A/N - Please take note of the rating, especially for this chapter. As I mentioned in the last update, this chapter is mostly a flashback of Allie's experience in college and contains a brief (but not graphic) scene of sexual assault.


Chapter Twenty-Nine

Thirteen Years Ago

Allie took one last look in the mirror, satisfied with the outfit she'd chosen for tonight. It was just sexy enough to meet the Sigma Phi house's rules for entry, but not too much that she felt uncomfortable. Her tight pencil skirt ended mid-thigh, and it was definitely shorter than she was used to wearing, but the rules did indicate that any skirt longer than 12 inches was prohibited.

She laughed a little to herself, shaking her head at these ridiculous rules, but it was the Sigma house and their rules were their rules, she supposed. She knew how frats worked, and knew it was more about the power and the control than anything, so she was willing to play by their rules for tonight, because at the next party, Kappa would be calling the shots.

Her eyes flicked back to the mirror as she turned up the Taylor Swift song playing from her mp3 player. A white button-up seemed like a bad idea for a lot of reasons. First, it was a little more transparent than she would've liked, but seeing as how she didn't have a button-up like that to go with her grey skirt, and had had to borrow one from her suitemate, Meg, beggars couldn't really be choosers. It was too late to go shopping anyway. Still...she'd been to plenty of Sigma parties before to know that someone was bound to dump a drink on her at some point. That was just how those parties went. And then that transparent button-up would be a lot more transparent, but there wasn't much she could do about it now.

But she was still wavering on just how many buttons to leave undone. Her black push-up bra didn't have that much to push up, exactly, but if she undid one more button, the entire front section of her lacy bra would be on full display. All that being said, she did have the correct amount of buttons left undone, per the carefully-worded Sigma rules for this corporate CEOs and office hoes party.

"Hey!" Meg called out from behind her. "Are you ready to go or what? Hannah just texted and said everyone is downstairs already."

Just as she glanced apprehensively one more time in the mirror, feeling a little too exposed, a little too uncomfortable with the skirt and the button-up, her phone started ringing on her nightstand. Allie dove for it, hitting the talk button to answer it.

"Hello?" she answered breathlessly.

"Hey, babe," her boyfriend's smooth voice greeted her. "You ladies almost on your way or what?"

"Hey, Ty. Yeah, we were just about to leave."

Allie's eyes lifted to where Meg was sprawled on her bed, and her suitemate rolled her eyes at her. Allie just huffed out a laugh and shook her head. It was sort of the truth anyway.

"Alright, babe. I just wanted to see where you were at," Tyler told her. "I haven't seen you all day, and I miss you. Ugh, I just wish you were here right now. We're good though, right?"

Allie inhaled slowly, and then another deep breath just to give herself a minute. "Yeah, Ty, everything's good. I'll text you when we're at the door, okay?"

"Sounds good. I'll make sure everyone gets in. See you in a bit. Love you, babe."

"Yeah," Allie exhaled, feeling her stomach churn a little at the three words she'd have to say next. "Love you too."

She hit the end button and tossed her phone onto her bed with a heavy sigh. It was all there in his voice - some apology, a little bit of indifference, more than a little bit of expectation. The night before had gotten...weird in his room at Sigma to say the least. And really uncomfortable. And, if she was being completely honest with herself, it had turned into something she really, really hadn't liked.

"Come on, babe. I don't get what the big deal is."

"You don't have to get it," she'd told him as she pushed his hand away from her skirt. "I don't want to do this right now."

Tyler had rolled off her, scrubbing both hands over his face, still shaking his head at her. "Oh yeah? Well, sorry. I guess I was just under the impression that my girlfriend would have sex with me at some point. What the fuck is the point of this anyway?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on, Allie," Tyler had laughed. "The whole house was watching one of your mom's movies last night. I don't know, but she seemed like she liked the train those dudes were runnin' on her, and yet here I am, getting turned down left and right. I just don't fucking get it, Allie."

Tears had pricked her eyes, and at that moment, all she'd wanted to do was get out of that room. "That's a really shitty thing to say to me. And I thought you promised you wouldn't let them do that in the house anymore. I told you I don't like that. It's bad enough everyone already knows about it. Why can't you guys watch some different porn, huh? It's not like you don't have plenty of options."

"Yeah, well, your mom looks like she gives good head. Just like you, babe."

"Fuck you."

Tyler's eyes had glinted with a darkness she wasn't so sure she liked, and then before she knew what was happening, his hands were in her hair, pulling her head down to shove her face roughly against the crotch of his jeans. He'd held her there for a few moments, pushing down with the kind of strength that scared her, and despite the fact that she struggled, he just muffled her protests against his jeans. When he finally let her up, she slapped him on the chest, and then hit him again when he burst out laughing.

"You asshole! That's not funny!"

"Sorry," he'd held his hands up in defense, and then propped his elbows behind his head with that charming smile on his face that always wore her defenses down. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to do that."

They'd spent the rest of the night still in that bed, watching some stupid movie Tyler had wanted to watch, but since then Allie hadn't been able to shake the pit forming in her stomach whenever she thought of that moment, or her boyfriend. She carried that feeling down the stairs with her in the Kappa house, where the rest of her sorority sisters were waiting so they could head to the Sigma party.

Allie trailed behind the rest of her friends - they were all in party mode, and a lot of them had already been pre-gaming in the house, but Allie just wasn't in the mood for this right now. If her presence wasn't expected by both her sisters and the whole Sigma house, she would've just made up some excuse to sit this one out. Besides, a CEOs and office hoes party was stupid and really goddamn sexist. But here she was, towing the party line, going along with something she really didn't feel comfortable with and really didn't want to do.

Maybe what was really needling away at her was that she really didn't want to have to see her boyfriend tonight, and maybe that was really the problem. She wanted to avoid him, and it would be pretty hard to avoid him at a party at his house. Sure, he'd told her he loved her. She said it back, and at the time, when they'd first started saying it, she'd thought she meant it. She thought he'd meant it too. But now, she was starting to feel like he was just telling her whatever he thought she needed to hear so he could get her clothes off.

Just like your mom.

And now, remembering the fact that Tyler's entire house had been watching some of her mom's movies before the party, and probably some of her dad's too...that just made her want to go to this party even less. Someone was going to say something stupid to her, and she didn't feel like clawing anyone's eyes out tonight.

She knew, deep down, that it needed to be over. They obviously weren't making each other happy, and Allie just couldn't take this goddamn pressure anymore. They'd been together for four months, and in her mind, she was well within her rights not to feel ready for sex, and to make sure he wanted to have sex with her for the right reasons. They'd gotten really serious really fast, and she just wanted them to slow down a little more. But every time they were alone together, it was basically non-stop. Tyler trying to put his hand down her pants, Tyler trying to put her hand down his pants, Tyler trying to talk her into something she just wasn't ready for. Sure, they'd messed around before and she had given him head before, but last night just...it just didn't feel right.

And it was becoming clearer and clearer that he really didn't want to have sex with her for the right reasons. That he was just telling her whatever he thought she needed to hear to get naked for him and act out some of those scenes from her parents' movies. It just needed to be over. She just needed to shake herself loose of him because he was a jerk, because he didn't really care about her anyway, and because all he was after with her was sex.

Her phone vibrated in her purse, and she rolled her eyes, huffing a little. Couldn't he just wait? She'd said they were on their way…but she checked the caller ID anyway, her eyebrows lifting when she realized who was calling her, and she immediately hit the answer button.

"Hey, Ope! What's up?"

"Hey, Al," her step-brother's deep voice greeted her, but all the yelling and the hollering in the background made him really difficult to hear. "How's it goin'?"

"I'm okay," she laughed. "What's going on by you? I can barely hear you - are you in the clubhouse?"

"Yeah!" Opie was yelling now, probably so she could hear him better. "We're celebratin', 'cuz I just found out I'm gonna be a dad!"

Allie's steps stalled in surprise, her eyes and her mouth both opening wide. Holy shit. Maybe he was celebrating now…but Opie and Donna were 19. That was crazy. Completely crazy. And she had a sinking feeling Donna wasn't exactly celebrating the way Opie was right now. But still, she pushed that aside, and gave him what he'd called her for.

"That's great, Ope! Congratulations!"

"Yeah, you're gonna be an aunt!"

"How far along is she?"

Opie just laughed over the noise, and she could practically see him shaking his head. "Fuck if I know. All I know is that she's knocked up with my kid."

"Well, I'm really…" she trailed off as another painfully familiar voice filled her ear.

"Who the fuck you talkin' to, Ope?" his deep voice rumbled. "You got a shot waitin' for ya on the bar!"

Then, from what she could tell, there were some muffled voices and some shuffling and probably a little bit of a struggle before she heard Opie cry out, "Hey, asshole! That's my phone!" and then his smooth voice filled her ear again.

"Hello? Who the fuck is this?"

Allie pushed a deep breath, ignoring the way her heart twisted at the sound of his voice, and replied wryly, "Hello, Jax."

"Aw, darlin', I just knew it was you," Jax told her, his words slurred and heavy like he was already knee-deep in a bottle of whatever they'd been drinking tonight.

"That's nice."

This was the fourth or fifth time he'd grabbed the phone away from Opie whenever he'd been talking to her in the last few months, and when it was clear they'd been drinking pretty heavily in the clubhouse. She didn't know whether to be annoyed or a little thrilled by it.

Considering these little phone conversations were the most they'd ever talked…probably ever, in the years she'd known him, and definitely more than he'd ever bothered to say to her in high school, it was weird that he'd pick now, when she'd already been away at school for almost two years, to be grabbing the phone from Opie like this. Allie couldn't really make heads or tails of it. And just like the other times before, she knew she should hang up on his drunk ass, but she just couldn't. Hearing his voice over the phone warmed her in a way Tyler's voice never did, and she wasn't going to spend too much time thinking about that right now either.

Still, she didn't know where he got off thinking she even wanted to talk to him in the first place. He certainly hadn't changed since they'd graduated, and if anything, he'd only gotten worse since he and Opie had officially patched into the club. He probably did know she'd rather lick rust than purposefully have a conversation with him, even if it was just over the phone, and that was probably exactly why he'd wrangled the phone from Opie just now.

"And what are you up to on this fine evening?" he slurred again.

"I'm headed to a party with some of my sorority sisters."

"Nice," he laughed. "And where you headed to? A jell-o wrestling contest? Maybe a wet T-shirt competition instead?"

It was right on the tip of her tongue to tell him to screw off, or at the very least just hang up on him, but the truth spilled out of her before she could stop herself. "It's a corporate CEOs and office hoes party, actually."

"Well," he chuckled, his deep voice vibrating a little too sexily over the phone for her liking. "Even better. And I assume you're dressed appropriately?"

"You assume correctly. My skirt is the appropriate length for entry into the house."

She could practically see the expression that had to be written all over his face, and as much as she hated to admit it, that did give her a little thrill.

"What is the appropriate length for entry into the house, anyway? Five inches? Six inches?"

"Twelve inches," she informed him dryly. "And the party's at my boyfriend's frat house."

That didn't deter his amused, albeit bitter, chuckle. "Ooh, look at you. Fancy college girl with her fancy college boyfriend goin' to a fancy college party."

And…she was done with this conversation. "Oh yeah? Well, I hope your dick falls off, you asshole."

"Nah, don't worry about me, darlin'," he chuckled heartily. "My dick's gonna be gettin' a little workout tonight, but I'm sure I'll survive."

"Here's hoping you don't."

"Keep tellin' yourself that," he slurred again. "Ya know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a little jealous of the lucky girls who're gonna get the privilege of ridin' my dick tonight."

Allie huffed out a laugh, shaking her head and rolling her eyes when Megan turned around to see what she was laughing at. "You mean the lucky girls who're gonna get your laundry list of venereal diseases?"

He barked out a laugh. "Oh, there's no way that's happening. I always wrap my tool, darlin'. Always."

"You're the worst. And an asshole, just to be clear," she smiled into the phone. "Seeing as how you can't keep yourself to just one tonight."

"Oh, you know it. I've got my eye on a couple options right now."

"Gross. Now I really do hope your dick falls off because you deserve it."

His laugh bounced off the speaker, warming her body in a way she didn't like. "Thanks, darlin'. Glad to know you care so much about my dick."

"Eat glass, Jax."

He was still chuckling through the phone when she heard a muffled shout, and some more muffled noises in the background before she heard Opie's voice again. "Sorry about that asshole, Al. He's pretty wasted already, if you couldn't tell."

"Yeah," she huffed. "I could tell."

"There's no way he's gonna remember this in the morning, so just - whatever he said to you, just forget it."

And then she heard Jax hollering in the background: "Hey, you fucker! I wasn't done talkin' to her yet! No, don't push me -"

"Sorry, Al," Opie told her. "I gotta go. Shit's about to take a turn here real quick. We'll talk later - you have a good night, okay? Be safe."

"You too, Ope," she smiled. "And I will."

She hit the end button and tossed her phone back into her purse, still shaking her head. It was over, she told herself. All of it - this stupid relationship with Tyler that wasn't even much of a relationship anyway, that stupid crush she'd had on Jax in high school. All of that just needed to get far, far behind her.

"Hey, Allie?" one of her Kappa sisters, Kara, and incidentally, the chapter president, was watching her now from over her shoulder with careful, suspicious eyes.

"Yeah?"

Kara's eyes narrowed slightly. "Did I just hear you tell someone you hoped their dick fell off? Is that what I heard?"

"Uh…" Allie's eyes drifted helplessly to Megan, who just grimaced back at her with a shrug.

"I'm pretty sure Tyler wouldn't be happy to know you were talking to another guy like that, Allie," Kara told her in a syrupy-sweet, venom-laced voice.

I'm pretty sure you should mind your own goddamn business, Kara, she thought hotly, but she also knew better than to talk to her sorority president that way.

"I wasn't talking to another guy," Allie jumped to explain. "I was talking to my brother and then one of his asshole friends grabbed the phone away from him."

Kara eyed her warily. "So you were talking to another guy."

"Didn't you hear what Allie said?" Meg jumped in. "Geez. Just drop it. We're almost at the party anyway."

Allie glanced up for the first time since she'd been on the phone with Opie and Jax, really taking in her surroundings, and realized that they actually were almost to the Sigma house. And in the time she'd been talking to Jax, she'd also been completely distracted from the fact that she absolutely did not want to be at this party. She'd think about thanking him next time he grabbed the phone away from Ope, but she had a feeling he'd like that too much.

Sigma house was a typical frat house on Greek row at USC, except for the fact that it was also the frat house, and only the most popular, attractive, and athletic guys on campus had any real shot at becoming a member. The frat itself was just as exclusive as their parties - they had a guest list, and if you weren't on it, you didn't have a prayer of getting in. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if Tyler would blacklist her from Sigma's parties after she ended things, but that was something she could live with, if it meant she didn't have to put on this stupid act with him anymore.

Tomorrow, she told herself, as she shot her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend a text to let him know they were almost there. After this stupid, sexist party was over, and when they could just talk like adults and go their separate ways. The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene at a place like this, with all her sorority sisters around - and at the Sigma house especially. If people talked shit about her before, they really would now if she made a scene with Tyler tonight.

True to his word, Tyler was waiting for the Kappa girls at the front door, dressed to the nines in his suit jacket, tie, and dress pants. His chiseled chest and abs were on full display, seeing as how he was shirtless underneath his suit jacket, and before, she might've been drooling at the sight. Now, she just rolled her eyes at the annoying display. He really thought he was hot shit, didn't he?

Ugh, she was just so over all of this.

But, of course, she had a part to play tonight. And she'd play that part because that was what she was supposed to do, and what was expected of her. So, she dutifully kissed Tyler on the cheek when he let the Kappa girls in, one by one, checked them all off the guest list, and gave them all their "re-entry stickers," which was just a carefully drawn smiley face right on top of their cleavage. He drew those smiley faces on every single one of her sorority sisters, and Allie found herself narrowing her eyes when Kara stood up on her tiptoes to whisper something in Tyler's ear. In about half a second, Tyler's head whipped around to face Allie, his dark eyes slicing through her dangerously.

So Kara obviously wasted zero time in being a little tattle-tale.

When it was her turn to get the smiley face, Tyler took his sweet time with the magic marker, probably thinking he was being sexy or something, which was pretty impossible since she'd just had to watch him do the same thing to about eight girls ahead of her.

Then he dipped his head lower to murmur in her ear, "What's this I hear about you talking to some other guy on the way over here?"

Allie flashed Kara a quick glare, but Kara just played stupid. That was a role Kara was pretty good at playing.

"I was talking to my brother, and he was telling me that his girlfriend is pregnant, and that I'm gonna be an aunt. Is that okay with you or is my brother off-limits to talk to?"

Tyler's hands immediately flew up in the air, and he reared back like that was the worst thing she'd ever said to him, and like he couldn't figure out just what he'd done that was so bad.

"Okay, okay. Shit, sorry. She said something about you telling some guy you hoped his dick fell off. You talk to your brother like that?"

Oh, so it was going to be like that? When she wasn't even inside the party yet? Fine, she could play this game if that's what he wanted to do.

"No," Allie shot back hotly. "I don't talk to my brother like that. He was at the clubhouse celebrating and one of his stupid friends grabbed the phone from him, and that's who I was talking to when I told him I hoped his dick fell off," and then she leaned in so only he could hear, "And Ty, I hope your dick falls off because you're being a real asshole right now. How many girls' boobs have you drawn smiley faces on already tonight, huh? 50? 100?"

Tyler reared back again, a cocky smirk crossing his face as he leaned closer to her. "Alright, so it's gonna be like that tonight? I thought you said we were fine?"

"Maybe I lied."

He just huffed out a laugh, shaking his head as she pushed past him to follow Megan inside the house. Allie didn't bother looking over her shoulder to see if he was following her. She figured he probably was, and she just couldn't deal with this right now. So much so that she was seriously considering just leaving and telling him to go fuck himself in front of everybody tonight.

But seeing as how she was already in the house, she figured she might as well try to salvage what was left of the night. So, she marched right over to the kitchen, where there was an assortment of open bottles and a massive punch bowl. She learned a while ago that she really didn't like beer, so she steered clear of the keg, reaching for a red solo cup instead and filling it to the top with the contents of the punch bowl - Tyler's signature jungle juice concoction of vodka, gin, whiskey, fruit punch, orange soda, and a little bit of grenadine. It was disgusting, but it would get the job done tonight.

Before that run-in with Tyler at the door, she'd just wanted to blend in and have a drink or two. Now, she was just done. Now, she just wanted to numb herself from all this shit and dance and have a good time and then pass out in her bed. That didn't seem like too much to ask.

She felt a warm hand slide around her waist, but she batted it away. The last thing she wanted right now was for him to touch her. After polishing off her first cup, she immediately refilled it and took a few big gulps as she looked for Meg out on the dance floor.

"You gonna slow down," Tyler murmured in her ear from behind her. "Or am I gonna be picking you off the floor tonight?"

His hands ghosted around her waist again, but she just shrugged out of his grasp, only to be reeled back in until she felt his hot breath on her ear again.

"Is this about last night?" he whispered. "I told you I was sorry about that. I didn't mean it, babe."

"Bullshit you didn't mean it," Allie told him from over her shoulder. "I think you knew exactly what you were doing and you just didn't care."

"Aw, come on, babe. You don't have to be such a bitch about it, you know."

Allie just huffed out a laugh and took another big gulp, wincing as the alcohol burned her throat. She shoved him away as she polished off her second cup, and then promptly reached for the ladle in the punch bowl to fill it again.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Allie," Tyler shook his head, his eyes wide. "Slow the hell down."

"Don't tell me what to do," she sassed back, pushing her way through the crowd to find Meg out on the dance floor, and leaving Tyler in her wake.

She found her suitemate sandwiched between one of Tyler's Sigma brothers and his football player buddies, dancing away and having the time of her life with a red solo cup in her hand. She joined Meg out in the middle just as "Yeah" by Usher started blaring through the speakers mounted up on the wall. Finally, she could just let herself have a good time - and she did just that, feeling loose and limber from the alcohol buzzing through her, raising her arms in the air, red solo cup and all, to dance and sing along to the song.

After two Rhianna songs, and a P!nk song, Allie was swaying along to "Gold Digger" by Kanye West, when she felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around her waist, moving to the music with her body. She leaned in for a moment, giving in to the routine, to the act and the part she had to play, and then she remembered herself, and remembered that he was an asshole who she was absolutely breaking up with. And then she shoved out of his arms, turning around to find Tyler's furious dark eyes staring down at her.

"This is not the time or the place," he whispered harshly. "All my fucking brothers are around right now. Don't pull this shit here."

"I don't really care," Allie shot back. She was just so over this, and she just wanted to be left alone to have a good night, but he just couldn't take the hint. "I don't wanna do this with you anymore. Leave me alone."

She turned on her heel to walk away, but his hand shot out to grip her wrist and yank her back, slamming her right into his chest.

"You don't get to decide when we're over and when we're not," he murmured darkly. "We're not over, Allie. We're just fucking not."

Allie yanked her arm away and gave him a hard shove in the chest, sending him stumbling backward into the guy behind him, but he just pushed off the guy and stalked away.

Good, Allie thought, now leave me the hell alone.

She watched him long enough to see his dark head disappear in the crowd, and then she caught Meg's eye, gesturing with her head toward the kitchen and holding up her empty cup. Meg just shook her head, signaling that she was going to stay by the dance floor, so Allie just shrugged and made her way through the crowd back over to that punch bowl. She filled up her cup for refill number four, taking a generous swig, and ignoring the way the room had started to tilt ever so slightly.

Tyler and one of his buddies, Justin, appeared in the kitchen, and Tyler eyed her warily as he grabbed hold of the tequila next to him and took a long pull directly from the bottle. Then he held it out to her, his eyebrows lifting in challenge.

"You might as well finish the job, Allie," he told her above the pounding music. "Go ahead. You know you want to."

Allie lifted a shoulder, determined to meet that challenge head-on. She had to squint a little to see the bottle he was holding out to her, and the first time she reached for it, all she got was a handful of air.

Faint snickering echoed somewhere above her head, and then Tyler stepped closer to put the tequila bottle in her hand. Once her knuckles closed around it, she brought it up to her lips and took a long pull, purposefully holding her lips around it longer than Tyler did, as if that would somehow prove something to him. Then she wiped her mouth, stumbling back into the counter behind her. But she rallied, surging forward with some newfound balance, and downed the rest of the contents of her red solo cup.

Then, with her eyes locked on Tyler, she held up the cup dramatically and let it slip from her fingertips, sending it tumbling down to the counter, where it bounced off the edge and landed on the ground.

She bared her teeth at him through a grin and then turned her wrist to flip him the bird. And then she grabbed a fresh cup and filled it again.

"That little thing is gonna be face down on the floor pretty soon, bro," Justin muttered to Tyler, who just lifted a shoulder.

Tyler kept his dark eyes fixed on her as he replied, "Who fucking cares."

Allie just flipped him the middle finger again as she stalked out of the kitchen and as her equilibrium shifted on its axis, and fixed permanently to the left. And then it moved to the right, and then to the left again as the room got a tiny bit more blurry. She poured some more jungle juice down her throat, satisfied that it didn't seem to burn her throat anymore. Everything had finally gone comfortably numb. Now, she could finally just shut all the noise out and just forget for a little while.

She had about half her cup down already by the time she stumbled into the living room, where a small crowd had gathered around the TV. They were whooping and hollering and cheering, and she pushed her way through, teetering on her high heels, and wobbling backward when someone jostled her from behind. Even though her vision was blurry, and starting to double, it took all of three seconds to realize what was playing on the screen right now.

Allie stumbled forward, jabbing a finger at the screen just as her mom dipped her head down to wrap her lips around some guy's dick.

"Turn that off!"

That only egged the small crowd on, and one of them - some dumbass football player probably - pointed at her with his mouth gaping open in sick amusement.

"Dude, that's your mom, right? Your fucking mom?"

"Shut up, you jerk!" Allie shouted back at him. She felt like she'd somehow stepped outside her body, watching this happen. "Somebody turn that off!"

She turned around, immediately assaulted by the image of her mom's head bobbing up and down on the TV screen, and when she opened her eyes again, more people were openly laughing at her.

"Anybody wanna take some bets on whether this little firecracker over here knows how to bang like mommy?"

"What's it gonna take, huh, baby girl? Can we make a movie too or does that cost extra?"

Allie saw red - blurry, hazy red - and she stared up at the wall of muscle in front of her, holding her ground, despite the way the room sputtered and churned around her. "You think I'd ever let that shriveled up dick anywhere near me, asshole?"

"Whoa!" someone on the other side of her laughed. "Little kitty cat's got some claws!"

Now, Allie spun on her heel to face the jerk who dared to laugh at her. "I said. Turn. It. Off."

"Ooo," he wiggled his fingers in her face. "What are you gonna do about it?"

She didn't hesitate, choosing to respond by tipping what was left of her drink over the top of the idiot's head. Loud catcalls and more whoops filled the air, and then some arms wrapped around her waist to spin her around, whisking her out of the room and away from that TV where her mom was going to town on some guy.

"That's enough," Tyler murmured in her ear. "You're officially cut off for the night."

Allie struggled against his grasp, elbowing him with her free arm, but he didn't give, hauling her back to the kitchen, where he deposited her on top of the counter.

"Leave me alone, Ty," she groped in the air for him, missing his chest on the first try, and barely hitting him on the second try. He was standing in front of her. She knew that. The problem was that she couldn't really see him though. "I don't wanna be with you anymore."

"Are you done making a fool of me tonight? Can you just stop acting like such a drunk bitch right now?"

"Oh, it's all about you, isn't it? It's all about what you want."

Tyler made a grab for her, but somehow she jerked out of his grip, jostling backward but catching herself just in time before she fell right off the counter.

"Fuck you, Ty," Allie slurred, her voice feeling heavy, weighed down by every beat that pulsed from the speakers above them. "We're done. O-ver. I'm sick of you being such a jerk every single day just because you're not getting what you want. What about what I want, huh? Did you ever think of that?"

He stepped forward, trying to move in between her legs, and started kissing her neck. "What do you want then, babe? Just tell me what you want and I'll do it."

Allie shoved him hard in the chest. "I want you to leave me alone!"

His eyes darkened into narrowed slits and he moved in between her legs again, putting both hands around her face to force her to look at him. She didn't want to look at him, and she definitely didn't want him in between her legs like this. Allie tried to bat his hands away, but it was like they were gridlocked around her face, refusing to listen to her, refusing to do what she was telling him to do.

"Come on, babe. This isn't cool," Tyler murmured, his face a hard block of ice. "I love you, Allie. I fucking love you, and you're being a real bitch right now."

She batted at his hands again, shaking her head, trying to push herself off the counter, but something was in her way. "No, you don't. You don't love me. And you wanna know what? I don't think I love you either."

That was the truth. She'd finally said it. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. She didn't know why she'd ever thought she loved him in the first place. It wasn't like he deserved it. They'd just been pretending to feel things they didn't really feel, and now they could stop pretending. And somewhere beneath the fog and the sea of blurry faces she was wading through, she knew another truth too. But those were words she knew she could never tell anyone or ever say out loud.

She pushed and shoved the mountain in front of her away, finally breaking free of it, teetering on her heels when they hit the floor. Her eyes closed to ward off the dizziness that hit her in waves, and when she opened them again, everything was out of focus, and blurry. She tried to find just one familiar face to zero in on for some balance, but everything was starting to tip to the side again, twisting and turning until it all turned upside down. Allie stopped right in the middle of somewhere, but she didn't know where that somewhere was. How had she gotten here? Where was here?

Her eyes squeezed shut again, and when she opened them, there was a doorway. Blurry faces were moving in and around it, and maybe that was where she was supposed to go? She could leave this place then, couldn't she? Where was her bed? She just wanted to lay down and fall asleep. Her feet felt heavy and she couldn't lift her arms. Why couldn't she lift her arms?

Her feet started moving toward that doorway, just as a tall blonde figure walked through. Allie squinted, her hand reaching out, batting away the fog, to see what was really in front of her. The leather seemed real, for just a second. The long, surfer-boy blonde hair seemed real, even if it was just for a second. He was smiling at her now with that familiar, lop-sided smirk that twisted her insides around and back again. And those navy blue eyes…they seemed real. Weren't they?

She closed her eyes again, and shook her head. When she opened then again, he was gone. Allie's heavy feet carried her out of that doorway and onto the grass. Her shoes were in her hands now, but she didn't know how they'd gotten there. Now, she groped inside her purse for her phone, squinting through the blurry screen until she found her recent calls and hit dial.

It rang and rang and rang. And then she immediately hit the call button again. It rang and rang and rang, but this time, she heard it:

"Allie?"

She thought that was Opie's voice. It sounded like him. She thought she'd meant to call him.

"Allie, you okay?"

"Hmm, I don't know," her voice didn't sound like her voice. But then Opie's voice didn't sound like Opie's voice either.

"What do you mean you don't know? Where are you right now?"

She looked around, but there was nothing to see. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. "I don't know."

"Alright, Allie. Just stay right where you are. Don't move. Are you outside? Inside?"

Allie swallowed hard, turning around and around in a circle until something came barreling right at her.

"Allie!" Meg yelled, waving her arms around to get her attention. "What are you doing? Were you gonna walk home by yourself? What the hell?"

"Allie?" she heard someone calling out to her from the phone still by her ear. Then Meg took the phone from her and started talking into it.

"Hi, this is her roommate," Meg told him. "Hi…yeah, I got her. Yeah, she's really, really drunk right now. I think she was gonna try to walk home by herself…I'll make sure she gets somewhere safe tonight. Her boyfriend is around here somewhere…yeah, no problem. Bye."

Then Meg put Allie's phone back in her purse, and gripped her elbow to start pulling her back into the house. "I can't believe you were gonna walk home by yourself. That's really stupid, Allie. You freaked your brother out too, I think."

Her feet were moving again, but she didn't know where she was going. There were hands on her hips now, she thought - were those her hands or someone else's? Allie stumbled, and she squinted again, leaning in and falling down on something else, but then she was being lifted up in the air. Loud cheers echoed and bounced off the walls, but they got further and further away as the world tilted and spun around her.

Darkness surrounded her, pulling her in until it felt like she was running down a dark tunnel. Suddenly, she landed on something soft. Something blue. Hands were on her head, in her hair, pulling her face somewhere, and holding her down. Something hard was in her mouth and it hit the back of her throat, but she pushed against it, shaking her head, trying to form the words that just wouldn't come.

The words were there, right in the back of her throat with that thing, but she just couldn't bust them loose.

She didn't want that thing in her mouth. She pushed again, holding her arms out to keep it away, and something was pushing her back, holding her down until her face hit soft fabric underneath her.

Cool air hit her skin, hands crept up her skirt, pressure hit the back of her head, keeping her in place, holding her down, and as she drifted in and out of that deep darkness, she felt it. Burning and stretching, pushing inside, invading her body, but she couldn't move her arms to push it away. Couldn't move at all. Whatever it was, it just hurt. It burned and it just hurt.

She squeezed her eyes shut, finally willing that darkness to just take her and carry her away.


Shooting pain hit her in waves as Allie pinched her eyes open, rolling onto her side. That didn't feel any better, and she groaned, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Her eyes drifted down to the blue comforter covering her, and then with mounting dread, her eyes slammed into Tyler's sleeping back. Allie sucked in a harsh breath, squeezing her eyes shut as she lifted the blanket, before finally letting herself glance down to find her skirt pushed all the way up to her hips. Her underwear was nowhere to be found.

Her heart flip flopped into her stomach, and for a moment, she thought she was going to throw up right here in this bed.

And as she moved slowly off the bed, that dull ache between her legs deepened and burned, but she winced through the pain, groping around the floor for her lost underwear and pushing her skirt back down.

By now, Tyler had stirred in his bed, shifting on his back to face her with a dumb smile on his face.

"Hey, babe," he murmured sleepily. "You on your way back to your house? You can stay a little longer if you want."

Allie reared back, blinking at him like he'd just sprouted a second head. "Tyler, did we - did we have sex last night?"

He just frowned back at her. "What do you mean?"

Her heart stammered in her chest now. "Did we have sex last night? It's not a complicated question."

"You don't know?"

"No, I don't know," she huffed in frustration. "That's why I'm asking. And if we did…Tyler, I didn't want -"

Tyler shot off the bed in a flash, and she winced at his nakedness, unable to watch as he pulled a pair of shorts over his hips. "Now, hold on just a second," he held a hand out to her, but she stepped out of his reach. "You were all over me last night, babe. You don't remember that? You were practically taking my clothes off in the kitchen in front of everyone."

Allie frowned, shaking her head as she sifted through what she did remember from the night before, and it definitely wasn't that. "No. That's not what happened."

"Babe," he sighed. "You were wasted off your ass. You obviously don't remember - and hey, I was drunk too, okay? It's not my fault you shoved your hand down my pants and told me you wanted to go upstairs with me. Don't fucking put that on me because you were too drunk to control yourself."

"There's no way I did that. No…that's not something I would do. That's not something I wanted to do."

"Yeah?" Tyler just ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "Well, you did."

"No, I didn't. I remember telling you to leave me alone. I remember telling you I didn't want to be with you anymore, which, now I really don't want to be with you anymore. How could you do that -"

"I didn't do jackshit," Tyler's dark eyes turned to stone, and he jabbed a finger in her face. "You were the one who had your hands all over me. You were the one who said you wanted to go upstairs. If you did something last night you didn't wanna do because you were too wasted, then you've got no one to blame but yourself for that, babe."

"I remember pushing you away in the kitchen. I did that. I know I did that," Allie whispered, more to herself than anything. "I didn't want to have sex with you last night, Tyler. I didn't want to have sex with you ever."

He just huffed out a laugh. "Oh yeah? Well, you sure as hell weren't saying no last night."

She'd tried though, hadn't she? She thought she did, but the words just wouldn't tumble out of her mouth. She'd tried. She really had. She knew that. How was her getting drunk last night an open invitation?

And then she remembered.

"Tyler," she whispered. "Did you use a condom last night?"

His eyes widened just enough to tell her everything she needed to know, and now it felt like the walls were closing in on her. She shook her head furiously, backing up until she hit the door behind her. She didn't know where her phone or her shoes or her purse were, but she didn't care right now. Right now, she just needed to get out of this room.

"Allie," Tyler held out a hand, approaching her slowly as if she was some wild animal in a cage. "Let's just talk about this for a second. I'm sorry you feel that way about last night, okay? I don't want you to feel like that. Let's just talk about it. We're not breaking up. We can figure this out. And if I fucking remember right, I was the one telling you to slow down and not to get so goddamn drunk. It's not my fault you got so wasted you don't remember what happened. But you didn't say no. We need to be clear about that, Allie. You didn't fucking say no."

"I don't remember saying yes either," she whispered back. "And we absolutely are breaking up. I don't ever want to see you again."

Despite his protests, she opened the door behind her and hurried down the stairs, ignoring the snickers and whispers behind her about her walk of shame. She didn't care about that. She just needed to get out of this house and into her own bed, where she could just pull the covers over her head and forget about it.

Her feet carried her all the way back to her own house, where she changed, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and then practically sprinted over to the student clinic on campus. The nurse there cocked an eyebrow when she asked for plan B, and then rattled off a series of questions that almost had Allie screaming at the top of her lungs:

"How many hours has it been since you had sex?"

"I don't know," Allie responded, swallowing hard at the way the nurse was looking at her now and the tight line creasing across her lips.

"How sure are you that you didn't use contraception?"

"Pretty sure."

The nurse narrowed her eyes at Allie, and dropped her eyes back down to the sheet in front of her. "And when was your last period?"

Allie's shoulders sagged. "What difference does it make?"

"Please answer the question, Ms. Levy."

"I just had it last week."

The nurse nodded tersely, checking some more boxes and asking her a few more questions about any prescription drugs she might already be taking before turning on her heel and disappearing down a hallway to talk to the doctor on shift. It felt like it took forever, and it was certainly plenty of time for three girls she recognized from her psychology class to pass by the window and see her, hurriedly whispering as they walked past. But finally, that nurse came back and handed her a white paper bag.

"Here you go, Ms. Levy. I'd recommend taking the pill as soon as you can, but the instructions are straightforward and inside the bag if you need them."

"Okay, thanks."

The nurse just sent her a tight nod, that taut line still running across her thin lips. Allie shot her a quick smile, made an appointment to come back for an STD test, and then turned on her heel to head back to her house. But the second she made eye contact with Meg in their suite, she crumbled.


"Okay, Ms. Levy, thank you for coming in today," Officer Harding told her with a light nod. He gestured to Meg, who sat next to Allie with her hand wrapped tightly around Allie's. "And thank you for being here with your friend today. I know these things are never easy."

Allie nodded tightly, unable to believe that she was really sitting here in this police station. How had this become her life? It didn't help that her throat felt like sandpaper or that her head felt like someone was hitting her with a jackhammer over and over again. Or that she'd thrown up twice before coming into the station. But Meg hadn't taken no for an answer. At first, she'd been horrified that she'd been the one to push Allie at Tyler when she'd brought her back inside the house, but Meg had just been trying to be a good friend. She'd thought Allie would be safe with her boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. And by all rights, she should'vebeen. She should've been.

And after Allie had told her suitemate everything she remembered, and everything she didn't remember, Meg hadn't let it go. She hadn't let Allie sweep it under the rug and try to pretend it didn't happen. What he did to you was wrong, Meg had said, and you need to tell somebody.

So, here she was. Telling somebody. She didn't really want to. Didn't really want to see him get in trouble, not like this. This would ruin his life, wouldn't it? She didn't really want that, not like this, not right now. He'd been her boyfriend, even if they were broken up now, and she didn't want him to get in any trouble because of her. And she really didn't want to have to say it all out loud. Everyone would know then. Everyone would find out what he did. And right now, she just wanted to make it all go away and pretend it never happened.

But here she was. Telling somebody - that was the right thing to do now though, wasn't it? When something like this happened to you, you were supposed to go to the cops and report it, right?

"Alright, Ms. Levy, why don't we just start from the beginning. So, you went to a party last night?"

"Right," she nodded. "It was a CEOs and office hoes party."

Officer Harding glanced up from his notes, his face an impassive line. "And which fraternity did you go to?"

Allie glanced at Meg nervously. Did he really need to know that? Would the frat get in trouble too? That was the last thing she wanted to happen. She might as well not even go back to campus if that happened.

"Um, does it matter?"

He studied her carefully, before replying, "It does matter. But we can come back to that question later. Do you remember what time you got to the party?"

"Around 10:00, I think."

Of course, if she still had her phone, she could check what time she'd gotten that call from Opie and see how long the call had lasted to give Officer Harding a more concrete answer, but it was what it was.

"And what time did you have dinner last night? Did you have anything to eat before you went to the party?

Allie frowned a little in thought. "I think I ate at around six or seven. I went to the union with some of my sorority sisters. But I didn't eat anything right before we left for the party."

Officer Harding nodded easily, jotting some notes down on his pad. "Okay. When did you start drinking at the party?"

"Pretty much right away. There was some punch in a bowl - my boy...my ex-boyfriend makes it for all the parties. It's just vodka, gin, whiskey - whatever they've got lying around in the house - and then he mixes it with juice and soda. It's pretty strong."

He nodded with a tight smile. "I can imagine. How many cups did you have?"

"I had…" she frowned, sifting through what she remembered to come up with the number. "Four cups, I think? Maybe five. I think I had some tequila too."

"Shots?"

"No," she shook her head. "I think I was drinking out of the bottle. I'm not quite sure how much I had though."

She winced a little as soon as those words left her mouth. She knew exactly what that sounded like. But, at the same time, she didn't want to give him the wrong information either. If she really wasn't sure about something that happened last night, it seemed like she needed to tell him that too, and be as honest as possible about what she remembered, and what she didn't.

"Alright, Ms. Levy. Do you mind telling me your height and weight? It's just to get a better gauge of what your intoxication level was last night."

"Sure," she nodded through her frown. "I'm 5 foot 3. About 115 pounds, I think."

Officer Harding nodded tightly again, jotting some more things down on that notepad. "So, let's walk through last night, step by step, okay? You said you were at a frat party - a CEOs and hoes party?"

"That's right."

"And were you dressed for the party too?"

Allie frowned, nodding slowly. "Yeah. I was. Why does that matter?"

"Just trying to get all the facts, Ms. Levy. I appreciate your honesty," Officer Harding told her easily. "So you came to the party with some friends and then met up with your boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," Allie corrected him immediately. "We broke up last night, and then again this morning, I guess. And yes, I met up with him there. We got into a fight…I was still mad about something that had happened the night before, and we were fighting. I started drinking after that because I was just mad about the whole thing and I didn't really want to be at that party anyway."

"And at what point did you go upstairs with him?"

"I don't know," Allie shook her head. There were just too many foggy memories to sift through, and she just didn't want to be wrong about any of this when she was talking to a police officer. "We were fighting some more, and I kept telling him to leave me alone and I kept trying to break up with him, but he wasn't leaving me alone. I remember pushing him away when he was trying to kiss me in the kitchen. I know I did that."

"And then you continued to drink?"

She felt her chest tighten at that question. "I think I did."

Or maybe she didn't. She wasn't so sure anymore, but then she did remember: "I know at some point I went outside, I think I was outside, and I called my brother before I went upstairs with Tyler."

Officer Harding dipped his head a little lower, watching her carefully. "Do you remember what time that was?"

"No."

"But this was after you fought with your ex-boyfriend? After you stopped drinking for the night?"

"I think so."

"And you were able to dial his number? Did you have any problems making the call at all?"

Allie's eyes narrowed a little. "I don't know. I think the screen was pretty blurry at that point, and I remember having to squint at my screen to find his name."

"But you were still able to make the call? Have a conversation with him at that point?"

Her lips parted, but her heart slid right into her stomach. She could see exactly where this was going now. "Yes, I could make the call. I was talking to him, but I wasn't really saying anything, you know? I didn't even know where I was."

"But you were aware you were on the phone with your brother?"

Allie's eyebrows knitted together in a tight frown. "Yes, I was aware I was on the phone with my brother. I was trying to call him, but I don't really know why. He basically lives on the other side of the state - it's not like he would've been able to come get me or anything."

"Okay," Officer Harding nodded tersely. "So after you got off the phone with your brother, you went upstairs with your ex-boyfriend? Can you tell me what you remember about that?"

"I think Meg came out to get me -"

"That's right," Meg added quickly. "I did. I think she was going to try to walk home by herself, so I grabbed her and brought her back inside."

"And then…" Allie trailed off, pushing back the tears that burned her eyes. "I don't remember much else. I think he might've carried me up the stairs. I don't remember walking up them, but I guess I might've. I'm not sure. He was putting something in my mouth and I -"

"What did he put in your mouth?" Officer Harding leaned in a little, his face an impassive mask.

Allie swallowed, knowing exactly how this was going to sound when it came out. "I mean I think it was his…his penis, it had to have been. I don't know what else it could've been, but I…I don't…I think it was in my mouth."

"You think it was in your mouth."

"Right," Allie exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry…I'm just trying to remember this right. He said I was all over him before we went upstairs, but I don't remember that. I really don't think I would've done that because I didn't want him anywhere near me. I just wanted him to leave me alone."

"But he said you were all over him? You don't have any recollection of what happened between the two of you before you went upstairs with him?"

Allie just shook her head. "He said I was trying to put my hand down his pants, but I don't remember doing that. I don't think I would've done that, not in front of other people. He was always trying to get me to have sex with him, and I never wanted to - I really don't think I would've done any of those things."

"Do you remember saying anything to him when you went upstairs with him?"

"No," she shook her head. "And I'm pretty sure he carried me upstairs. I'm pretty sure we didn't say anything either. There was something hard in my mouth all of a sudden, and then I felt this pressure on the back of my head, and then I think his hands were under my skirt, and then I…"

"Did he penetrate you, Ms. Levy? This is very important now."

Tears pricked her eyes and burned her throat again, but she shoved that away. "I think so. It hurt. I remember it hurting. It hurt really bad."

"But do you remember him penetrating you though? Do you know how he penetrated you and where?"

She huffed a little in frustration. "What do you mean how? Or where?"

And as Allie took in the sight of this stoic police officer sitting across from her, with his half-filled notepad, and his solemn eyes, she saw exactly what he saw.

She was just a stupid sorority girl who'd shown up to a frat party dressed like a slut, had too much to drink, had gotten into a fight with her boyfriend, and then had gotten herself into a situation she'd regretted in the morning. Not to mention the fact that she was obviously sober enough, right before the penetration no less, to make a phone call. Even though she hadn't even known where she was at that point - hadn't even known if she was inside or outside. But that didn't matter because she'd been able to make a call, right? Why bother asking if she'd wanted to go upstairs or if she'd wanted that thing in her mouth in the first place? To this police officer, she was just a college girl who'd made a bad mistake after a night of drinking way too much for someone her height and weight, and now here she was, trying to get someone else in trouble for her mistake.

Then she just shook her head and held out a hand to stop this. "You know what? Let's just forget about this. I can tell you don't believe me and -"

Officer Harding sighed heavily and rubbed a hand across his face. "It's not that I don't believe you, Ms. Levy. That has nothing to do with it. You just have to understand - these kinds of cases are very difficult to prove, especially when there's alcohol involved and especially when you were already intimately involved with -"

"What does that matter?" Allie shot back. "Just because he was my boyfriend doesn't mean that…you know what? I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'd like to leave now, please."

Officer Harding sighed one more time and held out one of his cards for her to take. She grabbed it out of his hand, hurrying to get out of her seat, and to the exit. Meg fell into step behind her, and they didn't say much as Meg drove her back to the Kappa house. What was there to say? She'd made a mistake going to the cops. That wasn't Meg's fault either - she'd just been doing what she thought was right, but Allie saw now that they were never really going to believe her, never really going to do anything about it.

And when they got back to the Kappa house, Allie was hit with yet another hard reality. Tyler was standing in their kitchen, murmuring into Kara's ear, and they were laughing, and joking about something that made her want to chuck the toaster at their heads.

"Hi, Allie," Kara waved to her in that syrupy-sweet voice. "Tyler was just bringing your purse and your phone by. Apparently, you left all that in his room last night, you little ho you."

Allie froze right in the middle of the kitchen, her eyes flicking right to her ex-boyfriend, who was watching her with a dark smile playing on his lips.

"Did you really dump your drink on Hayden Carter's head last night too?" Kara giggled, prompting Tyler to lift his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Man, you really had a night last night, didn't you?"

"Get bent, Kara," Meg sneered at her before slicing her gaze to Tyler. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Just being a good guy," Tyler shrugged, smiling in a way that made Allie's blood boil. "Didn't want Allie to have to get a new phone or anything."

"How thoughtful of you," Meg shot back, and then waved him away. "Go on now. You did what you came here to do. Get out of here."

Allie's eyes fixed on her ex-boyfriend as he advanced on her, making her take a subtle step back, and then he put her phone and her purse in her hands.

"There," he told her with a grin. "Happy now?"

"No," Allie murmured. "I'm not. I never wanna see you again."

Tyler put a hand over his heart and jutted out his bottom lip in a fake pout. "Aw. That hurts my feelings, Allie. It's a good thing I ended this bullshit between us last night when you were acting like such a drunk bitch, not to mention a drunk slut too."

Allie's lips parted in shock, her eyes flying to Kara, who was giggling back at her with a wide grin.

"That's not what happened, Ty, and you know it."

Tyler just lifted a shoulder. "Whatever you say. We both know who was wasted last night, and who wasn't. Besides, I got plenty of people in that house last night who can back me up that you were the one acting like a drunk idiot, not me."

"Go right ahead," Allie shot back. "I don't care. Just leave me the hell alone."

He held up both hands as he sidestepped around her, stopping long enough to murmur in her ear, "No problem, babe. Now that I've had you, I don't really want seconds. I can't say it was all that much fun, you know what I mean?"

"Fuck you," she muttered under her breath, pushing past him to head for the stairs.

"Been there, done that," he called back to her.

She just flipped him off on her way to her room, not caring anymore if he was still in the house. At this point, she just wanted to take a shower and sleep for the next week or two. Maybe then, all this would be over and she could just get back to living her life, and focus on school.

By the time she got back to her room, there were five missed calls from Opie, and three text messages asking her to call him as soon as she could to let him know she was alright. She fired off a quick text message, telling him she'd left her phone behind the night before, and was just seeing his messages now. He immediately responded, thankful she was okay and that he'd call her later.

Right, she thought, later. This would all be over later. She just needed to close her eyes and forget about it.


But in the weeks that passed, closing her eyes and forgetting about it was easier said than done. Tyler had taken it upon himself to make sure every single person in his frat, and in the Kappa house, knew who'd broken up with who - even if she knew the truth - and that Allie was the worst lay he'd ever had in his life. Anything she said couldn't be taken at face value, he'd reasoned, because she'd been drunk off her ass that night, and had been basically begging for it.

And since every single person in the Sigma and Kappa houses thought they knew the real story, that story got passed around campus like it was on fire.

So wherever she went, there it was. Someone whispering about her behind her back. Someone, or sometimes multiple someones, snickering at her for being such a stupid slut - just like good ol' mom and dad. What did Allie really know about what had happened that night anyway? She was too drunk, too belligerent, to even know which way was up. Of course she didn't remember it right. Of course she was just trying to save face on campus. Of course Tyler was the man, having bagged the porn star's stuck-up, drunk daughter and then dumped her the next morning after he got what he wanted.

And then there was the issue that, everywhere she went, there he was. Allie just couldn't get away from him. Every time she turned around, he was there. Smirking at her. Laughing at her. High-fiving his frat and his football buddies when she walked by. Daring her to try to do something about it.

And, finally, it just got to be too much. Every time she left the house, she wanted to cry. Or run and hide. She started skipping classes, especially the ones she was positive would put her right in his path. She started meeting with her professors during their office hours, when she knew Tyler was in class so she wouldn't run into him, or just emailing them for her assignments, and turning things in electronically.

There was no way she'd get anything less than a 4.0 this semester. And the semester after that. And then the one after that. Tyler could take his smear campaign and shove it right up his ass.

"You know," Meg had told her. "You can go to the school too. I know it's not the same as talking to the cops, but at least there are things the school can do to try to get him to stop this shit. I mean, if you didn't have to see him on campus, if you could at least get a no-contact order or something like that…wouldn't that at least be a little better than how it is now?"

She'd needed to think about it for a little while, but in the end, she just couldn't take the abuse any longer.

Yeah, it really would be better if there was something at least the school could do to make this stop. To make him stop showing up everywhere she was. To make him stop spreading all these lies about her just to cover his own ass and his own reputation. If there was something else she could do, something the school could do, then she wanted to at least try. It was better than just doing nothing, and if the cops weren't going to do anything, maybe some kind of punishment from the school would be enough. And while she didn't want to completely blow up his life - that was complicated and sticky and she hated it, but it was true - something needed to happen to him. There had to be some kind of consequence for what he'd done to her and had been doing ever since.

And so now, she found herself sitting in the Title IX Coordinator's office on campus, telling her the same story she'd told Officer Harding. At least this time, she could see that her odds of actually being believed were slightly better. The school had its own process for dealing with these kinds of things, the coordinator told her, and it was separate from the police because the school also had the benefit of being its own governing body, for the most part. This wasn't a criminal matter for the school, she'd said, it was a campus matter, as the frat house was on campus and under campus rules, and so the school was within its right to investigate any potential policy violations.

The school's Title IX policy prohibited sexual misconduct on campus and gave the school the right to investigate any violations, as well as potential danger to others on campus. After careful review of her student handbook, she learned the school's policy was very clear on what was considered consent and what wasn't, specifically the notion that, while it could be given nonverbally, silence and impassivity was not consent, and that an individual could not consent to sexual intercourse if they were incapacitated.

Being drunk and being incapacitated, she'd learned through her research, were two very different beasts. A person could be drunk, and still technically consent. Maybe their faculties and their judgment were altered, but a drunk person would still be coherent enough for some types of basic decision-making, whether or not those were actually good decisions, like whether to have that next drink, or whether to get in a car and drive home.

Someone who was incapacitated, however, was not in a state where even the most basic decision-making processes could happen. A drunk person, while inebriated, would still have an idea of where they were, what time it was, if they were inside or outside, and have a general idea of who, or what, was around them. An incapacitated person wouldn't have the ability to do pretty much any of those things, and because of that, was in no position to consent to anything, let alone sex.

She'd been incapacitated that night. That much was clear to her. And Tyler had taken advantage of the situation and had taken what he'd wanted from her without caring whether she wanted it or not.

"You don't have to move forward with a formal complaint if you don't want to," the coordinator informed her. "It's completely your choice. An informal complaint will be considered an anonymous report; if you choose to file a formal complaint against Mr. Chadwick, then the school will start an official investigation into the incident."

"Okay," Allie replied shakily. "But what does that mean though? I mean, will I get in trouble if the school does an investigation and doesn't believe me?"

The coordinator tilted her head to the side, her face twisting sadly. "No, Allie. You won't get in any trouble for opening an investigation. We have an independent investigator who will conduct interviews - she'll start with you, and then she'll speak to Mr. Chadwick. Based on your interviews, she'll determine who else on campus might have useful information about the incident and everything that followed, and then she'll speak to them, if they're willing to cooperate. And just so you know, anyone our investigator interviews will get alcohol amnesty - so no one is going to get in trouble for being at that party either, okay? You can give the investigator as many names of people who might've seen something as you can, and know that you're not getting them in any trouble. After that, the investigator will write a report detailing her interviews and will prepare evidence and analysis on whether she believes Mr. Chadwick violated our school's policy. If he's found in violation, the report will go to our review board, who'll decide what to do from there. Until this process is complete, Allie, it's very important that you keep your distance from Mr. Chadwick, and that he does the same for you."

Within days, the investigator emailed her to set up an interview, and then she went, with Meg dutifully sitting next to her through the whole thing. While the investigator asked a lot of the same questions as Officer Harding initially had, like how much she weighed, how much she'd drank, and what she'd had to eat before she started drinking, she phrased them a little differently, and with slightly different context.

It was almost like she didn't automatically assume that Allie didn't really know what she was talking about, and that Allie might actually be telling the truth. She never asked Allie how she was dressed because that wasn't important. She never asked Allie if she thought something had been in her mouth. She'd just accepted it as a fact because Allie said that was what she remembered.

And she actually asked questions like:

"Did he ask you if you wanted to go upstairs with him?"

"Did he ask you if he could remove your underwear or touch you underneath your skirt?"

"Did he ask for your consent to put his penis in your mouth?"

"Did he ask for your consent to penetrate you vaginally with his penis?"

The answer to all those questions, of course, was no. Even if he had asked, she hadn't been physically able to respond.

And two days after her interview with that investigator, Tyler appeared in the doorway of her suite at the Kappa house.

Allie reared back, her heart thundering in her chest, and she stumbled backward, frantically looking for her phone to call someone for help.

"You're not supposed to be here," Allie stammered. "You're not supposed to have any contact with me right now."

"No shit," Tyler drawled, rocking back on his heels a little as he appraised her with dark eyes. "You wanna know what I just did? I just had to sit through an interview with a fucking investigator from the school. Apparently, you can't just drop this shit and you just had to make a big fucking deal about this, didn't you? But you know what? Don't worry - I told that investigator the truth. I told her you got sloppy drunk and that we had even sloppier sex that you asked for. I told her that no one but your bitch of a roommate believes you and everyone in your whole house thinks you're lying. You wanna know why? Because it's the truth. It's the fucking truth, Allie. You just need to get that through your head. You're not gonna win here. I've got every single brother in my frat willing to back me up, and I've got every single sister in your sorority - except for that bitch - willing to do the same. Who do you think the school is going to believe, Allie? Hmm? It's your word against everyone else's."

"I don't care," Allie told him calmly, gripping her phone for dear life. "You wanna know why? Because I know what happened in that room. I know that you had sex with me even though I didn't want to, and after I told you to leave me alone. And you wanna know something else? Just because I didn't say no doesn't fucking mean I was saying yes. I was too drunk to say anything, let alone yes or no. And from the little I do remember, I don't think I was even conscious for half of it, or any of it. I had to ask you if we'd had sex because I honestly wasn't sure when I woke up the next morning. You had to carry me up the stairs. You held me down, Ty. I remember that. You held me down. And you know what that means? That means no. That fucking means no. How could I be in any state of mind to have sex like that? I tried to break up with you so many times that night - why the fuck would I want to have sex with you after that?"

Tyler's lips curled back into a snarl and he took a menacing step forward to shove her back against her dresser, pinning her body in place. "You listen to me, you fucking bitch. You think you've got any leverage here? You must be high as a kite if you think you're gonna come out on top. No one believes you, so guess what? It really doesn't matter what happened in that room, does it? Because no one will ever believe a porn star's drunk slut of a daughter over someone like me - I've got the whole world at my feet, Allie. Don't make me bring it down around you because I will. I fucking will if I have to."

She shrugged out of his grip and shoved him in the chest to put some space between them. "I don't care what you think you can do to me. I'm not scared of you."

That was a lie. She was terrified of him. She just wasn't about to let him see it.

"We both know what you did," Allie pressed on, pushing away the panic gripping her throat when he just advanced on her again. "You had sex with me when I was too drunk to consent. You wanna know what makes you? That makes you a fucking rapist."

Tyler barked out a harsh laugh, gripping her shoulders to shove her back against the dresser again. "Bullshit I raped you. It's not rape if you're fucking your girlfriend, and it's definitely not rape if your girlfriend is begging for it."

"You know that's not true."

"So what?" Tyler laughed. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"I'm not gonna do anything," Allie murmured lowly. "But my brother might. Don't make me give him a call and tell him what you did because I will. I fucking will if I have to. And if I do, you know he's not gonna ride down here alone. He'll bring the whole club with him. Is that what you want?"

Tyler stilled at that, his hands dropping away from her shoulders as he stumbled away from her. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, keeping his eyes on the ground, her threat obviously having the desired effect.

"Just leave me alone, Tyler, and I won't call him. I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. I just want you to leave me the hell alone. But if you don't listen to me, I will call him."

He gave her one last shove into the dresser, his lips curled up into that ugly snarl, and then he stalked out of her room.


Dear Ms. Levy,

Please consider receipt of this email as your acknowledgement of the university's findings on the Title IX matter of Levy vs. Chadwick. Upon analysis of the interviews of all parties involved, our independent investigator has ruled that Mr. Chadwick was in violation of USC's Title IX policy, which states that consent to sexual intercourse cannot be given freely if an individual is incapacitated, and therefore, physically unable to consent.

Our Title IX board has reviewed the investigator's report and all supplemental materials provided to the board, including copies of interviews and your formal complaint, and has ruled to instate a no-contact order for the reminder of the school year, as Mr. Chadwick has not been deemed a threat to others on campus. Mr. Chadwick has been instructed to stay at least 100 yards away from you on campus at all times, when physically possible, and should he enter within that 100 yard vicinity, he has been instructed that he must leave your vicinity and go elsewhere on campus.

There are certain campus activities where this no-contact may not be physically feasible, such as certain athletic or academic events where seating is limited. However, should you believe Mr. Chadwick is violating this no-contact order, please contact the university immediately. Any questions or appeals to this ruling from either party must be received in writing within the next five business days.

Sincerely,

Chandra Levenstein, Title IX Coordinator

Allie reread the email, and then reread it again, just to make sure she was actually understanding what had just happened here. So the investigator had believed her. That small victory was completely negated by everything else that followed.

The school didn't think he was a threat to anyone else on campus? His only punishment was that he had to stay away from her? Something she'd already managed to do herself by threatening to involve Opie and the rest of the club if she had to? There was barely a month left of the semester anyway.

How was that fucking justice? How was that fucking fair?

The more time she'd had to sit with it, the angrier she got. When she'd first started this process, she thought something like a no-contact order would be enough as long as he got some kind of punishment. But now that she'd really had time and space to think about everything he'd done to her…this wasn't enough.

All he'd gotten was a slap on the wrist. Nothing that would go on his permanent record. Nothing that would have any real impact on the rest of his life whatsoever. Nothing that would really matter in the grand scheme of things on campus or in life.

This was complete bullshit.

And of course, less than three days later, she got notice that Tyler appealed the ruling.

Of course he'd appealed. Why wouldn't he do everything he could to try to run with the story that he was the abused party that had been taken advantage of here? That she was just a bitter, drunk bitch who'd been pissed that he broke up with her right after banging her, and so now she was going around campus, running her mouth and crying to the university to try to save face and get some revenge.

But that was what vengeful bitches did, right? They made up a story and tried to take it as far as they could.

At least, that was what Tyler was telling everyone. And apparently, everyone believed him too. No one on campus, save for that investigator, seemed to really believe her.

Even Meg had asked her the day before, "Allie, don't take this the wrong way, but are you really sure it happened the way you said it did? I mean, I saw how drunk you were that night. Isn't it possible that you're just not remembering things right? That maybe all of this just got blown out of proportion?"

And now, she found herself sitting in a bullshit code of conduct hearing with all her so-called Kappa sisters staring back at her like she was some kind of leper.

"As you know," Kara informed the group sweetly, her eyes narrowing in on Allie like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. "I've called this code of conduct hearing against our sister, Allie Levy, who stands accused of slander against our Sigma brother, Tyler Chadwick."

"I stand accused?" Allie laughed dryly. "I was under the impression this was a legit chapter meeting, not a witch trial."

"Well," Kara huffed, and then a wicked smile spread across her face. "Regardless, what do you have to say for yourself, Allie? Kappa code of conduct is clear that the kind of slander you're accused of - the far-reaching, reputation-ruining, life-altering kind - is grounds for expulsion. Every single member of this chapter has heard what you've been saying about Tyler. We all know that you made up those ridiculous allegations against him, that you made the school investigate it and waste everyone's time - I mean, it's clear, at least to me, that that investigator already had her mind made up and just didn't listen to what Tyler was telling her. The fact that she believed you - after all of us told her what we'd heard and what we believed…the fact that she still believed you just tells me that was a bullshit investigation to begin with, and he didn't have a shot at getting any fair treatment from the school about this. They're lucky he's not trying to sue them right now. He almost lost his spot on the football team next year!"

"Aw," Allie cooed. "That must have been really hard for him."

"I don't see why you're still being this way."

Allie cocked her head to the side. "Aren't you sleeping with him now?"

Kara's lips parted, but she just held her head high. "I'm pretty sure that's none of your business."

"And I'm supposed to believe you're not the biased one here? Obviously, you've got reason to take him at his word - which means nothing, by the way - and you obviously have reason to have a vendetta against me and get me kicked out. Why would you want your new boy toy's ex-girlfriend around anyway? All I'm gonna do around here is spread lies about your precious Tyler and sully your awesome new relationship. Which, I hope to God you never wake up in bed next to him after a night of getting black-out drunk with your skirt pushed up around your hips and your underwear suspiciously missing. Because no one will believe you when you try to tell them the truth."

Kara just plastered a fake smile on her face, tilting her head to the side with dangerously narrowed blue eyes. "Thank you, Allie. I appreciate your concern. Now, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Allie's eyebrows lifted, and she found herself looking around at every girl in the room, every girl who just couldn't make eye contact with her.

"What do I have to say for myself?" Allie leaned back in her chair, readying herself to unleash. "I think this meeting is bullshit. This code of conduct is bullshit. This fucking sorority is bullshit. You're all bullshit. You all had your minds made up about this before any of you sat down in these chairs. I don't know why we're even bothering, except so that when you file my expulsion papers with the national chapter, you can check the box that says you held a hearing, right? That you gave me due process and let me defend myself, right?"

Kara's mouth opened to respond, but Allie wasn't willing to give her another second of the floor.

"And just so you know, Kara, there's a special place in hell reserved for people like you. And I hope you get your perfect life with your perfect husband in your perfect house with your perfect 2.1 kids. I really hope all this was worth it for you. Because this is the definition of narcissist, psychopathic, predatory, rapist behavior - and you're more than welcome to him."

That smug smile on Kara's face slipped just a touch, but it was enough to spur her on.

"And as for the rest of this bullshit, good fucking riddance to every single one of you. So much for sisterhood, right? Thanks for having my back and being on my side. I really appreciated it."

Allie waited, looking around and waiting, but no one would make eye contact with her. "Well?" she threw her arms up in the air. "What are you waiting for? Just do it already."

"Does anyone have anything else to say before we vote?" Kara sneered. She looked around, scanning the room, and finally led the vote, which, of course, resulted in every single of her so-called sisters, even Meg, voting to expel her from the sorority.

Not like she was surprised.

And it wasn't until she went back up to her suite to start packing that the tears finally started to fall.


Allie rolled over in the bed, rubbing her eyes tiredly but sleep just wouldn't come. She wanted to sleep, she really did. It definitely didn't help that this hotel bed was lumpy and smelled a little funny, but she only had to wait one more night.

This was her last night anywhere near campus. The last night of the semester. She had one more final to take tomorrow and then she could leave. Her transfer to UCLA next year was already a done deal - the ink was dried, and she had a few apartment showings lined up for tomorrow afternoon that looked like they'd be nice and safe and away from people and away from campus.

Since she'd been unceremoniously kicked out of the Kappa house, she'd taken up residence at a hotel within a somewhat decent walking distance from campus, since she didn't have a car here and since pretty much anyone she might've asked for help on campus now refused to even so much as make eye contact with her. It was taking a pretty good chunk out of her savings, but she was too proud to ask her dad for help. Besides, he'd ask questions, and she wasn't about to answer them.

By the time everything was said and done, there'd only been three weeks left of the semester anyway. Which just made this whole thing sting that much more.

What was the point of even bothering with a no-contact order when there was just three weeks left of the semester? Especially when it seemed pretty clear to her that the no-contact order would expire with the new school year?

Her threat, as it turned out, had been plenty to keep him away from her, and she hadn't had to call Opie to rain down the whole world of hurt they both knew he, and the club, would bring. But that hadn't stopped the whispers. It hadn't stopped the laughter and the snickering behind her back when people thought she couldn't hear. Or maybe they did know she could hear, when she was standing in line for her coffee at the union's coffee shop, or studying for finals in the library, or grabbing a to-go sandwich on her way to her next class. They still whispered about her - the lying, psycho, porn star's daughter.

"Apparently she tried to get Tyler kicked off the football team."

"Tyler said she was the worst lay he's ever had…no wonder she went all stage-five clinger on him and turned into a crazy bitch."

"She's probably just pissed he didn't film it and put it online for an easy payday."

It didn't get any easier either. Every day she had to be on campus, it weighed on her, pulling her down like an anvil around her neck. Every whisper, every laugh, every snicker, every rumor, it never got any easier.

She rolled over again when her phone buzzed on the table next to the bed, and she swooped it up, smiling a little at the caller ID.

"Hey, Ope," she answered softly.

"Hey, Al!" Opie yelled through the phone, trying to make sure she could hear him above the noise coming through the other side. "Sorry if it's hard to hear me. Things are pretty crazy here tonight."

"Yeah, I can hear that," she laughed. "What's up, Ope? How's Donna doing?"

"Donna's good - she's good. I'm just checkin' in on ya, Al. Tomorrow's your last final, right?"

"Yep. The last one and then I'm outta here."

There was a pause on the other end, and then she heard his voice again. "When are you gonna be home next?"

"I'm not sure. I need some time to get settled and -"

Some muffled noises created some static in the background, and then there was another muffled shout, and finally, that achingly familiar voice was in her ear.

"Who the fuck is this?"

Her lips were curling into a smile before she could stop herself. "Hello, Jax."

"Aw, shit, darlin', I just knew it was you."

"That's nice."

His chuckle warmed her, and she just leaned into it for now, closing her eyes and letting the sound of his voice envelop her. "And what are you up to on this fine evening?"

"I was trying to get some sleep. My last final is tomorrow morning."

"Oh shit! My drunk ass is probably keepin' you up, huh?"

"Something like that, yeah," she smiled into the phone.

"Hey, Ope said you weren't comin' home for the summer. That true, darlin'?"

Allie sighed heavily, pushing her head back against her pillow in defeat. "I need to work and save up some money, and it just makes more sense to do that in LA since I'm gonna have an apartment there soon anyway."

And because after the last few weeks, the last place she wanted to be was home.

"Well, if ya need the money, I'm sure my mom could find somethin' for you to do at the shop. All you gotta do is ask," his words were pretty slurred again, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of that anyway.

"Working with Gemma all summer sounds terrifying. No offense."

Jax barked out a laugh. "You know what? I think you're right. Offer rescinded, darlin'. I guess you're on your own this summer."

Yeah. She really was on her own this summer. And every summer after that. And every semester after that too. And that was okay. She was better off that way anyway.

Besides, she really did need to work. In transferring, she was also forfeiting her scholarship at USC, but that was fine. It was a small price to pay if it meant she never had to step foot on that campus or see anyone at that school ever again. She could handle the student loans, and the debt, if it meant she could get as far as from all that as possible.

"So, you looking for options three and four already tonight? I know you already had one and two."

Jax huffed out a laugh, and she could practically see him shaking his head and could picture that sexy smirk spreading across his devastatingly handsome face. "Well, I don't see how that's any of your business, but seein' as how ya asked so nicely…I haven't gotten around to that yet tonight. You know it's only a matter of time before some T and A comes my way."

"Gross."

His light chuckle bounced off the phone, and she found herself swallowing back the burning in her throat.

"Hey, darlin', you okay? You sound kinda sad tonight."

Now tears pricked her eyes and she squeezed them shut, willing the tears away. There was no way she was going to cry on the phone with him, and definitely not while he was clearly drunk and would obviously have no memory of this in the morning. And now, she knew more than anything, that this needed to be the last time. If he ever grabbed the phone away from Opie again, she needed to just start hanging up on him and not let this go any further. Whose entertainment was this really for anyway? Just an interlude in between hook-ups for him? Something to pass the time while he worked on his next beer? He'd never cared about her before. Why would he start now?

It was time to grow up, and just focus on work and school and then getting into law school, and shove all the other noise away.

"Hey, Jax?"

"Yeah?"

There was something in his voice she couldn't quite place, but she chose to just ignore it. "I really need to try to get some sleep. I have to be up really early tomorrow morning for my final, and then I have to head to LA."

"Alright, darlin'. Sorry to bother you. You have a good night."

With that, the call abruptly ended, and Allie found herself pulling her phone away to stare at her screen, her chest burning at the abrupt kiss-off. She'd kinda done that to him, but she hadn't expected him to basically hang up on her. The fact that she hadn't gotten the chance to be the first one to do that stung. Just another slap in the face to add to the list of all the other hard slaps of reality she'd gotten in the last few months.

Better to just shove that away, put it in a box, and put that box up on the highest shelf of her mind, along with everything else.

Just as another round of tears crashed against her, a knock sounded from the door on the other end of her room. For a moment, panic gripped her throat. It was almost 11:00 at night, and someone was knocking on her door? This wasn't exactly a five-star hotel - it wasn't the worst hotel in the area, but it definitely wasn't the nicest either. What was she supposed to do now?

She rolled over, staring at the door and trying to decide what she should do, and then she noticed that someone had shoved something under her door. Before she could stop herself, she slid out of bed and shuffled over to the door, bending down to pick up the envelope, and slipped her finger underneath the lip to open it.

Her fingers pulled out a simple polaroid picture out of the envelope, and her entire body stilled. Her blood ran cold in her veins, but her chest felt like it was on fire.

The scene in the photo was painfully familiar. She recognized that blue comforter and those blue pillows - she was pretty sure she'd know them anywhere and would never forget them as long as she lived. But it was the girl in the photo that she couldn't look away from. Familiar shoulder-length dark hair, even though it was strewn all over the pillow. Familiar grey pencil skirt that was pushed up around her hips, exposing the parts of her that only an intimate partner should ever be allowed to see, should the girl choose to let her partner see them. Familiar white button-up, exposing a lacy black bra that didn't do much for the little cleavage she had, but it was enough to see that smiley face drawn in magic marker right above where that small amount of cleavage started.

That girl was her.

Passed out in his bed. Head turned to the side, but exposing enough of her face for anyone to see that it really was her. She flipped the polaroid over, and felt her blood boil when she saw the two words scribbled on the back:

See ya.

And in that moment, something snapped. There was no going back now as she ripped through her bags for her laptop. No stopping it as she snapped a photo of the polaroid on her phone and emailed the picture to herself.

This could not go unanswered. This could not be allowed to stand. He could not be allowed to get away with this. She'd have the last word, and everyone would fucking hear her. Everyone would know that she'd been right, all along, and all they'd had to do was listen to her.

They deserved this for refusing to see what was right in front of them.

The school deserved this for failing her so miserably.

He deserved this for blowing up her life and just walking away.

If tomorrow was her last day on campus, she was gonna burn the motherfucking place to the ground.

She pulled up an email on her laptop, addressing it to the dean of students at USC, and started typing…

Dear Dean Sanderson,

On March 13, I attended a corporate suits and hoes party at the Sigma house on campus. There, I was illegally served alcohol, which consisted of a mixture of vodka, gin, whiskey, fruit punch, and orange soda. There were also various liquor bottles and beer kegs available for consumption in the kitchen. Later that night, I was raped by another student, Tyler Chadwick. He carried me up the stairs at Sigma house, took me into his room, forcibly put his penis in my mouth, and then penetrated my vagina with his penis before I lost consciousness. I did not consent. I did not give him permission to violate my body and my trust. And I did not lie when I went to the cops the next day, or when I reported the incident to the Title IX Coordinator two weeks later.

This university failed to recognize that Tyler Chadwick is in fact a danger on campus in its ruling in my Title IX case against him. He is a predator and a psychopath and a rapist, and every single female on campus is in danger every single second that he's allowed to be present on this campus. He was able to convince all of the Kappa and Sigma houses that I was the liar, and that I was making it up just because I'd gotten drunk. Like that was somehow an open invitation to rape me. Like what I was wearing, how much I'd drank, or how I was acting was the excuse he needed to justify his own criminal behavior. Like, because I'd gotten drunk and needed help walking up the stairs, I somehow deserved to get raped. Like I'd somehow reaped what I'd sowed.

Female students should be able to attend parties on this campus, have fun, get drunk, and not get raped. This is not a concern many, if any, male students share with the female population on campus. Your Title IX policy is sound and fair, but the way this university upholds it is not.

As you'll see on my transcript, I'm transferring at the end of this current semester. Tonight is my last night as a USC student, and Tyler Chadwick put the attached photo underneath my door about five minutes ago. The girl in that photo is me. I'm not sure if that was taken before or after he raped me, but it was taken that night, in his bed. The evidence could not be clearer. He is guilty, and he knows exactly what he's done to me.

I trust you'll know what to do with this evidence. You should know that I plan to send a copy of this email, along with a copy of the attached photo, to every media outlet in the state, however, if you don't take the proper measures to deal with the danger you've allowed to remain on your campus.

Thank you for your time,

Alexandra Levy


Present Day

Allie dragged her eyes away from the carpet, finally letting herself glance at Jax, who'd sat rooted to the bed next to her during her entire story. The hand on her back had never faltered, and if anything, it had just moved up and down at various points, soothing her, comforting her, and then, at other points, when what she had to say was harder to hear, his fingers curled into the small of her back, pressing harder and more deeply like that was the only thing keeping him on this bed, and not sprinting into the parking lot.

And maybe it was.

But he'd never faltered. Not even once.

Now, he rubbed his mouth with his free hand, scrubbing those ringed fingers against his lips with trembling movements.

"I sent a version of that email to his frat's president on campus, and to Sigma's state and national chapters. I also sent it to the firm where he was supposed to intern that summer. And then I made copies of that email, with the picture on the bottom, and put them up around the school before I went to my last final the next day."

She laughed a little at the memory, and she noticed the sound sent Opie's tear-filled eyes slicing up from the spot they'd been fixed on in the carpet.

"Ironically enough, those emails had the desired effect - I heard he got kicked out of his frat and lost his internship that summer, and eventually had to transfer after the following semester, but the dean at USC sent me another email saying I was not welcome back on campus because of what I'd done. Apparently, you can't put up posters around the school calling a student a rapist, even if they are a rapist, because that was considered retaliation for a Title IX ruling. And you certainly can't put up posters around the school with a graphic picture on it, even if you're the one in the picture and even if it was taken without your consent, because that was considered distribution of lewd material on campus. Not like it mattered much, but I guess it was more a formality than anything. Anyway, I took my last final, packed up my hotel room, and then I hopped on a bus to LA later that day. So, that's it. That's the story."

Jax swallowed hard, his face slipping into an impassive mask and his eyes fixed onto the carpet in front of him. When he finally dragged his gaze away, his navy blue eyes softened and his shoulders sagged a little when their eyes connected. The warm hand on her back slid up to her shoulder, drawing her in, and wrapping around her to pull her against his chest. His lips found her hair as his strong arms enveloped her in their warmth and their protection.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he murmured in her hair. "I'm so fucking sorry."

What more could he really say? Nothing he could say or do would ever change what had happened, or how it had irrevocably changed the course of her life, or the way she'd been living it up until recently.

Jax seemed to pull her in even deeper, refusing to let up and let go, as he buried his face in her neck. Then, he abruptly pulled his face away so he could cup both hands around her face. His eyes were swimming with grief, his face twisted with devastation, and his jaw was set in a firm, hard line.

"Thank you for telling me," he whispered to her, and then his eyes flicked to Opie for just a second, before turning back to her. "For telling us."

Allie nodded into his hands. She was too emotionally drained to cry right now, but she could feel the tears on their way, ready to break through the surface when she finally had a moment alone to process what just happened and what she'd just said out loud.

"What's gonna happen now, Jax?"

His lips lifted at the corners as he brushed his thumb across her cheek. "I'm gonna get you home. I want a prospect to drive you - I don't want you drivin' yourself right now. I'll figure out how to get your car home to you. Don't worry about that, baby. And then…" he pushed out a rough sigh, his eyes lifting to Opie one more time before rumbling, "I gotta take this to the table. I know this is somethin' we wouldn't normally tell the club, at least not at the table, but this is different."

Of course it was different. Tyler - or Harrison, or whoever he was calling himself these days - had also somehow gotten himself hired by the club to work as their private investigator to find their late president's murderer. This actually was club business too, because she knew better than anyone that any information he'd given the club, and that they'd given him money for, now needed to be scrutinized and analyzed within an inch of Tyler's life for the truth. Nothing he'd ever told them could be trusted now, and the club did need to know why so they really understood what they were dealing with.

And while she died a little on the inside at the thought of Jax sitting down with the rest of the club and repeating what she'd just said, even if it was just the cliff notes version, there was just no getting around it. The club really did need to know, and she knew they would do something about it. She just couldn't let herself really think about what that might be just yet.

"I understand, Jax. I really do. It's okay."

Jax's lips lifted again, but his smile didn't reach those navy blue eyes. Then he leaned forward to press a light kiss onto her mouth. "Thank you, Allie."

His hands dropped to her lap, lifting both her hands to his mouth so he could brush his lips against her knuckles. Then he rose to his feet from the bed, pulling her along with him, and wrapping both arms around her again. He only let up when Opie moved next to them and abruptly pulled her out of Jax's arms, so he could envelop her in a big bear hug, pressing her against his chest and kissing the top of her head.

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here," Opie murmured into her hair. "I don't wanna say the wrong thing, Al."

"It's okay, Ope."

"But you did everything right, okay?" Opie dipped down a little so he could look her in the eye as he spoke. "You didn't do anything wrong. Not a thing."

She nodded, smiling through the burning in her throat as Opie stepped back and as Jax wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him and moving his lips back to her hair again.

"Come on, baby. Let's get you home."

She let him lead her back out into the same hallway they'd just come down before, although she had no idea how much time had passed since they'd walked down to his dorm. It could've been hours for all she knew, and now, as they moved out onto the clubhouse's main floor, with Jax's arm wrapped around her waist, and Opie right on their heels, they found every other club member - including the ones who'd been out on that run - standing around the bar, and waiting with bated breath.

All eyes were on them as Jax led her toward the double doors. Some of them were watching with sympathetic eyes. Others looked confused. A few of them looked angry, although not necessarily angry at her, and there were one or two that seemed a little indifferent too, like they just weren't quite sure what to make of it all.

But none of that really mattered because Jax turned his head as he passed the bar, and growled, "Everyone in the chapel. Now."

Opie stayed behind to help corral the rest of the club inside the chapel for church, and Jax pushed through the double doors, holding the door open for her to pass through first, keeping one hand firmly on the small of her back. It was almost as if he couldn't let himself disconnect from her completely, like some part of him just needed to be touching her. And that was okay, because she needed his touch more than anything right now too.

A prospect jogged after them, probably sent out to the parking lot by Opie, and Jax whipped his head around to face him.

"Give us some fucking privacy, prospect," he barked. "I'll call you over when I'm ready for you."

The poor guy skidded right in his tracks, freezing in that spot in the parking lot where he'd probably stay until Jax called for him.

Jax silently led her over to one of T-M's white trucks and stopped her right in front of the passenger side door. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure that prospect really was giving them some privacy, and then when he turned back to face her, he hauled her against his chest, capturing her lips with his mouth. He kissed her hungrily, almost desperately, until he had to pull away, inhaling shakily and pinching the bridge of his nose to hide the tears in his eyes from her.

When he tore his eyes away from the pavement, they were swimming with tears and he squeezed his eyes shut again, shaking his head at himself.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm just so fucking sorry."

He pinched the bridge of his nose again, inhaling roughly through his nose, and then he pulled the passenger side door open for her with his free hand. His gaze shifted to the other side of the parking lot, and then he lifted a hand to signal to the prospect waiting for direction.

"Alright, prospect. Let's go."

Jax kept his hands on her waist to help her inside the truck, and leaned an arm against the door as his swimming eyes found her again. His lips lifted at the corners, and his head tilted to the side as he appraised her with soft eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers. "I really fucking love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back, feeling that burning back in her throat but she pushed it down again. She didn't want him to see her cry. He'd already had to see and hear enough for today. Maybe later, when they were at home, and when they could talk a little more, maybe she could cry then. But not yet.

His attention shifted back to the prospect, who was sliding into the driver's seat next to her and turned the key in the engine.

"Get my old lady home safe, a'ight?" Jax told him in a stern voice. "We'll be in church when you get back, but come find me as soon as we're out."

The prospect nodded earnestly. "Sure thing, prez."

Jax leaned inside the truck to give her a quick kiss, and when he pulled away, another soft smile played on his lips. "I'll get home to you as soon as I can."

"Okay, Jax."

He shot her one more smile before shutting the passenger side door and pounding the top of the truck with his fist, signaling to the prospect to get going. As the prospect wordlessly backed them out into the parking lot, Allie started to feel a little out of her body, like she'd somehow floated up to the top of the truck's ceiling, and was watching herself sit there stiffly and robotically. And then, as if it hit her all at once, cathartic tears began to slip down her cheeks.

Allie looked over her shoulder just once and found Jax standing in the middle of the parking lot, his lips already wrapped around a cigarette. He shoved one hand in his front pocket as he watched the truck drive away, and it was in that moment, when he thought they were too far away for her to really see, that his true emotions flickered across his handsome face.

The dangerous darkness she saw there probably should've scared her, but it didn't. There was something lethal simmering in his features too - something that looked just as violent as it was menacing. She'd seen malice and murder on his face before, but not quite like this.

This was a seething, quiet kind of menace.

A thoughtful and coiled kind of menace - the most dangerous kind.

And as he flicked some ash onto the pavement and brought the cigarette back to his lips that feral line ticking down his jaw didn't dissipate.


A/N - I should note here, just to make sure it's clear, that although I work with Title IX investigations as part of my "real-life job," nothing in this chapter was taken directly from a case I've worked on. It is, however, basically the kind of thing we see all the time, and is unfortunately very, very common on college campuses (kinda makes you never want to send your kids to college, right?). While there are certainly cases where there's more grey area in terms of consent, I purposely chose a scenario where it's clear that Allie did not, and could not, consent that night so there was no room for debate on that.

This was rough to write, as I'm sure it was to read, and this chapter (as well as the two that follow it) is also the reason I had to take a mental break from this story and start writing Witness Protection. The next chapter will rehash some of this in a way (just a warning for anyone who might be triggered) because Jax will have to take this information to the table, and it will also see him try to process his emotions about it too.

This chapter was in the works for so long, and it's also been so long since I've wrote it (I wrote this in October!), but I'm really proud of the work and the time that went into not just this chapter, but everything leading up to it as well. I hope this chapter also sheds new light on Allie and why she is the way she is, as well as explains the hints I've dropped over the last 28 chapters or so - if you've had questions about some of her personality ticks and behavior, I hope her story answers most of those questions for you, as it will for Jax.

I know this was a tough chapter for everything, but please let me know your thoughts! Your feedback is so appreciated, especially with a chapter like this. As always, thank you for reading and sticking with it!