Chapter 56: You Mustn't Worry

"Remus, Tonks," Molly greeted as they entered the Burrow.

Remus noticed Bill and Fleur, who were sitting across the table, exchange looks. Tonks had borrowed books from Bill when Remus had left her. They knew what he had done. Though, Remus was not sure if Tonks had told them about the baby.

Molly approached them. "Would you like to stay for dinner after the meeting?"

Remus pointedly put his hand between his wife's shoulder blades, hoping that Bill and Fleur were watching. "Dora?" he asked.

Tonks looked up at Remus in surprise, her mind clearly somewhere else. "Er, yeah, Molly, Thanks, that'd be great."

Remus leaned in intimately and whispered to her that they should take their seats, again for Bill and Fleur's benefit.

Tonks sat very close to Remus at the Order meeting. He noticed that she kept fidgeting beside him. Was she nervous to announce her pregnancy to their friends? Remus was definitely nervous to see the response, to see the disappointment, disapproval, and fear in everyone's eyes. They would try and hid it certainly, but how could they not have concerns about the safety of the baby and especially about the safety of Tonks.

Tonks's shaking leg rubbed up against Remus's thigh. She 'was' nervous. Remus had spent all his time obsessing over his fears; he had not taken the time to consider those of his wife. Remus knew that she did not like to let on when she was frightened and since this had all began, she had been careful to spare his feelings, but of course she must be nervous and scared. Remus was disgusted with himself that he did not consider her feelings before. Even excluding the potential lycanthropy risk, Tonks was still a young woman, pregnant for the first time in the middle of a war.

Remus took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

Tonks stilled and glanced at Remus.

His eyes found hers and asked silently if his touch was wanted.

She squeezed his hand back in reply.

The meeting began with a moment of silence for Mad-eye. So much had happened since Mad-eye's death, it seemed to have happened ages ago. When in reality, this was the first time they had all been together since it had taken place.

A chill seemed to spread across Tonks's body, and she leaned into her husband for warmth. Remus pressed his cheek to the top of her head and continued to hold her hand tightly.

Then unceremoniously, the meeting continued. It consisted of plans to keep muggles and muggle-borns safe, as well as discussing how best to get information from the Death Eaters. Snape had been their resource for inside information, though now who knew how much of that was reliable. Without him, the Order needed to consider how best to trail known Death Eaters to track their movements and discover their schemes to minimize the risk of fatalities.

To Remus, all the plans were very reactive and not proactive. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the only ones moving to put an end to Voldemort. Or at least that was what was presumed by the Order.

Remus wondered how much of the meeting Tonks actually heard. He should have asked her ahead of time, how she wanted to let the Order know she was pregnant. However, Remus had been reluctant to bring it up when they were in their flat together because they had been getting on so well, he did not want to spoil the moment in anyway.

When the meeting came to an end, Minerva McGonagall asked if there was anything that anyone would like to add. No one spoke. Tonks straightened in her chair with her lips parted slightly, but then she seemed to change her mind and stayed quiet.

Remus rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles and cleared his throat.

"Well then, that concludes the-"

"Actually," Remus said a little louder than he intended. "Actually," he lowered his voice, "Dora and I have some news." Remus glanced over at his wife. She looked surprised that he had spoken up, but she nodded.

Usually when newly married couples announce that they had some news, Tonks thought, it was obvious what was about to be said. However, not in this case. Everyone just looked at Remus blankly. For whom would have expected two rational people to have a baby now. Additionally, whom would have expected them to risk passing on Remus's condition. Tonks admitted to herself, if she had not accidently gotten pregnant then she never would have sought to have children with Remus, knowing the risk and knowing his feelings. No one even would have guessed that they would be having a baby, and that hit Tonks with an unexpected feeling of embarrassment and shame. For the first time, she had a taste of Remus's perspective.

"We need to take a step back from the Order," Remus continued, "because-" He seemed to be stealing himself to go on. "Because Dora is- we are going to have a baby."

His announcement was met with silence and stunned looks. Of course, it did not help that Remus said the words so gravely.

"This is a good thing," Tonks interjected angrily. "It's a good thing. You all don't have to look so bloody mournful."

"Of course, it's a good thing," Molly said, wiping the look of surprise off her face. She stood up and moved to hug Tonks.

Tonks stood and somewhat reluctantly allowed Molly to embrace her.

"I think everyone mustered up almost as much enthusiasm as you," Tonks said haughtily when they were back at her parents' house.

She had endured the hugs and the 'well dones' and the 'how wonderfuls' with an unconvincing sincerity which she felt matched everyone else's reaction. Now that they were away from the Order, Tonks couldn't seem to assemble anymore phony emotions.

Remus had not been expecting anything different. "They are just concerned because they care about you," he said in a small voice.

"If they cared, they would have actually been happy for us," Tonks returned bitterly.

Remus considered her. Had she actually expected a different reaction?

"They were all very kind," Remus said. "Considering-"

"Considering what, Remus?" Tonks shot at him.

"Nothing," he said quickly.

"They were all faking," she said roughly. "They are all bloody liars."

"Dora," Remus sighed.

"What's going on?"

Ted and Andromeda entered the room together, looks of concern on their faces. Ted's eyes bounced from his daughter to Remus.

"We told the Order about the baby," Remus explained.

"Ah," Ted said, understanding.

"Our baby doesn't deserve this!" Tonks said before storming from the room.

They all gave a little start as the bedroom door slammed.

Remus and Andromeda moved forward at the same time.

Ted caught his wife's arm. "Dromeda, let Remus go."

Andromeda scowled but nodded.

"Thank you," Remus said swiftly before going after his wife.

He knocked on the door once and then opened it a crack. "Dora," he said, peering in.

She was sitting on the bed, staring down at the floor, one hand resting on her belly. Tonks looked up at Remus.

"May I come sit with you?" he asked.

Tonks shrugged.

Knowing that this was the best he could hope for, Remus moved inside the room and shut the door behind him.

Tonks felt the mattress sink slightly as Remus sat down, but she did not turn her gaze towards him.

"I'm sorry that didn't go the way you had hoped," Remus breathed.

"I dunno what I was hoping for really," she muttered. "I should've known that it would be like that." Then she was quiet.

"What are you thinking?" Remus said after several drawn out moments.

Tonks finally met his eyes. "I'm thinking that someone besides me needs to be excited about this baby." Remus could see the whisper of tears glistening in her eyes, but she blinked several times to keep them at bay. "It's not fair," she complained. "None of this is fair. If Bill and Fleur announced that they were having a baby, no one would've had to pretend to be excited."

"I know," Remus said sadly. "I know it isn't fair to you. I'm so sorry."

"I wish things didn't have to be so bloody complicated all the time," she continued. "I wish things could be different."

The color drained from Remus's face. "I wish that too," he said in a measured tone. "If I could be different for you, Dora, I would be."

"That's not what I meant," she said irritably.

"Yes, it is," Remus said gently. "And it's okay."

Tonks shot him a disgusted look. "That's not what I meant and it's not okay."

Remus shook his head. "Dora, you have had to accept so many things about being with me and-"

"I haven't," Tonks argued.

Remus gave her a tight smile and tucked a loose strand of blue hair behind her ear. "Listen," he said lightly. "Without question you have welcomed me into your life and all that comes with it."

"Remus," Tonks protested.

"Dora please, let me say this. You have accepted that once a month I become ill, that I transform into a being that's not myself. You've accepted that I can't hold down a job and have very little money. You've accepted the people treat you differently for being with me."

"I don't care about those things, Remus," Tonks said. "We've been over this a thousand times."

"I know you don't," Remus agreed. "And I finally believe it. I'm so grateful for it every day. I'm grateful for 'you' every day. It is okay," he stressed, "that you have found one thing that finally gets to you."

"It's not okay," she said, her voice weak. She looked away from him again.

"Yes, it is," he said firmly. "The fact that you're bothered by this one thing only tells me that you are already such a good mother, who just wants the best for her child."

Tonks's face broke.

Remus instantly drew her towards him, and she sobbed into his chest.

"I don't want you to be different," Tonks cried. "I want the world to be different."

Remus held her closer. "I know, Darling," he soothed. "I know."

"I wouldn't care so much what everyone else thought if at least you were pleased," Tonks said, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt. She pulled away from him and dried her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffed, steadying herself.

Remus gazed at her. "I'm trying to be," he mumbled. "And I know you don't need to be told how terrified I am." Remus let out a long sigh. "It's just, when I think about the baby, I'm so filled with fear, there is hardly room for anything else."

Tonks kept her face stoic. "I'm scared too."

Remus nodded. "I realized that for the first time today at the meeting," he said somberly. "I've been a fool and I've been selfish that it has taken me this long to recognize."

"Have I tricked you into thinking that I'm not afraid of anything?" Tonks mused.

"Thoroughly," Remus admitted. "I will say, as awful as this may sound, I find it rather comforting that you're afraid too."

"Why?"

"Because I have felt isolated with my feelings," Remus explained. "Knowing that you share some of my concerns, well, I feel less alone."

"Of course, you're not alone," Tonks told him strongly.

Remus gave his wife a small smile. "I know that sounds awful."

Tonks shook her head. "It doesn't," she assured him. "I get it."

"Maybe it would help if you could tell me about why you're so pleased," Remus suggested.

Though her expression remained serious, there was a subtle spark that ignited behind her eyes. "There are so many reasons," Tonks said.

"I want to hear them all," Remus returned.

"Well, there is the simple fact that babies are very cute," she began.

"A valid point," Remus said flippantly.

"And babies," Tonks continued, "they don't know anything about the world, just think of all the cool things we're going to be able to show them. I can't wait to see their face when they hear music for the first time and taste ice cream. We're going to get to show them how to ride a broom for the first time, and we'll be there when they get their first wand. We get to be a part of this tiny person's life and see them grow. We'll get to see who they'll turn out to be." Tonks met Remus's eyes. "I'm mostly so pleased because we made this baby. This baby was created because we love each other."

"And we do love each other very much, don't we Dora?" Remus whispered.

"Very much," Tonks replied. "And I just don't see how something made from our love could be bad."

"No," Remus agreed. "And if the baby is like me?"

"We will love him or her all the more," she told him.

"And the Death Eaters?"

"We will protect our child at all costs," Tonks said, "Even if that means we have to go into hiding like James and Lily did."

"I think we might have to do that," Remus said seriously.

Tonks nodded. "I think we might."

They both feel quiet, lost in thoughts of the impending future.

"May I talk to the baby again?" Remus asked cautiously.

A smiled tugged at the corners of Tonks's lips. "Yeah, okay," she said. "Should I lay down?"

"Er, yes," Remus said.

Tonks laid back on the bed.

Remus carefully pulled up his wife's shirt, exposing her midriff. He leaned down over her belly.

Tonks squirmed slightly as Remus's breath ticked her sensitive skin.

"Hello again," Remus mumbled, feeling ridiculous. "I thought that maybe it would be a good idea if we had a bit of a chat."

"To get to know each other a little better?" Tonks teased.

"Exactly," Remus said, looking up at her. "Will I ever feel less foolish talking to your stomach?"

Tonks gave a little shrug. "It's totally bizarre, I know."

Remus rubbed his hand over her womb. "Hello little one," he said softly. "We sure are bringing you into a mess." He shook his head slightly. "But you mustn't worry about that. No, your mother and I will look after you. And we will do our very best to make this world better for you?" Remus looked back up to his wife. "I know we are taking a step back from the Order, which I believe is the best course of action right now, but if the time comes where I'm needed- if there is a chance to better the world in which you and our child life…" he trailed off.

Tonks surveyed her husband. She thought about his letter explaining why he was leaving her to run off with Harry. Then he had stated that he was doing this to give her a better life, the noble words not masking the cowardice behind his actions. Now when he spoke the words, they actually felt noble and true.

Tonks nodded. "We will do whatever it takes."

Remus's gaze lingered on his wife's face of a long moment before returning to address the baby. "There is something else we need to discuss," he said. "Once a month something might happen to you. It will be very frightening and it's going to be very painful. But it won't last, and your mummy will be waiting for you when it's all over and- and I will be there will you. You won't have to be by yourself when it happens. I-I promise."

Tonks reached out and ran her fingers through Remus's hair. He looked up at her, his eyes swimming with tears. His chest swelled with an overpowering protective instinct, one like he had never felt before. His child would never have to go through transformations alone like Remus had to when he was a child. No matter how much pain he felt before a full moon, Remus vowed to himself that he would reassure his child that it would all be over soon. Then he leaned forwards and pressed his lips lightly against Tonks's belly. "You mustn't worry," he whispered against her skin. "Daddy will be there with you."

XXX

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for reading. I could really use some fluffy Remus and Tonks ideas. If you have any suggestions, please put them in the reviews.

Sincerely,

Thora Jane