The slice of pie had a crust that was flaky and golden with dark brown spotting on the edges. When Dib sliced his fork through it, it crackled. "You sure know how to pitch a proposal," he chuckled.
Teles and Timothy sat across from him. Timothy had a nervous smile on crooked and Teles watched, unruffled and silent.
Dib took a bite. Perfect cinnamon apple. Softened, but with enough firmness left that he got a residual crunch. He waved the fork at them. "Look. Selfishly and completely in theory? I love the part of your idea that involves you making food for me and my facility every day. Practically? I've been trying to open up a serious laboratory in the city for years. Maybe even a small university. Arthur and I have been working like crazy on establishing teleportation so I can commute between the labs in a blink and get my employees here and back easier. Now you want me to drop all that, turn this location into my main facility with live-in quarters, full kitchen, and cafeteria."
Timothy spoke up. "You could still open a branch lab in the city with this plan. Just later than you planned."
"Yeah, because all my resources and attention would be diverted to remodeling this location for the foreseeable future." Dib took another bite of pie. "Also, your proposal assumes everyone's cooperation and that the involved members of your family aren't keen on living in the city anymore. Kay. Dulcie. Arthur. Sure, there's a pile of complaints, reports, and investigations to deal with regarding city damage from the giant rampaging fox, not to mention the unicorn that was seen squeezing into your house, but given a few months I could probably sort that out."
Timothy's smile went from nervous to weary. "Think you could sort it out enough that we won't be getting privately investigated and side-eyed by neighbors and officials for the next two decades?"
Dib hesitated. Timothy continued. "A lot has happened in the last year. I haven't wanted any adventure for a long time and I—we—want it even less now. Truth is, unless we retreat to some forsaken cabin in the woods, it's likely we'll never have a moment's peace again. But we couldn't run off anyway. The government knows who we are and what Teles is and they'd be hunting if we tried to hide. None of that is what we want for Dulcie, either. And gods know what measures they'll take with Kay if the rest of us flee. We both think it's better to offer you full-time access in researching Teles and a full fledged on-site eatery in exchange for living quarters and protection."
Dib chewed the next bite slowly. Teles, he noted, had refrained from speaking and only squeezed Timothy's hand from time to time. Dib appreciated the restraint. Not that they needed her vocal influence to hook in the deal. Going along with this plan would be a logistical nightmare for a while, but in the long run…
"So. You've always talked about how much Dulcie loves her singing lessons and 'normal' school. If I did re-adjust everything but she still wants to continue that, you know it would be a few months at minimum before we could get a teleporter up and running."
"Yes. We'd have to return to homeschooling for the interim. I bet there's plenty she could learn from you here."
"Oh come on, you know I don't have time to sit down and teach her."
"Who said anything about sitting down? There's a lot she could learn just shadowing you and asking questions. It would intersect with at least three school subjects."
"Four if you count unicorn-back-riding for P.E." Dib conceded, smirking. "Well, I think—"
His cellphone rang. DROP EVERYTHING, DROP EVERYTHING, DROP EVERYTHING it shrieked from his pocket.
"Excuse me, I have that tone set to both Kingsmen phone numbers right now ARTHUR IS THAT YOU?" He slapped the phone to his ear, shouting like it was a relic from Alexander Graham Bell's workshop.
"Hello, Dib."
"Don't 'hello Dib' me! You… I…" he flapped his free hand. "Do you have any idea?"
"I'm really sorry."
"I'm going to tan your fur hide and tack it to the wall."
"Really. Really. Really sorry."
Dib ground his teeth. The adrenaline spike from his imperative ringtone was fading, and at this point he was less furious and more irritated by the multiple inconveniences Arthur had thrown his way. No sense clubbing Arthur about the ears further. "Well. Lucky you, I'm having a field day with all these research opportunities. Balances out the headache I'm incurring with the Bureau of Red Tape and Ignorant Cranks. Where are you? Are you ready to come in, yet?"
"We'd like a little more time but I'm ready to tell you where we are. Maybe you can send a car for us? It's me, Kay, and Ginny and Gareth. If you send a car from where you are, that would give us a few more days here."
Dib frowned. "Why don't I just send a chopper in a few days? Retrieval would be faster that way."
There was a pause. "Well. Because. I'm still scared. And. I'll really try to get back to you. But. I can't guarantee my fight or flight won't kick in midair. I assume you want your employees to survive if I bolt."
"Right. And we haven't found a single sedative that works on you. Armored car it is."
"Thank you. Also, I need a couple things."
"What?"
"If you can send stuff in that armored car, a toolkit for my prosthetic would be great. It's on the fritz and there's nothing I can do about it right now."
"You got it."
"You… um… you also… need to… um…"
"... yeah I didn't hear that. Try again?"
There was a deep breath on the other end. "I need you to find a doctor you can trust to look after Kay's health during her pregnancy, and then find her an obstetrician who can take care of the delivery."
Dib froze. He could feel the irritation collecting and hammering at his temples as his brain looped Arthur's words and all their implications. "Arthur," he said, drawing out the two syllables. "You told me you were absolutely adamant about this. You said that you and Kay were in complete agreement. Because of that, I didn't bother looking into any of the potential genetic consequences or try to get ahead of the issues that might occur because I assumed you both had come up with some brilliant preventative measures. Tell me that with all this determination you didn't rely solely on a form of birth control that was explicitly designed for and tested on homo sapiens and assume it would work for a siren hybrid and an ex-human shapeshifter—when not even bear tranquilizers affect you anymore—without consulting me."
There was another pause. This one stretched on longer. "Ah," came the dazed reply. "When you put it like that… you know, that makes… perfect sense."
"I have to find a wall to bang my head on."
"I can't really say I'm sorry it happened. A lot has changed. But… yeah, that was a dumb move."
"You think?" Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll have to sit you both down for your sadly neglected sex ed later. Two flirking grown adults, and I still have to talk birds and bees? Ugh. Are you really coming back?"
"I'm… I'm really going to try."
"Fine. I'll have a vehicle on its way by the end of the day, but I'll tell them to take it slow. Share your location with me."
"Well, we're just at the nearby town picking up supplies and special orders. We're holed up in the mountains above it and there's no signal up there. I can share the town's location, then I'll send follow up text on how to find us from that point."
"You do that. And are you okay? Is Kay? Do either of you need anything else sent ahead?"
"We're ok. Kay sprained her wrist when we got here, but it healed up pretty fast. We're having a… peaceful, pleasant time."
A brief flash of jealousy at the wonder in Arthur's voice. Dib evicted the feeling immediately. "Okay. Based on what you said, my team will probably get to you in a week if I have them take it slow. Coming back, you'll be driven in shifts non-stop, so one or two days tops."
"Okay. Thank you."
"If anything changes, get in touch with Vivi or myself ASAP. Or I WILL hunt you down."
"Yes, boss."
"Take care."
"You, too."
Exhaling harshly, Dib pocketed his phone and glanced over at Teles and Timothy. He certainly had their full attention. "They're okay. They're ready to be picked up. You'll see them in just over a week if all goes well. Our other discussion has to go on hold while I organize their retrieval, but we will pick this up later."
Teles leaned heavily on Timothy, who seemed at a loss. "Excuse… but… Dib? What was that about failed birth control?"
Dib froze. "Ah. That. Um. Well." He eyed the exit. "Hmm. Mazel Tov to the happy grandparents GOTTAGOBYE."
With that, he turned and dove through the kitchen doors and pelted out of the ghost mansion, tore through his lab hallways, and didn't stop until the elevator doors closed firmly behind him. Panting, he straightened his trench coat as the elevator hummed up to the surface. "I ask only to be left alone so I can research and interact with the paranormal, not to be their Irk forsaken babysitter and psychoanalyst."
The complaint rang hollow. There was no real bite to it. His sister, Gaz, would have called him out for whining, then smacked him over the head. "Yeah, yeah," he sighed. "They're a load of irritating good in my life, bla bla bla. I'm happier than I've ever been. If they'd just stop breaking down or bolting every few months."
The sun was high overhead when he exited the food mart, so he switched his trench coat into cooling mode. He headed toward the outcropping where he could usually find Shiro Mori. In spite of his and Vivi's best efforts to curb the goddess, a hardy, scrubby moss flourished in each crag of the stone and every cactus in sight bore either fruit or flowers. Every few steps sent some lizard or bug scrambling for cover. Dib was pretty sure there didn't used to be this many critters in the area before.
"Note to self, determine what radius she's affecting." He raised his voice, calling, "Hey! Shiro Mori? Vivi? Anyone out here?"
A muzzle poked out from behind the outcropping, followed by a head and a lean, furry body. Dib slowed down, uneasy. His last interaction with Mystery had not been pleasant. "Ah, hey. Have you seen Shiro Mori or Vivi?"
Mystery nodded, then jerked his head and turned in the direction he'd indicated, padding off. Dib followed, slipping a hand into the pocket where he kept a couple small weapons. Dib had not seen Mystery in the alleged Kitsune form before, and it was big. Intimidating. Equipped with large teeth. Better safe than sorry.
Mystery slowed down. Dib wrapped his fingers around a volt-pulser as he caught up to the kitsune. It was unnerving walking alongside a creature that could take the upper half of his body off with one bite.
Mystery glanced at him sidelong. "I apologize for my behavior in recent days."
Dib said nothing.
"It will not happen again." Mystery turned his attention forward again. "That is all."
Dib shrugged, keeping pace. His phone beeped. A quick glance confirmed it was the information he'd requested from Arthur. He re-pocketed it and they walked in silence for another ten minutes, passing several patches of flowering scrub brush that definitely weren't supposed to be blooming at this time of year. A simple violin melody caught Dib's ear, growing louder as they continued on. Soon they came upon Vivi and Shiro Mori sitting under a densely-leaved desert willow. Lewis hovered nearby, contentedly drawing his bow across the strings.
The music cut off with a discordant shriek of strings the moment Lewis noticed Mystery. Immediately, Mystery backed up several steps and lay down, chin resting on his crossed forepaws. Vivi raised a hand up to Lewis, murmuring softly as he drifted down to sit next to her. Lewis remained separate, but Dib saw how Vivi kept an eye on Mystery.
Dib cleared his throat. "Hi. Sorry to interrupt, but I come bearing good news. I just got a call from Arthur. He's fine. Kay is fine. Arthur has asked me to get their retrieval operation underway. He wants a few more days, but I can send a car to meet them taking a slow route there and fast track it on the return trip. We expect to get them back here in about a week and a half."
If glances were guns, it was like a Mexican standoff, with eyes darting around, each person assessing everyone else's reaction before giving their own.
"Who's going to pick them up?" Vivi finally asked.
"I'll probably send Torque and a couple other guys to back him up. Vivi, I'll need you to coordinate supplies while I arrange for an armored car. I want them shipping out no later than sundown."
"I thought it didn't matter, since it's going to take a while to get there."
"It'll make me feel productive if I can launch it faster, stop arguing with the boss."
"Yes, boss."
"Excuse me," Mystery interjected quietly. "I'd like to volunteer as one of the "other guys to back him up.'"
Dib wheeled around to face him, glaring. Despite the blazing sun beating down on him, Mystery remained in repose far from the circle of shade the rest enjoyed. He met nobody's eyes and offered no follow-up to his request.
"Much as I enjoy ordering Torque around, I've no interest in putting him at unnecessary risk."
"By sending me, you may be decreasing his risk."
"How do you figure that?"
"Arthur may intend to comply, but we cannot rely on his inherent stability, which is constantly in question, or his ability to keep his fears in check."
It was an eerie echo of his own conversation with Arthur. Before Dib could respond, Mystery continued. "I would also strongly advise against transporting them in an armored car. It will only reinforce Arthur's fear that this is a hostile meeting. If I were you, I would send much more comfortable transportation. To avoid hotel stops, I would even advise arranging for an RV. A gesture like that will help to put him at ease and make all parties more comfortable on the drive."
Dib blinked. It certainly seemed like sound advice, but… "And you think you're going to be able to control him? You were the one who sent him running for the hills, according to Vivi. What makes you think he won't take one look at you and hightail it again?"
"First, I don't intend to control him. I intend to reassure him of…" he glanced at Shiro Mori, raising his ears. Dib caught a nod from Shiro Mori, and Mystery continued. "Of Mother's intention to hear him. Thoroughly. And also I intend to apologize to him."
There was a beat, and then Vivi blurted, "You're going to apologize to him first?!"
Dib winced. Ouch. Sucks to be you right now, doggo.
But Mystery shifted his gaze to Vivi, his ears drooping on either side of his head. "Yes. To Arthur first. I know how to apologize to Arthur right now. I don't know how to apologize to either you or Lewis yet. I need more time to think about that. So first I will apologize to people for whom I have the right words."
Vivi stared hard at Mystery, then over to Shiro Mori. Then over to Lewis. Lewis said nothing, but clutched Vivi's hand. Vivi looked back to Shiro Mori.
Shiro inclined her head toward Vivi. "Please," she said. "I ask you this. I have done all your askings. Give his soul. Childmine will need it for journey longways away."
Vivi considered this for a minute, then squeezed Lewis' hand and released it, standing. As she crossed over to Mystery, a Deadbeat swooped up to her—Dib hadn't tracked its entrance—and coiled from one shoulder to the other. It held something small and glowy between its nubs. It looked very worried and snuggled close to her neck. She took the glowy thing from it, at which point it fled to Lewis, diving into the hollow of his suit.
Vivi stood in front of Mystery, who remained lying down. In that moment, her posture hit Dib full in in the gut. There wasn't a shred of fear in the squaring of her shoulders, the white-knuckled grip on the glow, or the wide stance. Her lips were pressed together. She was facing down a creature many times her size and danger level—had done so on a regular basis—and didn't tremble.
She's wasted running my calendar. I need that kind of nerve out in the field to back me up. She isn't always stable, but with Lewis around... Dib bit his lip. Time enough to talk employment shifts later.
"I want you to know that if you hurt anyone after I give you this, I will never. Ever. Accept your apology, no matter what words you come up with. You get me?"
Mystery's eyes glistened. "Understood."
"Open up."
Mystery opened his mouth wide, extending his tongue. Vivi looked down at the orb she held once more. She kissed it, briefly, then set it gently on his tongue. He pulled his tongue back, closing his jaws. His eyes lit up and he took a deep breath in and released it. Cautiously, he sat up and dropped his head down to Vivi's level. "I will find the right words by the time I return. And I will hurt no one."
"You do that." Her voice quavered a little. Then she turned to Dib. "So. About this transport team. Let's get back to base and work this out."
For a moment, Dib weighed the pros and cons of bringing up Kay's pregnancy at this point. Then he imagined the look on Mystery's face upon finding out he hadn't been informed of the full situation. He decided that he liked that a lot, and made a note to bring up the news to Lewis, Vivi, and Lance once Mystery had left. "Sounds good. Let's head back."
Arthur stared at Kay's cell for a full minute after he hung up on Dib. And then he laughed. His fingers shook with hilarity as he turned to Kay and signed, Dib figured out why the pills didn't work. We did a pretty big stupid this time. Guess.
Note: I vaguely remember promising that Dib was going to have a peripheral role in this fic, not a main one. Ah well. Narrative needs change. SO ABOUT The Future, EH? I mean, there was no saving consistency with canon after Hellbent told us that Mystery made Shiromori and not the other way around, but DOUBLY SMASHED after The Future. Live and learn, I can change nothing at this point. So far my only canon-compliant chapterfic is Explain It Like I'm Tree, and that's just cause I left the plot super loose and open ended and am in the early stages. Ah well. I'm having a blast. Welcome in the next round of enthusiasts and buckle up. Chapter title excerpted from All About Us by He Is We AND Owl City.
