Author's Note: maybe skip this one if you have a problem with suicidal thoughts and things, or at least just skip to the end when he's talking to his parents


August 21st 1994, (Flashback)

"DAD!"

Abel Selwyn was startled awake by sound of Maverick's – his eldest son - booming voice, accompanied by banging as he hammered on the thin wooden door. He blinked a few times and rubbed at the sleep in his eyes, how long had he been asleep? That had been a good nap, from the dregs of sunlight he saw draining from the sky it was now evening.

"WAKE UP, DAD!" Maverick yelled again more irritably, pounding on the door once again.

Before he could even consider whether or not to reply, Maverick yanked the door open so suddenly and forcefully that it made him jump in surprise. So much so that Abel, who tended to sleep precariously close to the end of the bed anyway, managed to fall off and slam his head painfully against the bedside table. For fuck's sake, could you be anymore pathetic right now?

"I'm awake," Abel croaked, rubbing his now aching head as he got himself up off the floor.

"It's the little ones bedtime," Maverick explained and Abel spared the burly teen a glance, it was hard to believe he'd be starting his fifth year in a few weeks. They grew so fast, he had a face full of whiskers and was almost as tall as Abel himself now. He'd also unfortunately decided to grow his hair out into a greasy ponytail that did not suit him at all, "Mum wants you to say goodnight to them."

"You woke me for that?" Abel wondered tiredly, regretting letting the words slip by his lips as Maverick immediately clicked his tongue in disapproval just like his mother did and his cold eyes grew colder. Great job, idiot.

"I'm just doing what I'm told," Maverick insisted irritably, slamming the door loudly behind him as he left.

Abel flinched then sighed, rubbing his head again unhappily and regretting ever opening his mouth. It wasn't like he minded saying goodnight to his kids, he just didn't see it as something worth waking up for if he wasn't already awake. That made sense, right? He probably should've tried explaining it to Maverick when he was actually still there, though he still doubted it would really help. Of course it wouldn't help, he hates you.

Abel tried to straightened himself up and smooth down the robes that he hadn't bothered changing out of for his nap, unlike Maverick he was tall and spindly and often felt as though he was made of toothpicks. He sighed once more, attempting to mentally prepare himself for the task at hand and instinctively going to reach for the picture of his deceased brother, Cain, which he kept at his bedside before remembering it was gone. His wife, Eunice, had decided it made him too depressed and if he wanted it back he needed to get over it, he hardly thought that was fair. It just doesn't seem fair to you because you're a freak.

Finding nothing else to do to procrastinate, he crept across the large master bedroom and left, handling the door far more gently than his son had and closing it as slowly as possible to not make a sound. His slate gray eyes skimmed the corridor carefully before he made his approach his youngest son's room, he fell asleep the fastest so you always wanted to do him first. He let his hand rest on the door handle for a minute, allowing himself a last second to breathe. It wasn't like he hated spending time with his kids, he just never felt like he was in the right frame of mind, he wanted them to be happy after all not but even pretending was as difficult as it was exhausting. You're just a terrible father.

Abel pushed the door open, poking his head through the crack and saw the five year old's eyelids flicker slightly at the disturbance. He left it ajar and slipped aside, crossing the room to where Eleazar was snuggled into a bed that looked far too big for his tiny body and clutching a large stuffed toy – a demiguise? Or maybe a zouwu? Magical creatures were clearly not Abel's strong suit – which was also too large for his small hands. Abel tried to reposition the toy so that it wasn't falling out of his fingers and pulled the covers more over him, tucking him in to make him comfortable.

"Night-night Daddy," Eleazar yawned sleepily, smiling as half-opened his eyes.

"Night-night," Abel offered, attempted to force his face into something resembling a smile as he brushed raven locks from Eleazar's face and planted a kiss on his forehead, "I love you."

"Love you too."

With that Eleazar's eyes fluttered shut once more and Abel quietly tiptoed from the room, sure his son was asleep before he'd even finished closing the door behind him with the same care as he'd closed his own. He exhaled, leaning back against the wall and trying to untie the knot of anxiety that resided in his heart. Why did he even get so worked up? That and gone fine, just fine, one down and only to go. Yes, then you go back to lying in bed not sleeping and fantasizing about dying like the pathetic wretch you are.

Subconsciously and shamefully he yanked his satin sleeves down, guiltily trying to cover up the ugly scars lining the insides of his wrists. He knew his children deserved better, he wasn't completely stupid but the problem was he just… he just, well, he wasn't better. He often felt like at some point he'd slipped and fallen into some kind of other dimension to everyone else, he was stuck there drowning in his dark thoughts and despair while everyone else just walked around like normal, they couldn't get why he was like that and he couldn't get why they weren't. And it was so exhausting, just trying not to drown all the time…

He was pulled out of his own thoughts for his minute as he heard the click of a door, seeing it was his eldest daughter, Cheryl, the only one of his children to inherit her mother's honey color hair instead of his own raven black. It was hard to believe she'd be going into her second year now, her autumn birthday still made her closer to thirteen. She was growing up too, much like Maverick. She'd had a big growth spurt of the summer and had started filling her robes out at the front, her mother had let her start experimenting with makeup and all she seemed to talk about now were her friends or one of the like seven different boys she fancied.

Honestly, he felt like everyone seemed to be aging except for himself, it was like at some point in his adolescence he'd just… stunted while all the other people continued to progress. He still felt like a prisoner in his own life, still at the mercy of his parents or his wife, he was barely a man and was no longer a wizard, his parents didn't trust him with his wand. He couldn't think of anything more shameful, he resisted the urge to sigh at his own abysmally pathetic inadequacy before realizing how irate Cheryl was looking. As she got closer, he noticed her face set in a very Eunice-like scowl. Well what are you waiting for? Ask her if anything's wrong already!

"Oh err… h- hey Cheryl?" Abel stammered out, pushing himself off from the door and standing straighter, she paused and seemed surprised that he'd addressed her, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just ran out of color-changing ink," Cheryl answered, holding up a large empty inkwell that he swore she'd only got last week, "It's so annoying, I hadn't finished Janie's letter yet and I hadn't even started on Maryana's so now I'm going to just have to use normal ink. So now Janie's letter's going to be all ugly and you just know that Maryana's going to be all like 'well why did everyone else get letters in color-changing ink and I didn't?' or worse, she's not going to even believe me that Mother bought me color changing ink. Ugh."

"Does it… really… matter?" Abel wondered hesitantly in confusion, his daughter looked indignant.

"Of course it matters, Dad, you just don't understand because you don't have friends."

"Well you got me there," Abel muttered, deciding not to point out he didn't think he wouldn't understand even if he had friends but Cheryl's ears pricked up like a dog at the sound of the doorbell.

"I'll get it!" Cheryl volunteered, already running off excitedly, "Maybe it's one of the things I ordered from Witch Weekly magazine!"

Abel didn't think anyone would be delivering this late but he didn't care enough to check it out, he didn't feel up to dealing with his people and his wife would be downstairs anyway. Instead he continued down the hall to his younger daughter's room, the name plaque reading 'Bernice' she had very proudly made herself, he started to open the door carefully but saw the seven year old was sitting up in bed patiently waiting for him. How long has the poor kid been waiting for you?

"Hey Bernie," he offered, putting on his best falsely cheery voice and going over to her. She didn't smile in response, eliciting a moment of panic from at the thought that he might've done something wrong but he also noticed she was gripping the blankets tight enough for her knuckles to go white, "What's wrong?"

"Mummy says I can't have my night light on anymore," the small girl told him fearfully, nodding to the lamp by her bed that was indeed off, "She said I'm getting too old to still be scared of the dark and I have to be a big girl now."

"Oh."

"Daddy, I'm scared," Bernice insisted, biting her quivering lip as he sat down on the bed beside her.

"Well you have nothing to be scared of, the dark isn't so bad-"

"But bad things hide in the dark," Bernice hissed, eyeing the shadowed room fearfully and trembling, "Like Dementors and lethifolds and dragons-"

"I think you'd notice a dragon hiding in the dark, they're rather large," Abel pointed out but she continued to look at him wide-eyed with fear, he sighed and he carefully pulled her into a hug that stopped her trembling, "Did you try telling your mother this?"

"Yes! She said I'm just being silly," Bernice told him, sounding dangerously close to crying.

"Well I think she's the one being silly if you ask me," Abel muttered, not sure why Eunice had randomly decided to torment their child like this. If light made her feel safe then let her feel safe, she probably wouldn't get to feel safe for very long so might as well let her have it, "Why don't we just leave it and don't tell her? That way, everyone's happy."

"What if she finds out?"

"Then just blame me," Abel decided, trying to ignore the way his insides shriveled up fearfully at the thought of his wife's rage. You're pathetic.

"Really?" Bernice's eyes lit up hopefully.

"Of course," Abel promised her, moving over to turn the lamp on. Thankfully it wasn't one that required a wand to turn on, as long as you were magical you could activate it and it immediately sparked a blue flame that brought color back to his daughter's pale face, "There. Happy now?"

"Thanks, Daddy, you're the best," Bernice offered, giving him a hug that he tried not to recoil from before she settled back into the bed. You're not the best, you're the worst. The worst!

"Now get some sleep," Abel told her with a force smile, pulling the blankets back up to tuck her in and kiss her forehead gently, "I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Without further ado, Abel left his daughter to hopefully more pleasant dreams and closed the door carefully behind him. He then exhaled again, feeling his face ache from the effort of pretending to smile, pretending to be a good father, pretending he was anything more than a pathetic coward who was too weak to cope with even the most basic of challenges life threw at him. He was a bad father, a bad husband, a bad brother, a bad son, a bad wizard, a bad man. I hate you, I hate so much.

Abel started to head back to his room, rubbing at his head which was still aching a bit. He wanted nothing more than to just crawl back into bed and hopefully into the blissful oblivion that was sleep, it may not refresh him but it did still let him escape his own mind, at least for a little while. Out of the corner of his eye he was surprised to see both Maverick and Cheryl were now standing at the top of the stairs, half-hiding behind the bannisters. Eavesdropping probably, he didn't really care.

"ABEL!"

He flinched at the sound of his wife's voice shrieking up the stairs, freezing in place and glancing in the direction of the staircase ominously. What now? What could she possibly want? Surely she couldn't have found out about the night light thing already? He hovered on the balls of his feet for a moment, wondering if he just went back to bed if she'd let whatever it was drop. You're a coward.

"ABEL, GET DOWN HERE!"

Abel swallowed, flinching again at the sound of her loud, angry voice, he supposed that answered that. He turned around, Maverick and Cheryl scattered back up the hallway to their rooms like insects whose rock had been lifted. Scowling and wondering if maybe he should care what they had been eavesdropping on, he started down the unnecessarily wide staircase and was almost at the bottom when-

"J- Jenna?" Abel's words stumbled out in shock as the woman passed him by, she turned to look at him with a smirk forming on the corners of her lips. She was looking unusually bedraggled but there was mistaking her heart-shaped face and long-lashed cinnamon brown eyes, carrying bags that hadn't been there several months ago. He knew his face blanched, his heart rate quickened and his stomach turned itself inside out while the suddenly seemed to contort chaotically around him. She couldn't be here, "Y- You're not supposed to be here, you can't be here… I- I fired you, remember?"

"I know," she told him sweetly, idly flipping her chocolate brown ponytail over her other shoulder as she leaned in close to whisper into his ear, "Do you remember how I told you that you'd regret it?"

"Ye… Y- Yeah?" Abel chocked on the word as she stepped back still smiling, his mouth suddenly feeling as though it had been drained of every drop of saliva making it hard to talk. Hard to think too, he was sure the air had thinned and… and dried, he also he realized a death grip on the bannister was the only thing keeping him upright on his quavering legs. He thought he might faint.

"I just came by to drop off our baby, it was finally born yesterday," Jenna continued and gestured to her right towards the front room while opening the front door with her other hand, Abel followed her gaze and was horrified to see his wife standing there watching the exchange with a baby bundled in her arms and her jaw on the floor, "Congratulations, it's a boy."

The door slammed behind her.

"Jenna, wait!" Abel yelped while flinching at the deafening bang of the door that reverberated around the foyer, not even entirely what her staying would accomplish but she was already gone anyway. He staggered down the last few steps, putting a hand to his head as the world around him seemed to flash in and out of existence. This couldn't be happening.

"You know, I don't think I actually believed her until I saw your reaction," Eunice said, her tone nasty and Abel's eye twitched but he was too scared to look at her, instead she merely lowered his hand, attempting to hold it with his other one to stop them shaking, "With how you can't get through sex without crying, I've just always assumed you were gay!"

"I… I don't… I'm not… I… what…" Abel's words tumbled out incoherently as he felt the cogs of his mind grind to his halt, his brain wasn't even formulating full sentences right now. Did it even matter?

"And with a half-blood, Abel? Really? With tainted blood like hers, she was barely fit to teach our children to read," Eunice continued as if he hadn't spoken, the disgust evident in her voice as and his gray eyes inched leftwards to catch her face contort into a look of absolute revulsion as she sneered down at the innocent baby in her arms, "Filthy half-breed bastard!"

With that, she grabbed the defenseless baby roughly and very violently flung the infant at the closest wall. Abel's instincts reacted far faster than his brain did as he body leaped protectively forwards to catch the baby, feeling his oft-unused magic seep out of him into the space around the baby to slow his child's fall enough for him to safely scoop it from the air.

He almost dropped the kid in surprise as gravity returned and the baby found its voice, letting out a miserable wail at the shock of being thrown like a Quaffle and possibly of being woken up. In truth crying was probably a good sign that the baby was unharmed as it squirmed in his arms and kicked its legs, Abel let his own body slump, feeling very drained from his use of wandless magic that only been semi-accidental.

Content the baby was unhurt, he looked back to his wife who he expected was even angrier now and who he was now probably close enough to be in striking distance of. He barely finished the thought before her fist collided with his eye and he staggered back, just about managing to stay on his feet but she struck him again and he lost his balance. He fell to his knees with a painful clunk as bone hit hardwood, his left eye now stinging he clutched the baby a little tighter.

"I'm sorry!" Abel blurted out, catching sight of the wand in her hand he was now on eye level with.

"Sorry for what, Abel?" Eunice sneered and he saw her finger the curved handle of her wand, "For betraying your wife? For defiling yourself with a half-blood? For disgracing your family with a half-blooded bastard? Or just for getting caught?"

"I- I- um… f- for… err… I-"

"Is that question too hard for your retarded backwards brain to focus on or are you just trying to figure out which option gets me to hurt you the least because you are so fucking pathetic?"

"I don't know…"

"Of course you don't know! You never know anything!"

"What do you want from me? We know I really screwed up bad," Abel wondered hopelessly as he noticed her feet start to pace, "Why do you care? You don't even like me."

"Hating you somehow makes it even worse!" Eunice screeched and he flinched fearfully as her feet stopped in their tracks but she continued yelling, "You don't think I'd rather be with someone else, with anyone else pureblooded besides you?! I'd take someone old, or someone ugly, or someone fat, or someone stupid, or someone poor, or someone with a temper or even someone eccentric because you know what? At least they'd be something- they would be something, Abel! But you? You're like the absence of something- you're just nothing, Abel, you're nothing. Anything is better than nothing.

"You know on our wedding day when your mother told me to keep you alive, I didn't realize she meant it literally! But you know what? I stuck it out like just any good pureblood would, that's would you do when your parents find a respectable pureblood match for you and arrange a marriage! I've made sure you've stayed alive, I've made sure the union produced children- I even forewent joining the Dark Lord just for the sake of mothering said children! And oh yes, I've made sure to never commit adultery! That's like the one rule of marriage, Abel, the only one! You couldn't even do that and that wasn't even asking you to do something, that was asking you not to do something! Not to do someone else, especially not to do some half-blooded harlot who's apparently too stupid to use contraceptive magic! With how much you hate doing pretty much anything, Abel, it should have been easy!

"What the hell were you thinking?! How could you do this to us?! You bring nothing but shame and disgrace to your family, to your children- your real children that is, not that worthless whelp whose existence only defiles them! After all I've done for you, all I've had to put up with and now… now I don't have to deal with you anymore…"

Abel had been nodding along in unhappy agreement with her angry rant, tears starting to bleed from his eyes but when it trailed off quietly as if she'd only just realized something, he was forced to look up in surprise. Was she going to kill him? He hated himself for the swell of hope that brought to his heart, she raised her wand, he flinched and…

…And the large double doors before him burst wide open so fast they almost fell off their hinges, letting the chill of the evening air lather all over him. He glanced back to his wife in confusion, her arm still outstretched to the door as she sneered down at him like he was some kind of bug.

"Get out, Abel," she told him firmly, turning her wand to him.

"What?"

"I said get out, Abel! We're through!" she yelled at him, making him wince as he started to pick himself back up onto his shaky legs, "Your affair has released me from my vows, I don't have to be with you anymore, it's over."

"But… this is my house?" Abel wondered in bemusement, looking between the cold evening outside and his bullish wand-wielding wife.

"No, actually, I think you'll find it's your parents' house and if you really believe they're not going to disown you for this then you're even stupider than I thought," Eunice told him rather smugly then jabbed her wand at the open door, "Now get out before I force you get out!"

Abel swallowed, hesitating for a final moment to search his mind for something to say and wondering whether he even wanted to say anything but his brain remained blank so he shuffled shamefully out into the evening air with his head hung low in disgrace. He flinched at the sound of the front door slamming shut behind him, leaving him alone with just the howl of the wind and the cries of the newborn bastard baby still struggling in his arms.

He shivered at the cold, his dark satin robes providing little protection against the groping hands of the wind as he tried to put one foot in front of the other. He walked numbly, aimlessly, instinctively wanting to put as much distance between himself and the potentially prying eyes of his neighbors as he waited for his reeling mind to stop spinning and start functioning again. The shock started thawing back into panic, into anxiety, into terror. What was he supposed to do now? Jump.

Abel jolted and focused in front of him, seeing he'd wandered clear of the homes and towards a nearby muggle bridge that those metal boxes used. His breath caught in his throat and he felt suddenly very afraid but simultaneously very relieved, his legs approached the bridge mechanically while his heart raced inside his chest despite the guilty barbs still skewering it. What would Cain say in this situation? He'd tell you jump.

Abel whimpered and shook his head vehemently, this was why he needed the picture of his brother so he could remember the sound of his supportive voice instead of being trapped listening only to his own annoying shrill voice inside his screwed up head.

Why are you even upset? His mind sneered at him, this is everything you could ever have hoped for! You're alone, finally you're alone! There's no one to stop you, no one to save you, no one to get in the way! I can't… Just jump! One little leap and it'll all be over, it'll finally all be over! Do it! DO IT! No. You want to know what Cain would say so badly? If you just jump then you can ask him, you'll finally be able to see him again. I don't even know if that's true. You don't have to know if it's true, you can find out if you jump…

He'd reached the railing of the bridge before he'd realized it, the deafening whirs of the metal boxes roaring loud enough to drown out the baby's cries. He gazed down at the blur of lights spinning below, bleary from his tears and watched as they sped past beneath him, if the fall didn't kill him the mental monstrosities should and then it would all be over. So what are you even waiting for?

Do it! His mind urged him desperately while his body trembled with both fear and anticipation, jump! Stop wasting time and end it already! Stop being such a pathetic sniveling coward! Jump and you'll finally make your family proud! Jump and it'll make everything right! Jump and it'll make everything better! It'll fix all of your problems, you know it's the only way out! You know it! But… Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! JUMP, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE, JUMP!

"No!" Abel yelled and slunk to the ground, shaking and sobbing. He couldn't jump, not when he still had the baby clutched in his arms. Cain would be ashamed of you.

Abel flinched at the bitterly cruel truth, clutching at his aching head with one hand, curling up and pressing his body against the railing as hard as he could. He felt safer on the ground, less likely to leap and the dark thoughts vanished. He was a bad person but he wasn't a monster, he could never bring himself to intentionally harm someone, especially not a baby nor could he abandon it by the roadside. Half-blood or not, he didn't care, a baby was a baby. His baby no less, his son, he recalled Jenna had said it was a boy.

Looking down at the crying infant, he couldn't even bring himself to feel resentment. The baby had never asked to be born after all, in fact he was probably not even enjoying being alive very much. He cradled his son gently, hushing him and trying to rock him to soothe him as well as himself, the baby's sobs started to silent and his body stilled as he started to relax.

Abel drank in his features, Jenna had said he'd only been born yesterday and he certainly looked it. His pale skin had a dull quality indicating he was still disused to being out of the womb, lacking the healthy sheen of older babies. Though he was miniscule even by newborn standards, Abel suspected he'd probably been born a touch premature, he looked so delicate and fragile. Which was actually pretty typical for being a Selwyn, you were always small and spindly until you hit puberty then suddenly grew like two feet and were all lanky for the rest of your life. Except for Maverick, he took after his mother and had always been a burly lad.

This baby was definitely his though, he already had locks of raven black hair creeping out from under the blanket and flecks of gray forming in the baby blue irises gazing up at him innocently, trying to memorize his face. Honestly, Abel liked when they were babies, sure they cried a lot but there were also calm moments when you could just sit quietly like this, cuddle them, talk to them. It didn't even matter what you said because they couldn't understand and they couldn't judge, they just liked to hear you talk. It was when they started to move around so much they got exhausting, and when they started being able to understand you had to start worrying about what you said and your frame of mind around them.

Abel sighed and rubbed at his tear-stained face, he really should get the little guy out of the cold. He pulled himself back up to his feet, there was only one place he could think to go. He just had to hope he could apparate there successfully, he'd never been much good at it – it'd taken him seven attempts to pass the test – and was out of practice.

He closed his eyes, focusing intently on his parents' house and spun into it. His body compressed and lurched violently before reappearing with a loud pop outside the Selwyn manor, he glanced down at the baby to make sure he was okay but he was still quite content now he'd calmed down, seemingly unconcerned by the rough apparition. That wasn't too surprising, babies whose mothers had apparated often enough during pregnancy tended to be used to it.

Turning his attention back to the manor looming in front of him, he swallowed fearfully and started his approach. He felt his confidence waning more and more with each step, the anxiety playing around with his insides like a cat with a mouse. By the time he reached the front porch, he was shaking all over again and he felt his heartbeat booming in his eardrums. If his parents weren't going to help him, he didn't know what else to do though. They won't help you.

Abel jolted as the door opened before he could even consider knocking or fleeing, flicking his gaze downwards to see Grasorp the house-elf had opened it. He was standing as prim and proper as ever, Selwyn family crest pinned proudly to the pristine white pillowcase he wore like a toga. Grasorp's big brown eyes looked him up and down, lingering on the baby in his arms with a disapproving expression a lot of house-elves wouldn't be let get away with but his father had always been good to them.

"They're in the drawing room, Master Abel," Grasorp told him in his squeaky house-elf voice, opening the door and standing aside to allow him entry with a respectful bow, "They're aware of your arrival."

"Thank you, Grasorp," Abel offered as he went inside, barely managing to get the words out through the block of dread solidifying in his throat. He crept along the corridor and felt the warmth returning to his wind whipped face, taking small steps to put off seeing his parents for as long as possible. He knocked on the drawing room door. They hate you, they've always hated you.

"Enter," his father's voice called from inside.

Abel winced and heart racing, pushed open the old wooden door. He practically tiptoed in and found his parents seated in their usual spots, two armchairs either side of a table with a newspaper they might've been discussing before he arrived and their drinks, two goblets and a half-empty bottle of pumpkin juice. His mother, Cordelia, on the left looking as elegant as ever with a long evening gown across her slender frame, her hair dyed black to hide her age and pinned into smooth curls that sat around her head like a crown. His father, Elias, on the right was like looking into a mirror of himself thirty years into the future, at least in regards to physical features as he had the same angular features, the same long lanky frame, the same slate gray eyes and even the same cropped raven black hair, Elias had aged so gracefully the silver looked more like highlights than age. Unlike Abel however, he had held himself up with confidence, giving off an air of strength and authority, his eyes were also sharp as a blade and had an uncanny quality of seeming to pierce into your soul.

"Well sit down," Elias commanded, nodding to the empty couch opposite them. Abel obeyed, feeling his parents' eyes scouring him for answers and hearing the door closing quietly behind him as Grasorp slipped back into the room, "You're a few days early for my birthday, though I doubt that's why you're here."

"Erm… no, it's not," Abel muttered as Elias' wand slipped into his hand, Abel tensed but as his father wordlessly waved it at him the dull ache behind his eye - where Eunice had hit him - vanished along with the lump from falling out of bed, "Th- Thanks."

"Why are you here, Abel?" Cordelia asked of him, sipping her drink, "And what's with the infant?"

"It's a long story."

"Why do I feel like I'm not going to like this story?" Elias wondered, exchanging a look with his wife. Abel swallowed, "So what are you doing here?"

"I… I need your help."

"You always need our help."

"Eu- Eunice kicked me out."

"Oh dear, I feel like you're really not going to like this story," Cordelia commented, his parents exchanging an even more disapproving look.

"Abel, from the beginning," Elias told him firmly, leaning back into his chair as his eyes stared through him and he fidgeted under the intense stare.

"D- Do you remember that tutor that I fired?"

"The one you said was stealing?" Cordelia recalled.

"Y- Yeah…" Abel stammered and sank shamefully into the seat, averting his gaze to look at his newborn son to try give him courage, "Sh- She wasn't stealing, I just… I… I was h- having… I… um… well I… I was having an affair with her."

"Really? You?"

"Why?" Elias questioned, sounding unusually baffled.

"I… I don't know," Abel admitted uncomfortably, squirming under the looks they were surely giving him but he hadn't the nerve to look up, "She… She s- saved my life-"

"You tried to kill yourself again?!" Cordelia snapped, her tone shifting to anger and Abel subconsciously yanked his sleeves down again.

"Y- Yes but I was okay! I just managed to sneak a knife from the kitchen, s- so it wasn't even a curse wound. Sh- she healed me right up though and said she wouldn't say anything… She was so kind to me and she listened to me…" Abel trailed off and bit his lip, shifting his gaze to a far off spot on the wall because the shame was too much to look at anyone right now, "I- It was nice, y- you know? T- t- to act- to actually f- feel like you have a choice for once instead of… I felt l-like sh- she really c- cared about me."

"She was probably just using you for money," Elias pointed out coldly.

"She did start asking for me to get her things," Abel said hesitantly, hearing his father tsk in disapproval, "N- Not a lot of things, I didn't mind and it didn't seem like anything bad. She's a single mother, you know? She has a little boy by a muggle father so-"

"So you got this woman pregnant," Elias interjected sharply before he could ramble into a tangent and Abel mutely nodded, shifting his gaze back to the product of such pregnancy, his son was trying to wrap his dainty little hand around one of Abel's fingers.

"And it didn't occur to you to offer this woman money for an abortion?" Cordelia questioned irritably.

"No…" Abel confirmed, feeling embarrassed as he swallowed again but forced himself to go on, "Honestly, when she told me sh- she was pregnant I just… I just panicked, I just wanted it all to go away. I fired her on the spot, and I told her we were through."

"Well that was a poor choice."

"I know, she got really angry and swore I'd live to regret it."

"So this woman you scorned vowed revenge and you didn't think to warn us about it?" Elias summarized as if talking to a slow child.

"I- I know th- that when you put it like that it sounds really stupid but she… she did leave when I told her to so… so I guess I just thought… I thought sh- she must've got… got over it or… something…"

"You really don't have a very good understanding of women, do you?"

"Of course I don't, my only experience is the marriage you forced me into," Abel couldn't help but point out, the bitterness showing in his voice and on his face.

"Well you hardly left us much choice," Cordelia countered readily, "You were our only heir- not from lack of trying- you needed to marry for the sake of our bloodline not waste away in safety-proofed room, barely-functioning and raving about dying."

"You would've had another heir if you hadn't abandoned Cain's son!" Abel shrieked at them, finally finding the nerve to look up in his justified rage.

"Abel, we've talked about this."

"At length," Elias added, both of their faces severe now, "You know we couldn't take him."

"You didn't even try!" Abel spat angrily, loud enough to make the newborn mewl in discomfort, "They murdered Cain- they murdered him in cold blood and you didn't- you didn't even try to get his son away from those psychos!"

"If they murdered Cain in cold blood and got away with it, what makes you think they wouldn't have done the same to us?" Elias questioned coldly, "Things got so paranoid people were being imprisoned for life without trial on the word of a rumor, or killed for 'resistance' on their way in for questioning. Our son was a Death Eater and we were openly in favor of You-Know-Who, Enoch would have excuse to get rid of us. And you were still in a minor, still in Hogwarts, you wouldn't even have been able to fight back and we wouldn't have been able to protect you."

"S- s- so?" Abel stammered out, losing his strength as quickly as it had come, "J- Just because they could have done that it doesn't mean they would, m- maybe they wouldn't have cared, maybe they'd have been glad to be rid of him."

"Maybe, but it wasn't worth the risk."

"And even if it had of been worth the risk," Cordelia piped up again, "We'd have been raising the child of the woman who murdered him."

"He's Cain's son too!" Abel protested, feeling familiar tears prick at his eyes again at the unfair injustice of it all, "But he doesn't… he doesn't even know, he… he's all that's left of him…"

"Not exactly," Elias provided, his face settling into a scowl of disapproval, "He married a mudblood right out of Hogwarts, they have two children currently. They're impure of course, much like that babe you hold, but nonetheless exist so Cain's lineage continues, tainted as it is."

"I didn't know you kept tabs on him."

"Of course I kept tabs on him, he's Cain's son, his only child," Elias insisted as Abel blinked in surprise, the older Selwyn looking almost offended before reaching out for his goblet, "But we're getting away from the topic at hand, we were talking about your bastard child not Cain's and I believe we were at the point where you thought firing this woman would solve your problem because you'd forgotten about object permanence."

"You basically know the rest," Abel gave a defeated sigh, giving a half-hearted shrug and cuddling his little baby a bit to soothe him, "She must've carried the child to term as proof of the affair, he was born yesterday so she brought him over to show my wife then left. Eunice was furious, said because of this she didn't have to be with me anymore and kicked me out so I came here, I know you might want to… to disown me but I didn't know what else to do."

"Of course you didn't," Cordelia scoffed.

"Well I must say, Abel, I'm impressed you came straight here instead of trying to do something stupid," Elias pointed out and Abel averted his eyes ashamedly, probably giving away the fact he had almost done something his parents considered stupid, "At any rate, no, we're not going to disown you."

"You're not?" Abel wondered, lifting his head up hopefully to which Elias smirked in a way so identical to Cain it made Abel's heart pang painfully at the reminder. Obvious, Elias gave a nod to Grasorp who nodded then vanished with a snap of his fingers.

"Of course not, why would I when I have a plan to fix this?"

"You do?"

"I should hope so, the solution is so obvious he'd have to be going senile to miss it," Cordelia confirmed, sipping at her drink and peering over the rim at her husband with a look of mild amusement.

"Me? Going senile? Cordy, I think you must've forgotten you have a whole two years on me," Elias countered with equal amusement, he was the only one who could ever get away with calling her 'Cordy.' Abel wasn't sure whether they were too proud to realize or just too stubborn to admit they were in love- or maybe both- at any rate their idea of marriage trouble was arguing over whether to get ladles with ivory handles or bone china handles making them ignorant to the fact that not all arranged marriages went as well as theirs.

"More like a year and a half, dear, I think you're the forgetful one."

"A year and nine months actually but who's counting?" Elias teased before Grasorp returned with a small pop, now holding a folder which caused his father's attention to shift, "So Abel, what was the name of this woman you were sleeping with again?"

"J- Jenna," Abel stammered out in surprise at him wanting to know, Elias made a rolling gesture with his hand for him to go on that took him a second to catch on, "Atoll. H- Her name is Jenna Atoll, b- but why do you want…?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Cordelia asked as Grasorp opened the file, flicked through it for a second then showed a page to Elias.

"N- No…?"

"Thank you, Grasorp," Elias offered with a polite inclination of his head.

Grasorp responded with a bow before vanishing with the file while Elias got to his feet, unfolding his slender form to stand as high as Abel, except he seemed taller by virtue of holding his head high instead of hanging low. With a wave of his wand, his cloak flew from the rack over to him like an obedient dog, draping itself over his shoulders while the silver clasp closed itself. A second flick of his wand, his brimmed conical hat whizzed over the hat rack and settled itself over his head. Abel sighed and lowered his head, he missed being allowed to do magic. It's your own fault.

"Now give me the baby, Abel," Elias commanded and Abel looked back up in shock, seeing his father had pocketed his wand and was now standing beside him with his arms outstretched to take the child.

"No!" Abel barked defensively, moving the baby away from him protectively, "What are you going to do to him?!"

"Nothing, I'm not a monster," Elias scoffed, scowling but when Abel didn't move he folded his arms irritably and elaborated, "I'm going to bring him back to his mother, see how much financial incentive it will take for her to agree to raise the child and stay silent about his parentage. With him out of the picture, Eunice will either have to drop this whole thing or go through with divorcing you without public justification which would ruin her, either way you get your home and children back."

"B- but… But…" Abel stammered, feeling like a rock had gotten stuck in his throat as he stared back down at his innocent little son, who was now looking a little sleepy. He caressed the child's cheek gently with his thumb, he was feeling pretty attached to him right now, "Wh- What if… if I… What if I don't want to g- give him up? What if I want to keep him?"

"Why? He's a just half-blood," Cordelia said dismissively.

"I can't help you if you keep the child, Abel, it's a half-blooded bastard. I'd have no choice but to disown you," Elias told him firmly and Abel tried to blink away the tears bubbling behind his eyes, feeling like a hand had closed around his heart and was twisting it painfully, "Is that what you want? Is one impure baby really worth sacrificing all four of your legitimate children for? You'd never be able to see them again, you know. Don't they deserve your consideration just as much as this baby? Is your relationship with your wife really so bad that you don't love your own children?"

"O- Of c- course I d- do-" Abel hiccupped, closing his eyes and tasting his own tears as they rolled down his face, images of his other children running through his mind.

"How would even take care of this child, Abel?" Elias continued with his cold logic, "You can't even take care of yourself, you bounce between barely functioning and being a complete mess. You couldn't cope with a job so you aren't going to be able to put a roof over his head, or clothes on his back, or food in his mouth, you can't even give him the stability of knowing you're still going to be alive in the morning. What kind of life is that for a child? What will happen to him when there's no one to stop you slitting your wrists? We sure as hell wouldn't, he has the wrong blood to ever be accepted."

"B- But I… I j- just… th- this isn't fair…"

"What exactly about this isn't fair, Abel?" Elias snapped, the anger hiding in his words sneaking out, "This is a situation entirely of your own design, you brought this upon yourself. You're not a child and you don't exist in a bubble outside of time and space, your choices have consequences and you have to live with them. Now you can take your bastard and begone forever or you can give him to me and let me fix this mess you've made!"

"His mother will take better care of him than you ever could," Cordelia added while Abel hugged the baby protectively to his chest, "We rarely ever get what we want, and sometimes even if you really care about something the best thing to do is let it go for the sake of what else you left. Do the right thing, for your family."

Abel forced his eyes back open, his tears falling across his son's confused face like droplets of rain, he tried to brush them away with his trembling hands. His parents were right though, of course they were right, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Why did life always just hurt? He bent over and placed a sloppy kiss on the baby's forehead, cradling him close for the last time.

"G- Goodnight, son," Abel whispered into his ear, wishing for once that babies could understand, "D- Daddy loves you."

"Now hand him over," Elias urged him once more, stretching out his arms again and this time Abel very reluctantly handed him over. The nameless baby stirred slightly but quickly relaxed, comfortable and secure in Elias' practiced arms.

"Wh- What if this doesn't work?" Abel gulped, wiping at his eyes as his father glanced back to him, "Wh- What if she won't take him back even for money?"

"Then we'll turn you over to St Mungo's for your suicidal hysteria and the custody reverts automatically back to the mother anyway," Elias shrugged dismissively, already striding to the door that Grasorp – who Abel had missed returning – opened for him, "I'll be back."

"Grasorp, you better get on safety-proofing the house and readying his room since Abel might as well stay the night," Cordelia said to the house-elf after Elias left, the loyal creature and heading off to obey. His mother sighed and turned to him, "Aren't you lucky to have parents that look out for you like this? You should be grateful."

Abel nodded mutely and sniffed, hating himself and somehow not feeling very lucky.