Arthur pressed his face deeper into the pillow. He felt embarrassed, guilty and sick. This wasn't fair to Merlin or his people. How in the seven tarnation is he suppose to be a good omega for Merlin, when nightmares still haunt him.
How can he look someone in the face, when he can barely speak to them?
He dragged the small dragon closer to him, just pressing his face into it. It half reminded him of the fact that he wanted to learn more about dragons.
With a push he sat upright, he was pretty sure that he looked like a mess, even with the new clothes he was wearing.
He gave a soft sigh before he searches for his brush. At least it wasn't far away. Without really caring about his hear, he comb it down. A quick face wash later, and he felt a little bit more like a normal person.
Arthur knew that there is some risk on going out, without really knowing where he was going, but at the same time, it is better than just staying in the room, and trying to get out of his mind.
He was silent as he walked through the corridors. A few turns and he knows he would be properly lost in a matter of seconds. The castle was a lot bigger than the one in Camelot, but at the same time, Arthur just had an urge to get out of the place.
Everything felt like it was crashing in on him. He noticed that there was a lot of guards stationed around the castle. He couldn't help but wonder why the guards were inside rather than out.
Without really thinking about it, and just letting his feet carry him, he found his way outside. He could see that he was in some type of forest. It was clear to him, that this wasn't a normal forest, since it was right outside the castle door.
He jumped slightly when there was suddenly a whoos next to him. He could feel his heart trying to leap from his chest before he calmed down. He gave a big grin when he realised that it was Ryoko.
"Hey, there girl." Arthur gently touched her nose. She was cold under his hand. Immediately the dragon leaned down, nuzzling into Arthur.
For a moment Arthur felt at peach, he wished that he never needed to leave, but at the same time, he knows he needs to face the real world.
When he felt tears prickling behind his eyes, he almost hissed at himself. He was tired of crying over the stupid of things.
Ryoko tried to ease his discomfort with small breaths of warmth against him. He gave her a watery smile.
"I-I'm sorry." Arthur moved slightly closer to her. He didn't know that she already mentally told Merlin's dragon that he needed to get Merlin.
She wished that she could fold him up and comfort him, but unfortunately is there nothing that she would be able to do to help him.
"Everything is just a mess, and I am really trying to do good, but I don't know what is needed to be done. And my feelings are just all-around a mess. But at the same time, I like to be with Merlin.
"Why did everything have to be such a big mess?" Arthur wasn't sure who he was asking. He couldn't answer the question himself and Ryoko well they need to talk more.
Arthur almost jumped out of his skin when there was suddenly something around him. "Calm down. Kilgharrah called me down here." Merlin kept his voice soft. He had heard the last part of what Arthur had said.
And he knows that they would need to talk about it, now would be best.
"Sit down darling." Merlin gently made a loose gesture with his hand. He could see that Arthur would rather bolt than try and deal with this.
Arthur was silent as he sat down, he kept his eyes on the ground.
"Talk to me, rant, rave anything. But tell me what is going on." Merlin's voice was firm. He could understand that Arthur didn't want to talk about past traumas. But at the same time, this is something that would be needed to be pushed.
The nightmares were starting to pick up, and Merlin was scared of what it would do in the long run.
Arthur was silent for a long time.
"I feel like a mess, that I am a burden to you. I am interrupting your sleep. I can barely talk to people, and when I do, I just want to run." When the words start pouring out, Arthur just couldn't stop anymore.
"I'm just some whore, I can't give you what you want Merlin. I am nothing more than a burden and I hate it.
"I hate the fact that I keep on waiting for the other shoe to drop. That I would get punished if I just look at someone wrong, and I still don't know how I had look at the person. But it was wrong and fuck Uther was furious." Arthur sank down to his knees.
"And I know this is different, but a part of me reminds me that I need to be cautious, that it can happen again. And with the nightmares becoming worse. I just want it to end. Just for a moment, blissful silence." Arthur fell silent.
He wanted to scream at himself, he had said too much. But instead of leaving him alone, Merlin pulled him against his chest. For the first time, Arthur realised that it was a lot cooler in the forest than he had thought.
"Listen to me, Darling, and I will remind you of this a thousand more times, but I am not going anywhere. I am here to stay. We will figure this out. And yes it isn't easy, but you will survive this." Merlin slipped his fingers through Arthur's.
"I have you. You aren't a burden to any of us. And what Uther did was wrong. You are allowed to look at people, that is something that happens. You did nothing wrong." Merlin's voice was firm on the last part.
Arthur curled closer. He felt hollow and empty, but at the same time tired. Merlin pressed a soft kiss to his head.
This might be hard, but somehow, someway will they get through this. With ease, Merlin picked Arthur up. Another warmth spell over him, he made his way back to Arthur's chambers,
He was barley out of the door, before Arthur was fast asleep against him.
I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I can also be found on Tumblr lover-of-midnight
