
"Have you heard from Hal?"
"Not yet. It's a little early. He asked if you could review the reports when you woke up, and send them to him so that he could forward them to the arresting FBI agents. I would also like to send it to my contact."
"Something feels wrong about this takedown."
"I would warn Hal, but the takedown would already be in progress."
"Do you know the agents' names that are accompanying them?"
"Yes. Ira Henderson and Arielle McBride."
I thought about that for a minute. I recognized those names - and then I remembered. "Shit!" I said. "Let me check something." I ran to the computer and logged into the folder. I checked the background material for the report. Sure enough, they had been receiving a monthly stipend of a thousand dollars. I had marked it for further investigation, but I hadn't looked into it again. I felt bad. If I hadn't had that nap, I would have caught it sooner.
"I know that face", said Ranger. "You needed that nap. Without that nap, you would never have caught it anyway, babe. You were running on fumes."
Nick walked in. "What's wrong?" he said. "You look upset."
"Lilith had Ira Henderson and Arielle McBride on retainer, and they are accompanying Hal and the team on the takedown."
Nick smiled. "You haven't read the report yet, have you?"
"I just got up."
"I'm glad you slept. I caught the connection, told Hal, he checked their ID and saw they were from the Maine office which didn't make sense considering it was supposed to be two local agents coming, and he has all six of our men on the takedown - two for Lilith, Grant to keep the kids calm, and three for the FBI agents. He also called the local FBI office and got two more agents to provide backup. He seemed to think that it was fine, and said to tell you that your team is excellent and you trained us well."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Bless you."
He smiled. "Steph, being a control freak and expecting yourself to do more than everyone else is all well and good, but you've got a large team backing you up. You may be the Director, but you need to rely on your team."
"You sound like Ranger."
"He always has been a great leader. He also is a control freak, but he has learned how to step back and let people do their jobs." He sighed. "Look, Steph, from everything that people have said, you are a fabulous Director, and from everything people have said, I am beyond excited to be joining your team. However, you have to trust that other people are good as well."
I smiled. "Most of my team is really good on the mundane. They are not analytical enough, however, or talented enough or observant enough, to find the things that you have found. I have Dirk and Miguel and you and Julie and Gwynne and Lauren. That's it. You are my superteam. The rest are great at doing the mundane but wouldn't be able to do what you did. Most of what we do is the mundane, so that's okay. Despite using In-Spect for a long time, they still wouldn't be able to use it the way you already understand how to use it. To do what you did is a gift, and there are very few people who have that gift."
Nick laughed. "Steph, I just joined your team. I can't be a superstar."
I smiled. "Just think how much better you will be when you are properly trained!"
Nick shook his head in disbelief, but he looked pleased at the same time.
I smiled and patted his arm. "Thanks, Nick. That was a good catch." I grinned. "Did you know that Miguel said that he was willing to fight Dirk for you to be on his team? He said he thought he could take him."
Nick laughed and, as Ranger walked in with my heated burger and my salads, he laughed as well. "They are good friends", said Ranger. "I think they'd rather share you."
I laughed. "Or clone you."
Nick laughed in disbelief again.
"I'm going to eat my dinner after I review the report." I woke the computer up, and Ranger shut the screen. Nick sat down and started working on the corporate employee overview.
"No, babe. It won't take you long to eat, but you've hardly eaten anything today. Just one piece of peanut butter toast and half a banana. That's not good enough. It's been a long and trying day. Eat first, and then review the report. Hal can wait ten minutes for it, and my guess is that you'll be finished your dinner in five."
I sighed and pulled over my dinner. "I'm not particularly interested in food."
"Too bad. Everybody worked hard on it, and you would hurt people's feelings if you didn't eat the food." I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and he could tell that I was thinking of the fact that both my depressive and PTSD episodes played with my enjoyment of food. He sat down beside me and rubbed my back. "We'll get through this together, babe. It will be okay."
"I feel sick."
"Then don't eat the burger. It might be too greasy for you. But the salads will be fine. I didn't put on too much dressing. And only eat a little of the cake. Do you feel sick like you are coming down with something, or like it is an anxious stomach?"
"Probably an anxious stomach."
"Okay. Then eat a bit, do your review, and we'll go down to the playroom and do some self-defense. You can finish your meal after you feel more settled."
I ate half my dinner under Ranger's watchful eye, read the report and approved it - it was excellent, and I told Nick that. He looked relieved and pleased at the same time. I relaxed a bit too, after reading it. I could see what Miguel and Dirk were saying. Nick was a superstar, no matter what he thought, and wondered again if it was time to hire two supervisors each for Dirk and Miguel - and make Nick one of them. It was an idea that I'd have to talk to Ranger and Hal about, and Dirk and Miguel. Of course, Dirk and Miguel and I had already been talking about it. The teams were getting a little unwieldy, and we needed to put more structure in to manage them better.
After sending the report to Ranger and Tank and Hal, I filed it on the server and put my computer to sleep. Ranger shut the screen. "You've done enough for today, babe. For the rest of the evening, I want you to take care of yourself. You are going to burn yourself out if you keep worrying about things. You can address the capture plans tomorrow when Nick and Jules work on the corporate set-up. It's okay to take the rest of the night off."
I looked at my computer with tears in my eyes.
"Babe", he said softly. "You're hiding again, and I know that it feels good and it seems like a great coping mechanism, but you know that it isn't really. It just makes things harder in the long run. You need to deal with your emotions and, if you don't, it will explode and become a mess that you'll then have to deal with. The shrapnel won't hit just you this time. It will hit you and me and the kids. It will hit your staff. Is that what you want?"
I sighed. "It just hurts so much."
He pulled me into his chest and kissed me on the top of my head. "I know, babe." He picked up my plate and put the food in the kitchen, came back and pulled me to my feet. "Let's spar."
