Crosshairs POV
Three days pass before J.R. feels better. The infection has cleared, and the wound has healed, and Cade has removed the stitches. We got through another hurdle. Back to focusing on Jayce. She might have been distracted by J.R. to try suicide again, but she is still dealing with emotional pain and tired of it. She's still waking up at night, and the panic attacks have been bad. I stayed with her last night; she woke up five times, and every panic attack was terrible. She kept saying she can't take it anymore as she struggled with breathing. It was hard to get her to calm down and control her breathing. I'm worried J.R. will go back to dealing with the nightmares and panic attacks.
Drift comes in the room, asking how bad last night was, not liking the answer, before suggesting we take the three girls out even though he knows Jayce will be exhausted.
"Just a short outing, Jamie has comics to pick up, and we can get lunch. Maybe go to Panera Bread before coming back. It's a good hour between the two towns, Jayce could take a nap then," Drift explains.
"What about J.R.? Doubt she'll want to eat and risk needing to throw up in public."
"Maybe, take a bottle of nutrition rink. It should be fine if she has that at the restaurant."
Jayce interrupted us; Drift insisted on staying even to watch if he couldn't help.
Why, Drift? You know how bad these panic attacks are.
Just our luck, this one was bad that Jayce had a seizure.
"You don't think she's dreaming J.R. tries to end her life again?" Drift asks.
"That has to be it," I sighed, "was she dreaming J.R. would die from the infection the past ten days?"
"Damn it, what are we going to do?" Drift asks as he holds Jayce on his lap as she cries.
Damn, we are likely back to the shit we've been dealing with before J.R. got sick.
One hour later
J.R. isn't sure if she wants to go out or not, it's understandable. I told her we have a plan if she's not feeling up to ordering food at lunch. She's also worried about the car ride.
"You're not feeling dizzy, you should be fine," I assured her.
I know you're tired of throwing up in front of me, but you'll be fine.
The two girls sat on the couch, drinking a cup of the nutrition drink. Glad it looks like iced coffee. Jamie wouldn't like hearing these two refuse to eat. The refusal to eat seems to reflect how tense they are, and they relax when out of the base. We know the reason could be they're away from Jamie, and we may have a problem with Jayce refusing to eat.
J.R. POV
So glad to be past the infection. It wasn't fun feeling like shit, and embarrassing Crosshairs had to take care of me. Wonder how Jamie feels knowing all the care she needs during a flare-up? Is she hiding she's embarrassed? I'm still not sure if I'm going to be able to eat good food and would instead not find out at a restaurant I decide to try a little oatmeal. If I can't keep that down, I might have to tell Crosshairs I'm not going with them later. I don't want to sit there as the others eat.
"You don't have to eat food if you don't think you'll be able to keep it down," Crosshairs says, watching me sit at the table with the bowl with a little oatmeal.
"I'd rather find out now if I'll end up throwing up instead of while we're out in public."
"I told you we're prepared. You don't have to get anything if you don't want to."
I tried to eat anyway, as I thought, I can't keep anything down. I know Crosshairs hated watching me rush to the bathroom. He comes in five minutes later, not liking I stayed in the bathroom to cry.
"You thought after the infection you had that you'd be one hundred percent now? Going to be a few days."
"At least I'll be over this, but Jayce will never be over her emotional struggle, and it's a lot worse than Jamie's. I knew she's delaying telling me and Jamie she can't come on adventures with us. You think she knew this would happen but lied telling me she's contacting you and the others to come help Jamie?"
"No, I don't think she thought she'd be dealing with the crap she's been dealing with. She doesn't know why she's been thinking this way."
Damn it, hard to help her if she doesn't know why she has nightmares and panic attacks.
Jamie wanted to do some work, so now instead of lunch, we'll be going to dinner, since it's already two in the afternoon, and the others are coming. Wonder how long Jayce will last? She's already tired. I suspect she's going to fall asleep on the ride to the comic book store. Bumblebee had to have known since he insisted she ride with him. That'll allow her to have a two-hour nap assuming she falls asleep soon after we leave the base.
Though Jamie is just picking up comics, Crosshairs and Drift always go in the store with her. I went with them to watch the debate over Crosshairs getting several Dragon Ball Super figures and Jamie telling him no. I know she wants them, but she doesn't want Crosshairs to spend the money. She even said no to Drift. The two mechs give up, and we leave. As this all happened, Jayce is sleeping. Bumblebee stayed in his alt mode, which might have been a better choice. Cade also stayed in Hound's alt mode.
"So, how cranky do you think she'll be?" Jamie asks, smiling.
"She shouldn't have come with us; she's exhausted."
"She should be fine. A good two-hour nap by the time we get to the restaurant," Crosshairs says before getting in his alt mode.
"Bee, what are you going to do if she has a nightmare?" I ask, worried.
"I'll have to pull over, should be fine," he tells me. I'm not sure if he's right, but nothing I can do.
Ninety minutes later
Jayce POV
"Jayce, wake up," I hear Bumblebee say.
I look at the time; I've been sleeping for two and a half hours but didn't have a nightmare or wake up terrified? If only that meant I'm done dealing with this shit. The others
are waiting for at the door.
"Can't you pick another place, Jamie?" I asked sarcastically.
"No," she replied, not understanding I'm joking.
We had to wait for a table for our large group.
"You going to be ok?" I ask J.R.
"Crosshairs brought a bottle of the nutrition drink. Just sucks, I can't eat anything without throwing up. I couldn't even eat a small portion of oatmeal."
"It's ok."
I hugged her before we are led to a table.
Jamie worked on her story as we waited for food. It's not like there's anything to talk about. J.R. ordered nothing. I asked Crosshairs if we could get J.R. her favorite. Maybe she'll be able to eat tomorrow. J.R. tried to tell us not to, but we did anyway. Cade and the Autobots decide Cade would go to Panera Bread and get cookies while everyone else headed back to base. They know I'm tired. Unbelievable, I ruined a day out. Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Crosshairs POV
Since I've been focused on J.R., I noticed she wasn't feeling good. Cade told me she's fine but agreed she should go back to the base, and Jayce is exhausted.
Maybe it was too soon for an afternoon out. Though J.R. is not as uncomfortable as she has been, she's still noticeably uncomfortable. I had to help her to my alt mode. The poor staff at the restaurant thought she had food poisoning.
Jamie wasn't bothered seeing Jayce and J.R. being carried to their rooms. She didn't question why Jayce is exhausted.
Jamie is watching a movie with Bumblebee, Drift, and Hound. J.R. wanted to join them, but I think she'd fall asleep.
"You're definitely feeling better," I joked after J.R. yelled at me to help her downstairs, "but still need my help, and I can refuse."
"I don't need your help."
I watched her amble towards the stairs, hand on the wall for support. I stopped her before she started walking down the stairs.
"You're such a pain," I say as I picked her up and carried her downstairs.
She leaned on me once I sat down with her sitting on my lap.
Cade POV
I returned to the base to everyone but Jayce watching a movie.
Couldn't even wait for me?
After I put the cookies on the counter, I went up to Jayce's room. She's still asleep, but for how long? Bumblebee and Hound can use a break anyway.
Maybe Jayce needs time away in her dimension, but I guarantee she'd still worry about Jamie and J.R. Are we just denying that Jayce can't get over this? It doesn't help she doesn't know why she's thinking this way. Jamie is past Buddy's passing. Unless Jayce thinks the shit Jamie is dealing with will lead her to consider suicide? Drift would know if Jamie is thinking suicide, I know he watches Jamie closely after watching his girl fight for her life.
I'm interrupted by Jayce's moaning that turned into crying. She's twitching in her sleep. I sat on the bed by her and whispered what we've been telling her, hoping she'll wake up calm, but this didn't work. I can't believe how bad these panic attacks are. What worries me is Jayce saying she can't take this anymore. I worry she's going to try to end her life again or tell us to give up on her. I do my best to calm her down and try to get her to think everything is ok.
Not even a good day is helping her, fuck.
J.R. POV
Crosshairs and I watched Cade try to help Jayce. I walked into the room towards the bed, expecting Crosshairs or Cade to stop me, but they didn't. I might not be much help, but I have to try.
"Jamie is fine, you know Drift is with Jamie most of the time, he'd know if she's considering suicide."
What else can any of us say? We might have to tell Jamie about this so she can talk to Jayce. At least Jayce calmed down.
"We might have to tell Jamie about this so she can talk to Jayce," I tell Crosshairs once we're back to n my room, "I know the risk we'd be taking, but what else can we do?"
"It's too risky. You told me how Jamie might react if she found out what you and Jayce have been dealing with."
"Then, we're out of ideas, and Jayce will be like this for good."
Crosshairs hugged me as I started crying.
