Chapter Fifty-Six
Lisa was now worried about Sonny. Well, worried was a strong word. She was downright terrified for him.
Sonny hadn't answered any of the texts messages that she had sent, nor had he answered any of her phone calls or face-time requests. He had cut himself off from her minutes after they had been told about Clay. After they had finished Sonny had stormed off without a word to any of them. Not that the others hadn't done the same.
Trent had stayed behind in the briefing room with Blackburn for a long time afterwards. Mainly to question him about what had been said by the doctors and had even read all the reports that they had been sent to see if anything had been overlooked or if they had put something in it that Blackburn had left out as he had not understood it.
Brock and Cerb had disappeared to the kennels and they all knew that Brock had only gone there so he could be alone with his four-legged brother. When Blackburn had told them about Clay's accident, they had all heard Cerberus whimper and cry. Cerberus was very close to their younger brother and like always Cerberus completely understood what was been said around him and hearing that Clay was hurt and out of his reach had clearly upset their brother. And the kennels was the one place that Brock could turn his complete attention to Cerb's care. But at the same time, he could use the detraction to keep his own mind off Clay.
Ray had immediately sent a message to Jason knowing that he would message him back or call him when he got to South Africa and then called Naima to fill her in on what had happened. They were all going to need to step up to support Clay when he got back home but more importantly, they were going to have to be there for each other as well.
But over the next day or so they had all started to grow more and more concerned about Sonny. He had basically ghosted them all and hadn't turned up to base at all. He had basically removed himself from them and from the way he was acting, he didn't want to be near them. Thankfully due to what had happened, Command had taken Bravo off rotation for a week to let the news of Clay's accident sink in which meant they didn't have to force Sonny back immediately but as the days went on, they knew that someone would have to face the beast. Blackburn could cover for him for only so long and today was day three and that was pushing it.
Bravo would soon be back on rotation which meant that they all needed to have their heads in the game and right now Sonny was their weak link. They were already down two members and even with talks of using the draft that Ray had been watching they were still going to be down. Thankfully before, they hadn't needed to take on a draft full time just yet and that was due to the fact that Clay had improved so much in a short period of time but this time there was no way he was going to come back so soon.
As much as no one wanted to bring in a draft when they were worried about one of their own, they all knew that they had little choice. Even asking Full Metal to step in again wouldn't please the brass that much as it would cause another team to lose a member. Without the correct number of operators, the chances of them completing a mission dropped dangerously and there was no way that Command would allow that to happen.
But at the same time, that was also true when it came down to the operators' mindset being off and distracted. They couldn't afford to be off. Being off lead to mission failure or one of them coming back in a box. Something that none of them wanted.
Because of that worry, Lisa knew that she hadn't been the only one who had tried and failed to get in touch with Sonny. They were all worried. But unlike them, she was one of the few people that Sonny wouldn't hurt if he got too pissed off. He had no problem in punching a brother or two if they really pissed him off and was too drunk to recognise them as family. Trent had gotten at least four black eyes and a broken nose due to Sonny when he was either too drunk and wanted to fight or was in so much pain due to an injury that he didn't recognise Trent when he went to treat him.
She knew that everyone on Bravo including Blackburn had tried to get in touch with him, even some of the other team guys had but to no avail. But the most compelling information on Sonny's mind frame had come from Full Metal who happened to live in the same building as him. Metal had no problem banging on Sonny's door every morning and night the moment Alpha team had heard what had happened to Clay trying to get an answer out of the man. He had even told them that he had even threatened Sonny to kick the door in if he didn't answer, knowing full well that he wasn't allowed, but it hadn't worked. Nothing was. Not even a text from Ray telling him that he needed to come in. He had ghosted them all.
As she pulled up outside of Sonny's apartment block, she noticed Sonny's bike still parked up and covered but it was clear to see some of the clips that held the cover on hadn't been attached correctly leaving part of the wheel exposed to the elements. Something that Sonny would never do. He loved that bike, and always made sure that it was covered correctly. Even to the point were he wouldn't care if he was going to be late for a briefing or deployment. He always looked after this bike, it was one of this most precious belongings. And to see that he didn't bother to make sure the covering was completely secure scared her. It was a sign that Sonny was really hurting.
She pretty much ran all the way to Sonny's front door but before she even got to knock she smelt the scent of strong alcohol mixed with other things coming from Sonny's place. It was a mixture of beer, whisky and fast food. A sign that something was really wrong. Listening very closely for any noises that came from the other side of the door. Telling her that Sonny was in fact still alive but more importantly that he was in there. If he wasn't, then they would have to send out the drones to find him.
Thankfully the hallway was pretty quiet as most people were out at work. Listening closely she could hear what sounded like a TV on, playing something like a football game or a hockey game, she couldn't tell which but at least Sonny was still alive enough to change the channel at least. Before leaving base, she had checked with Full Metal who had tried to get Sonny to come in with him but with no luck. He had mentioned that he knew that he was in there because he was watching some war film. And those two rarely turned up on the same channel.
As she raised her fist to the door she muttered to herself saying how stupid she was to come without some series back up. She had her key with her that Sonny had given her when they had moved further along in their secret relationship and was so prepared to use it. But at the same time, she knew that Sonny was taken the whole thing with Clay hard. She knew that their bromance had hit a wall ever since Clay had told them that he was going to South Africa and had a strange feeling that Sonny was blaming himself for some strange reason. So she wasn't about to storm in there guns blazing as more than likely he would shut down on her and she would get nowhere.
With a deep breath, she loudly knocked on Sonny's door and waited a few minutes listening for any sound that came from the other side. The noise from the television stopped. Like someone had muted it or turned it off completely. Then she heard the sound of a bottle bouncing off the floor as it had rolled off the couch as someone moved.
"Sonny!" She called, hoping that if she told him it was her that he would at least open the door. Or at least acknowledge her. But after a few minutes of silence, she knew that he wasn't about to do that.
Sonny never dealt with emotion well, they all knew that but normally he would hit the town with some of the guys or hit the gym or boxing ring. Often getting himself into trouble or being as loud and annoying as possible. That was the Sonny they all knew. But for him to lock himself away like this was something new to her. For all of them.
She knew that he had done it after they had lost Alana and it had been Naima to get him out of it but this was really scaring her. In her head, she wished she had called Naima and asked her to come with her to see Sonny. For as long as they both knew each other, Lisa knew of only two people who could talk sense into Sonny or even deal with him when he was this much in an emotional state and that was Naima and Alana.
Losing Alana had really hit Sonny hard. It had for all of them. So with Alana gone, Naima was the one of the only people who knew how to calm Sonny down enough for him to mix again with others. But Naima had enough on her plate with work, the kids and being married to Ray. She couldn't deal with an over-emotional Sonny Quinn as well, but if she had too, she would call her in a second.
When she didn't hear Sonny move again, she sighed and shook her head before banging on the door again but this time a little harder, making sure that Sonny knew that she wasn't going to go away. "Sonny! Open this door now!" She yelled banging at the door at the end to make sure Sonny was listening to her. She knew that Sonny was stubborn but so was she. And she wasn't about to fold so easily.
She had a strange feeling that Sonny had gone through his entire collection of alcohol and more than likely was suffering the after-effects of that binge right about now. So she knew that she wasn't about to come face to face with an overly emotional Sonny but in fact an overly emotional hungover Sonny.
A few minutes later she heard a voice that only proved her right. Sonny was hungover and sounded horrible.
"Go away!" A voice from the other side of the door shouted. But she heard the breaks in Sonny's voice that told her that Sonny's emotions were sitting on a knife-edge that could tip at any point sending Sonny into a space that was unknown to him.
She sighed and shook her head again, it was a thing that she did without thinking even though she knew Sonny couldn't see her. "Not happening. Open this door!" She said banging the door once more. Sonny wasn't going to cut her off anymore. He needed to talk to her before things got any worse.
With a sigh, she fished out from her back pocket his spare key that she had and placed it in the lock. But she didn't turn it in the lock. There was a small part of her that hoped that Sonny would come to the door and let her in himself. But after a few minutes of silence once again she knew that he wasn't going to let her in. She would have to go to him.
Turning the lock she allowed herself in but as she opened the door and the first thing that hit her was the smell. The whole apartment stunk of stale alcohol that she could even taste it in her mouth. God, did she need to open a window or even take a step back into the hall just to take a mouth full of clear air. How could Sonny live here with that stink?
She quickly looked around Sonny's living room and saw how low Sonny had got. Sonny wasn't the cleanest person in the world but he always made sure that his place was somewhat cleaned. This, however, looked like a hurricane had swept through once or twice. There was take out boxes everywhere and empty bottles just littering the coffee table and the floor. If she didn't know what had happened, she would have said that Sonny had held one hell of a party. But she knew that this was all because of Sonny himself.
She quickly found who she was looking for laying on the couch with his arm covering his face but she noticed very clearly that he was in the same clothes he was in on base. And that worried her, it looked like Sonny had just basically started drinking as soon as he had gotten home and from what the room looked like he hadn't stopped till he had ran out.
"For god sake," She muttered to herself and then moved straight over to the blind and pulled them up flooring the once dark room with bright sunlight and opened the window allowing a cool breeze to flow into the room.
The bright light caused Sonny's head to feel like it was about to explode. He hated himself, Davis and everyone at this very moment. All he wanted was to be left alone, why couldn't they just do that for him. He had wanted to punch Full Metal in the face when he had banged on his door every bloody night and day telling him to get up and he would have if he didn't know that Metal could easily lay him out if he did. He groaned as he pulled himself up so he was sitting on his couch and muttered a few cursed words that he would never say clearly to Davis and he knew she cared for him and he her but right now he didn't want love. He wanted to be alone.
"What the hell Davis? What's the matter with you?" He growled after swallowing a mouth full of bile because this had been the first time in a while that he had sat up straight and he didn't want to have to clean his own sick up from the carpet.
Lisa moved around the couch and put herself between the door to the bathroom and his bedroom and Sonny. She would rather he stormed out of his apartment than hid deeper within it. At least he would get some fresh air and since she had spotted his keys handing up next to the kitchen, if he did storm out he would have to go around the island to get them.
She sighed and shook at the sight of the man she loved. What the hell was going on inside his head? When they were first told about Clay, she had wanted to grab Sonny's hand as she knew that the news of Clay being hurt had cut him more deeply than anyone else but knew that she couldn't. Their relationship had to be a secret. It killed her to see Sonny so broken and all she wanted to do was fix it but she couldn't. Nothing would fix this. Only Clay coming home safe and sound would help Sonny heal. And she had no idea if that was even possible. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts of Clay not making it out of her head and focused all her energy on her boyfriend.
"Really that is what you are going with?" She asked folding her arms across her chest trying her best to keep her voice level and not allowing it to break.
Sonny closed his eyes and sighed, he should have known that she would turn up at some point. Even if she was one of the last people he wanted to see but also the one person that he needed. "What do you want?" He groaned as his head started to spin again as his eyes started to adjust to the light. As much as he wanted to have her with him, he knew that he couldn't. Or others might work out their secret which could destroy not only them but also Lisa's career. Something that she had fought for and something that he never wanted to take away.
Lisa couldn't help but huff loudly. "What I want is you to stop drinking this crap…" She said moving closer to Sonny and picked up one of the empty bottles of beer that had sat on the coffee table. Turning the bottle over in his hand she found herself freezing as she saw the label. It wasn't Sonny's normal beer. She could feel her eyes welling up a little when she recognized the band, Sonny used to and still did hate this brand of beer. But Clay didn't. It was his favourite brand.
Seeing that Sonny had drunk himself silly on Clay's favourite, really hit her hard. He would often joke and bully Clay over his type of drink. But Lisa knew that that was just what brothers did and Sonny meant no harm by it. But seeing that Sonny had basically brought a whole shop's supply of the beer to deal with what had happened to their little brother.
But Sonny couldn't just sit here and drink the whole country's supply of Clay's beer until they found out whether or not Clay could survive this. He needed to deal with this before it killed him. If they lost Clay and then Sonny, Bravo would be over. And so would she. She knew that she couldn't continue with Bravo if she lost them both.
"...get up, get in the shower and sober up." She finished as she moved to collect the bin that sat next to the couch like Sonny had moved it there in case he threw up and started to put the empty bottles inside it. She knew that there were way too many bottles for the small bin but it was a start at least.
"Leave me alone," Sonny groaned as he threw himself back into the couch. He was too hungover to argue with Lisa as he normally did, but in the back of his mind, a shower sounded like a good idea. He hadn't changed or showered since he had gotten the news about Clay and he had been running with Green Team right before it. He knew that he must smell like a dead cow in summer right about now but with all the pain he had been feeling inside he hadn't even noticed how long he had been here.
Lisa scrunched her nose up a little as she got closer to Sonny. Man did he stink but at the same time, all she wanted to do was pull him into the strongest of hugs and make him get all his emotion out at once. "Sonny Quinn, I will drag you kicking and screaming if I have too." She said, at this point standing almost completely over him which was making her a little uncomfortable. But she needed to make sure that Sonny listened to her.
Sonny closed his eyes as he couldn't look at Lisa anymore, as much as he loved her he kept seeing the same pain that he was feeling inside. Clay was a little brother to all of them and he knew that he owed Clay a huge thank you for helping Lisa overcome whatever had been holding her back during her training. But also seeing that pain in her eyes had also been the reason why he hadn't wanted to see her. He could deal with his own emotions, maybe not well but he could deal with them. However, he hated seeing Lisa hurt. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do to change that.
"What's the point?" He muttered as he threw his arm over his eyes so even if he did open his eyes he couldn't see her.
"Because you stink," Lisa answered honestly. She wasn't going to lie to him, mainly because she knew that he knew that he stuck. She knew that Sonny would try to fight her, he was a stubborn foul but that was one of the things she loved about him.
She couldn't hear clearly but she knew that Sonny was muttering something that sounded like a smartass comment. However she was pissed about it, instead, she smiled. At least Sonny still had some fight in him to make comments but at the same time, worried that he wasn't man enough to say it to her face like normal.
With a sigh and a deep breath, she sat down on the edge of the coffee table and looked directly at Sonny. Not breaking eye contact from him she reached out and touched his arm. He didn't flinch at the contact but she felt him pull away from her. He only ever did that if he was too emotional to deal with anything else at the same time and right now her Sonny Quinn was an emotional wreck.
"Look I know you are upset with what happened to Clay, we all are but…" Lisa started to say softly but as soon as she mentioned Clay's name, Sonny jerked away from her like she had just burned him.
"Don't Davis. We're not going there!" Sonny snapped pulling away from her. He knew that he would hurt her by his actions but he didn't want to talk about this. Not now. Not ever.
Lisa sighed, she knew that Sonny was really hurting inside with what had happened but she also had a feeling that it wasn't just because of what had just happened to Clay in Africa. But everything. She had seen how distant Sonny had been with Clay even before he left. Yes, he had basically moved in with their little brother but she could see that Sonny wasn't keeping Clay close by choice. It was like it was an order or something. She had seen the fact that he wouldn't relax around Clay unless someone else was with them. She knew that Ray had spoken to him and so had Naima but she could see that Sonny hadn't gotten over what had happened to Clay with Zurkoff. However, she knew that really none of them had moved past it just yet. Seeing Clay so broken had cut all of them. But Sonny needed to get past this or whatever friendship that the pair had would soon fail.
"Sonny, it is ok to be human once and awhile." She said softly once again reaching out for him. "Look we are all worried about Clay but you got to remember that he is one hell of a fighter. You taught him well in that respect." She added with a soft smile. Thankfully this time Sonny didn't pull away from her when she mentioned Clay's name. Instead, she felt him physically shake with emotion.
Her eyes started to fill up with tears, she wished none of this had happened to them. That Clay hadn't suffered everything that he had and that he was there with them still. But she knew that there was nothing she could do to change the past. But the one thing that hurt her the most was that as much as she wanted to believe her known words, she had no idea if Clay was ever going to recover from his injuries. She had overheard some of what Blackburn had told Trent after everyone had left the briefing room, which confused her a little. But some of the medical phases she did and they weren't good. But that didn't stop her from hoping. And it shouldn't for Sonny either.
Sonny felt the tears start to fall from his eyes. He knew what she was doing, trying to make him feel like there was hope but he knew better. Clay wasn't coming back or if he was, he wouldn't be his little brother any more. He wasn't stupid, he remembered what the doctors had told him after his own drowning and how it could have been far worse. So was that how it went? Because he didn't drown, Clay had too? He kept losing people he cared about. Now he was losing Clay, it wasn't fair.
He sat up but kept his face covered with his hand. He didn't want Lisa to see his tears. With a shaky breath, he asked the question that he knew was a question that they were all asking. "What if he doesn't make it?"
Silence followed this question. For so long that made Sonny look up to watch Lisa's face. And saw the same look of fear in her eyes that he knew was also in his. No one knew what was going to happen and that was what was scaring Sonny the most.
Normally someone did. Blackburn, Jason and Ray planned ahead and they were good at it. They were planners. Trent was their medic, he could understand and translate all the doctors who were treating one of them. And Brock, hell Brock could get anyone around him to relax. He was one of the most laid back Seals he had ever met.
But this time, no one knew what was going to happen. Clay could wake up ok, or he could wake up with problems with his head. Or worse, he might not ever wake up. And that meant he would have to bury another brother. Something he never wanted to do again.
Lisa quickly wiped a tear that fell down her face with her hand before grabbing hold of Sonny's arm. "Sonny, Clay is close to the strongest person I know. He will keep fighting for his family." She said but before she finished she moved her hand to Sonny's chin pulling it up so he was looking directly at her. "Us." She said softly as she allowed her hand to run over Sonny's jaw.
It was the one thing that she knew to be true. Clay saw them all as family. His family. And was the reason why he fought so hard to protect them. She knew that from his file, Clay only had Ash as the only blood relative left which basically meant that he had no family left to care for him. Lisa knew what that was like, after the fire she had basically been left alone until she found the Navy. And she had a feeling that Clay had been the same after he had lost his Grandmother. But she couldn't help but see Clay as a lost boy when she saw him either asleep or reading. He looked so young. Too young maybe for this life but then again, she had no right to question his life choices. They were his to make. But he was family now. To all of them. Maybe more to some than others but he was family.
"Not been the best big brother have I?" Sonny asked looking now directly at Lisa. He knew that Clay saw them as a family but sometimes he felt like he hadn't been the best big brother he could be.
When Clay had first joined Bravo, he had hated the kid. Hell, he had gone out of his way to make things harder for him. It hadn't been until Jason had actually asked him to look out for the kid, did he try. And after that, the two of them were as thick as thieves. He missed that. After the bombing, he felt like Clay had cut himself off from them. Even when he reconnected with them after he sorted his head out, he always felt like he was holding something back. He had also made a promise to himself to sort whatever was going on with Clay when he got back from 'rehab' but that turned out to be a lie. And they had nearly lost him.
"What are you talking about Sonny? You're the best big brother." Lisa asked, shaking her head to show Sonny that she completely disagreed with his statement. Yes, they had all seen Clay's and Sonny's relationship rise and fall and the two of them could argue and fight like they were enemies but that was what brothers did. At the end of the day, they always made up and forgave each other. Hell, she hadn't seen anyone change Sonny more than Clay. And that was what he had done. Changed him. He had made him a better person, a better human being. And she was forever grateful for that.
Sonny snorted and shook his head violently. "I ignored him. When he told us that he was going on this stupid trip, I should have stopped him. I knew this trip had all the bad juju but I didn't and now look what's happened."
Lisa gripped Sonny's arm once more. "Sonny Clay needed to get away and clear his head just like you do. And what happened isn't on you. It was an accident." She explained. Accidents happened. And sadly it happened to the best of them. Clay had been saving someone when he had gotten hurt, something that they all should be proud of him for. But at the same time, it hurt. That Clay would risk his life more for a stranger and not think about what would happen when they got the news. Yes, more likely Clay had no idea how much danger he could be in when he had drove into the water because his mind was focused on saving someone else.
But then again, they all had that mindset. They would risk their lives to save others on a daily basis. The only difference was that Clay didn't have a gun in his hand at the time and he wasn't on a mission. So that meant he was meant to be safe.
Before speaking this time, Lisa took Sonny's hand into hers and gave it a soft squeeze. "Sonny...Clay isn't like you." She said softly as she ran her fingers over his knuckles. She was speaking the truth but sometimes Sonny needed reminding that not every Seal liked to hit the bars like they were about to close for good. "...Isn't like any of us." She added knowing that Clay was far different than any other Seal she had come across for a whole range of reasons.
"He can't clear his head like the rest of you do. He isn't into drinking himself silly or hit the gym repeatedly till he hurt more on the outside than in. He goes where he knows is safe. Why do you think he always goes home after an op or goes for a walk?" She asked.
"I know that," Sonny snapped without meaning too. He just hated people telling him something about one of his brothers that he already knew. Clay wasn't like him, yes, he was a team guy all the way but the kid...sometimes he would look at Clay and see a mixture of both Ray and Jason in the kid. And maybe a little bit of Adam too. He was nothing like any of the other Seals he had worked with in his whole career and to be able to call him brother was a real honour.
"He just keeps trying to get himself killed without meaning to and I don't know if I could handle…" Sonny said but stopped when he felt his voice break. He knew that the tears were now falling and there wasn't anything he could do about them so he just let them fall. There was no point trying to stop them.
"He is my little brother Davis and all I keep doing is messing that up. He properly hates me…" He admitted taking his hand out of Lisa's and rubbed his face roughly. He would take Clay hating him over losing him right away. Even though the very thought of his brother hating him stung deep, he would survive just knowing that his little brother was out there, alive and well.
Lisa was full-blown crying now. She couldn't help it, Sonny sounded so broken right now and there wasn't anything she could do but to comfort him. "He wouldn't," she said smiling softly. Clay could never hate Sonny, he might drive him mad along with the rest of them but he could never hate his brothers. And Sonny was the one that he was closest too.
"You sound so confident," Sonny said with a scoff as he shook his head. He would hate him if he had treated him the way he had treated Clay.
"Because I know Clay. You're his brother Sonny, he cares about you and he never holds a grudge on any of us." Lisa explained as she once again ran her hand over Sonny's jaw but this time allowed her fingers to run through his hair as well and down to his neck. All she wanted to do was to kiss him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But she had promised herself that she would never lie to Sonny and not about this.
Sonny nodded before he allowed his body to relax into Lisa's hold. He always knew that he was safe with Lisa. That she wouldn't do anything to hurt him.
"Now shower. I'll get some coffee going." Lisa said with a smile as she got up from the coffee table but as she moved she found that Sonny had grabbed hold of her hand. She turned to look at him.
"Thanks, Davis. For everything." He said nodding to her but couldn't make himself smile. He was too emotional for that right now.
"No worries." She said giving his hand a little squeeze before allowing it to drop as Sonny walked slowly towards the bathroom. She waited till she heard the sound of running water before allowing herself to rest against the kitchen island. Closing her eyes, she tried to take control of all the emotions that she had so far kept down. Without thinking she then opened them and looked up to the ceiling.
"You better come back to us Clay," she whispered before moving into the kitchen to make some much-needed coffee. They both were going to need it.
